Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013–…): Season 4, Episode 11 - The Fugitive, Part 1 - full transcript

(SONG PLAYING ON HEADPHONES)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What the hell?

Man, they forgot
my pico de gallo.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, love the shirt, Jake.

Lilith Fair '98
had the best lineup.

Meshell Ndegeocello
crushed it that year.

Thank you, Boyle,
but this is not my shirt.

I slept at Amy's,
and I spilled ranch dressing on mine.

Don't you have a drawer full of
clothes at her place by this point?



Yeah, I spilled ranch dressing
all over the drawer.

What's so hard to understand
about this, guys?

Why don't you two
move in together already?

I thought you were
planning to. We are.

We just haven't decided

whose apartment
we're going to live in.

I think Jake
should move into mine,

because it's bigger, nicer,
and isn't covered in black mold.

"Black" mold, Amy? Not cool.

Right, Terry?
What?

I rest my case.

Besides, my place is cheaper
and it's in a cooler neighborhood.

Yeah. That neighborhood is
technically called Cobblestink.

All right, everyone.
Listen up.



We have a situation.

Ten minutes ago, a prison van
overturned on Nevins Street.

It was carrying nine convicts
who are now at large.

It's our job to bring them in.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is a manhunt.

(GASPS) A manhunt.

Okay, what I want from each
and every one of you

is a hard-target search

of every gas station,
residence,

warehouse,
farmhouse, henhouse,

outhouse, and doghouse
in the area.

Your fugitive's name
is Dr. Richard Kimble.

There must be
some sort of error.

There are nine fugitives,

and none of them
are named Kimble.

I didn't kill my wife!
What?

No, you're supposed
to go, "I don't care!"

I don't care.
Let the manhunt begin.

Patrol officers have secured
a 10-block perimeter.

All civilians are
being evacuated.

Here's what the convicts
were in for,

arson, kidnapping,
racketeering,

assault and battery,
forgery and counterfeiting,

triple homicide.

Whoo!

What? I'm not excited
about the murders.

I'm excited about
the chance to avenge them.

You guys are the
weird ones. (SNORTS)

Diaz, I want you here with me
interviewing witnesses.

The rest of you will search the
secured area in the following teams.

Santiago, Boyle. Jeffords
and Peralta. Get to work.

Okay. We'll start
south of Nevins.

You two start at Bond,
and we'll rendezvous in the middle,

assuming, of course,
Boyle and I

haven't already caught all the
fugitives by the time you two show up.

Amy, there are nine hardened
criminals running free in the streets.

This is hardly the time
for childish trash talk.

It's time for a bet.

A crazy-ass bet.
What are you thinking?

Whoever catches the most
fugitives gets to keep their apartment.

Loser moves in
with the winner.

All right. I'm in.

I hope you like sleeping in a
bed with a thousand pillows.

Well, I hope you like sharing
my one gray towel.

Was it gray when you
bought it? I didn't buy it.

It was in the apartment
when I moved in.

Are you sure you don't want
to just move in with me?

We already shook on it.
The bet stands.

Prepare to die, and by "die,"
I mean move in with me. Here we go.

Uh, I get that the streets are empty,
but slow down, man.

Terry forgot his Dramamine.

Stakes are high, Sarge.

I know it doesn't
matter to you,

but I really
want to beat Amy.

"Doesn't matter"? Look,
I am completely on board.

You need your own space.

I had a painting
studio in my apartment.

Was this in the '90s?

Did you wear
overalls and no shirt?

Every chance I got.
(GASPS)

But then I moved in with Sharon,
and then the kids came along.

You know where I
have to paint now?

My acrylics!

I am not going to
let you lose this bet.

The march toward the closet
starts with a single step.

Cool. So, basically
just telling me

not to get married
and have kids.

Anything from dispatch?

Security footage from a
bank near the accident.

Two fugitives ran past
going north toward Flatbush.

Looks like the arsonist
and the gunrunner.

Let's go after
the arsonist first.

I thought of the perfect thing
to say when we catch him

that no one else could ever
possibly... "You're burned"?

No.

Initial reports had
one of the fugitives

heading south
on Lincoln Place.

On it.

So, I know you're
Jake's best friend, and...

Did he say that?
Did you get that on tape?

No.
No, he didn't say that,

or no, you didn't
get it on tape?

Doesn't matter. Either way,
you screwed up big time.

Anyway, all I'm saying is I
know you're Jake's best friend

and you really want
him to win this bet.

Are you kidding?
That's the last thing I want.

Jake moving in with you
is my dream come true.

Your apartment is two
blocks away from mine.

Jake will be able
to pop by any time.

(GASPS) Imagine it.

He's had a tough day.
He's fighting with Amy.

You know how you
let things escalate.

So, he just walks over to my place,
bottle of wine in hand,

and we just talk it out.

And then by the time
that bottle's finished,

you've come to your
senses and apologized.

Maybe I don't
want to win this bet.

Okay, we need to figure out

whether this crash
was an accident

or part of
a deliberate escape plan.

Gina, I need you
manning the tip line.

(LAUGHS) Good luck
talking to the crazies.

"Crazies"?

Oh, Rosa. Sad Rosa.

Have some respect
for your fellow human beings.

What has gotten into you?

Solange just posted a video of a
Kenyan human rights activist, Abdala,

and I realized he and I
are the only two people

that can save the world.

I'm so excited.

Okay, Diaz, there were
only two witnesses

who were close enough
to the crash to see something.

One's on his way here already.
His name is Marshawn Lynch.

(GASPS) Marshawn Lynch?
Marshawn Lynch the football player?

I don't know his hobbies. It
just says here he's unemployed.

Retired.

We're not getting
anything out of him.

He's always getting fined for refusing
to talk to the press. (CHUCKLES)

He's kind of
one of my heroes.

Well, it may be tough,
and it may take a while,

but I'm sure we'll
get him to open up.

Sir, there are some vaults
you just can't open.

I ain't seen anything.

I was eating my quesadilla.

It was a good one.
Chicken, cheese, guac.

But they forgot
my pico de gallo.

I remember when I
was a little boy,

my mama used to make this,
uh... She used to call it "fo' cheese."

What y'all call it?
Y'all call it "four"?

How come they never make
quesadillas with sausage?

You throw some
tomato sauce in there

and call it a pizza-dilla.
What you think?

What is going on?

This one time, I tried to wait up all
night to catch Santa Claus, right?

You know how they tell you you got
to put the cookies and the milk out?

I don't really be
telling nobody this,

but I like to sleep
with the fan on,

even when it's chilly outside.

All about that
white noise, baby.

Stop. Stop talking,
Marshawn Lynch.

Did you see anything
after the van crashed,

yes or no?

Nope. Like I told you,
I was just eating my quesadilla.

Have I talked to y'all about
my pizza-dilla invention?

Yes, well, um, I have
other matters to attend to.

So, Detective Diaz,

um, just take down everything
Mr. Lynch has to say.

Captain...
(DOOR CLOSES)

Do you think he'll
let me shoot his gun?

Jake, look.

You think it's our guys?

Maybe. But this is New York,

so there's a very strong
chance it's just "city blood."

NYPD! Freeze!
Freeze!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the precinct
escaped convict number one!

Terry, where's the music?
That was the cue.

I didn't have that
Queen song on my phone.

And I wasn't going
to pay $1.99 for it.

Nice work,
man. You can put your perp in holding

with the other three convicts.

Wait. Other three?

HOLT: Yeah. Santiago and
Boyle brought them in.

SANTIAGO: That's right.
It's three to one.

Guess you won't be
needing this anymore

since you'll be
moving in with me.

My towel.
Yeah, your towel.

Why won't it burn?

Because it never fully dries.

The towel lives,
and so do we!

Santiago, how did you guys
catch three perps so quickly?

They weren't even
close to each other.

Given the magnitude
of the situation,

we were given full access to
any and all department resources.

That's right.

We took a little trip down
to the tactical supply armory.

No, you did not!

Thermal imaging, baby.

Thermal imaging baby?

Very handy in
fugitive hunting.

Also...

I got this Flo-Tech
performance polo

with moisture-wicking
technology.

Kept me dry all morning.

And a dry boy is a smart boy.

Ugh! He keeps saying that.

Charles, you've gotten negative
reactions from everyone who's heard it.

I needed to see what Jake thought. Oh,
I hated it.

Really?

Anyway, gentlemen,
we are off to catch some more convicts.

Two more, and we win.

Huh, just two? Pfft.

No sweat. Literally.

Get out of here. Take
those glass cutters with you.

These lil' ol' things?

(IMITATES STEAM HISSING)

What? Why'd you put
your finger in the middle?

Uh, excuse me, ma'am. I was wondering
if you could answer some questions

about that car accident
you witnessed this morning.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

What's she trying to
tell us? I don't know.

Probably "Never
meet your heroes,

"'cause they're going
to turn out to be friendly."

You need to get over this
Marshawn Lynch situation real quick.

Now, we just have to figure out
what language she's speaking

so we can find a translator.

Uh, here, ma'am.

Take a look at
this map of the world.

You just keep one
of those on you?

Of course, in case I ever need
to prove my point in an argument.

Laos.
Fine!

Oh, it was better than fine.

It was Laos.

Mmm.
So, where are you from?

Uh, where did you grow up?

Where were you born?

What are you
miming there, sir?

A child tying his tie.
Uh-huh.

I... I'm trying to do a simple Half
Windsor so she knows I'm a baby.

Look at this. See
how basic this knot is?

I love these
thermal goggles.

Amy, listen to me
very carefully.

If you and Jake are
thinking of trying,

you are ovulating
like crazy right now.

You take that helmet off
before I knock it off.

What? Your basal temperature
is off the charts.

This is a good thing.

Boyle.

NYPD! Get down!

No! Freeze!

BOYLE: Ah! The room's hot.
I'm blowing out.

This way. Come on.

Oh, come on! Where did
you guys even come from?

(HORN HONKS)
Your nightmares.

Hey, Amy,
allow me to introduce you to Big Bertha.

Okay, I guess I'm not worth
introducing to your truck.

That's right, y'all.
We went to Homeland Security.

Yep, this beauty
comes fully equipped

with thermal imaging,
a satellite link-up,

and she plugs in to every
surveillance camera in the city.

And she's also
got a holding cell,

which is big enough
for three perps.

Jake, counting this guy,
how many perps have we caught

and placed in
the three-perp perp cell?

Well, Sarge, we've placed three
perps in the three-perp perp cell.

So, the three-perp perp cell's
full? Full of three perps is the...

Okay, stop saying "perps"
and "cell" and "three."

You sound irritated.
What's the score now?

Are you guys still ahead?
Let me just check.

Oh, drone! Little help?

(DRONE WHIRRING)
Ah!

Yeah, I can't read that score.
What does it say?

Anyways, I'm sure
you're tracking

whatever
the score is.

All right, thank you, drone.
That'll be all.

Whoop! Didn't see
the tree there.

Big Bertha has a drone.
That's what's important.

What are you
trying to tell us?

Is this some
kind of a clue?

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Draw better. We have
no idea what this is.

I think it's a cookie.

No. It's a pizza.
(BOTH GASP)

It's a cookie pizza!
It's a cookie pizza!

HITCHCOCK:
Another case solved.

No. Detectives, we...
Shh.

Let them go.

She's taking us somewhere.

This is good.
This is good!

We're going to
crack this, Diaz.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

Nope. She just needed
to take a dump.

PERALTA: Okay,
satellite images showed

one of the two remaining
convicts entered this building.

If we catch him,
that's five. I win the bet.

Amy moves in with me.
I lord it over her.

She's miserable. We live
happily ever after. It's foolproof.

There's got to be 30
floors in this building.

It'll take forever to
sweep the whole place.

Nuh-uh. We can use Big Bertha
to tap into the security cameras.

Ah.
(BEEPING)

(CHUCKLING) Whoa!
Wow!

Okay. This room is clear,
but check that closet.

Man, this is like playing
the coolest video game ever.

My character is Terry.

It's locked.
Ooh, kick it down.

Front kick! Front kick!

All clear.
Now strafe. Strafe!

I don't know
what that means.

Barrel roll. Duck.
Duck?

Just tell me
where to go, man.

Wait a minute. Slide
one of your feet forward.

Now switch.

Now punch both your fists
forward at the same time.

Are you making me
do the running man?

Yeah, the original one!

Excluding the movie. And
Stephen King's classic short story.

So, the third iteration.

I'm going off on my own.

He has sentience.
It's Westworld.

Oh, wait a minute,
Sarge. I don't have eyes on that room.

Hang on. I'll find it.

Oh, no. Sarge, just hang on.
I'm coming for you.

Drop the weapon.

You drop your weapon.

Okay, stay cool.

We can work this out. I'm a
trained hostage negotiator.

I got my friend's sperm back
from his ex-wife last year.

Well, she destroyed
half of it,

and he decided
to adopt, but...

Peralta.
Right. Sorry.

What do you want?

You let me walk out of this
building and get into a car.

If anyone tries to stop...
(GRUNTS) Got him.

Well, what do you know,
I believe that makes it four to four.

No. No! You don't get
credit for this guy.

I was in the middle
of negotiating,

and he was about to give up.
Tell him, guy.

No, I was probably going to kill him,
then let you kill me.

Oh, my God. Oh,
I should've been way more scared.

Well, there's just
one convict left.

Whoever finds him wins.

Yeah. I guess
you could say he's...

The Golden Snitch.

Wait. Was that
a Harry Potter reference?

It most definitely was. I started reading
them 'cause you love them so much.

And? You were right.
They're incredible.

Remember when I called in
sick the other day?

I was at home reading
Order of the Phoenix.

(GASPS) This makes
me so happy!

How sad is it
when Cedric dies?

I was crushed. Literally
crying on the toilet.

(SIGHS)
Guys. The fugitive. The bet?

Right.

I'm going to catch this last fugitive,
win the bet,

and then we're
going to live together

for the rest of
our relationship.

Just you and me and
towel makes three.

Cool. Cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.

Just so you know, at the end
of the sixth book, Snape kills...

La-la-la-la!

No spoilies!
Terry, let's go.

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

That really sounds Slavic.

Does anyone here know
any Slavic languages?

Oh, I'm great at languages.
Watch this.

Hello! I am Hitchcock!

Thank you for
the cookie-pizza idea!

I believe it was human rights
leader Abdala who once said,

"When the choir
shouts the loudest,

"the most
powerful one is silent."

That doesn't
even make any sense.

Well, I might have
paraphrased it incorrectly.

But allow me to introduce
to you Rob. Rob, come on in.

He called the tip line.

But he's so...
Not crazy-looking.

Rosa, have Abdala and I taught
you nothing about stereotyping?

I'm beginning to feel like you're
our biggest project, sweetie.

Enough.
What did he tell you?

Well, let's find out,
okay? Together.

Rob, do you want to share
your experience with the group?

Gladly.

Okay, so, you know how
there's a subterranean race

of lizard-people
living beneath the city

who control our minds
with their pheromones?

Okay, he's a wackadoodle. Gina,
get your wackadoodle out of here.

JEFFORDS: It's been two hours,
and nothing on the last guy.

He's going to get away.

Where are you,
number nine?

Think.

If I was an escaped murderer,
where would I hide? (GASPS)

Where?
Oh, I have no idea.

I just thought if I gasped I could
force an epiphany. And I did.

No, that didn't work either.
Or did it? Still no.

Unless...
Stop it, Jake!

Well, Marshawn Lynch
will not leave your office.

He has now pulled up
one of those wedding proposal

viral videos on his
phone and is crying.

What did I do
to deserve this?

Well, I haven't
fared any better.

She keeps drawing her
stupid circle pictures

and then running
off to the bathroom.

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

We get it.
You have a bum-tum. Yes.

Ugh! You think you
guys have it rough?

I've been stuck here listening to
crazy Rob spew his insane garbage.

What happened to your
positive attitude, Abdala?

Don't even say
the name, all right?

I tweeted him
and got nothing.

Meanwhile, Rob tweets him
some crap about lizard-people,

he's like, "Ooh, retweet,
ooh, fave," everything.

ROB: I just told him
I saw one of them

slip back into his lizard home
under the streets.

That's where they
make their soup.

Oh, my God.
He's onto something.

Captain, don't try to be nice
by giving a crazy person a voice.

Plus, we've already learned
that human rights are crap.

No, he said that the
lizard-people live under the streets.

He means the sewers.

He saw someone go from
the van into the sewers.

Look.

It's a manhole cover.

(BOTH SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

HOLT: (OVER RADIO)
Peralta, Santiago?

Yeah, we're here.
Us, too, Captain.

We have a lead. One of our
witnesses saw the last convict,

George Gessilnick,
the murderer,

go down into a manhole

and escape into the
sewer near the crash site.

Copy that.
We're on it.

Yeah, so are we.
We're also on it.

(TIRES SCREECHING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)

JEFFORDS: What...
(PERALTA CHUCKLES)

Back it up a little bit.

(REVERSE SIGNAL BEEPING)

Forward.

Back.
(REVERSE SIGNAL BEEPING)

Forward.

Back.
(REVERSE SIGNAL BEEPING)

Forward.

Back.
(REVERSE SIGNAL BEEPING)

Forward.

And we're good to go!

Whoa! Almost
clipped the mailbox.

(CHUCKLES) Close call.

Oh, please let this muck be water,
please let this muck be water.

I won't be able to
hug Nikolaj for a month.

He doesn't have
all his shots yet.

(SHUSHING)

I think I heard something.

PERALTA: I can't believe
Leonardo lived in this.

I mean, Michelangelo I get.
He's kind of a sloppy dude.

But Leo is so fastidious.
Jake, shut up.

Sarge, we're in a sewer. I'm
goin'st to talk about the Turtles.

No, Jake. Shut up.
I hear something.

PERALTA: NYPD! Freeze!

NYPD! Keep your hands
where we can see them.

BOTH: You have the right
to remain silent.

BOTH: Anything you say can be
used against you in a court of law.

BOTH: You have
the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed for you.

Why did you stop?

I'm done. You win.

What?
I love you.

I want to move in to
your apartment. Really?

I love you, too.

Oh, my God,
what a beautiful moment.

And, you guys,
Amy's ovulating as we speak!

PERALTA: What?
Charles!

All right, head to the back.
You're going to jail.

(SIGHS)
SANTIAGO: Hey.

I don't get it. Why did
you decide to let me win?

I don't know...

When we were back there
racing through the Miranda rights,

I just looked over
at you and thought,

you're awesome,
and you're good at doing things.

I mean, sure,
I'll miss towel,

but your happiness is worth way
more than winning some stupid bet.

Are you sure about this?
Oh, yeah.

Your apartment is better than
mine in every way imaginable.

You know what my
first thought was

when we dropped
into the sewer?

Smells like home.

Oh.
JEFFORDS: He's lying, Amy.

His first thought was
about the Ninja Turtles.

Come on, Terry.
We were in a sewer.

He's gon'sta think
about the Turtles.

Yeah, I'm gon'sta, Terry.

Quit being such a Malfoy.
Yeah, Terry.

Guys, we have a problem.

He's not our convict.

What? The guy in
the orange jumpsuit

that we found hiding in
the sewer is not our convict?

He's our van driver.

A man came to me last week.

He told me I had to help
Gessilnick escape from jail.

He had pictures of my family. He
said he'd kill them if I didn't help.

So, I crashed the van,
and Gessilnick took my clothes.

But then where's the guy
we thought was the van driver?

He vanished.

George Gessilnick, posing as a
Department of Corrections driver,

was taken to the hospital,
where he escaped some hours later.

He's highly dangerous, probably armed,
and could be anywhere.

Detective Diaz has
some background information

to help in the search.

So, this is one scary dude.

We don't have a complete
rap sheet on him

because he's had
so many aliases,

but we know he's killed
at least five people.

He's been in the system
since he was 11.

That's when he stole $4,000
from his foster family

and burned their house down.

Wait a minute.
This is the foster family?

Yeah. Why? Did you
see who the brother is?

I need to get
a message to somebody.

This is very important. Tell him
Jake Peralta wants to see him.

I'm not after him.
I just need his help.

Hello?

I followed all your rules.

I'm unarmed.
I'm not wearing a wire.

I came alone.
There's no backup.

Come on, man. I need your
help to take down your brother.

Doug Judy.
The Pontiac Bandit.

What's up, man?