Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 3, Episode 2 - Dead Man's Party - full transcript

Buffy is back home, to her mother Joyce's great relief, which calls for a dinner invitation for the while gang, but the mood remains gloomy, despite her resuming the main slaying tasks although for the others things can't just return to their former state, not in the least because the obviously amused principal Snyder pays no attention to pleas to take Buffy back (mother's threat to take the case to the mayor even has an inverse effect), while Buffy still dreams of Angel. After a dead cat found in the Summers bookcase, other stinking corpses come to life again, a phenomenon which must have something to do with a the mysterious Nigerian mask with lighting red eyes mother Joyce bought, fortunately no secret to Giles...

Mom?

Oh! Buffy.

Um...

sorry.

No. No.
Don't worry about it.

I guess I just got used
to all the quiet

while you were gone.

But it's no problem.

Uh. Iook.

It's Nigerian.

We got a very exciting shipment
in at the gallery.



I. Um. Thought I'd hang
a few pieces in here.

It cheers up the room.

It's angry
at the room. Mom.

It wants the room
to suffer.

You have no appreciation
of primitive art.

You going out?

Oh.

Um...

well. If it's OK.

I. Um.

I'd like to find
Willow and Xander.

Will you be slaying?

Only if they give me lip.

Uh. Can I make you a sandwich
or something before you go?



You must be starving.

I was until that
4-course snack

you served me
after dinner.

Well. Then. You know.
why don't I drive you?

I mean.
they could be anywhere.

Mom...

if you don't want me
to go. Just say so.

No. No.

I just want to put
this whole thing behind us.

get back to normal.

You go.

Have a good time.

OK.

Aah!

Didn't anyone ever warn you
about playing with pointy sticks?

It's all fun and games
until somebody loses an eye.

You shouldn't sneak up
on people like that.

Geez. Buff.

Cordelia: Come in. Nighthawk!
Everything OK?

Nighthawk?

Ooh!

Oh. Hey. Buffy.

Aah!

Hey. Guys.

You know.
maybe it's too late.

Maybe we should just
come back tomorrow.

What if he's mad?

Mad?

Just because
you ran away

and abandoned your post
and your friends and your mom

and made him lay awake
every night worrying about you?

Maybe we should
wait out here.

Check it out.

The watcher is back
on the clock.

And just when you were
thinking career change.

maybe becoming
a looker or a seer.

Thank you. Xander.

Welcome home. Buffy.

I got in a few hours ago.

but I wanted to go
see my mom first.

Yes. Yes. Of course.
How did you find her?

Well. I pretty much
remembered the address.

I mean. Uh...

how are things
between you?

[Tea Kettle Whistles]

Ah. Excuse me.

Hey. So you're not wanted
for murder anymore.

Good.

That was such a drag.

So where were you?

Did you go to Belgium?

Why would I go to Belgium?

I think the relevant question is
why wouldn't you?

Belgium!

[Buffy Laughs]

Ahem.

Here we are then.

Cheer us up.

Cordelia: So were you.
like. Living in a box or what?

Well. It's a long story.

So skip
the heartwarming stuff

about kindly old people
and saving the farm

and get right to the dirt.

Perhaps Buffy could use
a little time to adjust

before we grill her
on her summer activities.

What he said.

Fair enough.

In fact. You can leave
the slaying to us

while you settle in.
We got you covered.

I noticed.

You guys seem down
with the slayage.

all tricked out
with your walkies and everything.

Yeah. But the outfits suck.

This whole Rambo thing
is so over.

I'm thinking more sporty.
like Hilfiger maybe.

Still. We were getting good.

We dusted 9 out of 10.

6 out of 10.

6 out of 10.

Whatever. We were kicking
a little undead booty.

Thank you for the offer.

but I think I just want to
get back to my normal routine.

You know. School. Slaying...
kid's stuff.

In fact. I'm jonesing
for a little brainless fun.

What are you doing
tomorrow?

Oh. I would. But. Uh.
I'm kind of tied up.

You wish.

Wil?

Um. Tomorrow I...

Oh. Come on.

Friends don't let
friends browse alone.

OK. I had some schoolwork.
but I can change my plans.

As for school. Buffy.

uh. You know you'll have to
talk to Principal Snyder before...

On it. Mom is making
an appointment with His Ugliness.

I know she can break him.

Absolutely not.

Under no circumstances.

But you can't
keep her out of school.

You don't have the right.

I have not only the right.

but also a nearly physical
sensation of pleasure

at the thought
of keeping her out of school.

I'd describe
myself as tingly.

Buffy was cleared
of all those charges.

Yes. And while she may

live up to the not-a-murderer
requirement for enrollment.

she is a troublemaker.

destructive to school property

and the occasional student.

And her grade point average
is enough to...

I'm sorry.
Another tingle moment.

I don't see how
you can be so cavalier

about a young girl's
entire future!

I'm quite sure that a girl
with the talents and abilities of Buffy

will land on her feet.

In fact. I noticed
as I came in this morning

that Hot Dog on a Stick
is hiring.

You will look so cute
in that hat.

Let's go. Mom.

This isn't over.

If I have to.
I'll go all the way to the mayor.

Wouldn't that be interesting.

Don't worry
about school. Honey.

If we can't get you
back into Sunnydale.

maybe we can swing
private school.

Private school?

You mean. Like
jackets and kilts?

You want me to get
field hockey knees?

It's not that bad.

What about home schooling?

You know. It's not just
for scary religious people anymore.

We'll work something out.

OK?

Say hi to Willow?

Oh. My word.

Oh. You must be Buffy!

Look at you.

Aren't you a picture?

Thank you.

Oh. I'm Pat.
from your mom's book club.

I'm sure she mentioned me.

Actually...

I sort of took it
upon myself

to look after her
while you were.

you know. Off and away
or what have you and.

well. Between your situation
and reading Deep Ed of the Ocea,

she was. Uh. She was
just a wreck.

You can imagine.

Anyway I'm off.

We're making empanadas
in my Spanish class tonight.

You go be with your mom.

You two need to rebond.

Pat wishes us quality time.

Oh. I met her in a...

Book club.

Got it.

Oh. Uh. Before I forget.
Willow just called.

Where was she?

She... She got held up.
but she said she tried to call.

Was there a message?

No.

But I had a thought.

What if I invited Willow and Mr. Giles
and everybody over

for dinner tomorrow night?

Don't you think
that would be nice?

Since I sort of already did.

I was hoping for a yes.

It'll be fun.

Great.

Uh. Do me a favor?

Run down and get
the company plates.

Mom. Willow and everybody
aren't company-plate people.

They're normal-plate people.

We never have guests for dinner.

Indulge your mother?

Ooh!

Eww.

[Grunts]

Next time. I get to pick the
mother-daughter bonding activity.

Do you want
to say something?

Like what. Thanks for
stopping by and dying?

How about. Um...

good-bye. Stray cat.
who lost its way.

We hope you find it.

I thought they'd be here.

They are.
They're waiting for you.

Am I dreaming?

I'm probably
the wrong person to ask.

You'd better go.

I'm afraid.

You should be.

[Bell Rings]

[Alarm Rings]

I've been on the phone with
the superintendent of schools.

At least he seems
more reasonable

than that nasty little
horrid. Bigoted rodent man.

Mom...

Anyway I'm going in
to speak with him this afternoon.

As for private schools.

Miss Porter's accepts
late admissions.

I. Uh. I wrote the information
down for you.

A girls' school?

So now it's jackets.
kilts. And no boys?

Care to throw in
a little foot-binding?

Buffy. You made
some bad choices.

You just might have to live
with some consequences.

Nothing's settled yet.

I just wish

you didn't have to be
so secretive about things.

It's not your fault
you have a special circumstance.

They should make
allowances for you.

Mom. I'm a slayer.

It's not like I need to ride
a little bus to school.

Couldn't you just
tell a few people.

like Principal Snyder
and maybe the police?

I mean. I would think they
would be happy to have a...

a superhero.

Is that the right term?

I mean. It's not offensive.

[Gasps]

Welcome to the Hellmouth
Petting Zoo.

[Growling]

Oh. My God.
what a stench.

You know. I wanted
forest pine or April fresh.

but Mom wanted dead cat.

I'll. Uh...

Ugh!

I'll get it
back to the library.

see if we can determine
its exact origin.

It's. Uh. Striking

and... Nigerian.

Oh.

Yes. I have this
wonderful dealer

who specializes
in ancient artifacts...

You know. I love art talk as much
as the next very dull person.

but we have work to do.
Giles. Research mode.

Sh-Shouldn't you stay
with your mother. Perhaps. Buffy?

I mean. You must have...

Please. No. It's fine.
She can go with you.

Actually. She can't.

Um...

you're not allowed
on school property.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Um. Uh...

I'll... I'll call as soon
as I know something.

Oh. We'll see you tonight?

Tonight. Then. Yes.

It looks dead.
It smells dead.

Yet it's moving around.

That's interesting.

Nice pet. Giles.

Don't you like
anything regular?

Golf. USA Today,
or anything?

I'm trying to find out
how and why it rose from the grave.

It's not as if I'm going to take it home
and offer it a saucer of warm milk.

Well. I like it.

I think you should
call it Patches.

What about Buffy's
welcome home dinner tonight?

I had told her mom
we'd help out. Bring stuff.

I'm the dip.

Uh. You got to admire
the purity of it.

What?

Onion dip.

Stirring. Not cooking.

It's what I bring.

We should figure out
what kind of deal this is.

I mean. Is it a gathering.
a shindig. Or a hootenanny?

What's the difference?

Well. A gathering is brie.
mellow song stylings.

Shindig. Dip.

less mellow song stylings.

perhaps a large amount
of malt beverage.

and hootenanny. Well.
it's chock full of hoot.

just a little bit of nanny.

Well. I hate brie.

I know.
It smells like Giles' cat.

It's not my...

And what'll we talk about

at a gathering anyway?

"So. Buffy. Did you meet
any nice pimps on your travels?

And oh. By the by. Thanks for ruining
our lives for the past 3 months."

Xander.
You know what I mean.

She doesn't want
to talk about it.

we don't want
to talk about it.

so why don't we just
shut up and dance?

Well. Buffy said she did
want to loosen up.

you know.
have some kid time.

Aren't you guys
rehearsing tonight?

Why don't you play
at the party?

Yeah. I think I could
supply some Dingo action.

I'm not sure that.
a. Um... shindig...

Hootenanny.

Hootenanny is really
the order of the day.

Maybe something
a little more intimate.

I mean Buffy
has just got home.

I'm sure she's still feeling
a little disoriented.

All the more reason
to make her feel welcome.

and a big party says.
"Welcome. Buffy."

OK. So one vote
from the old guy

for a smelly cheese night.

and how many votes
for actual fun. Huh?

All right. All right.
Have it your way.

I'm just glad
to have her home.

Now things can get
back to normal.

[Doorbell Rings]

Hey. There you are!

Not thinking about any more
flights of fancy. I hope.

Joyce said there was room
for one more.

so I said forget facial night
and let's party!

I bet you like empanadas.

Do you want to see my mom?

Please.

Mom!

Oh. Pat. Good.

Buffy. I hope you don't mind.

- Hi!
- Hi!

You look great.

[Doorbell Rings]

Hey. Buffy. So where do you want
the band to set up?

Wh... The band?

Hey!

Hey!

This is large!

You like?

Yeah. It's great.

I was just sort of
hoping it would be... us.

Sorry. What?

This is amazing.
but I was sort of hoping

we could just
hang together. The gang.

Is everything OK?

You've-You seem
to be avoiding me.

in the one-on-one sense.

What?

This isn't avoiding.

See? Here you are.
here I am.

So we're cool?

Way!

That's why. With the party.

'cause we're all glad
you're back.

OK.

OK.

Good.

Xander: Hey. Buff. Uh...

what are you doing?

I was just taking a break
from all this wacky fun.

Some kind of party. Huh?

I guess a lot of people
are glad to have you back.

It seems like people
I didn't even know missed me.

Did Giles say he was
going to be late?

Uh. He was library man
last time I saw him.

But he'll be here.

He wants to celebrate
your homecoming.

We all do. I mean. It's great
to have the Buffster back.

Isn't it?

Totally!

Except you were kind
of turning me on

with that whole
boy slayer look.

Was I now?

You bet. Nighthawk.

[Giggling]

Well. I'll just be. Uh...
Oh.

Breathe.

Breathe.

All right. Iook.
These burns are too extensive.

It's 7:43.

Let's call it.

This party?

Heard it was for some chick
that just got out of rehab.

Whew!

Now. How you
holding up. Joyce. Hmm?

Really.

Really? I'm...

I don't know.

While Buffy was gone.

all I could think about
was getting her home.

I just knew that if I could
put my arms around her

and tell her how much I loved her.
everything would be ok.

But?

Having Buffy home.

I thought it was going
to make it all better.

but in some ways.
it's almost worse.

[Sniffling]

Oh. Lord!

[Dialing]

[Ringing]

[Ring]

Party villa.
can I rock you?

I... I... I need to speak
with Buffy.

Um. Immediately!

I have some information
that is extremely important.

Yeah! Fiesta foul!

You gotta do a shot!

I need to speak to Buffy!

Now!

Bunny?

See? That guy's
gotta do a shot.

Giles: Buffy!

Hey! I need
to talk to a Buddy.

Is there a Buddy here?

Sorry. He's not here.

You got the wrong casa.
Mr. Belvedere.

[Click]

H-Hello?

Hello?!

[Slams Phone Down]

[Cat Snarling And Hissing]

[Hisses]

You're leaving again?

What. You just stopped
by for your lint brush

and now you're
ready to go?

It's not like
anyone will mind.

Oh. No.
Have a great time.

Oh. And don't forget
to ot write.

Why are you attacking me?

I'm trying.

Wow. And it looks
so much like giving up.

I'm just trying
to make things easier.

For who?

You guys were doing
just fine without me.

We were doing
the best we could.

It's not like we had a lot
of choice in the matter.

Sorry that I had to leave.

but you don't know
what I was going through.

Well. I'd like to.

You wouldn't understand.

Well. Maybe I don't
need to understand.

Maybe I... I just need
you to talk to me.

How could I talk to you
when you were avoiding me?

This isn't easy. Buffy.

I know you're
going through stuff.

but... so am I.

I know that you were
worried about me. But...

No! I don't
just mean that.

I mean. My life.

You know?

I-I'm having
all sorts of...

I'm dating.

I'm having serious dating

with a werewolf.

and I'm studying witchcraft

and killing vampires.

and I didn't have
anyone to talk to

about all this scary life stuff.

And you were my best friend.

Unbelievable.

"Do you like my mask?

"Isn't it pretty?

It raises the dead."

Americans.

Geez!

[Tires Screech]

My God.

Are you all right?

Are you hurt?

Good God.

You have no idea
how much I missed you.

Everyone.

I wanted to call every day.

That doesn't matter. Buffy.

It doesn't make it
OK that you didn't.

What is this?

Is this some sort of a joke?

Mom. Please. Could you just...

No. I can't just.

Buffy. What is this?

She was running away again.

No. I wasn't.

I'm not sure.

Well. You better get sure
and explain yourself right away.

If you think you can just take off
anytime you feel like...

Stop it!

Please!

I don't know.

I don't know
what I'm doing.

Don't you leave
this house. Young lady!

You know what? That's it.

You and I are
going to have a talk.

Mom. Please.

You know what?
I don't care.

I don't care what
your friends think of me

or you for that matter.

because you put me
through the wringer. Buffy.

I mean it.

And I've had schnapps.

Do you have any idea
what it's been like?

Mom. This isn't
the time...

You can't imagine
months of not knowing.

not knowing whether you're lying
dead in a ditch somewhere

or. I don't know.
living it up.

But you told me!

You're the one who
said I should go.

You said if I leave this house.
don't come back!

You found out
who I really was.

and you couldn't deal.

Don't you remember?

Buffy. You didn't give me time.

You just dumped this thing on me

and you expected me to get it.

Well. Guess what.
Mom's not perfect. OK?

I handled it badly.

But that doesn't give you the right
to punish me by running away.

Punish you?
I didn't do this to punish you.

Well. You did.

You should've seen
what you put her through.

Great. Thanks.
Anybody else want to weigh in here?

How about you
by the dip?

No. Thanks.

I'm good.

You know. Maybe you don't
want to hear it. Buffy.

but taking off like you did
was incredibly selfish and stupid.

OK. OK. I screwed up.
I know this.

But you have no idea!

You have... You have no idea
what happened to me

or what I was feeling!

Did you even try
talking to anybody?

There was nothing that
anybody could do. OK?

I just had to deal
with this on my own.

Yeah. And you see how well
that one worked out.

You can't just
bury stuff. Buffy.

It'll come right back up
to get you.

Good show. Giles.

[Engine Starts]

Like riding a bloody bicycle.

As if I even could've
gone to you. Xander.

You made your feelings
about Angel and I perfectly clear.

Look. I'm sorry that
your honey was a demon.

but most girls don't hop
a Greyhound over boy troubles.

Time out. Xander.

Put yourself in Buffy's shoes
for just a minute.

OK?

I'm Buffy.
freak of nature. Right?

Naturally I pick a freak
for a boyfriend.

and then he turns
into Mr. Killing Spree.

which is pretty much
my fault...

Cordy. Get out of my shoes.

I'm just trying to help. Buffy.

Buffy. You never...

Willow. Please.

I can't take this from you. Too.

Let her finish.
You at least owe her that.

God. Xander.
do you think you could at least

stick to annoying me
on your own behalf?

Fine. You stop acting
like an idiot.

I'll stop annoying you.

Oh. You want to talk
acting like an idiot.

Nighthawk?

OK. I'm gonna step in now.

being referee guy.

No. Let them go. Oz.

Talking about it isn't helping.

We might as well
try some violence.

I was being sarcastic!

Hey! Aah!

Xander. Kitchen!

I got your back.

Are these vampires?

Uh. I don't think so.

Buffy. Heads up!

Joyce: Ugh!

No. Not vampires.

Ohh!

Oh! Aah!

Aah!

Man. This sucker wobbles.
but he won't fall down!

We got to get 'em
back outside.

On 3!

1...

2... 3!

OK. We're going to have
to barricade this door.

- We need help!
- I got him.

Go help Buffy.

Grab that table!

Aah!

- Upstairs!
- Aah!

Wait up!

Oh. God.

Careful.

Ohh.

Hurry. Hurry.
hurry. Hurry.

Oh. God. Come on.

Oz!

Go! Go!

OK.

She's...

Oh. God. Pat.

She's dead!

- Aah!
- Aah!

Arrghh!

What do we do if they get in?

I kind of think we die.

Cordelia:
I don't hear anything.

Shall we check?

Oz:
Let's go for it.

[Door Squeaks]

Here.

Thanks.

Aah!

Cordelia. It's me. It's me.

How do we know it's really you
and not Zombie Giles?

Cordelia. Do stop
being tiresome.

It's him.

I think the dead man's party's
moved upstairs.

That makes sense.

It's the mask in Joyce's bedroom
they're after.

Mask?

The mask holds the power
of a zombie demon.

called Ovu Mobani...
Evil Eye.

I don't think we
can get past them.

Well. What happens
if they get the mask?

If one of them puts it on.

they become
the demon incarnate.

Worse than a zombie.

Yes. Worse.

[Groans]

Oh. God!

We thought you were...

Generally speaking.

when scary things get scared.

not good.

I live. You die.

Willow. Don't look!

Out back!

Not looking.

Not looking.

Arrgghh!

Arrggghh!

Tell Buffy
Mobani's power

is in his eyes.

Ohh!

She has to go
for the eyes to defeat him!

Oz: Buffy!

Buffy!

Hey. Pat.

Made you look.

Never mind.

Honey!

Oh!

Are you all right?

Yeah.

So. Is this a typical day
at the office?

No.

This was nothing.

Nice moves.

You. Too.

[Knock On Door]

Do we have
an appointment?

I'd like to have
a word with you.

If that word is Buffy.

then I have 2 words for you...
good and riddance.

Now. If you don't mind.

I have an appointment
with the mayor.

You can't keep her
out of this school.

I think you'll find I can.

You had no grounds
for expelling her.

I have grounds.
I have precedent.

and a tingly kind of feeling.

Buffy Summers is a minor

and is entitled
to a public education.

Your personal
dislike of the girl

does not legally
entitle you...

Why don't you take it up
with the city council?

I thought I'd start with
the state supreme court.

You're powerful
in local circles.

but I believe I can make life
very difficult for you.

professionally speaking.

And Buffy will be
allowed back in.

Sorry.
I'm not convinced.

Would you like me
to convince you?

I mean. I'm not
a full-fledged witch.

That takes years.

I just did a couple
of pagan blessings

and teeny glamour
to hide a zit.

Does it scare you?

It has.

I tried to communicate
with the spirit world.

and I so wasn't
ready for that.

It's like being
pulled apart inside.

Plus I blew the power
for our whole block.

Big scare.

I wish I could've
been there with you.

Me. Too.

I really freaked out.

I am sorry.

It's ok. I understand
you having to bail.

and I can forgive that.

I have to make allowances

for what you're
going through

and be a grownup about it.

You're really enjoying this whole
moral superiority thing. Aren't you?

It's like a drug.

Fine. OK.

I'm the bad.
I can take my lumps...

for a while.

All right. I'll stop giving you
a hard time...

runaway.

Wil!

I'm sorry... quitter.

Whiner.

Bailer.

Harpy.

Delinquent.

Tramp.

Bad seed.

Witch.

Freak.

Grrr! Arrggh!