Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 2, Episode 6 - Halloween - full transcript

I know. Is the Bronze
so not happening, or what?

- Oh... Hi.
- Hi.

- I'm waitin' for Buffy.
- I'm supposed to be meeting Devon...

..but it's like being in a band
gives him an obligation to flake.

Well, his loss is your incredible gain.

I told Devon "You call that leather interior?
My Barbie Dream Car had nicer seats!"

Buffy?

Buffy!

- Hi. I'm...
- Late.

Rough day at the office.

So I see.



Hey. It's a look. A... seasonal look.

Buffy, I love the hair.
It just screams "street urchin".

Know what? I need to go...
put a bag over my head.

Don't listen to her. You look fine.

You're sweet. A terrible liar... but sweet.

- I thought we had...
- A date.

So did I. But who am I kidding?
Dates are things normal girls have.

Girls who have time to
think about nail polish and facials.

You know what I think about?
Ambush tactics. Beheading.

Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.

Cappuccino?

- Hey!
- You're volunteering.

But I have to get to class.

Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer
safety programme for Halloween.



- Note his take on the volunteer concept.
- What's the deal?

Kids need people
to take them trick-or-treatin'.

Sign up and get your own pack
of sugar-hyped little runts.

Yikes! I'll stick to vampires.

Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent
I've been looking for.

- Principal Snyder.
- Halloween must be a big night for you.

Tossing eggs, keying cars,
bobbing for apples.

One pathetic cry for help after another.

Well, not this year, missy.

Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but...

..I've developed carpal tunnel syndrome
and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.

The programme starts at four,
the children have to be back at six.

I can't believe this. We have to
get dressed up and the whole deal?

- Snyder said costumes were mandatory.
- Great. I was gonna stay in and veg.

The one night a year
things are supposed to be quiet.

Halloween quiet? I figured it would be
a big old vamp scare-a-palooza.

Not according to Giles. He swears tomorrow
night is dead for the undead. They stay in.

Those wacky vampires. That's why I love 'em.
They just keep you guessin'.

- Harris.
- Larry. You're lookin' Cro-Mag as usual.

- What can I do you for?
- You and Buffy. You're just friends, right?

I like to think of it more as
a solid foundation for future bliss.

- So she's not your girlfriend?
- Alas, no.

D'you think she'd go out with me?

Well, Larry, that's a tough question
to... No. Not a chance.

Why not? I heard some guy say she was fast.

- I hope you mean like the wind.
- You know what I mean.

- That's my friend you're talkin' about.
- Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna do what any man
would do about it.

Somethin' damn manly.

Get gone.

- Ooh! Diet.
- Do you know what you just did?

- Saved a dollar?
- Larry was about to pummel me.

- Oh, that? Forget about it.
- Oh, I'll forget about it.

In maybe 15, 20 years, when my rep
for being a sissy man finally fades.

A black eye heals, Buffy,
but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life.

Thanks. Thanks a lot for your help.

Ohhh! I think I just
violated the guy code, big time.

Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile.

- Speaking of, how was your date last night?
- Misfire.

I was late due to unscheduled slayage.
Showed up looking trashed.

- Was he mad?
- Actually, he was pretty unmad.

Which was probably to do with the fact
that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino.

Angel would never fall for her act.

That "showing up wearing a stunning outfit,
embracing personal hygiene" act?

You know what I mean. She's not his type.

Are you sure? I mean,
I don't know what his type is.

I've known him less than a year,
and he's not exactly one to overshare.

True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look
at the Watcher Diaries and read up on Angel.

I'm sure it's full of fun facts.

Yeah... It's too bad. That stuff is private.

Also, Giles keeps them in his office.
In his personal files.

Most importantly, it would be wrong.

- Buffy. Excellent.
- Nothing. Hi!

Yes, I just wanted to
talk to you about tomorrow night.

As it should be calm, I thought we might
work on some new battle techniques.

You're beginning to scare me, Giles.
You need to have some fun.

You know, there's this place you can go.

You sit in the dark, and there are these
moving pictures, and they tell a story.

Ha-ha. Very droll. I'll have you know
that I have very many relaxing hobbies.

Such as?

Well, um... I enjoy cross-referencing.

Do you stuff your own shirts,
or send them out?

So, how come Halloween
is such a big yawner?

Do the demons just hate
how commercial it's become?

It's interesting... Not, I suspect, to you.
What is it you're after?

Of course it's of interest.
I'm the Slayer. I need to know these things.

You can't keep me in the dark any longer.
Look at me when I talk to you!

- I don't have time for these games.
- Miss Calendar said you were a babe.

- She said what?
- She said that you were a...

..hunk of burning... something or other.

- So, what do you think of that?
- Um... I... I don't, um...

- A burning hunk of what?
- You know how disgusting it is for me...

..to even contemplate grown-ups having
smoochies, but I think you should go for it.

- Buffy, I appreciate your interest, but...
- But I've overstepped my bounds.

What was I thinking? My God!

Shame. Shame. I gotta go.

"Babe"?.

I can live with it.

- Man, look at her.
- Who is she?

It doesn't say, but the entry's dated 1775.

Angel was 18. And still human.

So that's the kind of girl he hung around?
She's pretty... coiffed.

She looks like a noblewoman or something.

Which means being beautiful
was sort of her job.

Then clearly this girl was a workaholic.

Willow, I'll never be like this.

Come on! She's not that pretty.

I mean, look at her.
She's got a funny... uh, waist.

- Look how tiny that is.
- Thank you. Now I feel better.

No. She's like a freak.

A circus freak. Yuck!

It must have been wonderful
to put on some fantabulous gown...

..and go to a ball like a princess...

..and have horses
and servants and yet more gowns.

Yeah... Still, I think I prefer
being able to vote. Or I will when I can.

So, Buffy, you ran off last night
and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome.

But I did everything I could to comfort him.

- I'll bet.
- So, what's the story, anyway?

- I mean, I never see him around.
- Not during the day, anyway.

Oh, please! Don't tell me
he still lives at home.

He has to wait for his dad
before he can take the car?

I think his parents have been dead
for a couple of hundred years.

Oh, good. I mean...

- What?
- Angel's a vampire. I... thought you knew.

Oh. He's a vampire,

Of course. But the cuddly kind.
Like a Care Bear with fangs?

- It's true.
- You know what I think?

You're trying to scare me off
cos you're afraid of the competition.

You may be hot stuff
when it comes to demonology...

..but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.

- What'd you get?
- A time-honoured classic.

- Can I give you a little friendly advice?
- It's not spooky enough?

It's just... You're never
gonna get noticed if you keep hiding.

- You're missing the point of Halloween.
- Free candy?

It's "come as you aren't" night.

The perfect chance to get sexy and wild
with no repercussions.

Oh, I don't get wild.
Wild on me equals "spaz".

Don't underestimate yourself.
You got it in you.

Hey, Xander. What'd you get?

That's not a costume.

I got fatigues from an army surplus at home.
Call me the $2 costume king, baby.

Hey, look, Xander.
I'm... really sorry about this morning.

Do you mind, Buffy? I'm tryin' to repress.

OK. Then I promise from now on
I'll let you get pummelled.

Thank you. OK. You know,
actually, I think I could have...

Hello. That was our touching
reconciliation moment there.

I'm sorry. It's just... Look at this.

- It's amazing.
- Too bulky. I prefer my women in spandex.

Please. Let me.

- Oh. It's...
- Magnificent. Yes, I know.

There.

My! Meet the hidden princess.

I think we've found a match, don't you?

Oh, uh... I'm sorry.
There's no way I could ever afford this.

Oh, nonsense. I feel quite moved
to make you a deal you can't refuse.

Here it comes.

Rewind that. Let's see that again.

She's tricky.

Baby likes to play.

You see that, where she stakes him with
that thing? That's what you call resourceful.

Rewind it again.

Miss Edith needs her tea.

Come here, poodle.

Do you love my insides?
The parts you can't see?

Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

That's why I've got to study this slayer.
Once I know her, I can kill her.

And once I kill her, you can have
your run of Sunnyhell and get strong again.

Don't worry. Everything's switching.

Outside to inside.

It makes her weak.

Really? Did my pet have a vision?

Do you know what I miss?

- Leeches.
- Come on. Talk to Daddy.

This thing... that makes the Slayer weak.

- When is it?
- Tomorrow.

Halloween? Nothing happens on Halloween.

Someone's come to change it all.

Someone new.

The world that denies thee, thou inhabit.

The peace that ignores thee, thou corrupt.

Chaos, I remain, as ever...

..thy faithful, degenerate son!

- Where are you meeting Angel?
- Here, after trick-or-treating. Mom is out.

- Does he know about your costume?
- Nope.

Call it a blast from his past.

I'll show him I can coiffe
with the best of 'em.

OK, Willow. Come out.
You can't hide in there all night.

- OK. But promise you won't laugh?
- I promise.

Wow. You're a dish. I mean, really.

- But... this just isn't me.
- And that's the point.

Look, Halloween is the night that
not you is you, but not you, You know?

Oh! That's Xander.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah... OK.

Cool. I can't wait for the boys
to go non-verbal when they see you.

Private Harris reporting for...

Buffy! Lady of Buffdom,
Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe.

I completely renounce spandex.

Thank you, kind sir.

But wait till you see...

- Hi.
- ..Casper.

Hey, Will! That's... a fine "Boo!" you got there.

Go ahead. We'll meet you inside.

This is your group, Summers.

No need to speak to them.
The last thing they need is your influence.

Just bring them back in one piece
and I won't expel you.

Hi.

Where's your bodyguard, Harris?
Curling her hair?

Oz! Oz.

Hey, Cordelia.

- Jeez, you're like a big cat.
- That's my costume.

- Are you playing tonight?
- Yeah. The Shelter Club.

Is Mr "I'm so great I don't have to show up
for my date or even call" gonna be there?

- Yeah. He's just goin' by "Devon" now.
- Well, tell him that I don't care...

..and that I didn't even mention it, and that...
I didn't even see you, so that's just fine.

- So what do I tell him?
- Nothing. Jeez! Get with the programme.

Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?

- Oh! I'm sorry.
- Sorry.

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

OK. On sleazing extra candy.

Tears are key. Tears will normally
get you the double-bagger.

You can try the old "You missed me"
routine, but it's risky.

Only go there for chocolate. Understood?

OK, troops.

Let's move out.

What did Mrs Davis give you?

She must be stopped.

Let's hit one more house. We still have
a few minutes before I need to get you back.

Janus, evoco vester animum,

Exaudi meam causam,

Carpe noctem pro consilium vestrem,

Vene, appare, et nobis monstra
quod est infinita potestas,

Come on, guys.

Trick or treat.

Oh, my goodness! Aren't you adorable!

Persona intra corpem et sanguem
commutandum est,

Vestra sancta praesentia
concrescit visceram!

Janus! Sume noctem!

Oh, dear! Am I all out?

Showtime!

I could have sworn I had more candy.

I'm sorry, Mr Monster. Maybe I...

No! Let her go! Stop!

What are you doing?

Stop! Hey!

Oh, my God!

I can't breathe.

Oh, my God!

I'm a real ghost!

Xander?

Xander! It's me - Willow.

- I don't know any Willow.
- Xander, this is no time for jokes.

- What the hell's goin' on here?
- You don't know me?

- Lady, I suggest you find cover.
- No, wait!

- What are you?
- Xander, listen to me.

I'm on your side, I swear.
Something crazy is happening.

I was dressed as a ghost for Halloween,
and now I am a ghost.

And you were supposed to be a soldier...

- ..and now I guess you're a real soldier.
- You expect me to believe that?

No! No guns! That's still a little kid!

- Step out of the way!
- No guns! That's an order.

We just need to find... Buffy!

Buffy! Are you OK?

- This could be a situation.
- Buffy, what do we do?

Buffy, are you all right?

- What?
- Are you hurt?

- Buffy, are you hurt?
- Buffy?

- She's not Buffy.
- Who's Buffy?

Oh, this is fun.

What year is this?

1775, I believe.

I-I don't understand. Who are you?

- We're friends.
- Friends of whom?

Y-Your dress... Everything is strange.
How did I come to be here?

Breathe, OK? Breathe.
You're gonna faint again.

How do we get through this
without the Slayer?

What's a Slayer?

- Get inside before we come across...
- A demon! A demon! A demon!

- It's not a demon. It's a car.
- What does it want?

- Is this woman insane?
- She's never seen a car.

- She's never seen a car?
- She's from the past.

- And you're a ghost?
- Yes. Now let's get inside.

I just want you to know
that I'm takin' a lot on faith here.

- Where do we go?
- Where's the closest...

We can go to a friend's.

- All clear.
- Hello?

Mrs Summers?

Good. She's gone.

- Where are we?
- Your place. Now we just need to...

Don't open it!

- It could be a civilian.
- Or a mini-demon!

This... This could be me.

It is you. Buffy, can't you remember at all?

No! I... I don't understand any of this.

This is some other girl. I would
never wear that low apparel, and...

..I don't like this place, I don't like you,
and I just want to go home!

You are home.

She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?

- Not a civilian!
- Affirmative!

Hey! What did we say?

- Big noise scare monster, remember?
- Got it.

Dammit!

Surely he'll not desert us?

Whatever.

No!

Somebody help me!

- Xander! Help me!
- Come inside.

- Cordelia!
- Willow, what's going on?

Your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat,
and we're your friends. Well, sort of.

That's nice, Willow.
And you went mental when?

- You know us?
- Yeah. Lucky me.

- What's with the name game?
- A lot's going on.

No kidding! I was attacked
by Jo-Jo the Dog-faced Boy.

Look at my costume! Do you think
they'll give me my deposit back?

- Not on the likely.
- Here.

- Thanks.
- OK. You guys stay here while I get help.

If something tries to get in, just fight it off.

It's not our place to fight.
Surely some men will protect us?

- What's that riff?
- It's like amnesia, OK?

They don't know who they are.
Just... sit tight.

Who died and made her the boss?

Well...

This is just... neat.

You! Check upstairs.
Make sure everything's locked up.

Surely there's somewhere we can go?
A safe haven?

The lady said to stay put.

You would take orders from a woman?
Are you feeble in some way?

Ma'am, in the army we have a saying:
"Sit down and shut the..."

She must be right.
We must have some kind of amnesia.

I don't know what that is, but I'm sure
I don't have it. I bathe quite often.

How do you explain this?

I don't! I was brought up a proper lady.
I wasn't meant to understand things.

I'm just meant to look pretty.
Then someone nice will marry me.

- Possibly a baron.
- This ain't no tea party, princess.

- Sooner or later, you're gonna have to fight.
- Fight these low creatures? I'd sooner die.

- Then you'll die.
- Oh, good. You guys are all right.

- It's total chaos out there.
- Who are you?

Hi.

- OK. Somebody wanna fill me in?
- Do you live here?

No. You know that. Buffy...

I'm lost here. You... What's up with your hair?

They don't know who they are. Everyone's
turned into a monster. How are you?

Do you mind?

You take the princess and secure the kitchen.
Catwoman, you're with me.

I don't want to go with you. I like the man
with the musket. Do you have a musket?

I didn't leave that open.

- Stake!
- A what?

Get me a stake!

Hurry up!

Buffy, no!

I don't even know what I'm looking for.
Plus I can't turn the page.

All right, let's... let's review.

So everybody became whatever
they were masquerading as.

Right. Xander was a soldier,
and Buffy was an 18th-century girl.

- And your... your costume?
- I'm a ghost.

Yes. But, um...

The ghost of what, exactly?

Well, this is nothing.
You should see what Cordelia was wearing.

A unitard with cat things, like ears and stuff.

Good heavens.
Sh-she became an actual feline?

No. She was the same old Cordelia.

Just in a cat costume.

She didn't change?

No. Hold on.

Party Town. She told us
she got her outfit from Party Town.

And everybody who changed,
they acquired their costumes where?

We all got ours at a new place. Ethan's.

- Sure she came this way?
- She'll be OK.

Buffy would be OK. Whoever she is now,
she's helpless. Come on!

Do you hear that, my friends?

Somewhere out here is
the tenderest meat you've ever tasted.

And all we have to do is find her first.

Pretty, pretty!

Hello?

Anyone home?

Giles?

Janus. A Roman mythical god.

What does this mean?

Primarily, the division of self.

Male and female... light and dark.

Chunky and creamy. Oh, no.
Sorry. That's peanut butter.

- Willow, get out of here now.
- But...

Now!

Hello, Ethan.

Hello, Ripper.

Buffy, are you OK?

What's your deal? Take a pill!

He's... He's a vampire.

She's got this thing where
she thinks... Oh, forget it.

It's OK. Angel is a good vampire.
He would never hurt you.

- Really?
- Absolutely. He's our friend.

It's strange, but... beating up that pirate
gave me a weird sense of closure.

- Willow!
- Guys, you gotta get inside.

- We need a triage.
- This way. Find an open warehouse.

Ladies, we're on the move.

What, no hug?

Aren't you pleased
to see your old mate, Rupert?

I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you.

This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne.

Yes, it does, doesn't it?

Don't wish to blow my own trumpet,
but it's genius.

The very embodiment of
"Be careful what you wish for."

It's sick, brutal, and it harms the innocent.

And we all know you are
the champion of innocence...

..and all things pure and good, Rupert.

It's quite a little act you've got here.

It's no act. It's who I am.

Who you are? The Watcher?

Snivelling, tweed-clad guardian
of the Slayer and her kin? I think not.

I know who you are, Rupert,
and I know what you're capable of.

But they don't, do they?

They have no idea where you come from.

Break the spell, Ethan.
Then leave this place and never come back.

Why should I? What's in the bargain for me?

- You get to live.
- Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me.

Over here.

Check if there any other ways in!

Just stay here.

Oh, faboo. More clinging.

Go!

- And you said the Ripper was long gone.
- Tell me how to stop the spell.

Say "pretty please".

Look at you. You're shaking.

Terrified. Alone.

Lost little lamb.

- I love it.
- Buffy!

Tell me how to stop the spell.

Janus... Break its statue.

Now that guy you can shoot.

- What the...
- I'm scared. I want my mommy!

Hi, honey. I'm home.

You know what? It's good to be me.

- Hey, Buff. Welcome back.
- Yeah...

- You too.
- You guys remember what happened?

It was way creepy. It was like
I was there, but I couldn't get out.

I know the feeling.
This outfit's skintight.

You OK?

Yeah.

Hello.It felt like I was talking.
My lips were moving, and...

Give it up, Cordy. You're never gonna
get between those two. Believe me, I know.

Well, I guess you'd better
get them back to their parents.

Yeah. Everybody seems to...

Where's Willow?

# You got the best of me

# It didn't take so long

# The things you put me through...

Who is that girl?

# Ta-dah! Just little old 20th-century me.

Are you sure you're OK?

I'll live.

I don't get it, Buffy. Why'd you think
I'd like you better dressed that way?

I just... I wanted to be a real girl for once.

The kind of fancy girl
you liked when you were my age.

- What?
- I hated the girls back then.

Especially the noblewomen.

- You did?
- They were just incredibly dull.

Simpering morons, the lot of them.

I always wished
I could meet someone... exciting.

- Interesting.
- Really?

- Interesting... how?
- You know how.

Still, I had a really hard day,
and you should probably tell me.

You're right. I should.

Definitely.