Brothers & Sisters (2006–2011): Season 5, Episode 10 - Cold Turkey - full transcript

Yes, I know it's the 22nd,

but you must have an extra
organic free-range turkey

flapping around there somewhere.

Okay, I'll hold on.

- You're up early.
- Well, not early enough.

I forgot the powdered sugar
for the pfeffern?ssen.

- Pfeffer-what?
- N?ssen. Pfeffern?ssen.

Yeah.
They're Kevin's absolute favorite cookie.

Oh, he's had
such a stressful time lately

with this whole foster adoption thing.

And I just wanted to make...
Mulling spices.



Mulling spices for the hot wine.

This is Kitty's first year without Robert

and we have to keep her good
and mulled.

What?

Oh, all right.

Listen, can you wrangle me up
a goose?

A great big one. Yeah.

Okay, good. Well, then call me back.

- You forgot to worry about Justin.
- No, I didn't.

I made him a big batch of ginger...

My gingerbread people.

I incinerated them.

I can't do this. Why am I even bothering

with this huge over-the-top extravaganza
when I know the kids are dreading it?



They're probably making fun of me
right now

for how I cram Christmas
down their throats.

- For 2 cents I'd chuck it all and...
- And what?

I don't know. If I knew maybe I'd do it.

Okay, then close your eyes

and visualize
what it is you'd rather be doing.

It's Santa.

- Hey, hey, it's Santa.
- Oh, yeah.

Apparently he has a fondness
for a shot of cognac in his cappuccino.

- Will you take a picture of me with him?
- Oh, no, no, no. Rein it in, Rudolph.

He's working at the fair down the street.
Let him get drunk in peace.

Oh, look at. It's a Christmas card
from Jonah and Jesse.

- Let me see.
- Oh, my gosh.

That could be us next year.
Our very own little Christmas card family.

Saul?

- Jonathan?
- Oh, my God.

- How are you?
- Jon, hi. How are you?

- It's been a long time.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- You're looking good.
- Thanks. Thanks.

So are you.

I wish I could stay, but I'm late
for the "Messiah" at Disney Hall.

- Will you call me?
- Yeah. I will.

Great. Well, Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.
- Hope to hear from you soon.

- The radio station's been over the
last year, all my research is telling me...

Guys, could we turn this music down?
Like, way down, please?

My research is telling me
that we can attract bigger sponsors

if we switch out drive time
from arts and "entertainment"

to weather, traffic, news.

So there's gonna be a few changes,
effective immediately.

If you're firing me
three days before Christmas,

can I call my wife and tell her to return
the adorable little one-eyed puppy

we bought my daughter
who's just been diagnosed with...

Very funny, Frank. You're hilarious.
But no, you don't get away that easily.

There are some staff reductions,
however,

that I'm gonna ask you to make
as I hedge against another downturn.

Oh, God.
Who put nutmeg in the coffee?

Not feeling the Xmas spirit this year?

Well, it's a bit hard
when your fianc?'s in Shanghai

and your kids are in Mexico
snorkeling with their dad.

I swear if I hear another bell jingle,
I am gonna strangle an elf.

You can take care of that?

Great, it's Mom.

Let the Christmas pageant begin.
If you need me over the next three days,

I'm gonna be at my mother's
stringing cranberries on dental floss.

Excuse me, nurse?

I was wondering if you had anything
for a guilty conscience?

No. I don't believe there's a cure
for that yet.

- You just gotta live with it.
- Physical therapy to Acute Care Division.

So, what brings you here, Justin?

Actually, I'm here to see you.

What's so funny?

Well, considering it's been...
What, over a month?

I don't know, why don't you tell me?

Yeah, look, I'm sorry.

I know I should have called.

L... I've just been busy
trying to be a paramedic and...

You're gonna be a paramedic?

Oh, great.

What, bad news?

No, emergency Christmas meeting
at my Mom's.

Here come the creamed onions
and the frosted windowpanes

and the little train
that goes through the village.

Look, Annie, I'm sorry.

I mean it. I know I flaked

and I'd really love a second chance,

so if you're up for it,
I'd really love to hear from you.

Will there be figgy pudding?

Figgy what?

Pudding.

At your family's Christmas,
is there gonna be figgy pudding?

Oh, figgy pudding. Yeah.

Yeah, there's gonna be figgy pudding.
My mom makes figgy pudding.

- Really?
- She, like, wins awards and stuff.

You know what?
That sounds really wonderful, actually.

I've always wanted a Christmas like that.
You know, like the old movies.

Well, do you have plans?

Well, if I had plans,

would I have basically just invited myself
to your family Christmas?

I can't remember the last time
I had sex on a futon.

- Yesterday.
- Right.

And the day before that.

All right, I get it.

- Where did I put it?
- Where is it?

Oh, wow, look at that.

My mother's discovered texting
just in time for the holidays.

My mother's Christmases
are like the opening ceremonies

for the Winter Olympics.

How about you?

You know, there's probably something
I should tell you about home.

I haven't yet because I thought that...

I like the mystery.

Does that work for you?

It's probably better that way.

I spoke to Human Resources a week ago
about that list.

Can somebody please
just e-mail it to me?

- Thank you.
- Kiss me, I'm under the mistletoe.

Well, look up, Frosty.
There ain't no mistletoe.

And there's no swagging
on the banister.

And no pine cone wreath.

And the Christmas tree
is just standing there. Naked.

- What about the village and the train?
- Not even unpacked yet.

- What?
- Good. Good, good. You're all here.

- What's going on, Mom?
- You're cutting it a little close.

You have no idea. I can't believe
we got a flight tonight. Hope we make it.

Oh, no. We're not all flying
to the North Pole, are we?

No. This isn't easy.

Well, you know how busy I've been,

and Karl and I have not been able
to spend as much time together

as we would like,
and we all like Karl, don't we?

I'll take that as a yes.

So I...

- Mom, just spit it out.
- Seriously.

I'm not having Christmas this year.

I'm going to Santa Fe with Karl.

I know.
It just seems rash and impulsive,

but I've always dreamed
of spending Christmas there

with the snow and the little candles
in the paper bags on the rooftops.

It sounds like a fire hazard,
but it looks beautiful in magazines.

And I'm sure you will all
have a much better time

without me around being all me.

There he is. I have to go.

So the decorations are all stacked
in the living room, take whatever you want.

And if you have a problem,
one single problem, then call me.

I will have my cell phone with me
every second.

Okay.

Here I go.

I love you all.

Merry Christmas.

I...

- Did she just...
- Cancel Christmas?

Frankly, I'm relieved.

- What kind of mother would do that?
- I'm gonna get back to the office.

You guys figure out what you wanna do
and I'll be there.

Talk about coal in your stocking.

Wait a minute.

Maybe this is a good thing, guys.

Maybe it's time for us
to start building our own traditions.

I mean, maybe you guys
should all come over to my house?

Yeah. I'm gonna get a tree,

- I'm gonna make a turkey...
- You know what?

- You don't have to go to all that trouble.
- No, it's no trouble at all.

Yeah, you know, your house...
I don't know. It's kind of modern.

- Our place is perfect.
- Okay, let's figure this out.

- I have a lot riding on it.
- No, Kevin.

I really wanna have it at my house.

You always make fun of
the way Mom does Christmas.

- I do not.
- You do. Look, let's just do it at mine.

- It'll be bigger, better, brighter...
- Better?

Look... I mean...

- No. No...
- Okay. No, I'm going home.

Kit, I didn't mean better like I'll...

- Mine would be better.
- We'll talk about it tomorrow, Kevin.

- Kit.
- No. Better, Kevin?

I don't care who does it. Please have
some figgy freaking pudding there.

Kitty, I'm sorry. I didn't mean better.
I just meant different.

- But I still think we should all come here.
- Well, it's too late, Kevin.

- I already got a tree.
- You know what?

We just bought two.

- What was that?
- Nothing.

Nothing. And guess what else.

I found a caterer
who works on Christmas.

- I have one word for you. Scotty.
- Okay, fine, so we're at an impasse.

We're gonna let Sarah decide
because she's the oldest.

Sarah isn't exactly the grand master
of the Christmas parade this year.

- Oh, I gotta go.
- Well...

- Hi.
- Hey.

Hi. Hi. So there it is.

After the Church of Loretto,
we can hit that Palace of Governors,

which, according to this,

is the oldest continuously-occupied
public space in North America.

Funny, I thought that was my kitchen.

I just remembered, the mold
for the cranberry ring isn't in the kitchen.

It's under the philodendron on the porch.
Kevin's never gonna find it. I better call.

Nora, Kevin has a perfectly good
pair of eyes in his head, he's okay.

Oh, Karl, this is really wonderful.

It's exactly as I visualized it.
Snow on the windows,

you and me,

and not a candied yam in sight.

So in 1680,

the Pueblo people rose up
and slaughtered 380 Spaniards, plus...

Slaughtered. No, they can't get a turkey.
They're gonna have to go with a goose.

Nora, Nora. I thought we were just
gonna leave all that behind, okay?

- Yeah, but...
- They're fine.

If they needed you, they would've called
and they haven't, right?

No, they haven't.

Now, let's get back to the Spaniards.

Nothing like a good massacre
to put you in the Christmas spirit.

There you go.

My mother insists
on doing this strand by strand.

But if you do it this way,
it just falls more naturally.

Yeah, I feel like Jackson Pollock
throwing paint at a canvas.

Okay. Okay, let's see what we've got.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay, drum roll please, and...

Okay, well, you know,
it's not Rockefeller Center,

but it is charming.

Yes. Yeah. You know, it's minimal.
Think Hemingway. Think Bauhaus.

Actually, I was thinking Charlie Brown.

That's my favorite character in fiction.

- You're good.
- You know, you are very sweet.

Thank you for helping me.

If that is somebody named Kevin,
ignore him.

I'm coming. Hey.

- Hi. Hi.
- Hey, we're here.

- Yeah. Hi. Hi.
- Hello. Hey.

All right. Okay. You guys are...
You're so early.

This is my friend, Seth,
and this is my son, Evan.

You wanna say hi?

- And this is my brother, Justin.
- Hey, man.

- How are you? Nice to meet you.
- Hey, Justin.

Seth was helping me decorate the tree.

- Great.
- Okay, let's put some tinsel on the tree.

How was the Christmas fair?

Well, the fair was kind of a bust,
actually.

The line to meet Santa
was over two blocks long

so we just waved and smiled at him.

Oh, well, okay. You know what?

I'm gonna take you to see Santa
another time.

Actually, we got to write a letter instead.
Macy's has this whole believe campaign.

For every letter to Santa you bring in,

they'll donate $1
to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

So Evan wrote a letter, I wrote a letter,
and I wrote a letter for you.

- What did I ask Santa for?
- A wireless DVD player.

To go along with the 52-inch flat screen
that I asked for.

- Wow, that's so generous of me.
- I mean, you're the best.

I guess Evan wants to show me
dinosaurs?

Well, that's pretty much a requirement
of everyone he meets.

Oh, okay.

- Kitty.
- What?

- Kitty.
- What?

So this is the guy you're hiding from us?
He's younger than I am.

I'm not hiding him. He...

We're just having fun.

Yeah, well, it seemed like
I was interrupting some fun

- when I knocked on...
- No, Justin.

He was helping me
with the Christmas tree.

Which is very Christmassy, isn't it?

I guess. Yeah.
But you're gonna do more, right?

What do you mean more?

Well, I mean, look at the fireplace.
Look how lonely it looks without stockings.

And where's the figgy pudding?

Okay, Justin,
you have to stop pressuring me.

It's not my fault that you invited
some Christmas-starved girl over here

to gawk at us
like we're some holiday diorama.

Kitty, I'm not asking for miracles here.
Just spruce it up a little bit.

- Have you been over to Kevin's yet?
- No. But I hear he's really motivated.

Two Christmas trees.

Exactly. It's confusing.
What is poor Santa to do?

Which one is he gonna put
the presents under?

All I'm saying is this place
is a little bare.

- It's minimal.
- Yeah.

- You wanted to see me?
- Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

- Listen, Frank, yesterday...
- Eggnog?

No, thanks, Frank.

Yesterday, I gave you a list of terminations
that I needed made.

I hear that there's a team of radio hosts
who haven't...

Sarah, I'm sorry,
but Abner and Louise have had a show

on this station for 35 years.
They're an institution.

Could you please turn off your tie
while I'm talking to you?

The show is their life.

You kick them out,
they have no place to go.

Yeah, well, that's Christmas.

There's no room at the inn.

You wanna fire Abner and Louise,
you're gonna have to do it yourself.

As a matter of fact, they're just finishing up
their show now. Be my guest.

Fine.

Honestly, I'm a little surprised, Frank,

that a manager as good as you
is not a little more proficient

in the fine art of letting people go.

Tell the children what you're getting
for Christmas, Abner.

A dummy? On radio, Frank?

They started out in vaudeville.
Together.

Oh, Abner,

do you think you can manage
a nice good night

to all of our friends out there?

- Good night to our friends out there.
- You were saying,

about the fine art of letting people go?

I'm Sarah, the station owner.

What do you think?

We're still waiting
for Kriss Kringle cocoa cup,

but so far pretty good, right?

Yeah, well, you know, to be honest,
I think we could probably use

a little more sugar plum
and a little less fairy.

What?
Is it the Golden Girls tree toppers?

No, Kevin, it's everything, all right?
Where...?

Where's the toy soldiers?
Where's the nutcracker?

- Where's the figgy pudding?
- What?

I'm sorry,
but I need this Christmas to be like...

You know, like the old Christmas movies
with Jimmy Stewart

- where he's crying.
- Crying?

Because he's happy.
You know, like happy tears, Kevin.

And Little Miss Yule Log Cabin
Republican,

- how is it at her place?
- A little sad. I'm not gonna lie.

- Yeah.
- I really like this girl, okay?

And I promised her a Christmas like...

I don't know. Like Mom's.

- Wait.
- What?

I know just what we need.

Without which no Walker Christmas
is a Walker Christmas.

Your hot nurse is gonna love this.

Hold onto your sleigh bells, bucko.
I'm gonna be right back.

I almost have the feeling back
in my toes.

It was warm in the cathedral.

Thanks to the 20,000 tourists
in there with us.

One for every cutesy little gift shop
on the plaza.

They don't tell you about that
in the magazines.

Somehow I don't think this turned out
the way you wanted.

Oh, no, it's not Santa Fe, honestly.

It's me.

My children don't call me for one day
and I'm a wreck.

I told them
to have their own wonderful Christmas

and they seem to be doing just that.

- And why is that a problem?
- Exactly. Exactly. Why is it a problem?

It's not a problem. It's just me. Just me.

Look at me. I'm like... I have the DTs.
It's like I...

- It's like I've gone cold turkey.
- Nora.

No, no, it's true.
I'm a junkie and I'm jonesing

for my children to call me
and ask me something, anything.

How many cups of sugar go
into a Hungarian Nut Foldover.

I get high on them needing me,

but it's not fair to them.

God, I'm a vampire
sucking the life out of my children.

Nora. Addict, maybe.

Vampire, no. Listen.

It is my professional opinion that you're
just a little bit out of your head right now.

Well, how do I get back into it?

Well, I would prescribe
a good night's sleep.

Now, it just so happens
that I never leave home

without my stash of mild sedatives.

Sleeping in strange hotels
is not my forte, so...

Well,

if it's my only hope.

How did I ever get
to be such a terrible mother?

I should have run away years ago.

They would have been
a hell of a lot better off without me.

Christmas tree topper, garland, lights.

Where's the train? Where's the train?
Icicles, Christmas decorations,

gift wrapping, Christmas lights, bows.

Santa's village.

Oh, my... Oh, my God, Kevin.
Kevin, you scared me.

- What's going on, Kit?
- Nothing.

I just popped by to get some tinsel.

- Tinsel?
- Tinsel. You know, for the tree.

- I know what tinsel is for.
- Good. So now I have my tinsel,

so I'm going to go.

Why does it say Santa's village
on your box?

It does?

You think you're real crafty, don't you?

Only you forgot one thing.

Mom puts Santa's village
in the Santa's village box,

but she puts his train

in candles and icicles.

Really? Is this what it's come to?

Why don't you give me the village
because we all know

it doesn't mean anything
without the train.

But the train doesn't mean anything
without the village, so...

I set it up every year.

I know where the general store goes,
the post office,

the little town square gazebo.

It would be useless in your hands.
Just give me the village.

This isn't about the village, is it, Kevin?

You know, in fact, this is about
who's going to carry the Walker torch

after Mom isn't here anymore.

Your words, not mine.

Always the lawyer, aren't you?

So typical of a politician
to blame a lawyer.

Right from the beginning,
you assumed it was your right.

- So did you.
- No, I'm fighting for my right.

I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking
Scotty and I

- aren't a real family...
- Oh, God. Did you just play the gay card?

Because you come from the most loving,
liberal family known to man.

Mom couldn't be more gay-friendly
if she twirled a baton up

Santa Monica Boulevard
in a Cher costume.

If you're so tolerant,
let me do Christmas.

Did it ever occur to you
that I need to show my son

that we are still a family
after everything that we've been through?

I'm not allowed to use the gay card,
but you're allowed to pull the widow card?

I cannot believe that you just said that.

I'm sorry, you're intractable.

I'm not the one foaming at the mouth
like some Christmas crackhead.

Maybe we shouldn't do it together
this year.

Fine by me. Go ahead, Kevin.

Go have your two-treed,
LGBT-ed, politically correct,

don-me-now-my-gay-apparel
holiday extravaganza without me.

Enjoy the train.

Enjoy the village.

They would have been a hell
of a lot better off without me.

Better off without me.

Without me. Without me.

I told you I would take care of it.

Listen, I'll have the money back in the
bank account by the end of the month.

- I didn't think you'd make it.
- A little meltdown on the domestic front,

but I'm here.

Kevin?

They can't hear you, Nora.

Nice vest.

- You're not here.
- Sorry we're late.

The little angels decided their
Christmas dresses were too scratchy.

Until their daddy told his princesses
how pretty they look.

Kevin's married? To a woman?

- Merry Christmas, Auntie Sarah.
- No sticky fingers, it's Lacroix.

- With kids?
- He always did want children.

Let's go look at the presents.

No peeking.

- Are you ready for this?
- No.

But nothing a couple shots of bourbon
won't fix.

Karl, what's happening?

You thought your kids would've been
better off if you'd run away years ago.

Well, now you can see for yourself.

Where did I run away to?

A condo in Boca.

Boca? That's impossible.
My mother lives there.

Come. There's more to see.

Oh, my God, who decorated this place,
the tooth fairy?

Hey, Kev, Sarah, this is, Angel.

Which is perfect for Christmas.

- Oh, my God, he's drunk.
- Yes, he's always drunk now.

See, there was no one there
to rally the troops for his intervention.

She's on top of the tree.
She flies because she's got wings.

Who's he gonna bring over for Easter?
Bunny?

Kitty.

Well, why is she mumbling like that?

Without you there to rebel against,
she never found her voice.

- Who's this one from, Daddy?
- Well, let's see, shall we?

She's got wings.

- "With love, from Grandma Nora."
- Who's Grandma Nora?

Oh, you girls are too young
to remember,

but guess what? She'll be here tonight,
so you'll get to see her.

Briefly.

Hello, my darlings.

- Nana. Nana.
- Nana. Nana.

Nana. Nana.

What is Holly doing here?

You didn't expect William to remain alone,
did you?

William married Holly?
This is her house?

Oh, God, Karl, I can't see anymore.
Please take me back to Santa Fe.

Oh, Nora, Nora. It's only just begun.

It is so wonderful to see you all here.

She said with a big fake smile
on her face.

Do you think you could try to make
yourself presentable for the occasion?

Oh, yeah, the occasion.
Christmas with Eva Braun.

No one is forcing you to live here, Kitty.

I'm your meal ticket, not your jailer.

Hey, you two little angels,

how would you like to watch
one of Nana's movies before dinner?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

How about the one
with the chimpanzee?

- Yeah.
- Okay, let's go.

Hurry.

Six months in the jungle with her,
no wonder the monkey fired his agent.

Stay cool, little sister.

If we stick to the plan,
you'll be free of her forever.

Plan? What are they talking about?
What plan?

Excuse me, everybody.

Oh, Scotty.

Oh, please tell me
he's not as bad as the rest.

This is a cheese puff filled
with mango peach salsa

to keep you busy
and dinner is on its merry way.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, great.

I'm gonna run to the kitchen
and grab more ice.

Oh, is that what they're calling it
nowadays? Ice?

Nora. This way.

Oh, would you stop?

Donder can't keep his hands off Blitzen.

Oh, Kevin your wife
is in the other room.

We could steal away
to my old bedroom.

I kept all my old toys.
You could pin your tail on my donkey.

Yeah.

Why is he still in the closet?

You weren't there to tell him
it was okay to step out of it.

No, no, no. This is wrong.
We can't keep doing this. Kevin, I...

- Isn't that better?
- Really, Kevin?

Thank God I learned the Heimlich
maneuver. Are you okay, young man?

I'm fine. I should really take
these canap?s out.

Good.

You're already being blackmailed
by one service provider,

are you trying
to make it a matched set?

Oh, you're one to talk. Philandery isn't
as expensive a hobby as embezzlement.

Well, we're both about
to solve our problems, aren't we?

How did my older sister
become so cold-hearted?

It's just another termination
as far as I'm concerned.

Termination? Who?
Who's she terminating?

Karl, is something terrible
about to happen?

Oh, beyond your imagining.

Hey.

Hey, hey. This is...

This is my type of Christmas, huh?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

- Oh, that's sweet.
- I'm not surprised.

It's powdered sugar
for the footsin-faustin.

- Pfeffern?ssen.
- Shut up, Kevin.

Justin, pull yourself together.

You're pathetic. We've got a job to do.

Look, Sarah,
I don't think this is a good idea.

Think of it this way, little brother.

One-fifth of the money dad left her
can be yours.

A lifetime supply
of Peruvian pleasure powder.

Now, come on, boys. It's showtime.

I didn't raise them to be like this.

Exactly, Nora.
You didn't raise them at all.

Follow me.

Holly, dinner's gonna be a little delayed.

Could you go check on the kids and make
sure they're snug as a bug upstairs?

I would love to.

They're probably at the part
where the chimp proposes.

Well...

Oh, my God.
They're going to kill Holly, aren't they?

There's no turning back now.

This is for the warm and personal checks
you sent us every birthday.

For all those postcards
from exotic places.

For the college trip
that you almost took us on.

For being there
when I pitched my perfect game.

In spirit, anyway.

And one for Tommy.

We all know how that worked out.

What happened to Tommy?

Believe me, Nora,
you don't wanna know.

Oh, the girls are all cozy in the den.

You should see them.
They're in stitches.

Holly, don't drink the eggnog.
They're trying to kill you.

Any final words, Holly?

For you, Nora.

For bringing us all together
as one big happy family.

Welcome home, Mother.

It's not Holly they're going to kill. It's me.

No!

Karl, it was awful.

I mean, my children were monsters.

They were ruthless and conniving.

And this cold turkey is not working for me.
Not on Christmas.

What was I thinking?

I wanna go home.

- Oh, Nora.
- No, no, no. I'm not gonna go home

and then call them all
and drag them over to my house.

I won't take over.
It won't be all about me.

I'll just sit there quietly and enjoy them.

I mean, I have a right to enjoy them.

They're extraordinary people
and I love them.

And that's a good thing.

Yes. It's beautiful.

Come in.

Hey. Come in, come in.
I'm so glad you called.

Sit. Please.

God, it's been a long time.

I guess I was still anchoring back then.

Loaded half the time.

Were you watching the night
I confused Gorbachev with Baryshnikov?

No, I don't think so.

Listen, Jonathan.
This is a little difficult for me, so...

Difficult? What is it, Saul?

Last year, I found out
that I'm HIV-positive.

I'm fine. I mean, I'm good.

My numbers are good, but you can
imagine what a shock it was for me.

Well, actually, I can.

When I found out I was,

it was like the world stopped.

But that was a long time ago.

They know much more about it now.

I was infected a long time ago too,
Jonathan.

And you just found out?

I didn't think there was any reason
to be tested.

Why didn't you call me, Jonathan?

Call you?

You know, last year,
I thought I'd get all modern

and I put myself on Facebook
and there you were

writing about your experience
with the disease on your homepage.

Yeah, well, it's part of my job now.

I use my own story
as a way of educating.

Do you?

With all this education, how come
you didn't see fit to let me know?

Isn't that one of the basic tenets
of this organization

to inform your sexual partners?
Isn't that it?

Why didn't you call me?

Oh, my God.

Oh, Saul.

- You don't remember sleeping with me?
- No.

I thought that I was falling in love
with you.

- Why didn't you say something?
- I did.

The night we slept together.
I remember exactly what I said.

I said, "I could fall in love
with someone like you."

Oh, my God.

You...

You really don't remember
the bad Chinese food we ate that night?

You don't remember watching
Lena Horne fill her Coupe de Ville

at the gas station
on the corner of Vine?

You don't remember.

Okay. I'll fill you in.

We ended up in your bed.

And obviously, it didn't mean anything
to you at all.

Saul, if I gave this to you...

Well, there's nothing I can say.

Oh, come on.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We'll try and keep it down.

Okay, somebody has to be
the first to blink.

Will you call her, please?

- Kitty?
- What are you doing?

Just watching this train
go round and round

like a dog trying to bite off its own tail.

How about you?

Oh, I'm just sitting here
staring at this dumb village.

It's like there was a chemical disaster
and all the little people had to move away.

So, what are we gonna do?

I don't know. I don't know.
Should we call Mom?

No, let's not do that.
She wants to be alone with Karl.

And we have to figure out
how we can do this on our own.

Oh, hang on.

It's Sarah. She's always been
the tiebreaker. Hang on.

- Hi, Sarah.
- Hey.

I'm on with Kevin.
I'm gonna put you on conference.

Listen, whoever's having Christmas,
just count me out.

Why?

I fired an old lady
and her wooden dummy yesterday.

You fired a wooden dummy?

Yes, I'm evil.

No, Sarah, you're not evil.

She did fire a wooden dummy, Kitty.

Well, that doesn't make her evil, Kevin.

I mean, don't you remember
what Mom always used to say?

That bad people are not really bad.
They're just afraid.

She also said the shark in Jaws
only killed people

because it was afraid
that a boat might run over its young.

Well, maybe she's right. That's why
I bit your head off last night, Kit.

Because I was afraid.

You know, laugh all you want,
but growing up in this family

where it's all about family,

I was always scared that I was gonna be
the only one never to have that.

Yeah, well, you're not the only one
who's scared.

I've been so concerned with making it
on my own and proving to myself

that I don't need anybody,
that I forgot that I'm not on my own

and to make it even worse, I actually
like the guy that I'm not on my own with.

So, what about you, Sarah? Come on.

We're all baring our souls here.
What are you scared of?

Maybe I am scared
that I'm gonna shipwreck the company.

Yeah, maybe.
Maybe all our fears can come true.

So what?
Walkers aren't Grinches. They're Whos.

And when the Grinch did steal Christmas
and all the trees and presents

and decorations were gone,
what did the Whos do?

You went boogie boarding
on Christmas Eve?

Oh, and Santa speaks Spanish.

Well, honey, you call me first thing
when you wake up, okay?

Okay, baby. Bye.

Mom, you're back.

Yeah.

Oh, my... Hey, everyone.
Guess what? Mom's back.

I'm not kidding. She's back.

- Mom.
- Hi.

- The last person we were expecting.
- Mom.

Merry Christmas. What happened?

- What happened?
- What are you doing?

- Hi.
- It's a long story.

Whatever the story is,
please, please, don't ever do that again.

- Yeah. That's not okay.
- Hey, Mom. Welcome.

- God, you're home.
- Let's drink.

Mom, eggnog?

Yes, I'd love some eggnog.

- I would love some eggnog.
- Yeah.

Coming up.
I think we all need some eggnog.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

- Hi. Hey.
- Oh, my gosh. Hi. Hi.

He's young.

Hey, okay, everyone. This is Seth.

- Hi, Seth.
- Hi, Seth.

Wow, there are so many of you
and so few of me.

Welcome to Walkerville.
Have some eggnog.

- Yeah.
- Merry Christmas.

"And Scrooge was better than his word.

And to Tiny Tim,
he was a second father."

That's the least he could do.

"And so Tiny Tim observed,

God bless us, everyone."

Go and play with your train.

- Thank you.
- Cheers.

What's going on?
You've been so quiet all night.

I didn't feel like talking to anyone.

I called that guy I met at the restaurant.

Oh, and?

And I'll talk about it some other time.

Right now, I just need a hug
from my nephew. Come on.

Look out. Watch your backs.
Coming through.

- What is that?
- The figgy pudding.

Oh, that's figgy pudding?

It's a traditional Victorian recipe.

Although I did throw in a bit of saffron
and candied ginger.

- Of course you did.
- Thank you.

- There you go. For you.
- Okay.

- Mind the mess.
- Whoa, let's fix this right now.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Thank you.

It's such a treat having you
with us tonight.

I wanted to thank you for coming.

Well, thank you
for taking the ax out of my neck.

It was easy once I realized
that the world would still turn

with an hour less news
on a Sunday morning.

Then you've learned a lot.

Well, this makes going home
for the holidays not seem all that bad.

Oh, yeah, home.

You know, I shut you up the other day.

You were about to say something
about home.

What is it that you wanted to tell me?

I don't think you wanna hear that.

No, I do. I do. I really do.

I am finished with mystery
and I want full disclosure.

Okay.

Well...

Oh, my God. Do you have a girlfriend?
Are you dating somebody else?

- You know Dean Whitley?
- You're dating Dean Whitley?

No.

No, no.

She's my mom.

She's my boss. She's your mother?
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
Seth, why didn't you tell me this before?

- I tried.
- Why didn't you try harder?

Oh, my God.

Because I was afraid.
I was afraid that I was gonna lose you.

Have I lost you?

So amidst all this abundance
of holly and ivy,

I just wanted
to remind my beloved family

of our Jewish blood
that flows through all of our veins.

I know Hanukkah has passed
and we've lit all the candles

and I just wanted
to share a little blessing

that's offered
in celebration of new beginnings.

Which is to say,
blessed art thou, King of the Universe

who has given us life,
who has sustained us,

who has enabled us to reach this day.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Amen.