Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 4, Episode 20 - The Yoko Factor - full transcript

Previously on
Buffy the vampire slayer.

Get dressed.

Finn stays in the brig.

Helping an hst escape
is a court-martial offense.

- You're only gonna make matters worse.
- Talk later.

Stealthy escape now.

Buffy. If I leave now,
I can't ever come back.

Spike, I want you
to come with me.

You're going to help me with my problem.
I am going to help you with yours.

You have to be with
the person you l-love.

I am.



It's complicated
because of Tara.

Oh.

Are you freaked?

I have to tell you
some stuff...

About my past.

And it's not all stuff
that you're gonna like.

And on angel.

You didn't think I was gonna
find you, did you?

- This is not gonna happen.
- You're gonna stop me?

- Don't do that.
- Faith, go.

I have someone in my life now
that I love.

You don't know me anymore, so don't come
down here with your great new life...

And expect me
to do things your way.

Go home.



And the men?

These are exceptional boys.

Their capture ratio
just keeps increasing.

They're keeping it together.

Morale is a problem.

The death of professor Walsh,
the escape of the prototype...

Controlling the hsts
is getting harder.

We have serious overcrowding
in the containment areas.

Quite a mess.

It's not my mess, sir.

I'm just holding the fort
while you figure out

what you want
to do with the place.

This incident with Finn
was unfortunate.

Fell in with a bad crowd.

Quite frankly, I don't think
he was ever the soldier

that you all hoped he was.

Boy thinks too much.

Nevertheless,
we want him back.

The government's
invested a substantial...

We'll catch up to him.

My feeling is he won't
stray too far from the girl.

Yes, uh...

Buffy summers.

Our data banks
don't have much on her.

She's just a girl.

She's a lot
more than that.

Slayer's dangerous,
is all I'm saying.

Yes, she makes
things interesting.

No. See, you're not
getting it, Mr. bits.

You're gonna be
interestingly dead.

Little miss tiny's got the habit
of bollixing up the plans

of every would-be
unstoppable bad-ass

who sets foot in this town.

Just want you to know,
when the big ugly goes down,

slayer's gonna be
right in the thick of it.

You ready for that?

I'm counting on it.

2 slayers.

That's right.

And you killed them both?

Yeah.

I killed the hell
out of them.

Yet you fear this one.

Hey, watch it, mate.

I don't fear anything.

Just know my enemies.

Do you?

Then why haven't you
killed this slayer yet?

Because...

Stinking rotten luck is why.

On top of that, now I've got
this buggering chip up my head.

Yes, your behavior
modification circuitry.

I know what you feel.

Not likely.

You feel smothered.

Trapped like an animal.

Pure in its ferocity.

Unable to actualize
the urges within.

Clinging to one truth,

like a flame, struggling to burn
within an enclosed glass.

That a beast this powerful
cannot be contained.

Inevitably, it will break free
and savage the land again.

I will make you whole again,
make you savage.

Wow.

I mean, yeah.

I get why the demons
all fall in line with you.

You're like Tony Robbins,

if he was a big, scary,
Frankenstein-looking...

You're exactly
like Tony Robbins.

I will restore you
to what you once were...

When I have the slayer
how and where I want her.

Easier said.

She's crafty.

Her and her
little friends.

Friends.

There's your...

What you call it...
Variable.

The slayer's
got pals.

You want her evening
the odds in a fight,

you don't want her
slayerettes mucking about.

Take them away from her.

Well, there's a plan.

She's working solo,
she won't have a chance

to come after us when
the wild rumpus begins.

Plus, it'll make her
miserable,

and I never
get tired of that.

Yeah.

Leave 'em to me.

You can't hurt them.

What can you do to make sure
they're out of the picture?

Not a blessed thing.

They're gonna
do it for me.

You know
if she's back yet?

L.A. woman?
Haven't heard from her.

She'll probably come here
first thing, though.

Hey, who's your buddy?

So you don't
have to be g.I. Joe

while your civvies
are getting washed.

Try those on.

You'll feel
like a new man.

Would this man have a bright
red nose and big, floppy feet?

Hey, sorry. That's
the cabin fever talking.

But as post-apocalypse
splendor goes...

I've done wonders
with the place.

Still, the sooner Buffy
gets back, the better I'll feel.

You and me both,
big guy.

I take it you're not
an angel fan, either.

It's not like
I hate the guy.

Just, you know,
the guts part of him.

Can't blame you.

But to be fair,
it's not him you hate.

It's the curse.

Right?

What did Buffy tell you?

About angel?

Everything. More than I
wanted to know sometimes.

She loved him.

He turned evil.
He... Killed people.

She cured him.

He left.

Interesting little curse.

One moment's happiness.

What do you mean?

You know, it's his trigger.

Angel's an okay guy

if he's mopey
and sad and brooding.

But you give him even one
second of pure, real pleasure...

And that sets him off.

Only in the big old "kill
your friends" kind of way.

And you know what
makes angel happiest?

I'll give you a hint.

It's not crème brulee.

Buffy.

Sex with Buffy.

She kind of left that
part out, huh?

Yeah, she did.

That explains
a lot of things

that I wish
weren't explained.

Hey, man, that's all
ancient history.

She went running to L.A.
to bone up on her history.

No. I'm sure
it's boneless.

She just needs to make
sure everything's okay.

She's probably
back already.

Maybe.

You'll feel a lot better
when you see her.

I guess we'll see.

♪ If I leave here
tomorrow ♪

♪ Would you still
remember me? ♪

♪ Well, I must be
traveling on now ♪

♪ There's too many places
I've got to see ♪

♪ And if I stay here
with you, girl ♪

♪ Things just
couldn't be the same ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm
as free as a bird now ♪♪

You know, for someone who's
got "watcher" on his resume,

you might want to cast an eye to the
front door every now and again.

What do you want?

Ah! Knew I left one.

Buffy around?

Why?

I need to speak
to the lady of the house.

Be a pet and give her
a message for me, would you?

Tell here I just might have
something she just might want.

And what might
that something be?

Information.

Highly classified.

Not cheap, word-on-the-street
prattle, either.

I'm talking about
the good stuff now.

Thrill me.

It's nothing I know.

What, you think
I'd come running over

saying, "I've got a secret.
Beat me till I talk"?

There's files
in the initiative.

I'm pretty sure I know where.

Files?

Yeah, secrets.

Mission statements,
design schematics.

All of Maggie Walsh's
dirty laundry,

which I guess would include
lots of tidbits about...

Adam.

Well, yeah.

Say someone was to risk
his life and limb...

Well, limb, anyway...
To obtain said files,

might be worth
a little something.

At this point, a cynical
person might think

that you are offering just what
we need when we need it most.

That person'd
be right, Rupert.

Supply and demand.

And it won't
be cheap this time.

What do you want?

Year's supply of blood,
guaranteed protection,

merry bushels of cash,

and most important,

a guarantee that I'm not
to be in any way slain.

Done.

With a smile
and a nod from you?

Sorry. Not close
to good enough.

This deal's
with the slayer.

I'll tell her.

Oh, you'll tell her?

Great comfort that!

What makes you think
she'll listen to you?

Because.

Very convincing.

I'm her watcher.

I think you're neglecting the
past tense there, Rupert.

Besides, she barely listened to
you when you were in charge.

I've seen the way
she treats you.

Ah, yes. How's that?

Very much like
a retired librarian.

Look, I've got
what she wants

as long as
she has what I want.

Spread the word.

She knows where to find me.

I'll think about it.

I keep thinking,

"okay, that's the cutest
thing ever."

And then she does
something cuter

and completely resets
the whole scale.

Did you see
her yawn earlier?

Yes.

I thought
I was gonna die!

Oh, I love you,
miss kitty fantastico!

We've got to get her
a real name.

It's so cool
that she's ours.

Uh, yours.

That she's yours
is... is cool.

She can be ours
if you want.

You still need
an elective.

How about...

Sophomore-level psychology?

Oh...

Kinda psyched out
since professor Walsh.

Maybe something fun,
like drama.

I could be dramatic.

"You cannot have
more catnip!

You have
a catnip problem."

Definitely drama.

I haven't even dealt with
the housing situation yet.

Have you done
anything?

I hear
there's some...

Off-campus places
that are way cool

for groups to,
you know,

go in on.

Oh, I just figured you'd be
dorming it up with Buffy again.

We haven't really
talked about it.

I used to assume we'd be
roomies through grad school,

well into little old
ladyhood, you know,

cheating at bingo
together and...

Forgetting
to take our pills.

But?

But... I don't know.

It hardly feels like
we're roomies now.

She's busy
with Riley,

and I'm gone
a lot, too.

Guess I should
ask her.

Riley.

I got a little tired of
sitting around waiting,

so...

You joined the circus?

Xander took my clothes
to clean them,

left me these.

Does he, uh, hate me

in some way I don't
know about yet?

I think I would've
attracted less attention

in my uniform.

Is it okay for you
to be here?

You tell me.

I just meant with that
government branch

hunting you down
and all.

I'm good.

It took me awhile,

but I patched
into their frequency.

Can't sneak up on a guy
if he's listening in.

You're the sneakiest.

Why they hired me.

You okay?

Yeah. I just...

Angel kind of upset me.

How?

It's not that interesting.

Got my attention.

He just spun my head
a little.

You don't want
to talk about it.

It's just deconstructing
angel can wait.

Right now, I just want
to get out there and patrol

and find Adam.

We can talk
about it later.

It's the pants,
isn't it?

It's okay. I couldn't take me
seriously in these things, either.

Riley, it's not
that big a deal.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't I get out
of your face?

You had a long trip.

Look, you don't
have to go.

It's okay.

Besides...

I have to recharge
them every 2 hours,

or they
go dead on me.

Okay.

Here. You should've
just saved the ensemble

from the last time we snuck
into the initiative.

I'm not a clothing
delivery service.

Well, he is, kind of.

He did Riley yesterday.

Hello.

This is just...

Swell.

Got to say,

liking this
quite a lot.

Kinda changes
the balance of pow... ow!

Akk! Oh...

Come on! You got
to be kidding!

Wow. That chip
in your head

means you can't even
point a gun?

How humiliating.

Doesn't work,
anyway.

It's a fake.

Can't even point
a decorative gun?

Give it up for
American chipmanship.

It doesn't work?

What about self-defense?

I'm taking a risk here,
you know.

Can I tell you
how much I really...

Don't care?

Attitude.

See how far that'll
take you in boot camp.

Say, I hope you get
one of those

tough-as-nails
drill sergeants

who's only hard
on the men

'cause he's trying
to keep them alive

when the bullets start flying.
I love that stuff.

Boot camp? Yeah,
like I'd go there.

What, you change your mind?
Not gonna join?

You're joining
the army?!

Okay. 1... ow.

2... where'd you
get that idea?

3... ow!

I'm not joining
the army!

Good.

Stopped that nonsense
just in time.

I was never...

Who'd you hear
this from?

Your girlie-mates
were talking.

Something about, uh...
Being all you can be

or all you can be.

Uh... Having a laugh.

Figured you
were signing up.

Say, have you got
anything larger

in the...
Toy gun line?

All I can...
Can you believe this?

Like I'm some sort
of useless lunk.

It happens that I'm good
at a lot of things.

I help out
with all kinds of...

Stuff.

I have skills
and... Stratagems...

I'm very...

Help me out.

He's a viking
in the sack.

Terrific. You didn't
have these cleaned

after the last time,
did you?

This is so like them lately.

It's all about them
and the college life.

Well, you know
what college is?

It's high school, only without
the actual going to class.

Well... High school
was kind of like that, too,

but the point is,

I'm out there working hard
to make a living,

and it's nothing
but a huge joke to them.

Xander got fired
from Starbucks.

Xander got fired
from that phone sex line.

They look down on you.

And they hate you.

But they don't
look down on me.

Hey, it was
just a laugh.

There's no need to
go insane over it.

Is anybody talking to you?

Sir, no, sir!

Don't shoot.

Give me a reason
not to.

You're killing humans now?

Not yet.

Beating you senseless
should do just fine.

I could have a patrol here
in under a minute.

You go your way,
I'll go mine.

I'm checking out
that cave.

My orders exactly.

Alone?

We're spread a little
thin, so yeah.

Family's tearing apart.

Family.

What kind
of family are you,

the Corleone?

Weren't until
you showed up.

What, no girls
in the club?

You think you're the first
girlfriend Riley's ever had?

Such a big head on that
skinny little body.

No, you're just the first one
to get him to commit treason.

Riley had a career.

He had a future till
he met you, and, yeah,

I got a problem
with that.

A future.

A future doing what,

illegal experiments?

Torture? Murder?

I guess killing someone isn't
really a problem for you.

Less and less. Now why don't you get
the hell out of here before i...

Touch me, and you'll find out
what slayer strength is like.

I think it's about time
you showed me, then.

Yes.

I think that would
be interesting.

Get out of here!

No...

Not moving.

Thank you.

Go! Get out!

No!

Oh, god.

I think I lost
the buggers.

Any luck with the disk?

Oh...

Took what they had.

Should be something
useful on one of them.

Hope so.

What are we looking for?

Anything about Adam.

Any problems
getting in and out?

No. A couple of 'em
made me on the way out,

but I took care of them.

Gave them a good
running-away-from, did you?

Well, yeah.

When do
I get paid?

When Willow tells me

you've brought us
something useful.

I could've
gone straight

to the slayer,
you know.

I cut you in,
let you pretend

you're actually
in charge.

Now you've got to wait
for red's permission

to finish
the deal?

As soon as we see
what's on the disks.

It looks
like gibberish.

Gibberish?

They're encrypted.

Oh, wonderful.

Can you fix 'em?

Crack a government encryption
code on my laptop?

Easy as really
difficult pie.

You're not exactly the
whiz these days, either.

God, I'm never
gonna get paid.

I am a whiz.

She is a whiz.

If ever a whiz
there was.

I... i just
need some time.

No. I just heard
you weren't...

Your mates said

you weren't playing
with computers so much.

Into the new thing.

What new thing?

You know,
you two...

The whole
Wicca thing.

They... they were
talking about that?

Could we get back
to business here?

I've got a deal
at stake.

What did they say?

Talking about
it's a phase.

You'll get
over it.

What?

Who said that?

Was it Buffy?

'Cause you know
what she means by that.

No, she was
defending you.

'Cause
Xander said

you were just
being trendy.

Trendy?

I don't know what they
were going on about.

Person wants
to be a witch,

that's their
business.

I knew Buffy was freaked.

You should talk to her,
'cause I'm sure...

Pressing business,
ladies.

Don't want to get
sidetracked.

Still got your
monsters to fight.

Cell capacity's maxed out
3 days ago, sir.

We keep up this pace,
there'll be nowhere left

to contain the hostiles.

They're animals,
lieutenant.

We pack 'em in till
we're out of room,

then we pack 'em
in some more.

They're going to start tearing
each other apart, sir.

I have no problem
with that scenario.

Backup. Request
immediate backup, over.

Tearing us apart
over here. 2 men down...

From out of nowhere...
Mayday, repeat...

Mayday!

Requesting
immediate backup.

We're in the alley
near the school building!

Where the hell is...
Back! Fall back!

It's coming this...

Riley Finn.

I know you?

We have a friend
in common.

Angel.

Welcoming committee
your idea?

Way I heard it,

you were all
peaceable now.

You didn't
by any chance

go and lose that pesky
soul again, did you?

Don't push me, boy.

Now, what possibly could've
happened with Buffy...

That would make you
lose your soul?

That'd be between
me and her.

Where do you think
you're going?

Going to see
an old girlfriend.

You really think I'm
gonna let that happen?

Think you're
gonna stop me?

I surely do.

Angel.

Hi.

Can I come in?

I guess.

I need a little more
than that.

Oh. Um...

Come in.

You're hurt.

You, too.

I'll live.

You want to tell me who ran
your face into that doorknob?

Not really. It's not
world-in-peril stuff.

Let me guess.

You thought of something
else really hurtful to say,

and, well, you couldn't
tell me on the phone

because the funniest part
is that look on my face...

Buffy, please. I really
don't have a lot of time.

What's going on?

I told you

you weren't
coming near her.

You've got
to be kidding me.

This is why you came?

No. This was
an accident.

Running your car
into a tree

is an accident!

Running your fist into
somebody's face is a plan!

Please explain this
to me.

Put that gun down.

It's pretty much
all I got left,

so I'm thinking not.

He attacked
4 of my men, Buffy.

I think he's up to
his old tricks.

He won't hurt anybody.
Tell him.

Might hurt you.

Oh, please try!

Huh! Some threat.
You can barely stand.

My trigger finger
feels okay.

You actually sleep
with this guy?

Okay, stop it!
That is enough.

I see one more display
of testosterone poisoning,

and I will personally put
you both in the hospital.

Anybody think
I'm exaggerating?

He start...

Riley...

I'm sorry.

Just wanted to know
that you were safe.

I need to talk to angel
for a minute.

What?

Riley, please.

I'm not leaving this room.

I mean it.

I'm not moving a muscle.

Okay, I come to see you,
to help you,

and you treat me
like I'm just... Your ex.

Well, technically...
Shut up!

And then you order
me out of your city,

and then you come here and start
pounding on my boyfriend?

I would really
like to know...

What the hell are you
trying to do?

I was trying
to make things better.

Heh. Well... Heh heh heh.

Aw, well.

Heh. It's, uh...

Going pretty good,
don't you think?

Swell.

You know... heh... i couldn't
leave it like that.

The way I spoke to you...

I came to apologize.
I had no right.

And Riley?

I got jumped by some soldiers.

He came in
in the middle.

And he wasn't real forthcoming
with the benefit of the doubt.

Put yourself in his place.

I get it.

Look...

You weren't entirely wrong
what you said in L.A.

We don't live in each
other's worlds anymore.

I had no right
to barge in on yours

and make judgments.

I'm still sorry.

Thank you.

And next time,
I'll apologize by phone.

Things are pretty tense
around here.

They really are.

Can I do anything?

Honestly,

I think the best thing
you can do right now is...

Okay.

It means a lot
that you came.

Oh, and... Riley?

Yeah?

I don't like him.

Thank you.

Now that... Was fun.

You were successful?

Oh, easier than
I thought it'd be, too.

You're sure?

Feel it in my bones.

It's, uh... Call it
the Yoko factor.

Don't tell me you've never
heard of the Beatles.

I have. I like
helter skelter.

What a surprise.

The point is, they were once
a real powerful group.

It's not a stretch to say
they ruled the world.

When they broke up,
everyone blamed Yoko,

but the fact is, the group
split itself apart.

She just happened
to be there.

But you know
how it is with kids.

They go off to college,
they grow apart.

Way of the world.

So you separated the slayer
from her friends. I'm pleased.

Well, since we've got
all our ducks in a row

and not talking
to each other,

guess it's time for
the grand plan, huh?

You know, the one where
I get the chipectomy.

You got everything
you need, right?

No. There's
one more thing.

How bad are you hurt?

Dunno yet.
Night's still young.

Riley, I have
to tell you something.

Figured.

Maybe you
want to sit down.

I'm fine.

Riley, i...

Wait. Me first.

Buffy... I feel like
we've gotten really close.

At least I thought we had.

I don't know much
about angel

or your relationship
with him,

but all I ask is if you're
gonna break my heart,

do it fast.

What?

You think that angel and I...

Didn't you?

No. Of course not.

How can you even ask me that?

I don't know.
Xander said...

Xander? Oh, he's the
deadest man in deadonia.

No, it's not his fault.

I prodded, and he explained
how angel went bad.

The trigger.

Oh.

And after that, I went
a little nuts, you know.

I mean, on the one hand,
I should believe in us,

but on the other,

sometimes things happen
between exes,

and when I saw
that he was bad...

He's... Not bad.

Seriously?
That's a good day?

Well, there you go.

Even when he's good, he's all Mr.
Billowy coat, king of pain,

and girls really...

Riley, stop.

See? Nuts.

Have I ever given you
any reason

to feel that
you can't trust me?

No.

Then why with the crazy?

Because I'm so in love with
you I can't think straight.

Tell me about it.

Riley.

I still have
to tell you something,

and there's
no easy way to...

Just say it.

Forrest is dead.

I'm so sorry.

There was a fight.

Adam killed him.

I barely got away.

I know there's
nothing that I can say

that's gonna
make this better,

but we will find this thing
and destroy it.

I have to go.

Are you sure?

I have to go now.

It's still encrypted.

Willow's working
really hard on it.

Okay. Well, how long
before you un-crypt it?

Hours? Days maybe.

Anyone suggesting months would
not be accused of crazy talk.

Whatever happened
to Latin?

At least when that made no
sense, the church approved.

I can't just
wait around, wil.

That disk is no good to me
unless you crack it soon.

Hey! We worked really
hard getting that.

Xander delivered
clothing.

Church approved.

Sorry, you guys.
We're on a clock here.

Okay, Adam was at that cave, so
maybe he was there for a reason.

I could go back,
scope it out,

track him if I have to.

Right, and then maybe
you'll get lucky

and he'll still be there, and he
can rip your arms off for you.

Buffy, you can't
go back alone.

You never train with me anymore.
He's going to kick your ass.

Giles.

Sorry. Was it a bit honest?
Terribly sorry.

So she doesn't go alone.
Giles, weapons all around.

You're not going, Xander.

You'd get hurt.

Oh... Okay, you and Willow
go do the superpower thing.

I'll stay behind and putt around the
batcave with crusty old Alfred here.

Ahh, no, I am
no Alfred, sir.

No, you forget.
Alfred had a job.

Willow is not going, either.
I'm doing it alone.

Oh, great. And then when
you have your new no arms,

we can all say,
"gee, it's a good thing

we weren't there
getting in the way of that."

Right. Maybe we can
help in other ways.

Want some fighting pants, buff? I
can get ya some new fighting pants.

You guys,
this isn't helping.

Oh, wow, we're already
getting in the way.

We're pretty good at this,
Xander, huh?

Right, I'm so good at it, you might
have to ship me off to the army

to get me out of the way!

The army?

You didn't know I knew
about that, did ya?

You two talking about me
behind my back.

Us talking about you?

How about you telling Riley

every last detail
about my life with angel?

Besides, when is there
any "us two"?

You two are the two
who are the two.

I'm the other one.

Uh-huh, but maybe
that all changes

when I'm doing sit-ups
over at fort Dix.

Fort Dix?

Are you drunk?

Yes. Quite a bit, actually.

Well, stop it.

This is stupid.

Stupid. So you finally had the
guts to say it to my face.

I didn't say
you were stupid.

So stop being an idiot
and let me fix this.

Okay, I need you. I need
both of you all the time,

just... Not now.
Adam is very dangerous.

Wait. How do you
need me, really?

You're good with
the computer stuff.

Usually. And there's
the witch stuff.

Witch stuff? What exactly
do you mean by witch stuff?

You guys, what is happening?
This is crazy.

Oh, no, it's not. It's all
finally making perfect sense,

and I'm not gonna miss
a moment of it.

You think this'll
go on for awhile?

Hard to say.

Nice bathroom.

Like the tile.

And if I did join the army,
I'd be great. You know why?

Because they might gimme a job
that couldn't be done

by any well-trained
border collie.

That's it.
I'm going to bed.

No, you'd be wonderful
in the army.

Do you think the umbilical cord
between you and Anya

could stretch that far?

I knew it. I knew
you hated her!

I'm not the one being
judgmental here.

I'll leave that territory
to you and Buffy.

Judgmental? If I was
any more open-minded

about the choices
you two make,

my whole brain
would fall out.

Oh, and superior.
Don't forget that.

Just because you're
better than us

doesn't mean you can
be all superior.

You guys, stop this. What
happened to you today?

It's not today.

Buffy, things have been wrong for awhile.
Don't you see that?

What do you mean wrong?

Well, they certainly haven't
been right since Tara.

We have to face it... you can't
handle Tara being my girlfriend.

No! It was bad
before that!

Since you two went off to
college and forgot about me.

Just left me in the basement
to... Tara's your girlfriend?

Bloody hell!

Enough! All I know
is you wanna help, right?

Be part of the team?

I don't know anymore.
Feeling not wanted.

No! No, you said
you wanted to go.

So let's go, all of us.

We'll walk into that cave
with you two attacking me

and that funny drunk
drooling on my shoe.

Hey, maybe that's the secret way
to killing Adam!

Buffy...

Is that it? Is that
how you can help?

You're not answering me!

How can you possibly help?

So...

I guess I'm starting to understand
why there's no ancient prophecy

about a chosen one
and her friends.

If I need help, I'll go to
someone I can count on.

I've been
waiting for you.

And now I'm here.

Grr! Arrgh!