Breeders (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 8 - Episode #1.8 - full transcript

"Total protection
from the sun."


- They called them orangeries,

but they didn't just
grow oranges.

They grew pineapples,

figs, peaches.
- Nice.

- I could go on.
- Uh-huh.


Of course, you see here ourfamous champagne and gin bar,

and the French windows here

open onto our ornamental lake
and gardens.

- Wow.
- Which are perfect

for hog roasts
- Mm-hmm.

- Or vegan equivalentif that's your thing.

Is there a vegan equivalent
to a hog roast?

- No, not really. I'll just getthe key to the garden.

- Thanks.

It's nice, isn't it?
- Sorry, won't be a minute.

Darren's in a flapabout something.

- Mm. Can you do that later?
- It's my work.

- Yeah, I know.
This is our wedding,

and you don't seem
that engaged in the process.

- I am.

I am engaged in the process.
- Are you?

Yeah. Oh.

- Fuck me.

- So can you just... just chillout a little bit?

- No, I'm... I'm chill.
I'm Mr. Chablis.

You're the unchill one.
- What?

- Do you want to book
this fucking venue?

She doesn't like it.

- I didn't say that.

- You didn't say
you liked it, either.

- That is true.

This is all just lovely.It's really lovely.

I... look, I am keen on this...

this, you know,
getting married.

- Mm-hmm.
- It's just that work

is really mad at the moment.

- No, I get it. I... I do.

I mean,you've done this before.

- Done what?
- Got married,

had the church wedding,

the swanky reception,the doves.

- Peacocks.
- You had peacocks?

- Yeah, and a monkey
riding a flamingo.

Of course we didn't, or doves.

- Uh-huh.
- Look, why don't we just get

pissed and sign
on the dotted line?

- Because I'd like our wedding
to be a bit less like applying

for a car loan, while pissed.
- Oh.

I'll bet that's Darren,

isn't it? Yeah.
- It's Darren.

- Sorry. Hello? Hi. Hello.
- Fuck's sake, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no,
that's... okay, fine,

just yeah,
patch them through.

- Patch them through.
- Transfer the call.

Hello, Lothar.

Oh, can you collect Luke

from Bear's house?
- Bear?

- Yeah, he's a boy
in Luke's class.

- Called Bear?
- Yes..

- Bear, though?

- And Bear's having
an eco-friendly party,

so park round the corner
and say that you walked.


- Fucking Bear.

- Yeah?

- Hi, hey.
I've come to pick up Luke.

- Oh, okay, Luke, right.You're his dad?

- Yeah.
- Okay, thing is, dude,

there'sbeen a bit of an incident.

- Oh, is he all right?

He can get a bit
overwhelmed at parties.

- He's okay. It's just, uh...

I don't really knowhow to put this.

Luke pulled Bear's hair.

- He...
- Pulled Bear's hair.

- Oh.
- Bear?

Yeah, this is Luke's dad.He's come to say sorry.

- No, I... no, I've actually
just come to pick up Luke.

- All right, Luke?
- Hey, mate.

- Can we go now?
- Yeah, one... one second, mate.

So hi, buddy.You ready to say sorry to Bear?

- I think I can ask
my son that, thank you, buddy.

Did you pull Bear's hair?

- No.
- Right.

- Yeah, see, the thing is,though, that's not true, is it?

- No, I did it.
- You did it?

It was probably an accident.

- Right.- Well, okay, either way, mate,

I think you should say sorry to
Bear for pulling Bear's hair.

- Sorry.
- Okay.

- Is the car parked
round the corner?

- No, 'cause we walked.

I'll have a word with him.
- Right. Great.

I appreciate it.

I know it must be tough
having a kid

who does this sort of thing.
- Fuck.

Did Luke get a party bag?

- He doesn't want a party bag.

Oi, felon.

Pulling hair is wrong, mate.I mean, all violence is wrong,

but, you know,at least punching's a sport.

- Is it?
- Yes, boxing.

Boxing's in the Olympics.Hair pulling isn't.

- It would be funny if it was.
- It really would be.

- Look, launching a studio
in Berlin

would obviously be

but I... I just... I can't.

- They love you out there.
- Ugh.

- And want youto set everything up.

They know I've only gotschoolboy German,

a thick schoolboywho always bunks off German.

- If it wasn't for the...
the wedding

and the kids, then, you know.

- I understand.
- Yeah.

- What if I offered youa 30K bonus

as well as the partnership?
- Darren, fucking hell.

- Seriously, 30,000 pounds
in money.

- No. I can't.

It's just... it's... sorry,
it's the wrong time.

- I get it. I really do,
and I respect your priorities,

but let me
just say one last thing.

- Is it 40,000?
- No, it's not that. 50.

- God.
- You know what?

Bear's dad is such
a passive-aggressive cockhead.

- I've seen him. He looks it.
- Mm.

He called me "dude"and started going on about

how Luke pulled Bear's hair.

- Sorry, Luke did what?
- Pulled Bear's hair.

- Luke would never do
anything like that.

- Yeah, I know,I told Daddy Bear that.

- Good.
- But then Luke admitted

he'd done it, so...

- Oh. Should I talk to him?
- No, it's all right.

I talked to him.

- I should talk to him.
- Why?

Is my talking to him
not enough?

You're busy. I've got this.

- Oh, on the subject of busy,
you know that appointment

I made
to see that venue tomorrow?

- No, come on.
This one was your choice.

- Yeah, no, exactly,
so I already know I like it.

I don't need to go. You go.
You could take your mum.

- That's a great idea.
It's brilliant.

Except you know what?

I'm not marrying
my own fucking mum.

- All right. I am sorry.

I just... I couldn't get
out of this meeting.

- Mm-hmm.
- Come on.

you know what a twat
work can be.

- Mm-hmm.

- I know.

It's not a position
I wanted to put you in.

- I'm like Meryl Streep
in "Sophie's Choice."

- Sophie...

- Hmm? Doesn't matter.
It's a film.

She has to choose betweensaving her son or her daughter.

- Oh, right.
- I mean, she won the Oscar,

but it was... it was a while ago.Anyway, what I'm saying

is how am I supposed to choose
who in my section to fire?

- Make redundant.

I understand it's unbearable,but we're spread way too thin,

and next year's cutsin this sector...

- Will be brutal, I know.
I do know.

- How about seeing if Benwill take redundancy?

- He's got two-year-old twins.
I mean twins who are

two years old, not two twins
who are a year old.

I mean, obviously
he's got two twins.

- Were Meryl Streep's
children twins?

- I don't know.

- How about letting Rachel go?
- She's just bought a flat.

- Manish?
- Mum's having chemo.

Look, I'm sorry, Paul.
I know it's tough,

but I will need a name
by the end of the week.

- I know.

Well, okay.

- Who does Meryl
choose to save?

- Her son,
but they all die in the end.

- Mm.
Might stick with "Mamma Mia."

- Well, it's all right, Paul,

but why do you want
to get married in a shed?

- Hmm? It's a barn.

- Why don't you do it
in a proper building?

The church hall'sonly 20 pound an hour.

- Chemical toilet, that'll reeklike buggery

by the end of the night.

There's a Glade on the cistern,

but that's like stickinga corn plaster on a head wound.

Why do you want
to get married in a shed?

- Yeah, I just said that.

- Why don't you get married
in a proper building?

- Yeah, I said that too.

- We thought you'd never getmarried, didn't we?

- All those girlfriendswho got away because you were...

- Not needy but...
- No, not needy.

- Needy?
- We said not needy.

- Intense.
- Yes, intense.

- Your thing was always
when you think

someone's gonna leave you,
you won't let go.

- Like a ferret down
some trousers,

jaws clamped to the old fella.
- Yeah.

- Right.

- But here you are
getting married,

and it's a blessing.
- Oh.

- It's a blessing that should
happen in a place

with decent heatingand an actual floor.

Your mother's just
spending a penny.

And by spending a penny
I mean spending a pound,

if you get my drift.
- Mm-hmm.

- Probably best turn
the engine off.

- I meant to tell you Lukepulled a boy's hair yesterday.

- Why?

- I'm not sure.

- No, I mean why are you
telling me about it?

- Oh, well,

because he shouldn't bepulling another kid's hair.

- It's good he stood up
for himself, though.

Maybe this boy needed
his hair pulled.

- I'm sure he did.

He seems like a spoiledlittle shit, but still.

- Luke doesn't want
to be a victim.

- Yeah, he doesn't want to bea perpetrator either.

- You've gotta be one
or the other.

- No, you haven't.

What sort ofnihilistic bollocks is that?

- God, you were right
about that Glade, Jim.

God in heaven.

- Thank you for coming
in so quickly,

but, uh, when there's been
a major incident,

the school does need
to act swiftly.

- Oh, my God, is Luke okay?

- There was an
unprovoked attack.

- Is he hurt?
- Luke was the attacker.

- Thank God.That he wasn't hurt.

- Sorry, are you sure
it was unprovoked?

Hang on, was it Bear?
Because they have a history.

- It wasn't Bear.
I'm not allowed to say

which child it was...
data protection.

- So you probably shouldn't
have said it wasn't Bear.

- That's true.

- So how did Luke attack
this mystery child?

- Luke pinched him. Or her.

- Pinched him?
- Or her. It left a mark.

- A bruise?
- A red mark.

The child in question
was very distressed.

- Well, then.
- Okay, well,

I'll speak to him.
- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

As is our policy, Luke will nowbe put on a watch list.

- Sor...
- What? Like a terrorist?

- It's teacher observation.

- Come on, this is...

imagine it for a pinch.

It's all getting a bit "1984."

We are living in a world
in which nobody is free.

- That's from
"The Road to Wigan Pier."

- Same guy, though, right?

- Luke, you can'thurt your friends.

- They're not my friends.

- Well, you can't hurtanyone, really.

- Well, unless
they hurt you first.

- No, not even then.You tell an adult.

- But they don't listen.

- Well, we'll listen.

- You taught me to stand up
for myself.

- Of course, and you should.

- Everyone runs away from me
in the playground.

- Okay, well...

maybe it... maybe it's a game.

- It's not. They don't want
to play with me,

so when they ran away
from me this time...

- Mm-hmm.
- I pinched the slowest one.

- It's not nice to pinch.
- Well, it felt nice,

and it felt nice
to pull Bear's hair.

- Well, I get that.
- No, no.

You can't hurt anyother children with your hands.

- Can I hurt them with my feet?- No. No.

No pinching, no punching,and no kicking.

- Biting?
- No.

No physical contact at all.

- Look, Mummy and Daddy
are gonna sort this out, okay?

We love you so, so much,

and I... I don't want you
to worry about any of it.

- I'm not.

- Okay.

All right, well, go and... goand see Granny Leah for a bath.

- Good boy.

- My God.
- Hmm.

- I can't bear it.

Nobody likes our little boy.

Do you think there's something
wrong with him?

- Like what?
- I don't know,

like he'll become a mass
shooter or something.

- I don't think there's a link
between pinching

and shooting, is there?

Lee Harvey Oswald
didn't pinch Kennedy

on the arm first, did he?

- Towels?
- Oh, on the towel rack.

- Those are your towels?
- Don't towel shame us, Mum.

We're off to try
the wedding taster menu.

- I don't understand whyyou want to marry again.

- It's not again for me.

- Get married a second timefor a mortgage or a passport.

First time roundwas so lovely, Ally.

- Yeah, I wasn't there,
if anyone remembers.

- The setting, the receptionthe lighting.

- The lighting?

Oh, Christ, this is about
my photos, isn't it?

- I looked amazing in them,Ally. I was 15 years younger.

People asked meif I was your sister,

and only part of that wasbecause you looked a bit baggy.

- Wah-hah. Don't even...

- It's just exhausting.
- I know.

It's likedeconstructed sushi but cooked.

I mean, it's quite nice, but...

- It will be bigger than thisat the wedding.

I mean, terribly, this is just'cause it's a taster menu?

- I hope so. I thought you're
supposed to starve yourself

before a wedding, not at it.

- Excuse me.Is this the actual size

it will be at the wedding,or is this smaller?

- Actual size.
- This is actual size?

- Yeah.
- It's actual size.

- I heard.
- I... I...

I feel like the lambfelt bigger.

Did you think that?Did it feel bigger to you?

Because you get moreaccessories there, don't you?

The potato, the carrots...

- Darren's offered me
a 60,000-pound bonus

to take a lead role
in the setting up

the Berlin studio.

- Fuck my old boots, 60?Six-zero?

- I know, but it would mean
being away during the week

for at least a month.

- Oh, okay.

- Maybe six weeks,

and then three days
a fortnight after that.

- How is the salmon?
- It is lovely.

Can we try the chicken?
- Good times.

- So... so... when-when would you have to go?

- Monday.
- Monday?

But that's fucking Monday.

- I know, and I've already
told Darren I can't go,

and now Luke's going all
chocolate orange on us.

I'm not exactly gonna leave youto cope with that on your own.

- You mean "Clockwork Orange."
- What did I say?

- Doesn't matter.

You... do you wantto go to Berlin?

- Chicken with a side
of dauphinoise

and a pop of leek
in bacon sauce.

Actual size.

- I'm happy as I am, you know?

I don't want
anything to change.

- Okay. So you said no?
- Yeah.

Yeah, which is... which isthe right thing. It's all good.

- Right.

- It is quite small.
- It's fucking tiny.

- Luke's teacher

sent a note home
in his observation book.

- Oh, Christ.What's happened now?

He spat at someone.


- Well, that's enough,
isn't it?

Spitting is fucking awful.

- Uh, yeah, it is, butwe've got to hand it to him.

He's being clever.
- How?

- We said not to touch anyonewith his hands.

He's touching themwith his saliva.

- Sorry, are you actually
being serious?

- Yeah.

Ally, it's spitting.

It's not exactlyknife crime, is it?

- It's gross, and it is
completely unacceptable.

Thank God I didn't take thatfucking job. I will deal with...

- No, I'll deal with it.I'll deal with it.

You're right. It's awful.

I'll talk to him.

You spat at someone?

You dick,
why would you do that?

- You said not to touch anyone.

- Right, is this behavior
because you've picked up

on what's happening
with Mummy's work?

- What's happening
with Mummy's work?

- Right.

Because if it is about that,
right, we can tell the school

that you're under stress,
and they won't punish you.

They'll just
talk to you softly.

Is it because of that?

- Yes, it is.
- Good man.

And if you keep
upsetting other kids,

I'm gonna burn all your toys.

- You awake?

Decision time.

- Well, that new grant-makingtrust Helen mentioned,

I think we could geta taste of that money.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I've already taken

a pay freeze.
- Admirable.

- So you might not have to

let anyone go...
- Great.

- If you'd be prepared to take
the same freeze.

- Ben, sack Ben.
He's fucking useless.

- Really?- No. No. I'll take the freeze.

I don't want to put anyone
out of a job.


I'm at the top of my bounce,

and I've not even
bounced that high.

- What?

- Unless I change jobs, right,

I'm not gonna get a pay rise
for three years,

and I'm not gonna change jobs

because no fucker
is gonna take me on at my age

and pay me
what I'm getting now,

so if our financial situation
is going to improve,

that needs to be down to you
and what you're doing.

You need to go to Berlin.

- Well, how would you manageon your own?

- I wouldn't, would I?
It'd be a living hell.

But Mum would help out.

And it's not forever, is it?

- Of course not.
- Mm.

You want to do it, don't you?


And you still want
to be my wife?

- Yes.
- Okay, then marry me now,

before you go away.

Let's just sign on the
dotted line and get pissed.

- Mm.

Did you tell me this
in bed so...

- So I could get
some sex out of it.

I'm not fucking stupid.

- It won't be for long,
I promise.

- Are you leaving
because I spat at Angel?

- Oh, of course not.
No, don't be silly.

- Angel? Jesus.
- It is just that...

well, with more money

we can go on, like,
nicer holidays and things.

- Mm, Disneyland.
- Well.

- Paris.

- I'm gonna miss you both so,

so, so much, but we can speak
on the computer,

so you'll see
my face every day.

- But we won't be able
to touch you.

- Or smell you.

- Oh.
- Hey, look, look,

you'll still have me, right?

I'll be here to look after you.

- Just you?

- Yes, just me,
your father, hi.


- We're really doing it.
- We really are.

- And now look at me.
- We're not wedding wankers.

- No, we're just wankers.
- Hey!

- Oh.
- You do it after, Mum.

- Actually, you're not allowed
to throw confetti anymore.

- Isn't it politically correct?

- No, it's not goodfor the environment.

Apparently fish choke on it,
or pigeons.

Right, kids,
are you ready to see

Mummy and Daddy get married?

- Can we play on our iPad?
- Nope. Let's go.

- Hi, I'm so,
so sorry I'm late.

- Hey, that's all right. Hello.

- Hello.

- Hello.
- Oh.

- You okay?
- So what we seeing?

- We're gonna see that one,
"Open House." It's German.

- Oh, soundsreally pretentious.

What's it about?
- I don't know, German things?

Probably the war. I've heardit was an abyss of anxiety, so.

- Well, that sounds like
the perfect first date film.

- That's what I thought.
Should we go in?

- Well, we could, or we could,uh, get drunk on cheap wine

in the parkand throw chips at the ducks.

- Yeah. Looks like it might be
a bit drizzly again.

- Yeah, but this isthe moment, Paul.

This is the momentwhere I found out

if you're gonna live up
to that mind-blowing sex

that we had at Lacey's party.

- Oy, yoy.
- Or if you're gonna turn out

to be a drizzly wanker.


See? This provesI'm not leaving you.

- Yeah, but you are leaving me.

- Sure,I'm literally leaving you,

but I'm not literallyleaving you.

- Did I miss it?
- Yeah, you did, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Mind you, second time round,

never as emotional.

So where are we eating?
- Nanny!

- Ava.
- Hey, Darren,

I didn't know
you were coming.

- Oh, I'm not a guest.
I'm a interloper.

Sods all, I'm afraid,

but the money guys
pulled the meeting forward.

- What? What?What are you talking about?

To when?

- First thing tomorrow.
- Oh, no, come on.

- Oh, my God.
- We should

get on the next flight.

I'm so sorry.
You must want to kill me.

- Yeah, I do, a bit.

- Paul?

- Look, go. It's fine.

- But I haven't even gotany of my stuff. I can't.

- Oh, Berlin is fantastic
for shopping.

You know, all-new wardrobe,
reinvent yourself.

Ditch old Ally.

- Listen, I love you.
- I love you too.

- God. Kids, come over here.
- Hey, come here.

- Listen, so Mummy has to gosomewhere, all right?

Eat your veg. Listen to Daddy,
and look after him,

and mind the roads, all right?

I love you.

Are you really sure about this?

Yes, I'm sure. Go.

- Love you.
- I will take care of her.

Not that she's a possession

or that I own her
or that you do.

She's free to do
as she pleases.

Sorry, this is maybe
a throwaway farewell.

Happy wedding day.

- Yeah.
- Okay, let's go.

- Where's your new wife off to?- Oh, she's going on

a honeymoon with her boss.

This is too...
Oh, man.

Oh, for f...

- Mummy knows who Jelly is.
- Well, can you describe her?

- She's Jelly.
- Brilliant. Anything else?

A dolly, a teddy bear,
an actual jelly?

- Mummy knows.
- Yeah, I know Mummy knows.

I know that, but Mummy's
not here, is she, Ava?

Oh, God.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but hey,

do you rememberwhat Mummy said on the phone...

when she said that

even though
she isn't really here,


she also sort of is becauseshe's always thinking about us?


- I don't remember
Mummy saying that.

- Go to sleep.

- Not surprisingly, we know
that people live beside them.

Way back in the day
from hunting and gathering,

when Britain was a wild,
less populated island,

these would have been...

- In the landscape.

- I want Mummy!

- Yeah, don't we fucking all,

Mummy! Mummy!

Mummy isn't here.
Try next door.


Oh, my God.
No, got the wrong house.

Aren't you Lil Dicky?

All-new Wednesday at 10:00
on FXX.

And next day, FX on Hulu.


-Okay. I want a big party this year.

-I want a quinceañera.

We can't do that. We're too white for that.
We're not allowed.

Do me a favor?Never look me in the eye again.

Okay? 'Cause your stare
is way too intense.

It's starting to make
my hair fall out.

How long are we
supposed to wait...

to feel comfortable
with women having power?

How much time do we give peopleto adapt to change?

The problem with the
people that run tech companies

is that they become fanatics,

end up thinking
they're messiahs.