Bosom Buddies (1980–1982): Season 2, Episode 2 - There's No Business... - full transcript
Henry impulsively buys a TV commercial production house and later learns it's heavily in debt.
HENRY (voice-over): When
we moved to New York,
we had a great
apartment that was cheap.
KIP (voice-over):
And we found out why.
HENRY: Our friend Amy said
there was a great
apartment in her building.
KIP: Dirt cheap. But
it's a hotel for women.
Okay, we made one adjustment.
HENRY: Now these other ladies
know us as Buffy and Hildegarde.
KIP: But they also know us
as Kip and Henry, Buffy
and Hildy's brothers.
I am, uh, crazy
about the blond, heh.
HENRY: This experience
is gonna make a great book.
KIP: See, it's all
perfectly normal.
(Stephanie Mills' "Shake
Me Loose" playing)
♪ I'd like to be J. Paul Getty ♪
♪ That gig Has got potential ♪
♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪
♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with ♪
♪ Oh, ooh... ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try to shake me ♪
♪ And you can leave
If you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ You can tell me to go away ♪
♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
Okay, commissioner. Thanks.
Go.
( suspenseful theme playing)
Go.
(mouthing words)
Come.
Go.
(snaps fingers)
Go.
Stop.
Now go.
Oh...
Ooh, Kip.
Kippy, "Top-kippy."
There it is, our
collective fortune,
$2,000. (grunts)
Behold it. Oh, I be holding it.
Well, be letting go of it.
'Cause as of today,
it starts earning 16 and
nine-tenths percent interest.
BOTH (in unison):
T-bill. T-bill. T-bill.
(sniffing)
Snorting money?
Yeah.
Eliminates the middleman.
That, my little gumdrop,
is our collective fortune.
Today we buy a
$2,000 treasury bill.
Ah...
I've never seen so
much money before.
Two thousand dollars!
(gasps) Oh, let me feel it.
I just want to touch it.
Just let me feel it, okay?
Come on.
Oh, that felt so good.
Stick around. Maybe
he'll roll up some quarters.
(shrieking)
(barking)
Ha, ha. Moe, Larry, jeez,
there's only $1,960 here.
We're 40 bucks short.
Why don't you
check up your nose?
Why don't I check up
your... HENRY: Kip.
I don't know, uh...
It's not here. Maybe we'll...
We'll just have to wait
till next week's paycheck.
Wow. Cashus interruptus.
N-n-no, w-w-w-wait.
I got $40. Let me invest.
I want to own a
piece of the rock.
Fine. Put some
gravel in your shorts.
Pebbles, Bamm-Bamm,
come on, now.
I think we can let her invest.
We're a modern Stone Age family.
(giggles)
All right, she's in.
(laughs)
Henry, we're investing partners.
Now, really, can joint
checking be far behind?
As far as I know.
Uh, listen, Kip, I'm going to
take that commercial down
to my Uncle Mort's
studio, all right?
Then I'm gonna
get over to the bank,
and I'll zip back here
and I'll meet you for lunch.
KIP: Okay, okay.
Um... Hold that there.
W-what are you doing?
This, my friend,
is the world's greatest
protection against muggers.
Oh, great. Real smart.
You're a genius, Mr. Brinks.
What about Amy's 40 bucks?
Oh, yeah.
I bet this hurts.
(tape rips off) (Henry screams)
( upbeat theme playing)
Victor, please.
At least give me a
chance to sell the place.
I'm begging you.
Mort, Mort, I adore
begging, but no, no, no.
You owe me too much money.
Now, look, if I don't get
that cash by Monday,
the lease is broken,
and I get everything.
And, Mort, my favorite
thing is everything.
HENRY: Hello, Uncle Mort.
Hello, Henry. I'll
talk to you later.
Monday, Mort.
Monday.
Hi, Henry Desmond.
I'm Uncle Mort's nephew.
He married my Aunt Jess,
who you probably didn't meet.
Chatty guy.
Hey, uh, Uncle Mort,
I got another commercial
for you from our agency.
It's not a big commercial.
It's for, uh, Luther's
Pen and Pencil Repair.
Now, I've heard Luther
will be doing felt tip repair,
and, well, then the
mind reels, you know.
Come here, you crazy nut,
and get a kiss from your uncle.
Hold it.
Mom talked to you about
this kissing thing, okay?
Listen, I gotta get to the bank.
Today I deposit $2,000.
$2,000? Why, Henry. Mm-hm.
Henry, Henry.
I've been thinking of
passing on my legacy.
Have I ever told you
that you're like the
son I never had?
You have a son,
my cousin Donald.
He's about yea tall,
Hispanic-looking.
Give this thriving
enterprise to Donald,
the dance instructor?
He's a tulip. Whose...?
I mean, whose fault is that?
He was over-kissed,
Mort. It warps a kid.
Henry, I'm talking about you.
I want you to
have all this, now.
For only, let's say, $2,000.
Uh, no, Uncle Mort, I
can't. I gotta buy a T-bill.
Henry, I'm offering
you a future.
Your own business.
You, too, could
make commercials.
Look, video equipment.
Yeah, well, you know,
this is pretty neat stuff.
Heh. Took a lot of
video courses in college.
Smile.
Oh, you know, Uncle Mort,
this is an awful lot of stuff
for only 2 grand.
You bet, but you're family.
My only important family.
Except for my common-law
wife in Acapulco.
I've always dreamed of re...
I've always dreamed
of retiring there.
Yeah, well, you know, the thing
is it's not even all my money.
That's the thing, really,
because I got a partner,
and I can't just... Can't
just drag him into it.
Oh, sure.
What if Mr. Roebuck
had said that?
That's true.
Then Spiegel would have
had the only viable catalog.
I wish I had more time to think.
There is no time!
You're an ad man.
Be your own ad man.
The world is waiting for you.
Grab it, kid. Come on.
What do you say?
Well, I guess I say...
(tape rips off) (Henry screams)
( mellow theme playing)
You what?!
I, uh... I didn't
buy us a T-bill.
I bought my Uncle Mort's
commercial production
house instead.
(women laugh) Down!
Hey, I did it for our future.
Our future? Our future?
We now have the
same future as disco.
You really steam me,
buddy, you know that?
And you smoke my
kachongas, buster.
Oh, your kachongas are smoking.
Well, my kachongas
are in flames.
I send you to the
market with a fat cow,
and you come home with
a bunch of magic beans.
Can...? Can I see
the magic beans?
There aren't any beans.
You mean, he didn't
even get the beans?
There are no beans, Amy.
It's a metaphor.
And some people have the
nerve to say blonds are dumb.
All right, smarty-pants,
then what are kachongas?
This is a kachonga.
Now, if you don't want
it to fly onto your lips,
you will all settle down
and give Henry a
chance to explain.
Thank you, Isabelle.
Don't thank me.
Well, at least
someone is on my side.
Not me.
At least you have the decency...
Why don't you leave me alone?
All right.
Now, Kip, are you gonna
let me say what I have to say
without saying a
word until I'm done?
Okay.
Well, maybe I was a
little hasty in doing this
without consulting you,
but there wasn't time.
It's not bull.
Uncle Mort had to sell quick.
Now, uh, we
could sell it back...
if Uncle Mort hadn't
already left for Mexico.
Kip, it's worth it. I swear.
There is $20,000 worth
of equipment in this place
and a ten-year lease on
a rent-controlled building.
What could be better?
All right, you know,
the damage is done.
I mean, what am
I supposed to do?
Great. Great.
Okay, fine.
Maybe...
Maybe I didn't act in the
most sensible manner,
but I did it for us.
Now, how many times in your
life you expect someone to say,
"Hey, kid, how would you
like your own business?
"Hey, kid, how would you like
a career instead of a job, huh?
"Hey, kid, how would you like
to, uh, call some shots, huh?
"Take some responsibility, eh?
"Hey, kid, how would
you like to be in control
"of your own damn
destiny for once in your life?
(sobbing): "Hey, kid...
how would you like to grow up?"
Well,
I know I only have $40
worth of opinion here,
but I say, hey, kid,
if you could use
me, then I'm in.
You two in business, together?
You'll lose your kachongas.
Well, we need a partner.
(sighs)
Partner. Tsk.
And, yes, a business
was born this day,
spawned in the river of hope,
swimming toward
the sea of success
on an ocean of good
and free enterprise.
( mellow theme playing)
Uh, Ruth, uh, can
you sit down for a sec?
Because Kip and I
really need to talk to you.
Certainement. What can
I do for my favorite boys?
Uh, well, uh... Ooh.
Ruth? Uh... (camera clicking)
This is difficult to say
because we're all like family.
Uh, well, not
exactly like family
because for one, we, uh...
We all have
different last names.
My God. Work with
me. Work with me.
Hey, what is this,
Vogue? Come on.
Terribly sorry.
What I'm trying
to say is that, uh,
when opportunity knocks...
you can't be out bowling.
Heh.
Catch my drift?
No.
RUTH: Aw.
We quit.
(camera clicks)
What?
Uh, what she said, in,
uh, so many words, yeah.
The three of you?
Yeah, well, uh, we... We got
this other business opportunity.
I really had faith
in you, Wilson.
Oh. I thought
you'd be different.
No. I-I'm still just the
same old doody-head.
Oh, I get it.
You're negotiating,
looking for a little sweetening
in the old weekly paycheck, huh?
Uh, no, Ruth.
Well, I like that.
I respect it.
How does...
$35 a week extra
each sound to you?
Sounds pretty darn
good to me, huh?
Henry, 35 bucks a week,
that's a lot of...
That's, uh... Heh.
No, thanks, Ruth.
Oh, I see.
You'd like to play
tough, would you?
All right, I like that too.
I can play hardball.
No raise, and if you
don't watch your steps,
I'll see to it that
you get a cut.
I am like a rock
on this, gentlemen,
and I cannot be moved.
She looking yet?
She is now.
Guys, come on. I mean, really.
You're not going to
leave me, are you?
Yeah, yeah, we are.
We... We bought our own
commercial production house.
We're gonna make
our own commercials.
It's a chance for us
to be independent.
Uh, but are you sure that
a little bit more
money couldn't...?
Maybe I could swing
you some private offices.
(sighs)
Sex?
No. No.
Well, I guess there's really
nothing more to say, but...
good luck.
Really.
Good luck in your new venture.
Thank you.
(sighs)
Well, I guess I
better get on the horn,
see if I can find
some replacements.
Going to miss you.
Aw, goodbye, Ruth.
Bye, Amy.
Well, you guys want to
look at these books now?
Yeah, what are you
showing over here?
(groans)
Well, according to
these figures here,
come Monday afternoon
we're gonna lose
this entire business
if we don't pay one,
uh, Victor Cheslo
just a little bit over...
$17,000.
Okay, everybody,
one more, for me.
Wave.
Smile.
(camera clicking)
All right, remember,
we need this guy's help.
Think friendly.
Everybody act like Dinah Shore.
Hi, Victor, how are you?
Cup? Coffee?
Doughnut?
Or two? Or three?
Think there's some
jelly at the bottom.
Some people don't
care for jelly doughnuts.
I like jelly doughnuts.
I love jelly...
I got your call. I'm here.
I'm Victor.
Where's my money?
Wow! Look at those shoes.
Oh.
I have been looking
for shoes like that
all over Manhattan.
Look, I don't
have a lot of time,
so let's get right
down to business.
If you don't give me
$17,000 in 24 hours,
I get all your equipment,
the lease is broken,
and everything
reverts back to me.
Fresh ground-roasted.
One lump or two?
Who is she, one of
the ugly Osmonds?
Donny, Marie, conference.
Uh, all right, look.
Uh, quickly, name,
uh, something you do
to, uh, get someone
on your side.
BOTH: Um... Give 'em a present.
BOTH: Present!
Good answer, good answer.
And I know just the gift
to make any man happy.
Amy, Amy, what are you doing?
Don't worry, Henry.
The whole time I'm with
him, I'll be thinking of you.
It's a sweet gesture,
but I don't think we
have to resort to that.
Why not? Let her go
to second or third...
Look, call him Bronco.
I know I love that.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Let's just try to be real, okay?
Victor, you know,
we just... Whoa.
We just sunk
our life savings
into this place.
Everything we have.
I mean, the whole
kit and caboodle.
You know what I'm saying?
We want this business.
And we know...
We can get the money.
We just need a little more time.
And I've given you
a little more time.
A day.
What a difference a day makes.
Twenty-four little hours.
Whoops. And there she goes now.
Twenty three hours,
59 minutes, and ticking.
Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock.
Victor, we can get the
money. We just need to get...
Look, I swear we'll
get you the money!
No chance, because
you don't have the time,
ticktock, ticktock.
Oh, that happens to remind me.
I've got to go foreclose
now on some Swiss people.
All right.
Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticky-ticky-ti-ti. Ticky-ti-ti.
That guy really ticks me off.
( upbeat theme playing)
Hey, I cleaned this so
well, I can see my reflection.
Uh, you guys, uh, I
don't know what to say.
You guys are really great, uh...
I'm sorry to have to
be the bummer here,
but you just cleaned
up Victor's place.
We didn't get the loan.
Oh.
Hello... Well, well, well,
well, well, well, well.
What an exciting use of space!
Hello. I just
thought I'd drop by,
see if you wanted to soak up
any of my business acumen.
Oh. You didn't
get the bank loan.
Oh, I'm sorry. I...
It never occurred to me that...
(ticking repeatedly)
(imitates buzzer)
Time's up.
Got the money, boys?
No, Cheslo, we don't.
Well, thank goodness!
I'm delighted.
You know, I have
plans for this place.
I've got some girls.
I've got some swans.
I'm gonna make some
X-rated myths here.
Excuse me. Hello. Heh.
I don't think you
and I have met.
You must be Victor. Heh.
My name is Ruth Dunbar.
Hey, look, hit the
streets, red, okay?
Young man, I am not accustomed
to being spoken
to in that manner.
Oh, well, I'm so sorry.
Maybe this is more what
you're accustomed to.
Hey, Sparkle, 20
bucks enough, eh? Huh?
(Victor laughs)
Not half enough, buddy!
Thank you very much, Henry.
I think I can take care of this.
Victor, this...
This whole thing has
made you happy, hasn't it?
Ecstatic.
RUTH: But, now,
tell me something.
If the boys had gotten the money
and been able to keep the place,
that would have
made you sad, true?
True, true. Yeah.
Victor, it's just become
desperately important to me
that you be sad.
What, uh, are you doing here?
Ruth, you can't do this.
Kip, she can't do this.
Why not?
Because then it'll
be her business.
She doesn't want
her own business.
Who says?
I've always wanted
to be an entrepreneur.
Always, always, since
the beginning of time.
And I don't believe I could
find two better partners.
Partners?
You... You mean,
like fifty-fifty partners?
AMY: Uh, I have 2 percent.
All right, 49 percent for me,
49 percent for the
boys, 2 percent for Amy.
You guys do all the work. Deal?
ALL: Deal.
(Victor scoffs)
Get him, Ruth. He's stunned.
He doesn't know what to say.
Seventeen thousand
dollars, under the wire.
Heh. Lady, lady,
an act of friendship
isn't worth this much money.
Come on.
Is that so?
It is to me.
Besides which, Victor,
I'm just an
extravagant kind of girl.
What you just
offered me $20 for,
I just did to you for 17 grand.
( mellow theme playing)
We have speed. Quiet, please.
In five, four, three, two, act!
Heck.
Has this ever happened to you?
Or this?
Yuck.
There's 50 cents down the tubes.
What are you gonna do?
Doesn't have to
always be that way.
Hello?
(weak voice): That's why
the pencil gets a clamp.
Excuse me.
Hello, little boy.
What can I do for you?
I left a pen and
pencil to be repaired.
So you did, so
you did, so you did.
Yeah.
Uh, here it is.
Gosh, what a
great job. Yes, it is.
How much do I owe you?
We'll bill you, son.
Okay, okay.
Wow.
What a nice pen
and pencil, big boy.
Tell me, where do
you get 'em repaired?
Why, Luther's Pen and
Pencil Repair, of course.
It's pointless to go anywhere
but Luther's Pen
and Pencil Repair.
Not associated with the
Lutheran Church of America.
( upbeat theme playing)
we moved to New York,
we had a great
apartment that was cheap.
KIP (voice-over):
And we found out why.
HENRY: Our friend Amy said
there was a great
apartment in her building.
KIP: Dirt cheap. But
it's a hotel for women.
Okay, we made one adjustment.
HENRY: Now these other ladies
know us as Buffy and Hildegarde.
KIP: But they also know us
as Kip and Henry, Buffy
and Hildy's brothers.
I am, uh, crazy
about the blond, heh.
HENRY: This experience
is gonna make a great book.
KIP: See, it's all
perfectly normal.
(Stephanie Mills' "Shake
Me Loose" playing)
♪ I'd like to be J. Paul Getty ♪
♪ That gig Has got potential ♪
♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪
♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with ♪
♪ Oh, ooh... ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try to shake me ♪
♪ And you can leave
If you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ You can tell me to go away ♪
♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
( upbeat theme playing)
Okay, commissioner. Thanks.
Go.
( suspenseful theme playing)
Go.
(mouthing words)
Come.
Go.
(snaps fingers)
Go.
Stop.
Now go.
Oh...
Ooh, Kip.
Kippy, "Top-kippy."
There it is, our
collective fortune,
$2,000. (grunts)
Behold it. Oh, I be holding it.
Well, be letting go of it.
'Cause as of today,
it starts earning 16 and
nine-tenths percent interest.
BOTH (in unison):
T-bill. T-bill. T-bill.
(sniffing)
Snorting money?
Yeah.
Eliminates the middleman.
That, my little gumdrop,
is our collective fortune.
Today we buy a
$2,000 treasury bill.
Ah...
I've never seen so
much money before.
Two thousand dollars!
(gasps) Oh, let me feel it.
I just want to touch it.
Just let me feel it, okay?
Come on.
Oh, that felt so good.
Stick around. Maybe
he'll roll up some quarters.
(shrieking)
(barking)
Ha, ha. Moe, Larry, jeez,
there's only $1,960 here.
We're 40 bucks short.
Why don't you
check up your nose?
Why don't I check up
your... HENRY: Kip.
I don't know, uh...
It's not here. Maybe we'll...
We'll just have to wait
till next week's paycheck.
Wow. Cashus interruptus.
N-n-no, w-w-w-wait.
I got $40. Let me invest.
I want to own a
piece of the rock.
Fine. Put some
gravel in your shorts.
Pebbles, Bamm-Bamm,
come on, now.
I think we can let her invest.
We're a modern Stone Age family.
(giggles)
All right, she's in.
(laughs)
Henry, we're investing partners.
Now, really, can joint
checking be far behind?
As far as I know.
Uh, listen, Kip, I'm going to
take that commercial down
to my Uncle Mort's
studio, all right?
Then I'm gonna
get over to the bank,
and I'll zip back here
and I'll meet you for lunch.
KIP: Okay, okay.
Um... Hold that there.
W-what are you doing?
This, my friend,
is the world's greatest
protection against muggers.
Oh, great. Real smart.
You're a genius, Mr. Brinks.
What about Amy's 40 bucks?
Oh, yeah.
I bet this hurts.
(tape rips off) (Henry screams)
( upbeat theme playing)
Victor, please.
At least give me a
chance to sell the place.
I'm begging you.
Mort, Mort, I adore
begging, but no, no, no.
You owe me too much money.
Now, look, if I don't get
that cash by Monday,
the lease is broken,
and I get everything.
And, Mort, my favorite
thing is everything.
HENRY: Hello, Uncle Mort.
Hello, Henry. I'll
talk to you later.
Monday, Mort.
Monday.
Hi, Henry Desmond.
I'm Uncle Mort's nephew.
He married my Aunt Jess,
who you probably didn't meet.
Chatty guy.
Hey, uh, Uncle Mort,
I got another commercial
for you from our agency.
It's not a big commercial.
It's for, uh, Luther's
Pen and Pencil Repair.
Now, I've heard Luther
will be doing felt tip repair,
and, well, then the
mind reels, you know.
Come here, you crazy nut,
and get a kiss from your uncle.
Hold it.
Mom talked to you about
this kissing thing, okay?
Listen, I gotta get to the bank.
Today I deposit $2,000.
$2,000? Why, Henry. Mm-hm.
Henry, Henry.
I've been thinking of
passing on my legacy.
Have I ever told you
that you're like the
son I never had?
You have a son,
my cousin Donald.
He's about yea tall,
Hispanic-looking.
Give this thriving
enterprise to Donald,
the dance instructor?
He's a tulip. Whose...?
I mean, whose fault is that?
He was over-kissed,
Mort. It warps a kid.
Henry, I'm talking about you.
I want you to
have all this, now.
For only, let's say, $2,000.
Uh, no, Uncle Mort, I
can't. I gotta buy a T-bill.
Henry, I'm offering
you a future.
Your own business.
You, too, could
make commercials.
Look, video equipment.
Yeah, well, you know,
this is pretty neat stuff.
Heh. Took a lot of
video courses in college.
Smile.
Oh, you know, Uncle Mort,
this is an awful lot of stuff
for only 2 grand.
You bet, but you're family.
My only important family.
Except for my common-law
wife in Acapulco.
I've always dreamed of re...
I've always dreamed
of retiring there.
Yeah, well, you know, the thing
is it's not even all my money.
That's the thing, really,
because I got a partner,
and I can't just... Can't
just drag him into it.
Oh, sure.
What if Mr. Roebuck
had said that?
That's true.
Then Spiegel would have
had the only viable catalog.
I wish I had more time to think.
There is no time!
You're an ad man.
Be your own ad man.
The world is waiting for you.
Grab it, kid. Come on.
What do you say?
Well, I guess I say...
(tape rips off) (Henry screams)
( mellow theme playing)
You what?!
I, uh... I didn't
buy us a T-bill.
I bought my Uncle Mort's
commercial production
house instead.
(women laugh) Down!
Hey, I did it for our future.
Our future? Our future?
We now have the
same future as disco.
You really steam me,
buddy, you know that?
And you smoke my
kachongas, buster.
Oh, your kachongas are smoking.
Well, my kachongas
are in flames.
I send you to the
market with a fat cow,
and you come home with
a bunch of magic beans.
Can...? Can I see
the magic beans?
There aren't any beans.
You mean, he didn't
even get the beans?
There are no beans, Amy.
It's a metaphor.
And some people have the
nerve to say blonds are dumb.
All right, smarty-pants,
then what are kachongas?
This is a kachonga.
Now, if you don't want
it to fly onto your lips,
you will all settle down
and give Henry a
chance to explain.
Thank you, Isabelle.
Don't thank me.
Well, at least
someone is on my side.
Not me.
At least you have the decency...
Why don't you leave me alone?
All right.
Now, Kip, are you gonna
let me say what I have to say
without saying a
word until I'm done?
Okay.
Well, maybe I was a
little hasty in doing this
without consulting you,
but there wasn't time.
It's not bull.
Uncle Mort had to sell quick.
Now, uh, we
could sell it back...
if Uncle Mort hadn't
already left for Mexico.
Kip, it's worth it. I swear.
There is $20,000 worth
of equipment in this place
and a ten-year lease on
a rent-controlled building.
What could be better?
All right, you know,
the damage is done.
I mean, what am
I supposed to do?
Great. Great.
Okay, fine.
Maybe...
Maybe I didn't act in the
most sensible manner,
but I did it for us.
Now, how many times in your
life you expect someone to say,
"Hey, kid, how would you
like your own business?
"Hey, kid, how would you like
a career instead of a job, huh?
"Hey, kid, how would you like
to, uh, call some shots, huh?
"Take some responsibility, eh?
"Hey, kid, how would
you like to be in control
"of your own damn
destiny for once in your life?
(sobbing): "Hey, kid...
how would you like to grow up?"
Well,
I know I only have $40
worth of opinion here,
but I say, hey, kid,
if you could use
me, then I'm in.
You two in business, together?
You'll lose your kachongas.
Well, we need a partner.
(sighs)
Partner. Tsk.
And, yes, a business
was born this day,
spawned in the river of hope,
swimming toward
the sea of success
on an ocean of good
and free enterprise.
( mellow theme playing)
Uh, Ruth, uh, can
you sit down for a sec?
Because Kip and I
really need to talk to you.
Certainement. What can
I do for my favorite boys?
Uh, well, uh... Ooh.
Ruth? Uh... (camera clicking)
This is difficult to say
because we're all like family.
Uh, well, not
exactly like family
because for one, we, uh...
We all have
different last names.
My God. Work with
me. Work with me.
Hey, what is this,
Vogue? Come on.
Terribly sorry.
What I'm trying
to say is that, uh,
when opportunity knocks...
you can't be out bowling.
Heh.
Catch my drift?
No.
RUTH: Aw.
We quit.
(camera clicks)
What?
Uh, what she said, in,
uh, so many words, yeah.
The three of you?
Yeah, well, uh, we... We got
this other business opportunity.
I really had faith
in you, Wilson.
Oh. I thought
you'd be different.
No. I-I'm still just the
same old doody-head.
Oh, I get it.
You're negotiating,
looking for a little sweetening
in the old weekly paycheck, huh?
Uh, no, Ruth.
Well, I like that.
I respect it.
How does...
$35 a week extra
each sound to you?
Sounds pretty darn
good to me, huh?
Henry, 35 bucks a week,
that's a lot of...
That's, uh... Heh.
No, thanks, Ruth.
Oh, I see.
You'd like to play
tough, would you?
All right, I like that too.
I can play hardball.
No raise, and if you
don't watch your steps,
I'll see to it that
you get a cut.
I am like a rock
on this, gentlemen,
and I cannot be moved.
She looking yet?
She is now.
Guys, come on. I mean, really.
You're not going to
leave me, are you?
Yeah, yeah, we are.
We... We bought our own
commercial production house.
We're gonna make
our own commercials.
It's a chance for us
to be independent.
Uh, but are you sure that
a little bit more
money couldn't...?
Maybe I could swing
you some private offices.
(sighs)
Sex?
No. No.
Well, I guess there's really
nothing more to say, but...
good luck.
Really.
Good luck in your new venture.
Thank you.
(sighs)
Well, I guess I
better get on the horn,
see if I can find
some replacements.
Going to miss you.
Aw, goodbye, Ruth.
Bye, Amy.
Well, you guys want to
look at these books now?
Yeah, what are you
showing over here?
(groans)
Well, according to
these figures here,
come Monday afternoon
we're gonna lose
this entire business
if we don't pay one,
uh, Victor Cheslo
just a little bit over...
$17,000.
Okay, everybody,
one more, for me.
Wave.
Smile.
(camera clicking)
All right, remember,
we need this guy's help.
Think friendly.
Everybody act like Dinah Shore.
Hi, Victor, how are you?
Cup? Coffee?
Doughnut?
Or two? Or three?
Think there's some
jelly at the bottom.
Some people don't
care for jelly doughnuts.
I like jelly doughnuts.
I love jelly...
I got your call. I'm here.
I'm Victor.
Where's my money?
Wow! Look at those shoes.
Oh.
I have been looking
for shoes like that
all over Manhattan.
Look, I don't
have a lot of time,
so let's get right
down to business.
If you don't give me
$17,000 in 24 hours,
I get all your equipment,
the lease is broken,
and everything
reverts back to me.
Fresh ground-roasted.
One lump or two?
Who is she, one of
the ugly Osmonds?
Donny, Marie, conference.
Uh, all right, look.
Uh, quickly, name,
uh, something you do
to, uh, get someone
on your side.
BOTH: Um... Give 'em a present.
BOTH: Present!
Good answer, good answer.
And I know just the gift
to make any man happy.
Amy, Amy, what are you doing?
Don't worry, Henry.
The whole time I'm with
him, I'll be thinking of you.
It's a sweet gesture,
but I don't think we
have to resort to that.
Why not? Let her go
to second or third...
Look, call him Bronco.
I know I love that.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Let's just try to be real, okay?
Victor, you know,
we just... Whoa.
We just sunk
our life savings
into this place.
Everything we have.
I mean, the whole
kit and caboodle.
You know what I'm saying?
We want this business.
And we know...
We can get the money.
We just need a little more time.
And I've given you
a little more time.
A day.
What a difference a day makes.
Twenty-four little hours.
Whoops. And there she goes now.
Twenty three hours,
59 minutes, and ticking.
Ticktock, ticktock, ticktock.
Victor, we can get the
money. We just need to get...
Look, I swear we'll
get you the money!
No chance, because
you don't have the time,
ticktock, ticktock.
Oh, that happens to remind me.
I've got to go foreclose
now on some Swiss people.
All right.
Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticky-ticky-ti-ti. Ticky-ti-ti.
That guy really ticks me off.
( upbeat theme playing)
Hey, I cleaned this so
well, I can see my reflection.
Uh, you guys, uh, I
don't know what to say.
You guys are really great, uh...
I'm sorry to have to
be the bummer here,
but you just cleaned
up Victor's place.
We didn't get the loan.
Oh.
Hello... Well, well, well,
well, well, well, well.
What an exciting use of space!
Hello. I just
thought I'd drop by,
see if you wanted to soak up
any of my business acumen.
Oh. You didn't
get the bank loan.
Oh, I'm sorry. I...
It never occurred to me that...
(ticking repeatedly)
(imitates buzzer)
Time's up.
Got the money, boys?
No, Cheslo, we don't.
Well, thank goodness!
I'm delighted.
You know, I have
plans for this place.
I've got some girls.
I've got some swans.
I'm gonna make some
X-rated myths here.
Excuse me. Hello. Heh.
I don't think you
and I have met.
You must be Victor. Heh.
My name is Ruth Dunbar.
Hey, look, hit the
streets, red, okay?
Young man, I am not accustomed
to being spoken
to in that manner.
Oh, well, I'm so sorry.
Maybe this is more what
you're accustomed to.
Hey, Sparkle, 20
bucks enough, eh? Huh?
(Victor laughs)
Not half enough, buddy!
Thank you very much, Henry.
I think I can take care of this.
Victor, this...
This whole thing has
made you happy, hasn't it?
Ecstatic.
RUTH: But, now,
tell me something.
If the boys had gotten the money
and been able to keep the place,
that would have
made you sad, true?
True, true. Yeah.
Victor, it's just become
desperately important to me
that you be sad.
What, uh, are you doing here?
Ruth, you can't do this.
Kip, she can't do this.
Why not?
Because then it'll
be her business.
She doesn't want
her own business.
Who says?
I've always wanted
to be an entrepreneur.
Always, always, since
the beginning of time.
And I don't believe I could
find two better partners.
Partners?
You... You mean,
like fifty-fifty partners?
AMY: Uh, I have 2 percent.
All right, 49 percent for me,
49 percent for the
boys, 2 percent for Amy.
You guys do all the work. Deal?
ALL: Deal.
(Victor scoffs)
Get him, Ruth. He's stunned.
He doesn't know what to say.
Seventeen thousand
dollars, under the wire.
Heh. Lady, lady,
an act of friendship
isn't worth this much money.
Come on.
Is that so?
It is to me.
Besides which, Victor,
I'm just an
extravagant kind of girl.
What you just
offered me $20 for,
I just did to you for 17 grand.
( mellow theme playing)
We have speed. Quiet, please.
In five, four, three, two, act!
Heck.
Has this ever happened to you?
Or this?
Yuck.
There's 50 cents down the tubes.
What are you gonna do?
Doesn't have to
always be that way.
Hello?
(weak voice): That's why
the pencil gets a clamp.
Excuse me.
Hello, little boy.
What can I do for you?
I left a pen and
pencil to be repaired.
So you did, so
you did, so you did.
Yeah.
Uh, here it is.
Gosh, what a
great job. Yes, it is.
How much do I owe you?
We'll bill you, son.
Okay, okay.
Wow.
What a nice pen
and pencil, big boy.
Tell me, where do
you get 'em repaired?
Why, Luther's Pen and
Pencil Repair, of course.
It's pointless to go anywhere
but Luther's Pen
and Pencil Repair.
Not associated with the
Lutheran Church of America.
( upbeat theme playing)