Bones (2005–2017): Season 9, Episode 8 - The Dude in the Dam - full transcript

Amazing.

Beverly told me
you were lying.

You're just trying
to lure me out to the woods.

Well, if you don't want to ace

the environmental
science class...

I didn't say
I believed her.

The dam is down
here and upstream.

Beavers are second only
to us in their ability

to alter the environment.
That's right.

Now, over here, this used
to be a full-on stream.

Amazing.



Look at the beaver!
Look at the beaver!

This is awesome!

Come on, let me get a picture
of you in front of the dam.

What? What?

Get away from me.

Get away from me!

Help! He's trying to kill me!

Help!
Wait a minute!

He's trying to kill me.
Wait!

You know, you shouldn't
read off that thing.

News should come
from the newspaper.

Do you also feel
we should go

to work on a horse?

You know what?



Technology is not all
about improvement.

Me personally?
I like the feel

of the newspaper
in my hands.

I have access to over 100
newspapers and wire services,

not to mention millions
of Web sites and blogs.

Right, blogs.

I mean, some guy
in his underwear

living in his mom's basement

giving his take
on the economy.

What?!

Tess Brown just called
my last novel

a "turgid slog. "

Who's Tess Brown?

The mystery novelist.

She has three
best-sellers to my six.

Well, did you ever say
anything about her stuff?

I did an interview where I
was asked about her last book.

Here.

Well, no wonder she
took a jab at you.

What?
What do you mean "What?"

Look, "Tess Brown
never lets reality

get in the way of an
unbelievable story. "

That's accurate.

While her books show
imagination,

they lack the
authority and realism

that academic and
scientific credentials

bring to this specific genre.

You slammed her.
That's a slam.

I don't agree.
Right, of course you don't.

You know, 'cause tact
is not your strong suit.

I'm supposed to take advice
from a Luddite

who thinks the last great
technological achievement

was given to us
by Johannes Gutenberg?

You know what? I rest my case.

Booth.

Right. Okay.

On our way. Okay, well,

got a body behind a rest stop
up by the Blue Ridge Highway.

I may have lost
my temper just now,

but I do consider myself
to be a very tactful person.

That's an attractive tie.

You don't even notice
the milk stain on it.

Very tactful.

Very tactful, Bones.

I thought so.

So, what do we got?

Remains stuck in the beaver dam.

And they're pretty
badly broken up.

Brilliant engineering.

Wow, this guy must've cut

the beaver's work in half.

Yeah, we can't take him out

until we build
another dam upstream,

so this area doesn't flood
and destroy all the evidence.

Based on
the supraorbital margin,

narrow nasal aperture,

and minimal dental wear,

I'd say the victim is
a Caucasoid male

between the ages of 28 and 32.

Insect activity indicates he's
been here about three days.

Agent Booth.
Yeah?

We found a blood trail

at the top of the hill
by the maintenance shed.

It leads down the slope
to the river bed.

Oh, he must've been
killed up there,

and tossed down here.

Right, what's with the gloop?

Yeah, it's from the leopard
slugs all over him.

Their slime is a
polymeric material

that can absorb water and ex...
Stick with the gloop.

Yeah.
The slugs fed

on the victim

after he was killed?
Yup.

I need him removed
before any other evidence

is compromised.
Oh, really?

I hate that we're gonna have

to destroy
the beaver's fine work.

Well, it'll make a good story

for his little
beaver friends, okay?

I want him back
in the lab this afternoon.

I saw the whole article-
Tess Brown also said

that Dr. Brennan's books were
a cure for insomnia.

I really don't think this is
appropriate work conversation.

I'm just saying I'd be mad,
too- wouldn't you?

I'm sure Dr. Brennan's
developed a thick skin.

You can't survive in
publishing without one.

Without one what?
Without...

a... book.

Of course not.

Look at that.

Yes, the victim is missing
a maxillary lateral incisor.

It's an unusual genetic marker.

Have either of you read
Tess Brown's books?

No. I've heard
she's terrible.

A bitch.

That's maybe a little harsh.

But why read her
when I can read you?

Very true.

I need clean bones as soon
as possible, Mr. Bray.

We have to separate peri-
and postmortem fractures.

Uh, Dr. Hodgins asked
that I wait for him.

You are not on loan
to anyone, Mr. Bray.

You belong to me.

Now clean.

Was that tactless?

I really wasn't
paying attention.

I think I was just direct.

I'm stuck.

Uh, I'm stuck, I'm stuck here.

Wendell, I told you to wait.

Excretions from the leopard
slug are a natural glue.

Tell me about it,
but Dr. Brennan gave me an or...

All right, I brought vinegar
and borax in order...

Just-just hold still, okay?

This isn't good.
No, this could burn my skin.

We'll be fine.
Okay.

We just need to get
to the vinegar.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Ooh, hey, I-I think I see

a perimortem fracture.
Ooh!

Really? Now?

If I get a little closer...

No, Wendell.

I assumed the bones
would be clean, Mr. Bray.

It was a bit more complicated
than I thought.

But I already found something
I thought you should see.

A hairline spiral fracture

to the right humerus.
That type of injury is

often caused by stress

from rotating the
articular capsule.

Like when someone has their arm
twisted behind their back.

It seems as if the killer

took the victim
to that location by force.

I don't think so.

Take another look
at this fracture.

Remodeling. Very slight.

This injury was inflicted
approximately three months ago.

So people have been beating
on this guy for a while.

I've got a possible I.D.

Turns out the missing incisor

was the giveaway.

Sean Nolan.

So apparently they
I.D.'d the victim

because he was missing
a little tooth.

Sean Nolan, 30.
Single.

Right. He worked
part-time as a print model.

I'm gonna contact his agent
to see what his last job was.

So why'd you call me?

Well, his live-in girlfriend is

in the conference room.

And she's all broken up
and, you know,

you're better with
the tears than I am.

Wait...

Right.

Heard about your little mishap
on the platform.

I told him to wait.

You know?

No one appreciates
the power of the mollusk.

Now, when I figure out
what these guys ate,

they're going to be able
to help us catch a killer.

Hey, honey?

What is this?

It looks infected.

Oh yeah, th-that's...

it's-it's nothing.

Remember last month when I had

that little reaction
to the mosquito bite?

Yeah, you-you went
to the doctor.

He said everything was fine.

Actually, I didn't go
'cause I knew what it was.

What? What is it?

Well, I had gotten
some insect samples

from South America and...
and-and anyway,

long story short, uh,

a mosquito deposited an egg

into the dermis of my neck.

Dermatobia Hominis.

It's a human bot fly.

So the hot shower
just made it swell up.

You've been letting
a fly grow

in your neck
for the last month?

Angie, this is a once

in a lifetime opportunity
for me, you know?

I mean, serving as host for one
of Mother Nature's miracles.

Okay, we are going
to Cam right now,

and she is cutting that thing
out of your neck.

How many men can claim
they have given birth?

You're not
actually comparing this

to carrying a child, are you?

No, of course not, but...

You got to admit

he's pretty cute, right?

And looking at my neck,

I think he actually
might come out soon.

You're insane.

We should just focus
on the case.

Oh, man.

I've never seen
activity like this.

These guys are
really going at it.

"It"?

Yeah, "it. "

People didn't understand

why someone who looked like Sean

would be with someone
like me, but...

we loved each other, and...

he always made me
feel beautiful.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

So, Sean, uh, was a model?

Um, mostly small stuff.
Okay.

He was starting to work more.

He was actually up
for a national ad.

You're a partner at
an accounting firm?

I pay most of the bills,
if that's what you're asking.

Sean chipped in
where he could.

But we didn't really keep track
of where the money came from.

You don't sound like an
accountant right now.

When you love someone,
you support them.

Do you know if Sean
had any enemies?

No, everybody liked him.

Sounds like you had
a perfect life.

I'm sorry,
is there something wrong

with being happy,

Dr. Sweets?
No.

Now, this is awkward,
Ms. Bardach,

but I need to know your
activities the last three days.

Of course.

I'm an accountant,

so I keep excellent records.

I'm sure, but I-I'm curious,

why didn't you report
Sean missing?

It was simple.

He was on a photo shoot

in Charlotte, North Carolina.

I mean, he traveled
a lot when he worked.

But he always came home.

I always knew
that I would see him again.

Sean Nolan was lying
to his girlfriend.

Booth talked to his agent,
and it turns out

that he had not booked
a modeling job in months.

So where was he going
when he claimed

to be out of town working?

I'm not sure.

I'm running an algorithm

to see if we can break
into his Top Cloud account.

I'm hoping that that'll
tell us something.

Hey, I saw this clip

of you talking
about that other writer

on Book Beat.

Seems like you two are
really getting into it.

So, how would describe
Tess Brown's style?

Uh, based on her last book,

I'd describe it

as a collection

of simple declarative sentences
devoid of style,

actually, and interest.

Do you think that
that was tactless?

Right, you're not kidding.

Brennan, you're blunt.

It's one of the things
I love about you.

That doesn't answer
the question.

Let's try
an experiment.

What do you think
of this dress?

It reminds me
of garments

prostitutes were forced
to wear in shame

under the law
of Lex Julia.

That was tactful.

Thank you.

And also insulting.

Perhaps I should
apologize to Tess Brown.

Yeah, that would definitely
be the tactful thing to do.

Okay...

I'm in.

Okay, we should look at the
last file that Nolan accessed.

"Kids"?

That's Hobart Park.

I've taken
Christine there.

Well, these were taken
with a telephoto lens.

Whoever took them obviously
did not want to be seen.

The victim didn't
have any children.

Okay, then that makes these
extra creepy.

These hermaphroditic
little dudes

start with 2.5 hours
of foreplay, right?

Then they have highly acrobatic
sex lasting over an hour.

But, you know,
they usually take a break.

I know I would.

Man, are you really going
to give birth to a bug?

Because I saw The Fly,
and it did not end well.

It's perfectly safe, okay?

You know, I've devoted my life
to these creatures,

and now one is
depending on me.

You do know

that I'm going
to have to actually

grind up these slugs?
I mean...

I guess... I don't know, man.

I feel like I'm...
I'm giving a little back.

I hate to say it,
but it almost makes sense.

These guys must have
ingested something

to go at it like this.

You know, methamphetamines
have been known

to cause extreme
sexual behavior.

Well, I guess
you'll know

once you grind up
these little guys.

Yeah, I know.

I just wanted them
to have their little fun first.

Oh, well, that's
very considerate of you.

What can I say?

I'm a romantic.

- Still no weapon?
- Not yet.

We're still cataloguing
all of the injuries.

There was a lot of damage
from the rocks in the stream.

Booth, I recognize
some of these children

from Nolan's pictures.

Maybe Nolan snatched
one of the kids, you know,

and a mom took him out.

Excuse me, ladies.

FBI Special Agent
Seeley Booth.

This here is my partner,
Dr. Temperance Brennan.

Have any of you...
Do any of you recognize this man?

Uh... no,
he doesn't look familiar.

I'm Allison Stallings,
Can I ask what this is about?

We're investigating
a murder,

and we have
information

that he may have
frequented this park.

Booth...
Yeah?

these three children
exhibit

genetically-based
phenotypic variations

that cannot be
statistically random.

Okay, look, you have
to know by now

I don't understand
what that means.

Uh, excuse me,
are you talking about my son?

Yes. He has what's known
as Darwin's tubercle.

It presents in only 10%
of the population.

Your son and
these children

must share a common parent.

Oh, that.

W- What's so funny?

Nothing, just...

we're the 562 playgroup.

All the kids were fathered
by the same sperm donor:

562 from the Khamu Sperm Bank.

Booth, her son
is also missing

his left lateral
maxillary incisor,

just like Sean Nolan.

So?

Sean Nolan is donor 562.

He's the father
of all these children.

Khamu Sperm Bank
prides itself

on using only
the best genetic donors.

All donors must be
between 18 and 39.

At least five-nine.

Have no significant illness

or family history
of genetic disease,

and produce a laboratory
specimen twice a week

for at least six months.

And Sean Nolan
was one of

your most popular
donors, wasn't he?

Uh... we know
he fathered

at least three children
for your clients.

He was one of
our genius donors.

Which means you could
charge more for his sperm.

Our clients pay a premium
for an Ivy League education

and for every inch
over six feet in height.

But it's about more
than money, Dr. Sweets.

Sean's sperm allowed
infertile couples to...

Sean Nolan never went
to Yale, Ms. Lanfranco.

According to our records,
he attended Queens College.

Dropped out
after one semester.

And you knew that.

He provided
false records.

As soon as
we discovered the truth,

we cut him loose.

If this gets out,
it could hurt many couples

who already have children
because of Sean.

Oh, I understand
the emotional consequences.

Being lied to always
affects behavior.

I'm just trying to determine
how violent that behavior can be.

I'm sorry Sean is dead.

It's devastating.

It is, and I'm
actually surprised

it's taken you
so long to express that.

Am I a suspect now?

No, no. Not now, no.

Um... and we appreciate
how helpful you've been.

So Sean made a lot of
money with you.

He must have been upset
when you let him go.

He knew
he made a mistake.

He understood
the consequences.

And you never
saw him again?

Ours was a business
relationship.

The lab strictly forbids

having a personal
relationship with a donor.

Is there anything further?

I'm sorry
if I upset you.

Well, you did.

Am I free to go?

Yeah, absolutely.

Any word from your pureed slugs

on what caused their orgy?

All I know so far

is that the outer
amino acids

are hydrophilic.

Mass spec is still analyzing
the molecular chains.

Man, that's getting bigger
and definitely nastier.

Yeah, it grows quickly
when it comes to term.

The larva
forms a tumor

in the subcutaneous
zone of the host,

using my flesh to convert itself
into a bot fly.

Yeah, you shouldn't
be excited by anything

that you're saying.

Oh, my God,
it's moving!

Yeah, that means that
the larval development

is almost complete.

When the time comes,

it'll detach
its anal hooks

and slide out
to greet the world.

Dude, you have
totally lost the plot.

Angela is going
to divorce you.

Nah, I know my Angie.

When she sees
this little bot fly...

Listen to yourself!

Mr. Bray,
the victim's femur and tibia

show evidence of thickening.

I know, and based on
the growth striations

at the end of the femur,

it happened within
the last few years.

Taking testosterone
could be the cause.

Yeah, but there's no evidence

the slugs ingested testosterone.

And it makes no sense.

Taking testosterone would

decrease sperm production.

It would be bad
for his business.

Dr. Hodgins,

it appears you're
almost to term.

Congratulations.
Thanks, Dr. B.

This doesn't freak you out,
even a little?

He's in no danger.

And Dr. Hodgins'
love of entomology

makes his desire
to be an insect's host

quite reasonable.
Yeah.

Take cross sections

from the femur, Mr. Bray.

Perhaps the chemicals
contained in the marrow

will match what Dr. Hodgins
finds in the slugs.

I'll be back later.

Call me when you get
the results.

Uh, Wendell?
Um...

Truthfully, Angie is

a little unsupportive

of me being
a bot fly surrogate.

What a shock.
So I was wondering

if you wouldn't mind
being with me

when the little guy
comes out?

You want me
to be your midwife?

I was thinking more like
birthing partner.

I'm going insane.

Oh, also, uh...

if you wouldn't mind taking
a video of the big event?

So the head of the sperm bank

was definitely not forthcoming.

So you think
it was her?

Well, it's too
early to say.

Yeah. Of course it is.
But...

Nolan must have angered
a lot of people.

You know? He-he suffered
from a narcissistic

ego structure,
hence his desire

to literally replicate himself
through his progeny.

How would that piss people off?
Well, in his case,

reproduction meant a stab
at immortality.

Anyone who got in his way
would be perceived as a threat

to himself and his legacy.

That creates conflict.

Conflict begets murder.
Biblical. Nice.

So, how's Dr. Brennan
doing, uh, with her feud?

Putting it to rest.
You know, I'm proud of her.

She's apologizing?
Yeah. This afternoon.

I must be a good influence.
Or what about the parents?

Excuse me?
The case.

This murder case
that we're working on?

Oh, right, right, right.

What if one of the parents
who bought Nolan's stuff

found out that he was lying?

That would definitely be motive.
Definitely.

Questioning his integrity
could start a fight.

Even though he was lying.
Especially because he was lying.

A narcissistic ego
is extremely fragile.

Today on Book Beat,
two writers

whose work mines
similar territory:

mystery writers
Tess Brown,

author of the just released
Bed of Death,

and Dr. Temperance Brennan,

whose Bones of the Lost
is coming out

- next month.
- It's great to be here, Bill.

My daughter loves your show.
Oh.

I don't allow my daughter
to watch television.

Of course, Ms. Brown
is much older,

so I'm sure her daughter
is more than two.

I seem older to you
because I married well before

the end
of my childbearing years.

No need to be angry.

Age is an immutable fact.

I came here

to reach a rapheme.

Okay. Um, uh, Tess,

your book is
just out this week.

What has the response been?
Wonderful.

I've had overwhelming support
from the blogging community,

book clubs,
other authors.

Not Dr. Brennan, of course.

And for that,
I would like to apologize.

I feel that

I was misinterpreted

and my statement
was misconstrued

as callous and tactless.

Really? Uh, well,
this is a surprise.

I assume you accept her apology.

Uh, well,
what did you mean then?

I think the apology is enough.

I meant that it is

extremely difficult
to write a cogent novel

that mixes fact with fiction
in a way that captures

a reader's attention.

And are you implying
that I don't?

Because I have
three best-selling books

that say otherwise.

And I have six.
But that's not the point.

Hemingway said that
we are all apprentices

in a craft where no one
ever becomes a master.

Excellent. Excellent.
Um, uh, Tess, um,

how did you come up with
the plot of your newest book?

The idea came to me last summer,
when I was in Wales.

I thought it came
to you while reading

The Murder of
Roger Ackroyd,

by Agatha Christie.

It's one of my favorites, too.

My readers love the book.

Roger Ackroyd
or yours?

Uh, one more question,
Ms. Brown...

I'm reminded
of a quote by

Ray Bradbury, who said,

"I don't need an alarm clock.

My ideas wake me. "

I assume you're a sound sleeper,
Dr. Brennan.

Now I believe you owe me
an apology, Ms. Brown.

I'd rather read your drivel
than apologize.

I'm pretty sure
that was tactless.

Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Wise?

I was able to separate the bone
injuries into two categories:

blunt and sharp force trauma.

The blunt force trauma
occurred postmortem,

most likely due
to the fall down the hill.

Or the body hitting the rocks
as it washed downstream.

Definitely, but based
on the blood staining,

these sharp force injuries
to the posterior carpals,

metacarpals, proximal phalanges,
radius and ulna

are perimortem.

Most likely defensive wounds.

Nolan fought with his killer.
And the cuts

show that the assailant was
wielding a weapon of some sort.

Nolan didn't stand a chance.

It was testosterone that caused

the bone thickening.
That was ruled out.

It would've decreased
sperm production.

Artificial testosterone, yes,

but this was naturally produced
by Nolan.

No one produces
as much as he did.

Well, they do
if they're taking HCG.

Of course.
The fertility drug.

It would cause the body to naturally
increase testosterone production.

Yeah, as well as
his sperm count.

And cause your slugs
to go out with a bang.

So to speak.

But if he'd been fired
from the sperm bank,

why keep taking HCG?

There are other banks,
other ways to sell his seed.

Yeah, but look
at the formulation.

I mean, this HCG
was far from pure.

He must have been buying it
on the street.

It's sold at a lot of gyms,
to bodybuilders,

to redistribute body fat
and increase testosterone.

We know he was in a fight.

Maybe it wasn't the prospective
parents who wanted him dead.

Maybe it was his drug dealer.

I was Sean's trainer
at the gym, that's all.

You got three arrests on you,
Creach, okay?

One for selling
illegal steroids,

the other one
for human growth hormones

and one for selling
amphetamines.

I'm clean now.

That's why the court sentenced
me to treatment,

because they knew I was a good
guy who had a problem.

You've a bigger problem now,
because Sean Nolan is dead.

I'm gonna miss him.

He was really getting
into good shape.

Right, and you did
what you always do,

and that's sell him drugs.

This time it was HCG.

I don't know even know
what that is.

And I'm pretty sure
you didn't find any drugs

at my place,
when you searched it.

He did owe you money,
though, right?

Yeah, as a trainer.

It ain't cheap
to look like me.

Look, um, I'm sorry about Sean
and all, but, um,

I got a client at 2:00,

and you got nothing on me
or I'd be in a cell.

Excuse me.
We're not done now.

Oh, wow.
You want to take this on?

Seriously?

Oh! Okay, here's
the biggest problem

with guys that are pumped
up on 'roids, huh.

They look bigger,
but they're a lot dumber.

Stop! Stop!

You twisted up Sean's arm so bad
three months ago, that you broke it.

We have witnesses.
We were roughhousing. Aah!

Look, you don't want to get
locked up for assaulting

a federal agent, you tell me
about what happened

between you and Sean.

We-We got into it a little bit,
that's all.

He said the HCG wasn't good,

that's why he didn't have
the money.

Some guy was refusing to pay him
for his sperm

because his wife wasn't
getting pregnant.

Sean blamed me.

What guy?

I don't know. I swear.
I swear.

I initially thought
that the injuries

to the pelvis and femur
were caused by

the fall down the hill,
but look at these cuts

on the cortical surfaces.

The deepest gash is
on the right proximal femur.

A cut deep enough
to score the bone

would have severed
the femoral artery.

Meaning our victim would
have bled out.

He'd lose consciousness
in 30 seconds.

Any idea what
weapon was used?

Not yet.
If it was a knife,

it would have
been very dull.

Any other evidence
of stabbing or slashing?

Just the defensive wounds and
these three cuts on the pelvis,

two on the femur.

So whoever killed Sean Nolan
knew to target this area

to kill him quickly
and efficiently.

Meaning someone with more than

a working knowledge of anatomy.

Good work, Mr. Bray.
You found cause of death.

Now all we need is a weapon.

I assume you're
a sound sleeper, Dr. Brennan.

Now I believe you owe me
an apology, Ms. Brown.

I'd rather read your drivel
than apologize.

I'm pretty
sure that was tactless.

I saw you on TV.

Okay, before you start lecturing
me on my behavior,

she provoked me.

I agree.

You do?

Absolutely.

If you review the tape,
it's clear.

She was baiting you.

I never should have gone.

But she asked me,
and I thought it would be

a good opportunity to apologize.

Exactly. She also asked you

for a quote
about her book, right?

Now, why would Tess Brown think

you'd give her
a favorable review?

I'm brilliant, perceptive,

and I have outsold her
consistently.

No. She wanted to start
the feud with you.

Sweets, if this is some more
psychological claptrap,

I don't...
It's logic.

She knows you don't think
she's a good novelist.

She also knows
that you're incapable

of sugarcoating the truth.

Is that just another way
of saying that I'm tactless?

We can get into all that later.

Logic dictates that
she wanted you to insult her

and also that she didn't
really want an apology.

This is deliberate
and calculated behavior.

She has an endgame.

She's using you to get there.

The wound tracks are
thick and irregular.

A deep wide V to the
left fifth metacarpal,

right phalanges
and metacarpals,

left ilium and
right femur.

So, we're looking for a weapon
that's sharp, but not too sharp,

a knife, but not a knife,
or an ax, but not an ax.

Ah, that should take us
about 50 or 60 years.

There's more.

Sure. Why make it easy?
The injuries

to the left pisiform,
left hamate

and the anterior superior
of the iliac spine

have a narrow,
shallow, slicing V

which is consistent with
the blade of a knife.

So, two killers?
Looks that way.

All right, well,
grab a weapon, let's get going.

Ready?

What? Are you okay?

It's just... it's just
the bot fly.

Oh, my God!
It's peeking out!

Is it... is it time?
Should I boil some water, or...?

I still got some time.

Hey, let's solve this murder
so that we can celebrate

when the little guy arrives.

No local
sperm bank has a donor

matching Sean Nolan's
description or DNA profile.

Why would he still
be taking the HCG

if he wasn't still donating?

Well, he was, but he decided
to go into business for himself.

What, like a
roadside sperm stand?

Almost.

Nolan was selling his sperm online?

Same lies about being in
MENSA, going to Yale.

But lucky for us,
he kept meticulous records.

His TopCloud account
tracks sperm count,

delivery location-

the rest stop above
the stream being one-

even his offspring.

And then, there's these.

Apparently,
one of his customers

was not too thrilled
with his product.

The guy's wife
didn't get pregnant,

and he blamed Nolan.

That could be the angry customer

his trainer was talking about.

And then,
he threatened to kill Nolan

for selling him bad sperm.

So, I understand

the emotional toll it can take

when a couple is unable
to conceive, Mr. Robertson.

I didn't come to the FBI

for-for therapy, so
is there a real reason

you called me in here?

It's sort of linked.

Now you contacted a sperm donor
named Sean Nolan, right?

Is that illegal?

No. But murder is.

He was found dumped
in a stream off Route 34.

And... you-you think that...?

Sean seemed
to be your last hope. At least,

that's what you said
in your e-mails.

Wait. N...

Dina and I have been trying
to have a kid for a long time,

and be... between artificial
insemination, in vitro

and fertility treatments...

we spent all of our money,

and the last of it went...
went to Nolan.

No. I understand.

Anger is a byproduct
of unrealized expectations.

Now, this leads
to processing biases

and emotion regulation deficits.
What the hell are you saying?

That Sean Nolan promised you
and your wife a life,

and he didn't deliver.

A life for a life doesn't seem
too unreasonable.

At least, that's what
you said in your e-mail.

Yeah, people say,
"I'll kill you" all the time.

Yeah, but in this case,
someone actually turned up dead.

Yeah, well,
if I was gonna kill someone,

it would've been the lady

from the sperm bank
that recommended him,

because he wasn't
a Yale graduate.

He was dumb as a stump.

What sperm bank?
Khamu.

Judith Lanfranco?
Yeah.

She said
she was doing us a favor.

Hey, check this out.

Think I found the murder weapon.

It's a three-edged hoe.
Three blades.

That's why we thought there was
more than one assailant.

The deep cuts came from
the front edge of the hoe,

and the slices were caused
by the glancing blows

from the sides of the blade.

And this type of hoe is used
by the Highway Department.

There used to be one in the
rest stop where Nolan was found.

It's missing.
It has been since the murder.

A weapon of convenience.

So, the murder
wasn't premeditated.

No.
Whoever did this got angry,

grabbed the first thing
they could find and attacked.

Nice work. You should be
host to bugs all the time.

They really, uh, motivate you.

Oh, look.
He's peeking out again.

Hey, little guy.

Oh, man... this is
becoming normal to me.

So, it turns out,

selling your seed online
is more common than I thought.

Well, there are so many people
desperate to have children.

Perhaps I should think
about being a surrogate.

What? Whoa!
Okay, s-slow down.

Let's just solve the case first,
before you start having,

you know,
kids for strangers.

No, you're right.

I'm already busy as it is.

And since they moved up
the release of my book...

Oh-oh, hey, when
did that happen?

I just got a call
from my editor.

Apparently,
there was so much publicity

from the misunderstanding with
Tess Brown that they thought

this would be a good time
to release my book.

Thank you.
See that?

There is a silver lining,
Bones, huh?

Why would the head of the sperm
clinic recommend Nolan

when she knows
that he's a fraud?

You know, I thought she was
getting some kind of a kickback,

so I had forensic accounting

check out Judith Lanfranco's
financials,

and the result is not
what I expected.

He wasn't paying her,
she was paying him.

Perhaps he was blackmailing her.

And she got tired of paying, and
she decided to stop it for good.

Now that we have the weapon
and all the perimortem injuries,

I can input all the information
and get us an attack scenario.

There was a lot
of damage

to the hands and arms,
so it's very clear

that Nolan was trying
to fight off his attacker.

Yeah, but what's
strange is that

all the injuries
are isolated

to the hands, forearms
and pelvic area.

Yeah, you'd think
you would aim at the head

if you were trying
to kill someone, huh?

Yeah, unless we're
missing something.

Angie...

Listen, I didn't

want to upset you, you know,
with the bot fly, but...

You don't have to
say anything, honey.

I understand.

Really?
No. No, I do not.

But... I accept it.

We're all a
little crazy, and

your crazy just happens

to come out
in a bizarre and revolting way.

I actually think
it's kind of sweet

that you want to
give life to that...

thing.

Wow.

I am the luckiest man
in the world.

Mm. You're not kidding.

Oh, God! Oh, it came out.

Well, yeah, yeah.
No, just for some air. I mean,

it's still got
some time left.

Did I just erase
what I input?

Okay, honey, I love you,

but I really just want
to love you from afar right now.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.
I love you, too.

From afar.
From afar. Yeah, I'm gonna...

So, did Sean threaten
to expose you?

He could have ruined
your business

if he had made
his fraud public.

Sean would never do that.

Then why were
you paying him?

I was just loaning him money.

Modeling was slow,

and he didn't make all that much
as an online donor.

You're extremely generous
for someone he lied to.

He made a mistake.
Haven't you ever made a mistake?

Not one
that would get me killed.

I know what happened, Booth.

She's pregnant.
What?

Yes. You see the redness

of her triangular fossa,
the swelling in her wrists

and hands,
the size of her breasts?

That's why you protected him.

You were referring clients
to him.

You used Sean Nolan as a donor.

We made love.

Sean I

were in love.

I couldn't say anything,
or I'd lose my job.

Did you know
he had a girlfriend?

Yes, but he loved me.

He was going to tell her.

And you believed him,
even after he lied

about being a genius?

He had no more secrets.

Not from me.

And he was finally going
to have a child of his own.

We were going
to raise him together.

I've highlighted
the perimortem injuries in red.

Now, we thought
that the injuries to the hands

and the forearms
were caused when he fought

with the attacker,
but... watch this.

See? Two of the cuts line up.

Uh-oh.
Ooh. Ouch.

Yeah. The victim wasn't
fighting with his killer.

- Looks like he was protecting himself.
- Whoever did this

was going after
Nolan's livelihood.

I made a little simulation

to show what might have happened
during the attack.

Not sure I can watch this.

The killer slices
the femoral artery and Nolan bleeds out.

Well, it's definitely not
the husband or the trainer.

How can you be so sure?

'Cause no guy did this.

That's assumptive
and sexist.

I agree, but...
it's also probably true.

I mean, think about it:
there's nothing worse

than a woman scorned who has
access to a three-sided hoe.

You brought Nolan's girlfriend
back in for questioning?

Seems like the right move, okay?

Evidence says that this
is a crime of passion,

most likely committed
by a woman.

So you think the girlfriend
found out about Nolan's affair

with the sperm
bank manager.

Flipped her lid
and hacked him up, okay?

If I was still gambling...
tell you what,

- I'd put all my money on her.
- You said

your relationship with Sean
was based on mutual trust?

Yes. Why?

So you do realize he was
selling sperm on the Internet?

Of course I do.

I took the picture
he used for his ad.

You were okay with that?
Why wouldn't I be? It's...

how he supplemented his income.

Would you be okay if you
found out Sean had an affair?

I know where this is going.

Really?
Mm-hmm. That sperm bank woman, right?

Yeah.

When we find out a sacred
trust has been broken,

it can be devastating.
Sometimes

it makes us do things

that we wouldn't normally do.

I knew all about it.

We talked. We cried.

We got past it.

Did he tell you
that they were having a baby,

that they were gonna raise
a child together?

I'm-I'm missing

what's funny here.
I'm sorry.

That's not funny.

She's exhibiting

confusion disorder- a mix of
rage with absurdity causes...

Um, no, no...
It's actually funny.

Anybody who knew Sean knew
that he never wanted kids.

He had pictures of all the kids
he fathered.

They were like trophies.
I mean,

they made him feel like a man.

But he would die

before he'd wipe

a little kid's ass.

There is no way he would stick
with her if she got pregnant.

We've catalogued every injury,
both peri- and postmortem.

Booth and Sweets are convinced

the last viable suspect is
the manager of the sperm bank.

It's our job to help them.

Or go blind in the process.

Even blind,
you can still feel the bones.

There appears

to be discoloration

in the left infraorbital margin.

Staining from the slug slime?

I'm sorry. I thought
I'd gotten everything off.

No.
This is embedded in the bone.

Wendell's busy with Brennan,

but, uh, I can stay.
No. No, Angie.

This is my thing.
Yeah.

My love for you is stronger
than my gag reflex.

Really? Okay. Thank you.
Thank you.

All right, now...

is it moving?

Yeah.
Okay.

Yeah. Oh, God. I really wish

I could just hang out in
the waiting room smoking cigars

with the other dads.
All right, now, look,

I have a petri dish
that's got soil in it, okay?

I need you to grab that,

and now I need you
to massage the knot.

Oh, boy, you so owe me.

Oh, it's happening!

Oh, my God.
How did you see that?

That's what I asked.
Exceptional eyesight.

Whatever this is,
it's very small.

It's coming!

Here it comes!

There's got to be something
in the rule book

about playing host
to an insect.

It's out!

What is that?

A fingernail- whoever
attacked the victim

scratched at his eyes
and left part of their nail.

- We can get DNA.
- We found a fingernail

embedded in Sean Nolan's
orbital socket.

- So?
- So we're pretty sure that

it's yours.
While you were fighting,

you scratched at his eyes.

A sliver of your fingernail

broke off.
That places you at the scene

when Sean was killed.
That's ridiculous.

Why would I kill him?
We're having a baby together.

But, you know, you actually
weren't. You were having it

alone, Judith, because he didn't
want to have any kids.

We have a court order to get
a DNA sample from you.

It will be easy to match
the fingernail to you.

He used you.

You lost it.

If you confess,
the prosecutor's office

will be a lot
more understanding.

He laughed.

When I told him
I was pregnant...

he laughed.

I just couldn't
understand.

How could he father
all of those children

and then laugh in my face
when I was carrying his?

The Journal of Entomology
called.

They want to do a story on me.

They're coming tomorrow.
That's great, man.

And I actually... I analyzed

the tissue on my neck where
the bot fly was incubating.

I think this might
actually help research

with insect-borne illness.

You okay, Angie?

Yeah. Sorry, I'm...

I'm just really glad that
I'm with a guy who's...

crazy enough
to do something

like this.

Think we can
call him Jack?

Well, the journal actually
asked me what his name was,

and since we were all in on it,

I named him Jefferson.
Aw.

I think
he looks like you.

Well, I appreciate

you coming.
Sure.

But why did we have to meet
in such a dump?

I mean, we've both been
on the best seller list.

I actually like it here.

You're really an odd one, Tempe.

So...

what's on the menu
that won't kill me?

The apple cobbler is wonderful.

They use organic apples
and they season it...

Okay, okay. Cobbler.

Can I get you both something?

Um, I'll have your famous
cobbler, I guess, and coffee.

Me, too. But tea.

Wait...

are you...?

Yes, I am.

I love your books so much.

I'm in a book club-
we all love 'em.

Thank you.

I'll be right back
with your cobbler.

That's Tess Brown.
She wrote all those mysteries.

Take my order.

I've got to show
my book club.

I know what
you've been doing, Tess.

You haven't written
a best seller in four years.

You've been goading me
so that we'd have a public feud

to fuel the sales of your book.

You're welcome.

Excuse me?

It's good for both of us.

You're getting an early release

and my sales are up.

God bless America.

It's deceitful, dishonest
and distasteful.

Listen, I'm not like you, Tempe.

You're smart, you're a good
writer, you've got that whole...

crime-fighting thing.

I'm a hack. And that's putting
a good spin on it.

Lucky for me, the people
who buy my books are idiots.

The people
who buy your books

only want to be entertained.

They'd be entertained
by a ball of string.

I want no part of this.

What are you doing...?

What are you doing?

No, you can't film me.
Give me that. No...

You think I'm an idiot
and all my friends are idiots?

She called
them idiots?

Oh, that's bad.
It already has

over half a million hits.

My editor said
that Tess's publisher

is dropping her.
You didn't set this up?

No.
Whew! Talk about instant karma.

Your book sales are gonna go
through the roof.

I think the case we just solved might
make a good subject for my next book.

You don't want
to relive that. No, that's bad.

How about this? How about
we steal the space shuttle

and solve a crime in space?

The shuttle has been taken out
of service.

It's fiction, okay?
Just work with me, all right?

We can fight aliens. Like that
thing that came out of Hodgins'

neck and grew huge.

My books are fact-based, Booth.

Kathy Reichs' sidekick needs
to be more important.

Agent Andy is very important
to my plots.

Yeah, and him fighting aliens...

would make your book sales huge.

Are you saying that you could
battle a space alien?

Yeah, given the right
circumstances.

Uh, but I would need a laser.
This is ridiculous.

This is not ridiculous,
all right?

When that alien attacks you,
you'll be happy I had a laser.

Okay, I'm not listening.