Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1996–2003): Season 2, Episode 13 - Surprise - full transcript

To give Buffy a surprise on her 17th birthday, Drusilla and Spike bring together the body parts of a dismembered demon who cannot be killed.

# Lyin' down, givin' in to you...

Le hippo a piqu? ton pantalon,

# I'm a hurricane

# I can't describe this feelin'...

- Do you really think you're ready, Buffy?
- What?

# Now that I've found this love

# I'm a fire

# Burnin' like a house aflame

# I am motionless

# I cannot move

# I only see you fly



# Now that I've found...

Angel!

Happy birthday, Buffy.

Hold on.

Hey. Is everything OK?

That's what I was gonna ask you,
You're OK, right?

Sure... I'm fine.

What's up?

I had this dream that Drusilla was alive.

What happened?

- She killed you. Right in front of me.
- It was just a dream. It wasn't real.

- But it felt so real.
- It wasn't.

I'm right here.

Angel, this happened before. The dreams
I had about the Master. They came true.



Still, not every dream you have comes true.

I mean, what else did you dream last night?
Can you remember?

I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened
an office-supply warehouse in Vegas.

You see my point?

Yeah, I do, but... what if Drusilla is alive?

- We never saw her body.
- She's not.

But even if she was, we'd deal.

But what if she's...

What if what?

I'm sorry. Were we talking?

I'm sorry. I um... I have to go to school.

I know.

God, you feel...

You have to go to school.

All right. I know.

This is me. I'm going.

You still haven't told me
what you wanted for your birthday.

- Surprise me.
- OK.

I will.

This is nice.

- I like seeing you first thing in the morning.
- It's bedtime for me.

Well, then, I like seeing you at bedtime. Um...

Um... Y-You know what I mean.

I think so.

What do you mean?

I like seeing you.

And the part at the end of the night
where we say goodbye?

It's getting harder.

Yeah... It is.

"I like you at bedtime"?
You actually said that?

- I know. I know.
- Man, that's like... I don't know.

- That's moxie or somethin'.
- Totally unplanned. It just... came out.

And he was into it?
He wants to see you at bedtime too?

Yeah, I-I think he does.
I mean, he's cool about it.

Well, of course he is. Cos he's cool.

I mean, he would never, you know...

- Push.
- Right. He's not the type.

- Willow, what am I gonna do?
- What do you wanna do?

I don't know. I... I mean,
"want" isn't always the right thing to do.

To act on want can be wrong.

- True.
- But... to not act on want...

- What if I never feel this way again?
- Carpe diem, You told me that once.

- "Fish of the day"?
- Not "carp". Carpe, It means "seize the day".

Right.

I... I think we're going to. Seize it.

Once you get to a certain point,
then seizing is sort of inevitable.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Wow.

Wow!

- Wow.
- Yeah.

Hey, speaking of "wow" potential,
there's Oz over there. Any sparkage?

He's nice... Hey, I like his hands.

Mm. A fixation on insignificant detail
is a definite crush sign.

Well, I don't know, though.
I mean, he is a senior.

You think he's too old cos he's a senior?
Please! My boyfriend had a bicentennial.

That's true. Uh... I guess... I just...

Don't spend your life waiting
for Xander to wake up and smell the hottie.

Make a move. Do the talking thing.

What if the talking thing becomes
the awkward silence thing?

Well, you won't know until you try.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Do you guys uh... have a gig tonight?
- Oh. No. Practice.

See, our band's kinda movin' towards
this new sound where we suck, so... practice.

- I think you guys sound good.
- Thanks.

I bet you have a lot of groupies.

It happens... I'm livin'
groupie-free nowadays. I'm clean.

I'm gonna ask you
to go out with me tomorrow night.

And I'm kinda nervous about it, actually.
It's interesting.

Oh. Well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say yes.

Yeah, it helps. It... It creates a comfort zone.

- Wanna go out with me tomorrow night?
- Oh! I can't.

See, I like that you're unpredictable.

It's Buffy's birthday,
and we're throwing her a surprise party.

- That's OK.
- But you could come. If you wanted.

- Well, I don't wanna crash.
- No, it's fine.

You could be... my date.

All right. I'm in.

I said "date"!.

So, Buffy's party.

Ma?ana,

Just because she's "Miss Save the World",
we have to make a big deal? I have to cook!

- You're cooking?
- I'm chips-and-dips girl.

- Horrors! All that opening and stirring.
- And shopping and carrying.

You need a person who does
such things for you.

That's what I've been saying
to my father, but does he listen?

Um... So... Uh...

You're going, and... and... and I'm going.

- Should... we maybe... go?
- Why?

This... thing with us, despite
our better judgement, keeps happening.

- Maybe we should just admit we're dating.
- Groping in a closet isn't dating.

- It's not a date until the guy spends money.
- Fine. I spend, we grope. Whatever.

I just think it's some kind of wack
that we have to hide from our friends.

Of course you do.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.

- I have everything to be ashamed of.
- You know what? Enough said.

Must have been my
multiple-personality guy talking.

I call him Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment.

Oh, good morning.
Is everything in order for the party?

Absolutely. You ready to get down,
you funky party weasel?

Here comes Buffy.
Discretion is the better part of valour.

You could have just said "Sh". God!
Are all you Brits such drama queens?

Buffy! I feel a pre-birthday
spankin' comin' on.

- I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander.
- Check. Cancel spanking.

- You all right, Buffy? You seem fatigued.
- Rough night.

I had a dream that Drusilla was alive,
and she killed Angel.

It just really freaked me out.

- Do you feel it was more of a... a portent?
- I don't know.

- I don't want a big freak-out over nothing.
- Still, best to be uh... on the alert.

If Drusilla is alive, then it could be
a fairly cataclysmic state of affairs.

Again, so many words. Couldn't you
just say "we'd be in trouble"?

- Go to class, Xander.
- Gone.

Notice the economy of phrasing.
"Gone". It's simple. Direct.

- Maybe I should get gone, too.
- Don't worry unduly. I'm sure it's nothing.

I know. I should keep my slayer cool, but...

It's Angel,
which automatically equals maxi-wig.

I have your package.

Just put it on the table,
near the other gifts.

Are you dead set on this, pet?

Wouldn't you rather
have your party in Vienna?

But the invitations are sent.

Yeah... But it's just
I've had it with this place.

- Nothing comes off like it's supposed to.
- My gatherings are always perfect,

Remember Spain?

Hey? The bulls?

I remember, sweet.

But Sunnydale's cursed for us.
Angel and the Slayer see to that.

Shh! I've got good games for everyone.

You'll see.

These flowers... are wrong.

They're all... wrong.

I can't abide them!

Let's try something different
with the flowers, then.

Can I open one?

Can I?

Can I?

Just a peek, love.

They're for the party.

Do you like it, baby?

It reeks of death.

This will be the best party ever.

Why's that?

Because...

..it will be the last.

Mall trip for your birthday
on Saturday. Don't forget.

Space on a Mom-sponsored
shopping opportunity? Not likely.

- So, does 17 feel any different than 16?
- It's funny you should ask that.

I woke up feeling more responsible,
mature and level-headed.

Really? That's uncanny.

I now possess the qualities
one looks for in a... licensed driver.

- Buffy...
- You said we'd talk about it when I was 17.

Do you really think you're ready, Buffy?

"Jenny Calendar."

- You startled me.
- You look well.

Yes, I'm fine.

I know I haven't written as much lately.
I've been busy.

I cannot imagine what is so important...

..to make you ignore
the responsibility to your people.

- Well, I've been working. And...
- The elder woman has been reading signs.

- Something is different.
- Nothing has changed. The curse still holds.

The elder woman is never wrong.

She says his pain is lessening. She can feel it.

- There is...
- There is what?

- A girl.
- What?! How could you let this happen?

I promise you, Angel still suffers.

And he makes amends for his evil.
He even saved my life.

So you just forget that he destroyed
the most beloved daughter of your tribe?

That he killed every man,
Woman and child that touched her life?

Vengeance demands that
his pain be eternal, as ours is!

If this... this girl gives him one minute
of happiness, it is one minute too much!

- I'm sorry. I thought...
- Thought what?

You thought you are Jenny Calendar now?

You are still Janna, of the Kalderash people.

- A gypsy.
- I know... Uncle.

I know.

Then prove it.

Your time for watching is past.

The girl and him, it ends now,

Do what you must to take her from him.

I will see to it.

And then my mom broke the plate.

It was just like my dream. Every gesture,
every word. It was so creepy.

Yes, well, I'd imagine
it would be fairly unnerving.

Hey! It's the woman of the hour.

It's happy birthday, Buffy!

It's not happy birthday, Buffy?

It's just that um... part of the nightmare
that Buffy had actually transpired.

Which means Drusilla might still be alive.

In my dream, she blindsided me. Angel
was gone before I knew what happened.

Even if she is alive, we can still protect
Angel. Dreams aren't prophecies, Buffy.

You dreamt that the Master had risen,
but you stopped it from happening.

- You ground his bones to make your bread.
- That's true. Except for the bread part.

OK, we're one step ahead.
I wanna stay that way.

Absolutely. Let me read up on Drusilla,
see if she has any particular patterns.

Why don't you meet me here at seven?
We'll map out a strategy.

- What am I supposed to do until then?
- Go to classes. Do homework. Have supper?

Right... Be that Buffy.

Well, that's not a perky birthday puppy.

So much for our surprise party.
I bought little hats and everything.

Oh, well. I guess I'll tell Cordelia.

No, you won't. We're having a party tonight.

Looks like Mr Caution Man,
but the sound he makes is funny.

Buffy's party will go ahead as we planned.
Except I won't be wearing a little hat.

- But Buffy and Angel...
- May well be in danger.

As they have been before,
and I imagine will be again.

One thing I've learnt here on the Hellmouth
is that there is no good time to relax.

Buffy's turning 17 just once,
and she deserves a party.

You're a great man of our time.

And anyway, Angel's coming, so she'll
be able to protect him and have cake.

Precisely.

- Buffy.
- Oh, my God! I didn't see you there.

Sorry. Um... Giles wanted me to tell you
there's been a change of plans.

He wants to meet you
someplace near his house.

I guess he had to get a book or something.

Cos heaven knows there aren't
enough books in the library.

- Uh... He's very thorough.
- Oh, which is not to brag.

It's kind of manly
in an obsessive-compulsive kind of way.

Mm-hm. Um... You know, my car's here.
Why don't I drive you?

OK.

- Are we going to the Bronze?
- I'm not sure.

Giles gave me an address.
I'm just following his directions.

This looks funky. Stop for a sec.

- No, Buffy. Maybe you shouldn't.
- Sorry. Sacred duty, yada-yada-yada.

What is this?

Every time I see you,
you're stealing something.

You should speak with someone
about this klepto issue.

- Where is she?
- Shh! I think I hear her coming.

Surprise!

That pretty much sums it up.

- Buffy, are you OK?
- Yes, what happened?

Uh... There were these vamps outs...
What's going on?

Oh. Erm...

Surprise party.

Happy birthday.

You guys did all this for me?

- That is so sweet.
- Are you sure you're OK?

Yes, I'm fine.

Are you OK?

Yeah... Hey, did everybody
see that guy just turn to dust?

Uh... Well, uh... sort of.

Yep. Vampires are real.
A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale.

Willow will fill you in.

- I know it's hard to accept at first.
- Actually, it explains a lot.

Hey, would somebody give me a hand here?

- Those creeps left this behind.
- What is it?

I've no idea. C-Can it be opened?

Yeah. There's a secure release right here.

The Hellmouth's answer to "What do
you get the slayer who has everything?"

- Good heavens. Buffy, are you all right?
- Man, that thing had major grip.

- What was that?
- It looked like an arm.

It can't be. She wouldn't.

What, a vamp's version of snakes in a can,
or do you care to share?

- Angel?
- It's a legend, way before my time.

Of a demon brought forth
to rid the Earth of the plague of humanity.

To separate the righteous from the wicked,
and to burn the righteous down.

- They called him the Judge.
- The Judge? This is he?

- Not all of him.
- I'm still needing backstory here.

Erm... He... He couldn't be killed, yes?

Erm... An army was sent against him.

Most of them died. But finally they were
able to dismember him, but... not kill him.

The pieces were scattered,
buried in every corner of the Earth.

- So all these parts are being brought here?
- By Drusilla.

- The vamps outside were Spike's men.
- She's crazy enough to do it.

- Do what? Reassemble the Judge?
- Bring forth Armageddon.

- Is anybody else gonna have cake?
- We need to get this out of town.

- Angel.
- What?

You're the only one
that can protect this thing.

- What about me?
- You're gonna skip town for a few months?

- I gotta get to the remotest region possible.
- But that's not months.

I can catch a cargo ship to Asia...

You know, flying machines
are safer than they used to be.

I can't fly. There's no sure way
to guard against the daylight.

I don't like this any more than you do, Buffy.

But there's no other choice.

When?

Tonight.

As soon as possible.

But it's my birthday.

I'll drive you to the docks.

You lost it.

You lost my present.

I know. I'm sorry.

It's a bad turn, man.
She can't have her fun without the box.

The Slayer. She came out of nowhere.
I didn't even see her. She...

- Make a wish.
- What?

I'm going to blow out the candles.

You might give him a chance
to find your lost treasure.

He is a wanker, but he's
the only one we've got with half a brain.

If he fails, you can eat his eyes
out of the sockets for all I care.

I'll get it. Please.

I swear.

OK.

Hurry back, then.

I should go the rest of the way alone.

OK.

But I'll be back. I will.

When? Six months? A year?

You don't know how long it's gonna take,
or... if we'll even...

Hey...

If we'll even what?

Well, if you haven't noticed,
someone pretty much always wants us dead.

Don't say that. We'll be fine.

We don't know that.

We can't know, Buffy.
Nobody can. That's just the deal.

I have somethin' for you. For your birthday.

I was gonna give it to you earlier, but...

It's beautiful.

My people... Before I was changed,
they exchanged this as a sign of devotion.

It's a Claddagh ring.

The hands represent friendship,
the crown represents loyalty.

And the heart...

Well, you know.

Wear it with the heart pointing towards you.
It means you belong to somebody.

Like this.

Put it on.

- I don't wanna do this.
- Me either.

So don't go.

Buffy?

I...

Angel! The box!

You...

Buffy!

They should be back by now.

Maybe Buffy needed a few minutes
to pull herself together.

Poor Buffy. On her birthday and everything.

It's sad, granted. But let's look
at the upside for a moment.

What kind of future
would she have really had?

She's got two jobs.
Waitress by day, slayer by night.

Angel's in front of the TV with a big
blood belly, dreamin' of the glory days...

..when Buffy thought this creature-
of-the-night routine was a turn-on.

- You've thought too much about this.
- That's just the start.

Have I told you the part where I fly into town
in my jet and take Buffy out for prime rib?

And she cries?

What happened?

- Dru's guys ambushed us. They got the box.
- Where's Jenny?

She took Angel
to get clothing. I had some here.

- And we needed clothes because...?
- We got wet.

- Giles, what do we know?
- The more I study the Judge...

..the less I like him. His touch can
literally burn the humanity out of you.

A true creature of evil can survive
the process. No human ever has.

What's the problem? We send Cordy
to fight this guy, and we go for pizza.

Can this guy be stopped? Without an army?

Erm... "No weapon forged can kill him."
Not very encouraging.

If we could stop them from assembling him...

We need to figure out
where they'd be keeping him.

- This could take time.
- Better do a round robin.

- Xander, you go first.
- Round robin?

Everybody calls everybody else's mom and
says they're staying at everyone's house.

- Thus freeing us up for world saveage.
- And all-night keggers.

What, only Xander gets to make dumb jokes?

Mom, hi... Xander... Yeah. Willow and I
are gonna be studying all night long, so...

I think I read this already.

I can't get over
how cool Oz was about all this.

Gee, I'm over it.

You're just jealous
cos you didn't have a date for the party.

No, I sure didn't.

Angel? Any luck?

It seems Buffy needed some rest.

She hasn't been sleeping well.
Tossing and turning.

She told me. Cos of her dreams?

Now, now!

Hands off my presents,

No!

- Angel!
- Buffy, it's OK.

I'm here. I'm right here.

More music!

# If you want to know how
to fly high then go now to the place

# Where all the concubines meet,
and converse with them

# Marvel at their pale skin,
wonder how they chew on their pointy...

# Teeth and hair are beauty, they know
it's a duty to be Countess in their hearts...

Look what I have for you, ducks!

The best is saved for last.

# You know what flows there like wine

# Sorrow is their master, cackling with
laughter, now he's having just one piece of...

# Cakey is their make-up,
Catholics try to shake up...

He's perfect, my darling.

Just what I wanted.

Cor...

You...

- What's that, mate?
- You two stink... of humanity.

You share affection and... jealousy.

Yeah! What of it?

Do I have to remind you that
we're the ones who brought you here?

Would you like a party favour?

This one is full of feeling.
He reads. Bring him to me.

What's with the bringing?
I thought you could just... zap people.

My full strength will return in time.
Until then, I need contact.

No! No!

No!

No! No!

Do it again! Do it again!

- Buffy, what's happening?
- I think I know where Spike and Drusilla are.

That's very good.
However, you... you do need a plan.

- You can't go off half-cocked.
- I have a plan.

Angel and I do recon, see how far
they've got assembling the Judge.

You check any places the boxes could be
coming into town - shipping yards, airports.

We need to stop them
from getting all the boxes in one place.

Yes... Yes, well,
actually that's quite a good plan.

This thing is nasty and it's real, Giles.
We can't wait for it to come get us.

Right.

I saw this. The party.

What? What is it?

We gotta get outta here.

Well, well. Look what we have here.

- Crashers.
- Our invitations just got lost in the mail.

It's delicious. I only dreamed
you'd come.

- Leave her alone!
- Yeah, that'll work. Now say "pretty please".

- The girl?
- Chilling, isn't it?

She's so full of good intention.

Take me, Take me instead of her.

Er, you're not clear on the concept, pal.
There is no "instead".

- Just first and second.
- And if you go first...

..you don't get to watch the Slayer die.

Don't touch him!

This way!

Go!

Come on. We need to get inside.

- You're shaking like a leaf.
- I'm cold.

Let me get you somethin'.

Put these on.
Get under the covers just to warm up.

Sorry.

What?

Oh, um... It's OK.
I just have a cut or something.

Can I...

Let me see.

OK.

It's already closed. You're fine.

You almost went away today.

We both did.

Angel...

I feel like I lost you.

You're right, though.

We can't be sure of anything...

I...

You what?

I love you.

I try not to, but I can't stop.

Me... Me too.

I can't either.

- Buffy, maybe we shouldn't...
- Don't. Just kiss me.

Argh! Buffy!

Buffy!