Brassic (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Episode #3.6 - full transcript
Erin's brother Ronnie returns to Hawley claiming he has turned over a new leaf. Erin reluctantly convinces farmer Jim to let him stay in his spare room, but it's not long before Ronnie and his con mate Keithy cause total havoc.
The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour
from the outset and throughout.
You must've known you were
destined to end up here, right? Me?
I always knew this day would come.
But I must admit,
I didn't think it would be
on the scale of this.
I didn't think you had it in you.
Looking at you now,
I take no pleasure
in seeing you this vulnerable.
I really don't.
I want to be a friend to you.
And you're going to need a friend
like me.
But for me to be your friend,
I'm going to need something
in return.
This is Detective Carl Slater
of Hawley CID.
Interview with Erin Croft
at 10.05 a.m. on 11th November.
♪ FLYING LIZARDS: Money
# The best things in life are free
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees... ♪
(SIGHS)
Y’alright?
(VINNIE) 'Yeah, we're doing good.'
'We're having a good time,
aren’t we? Are you having
a good time?'
Oh, I'm having such a laugh.
Sugar and Carol are on form tonight.
'(CHUCKLES)'
Is Tyler still up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're outside
the shack, having a bit of a fire,
aren’t we?
Aw, go on, put him on the phone
so I can say 'night to him.'Here.'
'Hiyah, Mum.''OK? Is Vin...?'
Is your dad looking after you
alright?
Yeah, fine.
Alright, well, I just wanted to say
'night-night, I love you.
Love you too.
Alright, darling, 'night-night.
Love you.'Have a good time now.'
'Just enjoy yourself.'
You don’t have to rush back.
Planning a party or something?'No,
no, we're having an early night
tonight, aren’t we? Just take
your time, enjoy yourself.
Alright, then. 'Bye-bye.
'Bye, love.'
Where are we going, then?
Glad you asked. It's a surprise.
My dad took me when I was little.
And his dad took him
when he was little.
We are going -
- Sheep rustling!
- God, dude!
I was going to say that bit!
Well, go on then.
Sheep rust... Sheep rustl...
You've said it now...
It's bloody ruined.
Sheep wrestling?
Not wrestling sheep, rustling.
It’s like when you round up sheep,
like what cowboys do,
but with sheep, not cows.
So we're not cowboys, then?
No, cowboys are useless,
they're lame. We're sheepboys,
- brethren.Woo-hoo!
- Sheepboys!
I'm starving and I've had about 12
vodkas. Come on.(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
(MAN)'Good evening Miss Croft,
this is Tuma
calling from your alarm company.'
Who?'Tuma.'Wrong person, mate,
I haven’t got an alarm.
Oh, hang on.
♪ MABLE JOHN: Your Good Thing
(Is About To End)
I had it all.
Fucking Stringfellow
level of success.
Top of the world. (SNIFFS)
Then she came along.
She swooped down,
with her nasty acrylic talons
and she dug 'em in.# (SONG FADES)
She dug 'em into this empire
which I raised from the dirt
and she fucking tore the arse
right out of my heart.
Oh dear.
Oh, shock, he's here again.
- Ah, Miss Croft.
- Yeah.
What's he...what are doing here?
It’s my fucking club.
- No, it’s not.
- It seems,
although the emergency contact
details have been updated
with your number,
Mr Tom is still on the system too.
Alright, so what’s the score?
As you can see,
the safe...is no longer here.
Holy fucking shit!
Fuck! Shit! Shit!
Fuck! Fuck!
This is you, this, isn’t it?
This is you!
I’ve been in the pub all night.
Why would I steal the safe
from me own club?
Cos it’s not your club anymore
and you’re a spiteful,
vindictive little shit!
Perhaps we should call the police.
No. No police.
The interesting thing is that
whoever came in,
had keys.
Weren't fucking me!
This guy is clearly
the brains of the operation.
He’s wearing the quality tights,
obviously a high denier,
anything below a 40 denier
and you’re risking being recognised.
I’d say these are an 80, maybe 100.
However, his friend isn’t as clever,
in fact I’d go as far as to say
he has a brain deficiency,
because he’s chosen to wear
fishnet stockings over his head.
Fucking hell.
Ronnie.
On the telly?!
Ronnie? Your Ronnie?
I told you it weren’t me.
Told you. It's your fucking Ronnie.
Do you know this person?
That there is her brother.
♪ UNLOVED: Love
Oh dear.
Ronnie! Ronnie!
Erin.
I can see the curtains twitching,
you stupid twat!
Get down here now
and open the fucking door!
Here we are. Oh, fuck!
Ronnie?
# (MUSIC CONTINUING)
Get the fuck up! You shitbag.
You went ABOVE my dick. Right up.
Don't do that, OK?
It wasn’t me. I was set up.
What wasn’t you, Ronnie?
Ah... Good work, Columbo.
Where’s the fucking safe?
Sorry , it’s just, erm... I was
forced into it.
He said, you’ll do it
otherwise I will hurt your sister.
I said no! I said, no,
I don’t want to do that!
But he forced me... And I said,
I just want to be good.
And do things that’s legal.
- And all I said was... Oh!
- Who?
Fuck!
Who...are you talking about?
It’s Keithy, OK?
Who?
Keithy McBride. The Special K.
The Big Mac. McDaddy.
Mac and cheese. No?
We were cellmates in Grantham
for bar time.
The next thing you know,
we started overtaking the joint.
Special K and the Ronnie C
going live and loud.
And large. Just running
every little gaff,
every little set-up,
every little scam,
every little scheme. We were like,
right let’s get out there. We became
partners... I fucking tell you,
Erin, he is good at stuff.
- I want that safe.
- OK. Alright.
I get it. I'll get it for ya.
I'm being serious.
I promise I’ll get it for yer,
it’s just gonna have to be
in the morning. For fuck's sake...
It's just, time-wise,
getting over there -
No. No. Not tomorrow. Now!
Where the fuck do we find him?
He’s like a fucking master criminal.
He just...he just moves like that,
like a ghoul.
Like a fucking spectre.
And the next thing you know, he does
a job
and like a fucking puff of smoke,
mate, he is just gone.
And he is right
into the fucking clouds
or something.
Then it starts raining,
you're like, is that fucking Keithy?
Where the fuck do I find him,
- eh?
- Alright, Erin,
I’ll tell yer. I’ll tell yer.
Mr McBride? Mr Keith McBride?
It’s Hawley Police here, sir.
I’m afraid a vehicle
has collided with yours
on Mayfield Street. We have
an officer down there at the moment.
Yeah.
Keithy?
Who’s asking?
Where’s the fucking cops?
My name is Erin,
I’m Ronnie Croft’s sister. The safe
that you stole belonged to me.
Eh? I don’t know
what you’re fucking talking about.
That wasn’t my fucking money!
Right? So... Right.
...what’s your problem, then?
The guy that money belongs to
is called Terence McCann.
He’s my fucking problem.
Get it down!
If I tell him what’s gone on,
he will be your fucking problem
as well, alright?
And despite our Ronnie
being a fucking half-wit,
I don’t want to see him get hurt,
- alright?
- Right.
Fuck your Ronnie,
fuck Terence McCann
and fuck you too. (LAUGHS)
I'm getting it back. Right?
Yeah?
Yeah.
You fucking prick!
- Oh my God!
- Get in the car!
(COMMOTION)
Come here!
You’re smashing your own car up,
you fucking lunatic.
Sugar, get in the fucking car.
Jesus Christ, he is a fucking loon,
that one. And what the fuck is
going on, like?
What are you doing mixed up with
Terence McCann’s money?
I’m laundering it for him, alright?
Through the club.
You can’t tell a soul, Carol, OK?
You’re off your fucking head
getting involved with him.
I didn’t have a choice, did I?
No-one can know, right?
How much did he get away with?
30 grand was McCann's,
then there was a stack of cash
belonged to Vinnie’s from the cars.
Oh, shit...
How’s Vinnie not going to find
out about this, like? And what’s
McCann gonna do
when he hears his 30 grand
is missing?
He’s not gonna find out.
Cos I’m getting it the fuck back.
Wait a minute. (VOMITS)
We haven’t got time for this.
It’s alright, I feel better now,
actually.
OK. Let’s go get him.
Am I right? I’m fucking right.
Fucking right, let’s go get him.
Come on!
(ALL YELL)
Oh!
Oh, fuck!
♪ LITTLE WILLIE JOHN: No Regrets
Oh my God.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, Jesus!
Oh!
(VOMITS)# (MUSIC ENDS)
Erin!
Shit!
Oh!
Please, please tell me
I didn’t just -Yeah... you just
ran over his fucking head.
Oh my God,
- he’s right under your seat!
- Oh, God!
He's proper stuck under there, like.
- Is he alive?
- Fuck knows.
You’ll have to pull forwards
or backwards till we get him out.
- What?!Let's phone an ambulance.
- No,
we have no time for that, we just
got to get him out of there fast.
Oh shit, oh shit!
Erin.
OK, I’m doing it. I’m doing it.
(STRAINS, YELLS)
That’s it, that’s it, you’re doing
- great.
- Yes! I can see his head!
That’s it. We can see the head.
We can see the head. That’s it.
That’s it. That’s it.
Er, can I get an ambulance, please?
There’s been an accident.
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Apart from fucking knocking him
down. He’s dead
as a fucking doornail.
Give me that fucking phone.
- Oh, Jesus.
- This can’t be happening.
This can’t be happening.
Are you sure he’s not asleep?
Yeah. Just because he’s got
no pulse, doesn’t mean he’s dead.
Sugar, I was a nurse.
A nurse in a porno, Carol,
for 20 minutes.
Not exactly qualified, are yer?!
No, look, there's pulse,
no breathing, no nothing.
Tyre tracks across the face.
He’s fucking toast. Now, listen,
I don't want to say too much,
but I might have been in a situation
very similar to this one
a while back in Rhyl.
- OK?
- Jesus Christ. Let’s just phone
the police and let’s just tell them
what happened.
No. No. No. No. No police. No.
You’ve got a little boy to think of.
That’s precisely who I am thinking
- about, Carol.
- We’ll just tell them
it was just an unfortunate,
- freak accident.
- Yes.
Freak accident?
What? That he accidentally ran over
his own fucking head, twice?
Girls! Think!
We’ve got to make this problem
disappear, just like that thing
in Rhyl that never happened.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck
am I even doing?
I didn’t even want to come out
tonight. My fucking life is ruined
in the space of
five fucking minutes.
OK. Alright.
No-one knows we were ever here,
yeah? And this prick
spent the majority of his life
robbing people and disappearing.
So no one’s gonna bat an eyelid
if he disappears again.
What are you saying, Erin?
Ah, right.
I think what she’s saying is,
we take nobbo here
off for a farewell lap
in his own car up into the moors,
bury him
and we never speak of this again.
But we need to act now
and everyone needs to be on board.
OK.
No bother, c’mon. Let’s do it.
- Come on.Let's go.
- OK.
You get his hands.
Whaaayyyyy! Someone’s
had a good night!
I mean, the smell! Piss and shit.
(SHEEP BAAING)
You've got to remember
that sheep are like people.
A bit thick.
If one of them does summat,
all the others do the same.
So it’s like a game of tig?
- And the sheep like it?
- Yeah. Oh,
yeah, they fucking love it! Yeah!
Remember playing here
when we were kids?
I miss it, man.
We've grown up now. Got busy.
(PHONE RINGING)
Fuck.
Is that Sam?
What are you doing?
Dude, she's incredible!
I tell you what,
you are going to wreck that
and then you are going to
fucking come moaning to me.
Fuck.
I’m terrified,
to be honest with you.
Dude, she’s nice. She’s smart.
She’s funny. The only thing
wrong with Sam
is that she’s got an unhealthy
attraction to pikey-looking fuckers
like you.(LAUGHS)
Dude, you’re waiting for a bus
that is just never going to turn up.
Whereas Sam likes you. And if
you keep dragging your heels,
you’re going to fuck everything up.
It’s not her that terrifies me,
it’s the relationship bit,
y’know? I’ll tell yer,
she’s only gonna end up working out
why no-one should ever be with me
in a relationship.
She’ll end up fucking off
like the rest of them.
So you're gonna pre-empt that
by just never going
out with her in the first place.
Is that it?
Yes.
Ach, I mean...
Do you know what, in fairness,
sounds like a pretty sound approach
to finding happiness, so fair play.
What are you two sheepboys doing?
Just cotching.
Argh! Shit! Shit!
Oi!
Shit! Shit!
Fucking language! What's going on?
- Shit!What?
- I fucking fell in shit!
(LAUGHS)
It's what God does to dickheads.
Come on. Get down that end of
t'field, they've all gone. Come on.
I can't get it shut!
It's his hand! It's poking out.
No, the fucker's too big.
Carol, stop, stop, stop, stop.
He's not gonna fit, is he?
Shit!
What the fuck are we gonna do, like?
This is creepy as fuck.
Not too slow, Erin. We don't want
to be conspicuously slow.
All the windows are smashed in,
Carol. I don't speed's the issue.
Whoa, watch out!
Round them up!
♪ MINISTRY OF SOUND: Let's All Chant
Get him off! Get him off!
He likes you, doesn't he?
Why didn't you put a seatbelt
on him?
What would I do that for?
He's fucking dead.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
That's perfect, Erin.
There’s hundreds of cars down there.
They’ll never find him. Jesus,
he is an awful fucking prick anyway.
He got put -
Shut...up... Carol.
I'm only trying to help.
Right, then.
Let’s do it. (CLEARS THROAT)
- You get his legs.
- Jesus, he is
a big one. Fucking huge.
(STRAINS) Come on, you big fucker!
We need to get him so it looks like
- he’s been driving.
- Shut up, Sugar!
You're not fucking helping!
- I am just saying.
- Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up!
- Yeah, you just
stand there, Sugar, for fuck's sake.
♪ HADDAWAY: What Is Love?
So much for being discreet, Carol.
For fuck's sake...
Get off, you!
No, no, no, hang on,
what’s he caught on?
Ah, it’s this stick.
- Woah.
- Shit! Shit!
Aw, fucking dog shit!
Fucking shit.
Ah well, that’s him off so.
♪ (HADDAWAY SONG CONTINUING)
Oh...!
- Wha'?!
- You’ve got to be kidding me.
That’s meant to be
a bottomless lake.
♪ (SONG ENDS)
# NICK WATERHOUSE: Song For Winners
We did it! We won!!
Yay!
Dude, your pants stink of shite!
Just throw them out the window!
A few years left in them yet.
- Leave them.
- What was the point
in taking them off and then
just leaving them in here?!
Where are we taking the sheep now?
Where do you think we’re taking 'em?
On holiday?
Blackpool?
Have you ever had a doner kebab?
Hey, Jim -S’alright, let me
- handle this.Gentle.
- Right,
you know what an abattoir is?
That's worse, you dickhead!
What are you doing?
Well, where are we going, then?
I thought they just wanted to have
a ride in the lorry. Like us.
They do.
They do. They do.
They do. No. He's right. They do.
Yeah, they do.
Every now and again we will drive up
to the fields, y’know.
Game of tig. Bit of hide and seek.
Take their minds of being sheep
for a bit.
And they we just...
After that we just...
And then what?
Take them home and put them in bed.
So am I...!
Just turn it round.
We could take them down Steep Lane,
that’s like
going down a rollercoaster.
We should take them down Steep Lane.
That is the sickest of ideas!
Wait till you see it
with the lights out.(ALL SCREAM)
Jesus Jim, put the lights back on!
Whaa-haaaay!
That was close.
Let’s move the fucker.
Sugar, slow it down.
What do you mean? It's not me!
Jesus!
Fucking hell. This is insane!
What are we gonna do, wheel him
around till we get caught?!
It was your idea to put him
in a wheelie bin.
Yes, I know, but what are we doing
now with him?
Why don’t we just fucking, like,
just cremate him there in the bin?
With that, yeah?
I know, or just fucking, like,
bury him like?
I mean no one ever goes in there,
I bet yer.
In there, like. No-one ever goes
in there.
Soft ground. Like Rhyl. Come on.
I’ve just done my nails!
C’mon. We’re running out of options
here, it’ll be light
before we know it.
There’s the path, OK? Back it in.
Back it in.
That’s it. Straight up.
Straighten her up. Straight up.
Here’s a car. Just get him out.
Get him out.
What are the fucking chances?!
Dirty fucker's doing a pish.
What?
He's draining his spuds, like.
Jesus Christ...
♪ THE CREATURES: Right Now
For fuck sake, I can’t do it.
That's it. In here. Pull fast! Pull!
That's it. Fucking hell.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
- My fucking wedding ring!
- What?
My wedding ring. I’m after losing
it. It’s buried in there with him.
Oh, fuck. Ah, fuck!
Oh Jesus Christ. Come on.
Right.
Oh, fuck.
Fucking watch out.
Fucking stupid place
to put a fucking sign anyway.
Let’s just go home and pretend
tonight never happened.
Get on with our lives.
Vin.
Mm-hm?
I’ve got something
I need to tell you.
What do you mean, 'dead?' What do
you mean, 'dead?' Properly dead?
Yes. Shush!
Who’s dead?
No-one. Never you mind.
You know, I am beginning to wish
I hadn’t told you about any of this.
Same.
But it doesn’t make any sense.
I'm the dickhead. I'm the idiot,
you’re supposed to be
the sensible one.
What about the gang’s money?
Was that in the -
I am working on it.
- It’s gone!
- Shush!
Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Morning.
It’s the morning time.
So you told him, then?
- Sugar, I'm sorry.You two,
- I lay
awake all night, it was in my head -
I can’t fucking believe this!
♪ IRMA THOMAS: It's Raining
Thomas?
- Vincent?Can I help you?
- Yeah,
you can help me actually, Erin.
By stopping leaving
snide little notes for me
around my club. How about that?
Well, you are not my priority
right now. First of all,
it’s not your club, Tommo. And they
are not snide little notes. They are
chores for you to do
around the place. I know you like
to think of yourself
as some little emperor
lording it around, giving it
the big 'un, but it doesn’t wash
with me Tommo. Either do it
- or fuck off.
- How's about this,
then?
I’m not fucking doing it!
I don’t give a shit either way, Tom.
Either you do it or you won’t.
And if you won’t, I’ll fire you
and I’ll get someone else to do it.
Either way,
someone is picking the chewing gum
and the pubes out of them urinals,
right?!
Fine. I’ll do it.
But not because you want me to,
cos I want to do it.
Hah! Who’s won that one, then? Me.
You guys are not going to believe
what happened to me last night.
My God, you gotta check this out.
Fuck sake, what now?
'Hello and welcome to another
episode of Fishing with JJ.'
'Tonight we’re on the hunt for perch
and I am also going to be talking
about hair-rigging your worms.'
Who cares about worms and fish?
Let me spin it forward,
it’s worth it. I promise.
- What lake is that?
- Demdike Quarry.
Who cares what fucking lake it is?
Here you go. 'That’s right, you sexy
little perch you. You know
you want it. Stop teasing, come on.'
What’s wrong with yer?
'Don't be shy.'
Holy fuck!'Flipping hell! Did you
guys see that?! A flipping car
just fell out the bastard sky,
bruv!' Police are down there now.
They have got fucking divers
and everything. But get this, yeah?
There’s absolutely
no trace of the driver.
(PHONE RINGS) Fuck sake...
Ash? Yes, mate, did you watch it?
It’s gonna go fucking viral, innit?!
I’m round at Sugar’s. Come over.
Have you heard?
The word is out all over town.
Police are down at the quarry.
Keithy McBride is on the missing
- persons list.
- Oh fuck me, no.
I feel sick.
I can’t believe we've been
- that stupid?
- Carol, you were
the one saying it was a good idea!
(KNOCKING)
This is a ladies-only
conversation.
The fuck it is! Let me in.
What you gonna do,
bury me in a shallow grave
in the fucking woods, dickheads?
Erin, I can’t believe you told him.
Listen to me. You gave me
such a bollocking
for bringing Cardi home
with his arse out
and you’ve killed a man!
Erin, you were meant to keep that
quiet, like that thing
that happened in Rhyl.
What happened in Rhyl?
Nothing.
- Exactly.
- Right.
Fuck me, this is getting serious.
Who else knows about it?
- No-one.
- No-one.
Good.I...had to offload it
to someone. The burden
was too strong.
Cardi?
- Aye.What?!
- Fucking hell.
Carol...
Did anyone see you?
No.
- No-one. No-one.
- Thank fuck.
Except...except for that hen party
that walked past.
A group... of people.
And the police officer when we were
wheeling him down the hill.
What, a policeman saw you?!
He waved at us.
He fucking waved at you?!
- What, he saw you with the body?!
- No,
no, the body was in a...a bin.
Why was he in a fucking wheelie bin?
It was easier to manoeuvre.
Of course. What did you do with
his stuff? The things he had on him.
His wallet. His phone.
His keys? Anything that might...
Honest to fucking God...
There is a body now
in a shallow grave
and he has got his fucking phone
on him?! What if
a fucking dog walker hears it
and answers the fucking thing?
Oh, the fucking documentaries,
the murder documentaries are sick.
They fucking track your phones
and that how they find...that’s how
they find...criminals.
Sounds really bad when you say it
- like that.
- Really frigging bad.
- Frightening.
- I mean, honestly,
the police could be banging
on that fucking door any second.
(KNOCKING) (THEY YELL)
Can someone take me to school now?
Absoshagginglutely...
Get down them stairs.
A fucking dead body.
What the bloody hell is he
talking to me about a dead body for?
Guys, what is going on?!
- Hi.
- Alright?
Oh! Here he is, Mr Worldwide
internet star, Jehan Javani
in the flesh.
(CHUCKLES)
Faces like slapped arses. Who died?
(LAUGHS)
Right, you have a good day, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Give me a cuddle.
- See you later.
- Love you, Mum.
Love you.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?(MAN) 'Hello, Erin.
Wondered if we could have a chat.'
Who is this?
Hang on a minute, this is
a fucking...this is a murder!
All I’m saying is...
All I am saying is...
If it were Erin’s fault then
we should shop her in to the police.
(PHONE RINGS)
She’s killed once -
she’s got a taste for it now,
- none of us are safe.
- Fuck me.
Erin? Erin! Clip him, dickhead.
Erin, where are you, love?
I've been brought in
- for questioning.
- What?!
What the fuck?!
Hang on a minute... Just say...
No... No comment to everything.
Stay calm and promise me
you’ll look after Tyler for me.
Stop it, this is fucking ridiculous!
What are they... What fucking
questions are they asking you?
Something to do with
the disappearance of someone
called Keith McBride. I don’t know,
I don’t anything yet.
Listen to me, cos this is important.
I need you to look after Tyler
for me if need be.
Tell me you can do that, Vin?!
Erin... Sweetheart -
Vin. Tell me.
Of course I'll look after him,
I’m his fucking dad! Sweetheart,
please!
I've gotta go.
No! Erin! Fuck! Fuck!
What?
They can’t charge her
without a body. Can they?
Right, we need to find this body
fast.
Right. This is Corby Woods. Pull in.
Jesus wept...
What is all this shit?
Carol said there was a sign
or summat.
Was it that sign there maybe?
Come on. We don’t have much time.
Oh, nice. Yeah man. Chop some trees
innit.
That looks about right.
Oh, yeah, check me out, dude!
Be careful, Cardi.
Oh yeah Cardi, look at my one?
Like a tomahawk,
from a lovely native American boy,
maybe you want to...
Maybe I could have a loan of -
- No, you’re alright.
- Just hold it
for a second and have a go on it -
Ashley. Ashley, listen.
We are going to go out in them woods
and spread out yeah? We are
looking for a knobhead
in a shallow grave.
Let’s go. Let’s do it.
Yeah, now...
Where do we start?
I mean, look at the fucking size
of it.
Listen, don’t panic,
Cardi is on the phone to Carol now,
should give us an idea
where the fucker is lying.
Yeah, thanks. Alright.
See you later, yeah. Love you.
Love you too, bye.
OK. So she says it was pretty dark
last night,
but she’s pretty certain
he’s over near... 'the big tree.'
Just to fuck me in the arse.
- Shall I call her back?
- No.
So the disappearance
of Keithy McBride.
Kind of had this foisted upon us,
what with that video of his
motor in the quarry,
public interest and what-have-you.
People love a mystery.
Me, I couldn’t give a rat’s piss
about Keithy McBride.
But unfortunately, since foul play
is suspected,
it’s kind of my responsibility.
So let me start at the beginning.
For the benefit of the tape,
do you know Keithy McBride?
No.
For the benefit of the tape,
I told you, I don’t know him.
Never heard of him
until you asked me about him.
So I don't understand why I’m here.
OK.
So the next question would be,
why do you suppose that, according
to Keithy McBride’s phone records,
the last person to call him
was...you?
At 11.36 last night.
♪ NICK WATERHOUSE feat LEON BRIDGES:
Katchi
No comment.
This is a lot harder than it looks
and it’s heavy.
- OK.
- How’s it going?
On the job are yer?
Eh? Oh. Yeah.
You know how to use that thing?
Yeah, yeah. Reckon I do, yeah.
Well, if you need a hand,
you be sure to let me know.
Well, maybe I will.
You could do a lot more damage
than his tiny chopper.(LAUGHS)
The fuck was all that?
What?
Just a bit of banter.
That wasn’t just banter.
Get back to work, skiver.
No. You get back to work, you.
Go on, sod off.
Cheeky.
What’s the fucking deal here?
All lumberjacks gay or something?
- Am I invisible?
- They’re not gay.
Why do you think everyone’s gay?
You with that chainsaw.
That’s the only reason
they’re paying you any attention.
It’s like a gay bat signal.
- Pass it over.
- Careful now.
Swap it now. No. It’s mine.
- Swap it Cardi.
- No, I want the
- chainsaw.
- Hand it over.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
See this necklace?
On a scale of one to ten, how
surprised do you reckon I’m gonna be
if we find your prints all over it?
11.42pm, a phone call is made
to emergency services
from your phone.
'Can we get an ambulance, please?
There’s been an accident...
What are you doing?!'
'What the fuck are you doing?
Apart from us knocking him down.
He’s dead as a fucking doornail.'
'Give me that fucking phone back.'
Pretty damning that.
Do you know, Erin,
what cellphone triangulation is?
It’s how we locate a mobile phone,
or a person’s whereabouts.
These are Keithy McBride's
mobile phone's movements
over the past 24 hours.
And these...are yours.
And, amazingly, you appear
to have been
in exactly the same places
as our missing Keithy
for much of last night. Until,
that is, you returned home
and he...he remained behind.
Right here.
In what appears to be these woods
just outside of town.
There’s a SOCO team
on the way to the woods right now.
Do you think they’re going to
find Mr McBride there?
Give me Vinnie
and I’ll see you walk.
Name Vinnie and you’ll go home
to your kid tonight.
Has anyone seen anything?
No, Vincent,
we haven’t seen anything,
cos it’s a fucking wasting of time.
Stop being so grumpy, Willow.
You're just coming down, you!
I am not on a fucking come-down,
Vincent.
Knobhead... I am not on a come-down,
mate.
(SCREAMS)
Shut up, you dickhead!
Keep your fucking voice down.
Fuck!
Fucking hell. Fuck me. Shit.
Get down. Fucking hell. Shush.
Is that it, then, yeah? That’s
gonna be the dead body, right?
If it isn’t, it’ll do
till the right one gets here,
won’t it, you fucking idiot?
What the fuck are you doing?
I am trying to pull him out
of the fucking ground.
We need a distraction or summat.
(COMMOTION)
What the fuck is that?
I think it's Cardi.
A convenient distraction.
♪ PEACHES: Boys Wanna Be Her
Boys, it's the bossman.
Hey! Who are you lot with?
We're with the crew
for the chopping down of the woods
and shit innit sir.
You’ll have to cover him back up
and we’ll get him later.
We take him now. Get his ankles.
(WOMAN OVER MEGAPHONE)
Your attention, please. All work
is to be suspended
with immediate effect.
These woods have been designated
- a crime scene.
- Fucking leave him!
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
(SOMEONE GRUNTS)
Cardi, stop doing that
- grunty thing.
- I didn’t say anything.
You did, you said "eurgh"
and then you grunted.
It wasn’t me.
What the fuck?!
How the fuck is he alive?!
- He was.
- Did you just
fucking knock him out?
Well, he shouldn’t have sneaked up
- on us like that.
- He's been through
enough.
Fucking knocked him out, poor cunt.
Keithy. Keithy, love?
Did nobody check his pulse?
Keithy?
Jesus! For fuck's sake!
Ashley, that's twice!
(SIGHS) Thank fuck he's alive.
# PRIMAL SCREAM: Loaded
Alright, Carl?
No. I’m pretty fucking not.
Keithy McBride was admitted
to St Margaret’s A
half an hour ago.
Alive?!
Yeah. It would seem so.
Keithy McBride is alive?
A few witnesses reported seeing him
drinking heavily last night.
Two women found him staggering
along the road, disorientated,
this morning.
Looks like he fell asleep
- in some woods.
- Is that right?
Wow.
- Shit!Oh, hi.
- Yeah, nice to see you
- too!
- I didn’t mean like that,
I just...it’s nice to see you.
# (MUSIC FADES)
So, you handing yourself in?
No, one of the boys...
Just picking up one of the lads
who got in trouble.
Where are you going?
Off to work at the Crow. You know,
that place you’re avoiding
in case you run into me.
For fuck's sake. I'm not avoiding...
I’ve just been busy.
I’ve not told you
because I worry about you...
- OK.Shut up.
- That’s enough
of that... Alright, then.
Get me the fuck out of here.
-# DJ FORMAT: 2,3.
- Scrape
Wait!
I need to talk to Keithy McBride.
Now.
Fucking hell... Yessss! Keithy!
(GROANS)
Stop saying "eurgh"
and fucking help.
Quick. Move, you fuck.
Let’s fucking go!
# (MUSIC ENDS)
I really need to get hold of Keithy.
No. just stay clear of
the whole thing.
What if he talks, Vin?
Don’t matter.
No-ones gonna believe him
if he does. Fuck him.
I need to get to him, I need
to get that money back.
Listen to me, you.
If it’s the difference between him
getting away with a load of money
and you taking a murder charge,
I'd rather take the hit
on the dough,
y’know? It’s only cash.
♪ HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE: Sankofa
Is that our Ronnie?
Come on!
Pull over!
Oi! Ronnie!
Ronnie!
Ronnie, you bell end!
Ronnie, I want
my fucking money back!
We can't hear you,
you fucking idiot!
We can’t hear you Ronnie!
Just give me the money!
I'm saying, I'm fucking wicked
at everything!
We can’t hear what you're saying!
Wait!
I'm getting a fucking sore throat
here!(PHONE RINGS)
Fucking calling me. Right, go on.
Alright, Erin, it’s Ronnie here.
I was saying,
every fucking time
you underestimate me
and you, Vinnie, you skinny twat.
I am an inspiration to many,
Jar told me that, man.
(HORN BLARES)
# (MUSIC ENDS)
♪ OS TINCOAS: CORDEIRO DE NANA
(PHONE RINGS) Now, let's just...
That's really bad. We should leave.
We should.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
(PHONE RINGING)
He’s not gonna give up, is he?
What are you going to do?
I have got a job.
- What is it?
- Bees.
Fuck it. Run away. Run away.
Where are my bees?
Get in...the fucking...cellar!
Ohh...! Scary bee man...
Is that human?
Oh, fuck me. Drink the tramp piss.
And let’s get the fuck out of here.
strong language and adult humour
from the outset and throughout.
You must've known you were
destined to end up here, right? Me?
I always knew this day would come.
But I must admit,
I didn't think it would be
on the scale of this.
I didn't think you had it in you.
Looking at you now,
I take no pleasure
in seeing you this vulnerable.
I really don't.
I want to be a friend to you.
And you're going to need a friend
like me.
But for me to be your friend,
I'm going to need something
in return.
This is Detective Carl Slater
of Hawley CID.
Interview with Erin Croft
at 10.05 a.m. on 11th November.
♪ FLYING LIZARDS: Money
# The best things in life are free
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees... ♪
(SIGHS)
Y’alright?
(VINNIE) 'Yeah, we're doing good.'
'We're having a good time,
aren’t we? Are you having
a good time?'
Oh, I'm having such a laugh.
Sugar and Carol are on form tonight.
'(CHUCKLES)'
Is Tyler still up?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're outside
the shack, having a bit of a fire,
aren’t we?
Aw, go on, put him on the phone
so I can say 'night to him.'Here.'
'Hiyah, Mum.''OK? Is Vin...?'
Is your dad looking after you
alright?
Yeah, fine.
Alright, well, I just wanted to say
'night-night, I love you.
Love you too.
Alright, darling, 'night-night.
Love you.'Have a good time now.'
'Just enjoy yourself.'
You don’t have to rush back.
Planning a party or something?'No,
no, we're having an early night
tonight, aren’t we? Just take
your time, enjoy yourself.
Alright, then. 'Bye-bye.
'Bye, love.'
Where are we going, then?
Glad you asked. It's a surprise.
My dad took me when I was little.
And his dad took him
when he was little.
We are going -
- Sheep rustling!
- God, dude!
I was going to say that bit!
Well, go on then.
Sheep rust... Sheep rustl...
You've said it now...
It's bloody ruined.
Sheep wrestling?
Not wrestling sheep, rustling.
It’s like when you round up sheep,
like what cowboys do,
but with sheep, not cows.
So we're not cowboys, then?
No, cowboys are useless,
they're lame. We're sheepboys,
- brethren.Woo-hoo!
- Sheepboys!
I'm starving and I've had about 12
vodkas. Come on.(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
(MAN)'Good evening Miss Croft,
this is Tuma
calling from your alarm company.'
Who?'Tuma.'Wrong person, mate,
I haven’t got an alarm.
Oh, hang on.
♪ MABLE JOHN: Your Good Thing
(Is About To End)
I had it all.
Fucking Stringfellow
level of success.
Top of the world. (SNIFFS)
Then she came along.
She swooped down,
with her nasty acrylic talons
and she dug 'em in.# (SONG FADES)
She dug 'em into this empire
which I raised from the dirt
and she fucking tore the arse
right out of my heart.
Oh dear.
Oh, shock, he's here again.
- Ah, Miss Croft.
- Yeah.
What's he...what are doing here?
It’s my fucking club.
- No, it’s not.
- It seems,
although the emergency contact
details have been updated
with your number,
Mr Tom is still on the system too.
Alright, so what’s the score?
As you can see,
the safe...is no longer here.
Holy fucking shit!
Fuck! Shit! Shit!
Fuck! Fuck!
This is you, this, isn’t it?
This is you!
I’ve been in the pub all night.
Why would I steal the safe
from me own club?
Cos it’s not your club anymore
and you’re a spiteful,
vindictive little shit!
Perhaps we should call the police.
No. No police.
The interesting thing is that
whoever came in,
had keys.
Weren't fucking me!
This guy is clearly
the brains of the operation.
He’s wearing the quality tights,
obviously a high denier,
anything below a 40 denier
and you’re risking being recognised.
I’d say these are an 80, maybe 100.
However, his friend isn’t as clever,
in fact I’d go as far as to say
he has a brain deficiency,
because he’s chosen to wear
fishnet stockings over his head.
Fucking hell.
Ronnie.
On the telly?!
Ronnie? Your Ronnie?
I told you it weren’t me.
Told you. It's your fucking Ronnie.
Do you know this person?
That there is her brother.
♪ UNLOVED: Love
Oh dear.
Ronnie! Ronnie!
Erin.
I can see the curtains twitching,
you stupid twat!
Get down here now
and open the fucking door!
Here we are. Oh, fuck!
Ronnie?
# (MUSIC CONTINUING)
Get the fuck up! You shitbag.
You went ABOVE my dick. Right up.
Don't do that, OK?
It wasn’t me. I was set up.
What wasn’t you, Ronnie?
Ah... Good work, Columbo.
Where’s the fucking safe?
Sorry , it’s just, erm... I was
forced into it.
He said, you’ll do it
otherwise I will hurt your sister.
I said no! I said, no,
I don’t want to do that!
But he forced me... And I said,
I just want to be good.
And do things that’s legal.
- And all I said was... Oh!
- Who?
Fuck!
Who...are you talking about?
It’s Keithy, OK?
Who?
Keithy McBride. The Special K.
The Big Mac. McDaddy.
Mac and cheese. No?
We were cellmates in Grantham
for bar time.
The next thing you know,
we started overtaking the joint.
Special K and the Ronnie C
going live and loud.
And large. Just running
every little gaff,
every little set-up,
every little scam,
every little scheme. We were like,
right let’s get out there. We became
partners... I fucking tell you,
Erin, he is good at stuff.
- I want that safe.
- OK. Alright.
I get it. I'll get it for ya.
I'm being serious.
I promise I’ll get it for yer,
it’s just gonna have to be
in the morning. For fuck's sake...
It's just, time-wise,
getting over there -
No. No. Not tomorrow. Now!
Where the fuck do we find him?
He’s like a fucking master criminal.
He just...he just moves like that,
like a ghoul.
Like a fucking spectre.
And the next thing you know, he does
a job
and like a fucking puff of smoke,
mate, he is just gone.
And he is right
into the fucking clouds
or something.
Then it starts raining,
you're like, is that fucking Keithy?
Where the fuck do I find him,
- eh?
- Alright, Erin,
I’ll tell yer. I’ll tell yer.
Mr McBride? Mr Keith McBride?
It’s Hawley Police here, sir.
I’m afraid a vehicle
has collided with yours
on Mayfield Street. We have
an officer down there at the moment.
Yeah.
Keithy?
Who’s asking?
Where’s the fucking cops?
My name is Erin,
I’m Ronnie Croft’s sister. The safe
that you stole belonged to me.
Eh? I don’t know
what you’re fucking talking about.
That wasn’t my fucking money!
Right? So... Right.
...what’s your problem, then?
The guy that money belongs to
is called Terence McCann.
He’s my fucking problem.
Get it down!
If I tell him what’s gone on,
he will be your fucking problem
as well, alright?
And despite our Ronnie
being a fucking half-wit,
I don’t want to see him get hurt,
- alright?
- Right.
Fuck your Ronnie,
fuck Terence McCann
and fuck you too. (LAUGHS)
I'm getting it back. Right?
Yeah?
Yeah.
You fucking prick!
- Oh my God!
- Get in the car!
(COMMOTION)
Come here!
You’re smashing your own car up,
you fucking lunatic.
Sugar, get in the fucking car.
Jesus Christ, he is a fucking loon,
that one. And what the fuck is
going on, like?
What are you doing mixed up with
Terence McCann’s money?
I’m laundering it for him, alright?
Through the club.
You can’t tell a soul, Carol, OK?
You’re off your fucking head
getting involved with him.
I didn’t have a choice, did I?
No-one can know, right?
How much did he get away with?
30 grand was McCann's,
then there was a stack of cash
belonged to Vinnie’s from the cars.
Oh, shit...
How’s Vinnie not going to find
out about this, like? And what’s
McCann gonna do
when he hears his 30 grand
is missing?
He’s not gonna find out.
Cos I’m getting it the fuck back.
Wait a minute. (VOMITS)
We haven’t got time for this.
It’s alright, I feel better now,
actually.
OK. Let’s go get him.
Am I right? I’m fucking right.
Fucking right, let’s go get him.
Come on!
(ALL YELL)
Oh!
Oh, fuck!
♪ LITTLE WILLIE JOHN: No Regrets
Oh my God.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, Jesus!
Oh!
(VOMITS)# (MUSIC ENDS)
Erin!
Shit!
Oh!
Please, please tell me
I didn’t just -Yeah... you just
ran over his fucking head.
Oh my God,
- he’s right under your seat!
- Oh, God!
He's proper stuck under there, like.
- Is he alive?
- Fuck knows.
You’ll have to pull forwards
or backwards till we get him out.
- What?!Let's phone an ambulance.
- No,
we have no time for that, we just
got to get him out of there fast.
Oh shit, oh shit!
Erin.
OK, I’m doing it. I’m doing it.
(STRAINS, YELLS)
That’s it, that’s it, you’re doing
- great.
- Yes! I can see his head!
That’s it. We can see the head.
We can see the head. That’s it.
That’s it. That’s it.
Er, can I get an ambulance, please?
There’s been an accident.
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Apart from fucking knocking him
down. He’s dead
as a fucking doornail.
Give me that fucking phone.
- Oh, Jesus.
- This can’t be happening.
This can’t be happening.
Are you sure he’s not asleep?
Yeah. Just because he’s got
no pulse, doesn’t mean he’s dead.
Sugar, I was a nurse.
A nurse in a porno, Carol,
for 20 minutes.
Not exactly qualified, are yer?!
No, look, there's pulse,
no breathing, no nothing.
Tyre tracks across the face.
He’s fucking toast. Now, listen,
I don't want to say too much,
but I might have been in a situation
very similar to this one
a while back in Rhyl.
- OK?
- Jesus Christ. Let’s just phone
the police and let’s just tell them
what happened.
No. No. No. No. No police. No.
You’ve got a little boy to think of.
That’s precisely who I am thinking
- about, Carol.
- We’ll just tell them
it was just an unfortunate,
- freak accident.
- Yes.
Freak accident?
What? That he accidentally ran over
his own fucking head, twice?
Girls! Think!
We’ve got to make this problem
disappear, just like that thing
in Rhyl that never happened.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck
am I even doing?
I didn’t even want to come out
tonight. My fucking life is ruined
in the space of
five fucking minutes.
OK. Alright.
No-one knows we were ever here,
yeah? And this prick
spent the majority of his life
robbing people and disappearing.
So no one’s gonna bat an eyelid
if he disappears again.
What are you saying, Erin?
Ah, right.
I think what she’s saying is,
we take nobbo here
off for a farewell lap
in his own car up into the moors,
bury him
and we never speak of this again.
But we need to act now
and everyone needs to be on board.
OK.
No bother, c’mon. Let’s do it.
- Come on.Let's go.
- OK.
You get his hands.
Whaaayyyyy! Someone’s
had a good night!
I mean, the smell! Piss and shit.
(SHEEP BAAING)
You've got to remember
that sheep are like people.
A bit thick.
If one of them does summat,
all the others do the same.
So it’s like a game of tig?
- And the sheep like it?
- Yeah. Oh,
yeah, they fucking love it! Yeah!
Remember playing here
when we were kids?
I miss it, man.
We've grown up now. Got busy.
(PHONE RINGING)
Fuck.
Is that Sam?
What are you doing?
Dude, she's incredible!
I tell you what,
you are going to wreck that
and then you are going to
fucking come moaning to me.
Fuck.
I’m terrified,
to be honest with you.
Dude, she’s nice. She’s smart.
She’s funny. The only thing
wrong with Sam
is that she’s got an unhealthy
attraction to pikey-looking fuckers
like you.(LAUGHS)
Dude, you’re waiting for a bus
that is just never going to turn up.
Whereas Sam likes you. And if
you keep dragging your heels,
you’re going to fuck everything up.
It’s not her that terrifies me,
it’s the relationship bit,
y’know? I’ll tell yer,
she’s only gonna end up working out
why no-one should ever be with me
in a relationship.
She’ll end up fucking off
like the rest of them.
So you're gonna pre-empt that
by just never going
out with her in the first place.
Is that it?
Yes.
Ach, I mean...
Do you know what, in fairness,
sounds like a pretty sound approach
to finding happiness, so fair play.
What are you two sheepboys doing?
Just cotching.
Argh! Shit! Shit!
Oi!
Shit! Shit!
Fucking language! What's going on?
- Shit!What?
- I fucking fell in shit!
(LAUGHS)
It's what God does to dickheads.
Come on. Get down that end of
t'field, they've all gone. Come on.
I can't get it shut!
It's his hand! It's poking out.
No, the fucker's too big.
Carol, stop, stop, stop, stop.
He's not gonna fit, is he?
Shit!
What the fuck are we gonna do, like?
This is creepy as fuck.
Not too slow, Erin. We don't want
to be conspicuously slow.
All the windows are smashed in,
Carol. I don't speed's the issue.
Whoa, watch out!
Round them up!
♪ MINISTRY OF SOUND: Let's All Chant
Get him off! Get him off!
He likes you, doesn't he?
Why didn't you put a seatbelt
on him?
What would I do that for?
He's fucking dead.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
That's perfect, Erin.
There’s hundreds of cars down there.
They’ll never find him. Jesus,
he is an awful fucking prick anyway.
He got put -
Shut...up... Carol.
I'm only trying to help.
Right, then.
Let’s do it. (CLEARS THROAT)
- You get his legs.
- Jesus, he is
a big one. Fucking huge.
(STRAINS) Come on, you big fucker!
We need to get him so it looks like
- he’s been driving.
- Shut up, Sugar!
You're not fucking helping!
- I am just saying.
- Shut the fuck up!
- Shut the fuck up!
- Yeah, you just
stand there, Sugar, for fuck's sake.
♪ HADDAWAY: What Is Love?
So much for being discreet, Carol.
For fuck's sake...
Get off, you!
No, no, no, hang on,
what’s he caught on?
Ah, it’s this stick.
- Woah.
- Shit! Shit!
Aw, fucking dog shit!
Fucking shit.
Ah well, that’s him off so.
♪ (HADDAWAY SONG CONTINUING)
Oh...!
- Wha'?!
- You’ve got to be kidding me.
That’s meant to be
a bottomless lake.
♪ (SONG ENDS)
# NICK WATERHOUSE: Song For Winners
We did it! We won!!
Yay!
Dude, your pants stink of shite!
Just throw them out the window!
A few years left in them yet.
- Leave them.
- What was the point
in taking them off and then
just leaving them in here?!
Where are we taking the sheep now?
Where do you think we’re taking 'em?
On holiday?
Blackpool?
Have you ever had a doner kebab?
Hey, Jim -S’alright, let me
- handle this.Gentle.
- Right,
you know what an abattoir is?
That's worse, you dickhead!
What are you doing?
Well, where are we going, then?
I thought they just wanted to have
a ride in the lorry. Like us.
They do.
They do. They do.
They do. No. He's right. They do.
Yeah, they do.
Every now and again we will drive up
to the fields, y’know.
Game of tig. Bit of hide and seek.
Take their minds of being sheep
for a bit.
And they we just...
After that we just...
And then what?
Take them home and put them in bed.
So am I...!
Just turn it round.
We could take them down Steep Lane,
that’s like
going down a rollercoaster.
We should take them down Steep Lane.
That is the sickest of ideas!
Wait till you see it
with the lights out.(ALL SCREAM)
Jesus Jim, put the lights back on!
Whaa-haaaay!
That was close.
Let’s move the fucker.
Sugar, slow it down.
What do you mean? It's not me!
Jesus!
Fucking hell. This is insane!
What are we gonna do, wheel him
around till we get caught?!
It was your idea to put him
in a wheelie bin.
Yes, I know, but what are we doing
now with him?
Why don’t we just fucking, like,
just cremate him there in the bin?
With that, yeah?
I know, or just fucking, like,
bury him like?
I mean no one ever goes in there,
I bet yer.
In there, like. No-one ever goes
in there.
Soft ground. Like Rhyl. Come on.
I’ve just done my nails!
C’mon. We’re running out of options
here, it’ll be light
before we know it.
There’s the path, OK? Back it in.
Back it in.
That’s it. Straight up.
Straighten her up. Straight up.
Here’s a car. Just get him out.
Get him out.
What are the fucking chances?!
Dirty fucker's doing a pish.
What?
He's draining his spuds, like.
Jesus Christ...
♪ THE CREATURES: Right Now
For fuck sake, I can’t do it.
That's it. In here. Pull fast! Pull!
That's it. Fucking hell.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
- My fucking wedding ring!
- What?
My wedding ring. I’m after losing
it. It’s buried in there with him.
Oh, fuck. Ah, fuck!
Oh Jesus Christ. Come on.
Right.
Oh, fuck.
Fucking watch out.
Fucking stupid place
to put a fucking sign anyway.
Let’s just go home and pretend
tonight never happened.
Get on with our lives.
Vin.
Mm-hm?
I’ve got something
I need to tell you.
What do you mean, 'dead?' What do
you mean, 'dead?' Properly dead?
Yes. Shush!
Who’s dead?
No-one. Never you mind.
You know, I am beginning to wish
I hadn’t told you about any of this.
Same.
But it doesn’t make any sense.
I'm the dickhead. I'm the idiot,
you’re supposed to be
the sensible one.
What about the gang’s money?
Was that in the -
I am working on it.
- It’s gone!
- Shush!
Morning.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Morning.
It’s the morning time.
So you told him, then?
- Sugar, I'm sorry.You two,
- I lay
awake all night, it was in my head -
I can’t fucking believe this!
♪ IRMA THOMAS: It's Raining
Thomas?
- Vincent?Can I help you?
- Yeah,
you can help me actually, Erin.
By stopping leaving
snide little notes for me
around my club. How about that?
Well, you are not my priority
right now. First of all,
it’s not your club, Tommo. And they
are not snide little notes. They are
chores for you to do
around the place. I know you like
to think of yourself
as some little emperor
lording it around, giving it
the big 'un, but it doesn’t wash
with me Tommo. Either do it
- or fuck off.
- How's about this,
then?
I’m not fucking doing it!
I don’t give a shit either way, Tom.
Either you do it or you won’t.
And if you won’t, I’ll fire you
and I’ll get someone else to do it.
Either way,
someone is picking the chewing gum
and the pubes out of them urinals,
right?!
Fine. I’ll do it.
But not because you want me to,
cos I want to do it.
Hah! Who’s won that one, then? Me.
You guys are not going to believe
what happened to me last night.
My God, you gotta check this out.
Fuck sake, what now?
'Hello and welcome to another
episode of Fishing with JJ.'
'Tonight we’re on the hunt for perch
and I am also going to be talking
about hair-rigging your worms.'
Who cares about worms and fish?
Let me spin it forward,
it’s worth it. I promise.
- What lake is that?
- Demdike Quarry.
Who cares what fucking lake it is?
Here you go. 'That’s right, you sexy
little perch you. You know
you want it. Stop teasing, come on.'
What’s wrong with yer?
'Don't be shy.'
Holy fuck!'Flipping hell! Did you
guys see that?! A flipping car
just fell out the bastard sky,
bruv!' Police are down there now.
They have got fucking divers
and everything. But get this, yeah?
There’s absolutely
no trace of the driver.
(PHONE RINGS) Fuck sake...
Ash? Yes, mate, did you watch it?
It’s gonna go fucking viral, innit?!
I’m round at Sugar’s. Come over.
Have you heard?
The word is out all over town.
Police are down at the quarry.
Keithy McBride is on the missing
- persons list.
- Oh fuck me, no.
I feel sick.
I can’t believe we've been
- that stupid?
- Carol, you were
the one saying it was a good idea!
(KNOCKING)
This is a ladies-only
conversation.
The fuck it is! Let me in.
What you gonna do,
bury me in a shallow grave
in the fucking woods, dickheads?
Erin, I can’t believe you told him.
Listen to me. You gave me
such a bollocking
for bringing Cardi home
with his arse out
and you’ve killed a man!
Erin, you were meant to keep that
quiet, like that thing
that happened in Rhyl.
What happened in Rhyl?
Nothing.
- Exactly.
- Right.
Fuck me, this is getting serious.
Who else knows about it?
- No-one.
- No-one.
Good.I...had to offload it
to someone. The burden
was too strong.
Cardi?
- Aye.What?!
- Fucking hell.
Carol...
Did anyone see you?
No.
- No-one. No-one.
- Thank fuck.
Except...except for that hen party
that walked past.
A group... of people.
And the police officer when we were
wheeling him down the hill.
What, a policeman saw you?!
He waved at us.
He fucking waved at you?!
- What, he saw you with the body?!
- No,
no, the body was in a...a bin.
Why was he in a fucking wheelie bin?
It was easier to manoeuvre.
Of course. What did you do with
his stuff? The things he had on him.
His wallet. His phone.
His keys? Anything that might...
Honest to fucking God...
There is a body now
in a shallow grave
and he has got his fucking phone
on him?! What if
a fucking dog walker hears it
and answers the fucking thing?
Oh, the fucking documentaries,
the murder documentaries are sick.
They fucking track your phones
and that how they find...that’s how
they find...criminals.
Sounds really bad when you say it
- like that.
- Really frigging bad.
- Frightening.
- I mean, honestly,
the police could be banging
on that fucking door any second.
(KNOCKING) (THEY YELL)
Can someone take me to school now?
Absoshagginglutely...
Get down them stairs.
A fucking dead body.
What the bloody hell is he
talking to me about a dead body for?
Guys, what is going on?!
- Hi.
- Alright?
Oh! Here he is, Mr Worldwide
internet star, Jehan Javani
in the flesh.
(CHUCKLES)
Faces like slapped arses. Who died?
(LAUGHS)
Right, you have a good day, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Give me a cuddle.
- See you later.
- Love you, Mum.
Love you.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?(MAN) 'Hello, Erin.
Wondered if we could have a chat.'
Who is this?
Hang on a minute, this is
a fucking...this is a murder!
All I’m saying is...
All I am saying is...
If it were Erin’s fault then
we should shop her in to the police.
(PHONE RINGS)
She’s killed once -
she’s got a taste for it now,
- none of us are safe.
- Fuck me.
Erin? Erin! Clip him, dickhead.
Erin, where are you, love?
I've been brought in
- for questioning.
- What?!
What the fuck?!
Hang on a minute... Just say...
No... No comment to everything.
Stay calm and promise me
you’ll look after Tyler for me.
Stop it, this is fucking ridiculous!
What are they... What fucking
questions are they asking you?
Something to do with
the disappearance of someone
called Keith McBride. I don’t know,
I don’t anything yet.
Listen to me, cos this is important.
I need you to look after Tyler
for me if need be.
Tell me you can do that, Vin?!
Erin... Sweetheart -
Vin. Tell me.
Of course I'll look after him,
I’m his fucking dad! Sweetheart,
please!
I've gotta go.
No! Erin! Fuck! Fuck!
What?
They can’t charge her
without a body. Can they?
Right, we need to find this body
fast.
Right. This is Corby Woods. Pull in.
Jesus wept...
What is all this shit?
Carol said there was a sign
or summat.
Was it that sign there maybe?
Come on. We don’t have much time.
Oh, nice. Yeah man. Chop some trees
innit.
That looks about right.
Oh, yeah, check me out, dude!
Be careful, Cardi.
Oh yeah Cardi, look at my one?
Like a tomahawk,
from a lovely native American boy,
maybe you want to...
Maybe I could have a loan of -
- No, you’re alright.
- Just hold it
for a second and have a go on it -
Ashley. Ashley, listen.
We are going to go out in them woods
and spread out yeah? We are
looking for a knobhead
in a shallow grave.
Let’s go. Let’s do it.
Yeah, now...
Where do we start?
I mean, look at the fucking size
of it.
Listen, don’t panic,
Cardi is on the phone to Carol now,
should give us an idea
where the fucker is lying.
Yeah, thanks. Alright.
See you later, yeah. Love you.
Love you too, bye.
OK. So she says it was pretty dark
last night,
but she’s pretty certain
he’s over near... 'the big tree.'
Just to fuck me in the arse.
- Shall I call her back?
- No.
So the disappearance
of Keithy McBride.
Kind of had this foisted upon us,
what with that video of his
motor in the quarry,
public interest and what-have-you.
People love a mystery.
Me, I couldn’t give a rat’s piss
about Keithy McBride.
But unfortunately, since foul play
is suspected,
it’s kind of my responsibility.
So let me start at the beginning.
For the benefit of the tape,
do you know Keithy McBride?
No.
For the benefit of the tape,
I told you, I don’t know him.
Never heard of him
until you asked me about him.
So I don't understand why I’m here.
OK.
So the next question would be,
why do you suppose that, according
to Keithy McBride’s phone records,
the last person to call him
was...you?
At 11.36 last night.
♪ NICK WATERHOUSE feat LEON BRIDGES:
Katchi
No comment.
This is a lot harder than it looks
and it’s heavy.
- OK.
- How’s it going?
On the job are yer?
Eh? Oh. Yeah.
You know how to use that thing?
Yeah, yeah. Reckon I do, yeah.
Well, if you need a hand,
you be sure to let me know.
Well, maybe I will.
You could do a lot more damage
than his tiny chopper.(LAUGHS)
The fuck was all that?
What?
Just a bit of banter.
That wasn’t just banter.
Get back to work, skiver.
No. You get back to work, you.
Go on, sod off.
Cheeky.
What’s the fucking deal here?
All lumberjacks gay or something?
- Am I invisible?
- They’re not gay.
Why do you think everyone’s gay?
You with that chainsaw.
That’s the only reason
they’re paying you any attention.
It’s like a gay bat signal.
- Pass it over.
- Careful now.
Swap it now. No. It’s mine.
- Swap it Cardi.
- No, I want the
- chainsaw.
- Hand it over.
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
See this necklace?
On a scale of one to ten, how
surprised do you reckon I’m gonna be
if we find your prints all over it?
11.42pm, a phone call is made
to emergency services
from your phone.
'Can we get an ambulance, please?
There’s been an accident...
What are you doing?!'
'What the fuck are you doing?
Apart from us knocking him down.
He’s dead as a fucking doornail.'
'Give me that fucking phone back.'
Pretty damning that.
Do you know, Erin,
what cellphone triangulation is?
It’s how we locate a mobile phone,
or a person’s whereabouts.
These are Keithy McBride's
mobile phone's movements
over the past 24 hours.
And these...are yours.
And, amazingly, you appear
to have been
in exactly the same places
as our missing Keithy
for much of last night. Until,
that is, you returned home
and he...he remained behind.
Right here.
In what appears to be these woods
just outside of town.
There’s a SOCO team
on the way to the woods right now.
Do you think they’re going to
find Mr McBride there?
Give me Vinnie
and I’ll see you walk.
Name Vinnie and you’ll go home
to your kid tonight.
Has anyone seen anything?
No, Vincent,
we haven’t seen anything,
cos it’s a fucking wasting of time.
Stop being so grumpy, Willow.
You're just coming down, you!
I am not on a fucking come-down,
Vincent.
Knobhead... I am not on a come-down,
mate.
(SCREAMS)
Shut up, you dickhead!
Keep your fucking voice down.
Fuck!
Fucking hell. Fuck me. Shit.
Get down. Fucking hell. Shush.
Is that it, then, yeah? That’s
gonna be the dead body, right?
If it isn’t, it’ll do
till the right one gets here,
won’t it, you fucking idiot?
What the fuck are you doing?
I am trying to pull him out
of the fucking ground.
We need a distraction or summat.
(COMMOTION)
What the fuck is that?
I think it's Cardi.
A convenient distraction.
♪ PEACHES: Boys Wanna Be Her
Boys, it's the bossman.
Hey! Who are you lot with?
We're with the crew
for the chopping down of the woods
and shit innit sir.
You’ll have to cover him back up
and we’ll get him later.
We take him now. Get his ankles.
(WOMAN OVER MEGAPHONE)
Your attention, please. All work
is to be suspended
with immediate effect.
These woods have been designated
- a crime scene.
- Fucking leave him!
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
(SOMEONE GRUNTS)
Cardi, stop doing that
- grunty thing.
- I didn’t say anything.
You did, you said "eurgh"
and then you grunted.
It wasn’t me.
What the fuck?!
How the fuck is he alive?!
- He was.
- Did you just
fucking knock him out?
Well, he shouldn’t have sneaked up
- on us like that.
- He's been through
enough.
Fucking knocked him out, poor cunt.
Keithy. Keithy, love?
Did nobody check his pulse?
Keithy?
Jesus! For fuck's sake!
Ashley, that's twice!
(SIGHS) Thank fuck he's alive.
# PRIMAL SCREAM: Loaded
Alright, Carl?
No. I’m pretty fucking not.
Keithy McBride was admitted
to St Margaret’s A
half an hour ago.
Alive?!
Yeah. It would seem so.
Keithy McBride is alive?
A few witnesses reported seeing him
drinking heavily last night.
Two women found him staggering
along the road, disorientated,
this morning.
Looks like he fell asleep
- in some woods.
- Is that right?
Wow.
- Shit!Oh, hi.
- Yeah, nice to see you
- too!
- I didn’t mean like that,
I just...it’s nice to see you.
# (MUSIC FADES)
So, you handing yourself in?
No, one of the boys...
Just picking up one of the lads
who got in trouble.
Where are you going?
Off to work at the Crow. You know,
that place you’re avoiding
in case you run into me.
For fuck's sake. I'm not avoiding...
I’ve just been busy.
I’ve not told you
because I worry about you...
- OK.Shut up.
- That’s enough
of that... Alright, then.
Get me the fuck out of here.
-# DJ FORMAT: 2,3.
- Scrape
Wait!
I need to talk to Keithy McBride.
Now.
Fucking hell... Yessss! Keithy!
(GROANS)
Stop saying "eurgh"
and fucking help.
Quick. Move, you fuck.
Let’s fucking go!
# (MUSIC ENDS)
I really need to get hold of Keithy.
No. just stay clear of
the whole thing.
What if he talks, Vin?
Don’t matter.
No-ones gonna believe him
if he does. Fuck him.
I need to get to him, I need
to get that money back.
Listen to me, you.
If it’s the difference between him
getting away with a load of money
and you taking a murder charge,
I'd rather take the hit
on the dough,
y’know? It’s only cash.
♪ HYPNOTIC BRASS ENSEMBLE: Sankofa
Is that our Ronnie?
Come on!
Pull over!
Oi! Ronnie!
Ronnie!
Ronnie, you bell end!
Ronnie, I want
my fucking money back!
We can't hear you,
you fucking idiot!
We can’t hear you Ronnie!
Just give me the money!
I'm saying, I'm fucking wicked
at everything!
We can’t hear what you're saying!
Wait!
I'm getting a fucking sore throat
here!(PHONE RINGS)
Fucking calling me. Right, go on.
Alright, Erin, it’s Ronnie here.
I was saying,
every fucking time
you underestimate me
and you, Vinnie, you skinny twat.
I am an inspiration to many,
Jar told me that, man.
(HORN BLARES)
# (MUSIC ENDS)
♪ OS TINCOAS: CORDEIRO DE NANA
(PHONE RINGS) Now, let's just...
That's really bad. We should leave.
We should.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
♪ (MUSIC ENDS)
(PHONE RINGING)
He’s not gonna give up, is he?
What are you going to do?
I have got a job.
- What is it?
- Bees.
Fuck it. Run away. Run away.
Where are my bees?
Get in...the fucking...cellar!
Ohh...! Scary bee man...
Is that human?
Oh, fuck me. Drink the tramp piss.
And let’s get the fuck out of here.