Bosom Buddies (1980–1982): Season 2, Episode 3 - Reunion - full transcript

At their class reunion, Henry relives a painful incident with a deaf girl while Kip tries to flaunt Sonny in front of all of his former classmates.

HENRY (voice-over): When
we moved to New York,

we had a great
apartment that was cheap.

KIP (voice-over):
And we found out why.

HENRY: Our friend Amy said

there was a great
apartment in her building.

KIP: Dirt cheap. But
it's a hotel for women.

Okay, we made one adjustment.

HENRY: Now these other ladies
know us as Buffy and Hildegarde.

KIP: But they also know us

as Kip and Henry, Buffy
and Hildy's brothers.

I am, uh, crazy
about the blond, heh.



HENRY: This experience
is gonna make a great book.

KIP: See, it's all
perfectly normal.

(Stephanie Mills' "Shake
Me Loose" playing)

♪ I'd like to be J. Paul Getty ♪

♪ That gig Has got potential ♪

♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪

♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪

♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪

♪ Don't try To shake me ♪

♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪

♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪

♪ It ain't any use ♪

♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪

♪ I'm stickin' around ♪



♪ You're stuck with me ♪

♪ I'm stickin' around ♪

♪ You're stuck with ♪

♪ Oh, ooh... ♪

♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try to shake me ♪

♪ And you can leave
If you got a mind to ♪

♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪

♪ It ain't any use ♪

♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪

♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Oh ♪

♪ You can tell me to go away ♪

♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪

♪ It ain't any use ♪

♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪

(funky song playing
on sound system)

Huh. Man, I'm glad they left.

Ooh.

Is this a blast from the
past, or what, huh? Oh.

Ha-ha. A reunion east.

All of our old high school chums

in the flesh. Heh.

Yeah. Some with
a lot more flesh.

Some with greatly reduced flesh.

Some who managed
to clear up their flesh.

Almost.

(chuckles)

Well, at least my flesh

continued to grow, huh, blondie?

(laughing)

I was a late bloomer, okay?

Kip.

Why do you insist I be here?

I mean, I don't know anybody.

I don't know.

I... I just thought
you'd have a good time.

I didn't have any ulterior
motives or anything...

Hey, Jackie. Can you...

Can you believe who I'm with?

Hey! Ha-ha.

Jackie Wanderman.
I do not believe it.

Yeah, how long has it been?

Oh, this is fabulous.

You look good. Ah.

She looks great.

Hey. How are the folks?

Oh, fine. Fine.

Great. Great.

Who are you?

We'll be in touch, Jackie, okay?

Right. Right. Take care.

Touching moment, Kip.

I always hated that guy.

Eh, boy. These
reunions can be killers.

I just want to appear successful

to these people, that's all.

I mean, this is the
class that voted me

"most likely to be on
the methadone program."

Well, you've got my
vote. It's just that...

When people see me, they say:

"Eh. Eh, Kip, ehh..."

But when they see
me with you, they say:

"Hey, Kip. Heh-heh, yeah."

(laughs)

Listen.

Would you mind
if I told everybody

that we were going
to be married? Kip.

See, I got a ring
and everything,

so it's all legit. Kip.

All right, okay. How
about just going steady?

I got this, uh, ID bracelet
my mom gave me.

I figure we can, you
know... Kip, stop.

Why don't you just tell
them that I murdered

my millionaire husband
so I could elope with you?

That's great.

That is great.

Just like on Dallas
or something. Kip.

Kip, there's something
going on here

that I do not like.

Hey. How you doing, Brenda?

That's the thing.

You know, Brenda, we
have not had a decent

girls' basketball team
since the day you left.

What a dribbler. (dry laugh)

I always hated that guy.

He's the fourth person tonight

that's called me "Brenda."

I feel like I'm in
The Twilight Zone.

Kip, what's going on?

Okay. Uh, Isabelle. Poe High
is in Shaker Heights. Yeah.

And if you shake Shaker Heights,

very few black people fall out.

Brenda was the only
black girl in the high school.

Oh. So they just
assume I'm Brenda.

You know, it could be worse.

They could just assume
you were Rodney,

the only black guy.

Two black people
in your high school.

What a melting pot.

Excuse me, do you know Rodney?

(laughs): Henry. Oh.

I am so proud of you.

Will you put the yearbook away.

Put it away? You were
on every single page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

I was... I was an active guy.

What can I say? What is this?

The... (in unison):
Future Farmers

of America?" Yeah.

(giggles)

How come it's just you and
this dog with the big head?

That was Lester. My sheep.

I loved that sheep.

Are you over that now?

I don't know. I...

Let me tell you a little story.

The end of high school was
not my most pleasant memory.

Uh... I... I don't know.

Some things
were all right. Uh...

I had my share of power.

( magical theme playing)

(school bell rings)

You are a Fascist, Fardella.

You are a Fascist.

When I shower is
my business, Fardella.

All gym teachers are Fascists.

Relics of Fascism.

Rosters of Fascism.

(chuckles)

Hey, uh, yo, Benito,
where's your hall pass, huh?

(in Mexican accent): I don't
need no stinking hall pass.

Hey, my best amigo
is the hall monitor.

You know that.

Well, muchas gracias, baby,

but, uh, I gotta be
true to my school.

I'm gonna put you on report.

Oh, wow. Heh. Come...

Aw. Don't bum me out like this.

Henry, come on.

Cut me some rope, man.

What do you care about
this Fascist system anyway?

Look, I recognize the
system's not perfect,

but I'm trying to
change it from within.

You couldn't change your shorts.

I took an oath in the
vice principal's office

right in front of Miss Wisser.

That's right. You did.

And you know, I bet that
oath would sound a lot better

when you hear it over this
brand new AM/FM radio.

Wait...

What, are you trying...?
Are you trying to bribe me?

I don't even listen to
FM radio. You know that.

You could get ball games on it.

Come on. Stuff like that.

What are you,
polluted or what? Huh?

You polluted? Huh?

Were you hanging out
behind the D building

like that, uh,
Sunshine girl, huh?

She doesn't even wear a bra.

That's right. And
she's not going to

until they stop killing whales.

Look... Besides... Hey.

If I was wasted...

would I be able to offer you

this Hungry-Man portion

of my mom's bundt cake?

Oh, I love bundt cake.

(giggles) All Fascists do.

Thanks, Henry. You
did the right thing.

There'll be a little
something extra

in Lester's feedbag tonight.

(whimpers)

Good afternoon, Susan.

I'm Henry Desmond,
and you're not.

Oh, gross.

Your fly is open. Oh.

Made you look. (laughs)

Low. Cut low.

Cut low. (laughs)

Ha-ha. Funny as
an elevator, okay?

Still open.

He looked again. (both laughing)

Smoked.

Oh, anyway, uh...

so, Susan, a-a...
Anybody, uh... Uh...

(chuckles nervously)

Any... Anybody
asked you to prom yet?

Oh, you guys are
horking me royal.

Come on.

This is 1975.

Girl like Susan doesn't
have to wait for a guy like you

to ask her to a
thing like the prom.

It's a tradition.

Well, so is male
chauvinism. (scoffs)

You know... it is subtle
oppression like this

that have kept our sisters
barefoot and pregnant. Tsk.

How... How did you
know I was pregnant?

Quick, Henry, ask her again.

She is a good date.

He told you.

That bigmouthed gym teacher.

Mr. Fardella!

Fardella. (door closes)

Wow.

Listen, I'd like to
hang around and talk,

but I gotta go steal dessert
from some freshman.

Hey. Don't do
that. Don't do that.

You can't go up that...

Yo, I need a hall pass.

Yo. Hey. Hey, come on.

What are you, deaf?

Yes, Henry. I am deaf.

You gonna give me a ticket?

No, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, Sheila.

I did... I didn't
realize that, uh...

Uh... I-I did not
realize it was you.

Why are you talking like Tarzan?

Uh, sorry. Uh...

Me have brains like Cheeta.

(chuckles) Well... Well, uh...

Well, uh, Friday's
the big night, huh?

Yeah. The prom night. Yeah.

Yeah, you... You going?

Well, I haven't been asked...

but I miss a lot of phone calls.

(both laugh)

Ah...

Well, listen, Sheila,
you know, this is...

This is 1975.

I don't think a girl has to
wait for a guy to ask her.

She can come right out
and ask the guy, you know?

Okay. I will.

Henry, how about you and me?

To the prom?

Oh, uh. Mm.

Uh, mm. I would,
Sheila. I would.

But I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm not going to the prom.

That's the thing, yeah.

Yeah, my grandparents
are having their 50th, uh,

wedding anniversary, you
know, same night, yeah.

So I'm gonna pour
drinks, you know.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well. Yeah, it's gonna
be some shindig, so... Mm.

Maybe some other prom.

Yeah. Okay.

Sheila, wait.

( magical theme plays)

KIP: Hey, Stevie. Hey-hey-hey.

"Atom bomb."

Steve Adler. I'd like
you to meet somebody.

Sonny, this is Steve
Adler. Steve Adler, Sonny.

Nice to meet you. I've done
pretty well for myself, huh?

(chuckles)

My own business and...

this is the mother of
my young son Kip Jr.

Maybe this is bad timing, Kip,

but I really think
you should know:

Little Kipper isn't yours.

He's your brother...
Phil's baby.

(mouths): I...

I, um...

I guess she's still
a little bit upset

about that affair I had
with Faye Dunaway. Uh...

Honey, dearest.

Hi, Sheila.

Hi, Henry.

It's been a long time.

Uh, sorry. I can't stay.

I'm sorry.

( melancholy theme playing)

( funky theme playing)

Can I come in?

Sure.

What's the matter,
Henry? Past your bedtime?

I just feel rotten.

Tsk. Oh.

Well... okay, you
wanna talk about it?

Well, no. I guess
I don't really.

I don't really
think, uh... Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I should. Okay.

I'm all ears.

Well...

It's just that I treated
this girl in a very...

(sighs)

You know, this isn't real
comfortable for me, Amy.

Tsk.

I'm overdressed, aren't I?

No. Tsk.

(sighs) It's... It's just not

lying to Sheila that bothers me.

It gets worse.

( magical theme plays)

So what, do we
go to the say... Oh.

You look nice.

Yeah, look who's talking.

Who are you going to the
prom with, Euell Gibbons?

I'm not going to
the prom, you dope.

I just came by to tell
you... (disco song playing)

I'm going to Canada
to see my cousin, Lalo.

Harvest time.

Listen. (clears throat)

Oh, besides. That...
That prom stuff.

It's just not hip.

You gotta be a real
jerk to have a good time

at something like that.

Have a good time.

Hold on, uh, Johnny Appleseed.

You know, you're always
saying that "It's not hip.

It's not hip."

It's not hip. You know,

you're always worried
about what's not hip,

you're not even
participating in everything.

By the end of the year,
you're gonna have nothing

next to your name
in the yearbook.

Aw, gee, no.

I don't get you sometimes.

Henry...

I don't know how to dance.

What?

I'm not going to the prom

because I don't
know how to dance.

So there, you know.

Aw.

Mon petit Kip.

My little cabbage, you're
okay. Get your hands off me.

Come on, I'll teach you.
It'll take five seconds.

Aw, no. Come on.

I can't. No. Gee. Aw, come on.

Look, all rhythm has been
bred out of my people. Heh.

I don't believe it.
Come on, go for it.

Just go for the gusto, you know?

Just get your hips
moving side to side.

That's right. Just get
'em moving, that's right.

No, not up and
down. Side to side.

That's it. Yeah, there you go.

Okay. Now, uh...

Every once in a while
you just point, you know?

Wet Willy. (giggles)

You wanna learn this
or not? All right, all right.

I'm sorry. All right. So
you got your hips. Right.

Every once in a while you
point, you know. And then, uh...

you look where
you point, you know.

Yeah, that really gets
'em, you know. Uh-huh.

Every once in a while you
look away from where you point.

Oh, that blows 'em away. Oh-ho.

Hey. I'm blown away. Heh.

Then you gotta make
these groaning noises

every once in a while.
Like Barry White, you know?

(as Barry White): Right on.
(as Barry White): Right on.

Eat my corsage, baby.

Yeah. Uh, right on,
right on. Right on.

Sit on my piano.

Oh, right on.
Right on, right on.

(chuckles): All right. Hey.

Hey, there it is.

You taught me how to dance.

(chuckling)

All right, I need,
like, a killer move.

Like, if I'm gonna dance.

A big, big killer move.

Yeah, okay. I got
it, baby. I got it.

Right. Right on. Right on.

And look away.

That's right.

And look away.

And one. Oh, two.

Oh, three. Four.

And baby, I'm on your
funky side. Uh-huh.

Look away. That's right.

And look away. Yes.

Baby, I'm in funky side.

Look... away.

(disco song ends)

(slow song playing) Whoa. Hey.

That's... Wait.

Wait a minute. (snaps)

Now, heh.

I can't dance to that
kind of music. Uh...

somebody's gonna
wanna slow dance,

and I'm gonna look like I just

spotted a quail, you know?

All right.

It'll be easy. Here, here, here.

Look... put this on.

Okay, ask me what time it is.

Heh. No, no, no.

All right. Come on over here.

Now, this is a little easier.

You don't so much
dance as you...

You just sort of... Well, here.

Put your arms up. (scoffs)

You... Come on.
We're friends, right?

Come on. That's right.

That's right.

Now you just sort of...

you know, lean in and sway.

This is the sort of
dance you... You do

with a girl like Bunny La Rocca.

You know what I'm saying?

Ooh. Bunny. Heh.

Bunny, Bunny,
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny.

Hey, cut that out. Not cool.

Now, now, now. Come on.

Hey, cut that out.

Oh, um, excuse me,
have you seen Henry?

Yeah, I'm dancing with him.

My mama told me...

"Christine, you are
crazy to go to the prom

with a boy who keeps livestock."

Hey, I love that sheep.

Wait. Christine, hey, come on.

Cut the little guy

in the blue suit
some slack, huh?

Look, hey. This is for you.

Is that gorgeous or what?

Henry, slap that
on this girl's arm.

Kiss and make up.

I'm gonna go do some, uh...

reading with Bunny La Rocca,

and I, uh, think she's in there.

(chuckles) Th... There.

Hey, I don't need a
ticket. I'm with the band.

(chuckles) So, uh, you want...

You want me to, you
know, put this on you?

Don't I get a kiss first?

Sure. Yeah, sure you do.

Yeah, I... Well... Uh...

Let me... Let me ask you
a question though. Uh...

Just how well do you
know, uh, Coach Fardella?

Never met. Far out.

Oh, hi, Sheila.

That's Henry, Daddy.

The boy I told you about.

( sad theme playing)

You told me you
couldn't come to the prom.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, I know.

Uh, Henry. I think
I'm going in now.

Okay, Christine.

Daddy, I think we
should go home.

Uh, Sheila, look,
I'm... I'm sorry.

I mean, I owe you
an explanation. What?

Um... Henry... I can't hear you.

Oh, that's right. I'm sorry.

You have to look at me. (sighs)

Please.

I can't.

(sobs)

( magical theme playing)

What is the big deal?

You're here, I'm here.

Work with me.

Fine.

If that's what you want, fine.

All right.

Now we're having a party.

Hey. "Atom bomb."

Steve. I hope you know

I was just joking around
about our baby. Heh.

I mean, when you have
Secretariat in the barn,

there's no mischief
in the pasture.

(snorts like horse)

Are... Are you the same Kip
Wilson that couldn't dance?

Oh, sugar pie.

(gasps)

There's a scuff on your shoe.

(gasps)

Well... Um... th-that's okay.

Uh... that's okay. Hm-hm.

Thank you. It's all right.

Serving you is my pleasure...

pooky-head.

I mean, I am paid
by your smiles.

I'd love for my wife

to see you two on Donahue.

Bye.

You have charming
friends, Kipper dearest.

Okay. All right. (chuckles)

I think I get the point.

Can we, uh, put Barbie
back in her fun house now?

But I love being
a Stepford wife.

Ooh. (gasps)

Ring around the collar.

Okay. All right. Okay.

All right, all right. (chuckles)

I get it. I'm sorry.

You be you, I'll be me,

and to heck with the rest
of these bozos think, okay?

Um... listen, uh... thanks.

I guess you can split now.

There must be other
things you'd like to do.

Yeah.

I think I'd like to dance.

That's my girl.

ISABELLE: "Hello, Brenda."

"Hey, Brenda, what's happening?"

Excuse me. Have we met?

Hey, you're black.

Wow, man. How'd this happen?

Rodney, right?

Yeah. Who are you?

How could you forget?

I'm Brenda.

I know Brenda, and
you don't look like her.

Honey. Any old
Brenda in a storm.

Let's hit the dance floor.

Well...?

Thanks. (clears throat)

Excuse me, uh... wanna dance?

Sure.

Hey, "A-bomb." How are you?

Hi, Sheila.

Hi, Henry. Hi.

Hi.

Oh. Good signing. Heh.

So...

So...

No. Bad signing. Bad signing.

(slow song playing)

What's new with you?

Well, uh...

Kip Wilson and I are, uh...
You... You remember Kip.

Uh... Oh... Yeah.
That's him. Mm-hm.

Well, he and I are, uh...

Uh, well, we make
commercials now.

No, not too much.
Not too much yet.

Uh... Uh... I, uh...

I wanted to, uh, apologize.

I know it's been a long time...

But, uh, about the prom.

I mean, uh... I
really felt awful.

I just felt terrible, and...

Henry... don't talk
with your mouth full.

It's impolite. Mm-hm.

When you're reading
lips, it's disgusting.

Heh.

Okay.

Uh...

I... I was worried about
going to the prom with you,

because I thought,
uh... you know,

other kids would, uh...

make fun of us, and me.

Henry... I cried that night.

Oh, that's just what
I wanted to hear.

No.

I hated myself for being deaf...

but that is the
handicap of being young.

I was hurt. But it
doesn't hurt me anymore.

Stop hurting yourself

for something a boy
named Henry did.

Boys do dumb things.

Now you're a man.

And you apologized.

For me... it's all over.

Let's forget it... huh?

(blows)

Thank you.

Uh... I think I,
uh... I owe you a...

A dance, right?

(slow song ends)

( record needle
scratching at end of record)

( upbeat jazz theme playing)