Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 3, Episode 14 - Bad Girls - full transcript

So, what, you're
telling me never?

Faith, really,
now is not the time.

I'm curious. Never ever?

Come on, really.

All this time,
and not even once?

How many times
do I have to say it?

I have never...
done it...

with Xander!

He's just a friend.

So? What are friends for?

I mean, I'm sorry,
it's just,



all this sweating-nightly,
side-by-side action,

and you never put in
for a little after-hours... [Grunts]

Thanks for the poetry.

And, no. I love Xander.

I just don't...
love Xander.

Besides, I think it ruins
friendships to do that stuff.

You think too much.

Hey... there's one more.

How do you know?

I think too much.

OK. Count of 3...

1...

3.

Nicely diverted, B.



Diverted? That was me
fighting for my life,

Miss Attention Span.

This isn't a Tupperware party.
It's a little hard to plan.

The count of 3 isn't a plan.
It's Sesame Street.

Hey, they're toast
and we're here,

so it couldn't have
been too bad, right?

Who were those guys,
anyways?

I don't know.

They didn't seem local.

Look, why don't
we grab the weapons.

Maybe Giles...

Mr. Trick:
Check these out.

[Giggling]

I just love
The Family Circus.

That P.J., he's getting
to be quite a handful.

Well...

I haven't seen
anything like this in, uh,

well, a good long while.

Where is the owner
of these fine implements?

The common term
is "slain."

But I've been seeing
this breed around.

Are we expecting
any trouble?

Do you like Family Circus?

I like Marmaduke.

Oh! Eww!

He's always on the furniture.
Unsanitary.

Nobody can tell Marmaduke what to do.
That's my kinda dog.

I like to read Cathy.

So, uh, what about
these swords?

What should we do
about that?

Well, let's just
keep an eye out.

We've got the dedication
coming up in a few days.

We certainly can't have anything
interfering with that.

Well, maybe we should
postpone the...

the... the dedication.

I believe the honorable mayor
hates that idea.

The dedication...

is the final step
before my ascension.

I have waited longer
than you can imagine for this.

After the hundred days,
I'll be on a higher plane.

And I'll have
no more need for...

Well, let's just say
I won't be concerned...

with the little things.

Mr. Trick,
watch these people.

Anything you
find out about them,

well, let's just see that
that information reaches the slayers.

Who knows? With any luck,
they'll kill each other.

Then everyone's a winner.

Everyone, of course...

meaning me.

- Willow, what are these?
- They're early admission packets.

Harvard...

Yale...

Wesleyan...

some German polytechnical
institute whose name I, uh,

I can't pronounce.

Is anyone else
intimidated?

Because I'm just expecting
thin slips of paper

with the words "No way"
written in crayon.

They're typing
those now.

I'm so overwhelmed.

I... I got in!
To actual colleges!

A-And they're wooing me!

They're pitching woo!

The wooing stage
is always fun.

Ahh. But it's weird.

Rejection I can handle 'cause
of the years of training, but this...

I feel your pain, Wil.

Like right now, I'm torn between
the fast-growing fields

of appliance repair
and motel management.

Of course, I'm still waiting to hear
back from the Corndog Emporium, so...

Well,
I think it's great.

Early admission.

Now there's nothing
standing between you

and a brilliant
future.

Well, if I may suggest,
graduate.

Getting left back,
it's not the thrill ride you'd expect.

That's so cute.
Planning life as a loser?

Most people just
turn out that way,

but you're really
taking charge.

The comedy stylings of
Miss Cordelia Chase, everyone.

Who, incidentally, won't be
needing a higher education

when she markets her own
very successful line of hooker wear.

Well, Xander,
I could dress more like you,

but, oh,
my father has a job.

I'm not gonna waste
the perfect comeback on you now.

But don't think
I don't have it.

Oh, yes,
its time will come!

So, life beyond
high school.

Anyone, please...

chime in.

I hear it's nice.

And a place
I'll never go

if I don't pass Mrs. Taggart's
chemistry test tomorrow.

Oh, I can help.

Chemistry's easy. It's a lot like
witchcraft, only less newt.

So what do you say... study jam?
My house? Tonight?

I'm there.

[Bell Rings]

Oh. I have to go
see Giles,

report on last night's
patrol.

Oh, yeah. He said he wanted
to talk to you.

What about? Is he OK?

He's looked better.

Of course,
training procedures

have been updated quite a bit
since your day.

Much greater emphasis
on field work.

Really?

Oh, yes.

Not all books
and theory nowadays.

I have, in fact,
faced 2 vampires myself.

Under controlled circumstances,
of course.

No danger of finding
those here.

Vampires?

Controlled circumstances.
Hello, Buffy.

Well...

hello.

New watcher?

New watcher.

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.

It's very nice
to meet you.

Is he evil?

Evil?

The last one
was evil.

Oh, yes. Gwendolyn Post.
We all heard.

No. Mr. Giles has checked
my credentials rather thoroughly

and phoned the Council,

but I'm glad to see
you're on the ball as well.

A good slayer
is a cautious slayer.

Is he evil?

Not in the strictest sense
of the...

Well, I'm glad
that's cleared up.

And as I'm sure none of us is anxious
to waste any time on pleasantries,

why don't you tell me everything
about last night's patrol.

Vampires.

Yes?

Killed 'em.

Anything else
you can tell me?

Uh... one of them had swords.

I don't think he was
with the other two.

Swords?

Swords.

One long, one short?

Mmm. Both pointy.

With, like,
jewels and things.

Sounds familiar.

It should.

El Eliminati.

15th-century duelist cult,
deadly in their day.

Their numbers dwindled
in later centuries

due to an increase
in anti-vampire activity

and a lot of
pointless dueling.

They eventually became the acolytes
of a demon called Balthazar,

who brought them
to the new world,

specifically here.

You seem to know
a lot about them.

I didn't get this job
because of my looks.

I really, really
believe that.

I've researched this town's
history extensively.

So why have we not
seen them before this?

They were driven out
a hundred years ago.

Happily, Balthazar
was killed.

I don't know by whom.

And they're back 'cause...

Balthazar had an amulet
purported to give him strength.

When he was killed, it was taken
by a wealthy landowner named...

I don't want to bore you
with the details.

A little bit late.

Named Gleaves.
It was buried with him,

and I believe the few
remaining Eliminati

are probably
looking for it.

For sentimental value.

And you don't think that
this amulet poses any threat?

Oh, no, not at all.

Nonetheless, we may as well
keep it from them.

Buffy, you will go to
the Gleaves family crypt tonight

and fetch the amulet.

I will?

Are you not used
to being given orders?

Whenever Giles sends me on a mission,
he always says "Please."

And afterwards
I get a cookie.

I don't feel we're getting off
on quite the right foot.

Ah.

This is perhaps Faith.

New watcher?

- New watcher.
- New watcher.

Screw that.

Now, why didn't
I just say that?

Eh, Buffy, would you...

I'll see if
I can get her back.

Don't say anything incredibly
interesting while I'm gone.

They'll get used to me.

Buffy: Faith, wait.

Look, I know this new guy's
a dork, but...

Well, I have nothing to follow that.
He's pretty much just a dork.

You're actually gonna
take orders from him?

That's the job.
What else can we do?

Whatever we want.

We're slayers, girlfriend,
the chosen two.

Why should we let him
take all the fun out of it?

Oh, that would be tragic,

taking the fun out of slaying,
stabbing, beheading.

Oh, like you
don't dig it.

I don't.

You're a liar.
I've seen you.

Tell me staking a vamp
doesn't get you a little bit juiced.

Come on, say it.

[Laughs]

You can't fool me.

The look in your eyes
right after a kill.

You just get
hungry for more.

You're way off base.

Tell me that if you don't get in
a good slaying,

after a while, you just start
itching for some vamp to show up

so you can give him
a good... [Grunts]

Again with the grunting.

You realize I'm not
comfortable with this.

Hey, slaying's what
we were built for.

If you're not
enjoying it,

you're doing
something wrong.

What about the assignment?

Tell you what, you do the homework,
and I'll copy yours.

Buffy: Strike one.
No amulet there.

Game over.

Oh!

Faith!

What are you doing,
hiding in there?

Looking for the amulet.

Wasn't counting on the special
guest stars... 6 against one.

Hence the hiding.

Yeah. Well, it's 6 against 2 now,
so come on.

Wait! Stop! Think.

No, no, no!

It's a manhole...

tight space, no escape, 6 against 2...
not unlike 3 against one.

And there might be more,
so come on.

You're just gonna go down there.
That's your plan.

Who said I had a plan?

I don't know how many's down there,
but I want to find out.

And I'll know
when I land,

and if you don't come in after me,
I might die.

These are all the diaries, then,
yours included.

That's everything.
Knock yourself out.

Please?

Oh, yes. Here's
your first entry.

"Slayer is willful
and insolent."

That would be our girl,
wouldn't it?

Well, you have
to get to know her.

"Her abuse of
the English language

is such that I understand only
every other sentence."

Oh, this is going to make
fascinating reading.

She should be back by now.

Not to fret.

My mission scenario
has her back in one minute.

Shouldn't be
any trouble.

We're surrounded!

You noticed that too?!

Let's settle this
honorably.

Well, then,
let's just settle it.

Buffy!

You son of a bitch!

I hate it
when they drown me.

B! Gotta go!

We came for the amulet.

Tell me you don't
get off on this.

It didn't suck.

Wesley: Well...

looks authentic enough.

Of course, there are tests to be made
before actual verification.

How about verifying that
your "nearly extinct" cult

was out in magnum force
last night?

Faith and I got into
a serious party situation.

Are you all right?

I had to lather,
rinse, and repeat

about 5 million times
to get the sewer out of my hair,

but otherwise,
I'm of the good.

Thank you for asking.

Perhaps there were a few more
than we'd anticipated,

but I'd expect you to be
ready for anything.

Remember the 3 key words
for any slayer:

Preparation...

preparation...

preparation.

That's one word 3 times.

I have a chem. Test.

So sad that I'm actually
happy about that.

Giles, we need to talk.

Buffy...

I must ask you to remember
that I am your watcher.

From now on, anything
you have to say about slaying

you will say to me.

The only thing
you need discuss with Mr. Giles

is overdue book fees.

Understood?

- We'll talk.
- Of course.

You're not helping.

I know.

I feel just sick
about it.

Buffy: It was intense.

It was like I just let go
and became this force.

I just didn't care anymore.

Yeah, I know
what that's like.

I don't think you can!
It's kind of a slayer thing.

I don't even think
I'm explaining it well.

You're explaining it
a lot, though.

All right. You have one period
to fill out your test booklets.

Periodic charts
are located on the back.

You're on the honor system,
so remember, no talking.

You see, the thing was,

Faith knew I didn't even
want to go down there...

Mrs. Taggart: Ahem!

Ms. Summers?

You have one hour.

OK, so the best part...

Buffy. Test?
You know. Remember?

The thing you didn't
come over to study for?

Right.

Got it.

Sorry. OK, so we're down there,
in the sewers,

and Faith got 3 of them
on her at once...

Hey. Whoa.

Can we resume Buffy's
"Ode to Faith" later,

like when I'm not actively
multiple-choicing?

How come your eye twitches
every time I say Faith's name?

What?

No, it doesn't.

Faith.

Cut it out!

We got a test
to take, OK?

And I'm highly
caffeinated,

and I'm trying
to concentrate.

Some of us actually
care about school, you know.

[Knock Knock]

[Opening Window]

Hey, girlfriend.

Bad time?

No, sh-she can't!

Y-You can't! Can you?

What's up?

Vampires.

Uh, Faith, unless
there's a total eclipse

in the next 5 minutes,
it's daylight.

Good for us,
bad for them.

Found a nest.

Has potential.

Faith: Rise and shine,
people.

It's your wake-up call.

- Hey!
- Oof.

You're not leaving,
are you?

I saw you making friends.

Them?

Boys. I like you.

What's the matter?

You're not afraid of
little me, are ya?

We better sit down.
Come on.

I can sense this is
a business trip.

What's the what?

Balthazar.

Dead demon.

Not as dead as you think.

Word on the street puts him
in the packing warehouse on Devereau.

He's looking for...

His amulet. It's supposed
to restore his strength.

From what I'm hearing, that's not
something we'd like to see happen.

No problem.
We got the amulet.

I know. I spoke to Giles,
but he said you gave it...

Ah. There you are.

Ah. Speak of the really
annoying person.

You're certainly giving me
a run for my money.

I think we ought
to establish

that if you're going
to go out slaying,

you leave me a number
where I can contact you.

Where is the amulet?

Who are you?

A friend.
Do you have it?

It's somewhere safe.

How did you know?

It pooches your jacket.

Now, hang on a minute...

Walking around with this thing
is like wearing a target.

You're gonna put it somewhere safe
that's actually safe?

Yeah. I'll do it now.

I'll do some recon
on Balthazar.

If I may...

Balthazar is dead.

Am I the only one
that remembers that?

Be careful.

You know me.

I mean it.

What's going on?

Call me!

Let me tell you what I see.

I see fear...

and remorse...

and the pitiful
look of faces

that cry out for mercy.

But what I don't see

is what I want to see,

and that's my amulet!

Lord Balthazar,
we found it, we had it,

but the slayers...

Already I'm bored.

Vincent...

come here.

[Wheezing]

Closer.

Closer.

Let me tell you...
what I want to see.

Buffy: OK, we got 10,
maybe 12 bad guys

and one big demon in desperate need
of a Stairmaster.

I say we take 'em all,
hard and fast and now.

We need a little more
firepower than none.

We should head back
to the library.

Well, I guess Jacuzzi boy
isn't going anywhere.

I just... wish we had...

Ah.

That is too good.

Ah. Score.

Think they're insured?

Strangely,
not my priority.

When are ya gonna
get this, B?

Life for a slayer
is very simple... want...

take,

have.

Want...

take...

have.

I'm gettin' it.

Freeze!

Drop the weapons and get
down on the ground! Now!

I said drop the weapons,
or I fire.

Now spread 'em.

You wish.

Hands in the air where
I can see 'em... slow!

Good. Now cuff'em.

I like him.

He's butch.

That's some artillery
you two were puttin' together.

You with one of them
girl gangs?

Yeah. We're the Slayers.

You want to get out here?

We can't save
the world in jail.

Got it. Got it.

Ow!

We should call an ambulance.

5 people already have,
the racket we made, and they're fine.

Come on.
Let's get outta here.

Come on!

[Groaning]

Admit it.

Some days don't you
want to just wake up

and say to hell
with the diet?

Want to make waffles?

Big Saturday brunch?

No, thanks. I'm not
really that hungry.

[Sighs]

So what did you
and Faith do last night?

So what did you
and Faith do last night?

Nothing.

Uh... nothing
really important.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna meddle
in your slaying.

Just as long
as you're careful.

I am.

Sure about
those waffles?

Yeah.

But if you want them,
I can help you make them.

No. They only don't have calories
if I make them for you.

Mom logic.

You, uh,
done with the paper?

Yeah.

Let's see what's
happening in Sunnydale.

There we go.
Thanks a lot, fellas.

Thanks a heap.

Hey, have fun on
that camping trip, now.

Don't forget to roast
a wiener for me.

[Chuckling]

Here we go.

All right,
you can come out now.

Backbone of America,
those little guys.

Seeing the hope and courage
on their bright little faces,

I swear I could just...
I could just eat 'em up.

[Chuckles]

So, any news
about the Eliminati?

[Snarling]

In the name of
Lord Balthazar, die!

[Coughing]

Thank you, Mr. Trick.

That was very thoughtful
of you.

Why do they always
gotta be using swords?

It's called an Uzi, ya chump.

Could have saved your ass
right about now.

You know, it's curious
how he could have gotten

all the way
into my liquor cabinet.

Allan, don't we have
security working in this building?

Sir, I...

I had no idea. I... I...

There's no need
to swoon, Allan.

But try to keep things
secure.

Lock him up.

He wake up, he's just gonna
try and kill you again.

Yes. Yes, I expect he will.

Balthazar:
Vincent made a noble effort.

Man to man,
as befits a true warrior.

[Wheezing]

He had courage...

he had honor...

and I have jack
to show for it!

It has been a hundred years

since my enemy crippled me.

Now ultimate power
is within his grasp.

And I shall not let it be!

Forget about honor!

Forget about everything

but getting my amulet!

Bring the watchers to me!

Find the slayers
and kill them!

Kill everything
that gets in your way!

Go!

Go!

Buffy: Mmm.

Willow: You like it?

It smells good.
What is it?

Just a little something we witches
like to call a protection spell.

Good deal, protection.

I'm surprised, though,

'cause usually
spell stuff s more...

Stinky. Yeah. That's why
I added lavender.

Give me time,
and I may be the first wicca

to do all my conjuring
in pine fresh scent.

So what's the plan?

For tonight's slayage.
We're going, aren't we?

Yeah.

Great.

But... there's a but.

And that's but you
shouldn't come... tonight.

Is that cool?

Well, sure.

Makes sense.

You know... you'll be facing big,
hairy danger.

Uh, b-biggest
and very hairy.

You'll be
risking your life.

Right.

And why risk yours?

'Cause I'm your friend?

I know, Wil. That's exactly
why I don't want you going.

It's... It's too dangerous.

But I-I've done
this sort of thing before,

like, a million times,
and I can totally handle myself.

Besides,
minty fresh protection.

So?

[Knock On Door]

Ready? Time to motor.

Hey, Willow.

Hi.

Uh, I really should...

but we'll hang out
later, right?

Yeah. You go ahead.

I'll just get my stuff.

[Door Closes]

Stupid.

You're quiet tonight.

I just want
to get this done.

Yeah. I'm dying
to test out the longbow.

I think it might be
my new thing.

I can't believe you went back
for that stuff.

Hey, how do you feel
about getting some ribs?

You know,
after we're done.

I didn't say you had
emotional problems.

I said you had an emotional problem.
It's quite different.

My attachment to the slayer
is not a problem.

In point of fact...

The way you've handled
this assignment

is something of an embarrassment
to the Council.

If you want to criticize
my methods, fine.

But you can keep your
snide remarks to yourself.

And while you're at it,
don't criticize my methods.

The fact is, you're
no longer qualified to act as watcher.

It's not your fault.

You've done well.

It's simply time for somebody else
to take the field.

Now's a good time
to start.

[Snarls]

Screw it.

I think we've got
more comin'!

We're never gonna
make it to the warehouse.

If they keep coming one
at a time, we got a shot.

Faith, no!

Don't move.

I didn't... I didn't know.

I didn't know.

We need to call 911, now!

Don't move. It's OK.

I need something
to stop the...

We gotta go!

Come on, we gotta go!

All right, come on.

Angel.

Buffy, I've been
looking for you.

Your hand.

It's OK.

I've just been
at the warehouse.

I was waiting for you.

They got Giles.

[Grunting]

The front! The front!

Moisten the front!

Oooh!

Oh, God.

Oh, God!

It doesn't seem
too promising, does it?

Stay calm, Mr. Giles.
We have to stay calm.

Well, thank God you're here.
I was planning to panic.

What is that thing?

Aaahh.

That would be
your demon.

You know,
the dead one?

There's no need
to get snippy.

Bring them closer.

[Growling]

You know what I want.

If it's for me to scrub
those hard-to-reach areas,

I'd like to request
you kill me now.

[Snarls]

Ow.

Are you out of your mind?

This is hardly
the time for games!

Why not? They're going
to torture us to death anyway.

[Snickering]
You're not wrong about that.

Now, hold on. We can deal
with this rationally.

We have something you want.

You have something we want.

Hmm...

A trade. Intriguing.

No. Wait. Boring.

Pull off his kneecaps!

Nooo! No, no, no!

The slayer
gave it to someone.

A tall man, a friend...
a friend of hers.

I can tell you everything.

Quiet, you twerp!
They'll kill us both.

But I like to have
my kneecaps.

You will tell us everything!

Yes! Sir.

What is this friend's name?

I didn't actually catch it.

Look, um, tell you what,

let Captain Courageous
here go,

and I'll tell you what you need to know.
How's that deal?

There is one deal!

You will die quickly,
or you will die slowly!

The man who has my amulet!

What is his name?!

His name is Angel.

Un... [Sputtering]

Unacceptable!

Unacceptable!

Hyaaah!

- Oh, Mr. Giles!
- Down!

Slayer!

You think you've won.

[Chuckles]

When he rises...

you'll wish
I'd killed you all.

Potestatem matris nostrae
in tenebris invoco.

Maledictum filium tuum
ab omni periculo

custodias nunc
et in saecula.!

[Rumbling]

I don't understand
why Allan would miss this.

He's usually so punctual.

Did it work?

Let's find out.
Open the cage.

You sure?

Oh! Hold on.

OK. Now we're ready.

Well...

This officially commences
the hundred days.

Nothing can harm me
until the ascension.

Gosh,
I'm feeling chipper.

Who's for a root beer?!

[Knock On Door]

Buffy: Faith, it's me.

Hey.

Hey.

So, I, uh...

How are ya doin'?

I'm all right.
You know me.

Faith, we need to talk
about what we're gonna do.

There's nothing
to talk about.

I was doing my job.

Being a slayer's not the same
as being a killer.

Faith, please don't
shut me out here.

Look, sooner or later,
we're both gonna have to deal.

Wrong.

We can help each other.

I don't need it.

Yeah? Who's wrong now?

Faith, you can shut off
all the emotions that you want.

But eventually, they're
gonna find a body.

OK, this is the last time
we're gonna have this conversation,

and we're not even having it now,
you understand me?

There is no body.

I took it, weighted it,
and dumped it.

The body doesn't exist.

Getting rid
of the evidence

doesn't make
the problem go away.

It does for me.

Faith, you don't get it.

You killed a man.

No, you don't get it.

I don't care.