Broad City (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 2 - Episode #5.2 - full transcript
Since consciously uncoupling
from Deals, Deals, Deals,
I've been catering regularly and
babysitting whenever I need dat cash.
Although I was making
an ass-load of money at
Sushi Mambeaux until
they got shut the eff down
for a gnarly bed bugs infestation.
I'm clean now. I'm... I'm fully clean.
Uh, wow, uh, usually, we don't get
everybody's back story.
That's, uh, surprising.
Living on the edge.
To circle back...
We have medium-speed Wi-Fi,
draft beer on tap...
Okay, what?
Girl, I hope I get to work here!
So do we!
It'd be $500 a month.
Okay, I was thinking more like $1,000.
Whoa, that would get you
a way bigger office.
All right, I'm just gonna say it.
Does this mean I'm freakin' hired?
Hired?
Aren't you renting an office space?
I thought I was interviewing for
the office manager position?
We're the office manager.
Is this...
Yeah, 495 Broadway.
490.
Pffft!
Classic me.
Whoop! Sorry!
Also, got to say... what an hysterical
business model to brand this as, like,
a shared co-working space
when really you're
storing people in what
are essentially closets
after luring them in with these, like,
seemingly high-end perks,
but it's also, like,
a bag of beer in a trash can
under a counter.
YouWork is a multi-
billion-dollar corporation.
That is fucking genius.
Guys, don't waste my time
like this again.
Nice meeting you.
Uh, okay, Fernando, I swear I don't know
why it keeps getting clogged.
Listen, lady, toilet paper's
not gonna make it through
these old pipes, much less your tampons
and maxi pads with wings for heavy flow.
Okay, first of all, I have
an extra-heavy flow.
Second of all, I don't flush my tampons
and pads down the toilet.
Third of all, you're saying
I can't flush toilet paper?
Well, if you must wipe,
well, the other residents
use a separate garbage can
for their used toilet paper,
and they don't make a stink about it.
Stink.
So I can't poop, wipe,
and flush in my own apartment?
I mean, that's some third-world shit.
You mean developing nation.
I-I-I did mean that.
That is... That is right.
Well, I grew up using a shit bucket.
And I did not mean that in a bad way.
I meant it in a great way.
Growing up like that is dope.
You know what? I'm gonna get one.
I'm just gonna get one.
I'll get a shit bucket.
All right, got some snacks, dawg, yeah.
All right, where the fuck
was this interview supposed to be?
Shit, phone...
I love this city.
Sorry.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Oh, no.
I just moved here.
Cool.
All right, all right, all right!
All right.
Geez.
Linda freakin' Lodi?
Linda!
Linda, hey!
Hey, It's Ilana Wexler!
I used to work for you
at your temp agency!
- Ilana?
- Come on over!
That's so crazy.
- Hey!
- Ilana, hi!
Oh, my gosh.
So, how are you?
Good, good. I'm just, uh, working
over there in that coffee shop.
What are you working on?
Oh, well, I'm working on my screenplay.
"We Lost Grandma at the Water Park."
That sounds hilarious.
Oh, well, it's a...
it's a drama, actually.
Dope. Dope.
But, uh, it's good. It's good.
I just... the only thing is
I have to keep an eye on
my stuff and my son every time
I want to take a smoke break.
I mean, they didn't used
to kick us out of places
for smoking in the '90s, right?
You know, I never thought
about it like that.
Anti-smoking is discriminatory.
I just want a place
where I can work and smoke.
You know, Linda, today
might be your lucky day
because I have a situation
starting up here where you can
sit and smoke and charge your
phone and your devices and work,
and you never have to let your
belongings leave your sight.
Whoa, that actually
sounds kind of perfect.
Um, well, uh, how much do you charge?
We are charging...
50 cents a minute.
You know what? I'll take it.
Here.
40 minutes... 45, I'll give ya.
All right, awesome.
I'll go get my stuff.
Yes, awesome, get your stuff,
and then come back.
Abbi!
- Man, I got you again!
- Every time, man.
Come on, girl. Bring it in.
Hoo!
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Pshh!
So, what you looking for, Abb?
Okay, so, this is
a little bit embarrassing,
but my building's pre-World War I
in the plumbing,
and it's, like, really...
Say no more. Bath accessories.
Dope, dude, thanks.
Great seeing you.
You too. Holla at me, Abb!
Hey, dude, I'm in
the middle of trying to find
this thing at BB&B.
Hold up, you're at BB&B, Abbi?
Can you grab me six power strips
and six extension cords
and meet me at that place
where that dude gave you
that condom stat?
Well, I was gonna say stuff, too.
Holy shit bucket.
Dude, what is all of this?
Welcome to SheWork.
We are officially open for shiz-ness.
What is SheWork?
SheWork is an inclusive work environment
that caters to smokers.
I see a bunch of... no offense...
trash furniture and two people
smoking cigarettes.
Walk with me.
So, SheWork uses the urban landscape for
a fast-paced work space
with no boundaries.
Huh. If parkour is using the city
as your gym, SheWork is using
the city as your office.
So, correct me if I'm wrong.
People are paying you
to use the free
public charging stations?
So what? All the great
male entrepreneurs do it, okay?
They take something that already exists,
claim it was their idea,
throw in some fancy furniture,
and charge double for it.
For letting people
sit on your junk and smoke?
Exactly.
Wait, Ilana, hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Smoking cigarettes is disgusting.
Okay, smoking is obvs heinous...
But who am I to judge
a nicotine addiction?
I mean, I'm... fully addicted to weed.
True. Okay, you got the stuff.
I thank you, bitch. Oh, yeah.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Great, thank you so much.
And, actually,
a trash can is the only thing
we don't need here at SheWork.
No, no, no. This is actually mine,
uh, my shit bucket, so...
Come again?
It... It's my shit bucket.
Pardon me?
My... I had to get a shit bucket.
Okay, um...
Who, what, how, when, where, and why?
Okay, it's a funny story.
Uh, you know how my toilet is
always getting clogged.
Pfft. Yeah.
Um, so, Fernando actually
let me know that I can't
flush toilet paper anymore,
and actually I have to
discard it in a separate bin
right next to the toilet.
So what'd you say to him?
So, then I said... I said...
I said, "Fernando,
I will get that shit bucket."
That's what I said,
and I got... I got one.
Oh, Abbi. Dude, I was, like...
I was standing there, and I was just,
like, so stunned by what was going on,
I got bullied into buying a shit bucket.
You know, and I think
we should take this issue
into the community-action
wing of SheWork.
- Oh, wow, is there whole other...?
- Come on.
Okay. Oh.
So, we have to review our resources.
Okay.
- The printer/scanner.
- So, there's a scanning function.
What you're gonna do is scan
your tits, or your ass.
Make a shit ton of copies.
Disseminate them to all your neighbors
but get this... anonymously.
Everybody's like, "What's going on?"
Whose tits are these?
Meanwhile, you've
planted a stack of the tits
in Fernando's office,
and you pipe up, and you say,
"You know, I-I think it
might be Fernando,
and while we're on the topic,
why are we shitting in buckets?"
SheWork... boosh!
Dude, you are so close on that.
Okay, what if I print out
a petition, okay?
Uh-huh. I go around to my neighbors,
and I'm like, "Guys,
this is an important issue."
We shouldn't be shitting
in shit buckets, okay?"
I get the full signed petition,
take it back to Fernando,
and I'm like, "Majority rules, man.
Change is coming."
Ooh, you are full-blown grassroots.
You are the Alexandria
Ocasio-Cortez of Astoria.
You're the Jewish
Shirley Chisholm of toilets.
Yes, I am gonna shit
in my toilet and flush.
Yes. Go get your bucket
and take care of your shit.
Come on.
Take care of your shit.
I love you, Abb.
Ah, and I love SheWork.
Miss, hi.
Are you sick of being
treated like a filthy outsider
at work because of your
tragic smoking habit?
How's that Wi-Fi working, L.L.?
Ha, ha. Charging Station-Guest
is coming in clear as day.
You know, we are growing
rapidly, and I'm starting to
have to focus on expansion,
so would you feel comfortable
watching the fort?
Would I?
No, I-I was asking...
Hello, um, my name is
Abbi Abrams, and...
I don't want to buy
any Girl Scout Cookies.
No, no, no.
I-I'm not a Girl Scout anymore.
I'm a grown...
I-I'm actually your neighbor.
I'm just going around
letting everyone know
that I'm having a tenant meeting
today in the lobby...
I have lived in this
building for 31 years,
and I've never seen you.
Well...
Wait, are you Melody's roommate?
You know Melody? Yes.
She dates that wonderful young man
who always brings me delicious cheeses.
That's, um... That's Bevers.
They're the loveliest.
I love them, as well.
Um, and I'm actually
walking around today
to talk about the shit... to talk about
the plumbing problem in the building.
How old are you?
I'm newly...
You hippies are the reason
that sandwiches
in this neighborhood cost $16
with your Sriracha and your oat milk.
What's wrong with cow milk?!
Well... Sheesh!
Cow's milk makes me have to shit!
Which is what I came here to talk
to you about in the first place.
Ooh, God, I'm rich.
This city's full of trash.
This is a very important
meeting of the building,
and I know you're looking
at me like I'm the hot, young
new kid on the block.
You're young?
I'm... I'm 30.
I've never seen her before.
Who buzzed her into the building?
I know you. 4H, right?
Yes. Thank you.
Oh, you're the chick who pegged Jeremy.
Yes, of course.
Okay, well...
I heard the moaning.
You got him good.
Sounded like an Earth-shattering orgasm.
Okay. Fine.
You got me.
I... I might've pegged Jeremy.
Okay, great. But, listen, guys.
Let's... Let's focus up, okay?
So, maybe, you know, I'm not young.
Great, I'm getting up there. Great.
And maybe you only know me
as the chick who pegged Jeremy.
I'm... I'm fine with that.
But allow me to help you, okay?
There's a better quality of life
that we can have, okay?
I-I-I'm in the city.
I'm riding the rails.
There are changes
that need to be made, okay?
I-I don't know much,
but this is what I do know.
This is what I do know!
We can be the change we wish to see.
Let's say "no" to shit buckets.
I love Jeremy.
If he let her peg,
we can probably trust her.
- All right.
- My man.
You are my man. Yes.
Listen, uh, let's take a quick pic,
'cause what is activism without
posting it on Instagram, right?
I don't know if it exists.
Yeah, great.
Yes!
Hello, Linda.
Ilana.
Did you notice I signed a new client?
Linda, you exquisite genius!
May I kiss you?
Y-Yes.
Mm, smoky.
So tender.
Fernando, thanks so much
for stopping by.
Why don't you take a seat.
It's good.
I called the city.
I told them everything.
I told them about the plumbing.
I told them about the heat.
I told them about every single thing
that needs fixing in this building.
Okay.
Change is gonna come, my friend.
I think you're gonna want
to take a look at this.
There you go.
This is not good.
Look.
Fernando, no disrespect
to your country...
I'm from Flushing.
I grew up 10 minutes from here.
I apologize.
I'll pass along your demands.
I'm the Rosa Parks of poop.
What?
How's everybody doing, huh?
Morty, you want a fresh one?
And, Ms. Katherine, anything for you?
Yes, girl.
Bev, anything?
She on a diet. I get it.
James, anything?
Got a birthday coming up.
Debbie, snack, smoke?
I'm not a business bitch.
I am a business, bitch!
SheWork, where your lungs are
your goddamn business.
Welcome to SheWork,
my privileged brothers.
We've already met.
You know, when you're running a company,
you meet a lot of people, so...
Listen, we've been watching you all
day, and this is getting out of hand.
Afraid we're gonna
have to shut you down.
SheWork is a woman-owned business
founded right here in New York City.
You can't shut us down.
Okay, yeah, hm, okay, yeah, go for it.
Yeah, let's see... Let's see how
it goes. Except I can promise you
that you're gonna see YouWork
start to trend hard...
but bad.
Because I hooked up
with someone very high up
in the human resources
department of Twitter once.
One second to side bar?
Would you like a conference room?
I don't want
to fuck with Twitter again.
I don't like the sound of that.
Plus we have to play them
in soccer this weekend.
Oh, my God.
We'd never hear the end of it.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
- Let's pay her off.
- Cute.
- Make her go away.
- Hundred bucks.
- Split it with you.
- Yep, I did it.
Hi.
We'll give you 100 bucks to go away.
You're hilarious.
What's your real offer?
- $100.
- $900.
- $100.
- $800.
- $100.
- $700.
- $100.
- $600.
- $100.
- $100.
Is this a...
$500, and that's my final offer.
Fine.
I guess we're not getting
a mani-mani-pedi.
Man. Yeah, yeah, mm, mm.
It's Friday. That's our thing.
I know it is, but it's okay.
We can skip it this one week.
Okay.
Wow, thank you.
Only in New York.
It is a genius idea, though.
Okay, guys, it's over.
Thank you for believing
in me and SheWork.
You made me realize
how beautiful yellow teeth
and brown finger nails and hair
that smells like soot can be,
so thank you for that.
All right, pack up and go home.
We had a good run.
I paid a week in advance.
You know, the market is just
so up and down, brother.
It's, you know, the market.
Bye, Ken.
Where's Ilana?
She's gone. I-It's over.
But I didn't even get
to apply for office manager.
Where's my computer?
Who took my computer?
My screenplay!
Christian?
Where's my kid?
Man, the beauty of that
bucket is that I'm squatting
so low to reach it, so I'm,
like, in Squatty Potty position.
It's almost like a two-for-one.
Hold on.
You shit inthe bucket?
You're only supposed to put
toilet paper in the bucket.
No, I know.
See...
Okay. Shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Hey, what's up?
Holy shit, Ilana, look at this.
"YouWork's innovative smoker's rooftop
results in a massive stock hike"?
Those assholes!
They stole my idea.
I knew I should've done an equity split.
You know what, dude? It's okay.
We are still two badass activated women.
I mean, Ilana, you founded
and sold a company in one day.
And I, like, mobilized
my people to form a mini,
like... s-small revolution
in my building!
That's right.
I mean, we can be
the change we wish to see
in the world if we... if we have a dream
and we rise to meet that dream
and we go high when they go low.
Oh, my God.
Dude, Fernando got fired?
Oh, no!
There's a new building manager?
Raising the rent in three months?!
Oh, what the fuck is this?
You like our sharp cheddar?
- I-I do. - Yeah, who doesn't?
It's the best cheese.
I'm... I'm obsessed with sharp cheddar.
So am I... me too. I...
He's taking it out of my...
out of my fridge,
- and he must be giving it to you.
- Well, they're very good.
Great. That's... I'm happy
someone's enjoying them.
from Deals, Deals, Deals,
I've been catering regularly and
babysitting whenever I need dat cash.
Although I was making
an ass-load of money at
Sushi Mambeaux until
they got shut the eff down
for a gnarly bed bugs infestation.
I'm clean now. I'm... I'm fully clean.
Uh, wow, uh, usually, we don't get
everybody's back story.
That's, uh, surprising.
Living on the edge.
To circle back...
We have medium-speed Wi-Fi,
draft beer on tap...
Okay, what?
Girl, I hope I get to work here!
So do we!
It'd be $500 a month.
Okay, I was thinking more like $1,000.
Whoa, that would get you
a way bigger office.
All right, I'm just gonna say it.
Does this mean I'm freakin' hired?
Hired?
Aren't you renting an office space?
I thought I was interviewing for
the office manager position?
We're the office manager.
Is this...
Yeah, 495 Broadway.
490.
Pffft!
Classic me.
Whoop! Sorry!
Also, got to say... what an hysterical
business model to brand this as, like,
a shared co-working space
when really you're
storing people in what
are essentially closets
after luring them in with these, like,
seemingly high-end perks,
but it's also, like,
a bag of beer in a trash can
under a counter.
YouWork is a multi-
billion-dollar corporation.
That is fucking genius.
Guys, don't waste my time
like this again.
Nice meeting you.
Uh, okay, Fernando, I swear I don't know
why it keeps getting clogged.
Listen, lady, toilet paper's
not gonna make it through
these old pipes, much less your tampons
and maxi pads with wings for heavy flow.
Okay, first of all, I have
an extra-heavy flow.
Second of all, I don't flush my tampons
and pads down the toilet.
Third of all, you're saying
I can't flush toilet paper?
Well, if you must wipe,
well, the other residents
use a separate garbage can
for their used toilet paper,
and they don't make a stink about it.
Stink.
So I can't poop, wipe,
and flush in my own apartment?
I mean, that's some third-world shit.
You mean developing nation.
I-I-I did mean that.
That is... That is right.
Well, I grew up using a shit bucket.
And I did not mean that in a bad way.
I meant it in a great way.
Growing up like that is dope.
You know what? I'm gonna get one.
I'm just gonna get one.
I'll get a shit bucket.
All right, got some snacks, dawg, yeah.
All right, where the fuck
was this interview supposed to be?
Shit, phone...
I love this city.
Sorry.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Oh, no.
I just moved here.
Cool.
All right, all right, all right!
All right.
Geez.
Linda freakin' Lodi?
Linda!
Linda, hey!
Hey, It's Ilana Wexler!
I used to work for you
at your temp agency!
- Ilana?
- Come on over!
That's so crazy.
- Hey!
- Ilana, hi!
Oh, my gosh.
So, how are you?
Good, good. I'm just, uh, working
over there in that coffee shop.
What are you working on?
Oh, well, I'm working on my screenplay.
"We Lost Grandma at the Water Park."
That sounds hilarious.
Oh, well, it's a...
it's a drama, actually.
Dope. Dope.
But, uh, it's good. It's good.
I just... the only thing is
I have to keep an eye on
my stuff and my son every time
I want to take a smoke break.
I mean, they didn't used
to kick us out of places
for smoking in the '90s, right?
You know, I never thought
about it like that.
Anti-smoking is discriminatory.
I just want a place
where I can work and smoke.
You know, Linda, today
might be your lucky day
because I have a situation
starting up here where you can
sit and smoke and charge your
phone and your devices and work,
and you never have to let your
belongings leave your sight.
Whoa, that actually
sounds kind of perfect.
Um, well, uh, how much do you charge?
We are charging...
50 cents a minute.
You know what? I'll take it.
Here.
40 minutes... 45, I'll give ya.
All right, awesome.
I'll go get my stuff.
Yes, awesome, get your stuff,
and then come back.
Abbi!
- Man, I got you again!
- Every time, man.
Come on, girl. Bring it in.
Hoo!
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Doo, doo, doo. Doo, doo, doo.
Pshh!
So, what you looking for, Abb?
Okay, so, this is
a little bit embarrassing,
but my building's pre-World War I
in the plumbing,
and it's, like, really...
Say no more. Bath accessories.
Dope, dude, thanks.
Great seeing you.
You too. Holla at me, Abb!
Hey, dude, I'm in
the middle of trying to find
this thing at BB&B.
Hold up, you're at BB&B, Abbi?
Can you grab me six power strips
and six extension cords
and meet me at that place
where that dude gave you
that condom stat?
Well, I was gonna say stuff, too.
Holy shit bucket.
Dude, what is all of this?
Welcome to SheWork.
We are officially open for shiz-ness.
What is SheWork?
SheWork is an inclusive work environment
that caters to smokers.
I see a bunch of... no offense...
trash furniture and two people
smoking cigarettes.
Walk with me.
So, SheWork uses the urban landscape for
a fast-paced work space
with no boundaries.
Huh. If parkour is using the city
as your gym, SheWork is using
the city as your office.
So, correct me if I'm wrong.
People are paying you
to use the free
public charging stations?
So what? All the great
male entrepreneurs do it, okay?
They take something that already exists,
claim it was their idea,
throw in some fancy furniture,
and charge double for it.
For letting people
sit on your junk and smoke?
Exactly.
Wait, Ilana, hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm... I'm sorry.
Smoking cigarettes is disgusting.
Okay, smoking is obvs heinous...
But who am I to judge
a nicotine addiction?
I mean, I'm... fully addicted to weed.
True. Okay, you got the stuff.
I thank you, bitch. Oh, yeah.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
Great, thank you so much.
And, actually,
a trash can is the only thing
we don't need here at SheWork.
No, no, no. This is actually mine,
uh, my shit bucket, so...
Come again?
It... It's my shit bucket.
Pardon me?
My... I had to get a shit bucket.
Okay, um...
Who, what, how, when, where, and why?
Okay, it's a funny story.
Uh, you know how my toilet is
always getting clogged.
Pfft. Yeah.
Um, so, Fernando actually
let me know that I can't
flush toilet paper anymore,
and actually I have to
discard it in a separate bin
right next to the toilet.
So what'd you say to him?
So, then I said... I said...
I said, "Fernando,
I will get that shit bucket."
That's what I said,
and I got... I got one.
Oh, Abbi. Dude, I was, like...
I was standing there, and I was just,
like, so stunned by what was going on,
I got bullied into buying a shit bucket.
You know, and I think
we should take this issue
into the community-action
wing of SheWork.
- Oh, wow, is there whole other...?
- Come on.
Okay. Oh.
So, we have to review our resources.
Okay.
- The printer/scanner.
- So, there's a scanning function.
What you're gonna do is scan
your tits, or your ass.
Make a shit ton of copies.
Disseminate them to all your neighbors
but get this... anonymously.
Everybody's like, "What's going on?"
Whose tits are these?
Meanwhile, you've
planted a stack of the tits
in Fernando's office,
and you pipe up, and you say,
"You know, I-I think it
might be Fernando,
and while we're on the topic,
why are we shitting in buckets?"
SheWork... boosh!
Dude, you are so close on that.
Okay, what if I print out
a petition, okay?
Uh-huh. I go around to my neighbors,
and I'm like, "Guys,
this is an important issue."
We shouldn't be shitting
in shit buckets, okay?"
I get the full signed petition,
take it back to Fernando,
and I'm like, "Majority rules, man.
Change is coming."
Ooh, you are full-blown grassroots.
You are the Alexandria
Ocasio-Cortez of Astoria.
You're the Jewish
Shirley Chisholm of toilets.
Yes, I am gonna shit
in my toilet and flush.
Yes. Go get your bucket
and take care of your shit.
Come on.
Take care of your shit.
I love you, Abb.
Ah, and I love SheWork.
Miss, hi.
Are you sick of being
treated like a filthy outsider
at work because of your
tragic smoking habit?
How's that Wi-Fi working, L.L.?
Ha, ha. Charging Station-Guest
is coming in clear as day.
You know, we are growing
rapidly, and I'm starting to
have to focus on expansion,
so would you feel comfortable
watching the fort?
Would I?
No, I-I was asking...
Hello, um, my name is
Abbi Abrams, and...
I don't want to buy
any Girl Scout Cookies.
No, no, no.
I-I'm not a Girl Scout anymore.
I'm a grown...
I-I'm actually your neighbor.
I'm just going around
letting everyone know
that I'm having a tenant meeting
today in the lobby...
I have lived in this
building for 31 years,
and I've never seen you.
Well...
Wait, are you Melody's roommate?
You know Melody? Yes.
She dates that wonderful young man
who always brings me delicious cheeses.
That's, um... That's Bevers.
They're the loveliest.
I love them, as well.
Um, and I'm actually
walking around today
to talk about the shit... to talk about
the plumbing problem in the building.
How old are you?
I'm newly...
You hippies are the reason
that sandwiches
in this neighborhood cost $16
with your Sriracha and your oat milk.
What's wrong with cow milk?!
Well... Sheesh!
Cow's milk makes me have to shit!
Which is what I came here to talk
to you about in the first place.
Ooh, God, I'm rich.
This city's full of trash.
This is a very important
meeting of the building,
and I know you're looking
at me like I'm the hot, young
new kid on the block.
You're young?
I'm... I'm 30.
I've never seen her before.
Who buzzed her into the building?
I know you. 4H, right?
Yes. Thank you.
Oh, you're the chick who pegged Jeremy.
Yes, of course.
Okay, well...
I heard the moaning.
You got him good.
Sounded like an Earth-shattering orgasm.
Okay. Fine.
You got me.
I... I might've pegged Jeremy.
Okay, great. But, listen, guys.
Let's... Let's focus up, okay?
So, maybe, you know, I'm not young.
Great, I'm getting up there. Great.
And maybe you only know me
as the chick who pegged Jeremy.
I'm... I'm fine with that.
But allow me to help you, okay?
There's a better quality of life
that we can have, okay?
I-I-I'm in the city.
I'm riding the rails.
There are changes
that need to be made, okay?
I-I don't know much,
but this is what I do know.
This is what I do know!
We can be the change we wish to see.
Let's say "no" to shit buckets.
I love Jeremy.
If he let her peg,
we can probably trust her.
- All right.
- My man.
You are my man. Yes.
Listen, uh, let's take a quick pic,
'cause what is activism without
posting it on Instagram, right?
I don't know if it exists.
Yeah, great.
Yes!
Hello, Linda.
Ilana.
Did you notice I signed a new client?
Linda, you exquisite genius!
May I kiss you?
Y-Yes.
Mm, smoky.
So tender.
Fernando, thanks so much
for stopping by.
Why don't you take a seat.
It's good.
I called the city.
I told them everything.
I told them about the plumbing.
I told them about the heat.
I told them about every single thing
that needs fixing in this building.
Okay.
Change is gonna come, my friend.
I think you're gonna want
to take a look at this.
There you go.
This is not good.
Look.
Fernando, no disrespect
to your country...
I'm from Flushing.
I grew up 10 minutes from here.
I apologize.
I'll pass along your demands.
I'm the Rosa Parks of poop.
What?
How's everybody doing, huh?
Morty, you want a fresh one?
And, Ms. Katherine, anything for you?
Yes, girl.
Bev, anything?
She on a diet. I get it.
James, anything?
Got a birthday coming up.
Debbie, snack, smoke?
I'm not a business bitch.
I am a business, bitch!
SheWork, where your lungs are
your goddamn business.
Welcome to SheWork,
my privileged brothers.
We've already met.
You know, when you're running a company,
you meet a lot of people, so...
Listen, we've been watching you all
day, and this is getting out of hand.
Afraid we're gonna
have to shut you down.
SheWork is a woman-owned business
founded right here in New York City.
You can't shut us down.
Okay, yeah, hm, okay, yeah, go for it.
Yeah, let's see... Let's see how
it goes. Except I can promise you
that you're gonna see YouWork
start to trend hard...
but bad.
Because I hooked up
with someone very high up
in the human resources
department of Twitter once.
One second to side bar?
Would you like a conference room?
I don't want
to fuck with Twitter again.
I don't like the sound of that.
Plus we have to play them
in soccer this weekend.
Oh, my God.
We'd never hear the end of it.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
- Let's pay her off.
- Cute.
- Make her go away.
- Hundred bucks.
- Split it with you.
- Yep, I did it.
Hi.
We'll give you 100 bucks to go away.
You're hilarious.
What's your real offer?
- $100.
- $900.
- $100.
- $800.
- $100.
- $700.
- $100.
- $600.
- $100.
- $100.
Is this a...
$500, and that's my final offer.
Fine.
I guess we're not getting
a mani-mani-pedi.
Man. Yeah, yeah, mm, mm.
It's Friday. That's our thing.
I know it is, but it's okay.
We can skip it this one week.
Okay.
Wow, thank you.
Only in New York.
It is a genius idea, though.
Okay, guys, it's over.
Thank you for believing
in me and SheWork.
You made me realize
how beautiful yellow teeth
and brown finger nails and hair
that smells like soot can be,
so thank you for that.
All right, pack up and go home.
We had a good run.
I paid a week in advance.
You know, the market is just
so up and down, brother.
It's, you know, the market.
Bye, Ken.
Where's Ilana?
She's gone. I-It's over.
But I didn't even get
to apply for office manager.
Where's my computer?
Who took my computer?
My screenplay!
Christian?
Where's my kid?
Man, the beauty of that
bucket is that I'm squatting
so low to reach it, so I'm,
like, in Squatty Potty position.
It's almost like a two-for-one.
Hold on.
You shit inthe bucket?
You're only supposed to put
toilet paper in the bucket.
No, I know.
See...
Okay. Shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Hey, what's up?
Holy shit, Ilana, look at this.
"YouWork's innovative smoker's rooftop
results in a massive stock hike"?
Those assholes!
They stole my idea.
I knew I should've done an equity split.
You know what, dude? It's okay.
We are still two badass activated women.
I mean, Ilana, you founded
and sold a company in one day.
And I, like, mobilized
my people to form a mini,
like... s-small revolution
in my building!
That's right.
I mean, we can be
the change we wish to see
in the world if we... if we have a dream
and we rise to meet that dream
and we go high when they go low.
Oh, my God.
Dude, Fernando got fired?
Oh, no!
There's a new building manager?
Raising the rent in three months?!
Oh, what the fuck is this?
You like our sharp cheddar?
- I-I do. - Yeah, who doesn't?
It's the best cheese.
I'm... I'm obsessed with sharp cheddar.
So am I... me too. I...
He's taking it out of my...
out of my fridge,
- and he must be giving it to you.
- Well, they're very good.
Great. That's... I'm happy
someone's enjoying them.