Bones (2005–2017): Season 9, Episode 18 - The Carrot in the Kudzu - full transcript

I got it, why don't
we rent a bouncy house

for Christine's birthday party?
She'll love that.

Kids love to bounce
up and down.

A recent study showed
that over the past 10 years,

approximately 65,000 children
were treated for injuries

received on bouncy houses.

Listen, you've already put the
kibosh on the kickball party,

the glow-stick party
and the reptile guy.

Who doesn't like reptiles?
I don't see why she needs a party.

Kids just get cake all over
themselves and fight over toy[.

They're little kids;
what could be better?



I mean, don't you remember
your birthday party (sighs)

when you were a little girl?

I never had one.
What?!

Wait a second, you-you never
had a birthday party?

That is correct and
I didn't miss anything.

Okay. Christine is dressed.

I'll drop her off at preschool
on my way to the market.

Thanks, Dad.

Uh, no party, huh?

What?

Booth thinks I was deprived,

because you never gave me

any birthday parties
as a child.

Well, you didn't have
birthday parties,



because that would draw
attention to us

and with the police looking
for us, that's not a good thing.

Right. Unbelievable.

I forgot-- fugitive.

Listen, if I had it
to do over again,

you would have
birthday parties,

but I ca--
I-I can't turn the clock back.

He's right, Booth;
the arrow of time--

(phone ringing)

Brennan.

Oh, okay.

It's coming into the lab?

Dot touch it
until I get there.

(phone beeps)

Dad's taking my car.

I need a ride to the lab.

Remains are coming in.
Sure. I got you.

No party, huh?

W-W-What do you want me to do?

Make a balloon animal
for her now?

A book?!

Yeah. 364 pages.

I never thought I could do it.

And it's a mystery?
Yeah.

Like Dr. B writes?
Yeah. Same genre.

You know,
write what you know.

Wow.

(laughs):
Oh...

The victim is in there?
Mm-hmm.

Okay, that, is awesome.

Wow, it's like
the root system

is pulling apart
the bones.

And there's very little
tissue remaining,

but there should be enough
for a tox screen.

I thought Dr. Brennan
said not to touch it.

But... since
you're the boss,

it doesn't really matter
what she wants.

HODGINS:
Kudzu. Hey, man,

this stuff grows
about a foot a day,

so I should be able
to tell how long

the victim's been in here.
There's staining

and pitting on the bones.
HODGINS: Yeah.

Kudzu excretes

isoflavone aglycones

to break down
the surface of the bone

so the roots can attach.
Hmm.

(leaves rustling)

What was that?

It's still growing.

It's feeding off
the remaining tissue.

I've seen this movie.

It doesn't end well
for humanity.

(leaves rustling)

Look, you shouldn't be upset
with Max is Dr. Brennan isn't...

Oh, God.
It's encased.

It's like the
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Yeah. The squints are going
to have a field day with that.

But when you're
a little girl,

you should be treated
like a princess,

not some criminal
on the run.

Max was a criminal on the run,

so Dr. Brennan's probably just
sublimated those feelings

as a way to cope.

And now she's just trying to
justify it all by saying

that a kid's birthday party
isn't important.

But it is.

I would imagine so.

I've never been thrown
a party either, so...

You too?

No.

Wow. Yeah.

My dad was a drunk,

and he threw me
a birthday party every year.

The only time I ever
saw him really sober.

It's probably why birthdays
are so meaningful to you.

Tell you what,
why don't you just, you know,

shrink the photos.

Just focus on
what you do best

and I'll get the techs
to go out to the crime scene

and see if they can find any,
uh, tire tracks and footprints.

When we get time of death,

we might be able to
match them up.

Okay.

MONTENEGRO: Okay, this plant is covering
too much of the skull

for me to do
a reconstruction.

Are you going to be able to
remove the vegetation

without compromising
the remains, Dr. Hodgins?

Sort of my thing.

The size of the
second cervical vertebra

indicates the victim was male.

Animal predation appears
to account for

most of the tissue loss.

Yeah, the kudzu
fed on the rest.

Guys, I, I don't even
see the skull.

He's peeking through here,

like an apparition

appearing through a leafy fog.

I beg your pardon,
Dr. Edison?

HODGINS: Clark just finished
writing a book.

It's a mystery,
so you better watch out, Dr. B.

Why? I doubt it will
impact my sales.

Good for you, Clark.

I wouldn't have
thought of you as a writer.

Well, after Nora and I broke up,
I had a lot of free time.

I found, in the evenings,

the words just poured out, so...

Your time is not
free now, Dr. Edison.

Why are you even here,
rather than an intern?

Forensic conference in Buffalo.

The interns got
extra credit if they went.

Yeah, well, everyone
should get extra credit

for going to Buffalo.

Okay, then.

Which I will interpret as,
"Welcome aboard."

Thank you.

The angular eye orbit

indicates the victim

is Caucasian.

The root system seems to have

snaked its way
through every opening.

(leaves rustling)

We need
to remove the skull

before it's damaged.
No problem.

Severing the roots
around the orifices

loosens the kudzu's hold.

See that?

SAROYAN:
Delicate work.

Yeah. Very.

Hey, so are you going to do
Christine's birthday party

at the house, Dr. B?

Please concentrate, Dr. Hodgins.

HODGINS:
Ye of little faith.

The skull is free.

(leaves rustling)

Oh!

That is why I put
no stock in faith!

♪ Bones 9x18 ♪
The Carrot in the Kudzu
Original Air Date on March 24, 2014

♪ Main Title Theme ♪ The Crystal Method

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

♪

The root system has crushed
the bones, Dr. Hodgins.

Yeah, and it is still growing.

Well, it might stop,

if we can get out
the remaining tissue and organs

that it's feeding on.

I'm cutting as fast as I can,

but the backseat driving
isn't helping.

Dr. Edison is going to
have a very difficult time

reassembling the remains.

I've already asked for help
from my department.

Here you go.

Ah, a portion of the liver.

The kudzu seemed to love it.

The roots have grown
through the endosteum.

I don't even know what this is.

His prostate.

And it's still
relatively intact.

It is always
the last organ to go.

Does that mean that you can
determine time of death?

Well, if the body's
been outside since death,

decomp would indicate
at least six days.

Well, given the rate of growth
of the kudzu, I'd say nine.

Eight?
Yeah. Deal.

I'm gonna run this tissue
for DNA and run a tox screen.

According
to these pictures,

looks like he pulled
right up the embankment, huh?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and look,
there are no footprints

between where the car pulled up
and where the body was found.

So, what-what,
he got out of his car, right?

His feet didn't
leave the asphalt,

probably because he was afraid
he was gonna be seen

and he dumps the body
as quickly as possible.

We're dealing with
an amateur here.

He would have picked
a more secluded spot.

Chances are, the killer
was horrified by what he did.

Yeah. Mm.

So you gonna...

you gonna let Dr. Brennan
help plan the party?

(tapping on table)

I will.

It would make her feel like
a princess if she did.

(groans quietly)

Right.

That didn't go over well.

Here are a few more
clean bones for you.

Oh, thank you.

These clean bones
are really making

reconstruction a lot easier.

So far, I know that
the victim suffered

sharp force trauma
to the parietal;

the cross-shaped fractures
indicative of someone

that was struck from the left

with a hard-shaped object.

So, a fight with a lefty
before he was killed?

Yeah.
Looks that way.

You know, this might end up
being a very exciting case.

Perhaps it was about love,

or money,

or love and money, or--

Easy does it there,
Mr. Dickens.

Sure. You know,
I would love

for you to read
what I just finished.

I mean, I've already
submitted to a publisher,

but of course,
I can make changes.

Yeah. Sure.

BOOTH: DNA said the victim
is Joe Starkel.

So the victim's brother works
for Merryvale Productions--

they make TV shows.

Apparently, the victim
used to work there too.

What about a storyteller
for the children?

I have the number of an
excellent one to call.

That sounds promising.

I know!
Yeah.

He tells environmental tales

about species who are dying

on the Great Barrier Reef.

What? No. No. No. No. No.

That sounds awful.
It's educational and poignant.

What's awful about that?
The words

"educational" and "poignant."

Just leave it to me, Bones.

I'm going for fun
and more fun.

A lot of fun. Trust me.

Mr. Starkel
and the other performers

are about to start
shooting a scene.

He's the actor in green.

Thanks.
MAN: Action!

♪ Let's go!
Let me sing you the story ♪

♪ Of a broccoli stalk... ♪

Yes!
♪ That's right! ♪

BROCCOLI:
♪ A vegetable mellow and long ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Locked inside the galley
of a pirate ship ♪

♪ Between a carrot
and a pirate ♪

♪ And a ear of corn ♪

♪ Now the mates on the ship ♪

♪ Were big, hungry men ♪

♪ Who ate cookies
and fries by the pound ♪

♪ They ate their own hats ♪

♪ And a cook named Ron! ♪

Okay, now this is fun.

Kids love
this kind of stuff.

Don't you realize
who they are?

These are the
Veggie-Ta-Bills.

Christine loves these guys.
Loves the show.

She does?

What, do you really think
that she's eating broccoli

'cause you told her
there's a pint of fiber in it?

3.8 grams, as well as

20 percent of her
vitamin A requirements.

Not to mention,
an abundance of--

These are the Veg-Ta-Bills.

They're vegetables
that are all named "Bill."

Corn is a fruit,
not a vegetable.

That's not true,
that's not true.

Sometimes considered
a grain, but technically...

Okay, but that's not true.
Shh!

♪ ♪

♪ So the mates on the ship
got sick, didn't feel good ♪

♪ Had dry lips,
cracked kind of like wood ♪

♪ There they were,
hunched over and frail ♪

♪ Looking kind of sick,
all green and pale ♪

♪ They just wouldn't eat
their greens, you see ♪

♪ Wouldn't eat the veggies
like you and me ♪

♪ First they got weak,
then they cried ♪

♪ Finally, they all got scurvy
and died... ♪

Cut! We have to work
on a new dance for that last part.

We can do better.

That was great.
It was great, great.

Carrots, corn
and broccoli-- my man.

Who are you?

We're with the FBI.
Show him your badge.

Bones, wait till we...

We're here to
inform you

that your brother has
been murdered.

And that corn is
not a vegetable.

Oh, my God.

I'm just talking...

I can't believe Joe is dead.

Do you know how
it happened?

We don't know
all the details yet.

He was discovered being devoured
by a patch of kudzu

along the side
of State Route 32.

Really?

What?
You don't follow the...?

Oh, God!
This is awful.

Can you think of anyone who'd want
to hurt your brother?

No. He was a wonderful guy.

He was the best man
at our wedding.

Wait a second--
if your brother

was Carrot Bill,
who-who's that?

That's Tommy. When Joe left,
we had to find a replacement.

If Joe created the show,
why did he leave?

He was working on developing
a new show--

Mirthquake Village.

So you weren't upset
that your brother left?

Sure-Sure, I was, at first.
They're brothers.

Brothers fight, right?

When was the last time
either one of you saw him?

It's been a couple months.

He's pretty busy
with his new show.

Look, we may have
some more questions for you.

If you're thinking about
leaving town,

I suggest you call that number first--
that's me.

Okay.

You have something
for me, Dr. Edison?

Yes.

I would like you
to read my book.

Dr. Hodgins is,
and I would, uh, like

to give you
the chance as well.

You know what? I am very busy.

Wouldn't Dr. Brennan be
a better judge of your work?

I mean, she's a writer, too.

Mm, I'd rather get feedback
from readers.

After all,
that's who I wrote it for.

We should probably finish
the case first,

and then I'll try to get to it.

Great. Now speaking of which,

I found remodeled fractures on
the radius and ulna of both arms

as well as the right fifth
and eighth ribs.

Remodeling suggests that it was
sustained about eight weeks ago.

A fight?
Yes.

His brother said
everybody loved Joe.

I guess that wasn't the case.

Anything on cause of death yet?
No, not yet.

Okay.

Dr. Saroyan...

you... forgot my book.

I look forward
to your thoughts.

Of course.

Okay, check this out.
I found the perfect thing

for Christine's birthday party.

Ronnie the One-Man Band?

Yes! The one-man band!

Show me one person that doesn't
like a one-man band.

I'm sure many
don't like them,

which is why
they're such a rarity.

Help me out here, Sweets.
You like the one-man band?

I think this is really
between the two of you.

Come on. You know how hard
Christine laughs

when she watches Mary Poppins

and Dick Van Dyke,

you know,
doing the one-man band.

(mimics percussion)

That is true.
True.

(text alert sounds)

Oh, you got a text here
from Cam.

"Joe Starkel was in a serious
fight about eight weeks ago."

That's when he was doing
his new show.

Maybe someone on that show knows
who fought with him.

Hold on a minute.
You're saying

Joe Starkel is dead?

Well, he got into a fight
a few months ago,

when he was working here.
Do you know anything about that?

No. Uh, he was
pretty irritable, though,

because Mirthquake Village
didn't turn out to be very good.

Look, I told Joe,
real nice,

I was pulling the plug.

It's tough for a one-hit wonder
to accept the truth,

you know what I mean?
Jake, we need to talk.

I'm a little busy.
These nice people are with the FBI.

It'll just be a minute.

My character would never
wear a crocodile belt.

Why the hell not?

You're a crocodile cowboy.

It's sick,
a croc wearing croc.

Would you wear
a human belt?

I agree with the crocodile.
Okay, Bones, that's enough.

Listen, you wouldn't happen
to know a Joe Starkel?

Oh. Oh, is that
what this is about?

Yeah.
Is he finally filing charges, Jake?

Wear whatever the hell you want.

Just let me finish up here.
I'm sorry.

Charges? What charges?
I don't know

what he's babbling about.

CROCODILE COWBOY: Well, it's
no great secret, Jake.

Jake here and Joe,
they got into it

when Jake pulled the plug
on Mirthquake.

Really?

A little tiff.
BRENNAN: His injuries were extensive.

You fractured his ribs,
mandible, zygomatic.

Funny how that slipped
your mind.

Joe started it.
He freaked when

I told him I didn't
want to do his show.

He came at me swinging.
I defended myself.

I was standing my ground.

SAROYAN:
So, how's it coming?

Actually, the detergent
I used to loosen the vines

from the bones cleaned off a ton
of very interesting stuff.

And what did you find?

Well, so far, I found some motor oil
that was on the victim.

And I'll try to match that
to a specific car.

I also found a mixture
of limestone, clay,

fly ash, and gypsum.

Oh, uh, Portland cement.

It's my job to determine that,

but you are absolutely right.

And I'm thoroughly impressed.

So what does it mean?
I'm not sure yet.

Could be a construction site.

But I believe
the answer is in the runoff.

Have you, uh, started
the book yet?

No. I am so nervous.

I mean, what if it stinks?

But it could be great, right?

MONTENEGRO
I just found out that

the producer Starkel
fought with

was out of the country
when he was killed.

But I think that I have
a new suspect.

So, this is Carrot Bill's
Twitter account.

SWEETS:
You mean Joe Starkel.

No. This is the carrot's.

You'd be surprised about

how many adult fans
there are of the show.

Like this woman,
Debra Ann Volker.

Her Twitter handle is
SuperVeggieFanXOXO.

Carrot Bill was blocking her
direct messages.

"I rely on you to guide my life.

"I trust in you. Everything I am
is because of you."

Okay, this is a woman

that's showing signs
of being obsessed.

Well, that's just
the beginning.

Flash forward to just after
Starkel left the Veg-Ta-Bills.

"I gave you everything.
You let me down.

"You will rot in hell,
and I will make it happen." Wow.

She sent over 50 tweets
in a 48-hour period,

and this was the week
before Starkel was killed.

Look at this picture
she posted.

What, she Photoshopped
herself into that?

It's crazy, right?

Uh, a grown woman

obsessed with a giant orange
phallic symbol?

Yeah, I'm comfortable
calling her crazy.

VOLKER:
Carrot Bill dead?

I can't believe it.

He was the best
vegetable.

Okay, you do realize

that Carrot Bill is
a fictional character?

Joe Starkel is the man that died.
I know.

I'm not insane, Dr. Sweets.

Shrinks always look for
the crazy in everything.

I watch the Veg-Ta-Bills
with my six-year-old son.

To him, the carrot is real.

Right. Did you send these
to Joe Starkel?

I'm kind of a
Twitter freak, I guess.

That's a bit
of an understatement.

Uh, "I want to peel you
out of your carrot suit

and eat you raw."
Okay, okay,

my son wasn't the only one
who liked the show.

But you know what
happens online.

You're anonymous,
so you say things

that you wouldn't face-to-face,
right?

There are hundreds
of these messages.

I mean, it starts

with autograph requests
and it moves on

to wanting to meet,

and then the stuff about
eating his carrot.

I mean, that's-that's,
cyberstalking, Ms. Volker.

Maybe I went a little overboard,

but that show changed
my life as much as my son's.

I was overweight,
eating junk,

I had high blood pressure,
and-and sleep apnea...

but because of Carrot Bill,

I went from this,
to what you see now.

He saved my life
and my career.

I sell beauty products,
which is very hard to do

when you're 80 pounds
overweight.

That is quite a change.
Well, I was

terrified of putting this weight
back on when he left the show.

So you saw the group
as kind of a talisman

for your good fortune then.

I've always been a little
superstitious, I guess.

Have you always threatened
people?

Why would I kill him?

Why? He changed my life.

How are you doing with
Joe Starkel's e-mails?

He deleted
most of them using

a multi-pass system
used by the DoD.

Sounds like he was
hiding something.

I guess we'll never know.

Well, maybe not.
I might be able to use

a magnetic force microscopy

to recover film fragments
and piece them together.

Did you get anything else
from the tox screens?

Nope.

He was one
clean-living carrot.

Clark's book?

I only got through
two chapters.

Pretty painful stuff.

Two pages of the sun setting
over the remains

of an itinerant stock broker.

So I found traces of asphalt
with the concrete and oil.

I think the injuries might have
taken place in a parking lot.

MONTENEGRO:
Oh, great.

So that narrows down
the murder site

to, like, a million places.
HODGINS: Wow.

Snarky.

Oh, the book got you down?

Ooh... (clears throat)

"Death had never looked so dead
as the death

"now in front of them,

"all life drained,

only death covering
the dead."

You think the victim
was dead?

Please, I couldn't
even get past chapter one.

Remember this?

"McDonald's farm was
nestled in a glen,

perfect for the final days
of an old man."

Old McDonald had a farm?
Really? Seriously?

What are we gonna tell him?

We're gonna
tell him the truth.

That I've never read anything
like it.

MONTENEGRO: Oh, that's good.
Yeah.

It's, uh, one of a kind.

HODGINS: Absolutely.
What's one of a kind?

Oh, uh, your book.

I've never read
anything like it.

HODGINS:
Yeah, yeah.

You know, I've been very busy
with the case,

so I've only gotten
through chapter one,

but so far,
it is just...

(laughs) I mean...

Whew!

Well, you know, my feeling is,

if the writer doesn't hook
a reader in chapter one,

he's not doing his job.

Look, I just don't
want compliments.

I can take criticism.

Of-Of course.

Sure.

You-you got it.

Okay, great. Now, um... oh.

I found some additional
remodeled injuries,

uh, this time to
the sternum and lower ribs.

More recent than from
the fight with the producer.

You know,

I hope we solve this soon

so you can all finish reading.

Me, too.
Can't wait!

Chapter two awaits.

Right, right.
(laughs)

MAX: It's so nice
to have coffee with you.

We never to do this.

BRENNAN:
I know.

(Max sighs happily)

But something tells me this
is about more than coffee.

It's Christine's party.

Booth is taking
care of it

and that makes me
uncomfortable,

because I have no
frame of reference

for an important event
in my daughter's life.

Oh, honey...

it wasn't that bad.

I mean, your mother
and I did all we could.

You could have lived
an honest life, Dad.

You know, sometimes
circumstances

move your life
in a direction

you never thought
it would go.

What are you implying?

Well, your mother and I,

we never intended
to live outside the law.

I don't understand.

Then why did you?

I can't tell you why.

Not yet.

Certain people are out there...

still alive...

could get hurt.

And after all I've done,

I don't want
to hurt anyone else.

That's not a real answer.

I... I know,

but you're just going
to have to trust me.

It's not easy, Dad.

I'm sure it isn't.

But when all is
said and done, honey,

your childhood
wasn't so bad.

You used to love playing tag
when you were a kid.

Think back.

Come on.
You loved it.

And you... and you
always got me.

(laughs)

I mean, you could...

you-you would fade to your right

and then, suddenly, you would
slash through to your left...

Y-You could've played football.

I can still
hear you laughing

and squealing with joy

every time you got me.

Isn't that

reference enough
for you to...

to give Christine
a good birthday?

BOOTH:
So what is the verdict?

Okay? Is Debra Ann Volker
capable of murder?

Well, she definitely
suffers from

celebrity
worship syndrome.

Celebrity worship syndrome?
What is that?

Is that even a real thing?
Yeah.

It's an obsessive-addictive
disorder. I'll get you

the literature on it, if you want.
Nah, I'll take your word for it.

So is she a killer?
Volker's tweets definitely

place her at the borderline

of pathological behavior.

And since there's

no cause of death,
we have nothing

to link her,
except that she's a wacko.

Well, wackos are kind of my thing.
Yeah, well,

evidence is my thing, Sweets.
You know that. (phone ringing)

Hold on.
Ooh! It's Ronnie!

Who's Ronnie?
Hey!

Ronnie! Yeah!
Who's Ronnie?

Thanks, bud, for
getting back to me.

He's a one-man-band.
Oh...

Okay. Now? Great.

He's going to play
a song for us.

Now?
Yeah, li...

(whimsical music playing)
Huh?

It's pretty cool.

Right?

(laughs)

This guy's a genius.

The fractures to
the body of the sternum,

the xiphoid process
and the surrounding ribs

appear to be related
to chest compressions.

CLARK: Which were sustained
about five months ago.

Now, what's odd is that
for someone who appears

to have been assaulted
at time of death,

there are no Colles fractures
to the distal radius,

or humeral
head breaks.

Which suggests
the victim

didn't try to
break his fall.

Hmm.

Because he lost
consciousness.

But none of the
injuries he sustained

would have be enough to
render him unconscious.

Yeah, and
Dr. Saroyan

said his tox screens
came back clear,

so no drugs or alcohol.

Which means there's a cause
we're not seeing.

And that calls for
imagination.

Well, it's what
we writers do, isn't it?

But scientists require facts,
not flights of fancy.

True.

Of course.

Congratulations on finishing
your novel, Clark.

I know what
an achievement that is.

Thank you, Dr. Brennan.

Booth.

MONTENEGRO: I reconstructed Joe Starkel's
deleted e-mails.

Apparently, he wanted to be
Carrot Bill again.

His brother never

mentioned anything about that.

Well, these weren't
to his brother.

They were to the head
of the company

that produced the Veg-Ta-Bills,
Henry Munson.

"Munson"?
Whoa, wait a second.

The new Carrot Bill
is Tommy Munson.

I know.

Tommy is Henry Munson's son.

Look, I didn't have
any problems with Joe.

He was a great guy.
No? No problems at all?

Okay, Daddy didn't tell you
that Joe wanted his job back?

Yeah. Sure he did. What about it?
Okay, and that didn't make you upset,

that you were probably going to be replaced?
That's what I thought at first.

But then Joe called me
and told me

he was coming up with a whole
new character for me.

Wait a second-- Joe called you,
not his brother?

Yeah, he and his brother
fought all the time.

They're both
artist types.

He wanted to work it out
with me first.

I was either
going to be

an asparagus or
a Brussels sprout.

But I was pushing for
the asparagus, so...

so I wouldn't lose
the phallic thing.

Right. Got it. Okay.
But the overall deal

would be if Joe
rejoins the group,

you would be getting
a pay cut.

Oh, I was never
in it for the money.

Why, because your daddy's rich?
No.

Because of the moms.

I was in it for them.

The moms...?

Joe cleaned up for years.

A few moms would slip him
their phone numbers

after every show.

Then, when I got
into the carrot suit,

it worked for me, too.

That's why I wanted
to be an asparagus.

Right. Okay.

When was the last time
you saw Joe?

A week ago Tuesday.

I was supposed to meet up
with him after the show

to talk through some concepts,
but he never showed up.

Right, let
me guess...

uh, no one knew

that you were going to meet Joe.

Well, yeah, of course.

Look-look,
like I said,

Joe wanted this
to be just between us

until we worked out
all the details.

So you don't have an alibi

the day that Joe disappeared.

I didn't kill Joe.

Okay? You...
you have to believe me.

I'm just trying to get the facts
here, Mr. Carrot,

and it's not looking
too good for you.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT:
We're ready!

We need the carrot!

Hey.

I found traces of

castoreum, ambergris,

musk... which
is perfume.

I also found tartrazine
and glycol distearate,

which is found in lipstick.
Oh.

Well, that
makes sense.

Apparently, he slept
with a lot of women.

Listen, honey, um...

we have a problem.

What?

Clark's book.

We have to be honest with him.

I mean, nobody is ever
gonna publish it.

Well, it's not up to us, Angie.

We don't have
a choice.

He asked to see us

so that we could
talk about the book.

Oh, no.
Yeah.

After we finish
the case.

I don't suppose
it's ethical

to take a lot more time
to catch a killer.

We're his friends.

I... I just think we should
be straight with him.

Man...

I hate it when you
act like an adult.

What'd you find?

Dr. Brennan told me
to take another look

at the fractures on
the body of the sternum.

Another fight?

No, these are three months
before the fight.

I've heard of people hating
their vegetables before,

but this was one
despised carrot.

These injuries
weren't from a fight.

The fracturing to
the ribs and sternum,

these fractures run laterally,

caused by repeated forceful
compression of the rib cage.

CPR?
Almost certainly.

So he might
have had

a heart attack
five months ago.

And if he still had
a heart condition,

it would explain him dropping

without breaking his fall.

But it wouldn't explain
why someone would dump him

into a pile of kudzu.

Starkel was admitted to
Mountview General two years ago,

with a rare heart condition
called Long QT Syndrome.

Sounds like a dude ranch.
It's a condition

which increases the risk

of episodes of
torsades de pointes.

Wow. What's that?

It's potentially
fatal arrhythmia

provoked by
various stimuli.

Like what?

Anything that could
startle you--

a loud noise or
a sudden shock.

That's a hell of a way
to go through life.

I'm surprised he lasted
as long as he did.

Well, beta blockers
are used

to treat the condition
quite effectively.

All right, then
what killed him?

He wasn't taking
his medication.

Cam's tox screen came back
negative for all drugs,

even the beta blockers.
Why would a guy with

a deadly condition
not take his medication?

Men have
been known

to stop taking
beta blockers

because of a strong...
side effect.

Oh.
Impotence.

Munson said that Starkel

was sleeping around.

So obviously,
I guess he decided that sex

was more important
than staying alive.

Someone could have known
his condition and figured

it was a perfect way
to kill him.

Oh, wow, that is just cold.

Oh, oh, oh, I...
oh, I almost forgot.

I almost forgot.

I set up the whole,
uh, one man band

ready to go for
Christine's birthday party.

He's going to kill it!

(imitates drums, horn)

I was thinking,
Booth...

Since we'll be in the park,

I thought we could play tag.

Sure.

Tag is fun.

See, you know
how to have fun.

You're not gonna catch me, though.
Oh, I wouldn't

be so sure.
I am quite good at tag.

Come on.

I used to be
a Ranger, okay?

You're never
gonna catch me.

We'll see.

HODGINS:
Hey. So I found

duck poo, pig bristle
and goat hairs

in the kudzu run-off.

Why do you get to
have all the fun?

The animal particles,

as well as
everything else we found,

suggest that Starkel
could have been killed

in a parking lot near a farm.

But there are no farms close
to where the body was dumped.

What are you up to?

Well, I decided to search

Starkel's credit card charges,
to see if it's possible

to track his movements
on the day he died.

Nailed it, I'm sure.
Well, no.

He didn't charge
anything that day.

But it did give me an idea.

I expanded the search
to include all of Starkel's

credit card activity
over the past two months, right?

Then I cross-referenced
those charges

against the credit card activity
of all of our suspects.

I have married Big Brother.

Interesting result.

Credit card
and debit card purchases

of the victim

and of Marilyn Starkel

intersect several times.

Look.

Joe Starkel rents a room
at the Tidefront Motel.

And here

Marilyn buys gas the following
morning, next-door.

Okay.
Here's another one.

A hotel stay on Joe's card.

And then a trip to the closest
drug store by Marilyn

that same night.

Now, these two don't live
anywhere near each other.

So, Carrot Bill is having an
affair with his brother's wife.

And his brother would definitely
know about his heart condition.

We talked to your wife, okay?
She claims that you knew, okay?

That she was having an
affair with your brother.

Marilyn and I are
both artists, Agent Booth.

We believe in letting
our creative side out to play.

"Letting your creative
side out to play."

What does that have
to do with anything?

She was following
her feelings,

which I support.

We have an open relationship.

You have an open relationship?

Really?
That's really convenient

for you to say right now.

The fact is that you knew
that your brother had

a medical condition, so you
thought you could scare him

so you can get away with murder.

I couldn't do that
even if I wanted to.

Joe was on medication.
He had it under control.

You're saying you didn't
know that your brother

stopped taking the
beta blockers?

That's-that's crazy.

Why would he do that?

So he could sleep
with your wife.

Look... look, I loved Joe.

He was my brother.

I would never kill him.

Brothers kill brothers
all the time, Ken.

Booth wants anything
that could possibly link

Joe's brother to the murder.

Well, Hodgins might be
leading us there.

With ducks and pigs?

Well, particulates
from an Ancona duck,

Nigerian dwarf goat

or a pot-bellied pig,
to be exact.

MONTENEGRO:
But there are 322

farms and petting zoos
and veterinary clinics

in the area, which might
have those breeds.

Well, Booth is not going
to 322 farms.

Which is why I found a way
to narrow it down even further.

Check this out.

Charlie's Barnyard.

The children's television show?

Now, look at
the location.

HODGINS: See, the animals
are kept in pens

next to the parking lot
at the same studios

the Veg-Ta-Bills use.

Where his brother works.

There's oil spots all
over in all these places.

I hope your little
magic stick can

find out where he was killed.

It's not a magic stick, Booth.

It's an alternative
light source.

Okay, well, we need
a little magic right now.

Found something.

Okay, what do we got?

This is definitely blood.

Well, the angle matches

the fracture
on the victim's parietal.

This where he fell
and conked his head.

Yeah, and there's
more blood here.

BOOTH:
Oh! We got a trail.

BRENNAN:
And it keeps going.

And it stops here.

Look at that.

Right up to the skid marks.

So, he was hit there;

his body was dragged here,

up to these skid marks,

which are...
(chuckles)

tires marks of a smaller car.

Well, we can match
these tires to the ones found

(phone ringing)
at the scene of the body dump.

Dr. Saroyan.

I don't think it's the brother.

I found a compound
of propylene glycol,

glyceryl stearate
and hydrolyzed lupine protein

from the kudzu runoff.

Those are cosmetic ingredients.

You already found those.

No, these are different.

And the concentrations

are extremely high.

There's no way that Starkel
got that much on him

from being with one woman.

HODGINS:
I ran the compound

through an FDA database.

Turns out that it's unique

to a moisturizer made
by a Suzy James Cosmetics.

Wait a second,
that's the company

that Debra Ann Volker works for.

I already told you.

I respected Mr. Starkel.

I was grateful to him.

I'd never hurt him.

You didn't mean to.

He had a heart condition

you couldn't
have known about.

But he was so healthy.

No, he wasn't.
And the trunk of your car

has Starkel's DNA and blood.

BRENNAN: As well as cosmetics
that were found on his clothing.

Plus your tires match
the tires

that were found at the site

where the body was dumped.

(voice breaking):
He slept with so many women.

Why not me?

And you just, what,

you wanted to
get close to him?

I-I drove up behind him.

And I have an electric car,

so I guess he didn't,
he didn't hear me.

And I got right up
to him, you know?

I just wanted to surprise him.

So I honked my horn.

You startled him.
But he just dropped.

And-and-and he hit his head
on-on the parking block.

So I got out and
I-I ran to him

and I tried to help him.

But... he was just...

I...

I just wanted

to get his attention, okay?

I-I just wanted him
to see how good I look.

'Cause that was all
because of him.

He died the instant
you honked your horn.

So you put him in your car
and you dumped his body.

You dumped his body.

I didn't know what else to do.

I didn't want anybody
to think it was my fault.

But it was, Debra.

♪ Close the window, love ♪

♪ Keep the light out ♪

♪ Shut the curtains tight ♪

♪ We'll get found out ♪

♪ Or we'll get lost here ♪

♪ La-da-da-da ♪

♪ La-da-da-da-da-da ♪

♪ La-da-da-da ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... ♪

Here you go.

Ah, since the case

is over, Dr. Saroyan,
I thought it be okay

for us to share a little wine.

Certainly make
our conversation a lot easier.

I agree.

Okay, if we run out,

I have more in my office.

Really?

Yeah. Doing what we do,

I'm surprised
we all don't.

Please, sit.

O-Okay.

(clears throat)

(sighs)

(exhales)
So, you-you want to...

uh, to talk,

um, about your book.
Yes.

I can't tell you
how much it's meant to me

that you guys all read my book.

As your friends, we-we want
to be honest with you.

Of course.

But, uh, first,
I would like if we could all

raise our paper cups.

I can't imagine a more
wonderful group of friends

to share this good news with.

I'm being published.

What?

The same publishers
who published Dr. Brennan.

They think my book
is perfect for them.

They're promising
a big release.

We-we... we should drink!

To-to Murder Made Me Do It.

Down the old hatch.

Now, look, I-I know
that I'm published now,

but I would really still like
your feedback.

So, uh...
MONTENEGRO: Well, I...

for one, I-I loved it.

SAROYAN:
Me, too.

This is... the best book
I've read in a long time.

It was riveting.

I gotta tell you,

I can't believe
you all loved it.

I know.

Neither can I.

Published.

Yeah.

BRENNAN (laughing):
Oh, no.

Hello.
Hey. Where's Booth?

Oh, he's dealing with Ronnie
the one-man band.

(drumming, clanging)

Bones.

Bones!
Bones, Bones, Bones!

Come here, come here.
(squeaking)

Why are you wearing that?

What do you mean?
Well, Ronnie, Ronnie. Look at him.

He's passed out,
and I don't want him drooling

all over the kids.

Well, you can't
play that.

What-what do you mean I can't?

What? You just do this.
(cymbal clangs)

One of these.
(plays accordion, squeaks)

And Pops, you know, he taught me
how to play the harmonica.

Listen.
(plays harmonica)

(chuckles) Right?
(plays accordion)

Right. So come on.
Help me in the back.

Make sure everything's
all hooked up.

(plays accordion)

Christine is happy just playing
with her friends, Booth.

Look, all right, I don't want
to disappoint Christine.

I promised my little girl that I
would get her the one-man band.

(plays accordion) And that's what
she's gonna get.

(plays harmonica)
Okay.

(Booth playing lively song)
What's happening?

(applause, cheering)

Hey!
ALL: ♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ To you ♪

(clanging, squeaking)

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

I want to play tag.
BOOTH: No, no.

Let-let me just finish here,
honey, okay?

No, Mommy said tag.

You're not afraid, are you?
I'm kind of

at a disadvantage here. Okay.

And Mommy always won.
Want to go?

I told her
it was my favorite game.

Tag, you're it! Tag, tag, tag!
(drum thumping)

Tempe always won.
Go get 'em! Go get 'em!

(cheering, whooping)

(horn honking)

(laughing)

Oh, no! Don't get me!

Oh, did he get you?

(laughing, yelling happily)

Oh, you got me! I'm It!
(laughs)

Oh, I'm at a serious
disadvantage here, Bones.

Well, that's because
you're playing me.

Ah!

Ha-ha! You're It!

Fade to the left!

Go!

MONTENEGRO:
Get him! Get him!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

What's that mean?