Brothers & Sisters (2006–2011): Season 1, Episode 5 - Date Night - full transcript

My husband had an affair

with that woman, Holly, over there.

You are so hot.

Warren, just please, just--

Shut up?
- Yeah.

Jonathan, I'm missing you badly.

Am I allowed to say that even
though I cheated on you?

And I made the biggest mistake of my life?

(Scotty) This is the lawyer I mentioned.

Kevin Walker, Randy Stewart.

Hi.
- Hi, I've heard a lot about you.



Have you given any more thought to getting a criminal lawyer?

You're talking about the pension fund, huh?

That lovely situation your father left us with.

Do you have feelings for Holly?
- Beginning of a friendship. Yeah, maybe.

Diabetes is a disease

she can live with and live fully.

Dad never stopped caring about what you did with your life.

I stop right now.

(Kitty) They're called Santa Anas.

It's a Southern California thing.

It's these weird, hot winds

that blow out of the desert and into L.A.

When I was a kid, they used to completely freak me out.

I used to get so scared that I couldn't sleep alone,



and so I would jump into my mom and dad's bed,

and I'd hide under the covers.

(Jonathan) I wish you could jump into my bed.

I've got an idea.

Pretend I'm not in New York.

Pretend you're sleeping with me

and the warm wind that's blowing--

it's my breath.

Oh, Jonathan.

Come on, it'll be good for you.
- OK.

So you're lying in bed with me,

and the Santa Anas are your breath.

And I'm kissing your neck.

And now I'm moving lower. So hot.

Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, baby, hot, hot.

You're wearing those pink pajamas

with the little blue flowers, aren't you?

How did you know that?

It's a good guess. Take 'em off.

Are they off yet?

They're off.

Now take off your panties.

Mmm. Mmm.

See? You're getting into this, aren't you?

Are you naked?
- Oh, yeah, completely.

You're lying.

No, I'm not.

Now it's your turn, Bucko. Take it all off.

I know for a fact you're lying.
- AAH!

AAH! Oh.

Are you-- are you OK? I'm so sorry.

It was supposed to be a surprise.
- Are you crazy?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You know what? You are lucky.

You are so lucky that I am the only Republican

who doesn't own a gun.
- Oh, my God.

Kitty! Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!
Oh, no, Mother.

Mother, it's-- it's--
- Jonathan.

Jonathan? Close your eyes.

I'm sorry, Nora, I just -- I knew where the key was,

and I just wanted to surprise your daughter.

I'm getting a rottweiler.

I should clean this up.

Oh, no, just, uh, come kiss me first.

Oh, God.

David, you didn't have to come yourself.

You could've just sent one of your guys.

It's OK. Next time something jumps out of someone's hands

and hits the shelf, this won't happen.

Nothing's jumping out of anybody's hands, David.

It was an accident.

Oh, Honey, you can't help it if you're still scared of the wind.

I am not scared of the wind!
- Whoo! Whoo!

OK, OK, OK, Mother. Enough.

I should go. I took a suite at the Ritz.

Nora, I'll just get my bags.

I'll see you later.
- OK.

I'll bring my stuff over after work, maybe around seven-ish?
- OK.

Jonathan, you should stay here.

Oh, no, it could be for a while.

At least till Kitty convinces me to move out here for good.

Mom, he's gonna be here indefinitely.

We are trying to figure out what we are and--

He should stay here.
- Mom, you don't even like him.

You have described him on several occasions

as being a rabid, free-market capitalist sociopath,

and a few other choice words that I won't mention

in front of David.
- No, go ahead.

I think I've heard all of Nora's expletives over the years.

Jonathan!

Oh, no, no, Mom.

They don't get to choose the buyer, I do.

They've got four minutes to accept the offer or we walk.

Jonthan, excuse me.

You -- you know, I would absolutely love it

if you would stay here with us.

Sure.

What's your fax number?

Uh...
(Sarah) She said what?

Oh, I hope you had the good sense to turn her down.

I hope he did.

Oh, Jonathan's no pushover. He can handle her.

How's Paige?

She's fine. I'm a wreck. I can't talk about it.

I-I don't wanna cry anymore because you'll start crying,

and then I won't be able to stop crying.
- I wanna cry.

Ah, Kevin just walked in. I'll put you on speakerphone.
- No, no, no, no, don't--

Don't put me on speaker, please, Sarah.

Jonathan's here. Guess where he's staying?
- Where?

At Mom's!! Kitty, you realize

Mom called him a cruel and ruthless businessman

who'd kill his own grandmother to make a buck.

I'm not talking if I'm on speaker.

He's cooking dinner for everyone tonight.
- He cooks?

I thought his kind of people only hired chefs.
- Wait, who's cooking?

Ah, Uncle Saul and Tommy just walked in.

Kitty's on the phone.
- Hey, Tommy. Hey, Uncle Saul.

Hey, Kit.
- Hey, Kitty. Great show last night.

Of course, as usual, you were right about Israel

and wrong about everything else.

Well, at least we'll always have Israel, Uncle Saul.

Jonathan's back.

He's staying at Mom's

and cooking dinner for everyone tonight.

Wait, your mother is letting him cook in her kitchen?

Well, she's not entirely aware of it yet.

It's a good thing Justin knows C.P.R.

An interloper in my sister's kitchen?

Justin should show up with oxygen and a defibrillator
- and sober.

What?
- Hey...

Hello? Hey, are you guys making faces? Come on!

This is why I hate speakerphones.

All right, I'm signing off. See you tonight.

OK, bye, Kitty.
- Bye, Kitty.
- See ya, Kit.

Bye.
- All right...

The lawyer is in the conference room.

She's waiting for us.

Yeah, I still don't see why we need another lawyer.

We have you.
- Yeah, well, the difference is I took a year of criminal law.

This woman practices it for a living.
- Well, that makes me feel so much better.

How are things?

Oh, well, things are...

Pretty excellent.

Miss Walker?

I'm Amber. I'm your new intern.

If you need absolutely anything, just ask.

Hi, Amber.

Um, you know, you can, uh, call me Kitty.

I'm just completely in awe of you.

You're really amazing.

You're, like, totally my role model.
- Oh, thanks.

Except for, you know, your politics.

Half-caf, half decaf, skim milk and The New York Times.

Perfect. Thanks, Amber.

Can I do anything else for you?

No, I'm pretty excellent.

Uh, Amber?

Yeah?

Is this your first day?

No, I started yesterday afternoon. Bye.

Oh, my God.

You slept with her.

Ugh.

(woman) It turns out there's some good news.

None of you have done anything

that could get you in a jail cell...yet,

even Saul, who's raised creative accounting to an art form.
- Thank you.

So we don't have to call the U.S. Attorney

and turn ourselves in?
- No.

But the 5500's due at the end of the year.
- 5500?

The financial statement.

We have to list all of our assets in the pension fund.
- Or the lack thereof.

If you don't report the shortfall, it's fraud.

And that's what sends all of you to jail without passing "go."

So what options do we have?

Pretty simple -- you need $12 million

to put back in the fund by the end of the year.

Where are we gonna find $12 million?

We find out where Dad put it.

Thanks, Kevin. I hadn't thought of that.

There's gotta be a way to figure out what William was doing.

Somebody has to know where that money is.

I can refer you to a forensic accountant

who can look in confidence.
- What if the forensic guy can't find the money?

"A"-- sell off major assets of the corporation,

"B"-- declare bankruptcy,

or "C"-- falsify the report and almost certainly see

the inside of a jail cell.

or "D"-- win the lotto.

OK.

Jonathan, if you're here, you got some faxes--

about 30 pages worth.

I-I had to refill the machine with paper.

Thank you, Nora. You can just leave them right there.

Groceries?

Do you have some sort of special dietary needs I'm unaware of?

No, Kitty didn't tell you? I'm cooking.

Where?
- Here. Tonight.

I thought it would be a great way

to say hello to everyone again.

It's the least I could do.

Oh, that is so thoughful. Completely unnecesary.

I-I don't think anyone can come.

It's so hard to get them all together during the week.

Well, as far as I know, everyone's coming.

Oh. Great.

I've got two more bags in the car.

No peeking, Nora.
- Oh.

It's a surprise.

You love those surprises.

(Kitty) "We found the hunt thrilling

and the business lucrative"?

You know, I don't like that. I don't wanna talk about that.

I'd rather stick with the whiskey.

(laughing)

Oh, I can't believe it.

OK, thanks.

That's good.

I'll talk to you later.
- OK, bye bye.

Allow me to explain something.

You can't just go blithely around screwing women

in the workplace and then flaunt it.

You could get sued. You could get fired.

She could get fired. It's completely irresponsible

and frankly...gross.

When did you become the guardian of workplace morality?

Oh, it's not about me, Pal. I couldn't care less.

It's the -- the lefty political correctness police

who are gonna march in here

and start screaming sexual harassment,

and then you're really gonna be screwed.
- What do you care?

Didn't your little boyfriend come back to town

and move in with you and Mommy?

You know, I would really appreciate it

If you could refrain from listening in

on my private phone conversations.
- Then quit having private phone conversations

in your irritating cell phone voice in the workplace.

And for what it's worth,

I haven't slept with her...yet.

And if and when we do choose to have sex,

it will be an act between two consenting adults.

She's not an adult, Warren.

She's a susceptible young intern

who happens to be impressed with your position and your power

and your ill-informed, touchy-feely politics.

Is there nothing about that scenario

that is familiar to you?

Hmm...no. Can't think of a thing.

That's it? I'm done? I'm not going on the stage?

It's a witness stand.

And, no, they settled ten minutes ago.

But, uh, you can take comfort in the thought

it was your impending testimony

that put the fear of God in them.
- I'm crushed.

I feel like an understudy who never got to go on.
- Sorry.

No, um, I'm sorry for the other night.

What other night?
- The movies? "Two For the Road?"

Although, in our case, it was four,

if your count your mother and my friend.
- Your friend?

You were holding hands, so unless he was a blind friend,

I would assume he's your boyfriend.

I know you were hurt.
- No, that would imply I cared.

When can we go out again?

I don't ask guys out twice who are currently involved.

I'd imagine you'd understand that,

being the poster boy for monogamy.

There is no harm in dating around.

When I'm exclusive, I'm exclusive.
- So are you?

Exclusive?

Well, we're not registered, if that's what you mean.

and P.S. -- you were the one who cancelled on me

to hang out with your mom, so I'm the one

who should be offended and a little weirded out.

OK, fine.

How's tomorrow night?

My boyfriend and I might have plans, but I'll check.

He can come, too. He was kinda hot.

How's 7:30?
- Geriatric. Let's say 9:00.

It's cassoulet. It's a French peasant food.

It's kind of a stew.

Except that every chef has co-opted this

all over the entire nation.

Well, I'd like to make a toast.

To Nora, who has kindly offered to endure the encroachment

of me and my business in her lovely home.

Thank you.
- (Saul) To Nora.

(all) Cheers.

And if you keep cooking like this,

you can stay as long as you'd like.

Kitty, could you get some more wine?
- Mmm.

No, no, no, no. Please. Please.

Let me do something. I can't just sit around

and do nothing in my own house.

Oh, ah!

How do I say, "I told you so" in French?

Baiser ma derriere.
(literally: "Kiss my ass")

Baiser ma derriere.

Uh, excuse us. It's time for Paige's insulin.

Do I have to?

Come on, Sweetie.
- Wish us luck.

(Joe) Come on.

Finally, our peasant has arrived.

You look so nice!

Don't you look great? Where'd you get the new suit?

Oh, it's my bellboy uniform.

(Saul) I thought they'd give you something

with epaulets and a hat.
- Yeah, you know what?

I wore that in Afghanistan, thanks.
- Ah, very funny.

Still the silent treatment, huh, Bro?

It's no silent treatment. I just don't have anything to say.

Jonathan, what exactly do you do?

I'm a hedge fund manager.

Oh, come on. He's being modest.

I googled you.

He's one of the top hedge fund managers in the country.

You can't get through

the doors of his office with less than $5 million.

Wow, really? Maybe you could help me with my 401k.

So your business is making the very rich obscenely rich?

Nora...finish your stew.

I'm sorry. All right. I'm eating.

I invest wealthy people's money

in companies that need capital to grow.

If I pick well, everybody wins, including the employees.

Except for the ones on minimum wage.

Wages are set by the marketplace, Nora.
- Oh, here we go!

The wisdom of the almighty market.

Mom, the minimum wage is a political conceit.

He's not a politician. He's a businessman.

I know. I know.

I guess this is his idea of clever irony--

eating like a poor peasant

while we discuss his bazillion dollar hedge fund.

Oh, damn it, Mom.

I'm sorry.

(Paige) Ow! Stop!

No! It hurts!
- It's OK.

That really hurt me!
- Daddy didn't mean to hurt--

Please, I don't like this.

I got it. I got it. Here.
- Stop it!

Give me this. Give me this. Let me get over here.

All right, Paige. Can you look me right in the eyes?

Right, look me right in the eyes and make this face.

Look right here, OK? Can you make a funny face for me?

Like this... (growls)

You are all done. You did so good!

Come on, let's bring you back in there.

You did so good.

I'm so proud of you. Oh, my gosh!

You're so heavy! No more food for you!

What? Show's over. There's nothing to see here.

Right, little girl?

You did so good!

God, you're getting heavy. There you go.

What?

It's harder when you're under fire.

I'm gonna get you some band-aids, Paige.

You OK?

Wow. Who was that masked man?

Yes, yes, yes. You're absolutely right!

Oh, my gosh!

You're like a contractor and designer all in one.

I just love this cork flooring. Who knew?

Thanks for lunch.

Oh, David, could you please move your truck?
- Oh, sure.

No. Oh, no, David, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, please.

I want Kevin to see what you're doing.

Kevin, look at this -- David's gonna take out

this entire wall and fill it with French doors.

Wow, that seems expensive.

You know, I might have some door frames left over

from the Sperlings' Restaurant job.
- Ah, I love the Sperlings'. How are they doing?

Well, they're opening a restaurant, Mom.

I'm sure they're broke and medicated

to within an inch of their lives.

What are they calling it again?
- Sperlings.

How clever.

You know what? They sent me an invitation to the opening.

I'm so bad.

I completely forgot all about it. When is it?

Tonight.
- Tonight?

Oh, no. Tonight?

Oh, Kevin?
- What?

Can I --?
- No.

I can't ask you?
- No.

My son and I are no longer seeing each other socially.

It seems to be inapprop--

All right, I'm not gonna say anymore.

Well, why don't you go with me, Nora?

I'm down for a plus one and right now there's no one,

so...
- Oh, well...

that... sure is a good idea.

I mean, I was invited, too,

so it wouldn't be like I was your "one."

You know, I'm my own "one."

We would be your "one" and my "one"--

Just two "ones," you know, going.

I could meet you there even-- would be a good idea.

Great.
- OK.

I'll go move my truck.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

What?

You were just asked out on a date.

I was most certainly not asked out on a date.

Don't you dare mention this to your sisters.

Who?
- Kevin...

Me?
- Yes.

Cross my heart.

Kitty Walker.

That is so incredibly nice of you!

Hi, guys.

Warren is treating me to dinner after the show.

Yeah, it's kind of a tradition. After the first week--

I like to take the interns out.

Oh, you know what? I heard about that.

You've been doing that since, like, the early 80s.
- Not quite that long.

We're going to McKendree's
- Oh, McKendree's.

You know what, Warren? We ate there once together, didn't we?

I'd read about McKendree's in the magazines,

so I'm, like, totally psyched.

Oh, my God, what am I gonna wear?

You know what? I have an idea. Wow.

My boyfriend and I were gonna go out

and grab dinner after the show. Why don't we all go together?

No way!
- Are you kidding?
- No.

I'm going to dinner with both stars of "Red, White & Blue"??

Why not? It would really be a lot of fun.

Oh, my God, I so gotta go call my roommate!

Tell her you're gonna be home early.

Whoa, whoa. So--so what,

you're the, uh, dental dam of workplace relationships now?

Warren, it is so obvious what you're trying to do.

What I'm trying to do?
- Yeah, you're still upset about what happened between us,

so you're trying to get back at me by sleeping with the intern.

Well, the problem is, is that that girl is gonna

get destroyed by this,

and I'm not gonna have that on my conscience.
- So you think my wanting

to sleep with Amber is about me sleeping with you and not about me wanting

to sleep with Amber?
- Clearly.

Wow. Well, after you get your head examined,

Maybe you might wanna check with your boyfriend, uh, Jonathan,

and see how he feels about this little double date.
- Well, Jonathan

is not that insecure.

Gosh, what a guy.

Hey, you guys see that new intern? Smokin'!

Don't you think?

We could see off the trucks to shore up the ranch operation.

You won't need ranch operations if you liquidate the orchards.

You think we should sell the orchards?

That's our core business.

Sarah, how are you?
- Jonathan?

I was just telling Tommy I don't think you guys should be

too quick to sell off the distribution arm.

Tommy, could I have a word with you, please?

Sarah, don't--
- Excuse me, Jonathan.

I need to talk to my brother.
- I understand.

Tommy, what did you--?
- I'm not an idiot.

I didn't talk abou the pension fund.

But if we're gonna auction off parts of Ojai,

I wanna make sure we sell the right parts

and Jonathan knows, I mean, he--
- Well, I haven't decided that that's what I wanna do.

What do you wanna do? You know, file for bankruptcy,

go to jail?
- Back off, Tommy.

Do you have any idea what I'm going through?

I just came from Paige's school,

where the nurse lost

my diabetic daughter's blood testing kit.

I've had two months from hell,

and I don't need you undermining me at every turn.

Sarah, you're the only one with the authority to fix this.

You have to own that.

Stop stalling. You have to act.

Ooh, what are you all dressed up for?

I'm not dressed up.

You're wearing a push-up bra.

This is not a pu-- it's a French cup.

I got it on sale.

You know, it wouldn't hurt you

to wear a bra every now and then.

I hear you have a date with David Morton.

I'm gonna kill Kevin.

And it's not a date.

I would ask you to come along,

but apparently, you're on your way to McKendree's.

You're not the only one that talks to Kevin.

And I must say I find it a bit bizarre,

this Darwinian dinner date of yours.

What? Do the two of them butt horns like a pair of rams

and whichever one is left standing

at the end of the evening gets to take you home?

We're all civilized adults, Mother,

and Jonathan knows exactly how I feel about him.

Well, I wish you would explain it to me

because I don't understand the attraction.

You know, Mom, if you feel so strongly about Jonathan

why did you invite him to stay here?
- I was being courteous.

No, you were being controlling

because you don't want me to leave.

And if I'm here, you can pick on me at will.

Kitty, that's absolutely--

I have been nothing but nice to you since--
- Nice?!

I have been so nice!
- Nice? Attacking my boyfriend in the middle of a dinner

that he made for the entire family is--

A dinner you conveniently forgot to tell me about.

Well,--

You set me up.

and, you know, while we're on the subject, why do you do it?
- What?

Why do you belittle ever single guy that I've ever brought home

since-- since what, seventh grade?

No one on Earth wants you to find a decent boyfriend

more than I do, but you seem to have a knack

for picking self-satisfied, smug men

who have pathologically high self-esteem--

Handsome, arrogant, self-centered Republicans--

Are you talking about Jonathan,

or are we talking about Dad?

If I thought you loved Jonathan, I wouldn't say a thing.

Hey.
- Hi.

Wow, you look great.

Oh, no, you're-- You, of course, look wonderful.

You look so different like this.

Not that you don't look great in your khakis

or whatever it was you were wearing at the house.

I really don't remember what you were wearing at the house.

I wasn't paying attention.

I never notice what people are wearing.

I would be the worst witness at a trial.

Everybody tells me that. They all just say I'd be bad.

Oh, David, oh, you've done just a wonderful job.

Holy Mother of God.

(woman) Good evening, Mr. Morton.

Right this way, Ma'am.

Thanks.

Saul? You look a little ashen. Did you get a bad scallop?

No, it's not the scallop.

Good evening.

Oh, uh, welcome back.

Can I get you some cocktails?

Yeah.
- Yes.

Dry martini for you?
- Uh, no, no.

No, I'll just have a glass of red wine, thank you.

Why don't I order champagne, since this is a celebration?

Veuve clicquot la Grande Dame, and put a second bottle on ice.

Yes, sir, right away.

Would it be weird if I took a picture of you two together?

Sure.

I promised my mom.

Just right there like you are, only closer.

You know, it's so funny,

because the whole world thinks you guys hate each other.

Why don't you get in the photograph, Amber,

and I'll take it?
- Oh, yeah, aswesome!

Uh-oh, you're, uh, you're getting a call.

Oh!

Oh, it's my best friend, Jill. I'll be right back.

Jill? We just got here.

Oh, my God, it's like, a super nice restaurant.

So, Jonathan, how, uh, how are you liking L.A. so far?

Listen, I always prefer to be direct with people.

So, let's just identify the elephant in the room,

shall we?

I know about you two.

Well, aren't we modern?

And Kitty is a beautiful, smart and sexy woman.

So I don't blame anyone

for falling for her.

(Kitty) So...

I'm thinking pork chops.

No, Jonathan, you're right. She is --

She is all those things.

But you are wrong about one thing.

I never fell for Kitty.

What happened between us was nothing.

It was a mistake,

and, uh, we should leave it at that.

You guys wanna go to Bar Marmont after this?

Oh, you won't feel old or anything.

People of all ages go there.

Oh, it is so hard to decide.

I think I'll have the sea bass.

I'm sorry. I just served the last one,

but the swordfish is wonderful.

Fine, I'll have swordfish.
- I will have the same.

Very good.
-(David) Thanks.

There's an awful lot of mercury in swordfish.

I hope I don't turn into a thermometer.

If you wanna leave, Nora...

No, no, no, no, why?

Just because my brother is over there

with the woman who was sleeping with my husband?

I'd rather have another...watermelon martini.

Watermelon -- can you believe it?

In my day, martinis were made with gin.

Vodka was the big experiment.

Saul?

Would you please stop looking over there?

This is ridiculous.

This is not an easy situation, Holly.

I understand that.

But I don't wanna be anxious every time I go out on a date.

Is that what tonight is, a date?

Well, if such a thing is possible.

Of course, it's possible.

You look beautiful tonight.

Thank you.

I was beginning to think I got all dressed up for nothing.

You look just the way you looked when you made "Girls A-Go-Go."

"Girls A-Go-Go"?

You did not see that movie!
- I did.

No! Oh...

I wish that I could rent

old movies of you, Saul.

You're such an enigma.
- The movies would be boring.

Just because you've led a fabulous life,

don't imagine that everyone else has.

I think you mythologize me, sometimes, Saul.

I'm really very ordinary.

Hardly.

For a long time, I didn't know about you and William.

There are probably so many things we didn't know,

so many secrets he only shared with you.

We loved each other very much.

That's the only secret I know.

Yeah.

Look, I-I didn't mean to infer that I could never--

No, no, Holly, please, I understand. It's all right.

You want to have another drink?

Sure.

This time I'm gonna have a proper martini.

With me, coming out was never an issue.

I was so gay so quickly,

there was no use in arguing with anybody about it.

With you, I imagine it was more like pulling teeth.

No, I was -- I was just a late bloomer, that's all.

I didn't come into this world loving clothes

or musical theater.

I was keeping it all pretty much to myself until senior year

when I hooked up with this guy Danny McCullough in his attic.

Why are you whispering?

I'm -- I'm not.

Anyway, um, Danny's older sister, Abigail,

was best friends with Kitty, and that Halloween

Danny decided to dress up as a French chamber maid.
- Nice.

Abigail, no fool, figures things out.

She and Danny have a heart-to-heart.

Of course, Danny tells her everything.

Abigail tells Kitty.

Kitty-bum-bum-bum confronts me.
- What did you do?

What could I do? I couldn't very well deny it.

I made her swear a vow of secrecy, but by Christmas,

she told all my brothers and sisters.

Anyway, when I finally told Mom, she immediately joined

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.
- Oh...

No, no, "oh." I became her cause celebre.

I was an exchange student in my own home.

How did you get so cute?

I was born this way.

What's your excuse?

*When you're gone all the colors fade*

*When you're gone*

*No New Year's Day parade*

*You're gone*

*Colors seem to fade*

*Colors seem to fade*

I love this part.

when you look at someone and they don't look away.

Could you please pass the chutney?

Hello.

Who are you?

You couldn't be my brother, could you?

Not if you're here with her tonight.

And who might you be?

You look like my sister

but, of course, that's impossible.

You see, my sister's husband just died,

and you seem to be on a date.

I am not here on a date. That is Dave the contractor.

Whereas you are here on a date.

If I am, then you are.
- No, the difference is

you told me you had feelings for her.

I never told you I had feelings for Dave the contractor.

We are sitting at that table, minding our own business.

What do you want from me?

Fine. Shut up, then. We're both grown-ups.

I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

David...

I hope you don't take this the wrong way,

but would you drive me home tonight?

I seem to have had too many modern martinis.

Of course I will.

I'm sorry, David.

This is the first date I've had in 40 years.

I'm just a little bit nervous.

Nora, I hope there--

there isn't a misunderstanding here.

We've had lunch together over a hundred times,

and I didn't think this was any different.

No! Oh, no!

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, I was teasing. It was a joke.

I don't know where my comic timing is tonight.

Psst. Gone.

All right, I just gave her the shot and read her a story,

and lucky for you, you're not being charged for either.

Oh, thank you. You know, after witnessing

your miraculous talents the other night,

I figured Paige would appreciate the surprise.

Well, there is more where that came from.

What's that?

This is saline solution. Don't worry. It's harmless.

Is it for Paige?

Nope, it's for you. You're gonna inject me.

You haven't given her a shot yet, have you?

She's my daughter. I don't want to hurt her.

You're gonna hurt her, Sarah.

The first 10, 15 times, you're gonna hurt her.

But after the 20th time, you know, you start to get

the hang of it, and after a month,

you know, she won't even notice.

But you're never gonna get there if you don't give her the shot.

So come here. All right, the first thing

you wanna do is grab the skin, right?

You want to go in perpendicular, but the trick is

to prick fast and deep just like you're popping a balloon.

You got it. Fast and deep.

How was that?

Awful.

But I have, uh, some more saline solution,

So, uh, you get two or three more shots at this.

Justin, you're...

the greatest brother in the world, blah, blah, blah.

I just want to make you feel guilty for all the times

you made me dress up in Mom's clothes.

That wasn't me. That was Kitty. I just painted your toenails.

OK, just...easy.

Pop like a balloon.

Jonathan, please, you have been on the cell phone all night.

I'm trying to apologize.

I'm trying to explain what happened tonight. I--

Do you really want to talk about it?

You want to talk about our double date

with that jerk you slept with?

You want to talk about taking me

to the same restaurant you went to with him?

I expected that passive-aggressive crap

from your mother, Kitty.

So, what's the deal? Is it genetic?
- I'm sorry. You're right.

I've done everything I can possibly do

to make this relationship work, and I keep waiting

for some sort of good-faith effort from you,

and what I get is a night like tonight.
- I'm so sorry.

I'm trying the best I can --

I don't--
- All this stuff: your job, living in two separate cities,

Warren, your family; we could get past all of that.

But I'm not sure any of that is the real problem.

Maybe we're the problem.

Look, I'm still on New York time.

Let's get some sleep.

We'll talk about it in the morning.

I never know what to do after a date in L.A.

People always just drive around,

but that's what everyone does all day,

and with the cost of gas...

or you can go to an outdoor mall and walk around.

I always feel like I'm in a theme park,

and I get depressed I'm not in a real city like New York.

Well, it's -- it's late, so I'll take you home.

I don't know what happened in there,

but it was just a kiss.

I got a little anxious, that's all.

And before you say anything,

this has nothing to do with me being gay. I'm not--

I'm not comfortable with public displays of affection.

I wouldn't be if I was straight.

Well, that's impossible to know, and I don't believe you anyway.

Well, unfortunately, some of us were raised

in a more reserved world, Scotty.
- You're not reserved.

You're just tragically tangled up in your own homophobia.

"Homophobia"? Wow. You-- you really don't know me.

What's not to know? Your mother is a friend

to lesbian and gay people everywhere.

I know you're out at work.

You probably go to benefits with lots of other gay men

where you kiss each other on the cheeks,

and I'm sure you get lots of phone numbers.

But when you get home,

more nights than not, you're alone...

because the one place

you don't feel comfortable and secure is in your own skin.

I can read you like a comic book, Kevin Walker,

two pages at a time.
- Can I tell you what your problem is now?

Fire away.

You're impatient.

If you really did understand me, you'd know not to kiss me

in the middle of an Indian restaurant

while I'm still working on goat curry.

All you had to do was wait until we got to the car.

You should let people mature on their own terms.

And no, you didn't just compare me to a comic book.
- But I love comic books.

Come on, I'll drive you home.

Hi.

Can't sleep.

Stupid wind.

What are you watchin'?

"Little Women."

It's the original. It's almost over.

I'm sorry I picked a fight

with you earlier.

I've forgotten about it already.

The whole evening is a haze of alcohol and mortification.

Do you remember that speech you made

about how you hate all my boyfriends?

Yes, only because I practice it so often.

Well, I need your help, Mom.

I, um...

I don't konw what to do about Jonathan.

What if he's another guy that I picked

because he looks good on paper,

or we look good on paper?

To be fair, he looks pretty good in a towel, too.

Do you really think that I don't love him?

Kitty, I think you love Jonathan the most

when he's about to leave.

Mmm.

Tell him the truth, Kitty.

It's the best advice a mother can ever give,

'cause it's always right.

Do you know what the truth is?

No.

Well, I can't help you there.

Thanks.

OK.

When did you see Jonathan in a towel?

I opened the door without knocking once.

You've gotta stop thinking of Ojai as a fruit company.

The orchards, the processing plant, the canneries--

the margins on all of these are too low.

The gold mine is your distribution.

Why? Because even though it's 15% of your business,

it's the 15% you're great at.

You seel the orchards.

You make it contractural in the sale

that they use Ojai as their distributor.

I had my boys in New York work up a spreadsheet

for projected growth. Take a look. See what you think.

So, Sarah, tell me, are you on board with this?

Jonathan went through things on the phone with me last night.

I can't argue any of it. It's kind of brilliant

in its simplicity.
- Well, I'm sorry to reorganize and run.

Got some business myself.

Jonathan, I can't tell you how lucky we feel

to have you helping us with this.
- It's been a pleasure.

Thank you, Jon-- Oh, come here. Thank you.

I've never been crazy about any of Kitty's boyfriends,

but you I love.

I'll be right back.

You were right.

I was afraid to make a decision.

This is gonna cause a lot of pain,

and I just wasn't up for it.

Seems to be a re-ocurring issue with me at the moment.

We all have issues.

For instance, I have a hard time accepting

how handsome I am.

You have an issue with your little brother.

That's between me and Justin.

He really needs you, Tommy.
- Sarah, don't--

OK.
- Not today.

OK.

So, um...

We have to tell the employees.

I'll take care of them.
- Thank you.

You gotta tell Mom.

How am I gonna do that?

Hi.

I...

I wanted to apologize for last night.

Why-- why didn't you just call?

I felt like I should...say this in person.

I assumed things about you I had no right to.

I mean, I'm judging you for air-kissing people at benefits I don't even get invited to. Frankly, I couldn't afford them.

What I really want to say is, I like you,

and I feel completely and totally out of my league.

Frankly, I feel like such a loser when I'm with you.

Well, that's a whole other conversation.

That's my homework.

Scotty...stop talking.

You were right about everything.

And frankly, I'm relieved you're not as wildly evolved

as you seem.

It can be very...intimidating.

We're doing that "not look away" thing again

you like so much.

Hi, Mrs. Berrymen.

OK, thanks.

I'm kidding. Get in here.

Hey.

How was your meeting?

It ran a little long.

Who was it with again?

Just some old friends.

They have a company that needs some help.

And did you help them?

I don't know.

Sometimes I have to remember

that not all businesses want to be saved

and the hardest thing is knowing when to give up.

That's what you want, isn't it?

Now I know.

I don't want to be with you, Jonathan,

just because I don't want to be alone.

We go out for dinner, and-- and we talk about politics

and we talk about business,

and it works.

But it's like the difference between looking good

and feeling good.

That's funny, because all this time,

that's what I've been trying to do:

is make you feel good.

It's not your fault.

I just have to figure out how to be on my own.

I don't think you'll have any trouble

being alone, Kitty.

What you need to figure out is how to let somebody in.

I should pack.

Hey, Mom.

Hey.

I saw the light on.

You scared again?

No. No, I'm not scared.

Well, this book would scare you.

The things this government does in the name of democracy.

Mom...

Not now.

Oh.

Jonathan?

Mm-hmm.

He's gone.

You know what?

Sometimes the fairy tales I read to you

when you were a kid,

it was so hard because I knew they were not true.

Mom, you never read us fairy tales.

You read us op-ed pieces from the "Times."

I-I read you--

Oh, you kids never remember anything right.

Oh.

Mm. Never gonna get used to that.

You want to stay here tonight?

Can I?

Of course you can. Come on.

OK.

Ooh. Come here.

There you are.

Close your eyes.

Oh, listen to the wind.

You're safe.