Boston Legal (2004–2008): Season 1, Episode 2 - Still Crazy After All These Years - full transcript

- Previously on Boston Legal.
- Hey. I'm Brad Chase from D.C.

- I think that's my seat.
- I'm sorry.

We're not territorial about
that sort of thing around here, are we?

- I was handling it.
- I just thought I'd help out.

That's very nice.
But again, I was handling it.

- So why does it bother you that I'm trying to help?
- Wait a minute.

- You two have had sex.
- We can't tail the wife.

Ernie Dell is one of
our biggest clients.

If he wants a private investigator,
what's the real harm?

- I'm the one sleeping with his wife.
- I'm sorry?

- Shore. He makes fun of me.
- But I'm a big fan of your Aqua Velva commercials.



- It's not right. He calls me a Ken doll while he...
- Plays with your Barbie?

Completely mindful of the fact
that you helped build this place...

the partners here will not allow you
to dismantle it with your buffoonery.

They're not going to take
the firm from you.

I'm not worried, Lori.
Do I look worried? Look out there.

My domain. My city.

I'm Denny Crane.

The bat's on the run!

You have 30 minutes.

I have to say I find this very strange.

I always thought I'd be the one
visiting you in a mental hospital.

I'm excited about tomorrow.

Please tell me we have a shot.

I don't know how much longer
I can take it in here.



We have a shot.

I'll get you out.

I don't need to hear it, Alan.
I need it to happen.

The board will question you directly.

It's entirely possible
they'll try to provoke you.

Make sure I'm bombproof.

- Sorry?
- It's an expression with horses.

To be safe to ride a horse,
it needs to be bombproof.

It doesn't spook easily.
Can't have one whojust flies off.

Yes. In addition to not flying off,
you need to show contrition.

They like to see that you're sorry.

I am.

L... I am so sorry.

So deep... deeply ashamed.
How do I say it right?

Just like that.

Christine, you were in love with a man
who was unworthy of you...

who made you doubt everything
that you had a right to count on...

who perhaps even toyed
with your sanity.

Still, no excuse for trying to kill him.

Perhaps he had it coming.

Perhaps you did.

Why is it we agreed
to bifurcate the trial?

There's been no claim for
punitive damage, only compensatory.

But our fear was the jury could be
so outraged, they might artificially...

inflate compensatories as a de facto puni,
so we opted to bifurcate.

Separate juries... one for liability,
one for damages. The client concurred.

Do you do tongue push-ups?

This is a staff meeting.

I encourage all to conduct themselves
professionally, keeping in mind...

that remarks are tantamount
to assertive conduct.

Lansing versus Mahoney.

Hospital settled out.
Deposition of Dr. Mahoney is today.

- We're hoping to make some movement on that as well.
- Lot of eyes are on us.

We've got an H.M.O. On the bubble here
waiting to see how this lawsuit is restored.

- I assume you've prepared for today's deposition?
- Actually, Denny's taking it.

Denny's taking the deposition?

Yes.

Wouldn't it be better to save Denny
for trial? Roll out the big gun later?

Roll out the big gun now,
this won't be a trial.

Move along, Paul.

In re: Christine Pauley.

Mine. Ex-girlfriend tried to kill me.

- This is the commitment proceeding?
- She was committed.

This hearing is to secure her release.

Wait a second.
She tried to kill you.

- She did.
- And now she wants out?

- She does.
- And you're trying to help her get out?

I am.

Hmm.

- You're angry with me.
- I'm just busy, okay?

I'm not gonna even discuss
the absurdity...

of representing an ex-lover
who tried to kill you.

But how do you not
at least tell me?

That isn't something
that I should know?

- I wanted to surprise you with it.
- You think it's funny?

You think it's appropriate for me
to learn about it in a staff meeting?

Forgive me.
As you can imagine...

I haven't kept up with
the boyfriend/ girlfriend regulations.

What I can say is...

she's a client and a friend...

that I'm trying to free from
the clutches of an overreaching asylum.

You keep calling it an asylum.
This is a psychiatric hospital.

I mean no disrespect, Doctor,
but the word "hospital"implies treatment.

- And she has gotten treatment.
- Is she less crazy?

Excuse me?

As a result of your treatment,
is she less crazy?

Crazy is not a medically
recognized term, Mr. Shore.

As I've just explained, Christine
has what the D.S.M. Refers to...

as Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

Then please tell us,
is she less intermittently explosive?

- She has improved.
- And to what do you attribute that?

- Primarily, the pharmacological regimen.
- Pills?

25 milligrams each of three different
antipsychotics administered three times daily.

Then maybe it's a good thing
she's here. That sounds like...

a very complicated protocol
to administer on one's own.

- Indeed.
- How do you know she actually takes these pills?

- Obviously, we keep very careful records.
- I'm sure you do.

But hypothetically, suppose there was
a patient who felt she didn't belong here...

felt that she'd entered
your hospital quite troubled...

but essentially sane and was
being driven insane by this institution?

Maybe she's a New York University
graduate, a respected attorney.

A charming, intelligent,
sensitive, funny woman.

A fully functional person
with the exception of one incident.

So each and every time
your orderlies come around...

with your 75 milligrams of powerful
antipsychotics for her to swallow...

she hides the tablets under her tongue
and saves them day after day.

A growing collection
of thoroughly unnecessary medication...

that her primary psychiatric caregiver
wants to shove down her throat.

Are you asking if this
hypothetical scenario could happen?

- I am.
- It could not. We keep very careful records.

Look, I don't see why
I need to be present.

A part of her emotional distress claim goes to
how you informed her of her husband's death.

I've been a surgeon for 30 years.

If there's a pleasant way
to tell a family a patient died...

We're gonna need
your response to her account.

We're in Conference Room 1.
We'll be right in.

Thank you.
Come on, Carrie.

Why can't I just review the transcript?
I really don't want to sit in that room.

We don't need you
to do or say anything.

We just need you
to sit there and listen.

Brad?
One second, please.

You can't let him
first chair this deposition.

- Paul, he's insisting...
- First of all, the case could turn on this proceeding.

And second, as I mentioned,
we have several medical corporations...

potential clients,
taking a key interest...

Hey, guys.
What are we talking about?

It looks interesting from afar.
Anything I might enjoy?

What's this case about, Denny?

The deposition you're about to conduct,
what's it about again?

A man died during angioplasty,
leaving him dead. Tragic.

He even described the procedure
as common. So for...

One of your allegations goes to...

how Dr. Mahoney informed you
of the tragic outcome.

Hejust came out and said my husband
had a cardiac arrest and was dead.

He just turned and walked away.

But he said he was gonna
talk to me later.

Do you make room
for the possibility...

that Dr. Mahoney himself
was devastated at this time?

The patient was my husband.

Whatever pain he had...

These are difficult questions.

You're, um...

40 pounds lighter since
before your husband's death?

Yes.

- Dating again?
- Objection. This certainly has no relevance.

All objections have been waived
till the trial.

Except for the form of the questions, sport.
This your first deposition?

- This is not my first deposition.
- Well, then play by the rules.

Don't make me move for costs,
which she'll end up paying.

In this last year,
would you say you've had...

more or less sex since
the time of your husband's...

- Objection!
- All right. This is a tough deposition for everybody.

Let's just try to get through it.
Denny?

More or less sex this past year?

My physical relationship
with my husband had waned...

partly because of his heart condition.

We remained very much in love.

And did you go on lots of trips together,
you and your husband?

Some.
He was very busy with work.

Did he regularly tell you how incredibly...
incredibly beautiful you are?

Did you wear this perfume
when your husband was alive?

- I believe I did.
- That's magnificent.

All right.
This deposition is over.

- Why?
- It's over. Come on, Carrie.

All right.
Off to court we go, cub scout.

Oh, we'll be going into court, all right.
We're done here.

The fact that she was
secretly refusing to take her medication...

does not persuade us of progress.

But it does show she's capable of going
six months unmedicated without incident.

Mr. Shore, you were her lover.

Any bias I might have
in favor of Christine...

would be more than offset
by the fact that she tried to kill me.

Frankly, we're insulted by that. It might get you
a spot on Good Morning America, but...

I'm trying to get her
a spot of freedom.

- Freedom is a privilege, Mr. Shore, not a right.
- A privilege?

Yes, and it's revocable, especially if you try
to run someone over with an automobile.

Christine Pauley is well.

You have an affidavit from three
independent psychiatrists who evaluated her.

And likely made her sign waivers
as soon as you paid them.

The only reason you're holding her...

is you're afraid of being sued
should she do something.

We're afraid she'll hurt herself
or someone else, you cynical snot!

Is liability to the hospital a factor?
Yes.

We can't treat patients
out of bankruptcy.

I hardly see how
that makes me a snot.

She's in here because of one isolated
incident she's not likely to repeat.

You can gaze
into some crystal ball...

I can gaze into her. I saw the look
in her eyes the day she was brought here.

I saw the look in her eyes
which led to her being brought here.

She had that look then.
She does not have it now.

Who would be this woman's guardian?
Why is no one here to present...

Her parents would serve as guardians.
You'll find their affidavit...

- They live in Illinois.
- Where Christine would be going upon release.

- And until she gets to Illinois?
- Until then, I will be her guardian.

Miss Pauley?

Well, at the risk of also sounding biased,
I agree with him.

This is not a parole board.

This is not a prison.

As you say, Dr. Gill,
this is a hospital.

And when patients are healed,
they're let out of hospitals.

Coffee not good?

Oh, no. I was just
thinking about something.

- Yeah, I do that.
- Mmm.

Thinking about what?

It's kind of private.

You know, I'd stake out a little distance
from that Shore guy, Sally.

He tends to leave people's minds
a little worse off than he finds them.

- His old girlfriend, case in point.
- You two discussing cases?

I wasn't aware you provided
emotional counsel as well as legal, Lori.

- That's quite a perk.
- A woman tries to kill you, you go to represent her.

You don't think there's
a pathology at play here?

- I refer to yours.
- I got the reference, thank you.

Speaking as an enormously
unlikable person, I find it difficult...

to maintain grudges against
all those who wanna kill me, don't you?

Yes. You'll perhaps find
that witty comeback in your office.

He's got a motion for costs,
for sanctions.

He's ordered a transcript so he can
read back to the judge what you said today.

- Good. Then I won't have to bother trying to remember.
- Damn it, Denny.

You're way out of line.
This woman has just lost a husband.

You're asking her questions
about her sex life, her perfume.

- I know what I'm doing.
- Which is?

It'll come to me.

That lawyer is going to pick you apart
in open court tomorrow.

- Let him try. Denny Crane.
- Listen to me.

Do you know why
I was brought here?

The firm thinks that
you are becoming a liability.

They wanted me to control you.

Who thinks I'm a liability?

It doesn't matter.

Who?

Denny, where you were
once something to aspire to...

you're now becoming
something to parody.

You walk around saying
"Denny Crane, Denny Crane"...

like it's supposed to intimidate
or conjure up awe.

You're a complete joke.

If that gets me fired, so be it.

I'm saying it just the same.
You know why?

'Cause I love you.
I adore you.

But it hurts to see you
deteriorating into a...

Get the hell out of my office.

You didn't have
to get me a hotel room.

- I didn't. You're staying in my place.
- I beg your pardon?

I won't get fresh.

- You live in a hotel?
- I do.

What happened to your big, grotesque house
with your more grotesque swimming pool...

and your even more
grotesque rumpus room?

I sold it. I require a lot of fresh towels
and nightly turndown service.

Why would you live in a ho...

Oh, l-I see.

The comfort of being able
to check out on a whim.

You know, as much as you've explained it,
you've never really explained it.

I demand only one thing in a relationship,
Christine... that I remain utterly alone.

- Nice out, Alan.
- I'm sorry?

Even in conversation,
you always have a nice out.

I did my best to control him.

And the other attorney
has brought a motion for sanctions?

- Which he wants to argue himself.
- My God.

We count on you to help prevent
these kinds of situations, Brad.

Paul, I'm a relativelyjunior partner.
What exactly do you expect me to do?

If that man gets up in open court...

Excuse me. The man can still
handle himself in court.

Oh, please. The only possible good
that could come from his...

Is he adamant about
arguing this himself?

I'm afraid so.

Well, I guess we can't say no.

His name is still first
on the letterhead.

Let him argue.

We're up early.

I've been up since 6:00, actually.

I've been waiting for you to get up
so I could say good-bye.

There's a cab outside waiting.

- I thought your flight's at 11:00.
- I'm going to the airport early.

Ridge upped the security
to level mauve.

- Let me drive you.
- No.

L... I'd prefer to...

Thank you... for getting me out.

For forgiving me.

Well... Well, that's it, creep.

Mmm.

I better go.

Call me when you land.

- I just think I should argue it.
- Why?

So you can control me?
Nobody controls me.

Denny, you're the subject of the hearing.
I'm certainly gonna have more objectivity...

I'll argue the motion. When Denny Crane
gets attacked, he stands up for himself.

I don't need you or anybody else
controlling or protecting me.

- You're not going to court in this state.
- Brad, you can join me or not.

Your choice.

- What's going on?
- He still plans to argue it himself.

- The partners said let him.
- I know, but I thought...

You know why
they're saying "let him"?

A public debacle on record
is just what they need...

to convince the full partnership
in January to broom him.

- What?
- Yeah. They want him to self-destruct, Brad.

They obviously think
losing a few clients is worth losing him.

You cannot let him
argue this motion.

You're her guardian, and
she slept in your hotel room last night.

You see, you get upset
when I don't tell you these things.

But then when I do...

She's gone to Chicago.
It's...

- It's not about her.
- Excellent. Then...

It's-It's us.
Is there an us?

Sally, I know this seems difficult.
You know what?

You know what would be fun?
Can we go shopping for shoes?

Or a new dress?
Something revealing for the office party.

Soft, but tight.

Alan.

- What are you doing here?
- My flight was canceled.

I thought you might feel
like an early lunch.

Christine Pauley, Sally Heep.

- Hi. It's nice to meet you.
- Hi.

- Your flight was canceled?
- I'm rescheduled at 4:30.

This is why I refused to fly
for the past two years.

That and I've been locked up.
So can I steal you for lunch?

- Actually, no. We were just about to go on...
- It's okay, really.

Very nice to meet you.

Maybe I shouldn't have come.

Truth is, you weren't
my first choice for lunch.

I called a few friends.
Everybody seems to need a little distance.

It was all, like, "Oh, Christine.
How nice to hear from you."

You're smart enough
to expect that.

Never got it from you.

- Are you and Sally...
- We're seeing each other.

Oh.

- She seemed nice.
- She is.

- Certainly attractive.
- There's that.

Well, it'll be easier
when I get to Chicago.

Easier to start over there, I think.

I agree.

Yeah.

So, lunch?

On your next visit.

Well, good-bye again.

- Um...
- Good-bye, Christine.

Denny, listen to me. Some of the partners
are coming down to watch the motion.

And not in support.
They're hoping you crash in there.

They're hoping to be able to get some leverage,
to be able to say at the partnership meeting...

"It's time to take Denny Crane
out of the game."

What game?

I don't know whether he was trying
to humiliate her or hit on her.

It wasn't clear.
What was clear was the indecency of it.

This is what lawyering
has degenerated to.

Carrie Lansing lost her husband.
He's probing her about her sex life.

It was a blatant abuse
of our process.

It was an embarrassment
to the integrity of our profession.

This attorney should be
sanctioned severely, Your Honor.

A message has to be sent
to the bar...

that our bar is raised higher
than an episode of reality television.

Denny Crane demeaned
Carrie Lansing...

he demeaned our court system,
and he should be dealt with.

- Mr. Crane?
- Denny, I have a good feel for this. Can I take it?

I'll take it.

This is, um, pretty powerful stuff.

I can see Mr. Ripley's
a very powerful man.

And that's a big thing
with lawyers, isn't it?

Power.

Fear of feeling weak.

I've seen it before, attorneys
coming up against Denny Crane.

They jump and stomp and shake their fists
and bellow with impassioned rage.

It makes quite a demonstration,
doesn't it?

When you cut through the merits,
this lady has alleged in her complaint...

Ioss of consortium.

Legal terms meaning
sex and affection.

And if she's enjoying sex and affection,
it's relevant. It's a mitigating factor.

I'm entitled to explore it.

Mr. Ripley may not like it,
but it's legitimate.

And, I may add,
that I conducted my probe...

in the relative privacy
of a closed conference room.

Mr. Powerful Man
made it much more public...

with his impassioned
chest-thumping in a courtroom.

- I object to this.
- Oh, go ahead and pound the table.

I'll tell you what I object to.

We have an offer on the table
you so love to pound...

an offer I can't discuss because
the settlement talks have been sealed.

Suffice it to say it is on the high side,
the extreme high side...

considering the fact that
liability is not certain.

Mr. Lansing had
a preexisting heart condition.

But instead of taking the offer, powerful
guys like Mr. Ripley want to go to trial.

Why? Because I'm the opponent.

It's a coup to beat the big guy.

Well, what if you don't?

You demean the profession,
Mr. Powerful Guy.

You're using your client
to get a notch.

You're making Carrie Lansing go through
the ordeal of a trial for your own ego.

- Objection.
- A trial you may lose, in which case she gets nothing!

- Objection.
- Oh, but if you're loud enough...

- Objection.
- Forceful enough and strong enough...

she may never realize
that you blew it.

- Brad?
- Funny.

You'd like me to feel threatened,
wouldn't you?

I may not be able
to talk as fast...

but my tongue
is certainly more versatile.

You disapprove of me...

and that warms my cockles.

I'm afraid something's come up.

- Oh, don't tell me...
- Her flight left an hour ago. She's gone.

So, shopping.

Maybe not shoes.

But something...

slippery to perhaps
slide out of later.

I'm not that easy.

Well, I am.

Do you feel responsible
for her being in there?

I certainly was
a precipitating factor.

Is she well now?

I think so.

But perhaps I'm inclined
to believe that.

You might come to value
my latitude on these matters...

a little more fully
on the day you try to kill me.

I miss you.

I have a friend who has
this amazing house in Vermont.

Maybe for Columbus weekend,
we could sneak up there.

I love Vermont.

Would you allow me to cover
your body in maple syrup?

Excuse me.

- Where does she stay?
- I have no idea.

I wouldn't even know
where to go look for her.

Well, she clearly knows where to look
for you. Alan, she is stalking you.

- She's not...
- Crazy? She tried to kill you.

She was institutionalized.
Now she's out, and she's stalking you.

- You said that you were her legal guardian.
- It's a technicality.

Well, you may have certain rights
to have her recommitted.

She hasn't done anything
to warrant that.

At the very least,
you could get a restraining order.

There's nothing
to warrant that either.

Do you really wanna wait
till there is?

Brad. You hear?

He won the motion
and settled the case.

You must be disappointed.

I know what
you were hoping for, Paul.

Let me tell you something, my friend.

I have loved and admired Denny Crane
a lot longer than you have.

We all want him to be great.

If you loved him, you wouldn't
have wanted his demise to be public.

Hey.

Hey.

The plaintifflost
his motion for sanctions...

accepted our offer.

Case is over, settled, done.

I heard.

Denny, you did an incredible job.

I think you turned
his own client against him in there.

Is that what you think?

Am I now to put stock
in what you think?

Denny, I just came here
to congratulate you.

I don't need your praise.

Hmm?

Hardware, trunks full of praise.

- Denny...
- I want your respect!

I'm senior partner.
Respect goes with the job.

Not to mention I've earned it.

I've earned it.

Don't you think I feel...

the wagons circling?

Now comes the plaintiff here and after
the alleges and charges as follows...

Count one.
On September 11 in the year of our...

I am so, so sorry.

- I came to see you last night...
- Why did you not go to Chicago?

I decided to collect a few letters
of recommendation before I leave.

- If I'm going to try...
- You can do that by phone.

I could, and I plan to.

But Bernie Levinson, senior partner at
my old firm, insists on meeting me in person.

Evidently, he wants to be sure
I'm not nuts.

So I'm seeing him at 2:00.
I fly out at 6:00.

All right. So why'd you come
to find me last night?

You weren't picking up your cell.

And... Alan, I'm so sorry.

I had no idea you were on a date.

I shouldn't have come at all.
I realized that.

I left as soon as I saw
the expression on your face.

And... I truly, truly apologize.

I have to be honest, Christine.
It scared the hell out of me.

Believe me, if I had thought
for a second that you were on a date...

Sally... Is it...
Is it serious?

- I really don't wanna talk about it.
- May I ask why not?

We're friends, are we not?
Good friends.

It's only natural for us
to discuss our lives with each other.

I really don't wanna talk about it.

Are you embarrassed?

Is this just some young thing
you like to screw?

Dinner and a quickie?
Something casual?

I'm sorry.
That was inappropriate. L...

Maybe I still do get pangs.

Anyway, I again apologize...

for just showing up last night.

I think I will leave
before this gets awkward.

Why don't we rent
a nice restaurant for these things?

Because it's all about
impressing the clients.

They like to know that
inflated fees buy fancy offices.

- Hey. How you doin'?
- Brad. Just talking about you.

Okay, we weren't.

Sally, would you dance with me?

- Well...
- Oh, that's right. You're with Big Al.

- Tara?
- I'd love to.

They make a lovely couple,
and he's got a nice, tight ass.

- Don't you think?
- You think?

Oh.

- Christine?
- Something's come up.

Nothing bad.
It's great, actually.

But I think I better discuss it
with you in person.

- Can I steal two minutes?
- I'm at an office party.

Can you tell me about it
over the phone?

I'd really prefer to do it in person.

Congratulations.

- Denny, I...
- I accept your congratulations.

Don't linger like we're friends.

We used to be friends.

We used to sit out
on balconies at night as kids...

and criticize each other's
openings and closings.

Remember those days, Denny?

When we were open to each other's
criticism and candor?

Open was a funny choice of word.

You an "out in the open"
sort of fellow, Paul?

You know exactly
what sort of fellow I am.

I'm still a good lawyer.

Yes, you are.

You remember Muhammad Ali's last fight?
We had ringside seats.

He lost so pathetically
to Larry Holmes.

We were so crushed.
The tragedy that night, Denny...

wasn't that he couldn't still box.

He could.
The tragedy was that...

he still thought he was Ali.

You're a good lawyer, my friend.

You're just not Denny Crane.

- Hanging out with all your friends?
- Whoever designed women's shoes...

May I?

Nothing personal.
It's a fetish.

- Your fingers are so...
- Yes, thank you.

My uncle was a butcher.

Don't you think Sally
might object to this?

We're nonexclusive
when it comes to feet.

- Oh.
- Oh, dear. You have a bunion.

Did you come in here
for something?

Why are you counseling Sally
to distance herself from me?

There are
"happily ever after" guys...

and there are those
who leave girls in a heap.

- And I can tell the difference.
- You speak from personal experience?

That's private.

Then perhaps I should get
to know you better and ask again.

And I'd love to.

But right now,
I'm going to go dance with Sally.

This is nice.

I know a cozy little photocopy machine
we could adjourn to.

You're expecting a visitor, remember?

She said it would take
two minutes.

She's beautiful.

- Excuse me?
- She's here.

And she's beautiful.

Time me.
Two minutes.

Christine, you look stunning.

Well, I knew you were having
a fancy party.

I didn't wanna appear conspicuous,
so I threw something on.

I see.

And what did you wanna
talk about?

- Well, can we go to your office?
- I'd prefer not.

Well, being that I just showed up
at your date the other night...

I didn't want you to think
I was following you.

- You know I wouldn't do that.
- What have you come to talk about, Christine?

My meeting with Bernie Levinson
went incredibly well.

And, well, he's rehired me.

I can start as soon as Monday.

Can you believe it?

- What about Chicago?
- The truth is...

I think I have a better chance
at achieving normalcy in Boston.

I called Dr. Gill.
He agreed the less change, the better.

I can see him
as an outpatient, and...

Your guardians, your parents,
are in Illinois.

I was released to you in Massachusetts.

I was afraid you'd freak
if I told you this on the phone...

or if you just ran into me
at the courthouse.

This is why I wanted to
give you the news in person.

- Okay.
- It's truly fantastic news.

Isn't it? Alan?

I got my old job back.

Yes.

It is.