Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 2, Episode 15 - Phases - full transcript

In every generation, there is a Chosen One,

She alone will stand against the vampires,
the demons and the forces of darkness,

She is the Slayer.

- Hi.
- Oh, that's what I was gonna say.

- What you lookin' at?
- This cheerleading trophy.

It's like its eyes follow you wherever you go.

- I like it.
- So, did you like the movie last night?

I don't know. Today's movies are
kinda like popcorn, you know?

You forget about 'em as soon as they're done.

- I do remember I liked the popcorn, though.
- Yeah, it was good.

And I had a really fun time with the rest.
I mean, the part with you.



Well, that's great.
My time was also... of the good.

Mine too.

Well, then...

Oh, there! I have...

..my friend, so I will go to her.

I'll see you, then... later.

Ohh...

Man! Oz!

I would love to get me some
of that Buffy and Willow action!

That's great, Larry.
You've really mastered the single entendre.

- Hey!
- Oops.

Oh, thank you, Thighmaster!

So, Oz, man, what's up with that?
Dating a junior?

Oh, let me guess. That little, innocent
schoolgirl thing is just an act, right?



Yeah. She's actually an evil mastermind.
It's fun.

I mean, she's gotta be puttin' out, or what's
the point? What are you gonna do? Talk?

Come on, fess up. How far have you got?

Nowhere. I mean, he said he was gonna
wait until I was ready, but I'm ready!

Honest, I'm good to go here.

It's nice if he's not just being an animal.

Maybe it's nice. He's great!

We have a lot of fun, but I want smoochies!

- Have you dropped any hints?
- I've dropped anvils.

Oh, he'll come around. What guy
could resist your wily Willow charms?

At last count, all of 'em, maybe more.

None of them know a thing.
They all get an F in Willow.

But I want Oz to get an A.
And oh, one of those gold stars.

- He will.
- Well, he'd better hurry.

I don't wanna be the only girl
in school without a real boyfriend.

Oh, I'm such an idiot! I'm sorry.

I shouldn't even be talking about...

- Do you want me to go away?
- I wish you wouldn't.

- How are you holding up, anyway?
- I'm holding.

I had two minutes there
without thinking of Angel.

There you go!

I'd do a lot better if we could do
that sharing our misery thing tonight.

Great. I'll give Xander a call.

What's his number?
Oh, yeah. 1-800-I'm-dating-a-skanky-ho.

- Meow!
- Really?

Thanks. I've never gotten a "meow" before.

- Well deserved.
- Darn tootin'!

I'm just saying, Xander and Cordelia...
What does he see in her, anyway?

What could she possibly see in him?

Excuse me?! We didn't come here
to talk about Willow.

We came to do things I can't tell my father
about, because he thinks I'm a good girl.

I just don't trust Oz with her.
I mean, he's a senior.

He's attractive. OK, maybe not to me, but...

And he's in a band.
We know what kind that attracts.

- I've dated lots of guys in bands.
- Thank you.

- Do you even wanna be here?
- I'm not running away.

When you're not babbling
about poor Willow...

- ..you rave about the all-powerful Buffy.
- I do not babble. I occasionally run on.

- Every now and then I yammer.
- Xander, look around.

We're in my daddy's car.
It's just the two of us.

There is a beautiful,
big full moon outside tonight.

It doesn't get more romantic than this...
so shut up!

- Did you hear that?
- What is it now?

- I thought I heard something.
- Is Willow sending a distress signal...

..that only you can hear?

OK, now I know I heard something.

That's it! Your mind hasn't been here
all night. How about I just drop you off...

Get outta here!

- I can't find the key!
- We should be movin'! Let's go!

Told ya I heard somethin'.

- You're sure it was a werewolf?
- Well, let's see...

Um, six feet tall, claws, a big old snout
in the middle of his face, like a wolf.

- Yeah, I'm stickin' with my first guess.
- Seems wise.

There was that thing where it tried to bite us.

- It was so awful!
- I know.

Daddy just had this car detailed!

- So, what's the word?
- There were other attacks...

..by a "wild dog" around town. Several
animal carcasses were found mutilated.

You mean like bunnies and stuff?
No, don't tell me.

Don't worry. They might not look it,
but bunnies can take care of themselves.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yes. Er, fortunately no people were injured.

- That falls into "That's a Switch" column.
- For now, but it will be back next full moon.

- What about tonight's full moon?
- Pardon?

Last night was the night before the full moon,
known as...

..the night before the full moon.

So, the legend that werewolves only prowl
during a full moon might be erroneous?

- Or it could be a crock.
- Unless it was using last year's almanac.

- Giles has some schoolin' to do.
- Yes, I must admit, I'm intrigued.

Werewolves. It's one of the classics.

I'm sure my books and I are
in for a fascinating afternoon.

He needs to get a pet.

Sunnydale is becoming
more dangerous all the time.

A full moon like tonight
tends to bring out the crazies.

But with some simple basics
of self-defence...

..each of you can learn
how to protect yourself.

Here's a suggestion:
move away from the Hellmouth.

Tag.

Would you look at that! He's all over her!
Psst! Hey, buddy, this is a public forum here!

I think you've splashed on just
a little too much Obsession for Dorks.

OK, everyone get into your assigned groups.

- What happened?
- Oh, last week...

..some huge dog jumped
out of the bushes and bit me.

39 stitches. They oughta shoot those strays.

I've been there, man. My cousin Jordy
just got his grown-up teeth in.

Does not like to be tickled.

Theresa! Be still, my shorts.

We're in the same group.
I may have to attack you.

No, actually,
I think in our group there are a few of us.

And I'm one of the few.

Don't forget, you're supposed to be
a meek little girlie girl, like the rest of us.

Spoil my fun!

OK, everyone listen up. I wanna show you
what to do if you are attacked from behind.

In this situation, bend forward...

..using your back and shoulders
to flip the assailant over to the ground.

Nuh!

- Nuh!
- Oh, Summers, you are turnin' me on!

And that works, too.

And while there is no scientific explanation
for the lunar effect on the human psyche...

..the phases of the moon seem to exert
a great deal of psychological influence.

The full moon seems to
bring out our darkest qualities.

And yet, ironically,
it led to the invention of the MoonPie.

Yes, MoonPie!

You see, the werewolf is such a potent...

..extreme representation
of our inborn animalistic traits...

..it emerges for three consecutive nights, the
full moon and the two nights surrounding it.

- Quite the party animal.
- Quite, and it acts on pure instinct.

No conscience. Predatory and aggressive.

- In other words, your typical male.
- On behalf of my gender - hey!

- Let's not jump to conclusions.
- I didn't jump.

I took a step and there conclusions were.

The point is that our wolfman could also be a
wolfwoman, or anyone bitten by a werewolf.

- So, I'm guessing silver bullets are in order?
- No, no bullets.

No matter who this werewolf is,
it's a human being...

..who may be completely
unaware of his or her condition.

So, tonight we bring him back alive.

- Anything yet?
- Yes, and you won't believe what I saw!

Brittany Podelle was making out with Owen
Stadeal, but he goes with Bara Williams. If...

No, no sign of the werewolf. How about you?

The same.

I thought we might knock on a few windows,
ask if anyone's seen the thing yet.

Giles, no one's seen anything.

Oh. Yes. No.

Of course not, no.

Yes.

Gotcha!

- What the hell...?
- Giles! Giles!

Hey!

Whoa!

- Hands are good right there.
- Who are you? What are you doing?

The name's Kane. I'm the one with the gun,
which means I get to do the interviewing.

Hey, before we get all chummy here,
how about we do something about this net?

- Are you all right?
- Yeah.

- I gotta say, I'm impressed.
- Excuse me?

- It's good to get the fruit while it's fresh.
- You'd be wise to take that back.

What a man and a girl do
in Lovers' Lane at night is...

OK, enough, Repulsive Brain!
It's not what you think.

We're... hunting werewolves.

OK, it's funny if you don't
believe in werewolves.

No, it's funny thinking about
you two catching one.

This guy looks like he's auditioning to be
a librarian and you... Well, you're a girl.

I assure you, she's quite capable.

Let me ask you somethin', sweetheart. How
many of these animals have you taken out?

As of today?

I tore a tooth from the mouth
of every werewolf that I killed.

This next one'll bring
the total to an even dozen.

- So, you're just gonna kill it?
- Well, that's the thing.

Their pelts fetch a pretty penny
in Sri Lanka and it's hard to skin 'em alive.

- You hunt werewolves for sport?
- No, no. I'm in it purely for the money.

It doesn't bother you that a werewolf is
a person 28 days out of the month?

That's why I only hunt 'em the other three.

I'd really love to stay and chat,
but I'm on a tight schedule.

Any idea where else the boys
and girls get together around here?

- You're looking for a party?
- No, but the werewolf is.

They're suckers for that whole
sexual heat thing. Sense it miles away.

If this little doggy ain't here,
I guess he found another place.

Sorry. Wish I could help you.

But you don't know squat?
Gee, what a surprise!

- Where are we going?
- I think I know where to look.

We just have to make it there
before "Mein Furrier".

- Everything OK?
- Yeah, I just, uh...

I thought I heard something... behind me.

No one there.

I guess I was wrong. I coulda sworn...

It's OK. It can get pretty scary out here,
all alone at night.

Yeah.

Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?

Don't you go to school with Buffy?

- Oh, you know Buffy?
- Yes, I do, very well.

Come on. I'll get you home.

With Xander, it's always
"Buffy did this, Willow said that."

"Buffy, Buffy, Willow, Willow."
It's like I don't even exist!

- I sometimes feel like that.
- When I call him on it, he acts confused.

- Like I have a problem.
- His "Do I smell something?" look.

All a part of his little guy games.
It's like he's there, then he's not there.

- He wants it, but then he doesn't want it.
- He's busy looking at what he doesn't have...

- ..and doesn't realise what he does have.
- He should at least realise that you have Oz.

Hm, I'm not sure I do.
Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern.

Except without the holding...
or anything else.

What's he waiting for? What's his problem?
Oh, that's right. He's a guy.

- Yeah, him and Xander, guys,
- Who do they think they are?

Couple of guys,

- Looks as though your hunch was right.
- Who could resist our house of hormones?

- The werewolf, it's in there!
- Comin' through!

- You let it get away.
- I didn't let it do anything.

- I had the chain around its neck.
- Chain?!

- Were you gonna take it for a walk?
- I was going to lock it up.

That's beautiful. This is what happens
when a woman tries to do a man's job.

Now you look here, Mr Kane. This girl
risked her life, trying to capture a beast...

..that you haven't been able to find.

Daddy's doin' a great job
carryin' her bag of Milk-Bones.

You know, sis, if that thing harms anyone,
it's going to be on your pretty little head.

- I hope you can live with that.
- I live with that every day.

First they tell me I can't
hunt an elephant for its ivory.

Now I've gotta deal with People for
the Ethical Treatment of Werewolves!

Pillock! Right, let's move out.

Giles? Giles!

I didn't see you there.

- I thought something had happened.
- Oh, no, I'm...

I'm OK. I'm just, erm, fine.

Er, just... I'm, er, OK.

Er, any sign of the werewolf?

No. I guess you didn't see anything, from
the vantage point of having your eyes closed.

- It's going to be light soon, so we...
- Wait!

Police say that the incident was
connected to the animal mutilation...

..which occurred two nights ago,
the coroner's office identified the body...

..as that of Sunnydale High School
student Theresa Klussmeyer, age 17,

Buffy, we're gonna get this thing.
We have another whole night.

There's nothing more we can do now.
It's nearly sunrise.

That werewolf won't be
a werewolf much longer.

Aunt Maureen? Hey, it's me.

Uh, what? Oh, it's... Actually, it's healin' OK.

That's pretty much the reason I called.
Um, I wanna ask you somethin'.

Is Jordy a werewolf?

And how long has that been goin' on?

What? No, no reason. Um...

Thanks. Yeah, love to Uncle Ken.

I can't believe I let it go! Kane was right.
I shoulda killed it when I had the chance.

- Killed what?
- Er, the werewolf.

It was out last night.

Is everybody OK?
Did anybody get bitten or scratched?

No, we're fine.

- Gladness.
- Yeah, but it got someone. Theresa.

Got, as in...?

Oh, I'm sorry.

And I coulda stopped it.

Well, we have one more night.

- Another night?
- Oh, yeah.

Believe me, I'm gonna give
that wolfie somethin' to howl about.

But while we're doing nothing, there's a
human werewolf out there, making fun of us.

The way werewolves always do.

- But there's really no way to tell who it is.
- Oh, sure there is.

Giles knows stuff and
I'm practically an expert.

On account of once you were a hyena?

I know what it's like to crave
the taste of freshly-killed meat.

To be taken over by
those uncontrollable urges.

You said you didn't remember
anything about that.

I said I didn't remember anything about that.

Look, the point is that I have an affinity
with this thing. I can get inside of its head.

I'm a big bad wolf. I'm on the prowl.

I'm sniffin', I'm snarlin',
I'm a slobbering predator, I'm...

Wait a second! It's right in front of us!

It's obvious who I am.

I'm Larry! The guy's practically got
"Wolf Boy" stamped on his forehead.

You got the dog bite, you got the aggression,
not to mention excessive back hair.

And he was gleeful
about tormenting Theresa.

- Still, that doesn't necessarily mean...
- I'm gonna talk to him.

- Gonna force a confession outta him.
- Good. Go.

In the meantime,
we need to cover our bases. Willow...

..check the student files.
See if anybody else fits the profile.

- Buffy...
- Where are we going?

If none of that works,
I think I may have an alternative.

Yeah, me and the werewolf alone in
a cage for three minutes. That's all I ask.

- Are you OK?
- What?

- You kind of knew Theresa.
- Oh, yeah, I, uh...

I'm tryin' not to think about it. It's...

- It's a lot.
- It is.

But we can do stuff to help.
Sometimes it feels good to help.

Well, like looking up stuff.

I'm gonna be doing that most of the night.
You could... help me. Help together?

I can't. Um, uh... I'm busy.

Oh. So...

I... I gotta go.

Harris, jeesh! Next time, wear a bell.

Why so jumpy, Larry?

- Geeks make me nervous.
- Is that really it...

..or is there something you're hiding?

I could hide my fist in your face.

I know your secret, big guy.
I know what you been doin' at night.

You know, Harris, that nosey little nose of
yours is gonna get you into trouble someday.

- Like today.
- Hurting me isn't gonna make this go away.

People are still gonna find out.

All right, what do you want?
Hush money? Is that what you're after?

- I don't want anything. I just wanna help.
- What, you think you have a cure?

No, it's just... I know what you're
goin' through, because I've been there.

- That's why I know you should talk about it.
- That's easy for you to say.

I mean, you're nobody.
I've got a reputation here.

- Larry, please, before someone else is hurt!
- Look, if this gets out, it's over for me.

I mean, forget about playin' football.
They'll run me out of this town.

I mean, come on! How are people gonna
look at me after they find out I'm gay?

Wow. I said it.

And it felt... OK.

I'm gay.

I... am gay!

- I heard you the first time.
- I can't believe it. It was almost easy.

I've never felt I could tell anyone.

And then you, you of all people,
you bring it out of me!

It probably woulda slipped out,
even if I wasn't here.

No, because knowing you went through the
same thing made it easier for me to admit.

- The same thing...
- It's ironic.

All those times I beat the crap outta you...

It must have been because
I recognised something in you...

..that I didn't wanna believe about myself.

- Larry, no. I am not...
- Of course. Of course not.

Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you.

Your secret's safe with me.

Oh, wow.

So, what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody
besides Larry fit our werewolf profile?

There is one name that keeps getting spit out.

Aggressive behaviour,
run-ins with authorities...

- About a screenful of violent incidents.
- OK, most of those were not my fault.

They started 'em. I stood up for myself!

It's good to count to ten when you're angry.

One. Two.

- Three.
- I'll keep looking!

I, um... noticed you were lookin' solo.

Yeah. Oz wanted to be someplace that was...

..away... from me.

- I'm sorry.
- I can't figure him out.

I mean, he's so hot and cold.
Or lukewarm and cold.

Welcome to the mystery that is men.
It goes something like...

They grow body hair and lose
all ability to tell you what they want.

That doesn't seem like a fair trade.

Well, if you want to up the speed quotient
with Oz, you need to do something daring.

Maybe you need to make the first move.

- That won't make me a slut?
- I think your reputation will remain intact.

It used to be easy to tell if a boy liked you.

He'd punch you on the arm
and then run back to his friends.

- Those were the days.
- Hey.

I'll see you guys later. Cordelia asked me to
look at her history homework before class.

I think that means I might have to do it.

Wow, those two gals are hanging out a lot
together. This'd be a good time to panic.

- So, how'd it go with Larry?
- What's that supposed to mean?

- "How'd it go with Larry?"
- He's not the werewolf.

Can't we just leave it at that?
Must you continue to push and push?

- Sorry, I was just wondering.
- He's not.

- OK.
- OK.

But there goes our lead suspect,
which then puts us back at square boned.

You're not boned, you're Buffy.

Eradicator of evil,
defender of things that need defending.

Tell that to Theresa. She could have used my
defending before she was ripped apart by a...

Werewolf.

Nowhere in any of the reports did it
say anything about her being mauled.

They were linked to the animal attacks,
so we assumed werewolf.

What else should we assume?

Vampire.

So, that's good, right? In the sense
of the werewolf didn't get her and...

No, there is no good here.

No good. Instead of not protecting
Theresa from the werewolf...

..I was able to not protect her
from something just as bad.

She had a lot of friends.

Buffy, you can't blame yourself
for every death in Sunnydale.

If it weren't for you,
people'd be lined up to get buried.

Willow would be Robbie the Robot's
love slave, I wouldn't have a head and...

..Theresa's a vampire.

Angel sends his love.

Angel...

Are you OK?

This isn't happening.

- He's gonna keep coming after me.
- Don't let him get to you.

He's not the same guy you knew.

Oh, no, my life's not too complicated.

- Willow, what are you doing here?
- I had this whole thing worked out.

I wrote it down, but it didn't make
any sense when I read it back.

- Willow, this is not a very good time.
- What am I supposed to think?

First you buy me popcorn,
and then you're all glad that I didn't get bit.

And you put the tag back in my shirt.
But I guess none of that means anything...

..because instead of looking up names with
me, you're alone, doing nothing, by yourself.

- Willow, we'll talk about this tomorrow.
- No, dammit! We'll talk about this now!

Buffy said that what a girl makes
has to be the first move...

..and now I'm starting to think
the written version sounded good.

- But you know what I mean.
- I know, I know. It's me.

I'm going through some... changes.

Well, welcome to the world!

Things happen.
Don't you think I'm going through a lot?

- Not like me.
- Oh, what? So now you're special?

You're Special Boy.

With... chains and stuff?

Why do you have chains and stuff?

Willow, please!

Get outta here!

Oz?

Oz, what is it?

What's wrong?

There you are!

Sorry I'm late. I had to do some
unscheduled slayage in the form of Theresa.

- She's a vampire?
- Was. Angel sent her as a token of affection.

- Buffy, I'm so sorry.
- Not now, Giles.

We can all have ourselves a good cry
after we bag us a werewolf.

- All set. Let's go find this thing.
- One question... How do we find this thing?

It's Oz! It's Oz!

- What's Oz?
- The werewolf.

- Are you certain?
- Just trust me on this.

He said he was going through all these
changes, then he went through... changes.

- Where is he?
- In the woods.

- Let's go.
- Go where? You're not gonna kill Oz!

- He's a werewolf, but he doesn't mean to be.
- We're not gonna hurt him.

We've put enough phenobarbital in this
to sink a small elephant, or a large werewolf.

That's it. Let me see you.

Come on, suppertime!

Good doggy!

Now play dead.

Careful!

Dammit!

I shot Oz!

You saved us.

No wonder this town's
overrun with monsters.

- No one here's man enough to kill 'em!
- I wouldn't be too sure of that.

How about you let the door hit you
in the ass on the way outta town?

Is he gonna be OK?

He'll be a little sore in the morning,
but... he'll be Oz.

This is all so weird. How are we
supposed to act when we see him?

It's gotta be weird for him too,
now that we know so much.

I know we'll never
look at him the same again.

- He's still a human being... most of the time.
- Who are we talking about?

- Oz. Who are you talking about?
- No one.

Here, let me get those.

Hey, Xander, look, about what you did...

- I owe you.
- What did you do?

It's really nothing
we should be talking about. Ever.

I know, I know. It's just, well...

Thanks.

- That was weird.
- It's not OK for one guy to like another guy...

..just because he was in the locker room
with him and nothing happened? Don't push!

- I meant he didn't try to look up my skirt.
- Oh, yeah, that's... the weirdness.

Weirdness abounds lately.
Maybe it's the moon.

- It does stuff to people.
- I've heard that.

It'll put a strain on
Willow and Oz's relationship.

What relationship?
What life could they possibly have together?

Obedience school, paper-training...

Oz is always in the back, burying things.
That breed can turn on its owner.

- I don't know. I see Oz as the loyal type.
- She's not safe with him. If it were up to me...

Xander... it's not up to you.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Did you wanna go first?

I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be OK. I have
to lock myself up around the full moon.

Only he used more words
than that. And a globe.

I'm sorry about how all this ended up,
with me shooting you an' all.

It's OK. I'm sorry I almost ate you.

It's OK.

- I kinda thought you would have told me.
- I didn't know what to say.

It's not every day you find out you're
a werewolf. That's fairly freaksome.

- It may take a couple of days getting used to.
- Yeah, it's a complication.

So...

Maybe it'd be best if I just... sorta...

What?

Well, you know, like...
stayed out of your way for a while.

I don't know.

I'm kind of OK with you being in my way.

You mean, you'd still...?

Well, I like you.

You're nice and you're funny.

And you don't smoke.

Yeah, OK, werewolf,
but that's not all the time.

I mean, three days out of the month,
I'm not much fun to be around, either.

You are quite the human.

So... I'd still if you'd still.

I'd still. I'd very still.

OK.

- No biting, though.
- Agreed.

A werewolf in love!