Bosom Buddies (1980–1982): Season 1, Episode 10 - Gotta Dance - full transcript
Sonny decides to go home to Michigan, so Kip entices her to stay by getting her a starring role in a TV commercial.
♪ I'd like to be J. Paul Getty ♪
♪ That gig Has got potential ♪
♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪
♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ I'd like a chateau In Paris ♪
♪ There ain't no doubt
About it ♪ ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ But I can Live without it ♪
♪ If I've got A
friend like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can tell me To go away ♪
♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with ♪
♪ Oh, ohhhh ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Shake me loose ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
Did you enjoy your dinner?
Well, there's the check.
Yep, there she is.
Yep, it's face down, too.
Well, let's see
what the damage is.
Freeze.
Everybody's
paying for their own.
Hey, why don't we just
divvy it up five ways?
Are you kidding?
All I had was cottage cheese
and Buffy had the
Henry VIII plate.
Jump on a girl's case
just because she eats
a couple of chickens.
Buffy's on a strict regimen.
The Elizabeth Taylor diet.
Oh, the claws are
showing, aren't they?
All right, everybody.
I figured it out.
Everybody put in $3,
and that will cover it.
She said $3.
Three dollars apiece.
There you are.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Sonny. Hi, Sonny, sit down.
Would you like something?
Yes, a career.
Oh, I just got rejected from
my fifteenth audition this month.
I'm either too short, too
tall, too skinny, too blond.
Just now they told
me I was too ethnic.
Mm, I hear you, sister.
There, there, Sonny.
As fellow actresses, Hildy
and I get that all the time.
Yes, last week someone
told us we were too hormonal.
Girls, I give up.
I'm tired of the rejection.
At least I don't
get that as a nurse.
When the patient needs a
bedpan, they're happy to see me.
Well, I can get behind that.
You know, Sonny,
you just go ahead
and you be the best darn
nurse in New York City,
if that's what you want.
No, I'm gonna be the best
darn nurse in Kalamazoo.
Girls, I've decided.
I'm going home.
No.
Femme it up a little, Buff.
I'm gonna start packing.
It was really nice
knowing all of you.
Sonny, wait.
You just can't run
out. We'll talk later.
Boys, if you could have
your wildest wish come true,
what would it be?
Well, uh... Can I go first?
Yep. I guess it would be
to hear the New York
Times book critic say,
"Mr. Desmond's latest work
makes Tale of Two Cities
read like Horton Hears a Who".
Kip?
To hold a beautiful
blond nurse captive
till she learns to
reciprocate my love.
Henry... dreamer.
Kip... pervert.
But on with my news.
You two are going
to get your first crack
at producing and directing
your own commercial.
The United Library
Association spot is yours.
Ruth, we're up to the challenge.
We're gonna dazzle.
We're going to involve.
We're going to excite.
We're going to educate.
Henry... That
wide-eyed innocence...
that enthusiasm.
Stuff it.
Wally.
Wally. Hello.
How nice to see you again.
It's Ruth.
Oh. Ruth... Now you
come right in here
because I want you to
meet your new creative team.
This is Henry Desmond,
and this is Kip Wilson.
Boys, Wallace Gregory
of the Library Association.
Hi. How do you do?
Mr. Gregory, uh,
Kip and I have already
been hard at work
thinking about this
year's campaign.
Good, good.
Have a seat?
Sit yourself right down here.
Just some... Some
ideas, uh, off the head.
Uh, we... We picture a-a
man in a distinguished suit,
not unlike yourself today,
uh, seated in a stately chair.
He's, uh... He's reading.
Ooh.
Uh, we feature this.
He's, uh... He's smoking a pipe,
there's, uh, a greyhound
perhaps lounging at his feet.
Can you...? Can you
believe that? A greyhound?
Oh... it's brilliant.
Ruth, I'm so glad to see you
brought in some new blood.
If you ask me, it's caca.
Caca? Ruth... Mr. Gregory,
you seem to me to be a with-it,
post-1970s kind
of guy. Am I right?
Oh, well, I try to stay current.
Then you know what
I mean when I say
the commercial needs a
little spice, shall we say s-e-x?
That spells sex.
Correct-arooney.
We... We get two dogs.
Oh, my God.
My God, my God, Ruth.
Mr. Gregory, Mr. Gregory,
just listen to me
for a moment if you will.
Pipe this, what do you think?
A production number.
♪ Gotta read, gotta read ♪
A beautiful, blond
dancer extolling the virtues
of reading a good book.
We wanna get these
people into the public library.
Am I right? We don't care how.
Am I right again?
Do you know what
I'm talking about?
Are you hip?
Oh... let's do it.
Just drop the dog
and add the chick.
I love the dog.
Every time I try to
make a suggestion,
the library shushes me.
Well, not this time.
We are gonna go with:
♪ Gotta read ♪
Oh, I love it.
I mean, I love it.
And I've got the
contracts already drawn up
right in my office.
♪ Gotta read ♪
♪ Gotta read ♪
Very nice, my pretties.
You have just given him
delusions of grandeur.
Perhaps I ought
to have mentioned
that the budget
for this little opus
is $740.21.
Okay, Busby.
Blond dancer.
Now, a blond dancer.
Where in all of New York are
we gonna find a blond dancer?
Sonny.
No.
He knows all along.
Look, this will keep Sonny
in New York, you idiot.
It makes... Hello, Sonny. Hi.
This is Kip.
Oh, no, no, I'm
calling from work.
Listen, uh... unpack.
I got you a commercial.
Singing, dancing, reading,
everything, heh, heh.
Yeah, for money. Ha, ha.
That's absolutely right. Ha, ha.
No, no, no, no.
Naw, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
Look, look, Sonny, I-I-I'll
talk to you later on, okay?
You are a fool.
I am a fool? She just said
she wanted to hug my
body and kiss my face.
Maybe vice versa.
If you told her in person,
that's exactly what
she would've done.
I'm a fool.
I'm taking over this
elevator. Come on, down.
Okay, people, let's, uh,
appreciate the hard
work, really, before it starts.
I wanna take it from the very
top, a complete dress rehearsal.
Oh!
This set looks fabulous.
Petey, Petey, hey, kudos to
all the kids in wood shop, really.
A plus with me.
All right, where are my dancers?
Oh... Kip, do I look all right?
Do you look all right?
Are you kidding?
You look fabulous, fabulous.
Hug.
Oh, Kip, I'm so nervous.
I hope I remember everything.
You crazy little pumpkin-face.
Everything's gonna
be fine. Just fine.
Kip... Don't call
me pumpkin-face.
Okay, muffin sweet-ums.
Let's go, people.
Can we take it
from the top, please?
Uh, places, good, good, good.
Now look, remember,
energy, energy,
and don't forget on the bridge,
five, six, seven, eight,
back step, pivot, pivot,
lunge, walk, walk, walk, walk.
All right, places,
please, from the top.
Let's get to our places, please.
People, we are
fighting the time.
All right, I'm gonna
count it down from five.
Take a beat on one.
Five, four, three, two, action.
♪ No, you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a book ♪
♪ Remember the library
So grand and stately ♪
♪ Well, bub, have you
Checked it out lately? ♪
♪ Shakespeare, Dickens
and Steinbeck too ♪
♪ I want to read somebody ♪
♪ But who? ♪
♪ So you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a book ♪
♪ What's the hook? ♪
♪ There are novels
And histories ♪
♪ Cookbooks And
ghost stories too ♪
♪ Boo ♪
♪ So you're never alone
No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday night
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday
night With a... ♪
♪ Book ♪
See ya at the library.
Good work.
All right, I've got
just a few notes.
I've got just a few notes.
People. Settle.
Okay, I've got
just a few problems
to fix with this script.
Beyond that, it was fabulous,
mostly a fabulous job.
Hey, Sammy Glit, what's
wrong with the script?
I-I-I wrote the script.
Well, just a few things.
"Cookbooks and
ghost stories too. Boo."
Look, we'll take lunch.
We'll talk about it?
No, let's talk about
it now, Fosse.
I-I mean, you cut the dog,
how much more do
you think I can take?
Gentlemen, may I remind
you that time is money.
We don't want another
Heaven's Gate on our hands.
She's right.
Okay, that's a wrap.
Thank you, Mikey.
Thank you, guys.
Really, fabulous, fabulous.
Ciao, babies. Ciao.
Go throw some groceries
down your neck, okay?
Kip? Yeah?
Was I really good? Be brutal.
Were you good?
Sonny, you were...
Oh, please don't say fabulous.
You were incredible.
I don't know how
to tell you what...
How much this
chance meant to me.
Oh...
Thank you for everything.
Oh, I had a great day.
You're in.
Boys, do you see this
smile playing about my lips?
It means that Ruth is pleased.
Good. Well, thank you.
Hi, everybody.
Oh, Wally. Hi.
Hey, Mr. G. Mr. Gregory,
how are you?
I want you to meet Audrey.
She's gonna be
our new library girl.
Library... Uh,
Mr. Gregory, the...
The part's already filled.
We agreed on the casting.
But that was before
I met Audrey...
at the library.
Yeah. I thought it
was a bowlin' alley.
Pretty stupid, huh?
No argument here.
She's the library girl...
or we pull the account.
Hey, honey, let's go find
your dressing
room together, huh?
Hope I have enough digitalis.
Ruth, Ruth, what
are we gonna do?
How do we tell this
bozo he can't walk in here
and make changes
at the last minute?
We don't. Sonny's out.
Come on, Ruth.
You're not that cold.
Business is business.
You're gonna have to tell her.
Look, Kip, I know this
is not gonna be easy,
but I think it's best if
she heard it from you.
Damn.
So I said to him, "Sucker,
you couldn't get to first base
"with me if you were
Reggie Jackson.
Now, beat it."
You guys are busy.
No, honey, I was just leaving.
You know, Kip, you are a doll.
It's a shame there
aren't more men like you.
Actually, one more would do it.
Uh, Sonny, can I talk to you?
Sure.
Oh, Kip.
Oh, you're the most
wonderful man I've ever met.
She's taking this better
than I thought she would.
Here, sit down.
Yeah.
Um... I have something for you.
Oh, Sonny, that's
not a present, is it?
Not with what
I've got to tell you,
that's not a present.
Tell me it's not a present.
It's a present.
Oh, oh, Sonny.
Tiffany's.
Nice.
The best for the best.
Oh, oh, oh, Sonny,
sterling silver cuff links.
Read the inscription.
Love, Sonny, Kip, with.
No, silly.
Kip, with love, Sonny. Oh.
Kip... That's really nice.
You've turned my life around.
There aren't enough
cuff links in the world
to express my gratitude.
Now, what did
you want to tell me?
Uh, excuse me, I, uh...
gotta go buy a shirt
with French cuffs.
Well, how'd she take it?
She bought me cuff links.
You can't just spit
on cuff links, can ya?
Well, do you want
me to tell her?
No, no, I'll tell her.
It's my job. I'm a professional.
Mr. Producer, you're wonderful.
You turned that little
towhead from sad to glad.
Henry, if you ever need
an older, more mature,
full-figured woman,
keep me in mind.
Here's my resume and photo.
I also tap.
Why me?
Here, file this under F.
Full-figured?
No, foto.
Sonny, uh, I'm sorry,
there's something I
need to talk to you about.
I know.
You saw me give Kip a gift.
Henry, did you think
I'd forget about you?
Silly.
Here. Oh.
With my gratitude.
Oh... Sonny, Sonny,
Sonny, Sonny...
This is really difficult.
I-I... I-I don't know...
I don't know how to
tell you this, but, uh...
it's just my color.
How'd you know?
All right, that's good.
Take it up. Take it up.
Up, keep going. Keep going.
Okay, right there, that's
good, that's good, that's good.
Tie it off. Perfect.
Hey, morning,
Mikey. Hey, Kipper.
Hey, guy. How'd, uh...
How'd Sonny take it when
you told her this morning?
She, uh... She... She, uh...
She gave me this
belt. Pretty nice, huh?
Answer the next question
yes or no. D-did you tell Sonny?
Let's talk about this
theoretically for a moment.
What if, say...
Audrey couldn't do the dance?
What if, say, she,
uh, pulled up lame?
Y-you're driving at
something, aren't you?
What is it? Go...
Wh-what are you talking about?
Audrey.
Ah, you didn't tell her.
Works boss, Mike man,
take it up. Heh, heh.
How 'bout that, huh?
Apocalypse Audrey.
Kip, Kipper, Francis Ford
Kippola, come on now.
I... I don't know.
I-I've got a moral
problem with it.
Audrey, baby, how
are ya? Hi, Audrey.
Oh. You look fabulous.
Listen, I wanna start
the number over here.
That's it, right there. In
the tomato stain. Very nice.
Good morning.
I see that everything's
under control. Hello.
I see the dead-end
Kids haven't broken any...
I see that Sonny is still here.
I see that you haven't told her.
Excuse me, but, uh,
you're wearing my costume.
Hey, they told me
it was my costume.
That's impossible.
Kip, tell this girl she's
wearing my costume.
I would like nothing
better, Sonny.
Tell her, Henry.
Uh, would you excuse
us just a moment, please?
Sure.
But I ain't losin' the costume.
Will someone please
tell me what's going on?
Uh, it looks like I'm
the only grownup here.
What's going on, Sonny, is...
Is that you won't be
doing this commercial.
Damn it, Ruth.
You could have shown
a little sensitivity here.
Why? I mean, was I that bad?
No. RUTH: No, not at all.
Listen to me, uh,
the three of us have discussed
this and we have decided
that you would be
much, much better off
doing the Trans Allied
beverage commercial.
Yeah. We discussed that.
- Really?
Yes, we did and that's
what we decided, uh-huh.
The beverage company needs
a, uh... A dancing soda bottle
and we were able
to convince them
that you would be
absolutely perfect...
Perfect.
I would be perfect? Tall. Yeah.
Now, this is a
national commercial.
A national commercial.
You'll be making tons and
tons of residuals and, of course,
it will not be on at 3:30 a.m.
in the morning just
before the Indian cries.
I can't believe this.
Now, they're gonna need
you today for some fittings,
so here's the address
and they're expecting you.
We wanted to tell you all
day. Yeah, that's the thing.
I thought... I feel so stupid.
No. I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
Just skedaddle.
And they say New
York is a cold city.
Well, I didn't have friends
like this in Kalamazoo.
Henry, hug.
Come on, get outta
here, you'll be late.
Oh, Kip, by the way,
what's your neck size?
Fifteen and a half.
I like Portuguese
fisherman sweaters.
Not bad, Ruth. Not bad.
I'm wrong. Quite
good. Very good.
Oh. I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Oh, forget it.
For heaven's sakes, I
mean, she's a good dancer.
I... I didn't want
to see her lose out.
Besides, Audrey
comes very cheap.
May I add just one thing?
What?
Well, that's... That's fine.
Very nice.
That's... That's...
You know, I... I think we're
sharing a warm moment.
I've heard about these.
How long do they generally last?
♪ No, you're never alone
No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday night
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ No, you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a... ♪
♪ Book ♪
♪ That gig Has got potential ♪
♪ But the only thing
That's essential ♪
♪ Is having a friend Like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ I'd like a chateau In Paris ♪
♪ There ain't no doubt
About it ♪ ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
♪ But I can Live without it ♪
♪ If I've got A
friend like you ♪
♪ Well, you can try
To shake me loose ♪
♪ Don't try To shake me ♪
♪ You can tell me To go away ♪
♪ But it doesn't
matter What you say ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with me ♪
♪ I'm stickin' around ♪
♪ You're stuck with ♪
♪ Oh, ohhhh ♪
♪ Try to shake me loose ♪
♪ Shake me loose ♪
♪ You can leave If
you got a mind to ♪
♪ But I'm gonna be
Right behind you ♪
♪ It ain't any use ♪
♪ You ain't never
gonna Shake me loose ♪
Did you enjoy your dinner?
Well, there's the check.
Yep, there she is.
Yep, it's face down, too.
Well, let's see
what the damage is.
Freeze.
Everybody's
paying for their own.
Hey, why don't we just
divvy it up five ways?
Are you kidding?
All I had was cottage cheese
and Buffy had the
Henry VIII plate.
Jump on a girl's case
just because she eats
a couple of chickens.
Buffy's on a strict regimen.
The Elizabeth Taylor diet.
Oh, the claws are
showing, aren't they?
All right, everybody.
I figured it out.
Everybody put in $3,
and that will cover it.
She said $3.
Three dollars apiece.
There you are.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Sonny. Hi, Sonny, sit down.
Would you like something?
Yes, a career.
Oh, I just got rejected from
my fifteenth audition this month.
I'm either too short, too
tall, too skinny, too blond.
Just now they told
me I was too ethnic.
Mm, I hear you, sister.
There, there, Sonny.
As fellow actresses, Hildy
and I get that all the time.
Yes, last week someone
told us we were too hormonal.
Girls, I give up.
I'm tired of the rejection.
At least I don't
get that as a nurse.
When the patient needs a
bedpan, they're happy to see me.
Well, I can get behind that.
You know, Sonny,
you just go ahead
and you be the best darn
nurse in New York City,
if that's what you want.
No, I'm gonna be the best
darn nurse in Kalamazoo.
Girls, I've decided.
I'm going home.
No.
Femme it up a little, Buff.
I'm gonna start packing.
It was really nice
knowing all of you.
Sonny, wait.
You just can't run
out. We'll talk later.
Boys, if you could have
your wildest wish come true,
what would it be?
Well, uh... Can I go first?
Yep. I guess it would be
to hear the New York
Times book critic say,
"Mr. Desmond's latest work
makes Tale of Two Cities
read like Horton Hears a Who".
Kip?
To hold a beautiful
blond nurse captive
till she learns to
reciprocate my love.
Henry... dreamer.
Kip... pervert.
But on with my news.
You two are going
to get your first crack
at producing and directing
your own commercial.
The United Library
Association spot is yours.
Ruth, we're up to the challenge.
We're gonna dazzle.
We're going to involve.
We're going to excite.
We're going to educate.
Henry... That
wide-eyed innocence...
that enthusiasm.
Stuff it.
Wally.
Wally. Hello.
How nice to see you again.
It's Ruth.
Oh. Ruth... Now you
come right in here
because I want you to
meet your new creative team.
This is Henry Desmond,
and this is Kip Wilson.
Boys, Wallace Gregory
of the Library Association.
Hi. How do you do?
Mr. Gregory, uh,
Kip and I have already
been hard at work
thinking about this
year's campaign.
Good, good.
Have a seat?
Sit yourself right down here.
Just some... Some
ideas, uh, off the head.
Uh, we... We picture a-a
man in a distinguished suit,
not unlike yourself today,
uh, seated in a stately chair.
He's, uh... He's reading.
Ooh.
Uh, we feature this.
He's, uh... He's smoking a pipe,
there's, uh, a greyhound
perhaps lounging at his feet.
Can you...? Can you
believe that? A greyhound?
Oh... it's brilliant.
Ruth, I'm so glad to see you
brought in some new blood.
If you ask me, it's caca.
Caca? Ruth... Mr. Gregory,
you seem to me to be a with-it,
post-1970s kind
of guy. Am I right?
Oh, well, I try to stay current.
Then you know what
I mean when I say
the commercial needs a
little spice, shall we say s-e-x?
That spells sex.
Correct-arooney.
We... We get two dogs.
Oh, my God.
My God, my God, Ruth.
Mr. Gregory, Mr. Gregory,
just listen to me
for a moment if you will.
Pipe this, what do you think?
A production number.
♪ Gotta read, gotta read ♪
A beautiful, blond
dancer extolling the virtues
of reading a good book.
We wanna get these
people into the public library.
Am I right? We don't care how.
Am I right again?
Do you know what
I'm talking about?
Are you hip?
Oh... let's do it.
Just drop the dog
and add the chick.
I love the dog.
Every time I try to
make a suggestion,
the library shushes me.
Well, not this time.
We are gonna go with:
♪ Gotta read ♪
Oh, I love it.
I mean, I love it.
And I've got the
contracts already drawn up
right in my office.
♪ Gotta read ♪
♪ Gotta read ♪
Very nice, my pretties.
You have just given him
delusions of grandeur.
Perhaps I ought
to have mentioned
that the budget
for this little opus
is $740.21.
Okay, Busby.
Blond dancer.
Now, a blond dancer.
Where in all of New York are
we gonna find a blond dancer?
Sonny.
No.
He knows all along.
Look, this will keep Sonny
in New York, you idiot.
It makes... Hello, Sonny. Hi.
This is Kip.
Oh, no, no, I'm
calling from work.
Listen, uh... unpack.
I got you a commercial.
Singing, dancing, reading,
everything, heh, heh.
Yeah, for money. Ha, ha.
That's absolutely right. Ha, ha.
No, no, no, no.
Naw, no, no, no.
Come on, come on, come on.
Look, look, Sonny, I-I-I'll
talk to you later on, okay?
You are a fool.
I am a fool? She just said
she wanted to hug my
body and kiss my face.
Maybe vice versa.
If you told her in person,
that's exactly what
she would've done.
I'm a fool.
I'm taking over this
elevator. Come on, down.
Okay, people, let's, uh,
appreciate the hard
work, really, before it starts.
I wanna take it from the very
top, a complete dress rehearsal.
Oh!
This set looks fabulous.
Petey, Petey, hey, kudos to
all the kids in wood shop, really.
A plus with me.
All right, where are my dancers?
Oh... Kip, do I look all right?
Do you look all right?
Are you kidding?
You look fabulous, fabulous.
Hug.
Oh, Kip, I'm so nervous.
I hope I remember everything.
You crazy little pumpkin-face.
Everything's gonna
be fine. Just fine.
Kip... Don't call
me pumpkin-face.
Okay, muffin sweet-ums.
Let's go, people.
Can we take it
from the top, please?
Uh, places, good, good, good.
Now look, remember,
energy, energy,
and don't forget on the bridge,
five, six, seven, eight,
back step, pivot, pivot,
lunge, walk, walk, walk, walk.
All right, places,
please, from the top.
Let's get to our places, please.
People, we are
fighting the time.
All right, I'm gonna
count it down from five.
Take a beat on one.
Five, four, three, two, action.
♪ No, you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a book ♪
♪ Remember the library
So grand and stately ♪
♪ Well, bub, have you
Checked it out lately? ♪
♪ Shakespeare, Dickens
and Steinbeck too ♪
♪ I want to read somebody ♪
♪ But who? ♪
♪ So you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a book ♪
♪ What's the hook? ♪
♪ There are novels
And histories ♪
♪ Cookbooks And
ghost stories too ♪
♪ Boo ♪
♪ So you're never alone
No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday night
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday
night With a... ♪
♪ Book ♪
See ya at the library.
Good work.
All right, I've got
just a few notes.
I've got just a few notes.
People. Settle.
Okay, I've got
just a few problems
to fix with this script.
Beyond that, it was fabulous,
mostly a fabulous job.
Hey, Sammy Glit, what's
wrong with the script?
I-I-I wrote the script.
Well, just a few things.
"Cookbooks and
ghost stories too. Boo."
Look, we'll take lunch.
We'll talk about it?
No, let's talk about
it now, Fosse.
I-I mean, you cut the dog,
how much more do
you think I can take?
Gentlemen, may I remind
you that time is money.
We don't want another
Heaven's Gate on our hands.
She's right.
Okay, that's a wrap.
Thank you, Mikey.
Thank you, guys.
Really, fabulous, fabulous.
Ciao, babies. Ciao.
Go throw some groceries
down your neck, okay?
Kip? Yeah?
Was I really good? Be brutal.
Were you good?
Sonny, you were...
Oh, please don't say fabulous.
You were incredible.
I don't know how
to tell you what...
How much this
chance meant to me.
Oh...
Thank you for everything.
Oh, I had a great day.
You're in.
Boys, do you see this
smile playing about my lips?
It means that Ruth is pleased.
Good. Well, thank you.
Hi, everybody.
Oh, Wally. Hi.
Hey, Mr. G. Mr. Gregory,
how are you?
I want you to meet Audrey.
She's gonna be
our new library girl.
Library... Uh,
Mr. Gregory, the...
The part's already filled.
We agreed on the casting.
But that was before
I met Audrey...
at the library.
Yeah. I thought it
was a bowlin' alley.
Pretty stupid, huh?
No argument here.
She's the library girl...
or we pull the account.
Hey, honey, let's go find
your dressing
room together, huh?
Hope I have enough digitalis.
Ruth, Ruth, what
are we gonna do?
How do we tell this
bozo he can't walk in here
and make changes
at the last minute?
We don't. Sonny's out.
Come on, Ruth.
You're not that cold.
Business is business.
You're gonna have to tell her.
Look, Kip, I know this
is not gonna be easy,
but I think it's best if
she heard it from you.
Damn.
So I said to him, "Sucker,
you couldn't get to first base
"with me if you were
Reggie Jackson.
Now, beat it."
You guys are busy.
No, honey, I was just leaving.
You know, Kip, you are a doll.
It's a shame there
aren't more men like you.
Actually, one more would do it.
Uh, Sonny, can I talk to you?
Sure.
Oh, Kip.
Oh, you're the most
wonderful man I've ever met.
She's taking this better
than I thought she would.
Here, sit down.
Yeah.
Um... I have something for you.
Oh, Sonny, that's
not a present, is it?
Not with what
I've got to tell you,
that's not a present.
Tell me it's not a present.
It's a present.
Oh, oh, Sonny.
Tiffany's.
Nice.
The best for the best.
Oh, oh, oh, Sonny,
sterling silver cuff links.
Read the inscription.
Love, Sonny, Kip, with.
No, silly.
Kip, with love, Sonny. Oh.
Kip... That's really nice.
You've turned my life around.
There aren't enough
cuff links in the world
to express my gratitude.
Now, what did
you want to tell me?
Uh, excuse me, I, uh...
gotta go buy a shirt
with French cuffs.
Well, how'd she take it?
She bought me cuff links.
You can't just spit
on cuff links, can ya?
Well, do you want
me to tell her?
No, no, I'll tell her.
It's my job. I'm a professional.
Mr. Producer, you're wonderful.
You turned that little
towhead from sad to glad.
Henry, if you ever need
an older, more mature,
full-figured woman,
keep me in mind.
Here's my resume and photo.
I also tap.
Why me?
Here, file this under F.
Full-figured?
No, foto.
Sonny, uh, I'm sorry,
there's something I
need to talk to you about.
I know.
You saw me give Kip a gift.
Henry, did you think
I'd forget about you?
Silly.
Here. Oh.
With my gratitude.
Oh... Sonny, Sonny,
Sonny, Sonny...
This is really difficult.
I-I... I-I don't know...
I don't know how to
tell you this, but, uh...
it's just my color.
How'd you know?
All right, that's good.
Take it up. Take it up.
Up, keep going. Keep going.
Okay, right there, that's
good, that's good, that's good.
Tie it off. Perfect.
Hey, morning,
Mikey. Hey, Kipper.
Hey, guy. How'd, uh...
How'd Sonny take it when
you told her this morning?
She, uh... She... She, uh...
She gave me this
belt. Pretty nice, huh?
Answer the next question
yes or no. D-did you tell Sonny?
Let's talk about this
theoretically for a moment.
What if, say...
Audrey couldn't do the dance?
What if, say, she,
uh, pulled up lame?
Y-you're driving at
something, aren't you?
What is it? Go...
Wh-what are you talking about?
Audrey.
Ah, you didn't tell her.
Works boss, Mike man,
take it up. Heh, heh.
How 'bout that, huh?
Apocalypse Audrey.
Kip, Kipper, Francis Ford
Kippola, come on now.
I... I don't know.
I-I've got a moral
problem with it.
Audrey, baby, how
are ya? Hi, Audrey.
Oh. You look fabulous.
Listen, I wanna start
the number over here.
That's it, right there. In
the tomato stain. Very nice.
Good morning.
I see that everything's
under control. Hello.
I see the dead-end
Kids haven't broken any...
I see that Sonny is still here.
I see that you haven't told her.
Excuse me, but, uh,
you're wearing my costume.
Hey, they told me
it was my costume.
That's impossible.
Kip, tell this girl she's
wearing my costume.
I would like nothing
better, Sonny.
Tell her, Henry.
Uh, would you excuse
us just a moment, please?
Sure.
But I ain't losin' the costume.
Will someone please
tell me what's going on?
Uh, it looks like I'm
the only grownup here.
What's going on, Sonny, is...
Is that you won't be
doing this commercial.
Damn it, Ruth.
You could have shown
a little sensitivity here.
Why? I mean, was I that bad?
No. RUTH: No, not at all.
Listen to me, uh,
the three of us have discussed
this and we have decided
that you would be
much, much better off
doing the Trans Allied
beverage commercial.
Yeah. We discussed that.
- Really?
Yes, we did and that's
what we decided, uh-huh.
The beverage company needs
a, uh... A dancing soda bottle
and we were able
to convince them
that you would be
absolutely perfect...
Perfect.
I would be perfect? Tall. Yeah.
Now, this is a
national commercial.
A national commercial.
You'll be making tons and
tons of residuals and, of course,
it will not be on at 3:30 a.m.
in the morning just
before the Indian cries.
I can't believe this.
Now, they're gonna need
you today for some fittings,
so here's the address
and they're expecting you.
We wanted to tell you all
day. Yeah, that's the thing.
I thought... I feel so stupid.
No. I don't know what to say.
Don't say anything.
Just skedaddle.
And they say New
York is a cold city.
Well, I didn't have friends
like this in Kalamazoo.
Henry, hug.
Come on, get outta
here, you'll be late.
Oh, Kip, by the way,
what's your neck size?
Fifteen and a half.
I like Portuguese
fisherman sweaters.
Not bad, Ruth. Not bad.
I'm wrong. Quite
good. Very good.
Oh. I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Oh, forget it.
For heaven's sakes, I
mean, she's a good dancer.
I... I didn't want
to see her lose out.
Besides, Audrey
comes very cheap.
May I add just one thing?
What?
Well, that's... That's fine.
Very nice.
That's... That's...
You know, I... I think we're
sharing a warm moment.
I've heard about these.
How long do they generally last?
♪ No, you're never alone
No, you're never alone ♪
♪ On a Saturday night
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ No, you're never alone
On a Saturday night ♪
♪ With a... ♪
♪ Book ♪