Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Prom - full transcript

Hmm.

What? Do I have funny
bed hair or something?

- Or something.
- Hmm.

I guess we got
a little carried away...

with the whole
post-slayage nap thing.

Hmm.

Oh, not good.

Ha ha ha.

- Where you going?
- To go kill a cat on my head.

No mirrors.

Oof.



You know, this place really
isn't girl friendly.

No mirrors,
no natural light.

I think you look perfect.

Oh, yeah,
I really look... OK.

Mmm. Mmm.

Maybe we should think about
getting a few mirrors.

And maybe a drawer, you know,
for some of my stuff.

Because that's what couples do...

they have drawers.

Hmm. That's right.

You know,
I-I figure, that way,

sometimes I could
spend the night.

Like, after the prom,

it would be nice
to be able to just...



come back here and spend
some time together.

The prom?

End of high school,
rite of passage thingy.

Think cotillion with spiked punch
and electric slide.

Right.

Don't worry.
It's at night.

And lots of girls
have older boyfriends.

You'll blend.

I think maybe you should
get going, huh?

Hmm. There must be
a few more hours before sunrise.

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Sorry.

I guess it's later
than we thought.

Xander.

Well, hey, it's Demon Anya,
punisher of evil males.

Still haven't got your powers back?

- You haven't, right?
- No.

I will, though.
It's just a matter of time.

So, now, how did that work?

Women would wish horrible things
on their ex-boyfriends.

- You'd show up and make it happen.
- That's right.

The power of the wish made me a
righteous sword to smite the unfaithful.

Well, hey, good luck with that.
Hope it works out for you.

You know, you can laugh,
but I have witnessed...

a millennium of treachery and oppression
from the males of the species,

and I have nothing but contempt
for the whole libidinous lot of them.

Then why are you talking to me?

I don't have a date
for the prom.

Well, gosh,
I wonder why not.

It couldn't possibly have anything
to do with your sales pitch.

Men are evil.
Will you go with me?

One of us is very confused,
and I honestly don't know which.

You know, this happens
to be all your fault.

My fault?

You were unfaithful to Cordelia,

so I took on the guise of a 12th grader
to tempt her with the wish.

When I lost my powers,
I got stuck in this persona,

and now I have
all these "feelings."

I don't understand it.
I don't like it.

All I know is I really wanna go to this
dance, and I want someone to go with me.

Be still, my heart. Oh, wait, it is.
How come I got the short straw?

Y-You're not quite as obnoxious as most
of the alpha males around here.

- Plus I know you don't have a date.
- I haven't settled on anyone yet.

Fine. Look, I know
you find me attractive.

I've seen you looking
at my breasts.

Nothing personal, but when a guy does
that, just means his eyes are open.

Whatever.

Look, do you wanna go
with me or not?

Anya, huh?
Interesting choice.

Choice is kind of a broad term
for my situation.

See, it's either Anya or
the sock puppet of love for this boy.

[High Voice]
I love you, Xander.

I'll never leave you.

If Anya tries to get you killed,
put me down for a big "I told you so."

[High Voice] Who's this Anya?
Is she prettier than me?

She just better not try to cross me,
that's all I'm saying.

Well, at least we all have someone
to go with now.

Some of us are going with demons, but
I think that's a valid lifestyle choice.

More importantly,
I have the kick dress.

Ooh, the pink one?

Angel's gonna lose it,
but not his soul.

I mean, he's gonna lose it.
His it.

[Knock On Door]

Ms. Summers.

I'm sorry to, uh...

Well, I would have called,
but I don't have your number.

Please.
You're always welcome.

My goodness.
Your place is amazing.

Yeah. I like a lot of space.

- I don't get out much in the day.
- No, you wouldn't.

Can I get you something?
I don't have any coffee.

Oh, no, thank you. I...

You don't drink?
Beverages, I mean.

No, I do.

It's just the caffeine.
It makes me jittery.

Oh.

I understand
Buffy spent the night.

I'm sorry about that.
We came back after patrolling...

I'm... I'm not interested
in the details.

That's not why I'm here.

OK.

I'm here because
I'm worried about you two.

In general.

What happened before, when I changed,
it won't happen again.

That's not all
I'm concerned about.

I don't have to tell you that you
and Buffy are from different worlds.

No, you don't.

She's had to deal with a lot,

grow up fast.

Sometimes even I forget
that she's still just a girl.

I'm old enough
to be her ancestor.

She's just starting
out in life.

I know.

I think about it more now
that she's staying in Sunnydale.

Good.

Because when it
comes to you, Angel,

she's just like
any other young woman in love.

You're all she can see of tomorrow,

but I think we both know
that there are some hard choices ahead.

If she can't make them,
you're gonna have to.

I know you care about her.

I just hope you care enough.

- So it was blue and sort of short?
- Not too short. Medium.

And it had this weird sort
of, uh, fringy stuff on its arms.

- What's that, a demon?
- A prom dress Wil was
thinking of getting.

Can't you ever get your mind
out of the Hellmouth?

I'd be delighted to, however
the day of the mayor's ascension...

is fast approaching,
and we don't know what to expect.

What about the pages Wil stole
from the mayor's book?

She put her life on the line there, pal.
Don't tell me they're useless.

On the contrary, no.

We-We-We know that
the ascension refers to...

a human transforming
into a demon,

becoming the living embodiment
of an immortal, and graduation day...

our Mayor Wilkins
is scheduled to do just that.

The trouble is we don't know
which demon he's going to become.

- There are thousands of species.
- So it's safe to say...

we shouldn't waste any time on such
trifling matters as a school dance.

Cordelia:
Well, that's too bad,

because I bet you would look way
double-07 in a tux.

Except of course
on the actual night,

when I will be aiding Mr. Giles
in his chaperoning duties.

What? Excuse me?
Fine, fine, fine.

We'll get you a dress.
You know, we should check April Fools.

Don't go there.

I shop there.

I, myself, am dipping
into my hard-earned road trip fund...

to procure a shiny new tux,
so look for me to dazzle.

And I shall be wearing
pink taffeta,

as Chenille will not
go with my complexion.

Can we please
talk about the ascension?

Giles, we get it.
Miles to go before we sleep.

But especially if we're all going to
vaporize or something on graduation day,

we deserve a little "promy" fun.

One night of glory,
not too much to ask.

Into this holy estate,
these two persons present...

now come to be joined.

If any man can show
just cause...

why they should not
be lawfully joined together,

let him speak now...

or else here and after
hold his peace.

Bless, O Lord, this ring,

that he who gives it
and she who wears it...

shall abide in thy peace...

and continue in thy favor...

through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Angel?

I always say patrol's not complete
without a trip to the stinky sewers.

I'm sure I saw him
come down here.

Couldn't we just let this
be the vamp that got away?

We could say he was this big.

What can I say?
I need closure.

You need clothes.
You don't have a tux, do you?

Since when did patrolling
go black tie?

For the prom, silly.

We have more important things to think
about right now than a dance, Buffy.

Sorry, Giles.
I'll just be quiet.

Come on.
Don't be that way.

Not now.

I'm not being that way.

- Every time I say the word "prom,"
you get grouchy.
- I'm sorry.

I'm just worried that you're getting
too invested in this whole thing.

What whole thing?

Isn't this the stuff that I'm supposed
to get invested in...

going to a formal,
graduating, growing up?

I know.

Then what?
What's with the dire?

It's, uh...

- It's nothing.
- No. You have "something" face.

I think we need to talk.

But not now, not here.

No. No. If you have
something to say, then say it.

Angel, drop the cryptic.
You're scaring me.

I've been thinking
about our future.

And the more I do,
the more I feel like us,

you and me being together,

is unfair to you.

Is this about
what the mayor said?

- Because he was just
trying to shake us up.
- He was right.

No. No, he wasn't.
He's the bad guy.

[Sighs Deeply]

You deserve more.

You deserve something outside
of demons and darkness.

I mean,

you should be with someone
who can take you into the light,

someone who can
make love to you.

I don't care about that.

You will.
And children.

Children? Can you say jumping the gun?
I kill my goldfish.

Today, but you have no idea
how fast it goes, Buffy.

Before you know it,
you'll want it all... a normal life...

I'll never have a normal life.

Oh, right.
You'll always be a slayer,

but that's all the more reason why
you should have a real relationship...

instead of this...
this freak show.

I didn't mean that.

I'm gonna go.

I'm sorry.
All right, Buffy?

You know how much I love you.
It kills me to say this.

Then don't. Who are you
to tell me what's right for me?

- You think I haven't
thought about this?
- Have you?

- Rationally?
- No.

No, of course not. I'm just some
swoony little schoolgirl, right?

I'm trying to do
what's right here, OK?

I'm trying to think with my head
instead of my heart.

Heart?
You have a heart?

It isn't even beating.

- Don't.
- Don't what? Don't love you?

I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know
that I got a choice in that.

I'm never gonna change.
I can't change.

I want my life to be with you.

[Whispers]
I don't.

You don't wanna be with me?

I can't believe
you're breaking up with me.

It doesn't mean
that I don't...

How am I supposed
to stay away from you?

I'm leaving.

After the ascension.

After it's finished
with the mayor and Faith,

if we survive, I'll go.

Where?

I don't know.

Is this really happening?

So, that's it?

That's it.

Assuming we survive
this ascension thing,

he's gonna leave town.

Oh, he's a fool.

He's just a big, dumb jerk person,
if you ask me.

And he's a super-maxi jerk...

for doing it right
before the prom.

That's not his fault.

He's 243 years old.

He doesn't exactly get the prom.

- But he should if he...
- Wil, it's OK.

You don't have to
make him the bad guy.

But that's the best friend's job,

vilifying and grousing.

Usually, yeah.

But he's right.

I mean, I think maybe,
in the long run, that he's right.

Yeah, I think he is.

I mean, I tried to hope
for the best, but...

I'm sorry.

It must be horrible.

I think horrible
is still coming.

Right now, it's worse.

Right now, I'm just trying
to keep from dying.

Oh, Buffy.

I can't breathe, Wil.

I feel like I can't breathe.

OK. How long does it take you
to buy a damn dress?

Xander!

I, uh... I'm considering things
a little more carefully nowadays.

I don't want to get stuck
with another dud.

Well, this should work for you.

It positively screams nympho.

Is this a customer or a friend?

Neither. Just stopped by
for my daily helping of bile.

So you better get back to work
and quit goofing.

Mrs. Finkle so has it in for you.

- You work here?
- [Sighs Deeply]

Yes. Yes, I work here.

But, uh, why?

I'm trying to buy a dress.

But don't you already
have all the dresses?

I have nothing, OK?
No dresses,

no cell phone, no car.

Everything has been taken away...

because Daddy made
a little mistake on his taxes...

for the last 12 years.

Satisfied?
Are you a happy Xander now?

I'm broke.

I can't go to any of the colleges
that accepted me,

and I can't stay home
because we no longer have one.

Uh, wow.

Yeah, neato!

Now you can run along and tell all of
your friends how Cordy finally got hers.

How she has to work part-time just
to get a lousy prom dress on layaway!

And how she has
to wear a name tag.

Oh, I'm a name-tag person.
Don't leave that out.

The story just wouldn't
have the same punch.

And you say the creature
just stopped?

Yeah.

Right there.

See, it's like he just realized...

he forgot to put money
in the meter or something.

The other part that totally weirded
me out, that thing had good taste.

He chucked Xander
and went right for the formal wear.

That's right. He left behind his copy
of Monster's Wear Daily.

I'm serious. Look at the outfit
that Xander's wearing.

Now look at the kid that
the monster went after.

- Very smooth lines,
till he was shredded.
- [Tape Rewinds]

I don't wanna see it again.

Buffy, it's horrible,

but you're gonna
hunt this creature.

- You should study it.
- Think I got it.

She's right.
I mean,

you've seen one big hairy bringer
of death, you've seen them all.

Not really.

If I'm not mistaken,
this is a hellhound.

Yes. It's particularly vicious.

It's a sort of
a demon foot soldier...

bred during the Mahkash wars.

Trained solely to kill, they...

feed off the brains
of their foes.

- Look! Right there! Zoom in on that.
- It's a videotape.

So? They do it on television
all the time.

Not with a regular VCR,
they don't.

Perhaps we could stay
on the topic for once.

What, uh, were you
doing with Xander?

Cordelia:
What?

Um, I was...

Burning a hole
in Daddy's wallet, as usual.

I just bumped into her
during my tuxedo hunt.

What's that?
Hey, pause it.

Guys, it's just a normal VCR.
It doesn't...

Oh, wait.

It can do pause.

Xander:
Hello, hellhound raiser.

Oz:
"Tucker Wells." He was in my chem lab.

Let me guess.
He was quiet, kept to himself,

but always seemed like
a nice young man.

Well, he didn't seem
the murderous type, anyway.

Something must've happened to him.

How's it going over there, Buff?

Fine.

Well, I just wanted to say
that your impersonation...

of an inanimate object
is really coming along.

Thanks.

Ooh, ooh! I got into
Tucker's E-mail account.

Listen to this message
Tucker sent to this kid...

David Metz at school last week.

"The Sunnydale High lemmings
have no idea what awaits them.

Their big night will be
their last night."

So we have a threat against
the students on their big night,

a hellhound trained to attack people
in formal wear...

Oh. Are we all
catching up now?

This Tucker is planning
to attack the prom tonight.

Once again the Hellmouth puts
the special in special occasion.

Why do I even buy tickets
for these things, I ask you?

I wonder if I can
take my dress back?

- Don't you dare.
- But Tucker's gonna...

No! You guys are gonna have a prom,
the kind of prom everyone should have.

I'm gonna give you all
a nice, fun, normal evening,

if I have to kill every single person
on the face of the earth to do it.

Yea?

OK, Wes, why don't you go
to Tucker's house?

He's probably not there,
but it's worth a shot.

All right.
Perhaps strength in numbers...

You can take Cordy.

If that's your plan, all right.
All right.

What about the others?

Oz, you said you know this David kid
that Tucker E-mailed?

You and Wil track him down.
See what he knows, if he's involved.

- We're on it.
- And could you two check the Magic Shop?

- Magic Shop?
- It's next to the dress store on Main.

I can swing that one.
What's the mission?

See if anyone's been in buying supplies
to raise a hellhound.

Got ya.
Or check and see...

who's been stocking up
on hellhound Snausages.

I hear those pups do anything
for a tasty treat.

Giles, you say
this thing eats brains.

Any brains?

Um, I suppose...

Then Tucker must be
feeding it, right?

Yeah, yeah. This kid orders cow brains
a couple times a week.

Oh, uh, it goes to this address.

Good luck.
He's a weird kid.

Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

What are you doing here?

Hello to you too.

Sorry, I...
I'm just surprised.

Me too.
I don't know why, though.

I mean, where did I think
you get your blood, McPlasma's?

- How are you?
- Right as rain.

Whatever that means.

Don't look at me like that.
I can lie to you if I want to now.

- We're ex, remember?
- If it means anything, I miss you.

Can we not, please?

When I think about us, I have
this tendency to sort of go catatonic,

and I really can't afford
to do that right now.

I've gotta stop a crazy
from pulling a Carrie at the prom.

You're still planning to go?

Strictly in a chaperone capacity,
but it's fine.

I mean, I'm cool with going stag.

I'm over the whole "Buffy gets
one perfect high-school moment" thing,

but I'm certainly not gonna
let some subhuman ruin it...

for the rest
of the senior class.

- Let me help you.
- I'm OK.

- If you ever need my help...
- Look, I got it.

Thanks.

Hey, don't forget your dress.

Aren't you wearing it tonight?

As much as I hate to admit it,
I haven't finished paying for it yet.

Well, somebody did.

What? Who?

- Zeroes all around, Buff.
- Sorry.

Make not with the long faces.
I got the address.

The prom starts in a little.
I want you guys to go on,

and I will catch up
as soon as I put a lid on this jerk.

- What? No way.
- We can't just leave you, Buff.

Buffy, they're right.
You need...

To see taillights.
Hit the door.

- I have everything under control.
- Buffy, it makes sense to...

Have... a nice time.

- OK, then.
- See ya.

I want you at the gym.
Keep an eye on them till I get there.

I don't have to tell you
you're being rather rash.

Finding an address hardly
adds up to case closed.

Look, it's done.

You wanna go after them
and tell them they can't go?

That all of their planning
and dreaming was for nothing?

That they can't spend tonight
with their honeys of all nights?

[Sets Down Bow]

Angel's not taking you,
is he?

Angel's leaving me.
He's leaving town.

Buffy, I'm sorry.

I don't really know
what to say.

Um, I understand that
this sort of thing...

requires ice cream of some kind.

Ice cream will come.

First, I wanna
take out psycho boy.

You sure?

Great thing about being a slayer...
kicking ass is comfort food.

[Dance Music Plays]

So she wished her husband's head
would explode, which was great,

except we were standing
three feet from him at the time.

What a mess. Of course,
you know, during the plague,

it was always parts
falling off, but...

that got pretty old since really
they pretty much were anyway, and...

I must say,
this is all rather odd to me.

Being at an all-male preparatory,
we didn't go in for this sort of thing.

No, of course not.

Unless you count the nights
you made the lowerclassmen...

get up as girls
and watched them...

Dip is tasty, isn't it?

[Coughs]

Salsa's hot.

Very hot.

We got in.
Maybe we should dance...

before we get besieged,
bedeviled or beheaded or something.

It's not gonna happen.

You're not even a little nervous?

You think Buffy's gonna let us down?

- Wanna enjoy some punch?
- Yes.

May I say you look... smashing?

It's a start.

So then this one time, a girl wished
that her ex would cannibalize himself.

Even I had a hard time
watching that one.

Cordelia. Wesley.

My God in heaven,
it's good to see you.

How are you both?
And details, please.

- Very well, thank you.
- Yes, thank you.

It looks good on you.

Well, duh!

- You ready to go...
- Sorry. New plan!

- The prom's a go, and you're pathetic.
- Maybe.

Maybe not.

So that's how you did it?

That's how you brainwashed the hounds
to go psycho on prom?

- Neat, huh?
- I don't get it.

What kind of sicko wants to destroy
the happiest night of a senior's life?

I have my reasons.

- You want to go to the prom with me?
- No.

Whatever.
Every maladjust has his reasons.

Luckily for me,
you're an incompetent maladjust.

Up. OK.

Now I'm gonna lock you in here,
and I'm gonna party like it's 19...

Gotta have a redundancy system.

Any "incompetent" knows that.

My three fiercest babies
are on their way to the dance right now.

You think formal wear
makes them crazy?

Wait till they see
the mirror ball.

[Growling]

[Yelps]

That's right.
Follow Buffy. Good dogs.

[Prom Goers Yell As Song Plays]

Oh, come on.
That song sucks.

Get back!

[Neck Snaps]

Bathroom?

Th-Th-Th-Th...

You're welcome.

Eww.

Buffy, you look awesome.

So do you.

Everything cool?

Coolest. Devil dogs are history.
How's the prom?

Strangely affecting. I got all teared up
when they played "We Are Family."

Everything's perfect.

[Whistling And Applause]

And the award for
Sunnydale High's...

class clown for 1999
goes to... Jack Mayhew.

Please! Anybody can
be a prop class clown.

You know, none of the people
who vote for these things are funny.

We have one more award
to give out.

Is Buffy Summers here tonight?

D-Did she, um...

This is actually a new category.

First time ever.

I guess there were a lot
of write-in ballots.

Um, well, the prom committee
asked me to-to read this.

"We're not good friends.

"Most of us never found the time
to get to know you.

"But that doesn't mean
we haven't noticed you.

"We don't talk about it much,

"but it's no secret
that Sunnydale High...

"isn't really like
other high schools.

A lot of weird stuff
happens here."

- Student On Floor: Zombies!
- Hyena people!

Third Student:
Snyder!

"But whenever there was a problem
or something creepy happened,

"you seemed to show up
and stop it.

"Most of the people here
have been saved by you...

"or helped by you
at one time or another.

"We're proud to say
that the class of'99...

"has the lowest mortality rate
of any graduating class...

"in Sunnydale history.

"And we know at least
part of that is because of you.

"So the senior class
offers its thanks...

and gives you,
uh, uh, this."

It's from all of us.

And it has written here...

"Buffy Summers,

Class Protector."

[Applause]

[Slow Dance Music Plays]

Mr. Giles.

I'd like your opinion.

While the last thing I wish to do
is model bad behavior...

in front of impressionable youth,

I wonder if asking
Miss Chase to dance...

For God's sake, man, she's 18.

And you have the emotional maturity
of a blueberry scone.

Just have at it, would you?
And stop fluttering about.

Right, then.

Thanks for that.

This isn't bad.

You did good work tonight, Buffy.

And I got a little toy surprise.

Heh heh. Yes.

I had no idea that children...
en masse...

could be... gracious.

Every now and then,
people surprise you.

Every now and then.

I never thought you'd come.

It's a big night.
I didn't wanna miss it.

It's just tonight.
It doesn't mean that...

I know.

I mean, I understand.

Will you dance with me?