Boy Meets Girl (2009–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

[thundering]

[music playing]

Hey.

My car's out of petrol.

I heard that-- what--

what are you doing?

It's none of your business.

Bombs built online.

Is the CIA invented Al-Qaidato justify the bombing of Iraq.

How can they have invented them?

I mean who blew up
the Twin Towers?



The Americans did.

What, they bombed themselves?

I because they want a war.

Ain't got no idea
have you what the CIA

have done over the years.

They faked the moon
landings, kill Kennedy.

Now the CIA did
not kill Kennedy.

Yeah right.

Excuse me, is the adhesivestrong enough to fix

skirting board to a wall?

Yeah.
Yeah.

You can glue your kids
to the wall with that.

Sounds ideal.

You know how they
do that, don't you?



No.

It's actually a
chemical process that's

now banned in this country.

So what they did was--
- Donny.

No, no, no.
You're all right.

What they did was they
outsourced to Bangladesh

where they can use reallyyoung kids in a totally

unregulated environment.

Respiratory illnesses
are now the main killer

in that factory.

Thanks for that.

Happy to help.

You shouldn't do
that to customers.

She had it coming.

Hey, do you have a moment?

Oh yeah?

MAN: Did she send
you to [inaudible]??

What?

No.

What you doing tonight?

I'm busy, mate.

Oh shh.

I said Wednesday.

250 quid.

Where is it?

I ain't got it.

Should've thought of
that before you played

the rookie card shark, lad.

Moonrakers Arms, 7:30.

You can start to
paying that debt.

Be there or I'll
come looking for you.

[music playing]

MALE SPEAKER: The first is theflat disc, or flying saucer.

Sometimes hovering in
the air, but always

able to move across the
sky at incredible speed.

The second shape is the
burning ball, or globe.

Harder to categorize
or understand,

these globes can hang inthe air, and then disappear.

Second World War pilots called
these mysterious glowing

orbs the foo fighters.

The third is thecrescent, the shape of one

of the first recorded UFOs.

NEWSCASTER: Those
winds are going

to bring some spells of rainin from the west, as well.

Some of that rain is
going to be heavy.

It's going to be
quite persistent,

and it may produce
some flooding problems.

I'm on my way over.

I don't know.

I'll see you in a bit.

It's in an electricity
generator thingy.

Load of copper wiring.

Van-ful.

Just inside the gate.

Piece of cake.

No guards, no nothing.

You'd be in and out
in five minutes.

Take the van outside.

And then we're even?

It's the first
installment, that's all.

What-- what are you doing?

It's none of your business!

[siren]

Must have been a massiveelectrical current.

Was this the only victim?

As far as we know.

OK, let's go again.

Stand clear.

[charging]

DANNY [VOICEOVER]:
I'm thinking, well, I

must be alive if I'm thinking.

Or-- maybe not.

Maybe the body is dead,but my brain's still alive.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Tell bythat concrete mold that--

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Who's he?

Babes, it's so good tosee you with your eyes open.

FEMALE VOICE: My
throat's like sandpaper.

Yeah.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Well,
that came out weird.

What's going on?

Here you go, baby.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: What
did he just call me?

Oh, you've had
quite an ordeal.

You were-- you wereunconscious for two days.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: No, wait--

Who are they?

I was so scared.

When Jay phoned me, I thought--

sorry.

FEMALE VOICE: You've
got the wrong guy.

Honey, honey, it's OK.

I thought I'd lost you.

FEMALE VOICE: I need a slash.

What?

No, wait, V, you can't.

V-- the doctor said that you--

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: All
right, this is a dream.

This is a dream.

I'm hallucinating.

What have they done to me?

[gasping]

Help!

Come on, let's get
you back into your bed.

[siren]

Tell your friend when yousee him that he's fired.

He was crap at
the job, anyway.

Hey, this isn't a joke.

He's not even
answering his phone.

Danny skiving work isn't news.

OK.

Just concentrate.

Danny Reed.

Daniel Reed.

Daniel Stanley Reed.

Danny.

Hi.

My name is Danny Reed.

Hi.

Hi.

My name is Danny.

Come on.

Come on.

Favorite band, the Ramones.

All time hero, Che Guevara.

Come on, come on, concentrate.

Danny Reed!

[toilet flushing]

Hey.

Brought you some clothes.

I'm all right as I am.

What happened to the blokethat was there with me?

There wasn't
anyone else there.

It was just you.

Come here.

I'm taking you home.

Good to be back.

Oh, all these bouquetsare from everyone at work.

Bill says not to worry
about rushing back.

Siobhan's organized a webpage in your name to raise

funds for the A&E department.

Who were absolutely
amazing, by the way.

Really looked after you well,so I think they deserve that.

It's a dream.

It's a really
weird, vivid dream.

JAY: I mean, the advertisingface will be brilliant.

Oh, yeah, we've
got some of that--

[beep]

Honey?

Have you got any fizzy pop?

Ah.

[belching]

Can I have a bath?

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Somethingreally strange has happened.

I am a real, live woman.

Now, they said plenty of rest,so why don't we just go to bed?

Be right back.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]:
This is not happening.

This is not happening.

Sorry, but I've got
to close these toilets

for essential maintenance.

But-- I don't know who I am.

It's only temporary, sir.

We'll reopen in 10 minutes.

Are all men's loos
as smelly as this one?

If you have a
complaint to make,

put it in writing
to the council.

Are you sure you'regoing to be OK on your own?

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: If I'm
here, where's she gone?

Where have I gone?

Maybe she's me now.

If she's still alive.

[beeping]

DANNY: Hi.

Renegades.

Live the dream and
leave me a message.

[beep]

Hi.

Hi, Danny.

It's Danny.

Look, uh-- ring-- ring
this number and, uh--

and ask for Veronica.

No, sorry, I haven't seen him.

Right.

If you do, can you tellhim Veronica is after him?

Yeah.
Sure.

Thanks.

Can I help you?

What happened to the
bloke in the accident?

Is he alive?

What have you done with him?

What's your name, love?

Excuse, me.

Could you-- could
you help me, please?

I think that I was a woman.

In fact, I'm sure I was.

Oh, god.

Are you all right?

Shouldn't have
left you, you know?

You're-- you're not yourself.

Jay, there's a
reason I'm not myself.

It's because I'm really not--

me.

It's difficult to, uh--

what if I really wasn't me?

What if--

There's no need to explain.

Uh, I've invited Siobhanand Ali around for dinner.

Thought you could usesome, uh, friendly company.

You're kidding me?

By all means, screwing
the Polish au pair.

Mind you, she's
one hell of a woman.

You ever met her?
- No.

Well, put it like this--

I'm not into women,
but if I was--

You know the CIA are fundinga military coup in Venezuela?

Did you know they're planningto overthrow an elected

government while you're
sat there talking

about shagging the nanny?

I think, um, Veronica's
getting a bit tired.

Let's call it a night.

I'll help you clean up.

Thanks.

You seem a bit, uh--

I've, um-- I've been
meaning to call you,

but obviously it's
been a bit tricky.

So-- you said you wanted totell me something that night.

What was it?

If you're worried aboutSiobhan or Jay, I understand.

Neither of them need to know.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Don't tellme she was screwing this moron.

OK.

Look at you, V. You're thegirl who won't leave the house

if you've chipped a nail.

The girl who spends more onlingerie than I do on clothes,

and here you are having dinnerin some sweaty t-shirt and--

not even wearing a bra.

You're not well, love.

You need us.

So let us in.

Tell us what we can
do, and we'll do it.

You can piss off.

V, we're trying to help.

Don't you understand me?

SIOBHAN: We're off.

JAY: Thanks for coming.

Sorry--

I've decided I'm going
to go back to work.

As a journalist.

Get back into the
swing of things.

No way, V. You're
not ready for that.

No.

I've decided.

I think it's best I geton with what I'm good at.

You know, investigating things.

I wouldn't call your
job investigating.

But-- if I flash my ID card,people will speak to me, right?

Love, you're not
going back to work.

I'm not letting you.

[heavy breathing]

Trust me.

I know what I'm doing.

OK.

If that's what you want, but--

hey.

It's me.

What are you scared of?

Just-- just relax.

Take a deep breath.

And let's try and
remember me and you.

And how we were
before the accident.

OK.
OK.

It's all right.

Let's just go to bed, and--

remind ourselves of howwe feel about each other.

You've got to be joking.

Darling, I'm not
trying to scare you,

but we need to connect.

You're not connecting
with me, you pervert!

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Maybethat was a bit too strong.

Come on.

Come on.

Please, please--

[clearing throat]

What do you think I should wear?

There you go.

Veronica.

How are you doing?

Very well, thank you.

Your card?

[beep]

[banging]

Whoa!
Whoa!

Oi, Pete.

Pete.

Spares.

Thanks.

He's not been home.

He's not into his phone.

I know what you're saying,but it's not like him.

Do you want me to help you?

Please.

Oh, hi, Veronica.

Welcome back.

How are you doing?

Hey.

Hi-ya.

Yeah.

Hi.

[phone ringing]

It's this way, silly.

Oh--

[clattering]

WOMAN: Is she all right?

[phone ringing]

Are you feeling OK?

They say it's a
miracle you survived.

Do they?

It's great to have
you back, Veronica.

Thanks.

I took the liberty ofwriting up a few things that

could fill the next few days.

Oh, and there's this new rangeof lipsticks needs reviewing.

All made from biochemical
waste products.

Totally recycled.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: Fashion.

You have got to be joking.

There you go.

Horoscopes.

Where are you going?

Oh-- doing, uh--

research.

DANNY [VOICEOVER]: I can'tbelieve I live like this.

Friend of his, are you?

You tell him he owes
three months' rent,

and I've had enough.

I haven't seen him.

Who are you, then?

His fancy lady?

Get lost, lard ass.

You tell him.

Fiona.

You've got to help me.

Sorry, do I know you?

I'm-- Have you seen Danny?

This woman is
asking after Danny.

Pete.

How do you know my name?

Because it's on your badge.

I'm not wearing a badge.

He might be wandering aroundsomewhere, looking a bit lost.

Listen, my best
mate's missing.

So if you've got something totell me, you'd better say it.

Where-- where do
you think he might be?

Well, we don't know where he.

Is he's a bit, um--

flaky.

A bit unreliable.

Oh, so you don't
care about him, then?

What?

You didn't send
me a birthday card.

What?

You've seen him?

No.

No, I haven't.

But I-- I need to find him.

Tell you what.

I'm going to call security.

Oh, shit.

MALE SPEAKER: An area was builtup around it called Bellevue.

And with that has
come a way of life.

In some cases--

Elton John?

Bloody hell.

You do know you have
the worst record

collection in the entire world?

What are you doing?

What's happened to you?

Oh, give it a rest.

I want Veronica back.

Just a sign.

Just to-- just to see
you do something you do.

Say something you say.

Look at me like
you don't hate me.

I'm not giving up on
you, V. But you're here,

and I'm here, and--

that's how it is.

Now, you might not feelthat you want me right now,

That's the bloke that
came looking for him.

Come on.

Excuse me.

Um-- this is my friend, andhe's a good mate of Danny Reed.

We just wondered if you'dseen him, by any chance?

No.

And if you do, you can tellhim I want my bloody van back.

Right.

What was he doing with your van?

Nicking it, by
the looks of things.

Now, do you mind?

I'm busy.

Last time I saw Danny,Barry sent him off on a job.

I don't know.

Sorry.

I'd better go.

Shouldn't-- shouldn't you begetting ready, too, honey?

[buzzing]

[heavy breathing]

Excuse me.

I'm so sorry to ask.

You couldn't spare me apound, could you, please?

Look, I'm very sorry to haveto ask, but you couldn't-- ah,

you couldn't spare me a pound?

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me-- I'm sorry.

I'm mortified to ask this, butyou couldn't spare me a pound,

could you?
I'm starving.

Of course.

Oh, thank you so much.

You're the only
person who's stopped.

What's your name, love?

I don't know.

Uh-- will you please help me?

I'm sorry.
I--

Please?
Can you, please?

- Look, sorry--
- No?

Fine.

[thunder]

[laughter]

I disagree.

Just because our readerslike a bit of pop culture

doesn't mean that
they're ignorant.

[chime]

What's this?

The horoscopes you asked for.

Scorpio.

Your planet may bealigned with another one.

You may or may not
come into money today.

What's the problem?

Pisces.

Avoid people who arelooking to hurt you, as it

may lead to you being hurt.

It's just a hunch, but do youthink you're being a bit vague?

It's only the horoscopes.

Look, I'm sorry you'vehad an accident, Veronica,

but if you're not wellenough, go home and rest.

[phone ringing]

Hello?
Burton's Post?

Hi.

I need to speak to Veronica.

Is she there?

She's busy right now.

Can I take a message?

Uh, I need to speak to her.

I'm sorry, who is this?

It's Veronica.

You know, wine's not so badafter a couple of glasses.

It's horrible to start with,and then it gets kind of OK.

It's so weird to
hear you say that.

No, I mean--

I like wine.

Don't I?

So it's got even worse.

Any excuse to rub upagainst me or lean over me,

But what can I do?

He's my boss.

And I'm not the only
woman he's done this to.

Why don't you all gettogether and kick his ass?

You're a lawyer.

You've got the kind of jobmost ordinary folk would give

their right hand to
do, and all you can do

is sit there moaning.

I'm talking aboutserious sexual harassment.

And is that the only advice
that you can give me?

What's got into you, V?

Hey, I'm sorry.

Who needs men when
you've got a Rabbit?

It's loads better than
when you're a bloke.

With a bloke.

You're terrible.

You really are.

I admit, they are amazing.

Thank you.

Not quite a substitute forthe real thing, though.

How are things with--

Ali?

Yeah.

Well, who knows?

Why?

Is he-- do you think--

Do I think he's a tosserthat doesn't care about me?

Yeah.

But what's new?

Yeah.

Men, eh?

Idiots.

[laughter]

Oh, god.

It's good to see you
being yourself again,

V. I realize that it's
been very tough for you.

You've been goingthrough some crazy stuff.

It's been-- it's been
really difficult.

If there's anything thatyou want to say to me--

OK.

Have you ever
imagined being a man?

Look, just-- just imagineif I wasn't Veronica.

But you are.

No, but-- what if I was thisman, and now I'm this woman?

And even though it soundscompletely stupid--

what if it was true?

Oh-- I don't know how
anyone can wear these.

They're like
instruments of torture.

Perhaps we should explorethem as part of our not

so ethical foreign policy.

How was your day?

It was an empty, fatuous,vulgar load of nothing.

But then I went for a fewpints with the security guards,

and that was a riot laugh.

You're drunk.

Lay off.

What were you doingdriving out there that night?

Really?

Are you sure?

Do you think I'm lying?

I'm not sure.

You're acting so weird,
it wouldn't surprise me.

I'm not weird.

You-- really?

Before the accident.

After the accident.

Give me that.

And is that supposed to be me?

Give me it.

I-- I don't mind being
ignored and abused.

I don't even mind
the fact that we

have no physical relationship.

[laughter]

Though it would be nice ifyou didn't leave your vibrator

lying on the bedroom floor.

But I can't do this forever.

You mean what if
she's changed for good?

What if the accident was justa wake up call to the fat

that her life, her boyfriend,her friends, and her job

are a bunch of
pointless, tedious crap?

And then what do you do?

Oh, but you love Veronicaso much, don't you?

You'll forgive her anything.

Guys, I had the
weirdest dream.

Birthday card.

Ah?

Birthday card.

I want to do more
your sort of stuff.

You talking to me?

I want to do serious stories.

About-- about cover
ups, conspiracies.

I know a lot about them.

You know, there's such a thingas playing to your strengths.

See, me, I can sniff outa good story at 20 paces.

And you-- your peachy asslooks great in a tight skirt.

Well, looks like you've
got a wee visitor.

Hi-ya.

I've come to ask
you about Danny.

How did you find me?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, I met him in
this pub a few times.

You mean Maker's Arms?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was-- he was hangingaround with the wrong sort.

I know.

I want you to help me find him.

Yes.

Yes, I would love to.

OK.

Well, I know where he lives.

So we could try there first.

Great.

Great.

Come on.

I'm going out.

Where?

Oh-- big piece
on street style.

You know, eyeshadow and shoes.

Tried knocking
a million times.

There's never anyone here.

How did you know that--

Most people leave theirkeys somewhere near the door.

What a dump.

He hasn't been back since.

How do you know?

Just, uh, get that sense.

Doesn't feel recently lived in.

Is that, like, a
journalist know how?

Yeah.

Yeah, after a while, youget to know these things.

Do you, uh-- do
you know him well?

Not really, no.

I mean, he's sweet.

A bit weird.

He's got a thing about me.

And you know what boys are like.

Subtle as a brick.

Maybe he was justtrying to be your friend?

Yeah, maybe he was.

Didn't have money,
that's for sure.

Right, um-- so
what do we do now?

Well-- he might've
had a bump on the head.

He could be wandering
around, confused.

Why do you think that?

Just a hunch.

Then maybe we should advertiseI mean the Big Issue there.

Yeah, good idea.

And Vogue.

Vogue?

Yeah.

A range of magazines.

And, um, what
about the police?

No.

Not just yet.

If you say so.

Just trust me.

OK.

Right, I, um--

I'd better get back to work.

OK.

Look, um, just-- call
me if you hear anything.

That's my card.

Right.

OK.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Right.

Sorry.

After you.

OK.

And we'll show
you what we know,

and what still
remains mysterious.

And then you can decide
whether enough is known,

or whether a further
inquiry is essential.

Our story begins two monthsbefore Diana's death.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Well, I wentto see Diana [inaudible]..

Listen-- I've, uh--

I've been doing
a lot of thinking

about near-death experiences.

And I've realized that, um--

I'm making a terrible mistake.

We were the happiest couplealive before the accident.

And I'm an idiot if I thinkthat's just gone overnight.

I understand now why--
why you're pushing me.

The psychology of it all.

You're pushing me away
because you're scared.

You're scared in case youdie, and you leave me alone.

You've convinced yourselfthat it's easy-- it's

less selfish just to be single.

But the thing is--

darling, you're
not going to die,

and I'm never going to letyou out of my sight again.

Please!

You've got to help me!

My name is Ver--

[SINGING] I can't
see me loving nobody

but you for all my life.

When you're with
me, baby, the skies

will be blue for all my life.

When you're with
me, baby, the skies

will be blue for all my life.

Me and you, and you and me, nomatter how they toss the dice,

it had to be.

The only one for me is
you, and you for me.

So happy together.