Bones (2005–2017): Season 4, Episode 24 - The Critic in the Cabernet - full transcript
The remains are found in a barrel of wine. Bones realizes she wants to have a child and asks Booth for help.
Whoo!
My name is Greg Harmalard,
and I am here to recruit you!
Whoo!
Tomorrow night,
our noble conference champions...
the Middlesex Archers-
Boing! Boing!
face the desperate and conniving
Forest Lake Otters!
Right about now,
the Otters must be wondering...
where their mascot went.
Lake Forest sucks! Lake Forest sucks!
Lake Forest sucks!
Archers, ready your bows.
Archers, raise your bows.
Archers, aim!
Archers, fire!
Yeah!
Ladies and gentlemen
of Middlesex College...
aim your weapons!
- Oh, yeah!
- Fire at will!
Return fire!
Fire!
What is that thing? 'Cause it looks real.
Oh, my gosh.
What is that thing?
Just got orders from P.D.
Male. Some of
this costume is fused to the remains.
Uh, good morning.
I'm Vernon Warner, dean of students.
Special Agent Seeley Booth.
This here is Dr. Temperance Brennan...
- from theJeffersonian.
- There is a lot of damage to this body.
They had a cannon.
More like a blunderbuss, really...
filled to the brim
with bric-a-brac and shrapnel.
Yeah. Look, I suspect that
this might be a prank.
- A prank?
- Well, it's college, Bones.
I- I suspect that one
of our less reflective frat houses...
may have stolen these remains
from the, uh, medical school.
Beta Delta Sigma.
We got a missing cadaver report yesterday.
I'll tell you what, Bones. When I was
in college, my frat-we stole a cadaver...
dressed it up like Caesar
and put it on the statue of a horse.
Would this, by any chance,
be a fraternity of sociopaths?
But if the Betas did do this,
I will withdraw their certification.
The stolen cadaver was male,
73 years old.
His snowmobile fell through the ice.
Donated his body to science.
Yeah. Snowmobilers and motorcyclists
are our main source of cadavers.
No.
The third molar has not fully erupted.
I'd be surprised if
he was older than mid-20s.
So this is not the missing cadaver?
I think you'll find your missing
medical school cadaver is over there.
- Where?
- Sitting on the bleachers.
He hasn't moved since we got here.
No, that's just campus security.
They're always like that.
- But I'll go check it out.
- So if he is not a stolen cadaver, then, uh-
He wasn't alive when our students
shot him with the cannon, was he?
I won't know cause of death
until I get him back to the lab.
Yeah, she's right. It's your cadaver.
He reeks of formaldehyde.
Okay. Let's get it all
back to theJeffersonian, shall we?
Looks like someone
took a flamethrower to Sasquatch.
Well, this is what
he was supposed to look like.
Someone finally killed a mascot?
- Mr. Vaziri, do you have the X-rays?
- Yes.
I have never seen so many
foreign objects in human remains.
Arrows, marbles, "jack,"
various coins, cutlery.
My best guess is
a nuclear explosion occurred...
just as the victim
entered a 99-cent store.
Well, uh, close.
He was shot by a blunderbuss,
pelted by an angry mob and then burned.
Now, that's what I call team spirit.
I'm a... wisecracking pathologist
with a dark sense of humor.
It was funny. Yeah.
What'd they say?
Dishonorable discharge?
Court-martial convicted me of misuse of
authority and theft of government property.
Come on. No Booth has ever
gotten a dishonorable discharge.
Uh, yeah. No Booth has ever had to save
his brother from an insane kidnapper.
I'm sorry.
I owed you for diggin' me
out of crap my whole life.
Well, you're gonna need a job.
Now, I joined the navy when I was 17.
So a job-That's what civilians
refer to as a duty, right?
Yes. Booth.
Angela identified the boy
in the otter suit.
- Oh, wow. That was quick. Just give me a second.
- Are you talking to me?
No, I'm talking to my brother.
Just give me one minute.
Just do your thing.
I'll catch up with you later.
- Look. Hey, I'll help you find a job.
- What, me?
I save your life, you find me a job?
Yeah, that seems fair.
Yeah, I'm back.
The student walk-in dentist
was able to provide dental records.
I e-mailed you the particulars.
The victim is James Bouvier.
His friends called him Beaver...
- I assume because of his last name, which is Bouvier.
- Yeah, I'm sure that's why.
Although, despite the similar sound...
Bouvier means "ox," not "beaver. "
Beaver is 23 years old and a member
of the Beta Delta Sigma fraternity.
Yeah, that's not a coincidence.
Statistically, given
the size of the campus...
it could be a complete coincidence
that the murdered student...
is also a member of the group of
sociopathic, young male cadaver thieves.
Statistically maybe.
But this is not math class, okay, Bones?
Just meet me at Middlesex College
in 30 minutes.
Don't mention anything about Beaver...
- when you're talking to these people.
- Beaver. Okay.
- What people?
- These people here. They're all potential suspects.
- Got it?
- Okay.
Okay, so, who organized the rally last night?
That would be me and Gary.
That's Greg Harmalard and Gary Bacon.
The bonfire is kind of a tradition.
Me and Gary added the whole
"hanging the enemy mascot" element.
Molly brought in the band...
and took care of letting everyone
know the where and when details.
Um-Well, just an e-mail chain, really.
- Well, whose idea was the blunderbuss?
- Me again.
You have to understand that we had
no idea there was a cadaver in there.
- It's from the med school, right? That's what I heard.
- Okay.
Who stole the otter costume
from Forest Lake?
Um, me, Greg and Dave.
When you stole the costume,
was there anything inside of it?
Nothing. I mean, there was
a dancing acrobat dude, whatever.
But we duct-taped him
to a pole and took the suit.
Where was the costume located
between the time you stole it...
and it was hung on the gallows,
blown up and incinerated?
We just kicked it under here.
This is the homecoming float.
Um, me, Dave and Greg stuffed it
with cafeteria leftovers and plastic bags.
- The head was a cantaloupe.
- Uh, next day, we brought in Dave's dad's truck...
and hung it up,
drove it out to the rally.
So are any of you guys members...
of the Beta Delta Sigma fraternity?
Um, the Betas don't build school spirit.
They tear it down.
So definitely not.
Any of you guys know a guy
by the name ofJimmy Bouvier?
Also known as Beaver.
Um, he's a Beta.
He's got a huge bong.
Beaver's okay.
You know, he's a good-time guy.
He likes to throw up a lot is all I know.
But if anybody was gonna put a cadaver
in an otter costume, it-it'd be Beaver.
I'll bet he was watching everyone
running and screaming last night...
and laughing his ass off.
This is a commemorative pin
from the Chinese Olympics.
It was in what's left
of the victim's liver.
Ball bearing.
All this stuff is extremely common.
Nails, screws, bolts, washers.
- Keys.
- What is this?
My guess- it's a USB drive.
What kind of people do this?
Perforate human remains with
household commonalities and refuse?
Gee, I don't know.
Every bomber who ever lived?
Did you make that comment
simply because I am Muslim?
You serious? Of course.
Timothy McVeigh, Ted Kaczynski...
William Ayers...
Mr. George P. Metesky,
known as the original Mad Bomber.
It seems an insurmountable task, this.
Each of these could have been
the cause of death...
and yet, we would not
be able to trace its-
Trace its-
- What?
- Origin.
- This is a bullet.
- A.22-caliber.
A bullet says "I wish to kill you'"
much more clearly...
than an Olympic pin.
- Can we agree?
- Yeah.
I'm Robert Hooper,
the Beta Delta chapter president.
This is Dalton Abbot. He helped the Beaver
steal the corpse from the med school.
Listen, we don't care about the cadaver.
We just wanna find out who killed your brother.
We agreed before you got here that we'd answer
any and all questions you have truthfully.
Ah. A conspiracy to tell the truth.
Interesting.
Yeah. Eli was the Beaver's frosh.
You know, kind of breaking him in
to the Greek life.
- Mmm. What was Beaver like?
- Beaver was the most popular guy in the house.
No, I asked, "What was he like?"
Not, "Was he liked?"
- Sweets.
- What?
- There's a difference.
- Look.
The Beaver was exactly
like a great guy who everybody liked.
Yeah, he was cool. He was a brother.
What was Beaver's life like
outside of the fraternity?
- Like Eli said, everybody liked him.
- Yeah.
Well, except for the faculty.
He was on academic probation.
But academic probation is the price
you pay for everybody liking you.
Girlfriend? Or is this one of those
"bros before hos" kind of frats?
Beaver was more like a partier.
Well, we do know that Beaver
was with at least one girl.
- Why? What makes you think so?
- Scoreboard.
- What?
- Beaver. One star, one conquest.
Oh-So do the stars here...
represent the number of times
individual members of the fraternity...
completed the sex act,
or the number of girls?
- The second.
- Just curious. Do you also compare penis sizes?
No! Only if we're really drunk
and already naked.
- What? - What? I-
- You're crazy, man.
We agreed to answer
all their questions truthfully.
Dalton Abbot. Very successful according
to this. Compensating for something.
Sweets, stop psychoanalyzing frat life
and just get on with the Beaver questions.
Sure. Of course. But, guys,
wouldn't it be more impressive...
to actually have a single girl want
to have sex with you multiple times...
unless your only objective
it to impress other adolescent males?
- Guys, Beaver's single star.
- Molly Briggs.
- Thank you.
- Guys, we agreed, for the last time.
If Harmalard found out that Beaver
was bouncin' Molly, he'd kill him.
Greg Harmalard?
The-The guy who organized the bonfire?
Yeah. Yeah, Molly's boyfriend.
He's in R.O.T.C.
- They like shooting things.
- Yeah.
They keep track of sexual conquests
with stars on the wall?
- It's emotionally stunted.
- Guys, it's a college fraternity.
They seem like really terrible people.
They're college kids, okay? It's-Their job
description is to be bad. It's what they do.
Yeah, but still, a community of young men
mutually supporting bad decisions.
Look, these kids, they go out into the world.
They're alone.
They have no supervision. They have to be
bad in order to figure out what it is.
Did you know-Scientific fact.
Their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
- No, that is not a scientific fact.
- What they gotta do...
is build their frontal lobes
with exercise, okay?
- And that comes from doing the wrong thing.
- Okay.
- So your theory is, you gotta be bad to be good?
- Exactly. Facts of life.
So what transmissions
did you get from the brothers?
- Booth, he is not a radio.
- Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
What I did observe,
using my eyes and my training...
is that these three frat brothers weren't
actually upset about Beaver's death.
- How do you know?
- Well, real grief comes and goes in waves.
These guys had their faces
set in sadness the whole time.
- They were lying.
- I believe you're just guessing.
Okay. Fine. I'm a magic eight ball.
I think you hurt his feelings.
Did you believe him?
The bullet Arastoo found in
the victim's remains was a. 22-caliber.
- Light and relatively undamaged.
- Low-pressure rimfire cartridge.
Which is consistent with
R.O.T.C. small arms.
So, do you recognize this pistol?
Yes, sir. It's a Beretta U-22 Neos L.R.
with a six-inch barrel.
Ten-round capacity. Low blade front sights
and adjustable rear sights.
I'm in R.O.T.C.
I know my weapons.
Well, you should know this one
particularly well because...
it was last signed out to you.
F.B.I. ballistics has ascertained
that this gun fired this bullet.
- Where'd you find the bullet?
- In Beaver's corpse.
- Beaver's dead?
- He's catching on pretty good.
- Wait. I never shot Beaver.
- Did you fire this gun at the rally?
Yes, sir, I did.
But I loaded it with blanks.
That was Beaver hanging
in the otter mascot outfit?
- He's quite adept at putting the puzzle together.
- Mm-hmm.
- What was Beaver doing in there?
- We were hoping that maybe you could be able to tell us.
Look, I told you,
I loaded the gun with blanks.
- Did you check the chamber?
- I think so.
Well, obviously, you are either careless...
or you intended to fire the bullet.
Or somebody, you know,
sabotaged me.
Beaver had to be hanging up there
for at least an hour before-
No way that Beaver was still alive
when I fired. Right?
I had no idea it was Beaver.
I had no reason to shoot Beaver.
Except for the fact that
he slept with your girlfriend.
Uh, I don't-
I don't wanna sound conceited...
but... look at Beaver,
look at Molly, look at me.
Me and Beaver sexually?
Do I look like a blow-up doll?
Beaver told his fraternal brothers
that he had sex with you.
Yeah, well, he lied.
Look, I'll give you D.N.A.
or whatever you want.
And then you can do me a favor and
broadcast the results across the campus.
Thanks. We don't have anything
to compare her D.N.A. to.
- I have an idea.
- We're gonna collect his sheets off his bed?
Yes. And then we will
check them for D.N. A...
see if he had sexual intercourse
with Molly Briggs.
Right.
Who's gonna check the kid's sheets?
Seems like a bad job to me.
Mm-hmm.
Gentlemen, raise your glasses.
Members of Beta Delta Sigma...
I ask that you form in your mind
your favorite image of our fallen brother...
Jimmy "the Beaver'"Bouvier!
Why are they all wearing bedsheets?
- It's a toga memorial.
- And with that image firm in your mind, I say drink!
Yeah! Beaver!
Excuse me. Did one of you
take the sheets from Beaver's room?
'Cause that room is sealed for evidence,
and you will be prosecuted.
That's a good one, Bones. Now no one's
gonna admit to having Beaver's sheets.
- Then we'll have to take them all.
- You can take mine, pretty lady.
Hey, yeah, yeah.
You heard 'em, boys.
- Give 'em your sheets.
- You can do my laundry.
- Free Willy.
- Little fluff and fold.
- I'll meet you back at the lab, okay?
- Hangin'in the wind.
- Can I- Can I offer you anything, ma'am?
- It's cold.
- Gettin'small.
- No. Mm-mmm.
Huh? What do you think?
It's nice. Not really gonna do you
much good here in the wintertime.
- That's for sure.
- You're always practical, huh, Seeley?
- Listen, I got you a job interview.
- Yeah?
Yeah. An army buddy of mine
up in Pittsburgh...
is looking for someone to head up
his criminal intelligence unit.
- You found me a job in less than 24 hours?
- Just an interview.
- Do you wanna use my car?
- No.
Jared, you can't show up
to a job interview on a bike.
- Seeley, I'm not going to the interview.
- Why?
Because I don't want a job. I'm gonna
take this thing, and I'm goin' on a trip.
- You're goin' on a trip? Where?
- I've always wanted to see India...
without, you know,
spying on Pakistan.
Oh, okay. I see. So you're gonna somehow
get this bike to India, ride it around.
What if it breaks down?
What are you gonna do for parts?
What am I gonna do for parts
if it breaks down in India?
- That's all you have to say?
- You know what? Just go on the interview.
Would you-
You forgot to tell me to get shots
and not to talk to strangers.
So, were you able to match sheets with boys?
Believe me, there was
enough D.N.A. on these sheets...
to paint a very clear picture
of life at Beta Delta Sigma.
For example, these two boys were carrying
on a sexual relationship with each other.
Nah. Those two guys
are sleeping with the same girl.
Although, refreshingly,
not at the same time.
- What about Beaver?
- Oh. Lots and lots of D.N.A.
- All of it his own.
- So there's no D.N. A...
on any of the sheets
that could be Molly Briggs's?
Vaginal contributions were found on eight
of the sets of sheets. None from Molly Briggs.
But Dr. Hodgins did find something more
than semen on Beaver's sheets.
Yeah, I found evidence
of vegetable-based lanol...
assorted liposomes,
Seba-Gel, and micronized estriol.
- Ointment.
- From the stain's position on the sheet and its shape...
which was approximately three inches long
by one and one-quarter inch wide-
- Okay. We get it.
- The substance appears to have transferred...
from the victim's penis
directly to the bedsheet.
Adolescent males will use almost
any available lubricant when masturbating.
- Even estrogen cream?
- A more plausible scenario...
has got Beaver sexing it up
at a different location...
then coming home to his own bed naked.
And I refer again to the imprint.
- Sex with-
- An older woman.
Yeah. Yeah, most likely, menopausal.
- Molly Briggs is 20.
- Also, I finished my autopsy.
And the bullet shot by Greg Harmalard
was definitely not cause of death.
- He was dead when it struck him?
- For at least 12 hours.
- So we still have no cause of death?
- Well, I got a theory.
Kid died of dehydration.
Forgot to replenish his fluids.
Okay, what are we looking for this time?
You know, photos, love notes, uh...
I don't know, fur, gray hair.
Anything that's gonna help us
identify Beaver's cougar.
Beaver, otter, cougar.
This case is like a day at the zoo.
A cougar is an older woman
who prefers younger men.
Wouldn't that indicate that
every woman is a cougar?
Thanks for the insight there, Bones.
Okay.
- What's the, uh, victim's birth date?
- 11-05-89.
I'm Jared's older brother.
He should listen to me.
I could provide you with several societies
where younger brothers are required...
under threat of death to do
what their older brothers tell them.
- I like those societies.
- Well, they're mostly extinct now.
- Did you give me Beaver's birthday the scientific way?
- Day, month, year.
If you want month, day, year,
05-11-89.
Aha! Look at that.
Next time I ask you a question,
just answer it in American. That's all.
Oh. The kid had some cash.
- Maybe he was a drug dealer.
- Hmm.
Ooh. What are those?
Some kind of codebooks?
- You got that right.
- Was our victim some kind of spy?
It's worse.
He was some kind of bookie.
- Well, Booth mostly broke the code.
- That's right.
Column one is initials and nicknames.
Beaver had approximately
50 regular clients.
Column two is the day of the week.
What is the significance of this sequence?
"Foot. Bat. Pig. Dimple. Fish. "
Those are the sports he took bets on.
Football, basketball, baseball, soccer, golf.
Beaver had over $2,000 in his suitcase.
This whole operation generated
$12,000 this year.
Wow. No wonder this kid did not
wanna lose academic standing.
All right.
Now, three of these people-
Zimmer, C.C. and 4x4-
they all owed him
over three grand a piece.
- You think that could be motive?
- I bet those are the three guys Sweets said were faking grief.
Yeah. That is worth looking into.
Okay. I found something else
in his computer.
A month ago, he hacked into
the university's computer system...
and went straight to
the chemistry professor's secure server...
and downloaded the exam.
This guy was a true entrepreneur.
Yeah. It was the third time
he hacked into the chemistry page.
Who was the professor?
Uh, Professor Marlene Twardosh.
Well-
Out of all the damages the victim's remains
suffered from the blunderbuss- 23 fractures-
I discovered only three
that occurred before he died.
Do any of them offer us cause of death?
I think not. Both wrists
sustained compression fractures.
The right radius, the left ulna...
and significant chipping to both
the proximal and distal carpal rows...
and compression of
the lateral epicondyles.
Ouch. What about the third?
Compression fracture here at the coccyx
and the apex of the sacrum.
These injuries appear
to have occurred at the same time.
He fell backwards, tried to break his fall
with his hands stretched behind him.
Dr. Hodgins had an idea of how to figure out
the height from which the victim fell.
Oh. This should be good.
The F.B.I. is investigating student cheating?
Who says America undervalues education?
Did any of your students
do suspiciously well on your last exam?
Starting with James Bouvier.
Beaver has never done suspiciously well
at anything, Agent Booth.
He was about to be expelled
because he failed my course.
Did he show any signs that
he wanted to do any better?
You mean begging for mercy or offering
bribes and sexual favors? That sort of thing?
- Do you use an estrogen cream?
- No.
I make do with the meager hormones
I produce naturally.
- Why?
- Did you have sexual intercourse with Beaver?
- What are you-
- I was joking about the sexual favors.
Also about the bribes?
My God, you people are humorless.
Five students failed this exam.
- It was a tough exam.
- They got exactly the same score- 37%.
- What are the chances of that?
- I teach chemistry.
You'll have to ask
Professor DeWitt in Statistics.
But the same five students did extremely
well on the two tests preceding this one.
- Bones, what are you gettin' at?
- I believe Professor Twardosh...
realized that these students
had stolen her tests in the past.
And instead of informing the university,
she planted a fake test online.
- To turn her students in?
- No.
That would result in hearings and excuses
and tears and parents. I hate parents.
Look, your college experience was with
professors. Mine was with students and jocks.
- What are you gettin'at here?
- Well, I believe Professor Twardosh took revenge...
against unethical students
who had no respect for knowledge.
- And you approve?
- Yes, I do.
Beaver was obviously an emerging criminal.
Thank you. I may need you...
to testify at my termination hearing
when the university finds out.
- Can I ask you one question? What floor is your office on?
- The third floor.
- Over grass?
- Over flagstones.
On my bad days, I consider jumping.
You're a forensic anthropologist, correct?
- Would it kill me?
- No, Professor Twardosh.
It would probably just break
a few bones.
- That's good to know.
- Mmm.
So I checked out the nicknames
of the kids who owed Beaver money.
Are those the guys you picked out
as not being sad he was dead?
Uh, yeah.
You're walking pretty fast.
Uh- So any of those three frat guys
set off your psycho-killer alarm?
No, no, no. They display a fairly banal mix
of social awkwardness...
narcissism, inappropriate fantasies.
- All within the normal range.
- Even the R.O.T.C. guy?
Well, like most overachievers,
he displays a slight Oedipal neurosis.
- Will you share with me why you're so agitated?
- You know what?
My brotherJared is ruining his life.
Oh. He's drinking again?
No. I'm pretty sure he was dried out
before his court-martial.
Then why the recent urge to self-destruct?
I set up a perfectly
great job interview for him.
But instead, you know
what he decides to do?
He wants to just travel across India
on his motorcycle.
Yeah, that's right. Talk about
a narcissistic dependence on stupidity.
Mm-hmm. You or him?
This is exactly why I don't talk to you
about these kind of things.
Okay. I'm gonna suggest that
you're jealous of your brother's decision.
- I don't want to go to India.
- Well, you feel trapped here by your responsible nature.
- Your job, your interpersonal relations.
- What?
Whereas Jared is completely free.
I am free. I am free as a bird.
Free to do whatever I want.
Yeah, but what you're not free to do
is control your brother's life.
ControlJared.
Good luck with that one.
Well, it's not for a lack of trying.
You could always get a motorbike
and go with him.
A "motorbike. " A motorbike is used for
people who deliver pizzas in Amsterdam.
You know, India is large.
It's vast. Get a motorcycle.
Right.
I'd get an American motorcycle.
This dummy is exactly
the same weight as the victim, correct?
69.853 kilograms, yes.
And why are we the only ones here?
Oh, I, uh, asked everyone to leave.
Okay, now, I have installed four sensors
in the wrists and in the back of the spine.
So we should be able to gauge the height
from which the victim fell...
to within a few centimeters
after only a few trials.
Why did you ask everyone to leave?
Are we doing something shameful?
No, it's just- Last time I dropped
something from up there...
it bounced and injured An-
innocent bystander.
But nobody's here this time.
So-
- Coccyx test number one. Dr. Jack Hodgins supervising.
- No.
- No, no, no. Uh- No.
- But-
- No, no.
- It-
Stop. This is an unnecessary experiment.
The height of the fall
can be calculated mathematically.
Th-That is true.
But I decided to humor Dr. Hodgins...
so we could bond over a project.
- Why do you need to bond?
- He mistrusts Muslims.
Go grab a beer together.
But I am saying no to this experiment.
Yeah. I got that during the part where
you said "no" seven times in a row.
I find that you don't pay attention
to the first six.
He can't drink beer.
He's Muslim!
All right.
Hodgins and Arastoo have an estimate
of how far the victim fell.
1.37 meters onto a hard surface.
- You know what this means, don't you?
- Yep.
Dr. Brennan's gonna stare at the bones
until they speak to her.
So "rock, paper, scissors"
to see who stays to babysit her?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yes!
- Best two out of three.
Damn.
#I'm keepin'up, keepin'up #
# With the time-lapse lifeline #
# And they can run
they can run #
# From the farm to the last ride #
# And we can hear
we can hear#
# The first beat to the flatline #
# I'm keeping up, keeping up #
# With the time-lapse lifeline #
# And once it's done #
# Oh, we dreamed a life #
- # It was just like that #
- Cam?
# Was just like that #
Booth will want to know. I found cause of death.
All right.
- Professor Twardosh was not Beaver's sex partner.
- Okay. Did anyone think that?
- Honestly? Because I did not.
- Booth believes that the cringe factor was too high...
even though cringe factor
is not a valid mathematical construct.
Believe me, it is. Okay?
So the three boys that owe Beaver
the money all have alibis.
Four people bought the bogus exam
from Beaver, all members of the golf team.
At the time of his death though, they were
at a tournament in North Carolina.
Great. So all we know now is that, uh,
golfers cheat a lot.
We know that Beaver was killed
by being stabbed in the chest.
A very small hole.
Perhaps an ice pick. Punctured his aorta.
- He bled to death internally.
- We also know that shortly before he died...
he fell backward 1.37 meters,
fracturing his wrists and his coccyx.
Okay. So he was stabbed, and
he fell backwards. That makes sense.
Something's bothering me about this.
I went through that kid's computer...
and there's absolutely no indication
that he had the skill...
to hack into the
university's secure server.
Yeah, well, he probably got
his fraternity brothers to hack in for him.
Well, Mr. Vaziri and I will figure out
exactly what weapon killed Beaver.
- Great.
- Well, what are you going to do?
- Uh, something personal.
- What?
Personal. Personal means personal,
you know? Not for the public.
Well, I'm- I'm not the public.
You know the roads suck in India
when they're dry, right?
And-And they turn into rivers
when the monsoons come.
I'll tell you what.
Trucks don't even give way to anyone.
Will you give the lifeguard thing a rest,
Seeley? All right?
The State Department has advised
that there is a heightened security concern...
for anyone traveling alone in India.
Then come with me. I mean, that way,
you can watch over me every minute.
You know, everywhere you've gone,
you've always had the full might...
of the United States government
behind you.
Yeah, I know. I know.
You were a frontline guy, a fire-eater...
- and I was just some rear echelon wimp.
- I never said that.
You're so worried, come along.
Then, I'll have the full might
of Seeley Booth behind me.
Seriously?
I didn't think you were serious.
I wasn't when I said it.
But now I am.
- Yeah. I'm serious.
- You want me to come to India with you?
Ball's in your court, brother.
I'm a freshman pledge. Beaver was
kind of like my mentor in the fraternity.
When Beaver, uh, your mentor...
asked you to hack into
Professor Twardosh's files...
to steal tests, what did you think?
At first, I said no.
But you know what?
- Beaver was your brother.
- That's right.
He was a brother
who was on academic probation.
I mean, he was gonna get expelled
if he didn't pass the chem course.
Plus, I know it may not
have looked like it from the outside...
but Beaver was a great guy.
So I had to help him.
Our computer expert said that some info
was erased from Beaver's hard drive.
Erased by someone who knew
what they were doing.
That was me too. J PEG files.
I think about 30 of them.
- Digital photographs?
- Yeah.
I- I didn't see any of them.
But before I permanently deleted them...
Beaver had asked me to put
four specific ones onto a USB drive.
So I did.
Look.
I told you everything, okay?
But if my college finds out
that I hacked into the chem test...
they're gonna kick me to the curb.
Okay? They don't care about brothers.
Well, I care about brothers
who are great guys, Eli.
But, more importantly,
I report to the F.B. I...
not Middlesex College.
Thanks.
Hey, what do you got?
We found the hacker, who told Sweets...
he put some very sensitive images
on a USB for Beaver.
A damaged USB drive
was amongst the shrapnel...
that Mr. Vaziri removed from the remains.
There are fourJ PEG files on this drive,
and two of them are total goners.
But here's what I got from number three.
Concentrate. That looks like a face.
Yep, that's Beaver.
- Is he being tortured?
- Not exactly.
Yeah, that's a sex face, Bones. Can you pull up
anything else and see who he's with?
No.
But this one's almost done.
- Whoa.
- Is that a cougar?
- She could be in her 40s.
- Okay, print it.
- We'll see which member of
the faculty this one is.
There is no accelerated compression
of the bone around the wound.
So the shaft of the weapon
was uniform in thickness.
If there were no lip on the outside...
then we'd know it was a projectile
that caused the wound.
Yes.
A one-way trip, so to speak.
But since there was a lip, we know it was
a return trip for the weapon-
into the aorta and back.
As the weapon entered...
it was going substantially faster
than when it was withdrawn.
A shaft of consistent width.
Someone hammered a nail into the victim,
then pulled it out?
No. Not hammered, Mr. Vaziri.
Shot.
A nail gun.
A nail gun.
Recognize this woman, Dean Warner?
Yes, I know this woman.
- Where'd you get the photo?
- Off the victim's computer.
Who is she?
Her name is Meredith Warner.
She's my wife.
We've been trying to track down your wife.
- Guess what?
- It's been a week since anyone saw her.
You think I killed my wife
and James Bouvier?
- Have you seen the photographs before?
- Yes, just over a week ago...
which is when I suggested
to Meredith that...
it was a good time for her
to visit her sister in Toronto.
Mm-hmm.
Why was it a good time?
Because the boy threatened
to put the photos of them together...
all over the Internet
if I didn't let him stay in school.
Beaver failed his chemistry test.
You were going to expel him.
Yeah. I, uh, declined to be blackmailed.
Did the photos ever appear
on the Internet?
They did not.
Is that because you killed Beaver?
I have nothing more to say to you except
that I did not kill the boy.
I'm even a little sorry that he's dead.
So either arrest me
and let me call my lawyer, or let me go.
Okay. Vernon Warner, I am placing you
under arrest for the murder ofJames Bouvier.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court oflaw.
You have the right to remain silent.
It doesn't make sense. I mean, logically,
I mean, it doesn't make sense.
- Yeah, I know.
- What? The dean kills the kid with a nail gun...
and then places him in the mascot costume
that's full of leftovers?
- I know. It doesn't make sense.
- No-That's what I said.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying too.
It doesn't make sense.
Why did you arrest him?
He pissed me off, you know? Instead of
helping us, he starts screaming for a lawyer.
Jared wants me to go to India with him.
- Indiana?
- India, okay?
Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras,
Slumdog Millionaire.
Y- I know. Are you going?
We don't like each other.
- So... not going?
- Well, I mean, he's my brother, so I love him.
- I'm confused. You are going?
- I mean, Jared should not go to India alone.
He'll get into all kinds of trouble.
You said he's never been alone.
Exactly. You know what?
He'll be eaten alive.
Well, if you go with him,
then he won't be alone.
You won't let him be bad, and his frontal lobe
will always be the size of a raisin.
Well, that's what you said.
Makes no scientific sense.
Yeah, you said. Got it.
I did an inventory of the nails
found in the victim's body.
- There were 36.
- Arastoo, we know the nail...
that pierced the aorta
was pulled out of the victim.
Yes. But I thought perhaps
the killer didn't throw it away.
Perhaps he simply left it on the body.
- One never knows.
- One never does.
I examined the nails
very carefully for marks...
that would confirm
it was shot from a nail gun.
A nail gun leaves distinctive marks.
Not from the hammering mechanism,
you understand...
but from the reloading mechanism.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Well, Dr. Brennan said...
to be especially polite to you
when the science was difficult.
- How stupid do you people think I am?
- Booth?
- Yeah?
- Do you recognize this nail?
Whoa.
Hey.
#I've been on the edge of my chair#
What?
# Waiting for circumstance #
# To be kind #
She's the one you want.
Beaver came up to me.
I was working on the float.
- He was always hitting on me.
- You didn't likeJimmy?
Not in that way, you know?
Why did you, uh, shoot Beaver
with the nail gun?
Look, everybody went for a coffee.
I stayed.
Beaver must've been waiting...
'cause he shows up and he's all...
"Come on.
Everybody thinks we're doing it.
You might as well make it official. "
And I've been up all night.
All night, right?
- Working.
- So he moves in closer...
and sticks his tongue right in my mouth.
- That's assault.
- Right. That is assault.
You're right. It's assault.
Go on.
And, you know, I've- I've got this nail gun,
and I just pulled the trigger.
And Beaver falls off the float
onto his back.
And he's hurt. He's hurt...
with this nail sticking out ofhis chest.
And he says, "Pull it out. Pull it out. "
And I say to him, " I've seen on TV,
things like this, you leave it in.
Leave it in. "
But he pulls it out himself.
You're right. And he dies.
Everybody believed that
we were sleeping together.
Maybe they would believe I killed him.
So I put his body in the mascot uniform
before anyone came back.
I have to admit, I'm impressed that
you picked her out of the crowd.
How did you do it?
You're not gonna believe me anyway.
You're just gonna say I guessed.
So have it your way. I guessed.
No. I don't think you're serious.
I'd-I'd like to know what you saw.
What time is the game on?
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.
- You're not comin', are you?
- You really want me to?
Does it matter?
You know, I was going to.
I really was.
But, um, I think you should go alone.
You think it's a good idea
for me to go to India?
Yeah, I do, alone.
Our whole lives, as kids,
I was always standing behind you.
Or you had the navy standing behind you.
But this time, you know,
I think you should stand alone.
- You don't need your big brother. Thanks.
- So, come as a friend.
We both know I'm not your friend.
I'm your big brother.
Yep.
Right.
Right, so, uh,
I got you somethin'.
It's Grandpa's St. Christopher medal.
Oh, no. It's a new one.
I got you that.
- Seeley, it looks like the one Grandpa gave you.
- No.
Grandpa gave me mine
when I was shipped out to the Rangers.
This one I'm giving to you.
The patron saint of travelers.
Kept me safe in Somalia.
Let's hope it does
the same for you in India.
You gotta wear it around your neck.
I don't know, man.
Am I alone if I take a saint with me?
You're not alone.
All right. Hey.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey. Take your jacket.
- Make it the same way?
- Yeah, thanks.
- Also, can I get a- a blended-
- How'd he take it?
Uh, likeJared, meaning I have no idea.
So, um, do you-
Do you really think you have
to be bad to be good?
Yeah, I do.
Mmm.
Well, I've never done anything bad.
- I believe you.
- I mean, I've made mistakes, of course.
- But I've never purposely done anything bad.
- And I believe you.
I don't want my frontal lobe
to be a dried-up raisin.
You know what?
We are gonna do something bad now.
- What?
- Have you ever dined and dashed?
You know the concept, right? We're gonna
run out of here without paying the bill.
No, that-That's stealing.
- That's why they call it bad. We're doing something bad.
- Booth, no.
- You ready?
- No, I can't. Really?
- No. Are you serious?
- Come on. One.
- Two.
- Oh, my God.
- Are you serious?
- Go, go, go, go!
- No! No!
- Go, go!
We're bad! We're bad!
- Get in the car!
- I did that.
Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
- Drunk!
What's that mean?
My name is Greg Harmalard,
and I am here to recruit you!
Whoo!
Tomorrow night,
our noble conference champions...
the Middlesex Archers-
Boing! Boing!
face the desperate and conniving
Forest Lake Otters!
Right about now,
the Otters must be wondering...
where their mascot went.
Lake Forest sucks! Lake Forest sucks!
Lake Forest sucks!
Archers, ready your bows.
Archers, raise your bows.
Archers, aim!
Archers, fire!
Yeah!
Ladies and gentlemen
of Middlesex College...
aim your weapons!
- Oh, yeah!
- Fire at will!
Return fire!
Fire!
What is that thing? 'Cause it looks real.
Oh, my gosh.
What is that thing?
Just got orders from P.D.
Male. Some of
this costume is fused to the remains.
Uh, good morning.
I'm Vernon Warner, dean of students.
Special Agent Seeley Booth.
This here is Dr. Temperance Brennan...
- from theJeffersonian.
- There is a lot of damage to this body.
They had a cannon.
More like a blunderbuss, really...
filled to the brim
with bric-a-brac and shrapnel.
Yeah. Look, I suspect that
this might be a prank.
- A prank?
- Well, it's college, Bones.
I- I suspect that one
of our less reflective frat houses...
may have stolen these remains
from the, uh, medical school.
Beta Delta Sigma.
We got a missing cadaver report yesterday.
I'll tell you what, Bones. When I was
in college, my frat-we stole a cadaver...
dressed it up like Caesar
and put it on the statue of a horse.
Would this, by any chance,
be a fraternity of sociopaths?
But if the Betas did do this,
I will withdraw their certification.
The stolen cadaver was male,
73 years old.
His snowmobile fell through the ice.
Donated his body to science.
Yeah. Snowmobilers and motorcyclists
are our main source of cadavers.
No.
The third molar has not fully erupted.
I'd be surprised if
he was older than mid-20s.
So this is not the missing cadaver?
I think you'll find your missing
medical school cadaver is over there.
- Where?
- Sitting on the bleachers.
He hasn't moved since we got here.
No, that's just campus security.
They're always like that.
- But I'll go check it out.
- So if he is not a stolen cadaver, then, uh-
He wasn't alive when our students
shot him with the cannon, was he?
I won't know cause of death
until I get him back to the lab.
Yeah, she's right. It's your cadaver.
He reeks of formaldehyde.
Okay. Let's get it all
back to theJeffersonian, shall we?
Looks like someone
took a flamethrower to Sasquatch.
Well, this is what
he was supposed to look like.
Someone finally killed a mascot?
- Mr. Vaziri, do you have the X-rays?
- Yes.
I have never seen so many
foreign objects in human remains.
Arrows, marbles, "jack,"
various coins, cutlery.
My best guess is
a nuclear explosion occurred...
just as the victim
entered a 99-cent store.
Well, uh, close.
He was shot by a blunderbuss,
pelted by an angry mob and then burned.
Now, that's what I call team spirit.
I'm a... wisecracking pathologist
with a dark sense of humor.
It was funny. Yeah.
What'd they say?
Dishonorable discharge?
Court-martial convicted me of misuse of
authority and theft of government property.
Come on. No Booth has ever
gotten a dishonorable discharge.
Uh, yeah. No Booth has ever had to save
his brother from an insane kidnapper.
I'm sorry.
I owed you for diggin' me
out of crap my whole life.
Well, you're gonna need a job.
Now, I joined the navy when I was 17.
So a job-That's what civilians
refer to as a duty, right?
Yes. Booth.
Angela identified the boy
in the otter suit.
- Oh, wow. That was quick. Just give me a second.
- Are you talking to me?
No, I'm talking to my brother.
Just give me one minute.
Just do your thing.
I'll catch up with you later.
- Look. Hey, I'll help you find a job.
- What, me?
I save your life, you find me a job?
Yeah, that seems fair.
Yeah, I'm back.
The student walk-in dentist
was able to provide dental records.
I e-mailed you the particulars.
The victim is James Bouvier.
His friends called him Beaver...
- I assume because of his last name, which is Bouvier.
- Yeah, I'm sure that's why.
Although, despite the similar sound...
Bouvier means "ox," not "beaver. "
Beaver is 23 years old and a member
of the Beta Delta Sigma fraternity.
Yeah, that's not a coincidence.
Statistically, given
the size of the campus...
it could be a complete coincidence
that the murdered student...
is also a member of the group of
sociopathic, young male cadaver thieves.
Statistically maybe.
But this is not math class, okay, Bones?
Just meet me at Middlesex College
in 30 minutes.
Don't mention anything about Beaver...
- when you're talking to these people.
- Beaver. Okay.
- What people?
- These people here. They're all potential suspects.
- Got it?
- Okay.
Okay, so, who organized the rally last night?
That would be me and Gary.
That's Greg Harmalard and Gary Bacon.
The bonfire is kind of a tradition.
Me and Gary added the whole
"hanging the enemy mascot" element.
Molly brought in the band...
and took care of letting everyone
know the where and when details.
Um-Well, just an e-mail chain, really.
- Well, whose idea was the blunderbuss?
- Me again.
You have to understand that we had
no idea there was a cadaver in there.
- It's from the med school, right? That's what I heard.
- Okay.
Who stole the otter costume
from Forest Lake?
Um, me, Greg and Dave.
When you stole the costume,
was there anything inside of it?
Nothing. I mean, there was
a dancing acrobat dude, whatever.
But we duct-taped him
to a pole and took the suit.
Where was the costume located
between the time you stole it...
and it was hung on the gallows,
blown up and incinerated?
We just kicked it under here.
This is the homecoming float.
Um, me, Dave and Greg stuffed it
with cafeteria leftovers and plastic bags.
- The head was a cantaloupe.
- Uh, next day, we brought in Dave's dad's truck...
and hung it up,
drove it out to the rally.
So are any of you guys members...
of the Beta Delta Sigma fraternity?
Um, the Betas don't build school spirit.
They tear it down.
So definitely not.
Any of you guys know a guy
by the name ofJimmy Bouvier?
Also known as Beaver.
Um, he's a Beta.
He's got a huge bong.
Beaver's okay.
You know, he's a good-time guy.
He likes to throw up a lot is all I know.
But if anybody was gonna put a cadaver
in an otter costume, it-it'd be Beaver.
I'll bet he was watching everyone
running and screaming last night...
and laughing his ass off.
This is a commemorative pin
from the Chinese Olympics.
It was in what's left
of the victim's liver.
Ball bearing.
All this stuff is extremely common.
Nails, screws, bolts, washers.
- Keys.
- What is this?
My guess- it's a USB drive.
What kind of people do this?
Perforate human remains with
household commonalities and refuse?
Gee, I don't know.
Every bomber who ever lived?
Did you make that comment
simply because I am Muslim?
You serious? Of course.
Timothy McVeigh, Ted Kaczynski...
William Ayers...
Mr. George P. Metesky,
known as the original Mad Bomber.
It seems an insurmountable task, this.
Each of these could have been
the cause of death...
and yet, we would not
be able to trace its-
Trace its-
- What?
- Origin.
- This is a bullet.
- A.22-caliber.
A bullet says "I wish to kill you'"
much more clearly...
than an Olympic pin.
- Can we agree?
- Yeah.
I'm Robert Hooper,
the Beta Delta chapter president.
This is Dalton Abbot. He helped the Beaver
steal the corpse from the med school.
Listen, we don't care about the cadaver.
We just wanna find out who killed your brother.
We agreed before you got here that we'd answer
any and all questions you have truthfully.
Ah. A conspiracy to tell the truth.
Interesting.
Yeah. Eli was the Beaver's frosh.
You know, kind of breaking him in
to the Greek life.
- Mmm. What was Beaver like?
- Beaver was the most popular guy in the house.
No, I asked, "What was he like?"
Not, "Was he liked?"
- Sweets.
- What?
- There's a difference.
- Look.
The Beaver was exactly
like a great guy who everybody liked.
Yeah, he was cool. He was a brother.
What was Beaver's life like
outside of the fraternity?
- Like Eli said, everybody liked him.
- Yeah.
Well, except for the faculty.
He was on academic probation.
But academic probation is the price
you pay for everybody liking you.
Girlfriend? Or is this one of those
"bros before hos" kind of frats?
Beaver was more like a partier.
Well, we do know that Beaver
was with at least one girl.
- Why? What makes you think so?
- Scoreboard.
- What?
- Beaver. One star, one conquest.
Oh-So do the stars here...
represent the number of times
individual members of the fraternity...
completed the sex act,
or the number of girls?
- The second.
- Just curious. Do you also compare penis sizes?
No! Only if we're really drunk
and already naked.
- What? - What? I-
- You're crazy, man.
We agreed to answer
all their questions truthfully.
Dalton Abbot. Very successful according
to this. Compensating for something.
Sweets, stop psychoanalyzing frat life
and just get on with the Beaver questions.
Sure. Of course. But, guys,
wouldn't it be more impressive...
to actually have a single girl want
to have sex with you multiple times...
unless your only objective
it to impress other adolescent males?
- Guys, Beaver's single star.
- Molly Briggs.
- Thank you.
- Guys, we agreed, for the last time.
If Harmalard found out that Beaver
was bouncin' Molly, he'd kill him.
Greg Harmalard?
The-The guy who organized the bonfire?
Yeah. Yeah, Molly's boyfriend.
He's in R.O.T.C.
- They like shooting things.
- Yeah.
They keep track of sexual conquests
with stars on the wall?
- It's emotionally stunted.
- Guys, it's a college fraternity.
They seem like really terrible people.
They're college kids, okay? It's-Their job
description is to be bad. It's what they do.
Yeah, but still, a community of young men
mutually supporting bad decisions.
Look, these kids, they go out into the world.
They're alone.
They have no supervision. They have to be
bad in order to figure out what it is.
Did you know-Scientific fact.
Their frontal lobes are the size of raisins.
- No, that is not a scientific fact.
- What they gotta do...
is build their frontal lobes
with exercise, okay?
- And that comes from doing the wrong thing.
- Okay.
- So your theory is, you gotta be bad to be good?
- Exactly. Facts of life.
So what transmissions
did you get from the brothers?
- Booth, he is not a radio.
- Well, he kind of is. That's why I brought him along, Bones.
What I did observe,
using my eyes and my training...
is that these three frat brothers weren't
actually upset about Beaver's death.
- How do you know?
- Well, real grief comes and goes in waves.
These guys had their faces
set in sadness the whole time.
- They were lying.
- I believe you're just guessing.
Okay. Fine. I'm a magic eight ball.
I think you hurt his feelings.
Did you believe him?
The bullet Arastoo found in
the victim's remains was a. 22-caliber.
- Light and relatively undamaged.
- Low-pressure rimfire cartridge.
Which is consistent with
R.O.T.C. small arms.
So, do you recognize this pistol?
Yes, sir. It's a Beretta U-22 Neos L.R.
with a six-inch barrel.
Ten-round capacity. Low blade front sights
and adjustable rear sights.
I'm in R.O.T.C.
I know my weapons.
Well, you should know this one
particularly well because...
it was last signed out to you.
F.B.I. ballistics has ascertained
that this gun fired this bullet.
- Where'd you find the bullet?
- In Beaver's corpse.
- Beaver's dead?
- He's catching on pretty good.
- Wait. I never shot Beaver.
- Did you fire this gun at the rally?
Yes, sir, I did.
But I loaded it with blanks.
That was Beaver hanging
in the otter mascot outfit?
- He's quite adept at putting the puzzle together.
- Mm-hmm.
- What was Beaver doing in there?
- We were hoping that maybe you could be able to tell us.
Look, I told you,
I loaded the gun with blanks.
- Did you check the chamber?
- I think so.
Well, obviously, you are either careless...
or you intended to fire the bullet.
Or somebody, you know,
sabotaged me.
Beaver had to be hanging up there
for at least an hour before-
No way that Beaver was still alive
when I fired. Right?
I had no idea it was Beaver.
I had no reason to shoot Beaver.
Except for the fact that
he slept with your girlfriend.
Uh, I don't-
I don't wanna sound conceited...
but... look at Beaver,
look at Molly, look at me.
Me and Beaver sexually?
Do I look like a blow-up doll?
Beaver told his fraternal brothers
that he had sex with you.
Yeah, well, he lied.
Look, I'll give you D.N.A.
or whatever you want.
And then you can do me a favor and
broadcast the results across the campus.
Thanks. We don't have anything
to compare her D.N.A. to.
- I have an idea.
- We're gonna collect his sheets off his bed?
Yes. And then we will
check them for D.N. A...
see if he had sexual intercourse
with Molly Briggs.
Right.
Who's gonna check the kid's sheets?
Seems like a bad job to me.
Mm-hmm.
Gentlemen, raise your glasses.
Members of Beta Delta Sigma...
I ask that you form in your mind
your favorite image of our fallen brother...
Jimmy "the Beaver'"Bouvier!
Why are they all wearing bedsheets?
- It's a toga memorial.
- And with that image firm in your mind, I say drink!
Yeah! Beaver!
Excuse me. Did one of you
take the sheets from Beaver's room?
'Cause that room is sealed for evidence,
and you will be prosecuted.
That's a good one, Bones. Now no one's
gonna admit to having Beaver's sheets.
- Then we'll have to take them all.
- You can take mine, pretty lady.
Hey, yeah, yeah.
You heard 'em, boys.
- Give 'em your sheets.
- You can do my laundry.
- Free Willy.
- Little fluff and fold.
- I'll meet you back at the lab, okay?
- Hangin'in the wind.
- Can I- Can I offer you anything, ma'am?
- It's cold.
- Gettin'small.
- No. Mm-mmm.
Huh? What do you think?
It's nice. Not really gonna do you
much good here in the wintertime.
- That's for sure.
- You're always practical, huh, Seeley?
- Listen, I got you a job interview.
- Yeah?
Yeah. An army buddy of mine
up in Pittsburgh...
is looking for someone to head up
his criminal intelligence unit.
- You found me a job in less than 24 hours?
- Just an interview.
- Do you wanna use my car?
- No.
Jared, you can't show up
to a job interview on a bike.
- Seeley, I'm not going to the interview.
- Why?
Because I don't want a job. I'm gonna
take this thing, and I'm goin' on a trip.
- You're goin' on a trip? Where?
- I've always wanted to see India...
without, you know,
spying on Pakistan.
Oh, okay. I see. So you're gonna somehow
get this bike to India, ride it around.
What if it breaks down?
What are you gonna do for parts?
What am I gonna do for parts
if it breaks down in India?
- That's all you have to say?
- You know what? Just go on the interview.
Would you-
You forgot to tell me to get shots
and not to talk to strangers.
So, were you able to match sheets with boys?
Believe me, there was
enough D.N.A. on these sheets...
to paint a very clear picture
of life at Beta Delta Sigma.
For example, these two boys were carrying
on a sexual relationship with each other.
Nah. Those two guys
are sleeping with the same girl.
Although, refreshingly,
not at the same time.
- What about Beaver?
- Oh. Lots and lots of D.N.A.
- All of it his own.
- So there's no D.N. A...
on any of the sheets
that could be Molly Briggs's?
Vaginal contributions were found on eight
of the sets of sheets. None from Molly Briggs.
But Dr. Hodgins did find something more
than semen on Beaver's sheets.
Yeah, I found evidence
of vegetable-based lanol...
assorted liposomes,
Seba-Gel, and micronized estriol.
- Ointment.
- From the stain's position on the sheet and its shape...
which was approximately three inches long
by one and one-quarter inch wide-
- Okay. We get it.
- The substance appears to have transferred...
from the victim's penis
directly to the bedsheet.
Adolescent males will use almost
any available lubricant when masturbating.
- Even estrogen cream?
- A more plausible scenario...
has got Beaver sexing it up
at a different location...
then coming home to his own bed naked.
And I refer again to the imprint.
- Sex with-
- An older woman.
Yeah. Yeah, most likely, menopausal.
- Molly Briggs is 20.
- Also, I finished my autopsy.
And the bullet shot by Greg Harmalard
was definitely not cause of death.
- He was dead when it struck him?
- For at least 12 hours.
- So we still have no cause of death?
- Well, I got a theory.
Kid died of dehydration.
Forgot to replenish his fluids.
Okay, what are we looking for this time?
You know, photos, love notes, uh...
I don't know, fur, gray hair.
Anything that's gonna help us
identify Beaver's cougar.
Beaver, otter, cougar.
This case is like a day at the zoo.
A cougar is an older woman
who prefers younger men.
Wouldn't that indicate that
every woman is a cougar?
Thanks for the insight there, Bones.
Okay.
- What's the, uh, victim's birth date?
- 11-05-89.
I'm Jared's older brother.
He should listen to me.
I could provide you with several societies
where younger brothers are required...
under threat of death to do
what their older brothers tell them.
- I like those societies.
- Well, they're mostly extinct now.
- Did you give me Beaver's birthday the scientific way?
- Day, month, year.
If you want month, day, year,
05-11-89.
Aha! Look at that.
Next time I ask you a question,
just answer it in American. That's all.
Oh. The kid had some cash.
- Maybe he was a drug dealer.
- Hmm.
Ooh. What are those?
Some kind of codebooks?
- You got that right.
- Was our victim some kind of spy?
It's worse.
He was some kind of bookie.
- Well, Booth mostly broke the code.
- That's right.
Column one is initials and nicknames.
Beaver had approximately
50 regular clients.
Column two is the day of the week.
What is the significance of this sequence?
"Foot. Bat. Pig. Dimple. Fish. "
Those are the sports he took bets on.
Football, basketball, baseball, soccer, golf.
Beaver had over $2,000 in his suitcase.
This whole operation generated
$12,000 this year.
Wow. No wonder this kid did not
wanna lose academic standing.
All right.
Now, three of these people-
Zimmer, C.C. and 4x4-
they all owed him
over three grand a piece.
- You think that could be motive?
- I bet those are the three guys Sweets said were faking grief.
Yeah. That is worth looking into.
Okay. I found something else
in his computer.
A month ago, he hacked into
the university's computer system...
and went straight to
the chemistry professor's secure server...
and downloaded the exam.
This guy was a true entrepreneur.
Yeah. It was the third time
he hacked into the chemistry page.
Who was the professor?
Uh, Professor Marlene Twardosh.
Well-
Out of all the damages the victim's remains
suffered from the blunderbuss- 23 fractures-
I discovered only three
that occurred before he died.
Do any of them offer us cause of death?
I think not. Both wrists
sustained compression fractures.
The right radius, the left ulna...
and significant chipping to both
the proximal and distal carpal rows...
and compression of
the lateral epicondyles.
Ouch. What about the third?
Compression fracture here at the coccyx
and the apex of the sacrum.
These injuries appear
to have occurred at the same time.
He fell backwards, tried to break his fall
with his hands stretched behind him.
Dr. Hodgins had an idea of how to figure out
the height from which the victim fell.
Oh. This should be good.
The F.B.I. is investigating student cheating?
Who says America undervalues education?
Did any of your students
do suspiciously well on your last exam?
Starting with James Bouvier.
Beaver has never done suspiciously well
at anything, Agent Booth.
He was about to be expelled
because he failed my course.
Did he show any signs that
he wanted to do any better?
You mean begging for mercy or offering
bribes and sexual favors? That sort of thing?
- Do you use an estrogen cream?
- No.
I make do with the meager hormones
I produce naturally.
- Why?
- Did you have sexual intercourse with Beaver?
- What are you-
- I was joking about the sexual favors.
Also about the bribes?
My God, you people are humorless.
Five students failed this exam.
- It was a tough exam.
- They got exactly the same score- 37%.
- What are the chances of that?
- I teach chemistry.
You'll have to ask
Professor DeWitt in Statistics.
But the same five students did extremely
well on the two tests preceding this one.
- Bones, what are you gettin' at?
- I believe Professor Twardosh...
realized that these students
had stolen her tests in the past.
And instead of informing the university,
she planted a fake test online.
- To turn her students in?
- No.
That would result in hearings and excuses
and tears and parents. I hate parents.
Look, your college experience was with
professors. Mine was with students and jocks.
- What are you gettin'at here?
- Well, I believe Professor Twardosh took revenge...
against unethical students
who had no respect for knowledge.
- And you approve?
- Yes, I do.
Beaver was obviously an emerging criminal.
Thank you. I may need you...
to testify at my termination hearing
when the university finds out.
- Can I ask you one question? What floor is your office on?
- The third floor.
- Over grass?
- Over flagstones.
On my bad days, I consider jumping.
You're a forensic anthropologist, correct?
- Would it kill me?
- No, Professor Twardosh.
It would probably just break
a few bones.
- That's good to know.
- Mmm.
So I checked out the nicknames
of the kids who owed Beaver money.
Are those the guys you picked out
as not being sad he was dead?
Uh, yeah.
You're walking pretty fast.
Uh- So any of those three frat guys
set off your psycho-killer alarm?
No, no, no. They display a fairly banal mix
of social awkwardness...
narcissism, inappropriate fantasies.
- All within the normal range.
- Even the R.O.T.C. guy?
Well, like most overachievers,
he displays a slight Oedipal neurosis.
- Will you share with me why you're so agitated?
- You know what?
My brotherJared is ruining his life.
Oh. He's drinking again?
No. I'm pretty sure he was dried out
before his court-martial.
Then why the recent urge to self-destruct?
I set up a perfectly
great job interview for him.
But instead, you know
what he decides to do?
He wants to just travel across India
on his motorcycle.
Yeah, that's right. Talk about
a narcissistic dependence on stupidity.
Mm-hmm. You or him?
This is exactly why I don't talk to you
about these kind of things.
Okay. I'm gonna suggest that
you're jealous of your brother's decision.
- I don't want to go to India.
- Well, you feel trapped here by your responsible nature.
- Your job, your interpersonal relations.
- What?
Whereas Jared is completely free.
I am free. I am free as a bird.
Free to do whatever I want.
Yeah, but what you're not free to do
is control your brother's life.
ControlJared.
Good luck with that one.
Well, it's not for a lack of trying.
You could always get a motorbike
and go with him.
A "motorbike. " A motorbike is used for
people who deliver pizzas in Amsterdam.
You know, India is large.
It's vast. Get a motorcycle.
Right.
I'd get an American motorcycle.
This dummy is exactly
the same weight as the victim, correct?
69.853 kilograms, yes.
And why are we the only ones here?
Oh, I, uh, asked everyone to leave.
Okay, now, I have installed four sensors
in the wrists and in the back of the spine.
So we should be able to gauge the height
from which the victim fell...
to within a few centimeters
after only a few trials.
Why did you ask everyone to leave?
Are we doing something shameful?
No, it's just- Last time I dropped
something from up there...
it bounced and injured An-
innocent bystander.
But nobody's here this time.
So-
- Coccyx test number one. Dr. Jack Hodgins supervising.
- No.
- No, no, no. Uh- No.
- But-
- No, no.
- It-
Stop. This is an unnecessary experiment.
The height of the fall
can be calculated mathematically.
Th-That is true.
But I decided to humor Dr. Hodgins...
so we could bond over a project.
- Why do you need to bond?
- He mistrusts Muslims.
Go grab a beer together.
But I am saying no to this experiment.
Yeah. I got that during the part where
you said "no" seven times in a row.
I find that you don't pay attention
to the first six.
He can't drink beer.
He's Muslim!
All right.
Hodgins and Arastoo have an estimate
of how far the victim fell.
1.37 meters onto a hard surface.
- You know what this means, don't you?
- Yep.
Dr. Brennan's gonna stare at the bones
until they speak to her.
So "rock, paper, scissors"
to see who stays to babysit her?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yes!
- Best two out of three.
Damn.
#I'm keepin'up, keepin'up #
# With the time-lapse lifeline #
# And they can run
they can run #
# From the farm to the last ride #
# And we can hear
we can hear#
# The first beat to the flatline #
# I'm keeping up, keeping up #
# With the time-lapse lifeline #
# And once it's done #
# Oh, we dreamed a life #
- # It was just like that #
- Cam?
# Was just like that #
Booth will want to know. I found cause of death.
All right.
- Professor Twardosh was not Beaver's sex partner.
- Okay. Did anyone think that?
- Honestly? Because I did not.
- Booth believes that the cringe factor was too high...
even though cringe factor
is not a valid mathematical construct.
Believe me, it is. Okay?
So the three boys that owe Beaver
the money all have alibis.
Four people bought the bogus exam
from Beaver, all members of the golf team.
At the time of his death though, they were
at a tournament in North Carolina.
Great. So all we know now is that, uh,
golfers cheat a lot.
We know that Beaver was killed
by being stabbed in the chest.
A very small hole.
Perhaps an ice pick. Punctured his aorta.
- He bled to death internally.
- We also know that shortly before he died...
he fell backward 1.37 meters,
fracturing his wrists and his coccyx.
Okay. So he was stabbed, and
he fell backwards. That makes sense.
Something's bothering me about this.
I went through that kid's computer...
and there's absolutely no indication
that he had the skill...
to hack into the
university's secure server.
Yeah, well, he probably got
his fraternity brothers to hack in for him.
Well, Mr. Vaziri and I will figure out
exactly what weapon killed Beaver.
- Great.
- Well, what are you going to do?
- Uh, something personal.
- What?
Personal. Personal means personal,
you know? Not for the public.
Well, I'm- I'm not the public.
You know the roads suck in India
when they're dry, right?
And-And they turn into rivers
when the monsoons come.
I'll tell you what.
Trucks don't even give way to anyone.
Will you give the lifeguard thing a rest,
Seeley? All right?
The State Department has advised
that there is a heightened security concern...
for anyone traveling alone in India.
Then come with me. I mean, that way,
you can watch over me every minute.
You know, everywhere you've gone,
you've always had the full might...
of the United States government
behind you.
Yeah, I know. I know.
You were a frontline guy, a fire-eater...
- and I was just some rear echelon wimp.
- I never said that.
You're so worried, come along.
Then, I'll have the full might
of Seeley Booth behind me.
Seriously?
I didn't think you were serious.
I wasn't when I said it.
But now I am.
- Yeah. I'm serious.
- You want me to come to India with you?
Ball's in your court, brother.
I'm a freshman pledge. Beaver was
kind of like my mentor in the fraternity.
When Beaver, uh, your mentor...
asked you to hack into
Professor Twardosh's files...
to steal tests, what did you think?
At first, I said no.
But you know what?
- Beaver was your brother.
- That's right.
He was a brother
who was on academic probation.
I mean, he was gonna get expelled
if he didn't pass the chem course.
Plus, I know it may not
have looked like it from the outside...
but Beaver was a great guy.
So I had to help him.
Our computer expert said that some info
was erased from Beaver's hard drive.
Erased by someone who knew
what they were doing.
That was me too. J PEG files.
I think about 30 of them.
- Digital photographs?
- Yeah.
I- I didn't see any of them.
But before I permanently deleted them...
Beaver had asked me to put
four specific ones onto a USB drive.
So I did.
Look.
I told you everything, okay?
But if my college finds out
that I hacked into the chem test...
they're gonna kick me to the curb.
Okay? They don't care about brothers.
Well, I care about brothers
who are great guys, Eli.
But, more importantly,
I report to the F.B. I...
not Middlesex College.
Thanks.
Hey, what do you got?
We found the hacker, who told Sweets...
he put some very sensitive images
on a USB for Beaver.
A damaged USB drive
was amongst the shrapnel...
that Mr. Vaziri removed from the remains.
There are fourJ PEG files on this drive,
and two of them are total goners.
But here's what I got from number three.
Concentrate. That looks like a face.
Yep, that's Beaver.
- Is he being tortured?
- Not exactly.
Yeah, that's a sex face, Bones. Can you pull up
anything else and see who he's with?
No.
But this one's almost done.
- Whoa.
- Is that a cougar?
- She could be in her 40s.
- Okay, print it.
- We'll see which member of
the faculty this one is.
There is no accelerated compression
of the bone around the wound.
So the shaft of the weapon
was uniform in thickness.
If there were no lip on the outside...
then we'd know it was a projectile
that caused the wound.
Yes.
A one-way trip, so to speak.
But since there was a lip, we know it was
a return trip for the weapon-
into the aorta and back.
As the weapon entered...
it was going substantially faster
than when it was withdrawn.
A shaft of consistent width.
Someone hammered a nail into the victim,
then pulled it out?
No. Not hammered, Mr. Vaziri.
Shot.
A nail gun.
A nail gun.
Recognize this woman, Dean Warner?
Yes, I know this woman.
- Where'd you get the photo?
- Off the victim's computer.
Who is she?
Her name is Meredith Warner.
She's my wife.
We've been trying to track down your wife.
- Guess what?
- It's been a week since anyone saw her.
You think I killed my wife
and James Bouvier?
- Have you seen the photographs before?
- Yes, just over a week ago...
which is when I suggested
to Meredith that...
it was a good time for her
to visit her sister in Toronto.
Mm-hmm.
Why was it a good time?
Because the boy threatened
to put the photos of them together...
all over the Internet
if I didn't let him stay in school.
Beaver failed his chemistry test.
You were going to expel him.
Yeah. I, uh, declined to be blackmailed.
Did the photos ever appear
on the Internet?
They did not.
Is that because you killed Beaver?
I have nothing more to say to you except
that I did not kill the boy.
I'm even a little sorry that he's dead.
So either arrest me
and let me call my lawyer, or let me go.
Okay. Vernon Warner, I am placing you
under arrest for the murder ofJames Bouvier.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court oflaw.
You have the right to remain silent.
It doesn't make sense. I mean, logically,
I mean, it doesn't make sense.
- Yeah, I know.
- What? The dean kills the kid with a nail gun...
and then places him in the mascot costume
that's full of leftovers?
- I know. It doesn't make sense.
- No-That's what I said.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying too.
It doesn't make sense.
Why did you arrest him?
He pissed me off, you know? Instead of
helping us, he starts screaming for a lawyer.
Jared wants me to go to India with him.
- Indiana?
- India, okay?
Taj Mahal, cows, tigers, cobras,
Slumdog Millionaire.
Y- I know. Are you going?
We don't like each other.
- So... not going?
- Well, I mean, he's my brother, so I love him.
- I'm confused. You are going?
- I mean, Jared should not go to India alone.
He'll get into all kinds of trouble.
You said he's never been alone.
Exactly. You know what?
He'll be eaten alive.
Well, if you go with him,
then he won't be alone.
You won't let him be bad, and his frontal lobe
will always be the size of a raisin.
Well, that's what you said.
Makes no scientific sense.
Yeah, you said. Got it.
I did an inventory of the nails
found in the victim's body.
- There were 36.
- Arastoo, we know the nail...
that pierced the aorta
was pulled out of the victim.
Yes. But I thought perhaps
the killer didn't throw it away.
Perhaps he simply left it on the body.
- One never knows.
- One never does.
I examined the nails
very carefully for marks...
that would confirm
it was shot from a nail gun.
A nail gun leaves distinctive marks.
Not from the hammering mechanism,
you understand...
but from the reloading mechanism.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Well, Dr. Brennan said...
to be especially polite to you
when the science was difficult.
- How stupid do you people think I am?
- Booth?
- Yeah?
- Do you recognize this nail?
Whoa.
Hey.
#I've been on the edge of my chair#
What?
# Waiting for circumstance #
# To be kind #
She's the one you want.
Beaver came up to me.
I was working on the float.
- He was always hitting on me.
- You didn't likeJimmy?
Not in that way, you know?
Why did you, uh, shoot Beaver
with the nail gun?
Look, everybody went for a coffee.
I stayed.
Beaver must've been waiting...
'cause he shows up and he's all...
"Come on.
Everybody thinks we're doing it.
You might as well make it official. "
And I've been up all night.
All night, right?
- Working.
- So he moves in closer...
and sticks his tongue right in my mouth.
- That's assault.
- Right. That is assault.
You're right. It's assault.
Go on.
And, you know, I've- I've got this nail gun,
and I just pulled the trigger.
And Beaver falls off the float
onto his back.
And he's hurt. He's hurt...
with this nail sticking out ofhis chest.
And he says, "Pull it out. Pull it out. "
And I say to him, " I've seen on TV,
things like this, you leave it in.
Leave it in. "
But he pulls it out himself.
You're right. And he dies.
Everybody believed that
we were sleeping together.
Maybe they would believe I killed him.
So I put his body in the mascot uniform
before anyone came back.
I have to admit, I'm impressed that
you picked her out of the crowd.
How did you do it?
You're not gonna believe me anyway.
You're just gonna say I guessed.
So have it your way. I guessed.
No. I don't think you're serious.
I'd-I'd like to know what you saw.
What time is the game on?
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.
- You're not comin', are you?
- You really want me to?
Does it matter?
You know, I was going to.
I really was.
But, um, I think you should go alone.
You think it's a good idea
for me to go to India?
Yeah, I do, alone.
Our whole lives, as kids,
I was always standing behind you.
Or you had the navy standing behind you.
But this time, you know,
I think you should stand alone.
- You don't need your big brother. Thanks.
- So, come as a friend.
We both know I'm not your friend.
I'm your big brother.
Yep.
Right.
Right, so, uh,
I got you somethin'.
It's Grandpa's St. Christopher medal.
Oh, no. It's a new one.
I got you that.
- Seeley, it looks like the one Grandpa gave you.
- No.
Grandpa gave me mine
when I was shipped out to the Rangers.
This one I'm giving to you.
The patron saint of travelers.
Kept me safe in Somalia.
Let's hope it does
the same for you in India.
You gotta wear it around your neck.
I don't know, man.
Am I alone if I take a saint with me?
You're not alone.
All right. Hey.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey. Take your jacket.
- Make it the same way?
- Yeah, thanks.
- Also, can I get a- a blended-
- How'd he take it?
Uh, likeJared, meaning I have no idea.
So, um, do you-
Do you really think you have
to be bad to be good?
Yeah, I do.
Mmm.
Well, I've never done anything bad.
- I believe you.
- I mean, I've made mistakes, of course.
- But I've never purposely done anything bad.
- And I believe you.
I don't want my frontal lobe
to be a dried-up raisin.
You know what?
We are gonna do something bad now.
- What?
- Have you ever dined and dashed?
You know the concept, right? We're gonna
run out of here without paying the bill.
No, that-That's stealing.
- That's why they call it bad. We're doing something bad.
- Booth, no.
- You ready?
- No, I can't. Really?
- No. Are you serious?
- Come on. One.
- Two.
- Oh, my God.
- Are you serious?
- Go, go, go, go!
- No! No!
- Go, go!
We're bad! We're bad!
- Get in the car!
- I did that.
Whoo!
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
- Drunk!
What's that mean?