Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 3, Episode 8 - Lovers Walk - full transcript

The gang plans to celebrate their SAT scores bowling, Buffy's mother's insistence to go to a decent college is promoted by Giles and Angel. Willow has a worse regret then her relative failure, rekindling passion with Xander; determined to save their relationships with Oz and Cordelia, she visits a magic shop for the necessary ingredients for a reverse love potion. Xander finds her and objects to another inexperienced witch messing with him. They are actually stopped and captured by Spike, who has returned, observed Angel, followed Willow and now forces her to make a love potion to return Drusilla to him. Before Buffy and Angel have got hold of Spike and made him tell they're in the abandoned factory, the crypto-couple is found, kissing fearing their last hours, by Oz and Cordy, who thus get hurt in more then one way...

Willow:
This is a nightmare.

This is... My world
is spinning.

Xander:
It's not that bad, Willow, really.

740, verbal?

I'm pathetic!
Illiterate!

I'm Cletus,
the Slack-Jawed Yokel.

That's right.
And the fact that your 740, verbal...

closely resembles my combined scores
in no way compromises...

your position as
the village idiot.

I just...

Where did I go wrong?



You did amazing, Willow.

As usual.

Cordelia: You guys
get your scores?

Cordelia!
Willow is very sad...

by her
academic failure.

How did you do?

This is not good.

What's not good?

I'm just worried that it may hurt
my standing as campus stud...

when people find out
I'm dating a brain.

Please. I have
some experience...

in covering
these things up.

I can see why
you'd be upset.

That was
my sarcastic voice.



It sounds a lot
like your regular voice.

I've been told that.

We should celebrate,
do something.

Like, the 4 of us?

A double date!

It could have
potential.

Willow: Buffy! Hey, did you
get your S.A.T. scores?

By the look
on your face...

I'm guessing you and I
are going to be manning...

the drive-thru window
side by side.

They're just
test scores, right?

What do they
really mean, anyway?

1430! Buffy,
you kicked ass!

OK, so academic achievement
gets me a little excited.

Xander: Buff,
that's amazing.

Let me see that.

Yeah. With scores
like that...

you can apply pretty much
anywhere you want.

Buffy, this could change
your whole future.

The thought
had occurred to me.

Then why
the sour puss?

I don't know.
I guess... my future.

I never really
thought about it.

I wasn't even sure
I was going to have one.

I think this is great.

Now you can leave
and never come back!

Well, I mean that
in a positive way.

Get out of Sunnydale.
That's a good thing.

What kind of moron would ever
want to come back here?

[Tires Squeal]

Home... sweet... home.

* And more *

* Much more than this *

* I did it my way *

Druscilla! I'm home!
Ha ha ha!

[Crying]

Why did you do it, baby?
Why did you leave me?

We were happy here.

[Growls]

You... stupid...
worthless... bitch!

Look what
you've done to me.

Xander: Come on.
It'll be fun.

I don't know.

I just thought we were
going to do something...

you know, classy?

What's classier
than bowling?

Apart from everything ever?
Let's see...

Oz and Willow are down.
You're the swing vote.

I guarantee fun.

Ha ha!

Hey, those are
from the pier.

Yeah. I just
got them developed.

There's pictures.
Of me. In your locker.

I never knew I was
locker-door material.

Well... just barely.

Besides, I look really cute
in those pictures.

Oz: Hey. So what's
the verdict? Do we bowl?

We bowl.

Great!
Double bowling date.

I'm on Oz's team.

Yeah?
Well, prepare to be crushed.

Maybe we should
practice.

Yeah.

They don't stand a chance.
I'm really good.

Or I used to be,
when they had...

the inflatable things
in the gutters.

What's this?

It's a gift.

What's the occasion?

Pretty much
you are.

It's a little
Pez witch!

It's kind of a theme present.
Do you like it?

I like...
I... I more than like.

Oz, this is probably
the sweetest...

We have to find
a little Pez werewolf...

so little Pez witch
can have a boyfriend.

I don't think they make
a werewolf Pez.

You might have to settle
for a wacky cartoon dog.

This is...
just so thoughtful.

Well, I think
about you.

Oh... I don't have
anything to give you.

Yeah, you do.

Buffy, this is
remarkable.

So is this. Where is this retreat
thingy, the Yukon?

It's quite nearby,
actually.

It's the clearing at the top
of Breaker's Woods.

It's the site of some
fascinating Druidic rituals.

OK, but you're just going
for a few days, right?

I mean, you're not going to settle
there and grow crops or anything.

What? Oh, my gear.

No, this is...
this is basic necessities.

Giles, you pack
like me.

Here. I suspect your
mother will want...

to put it on
the refrigerator.

Yeah. She saw these scores, and
her head spun around and exploded.

I've been on the
Hellmouth too long.

That was
metaphorical, yes?

Yes. She was happy.

She started with all this crazy
talk about me going to college...

maybe someplace else.

I know. I said that you
were going to have a goat.

Responsibilities and all.
I know the drill.

She may be right.

Yeah, I know,
I figured you'd...

OK. Be kind, rewind.

With scores like
these, Buffy...

you could have
a first-rate education.

I'm not suggesting that you
ignore your calling, but...

you need to look
to your future.

And with Faith here...

it may be that you can move on,
for a time, at least.

Wow.

Well, let's discuss
it when I get back.

In the meantime...

I'd like you to continue
training while I'm gone...

and please don't do
anything rash.

Anything rash
meaning...

Are you planning
on seeing Angel?

Yes, actually, I am.

Look, but there's not
going to be any rash. Anywhere.

OK. We're friends.
That's all either of us wants.

Nothing's
going to happen.

Willow: Something's
going to happen.

Xander:
Like what?

It's a mistake.
It's a terrible, fatal mistake.

I see that now.

It's just bowling.

It's bad bowling.
It's a double date, with all of us.

They're going
to know.

How are they
going to know?

It's a very
intimate situation.

It's all sexy
with the smoke and the sweating...

and the
shoe rental...

You're turned on
by rented shoes?

That's not
the issue.

OK, well, let me
ask you this.

What are they
going to know?

That we're friends...
old, old friends.

Maybe we've had one or two
indiscretions, but that's all past.

Look. We're just very good friends
who like to hang out...

and can I kiss
your earlobe?

No! Well, OK.

No!

Pez!

Maybe bowling might be
too much to handle.

Man!

I wish I wasn't
so attracted to you.

I wish we could
make it all stop.

Any suggestions?

Joyce: Carnegie-Mellon
has a wonderful design curriculum.

Oh, and Brown University's history
program is... You like history, right?

Could we talk
about this another time?

All day it's been like,
"Congratulations!" "Go away."

That's not it. It's just you belong
at a good old-fashioned college...

with keg parties and boys,
not here with hellmouths and vampires.

- [Beeping]
- Not really seeing the distinction.

You're always talking about how you
wish you could lead a more normal life.

Well, this is your chance.

Yeah, it's just
not that simple.

I have responsibilities.

I know, I know, but I spoke
with Mr. Giles, and he said...

That Faith could be Miss Sunnydale
in the Slayer pageant. I know.

It's time to think about your future,
Buffy... about your whole life.

I mean, honestly,
is there anything keeping you here?

Hmmph!

Yeah, you...

you think
I'm afraid of you?

We were happy.

You brainwashed her.
I could just...

Yeah, I'll show you
who's a cool guy.

You're going down.

Whoa! Aah!

Aah!

Ohh!

This is just too much.

Did you come in
through the back?

Yeah. I need a curse.

A what?

A curse!
Something nasty.

Boils. I want to give him boils
all over his face.

You know, dripping pustules.
Let's really go for the gusto here.

I'm hearing a lot
of negative energy, and I bet...

Leprosy! A spell that makes
his parts fall off. That sounds proper.

We don't carry...
leprosy.

Would you excuse me
a moment?

Clerk: Blessed be. Anything in
particular I can help you find?

Yeah. It's all here
on the list.

Skincrute, essence of rosethorn,
canary feathers.

Aha! A love spell. Want that
old lover to come back to you?

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

No. I mean, yes. I know
how to do a love spell...

but this is more
of an anti-love spell.

Yeah. Kind of
a de-lusting.

The supplies are
basically the same, right?

Basically.

Although raven feathers
tend to breed...

a little more discontent
than canary.

Let me just get
some things...

Woman: OK.

Mm-hmm.

That will be $15.80
for the lot.

Thanks!

So, did you find
a spell book?

Forget the book.

I just got
a better idea.

[Tap]

Oh, look at that!

Every time,
cuts to the left.

See, and it's not
the carpet. It's me.

I swear, I would sell my soul
for a decent short game.

Of course, it's a little
late for that. Ha!

I don't suppose I could
offer your soul, huh?

Really help me
on the green.

I'm just funning.

So, we have
a Spike problem, do we?

He's been spotted
back in town.

And there was an incident
at a magic shop in broad daylight.

Police had a hell of a time
covering it up.

Ha ha ha! Yes, he was up to all
sorts of shenanigans last year.

We had a world of fun
trying to guess what he'd do next.

I remember.

[Whistles]

But I guess
we're past that now.

This year is
too important...

to let a loose cannon
rock the boat.

Should I have
Mr. Trick send a...

committee to
deal with this?

Loose cannon. Rock the boat.
Is that a mixed metaphor?

Uh...

boats did have cannons...

and a loose one would
cause it to rock.

Oh, honestly. I don't know
where my mind goes these days.

Why don't you take care
of that Spike problem?

A committee,
like you said.

As good as done.

That's swell. Fore!

Hey!

College, huh?

Higher education.
Kind of an intense proposition.

Where do you
want to go?

I have no idea. My mom
was the one that got all these.

She's so excited,
she can't stop talking about it.

I had a really hard time coming up
with an alibi so I could come over here.

She doesn't know
about me.

Big no.

She's having enough trouble
dealing with the slayer issue.

I don't think she's ready
to process the information that...

you and I
are friends again.

Anyway, I think
this college jones

is just a reaction
to the whole slayer thing.

She wants you
to get out.

Someplace a little
less hellmouthy.

She has a point, but there
are reasons to stay, too.

What are they?

Um... you know, there's my
slayer duties, obviously.

What do you think
I should do?

As a friend, I...

I think that
you should leave.

This is a good
opportunity for you.

Yeah. It's not like there's
any great thing keeping me here.

Thanks for the advice. It's
another perspective to consider.

Where are you going?
You just got here. It's early.

Yeah, well, my mom starts
worrying a lot earlier these days.

I'll stop by soon.

Whoa! It smells like
church in here.

No, wait...
Evil church.

It's just chemistry stuff.
An experiment.

So you said
when you called.

Why do I have
to be here?

It will help you on the exam.
You're way behind.

But that's why
you love me, right?

Academically
dangerous?

Here. Hold this.

A feather. And who
will I be tickling?

Shush.

OK. Bring mixture
to a boil...

I assume this
won't make us late...

for our evening
of bowling magic?

There's no magic!
I mean, bowling, yeah.

Cordelia and Oz are going
to meet us here later.

Can we turn
these lights on?

Is that
a spell book?

No, no, no!
Chemistry book.

Wait a minute.

This is love spell stuff.
You doing a love spell?

No. Of course not.
This is a purely scientific...

de-lusting spell...
for us.

I thought it would go better
if you didn't know.

Are you nuts, or
have you forgotten...

that I tend to have bad luck
with these sorts of spells?

But you said you wished that
these feelings could just go away.

I wish for
a lot of things!

I told you I wished I was a fireman
when we were in sixth grade...

but you didn't follow
through on that!

I can't do this
anymore, Xander!

I mean, this whole
"us" thing is... bleagh!

Do you really need to resort
to the black arts...

to keep our hormones
in check?

At this point,
I'm thinking no.

I'm going to get
the lights...

clean this place up
before they get here...

and start
asking questions.

Xander!

I need to borrow
the little girl.

You don't mind,
do you?

Uhh!

Threatening me?
That's not nice.

We're all going to be
very best friends.

Xander!

Spike: A spell.
For me.

You're going to do
a spell for me.

Uh, what kind
of spell?

A love spell!
Are you brain-dead?

I'm going to get
what's mine. What's mine!

Teach her
to walk out on me.

What are you
staring at?

Nothing.

You can do it, right?
You can make Dru love me again?

Make her crawl!

I-I can try.

What are you talking
about, trying? You'll do it!

Yes, I'll do it!

You lie to me, and I'll
shove this through your face!

You want that?
Right through to your brain!

No. Please, no.

She wouldn't even
kill me.

She just left.

She didn't even care enough
to cut off my head...

or set me on fire.

I mean, is that
too much to ask?

You know?
Some little sign that she cared?

It was that truce
with Buffy that did it.

Dru said
I'd gone soft...

wasn't demon enough
for the likes of her.

I told her it didn't
mean anything...

I was thinking
of her the whole time...

but she didn't care.

So, we got to Brazil,
and she was...

she was just different.

I gave her everything:

beautiful jewels,
beautiful dresses...

with beautiful girls
in them...

but nothing
made her happy.

And she would flirt!

I caught her
on a park bench...

making out with
a chaos demon!

Have you ever seen
a chaos demon?

They're all slime and antlers.
They're disgusting.

She only did it
to hurt me.

So I said, "I'm not putting up
with this anymore."

And she said,
"Fine!"

And I said, "Yeah,
I've got an unlife, you know!"

And then she said...
she said we could still be friends.

God, I'm so unhappy!

There, there.

I mean, friends!
How could she be so cruel?

Mmm.

That smell...

Your neck...

I haven't had
a woman in weeks.

Whoa! No!
Hold it!

Well, unless you count
that shopkeeper.

Now, hold on!

I'll do your spell
for you, and... and...

And I'll get you
Druscilla back...

but there will be
no bottle in face...

and there will be no "having"
of any kind with me.

All right?

All right.

Get started.

Now, I'm not
a real witch, you know.

I don't know
if this is...

going to work
right away.

Well, if at first
you don't succeed...

I'll kill him,
and you try again.

This isn't enough.

What?

Well, there are
other ingredients, and...

and a book. I need a spell book.
This isn't it.

You've got one,
though, at home?

Not at home.
I left it somewhere.

Where?

Thank God
you are here.

Not all of us
have dates tonight.

Something's up.

We were supposed
to meet in here.

I don't know
what could have happened.

What is
all this stuff?

I'm thinking
weird science.

Was Willow messing with
her magic tricks again?

Maybe they
disappeared.

Maybe she turned Xander
into something ishy!

Whatever happened,
there was obviously a fight.

I don't see
any blood.

Either they were taken,
or they ran, or maybe...

You're having
too many or's! Pick one!

I don't know. I need you guys
to find Giles, OK?

I'm going to look for them.
Maybe they didn't get too far.

Where is Giles?

He's at a retreat
in the clearing in Breaker's Woods.

I know the spot,
but it's like a 45-minute drive.

So motor!

[Telephone Rings]

Giles?

Joyce: Hi, Buffy.
You still working out?

Uh, no, Mom,
actually...

I was hoping that we could schedule
a college talk later tonight.

I admit I...
overreacted before.

You don't have to go
all the way across the country.

I picked up some brochures
from some nearby schools, OK?

That's great,
but now's really not a...

Spike:
Hello, Joyce.

Spike: So I'm strolling through
the park, looking for a meal.

I happen to walk by, and she's
making out with a chaos demon!

And I said, "You know,
I don't have to put up with this."

And she said, "Fine!"

So I said, "Fine,
do whatever you like!"

I thought we were
going to make up, you know.

Well, she sounds
very unreasonable.

She is. She's out
of her mind.

That's what I miss
most about her.

Spike, sometimes even when
two people seem right for each other...

their lives just take
different paths.

When Buffy's father
and I...

No, this is different.
Our love was eternal. Literally.

You got any of those
little marshmallows?

Well, let me look.

Uhh!

Spike.

Oh, my God.
Get out of here.

Yeah. You're
not invited.

Joyce: He's crazy.
He'll kill us.

Not while I breathe.
Well, actually, I don't breathe.

Joyce,
listen to me.

You get out of this house,
or I will stake you myself.

You're
a very bad man.

Joyce, you can't trust him.
Invite me in.

You touch her,
and I'll cut your head off!

Yeah? You and
what army?

Buffy:
That would be me.

Angel, why don't you
come on in?

Joyce: Oh! Oh, no!

You shouldn't have
come back, Spike.

I do what I please.

OK, I'm confused again.

Willow!

You took Willow.

You do me now,
you'll never find the little witch.

Joyce:
Willow's a witch?

And Xander?

Him, too.

Xander's a witch?

Where are they?

Doesn't work
like that, peaches.

And when did you become all soul-having
again? I thought you out-grew that.

Your friend's going to work
a little magic for me.

She does my spell,
I let them both go.

You're not famous for keeping
your promises, Spike.

Well, you and your great poof here
want to tag along, that's fine.

But you get in my way...

and you kill
your friends.

What if they were kidnapped
by Colombian drug lords?

They could be cutting off
Xander's ear right now!

Or other parts!

[Sniffs]

Hello?

[Sniffing]

It's Willow.
She's nearby.

What?
You can smell her?

She doesn't even
wear perfume.

She's afraid.

Oh, my God. Is this some sort
of residual werewolf thing?

This is very disturbing.

I really agree.

Look, I just need
a few supplies...

and then
I'll take you to...

Oh, God.

What's wrong,
not that I care?

Oh... my head.
I think I'm sobering up.

It's horrible.

Oh, God.
I wish I was dead.

Well, if you close your eyes
and wish real hard...

Hey! Back off!

Buffy, we still need him
to find the others.

Need him? He's probably just
got them locked up in the factory.

Well, hey, how thick
do you think I am?

Fine. Can we just
get this over with?

Spike: Oh, God.

Now what?

We killed a homeless man
on this bench.

Me and Dru.

Those were
good times.

You know,
he begged for mercy...

and you know, that only
made her bite harder.

I guess you had
to be there.

Your work?

Here's your list.

"Essence of violet,
cloves..." Angel?

Right.

"Set of runic tablets."
Spike can get the rat's eyes.

I used to bring her rats.
With the morning paper.

Great. More moping.
That's going to get her back.

The spell's going
to get her back.

Angel: Lot of trouble for somebody
who doesn't even care about you.

Shut your gob.

She really is just
kind of fickle.

Shut up!

What do you know?
It's your fault, the both of you!

She belongs with me.

I'm nothing without her.

That I'll have
to agree with.

You're pathetic,
you know that?

You're not even
a loser anymore.

You're a shell
of a loser.

Yeah. You're one
to talk.

Meaning?

The last time I looked in on you two,
you were fighting to the death.

Now you're back making googly-eyes
at each other like nothing happened.

Makes me want to heave.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, yeah.
You're just friends.

Angel: That's right.

You're not friends.

You'll never
be friends.

You'll be in love
till it kills you both.

You'll fight,
and you'll shag...

and you'll hate each other
until it makes you quiver...

but you'll never
be friends.

Love isn't brains,
children, it's blood...

Blood screaming inside you
to work its will.

I may be
love's bitch...

but at least I'm man enough
to admit it.

Eye of rat.

Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh!

[Xander Moans]

Xander?

Are you OK?

Dizzy.

Kind of
nauseous, too.

Do I remember
having a fight with Spike?

You do.

I won, right?

Kicked his ass?

You were real brave.

Do you need to barf?

No, I'll be OK.

Where are we?

The factory.
We're locked in the basement.

That burnt-out place in
the middle of nowhere?

So we're pretty much in
a "Scream all you want" scenario.

Pretty much.

Why didn't he
just kill us?

He wants me to do
a love spell.

What?

Druscilla broke up
with him.

Gee, and we had all hoped
those crazy kids...

would make it work.

He's out of control.

I mean, not that he was
Joe Restraint in the old days.

So what are
our options?

Well, I figure either I refuse
to do the spell and he kills us...

or I do the spell
and he kills us.

Give me
a third option.

He's so drunk he forgets about us,
and we starve to death.

That's sort
of the best one.

Willow, we're not
going to die.

If he's so drunk,
he'll get sloppy...

and then
I'll make my move.

As long as my move
doesn't involve standing up...

or using my limbs,
we'll be OK.

We're not supposed to.

Exemption for impending
death situation.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God, Oz.

We have to get
out of here.

Cordy, I...

Cordelia!

Cordelia!

[Whispering]
I fell...

Buffy: OK, Spike, we got
the stuff. Where are they?

What's your hurry?

My hurry is my intense desire
to get you out of my life.

You tend
to cause trouble.

I'll be out of your life
in a few short hours.

No trouble at all.

Man: Hello, Spike.

No trouble at all.

Spike: Lenny.
How have you been?

Lenny: Better since you left.
You should have stayed gone.

Is that right?

Buffy: He was just leaving.
Don't you start anything.

This pissant
used to work for me.

The guys are in trouble.
We can't risk this.

Angel: I don't think
we have a choice.

You other two can
walk away from this.

I die,
your chums die.

Buffy: Sorry.
We're staying.

Not for long!

Oh!

[Chair Leg Falls]

Go!

Spike: This should
be a kick.

I violently
dislike you.

[Door Broken In]

Be careful.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Willow: Don't move, Cordy.
Oz went to get help.

Aah!

We need to get out of here.

Can we get
to the roof?

Lenny: Yeah.
I heard you'd gone soft.

Sad to see it, man.

Soft?

Yeah,
like baby food.

Well, then,
let's give baby a taste.

I'm all right.

You're not up
to your full strength yet.

That window's
about to go.

Buffy.

Baby like his supper?
Baby like his supper?

Why doesn't baby
have a nap?

Buffy: Spike!
Get down!

Uhh!

Now, that was fun.

Oh, don't tell me
that wasn't fun.

Ha ha!

God! It's been
so long since I had...

a decent spot
of violence.

Really puts things
in perspective.

Oh, yeah. You two.
Just friends. No danger there.

Could we just do
the damn spell now?

Oh, sod the spell.
Your friends are at the factory.

I'm really glad
I came here, you know?

I've been all wrongheaded
about this...

Weeping, crawling,
blaming everybody else.

I want Dru back,
I just got to be the man I was...

the man she loved.

I'm going to do what I should
have done in the first place...

I'll find her,
wherever she is...

tie her up, torture her
until she likes me again.

Love's a funny thing.

[Cordelia Moans]

Cordy?
Please hold on.

Xander?

I can't see you.

[Exhales]

Cordy!

He created all things
in order that they might exist.

And the generative forces
of this world are wholesome...

and there is no
destructive poison in them...

for the dominion of Hades is not on
earth, for righteousness is immortal.

So Cordelia's
going to be OK?

She lost a lot of blood.
None of her vitals were punctured.

Has she talked
to Xander yet?

She wasn't allowed to
have visitors at first.

He's going to
see her today.

And Oz?

I never knew there was anything
inside me that could feel this bad.

For the longest time,
I didn't know what I wanted.

I wanted everything.

And now...

I just... I just want him
to talk to me again.

Just give it
some time...

and be prepared
for some groveling.

Oh, I'm ready.
I'm all over groveling.

Good. Because, you know,
I hear sometimes it works.

[Knocking]

Can I come in?

They wouldn't let me
see you until now.

Those are flowers.

Look, Cordy, I want you
to know that I...

Xander?

Yeah.

Stay away from me.

[Crying]

[Footsteps]

Hey.

I was wondering
when you were coming.

I'm not coming back.

We're not friends.

We never were.

And I can fool
Giles...

and I can fool
my friends...

but I can't fool
myself.

Or Spike,
for some reason.

What I want from you
I can never have.

You don't need me
to take care of you anymore.

So I'm going to go.

I don't accept that.

You have to.

Look.

There's got to be some way
we can still see each other.

There is.

Tell me that
you don't love me.

Spike, singing with radio:
* I plan each charted course *

* Each little step
along the highway *

* And more,
much more than this *

* I did it my *

* Way *

Grr Arg!