Bones (2005–2017): Season 3, Episode 5 - Mummy in the Maze - full transcript

Come, my brave children, to
the hideous Halloween maze.

Avoid the creepies and the crawlies
that live in every dark corner of the maze.

And the first one to reach
the center and emerge alive...

will win the grand prize.

- Oh, here we go!
-

♪♪

Where am I?

Help! I'm lost!
Somebody help me!

♪ No excuse, no excuse ♪

♪ What's that
coming over the hill ♪

♪ Is it a monster ♪



♪ What's that coming
over the hill ♪♪

Right this way, guys.

Now that is an excellent
costume. What are you wearing?

What? Now? No, not now. To
the Jeffersonian Halloween Ball.

What I always wear.
Are you going this year?

I'm the official unofficial F.B.I.
liaison to the Jeffersonian.

Of course I'm going. We
just passed the Wolf Man.

Head straight towards
the guillotine and veer left.

- It's a maze. What can I do?
- Dr. Potoska, how were
the remains discovered?

A kid passed out.
What killed him?

Oh, the kid didn't die. He just
fainted. Well, then why am I here?

When Matty fainted, I
was here with my own kids.

I'm a pediatrician, but I'm also
the coroner. Oh, small town.

Matty revived easily enough. He's
what you call a nervous-type kid.



But then I saw what it was that
made him faint in the first place,

and I almost fainted, too,
because it was a mummy.

Which I told the sheriff, who called
the F.B.I., who called the Jeffersonian.

And now here we are lost in this
stupid maze looking for the mummy.

- A mummy?
- Yeah, I do not see
a guillotine.

What would you call that? Oh.

Um, a cowboy?
No. It's a scarecrow.

Look, just keep turning to the right.
Let me know when you reach the dragon.

Uh, dead end, with teeth.

That's because you turned left at the
goblin. You're supposed to turn right.

Look, when you say a
mummy, you mean, uh...

Wrapped in bandages, curse
of King Tut. You know, mummy.

No offense, but I'm not certain
a pediatrician is qualified...

Pediatrician and
coroner. See that? Yeah.

Okay, we are at
the electric chair.

There's an electric chair?

Look, just tell the guy to throw
his flashlight up in the air, will ya?

Uh, the F.B.I. requests that you
toss your flashlight into the air.

10-4.

- There it is.
- Let's see if we can get
there this way.

Guys.

After you.

Oh!

What do you think, Bones?

Well, ocular contents dry,

orbits collapsed, leathery skin.

- These are actual
human remains.
- A mummy.

- How long will it take
to get out of this maze?
- Not as long as you might think.

Huh.

It takes a steady
flow of dry air...

over a long period of time to achieve
this kind of desiccated mummification.

The Incan ice woman of Peru.
The Tarim Basin mummies of China.

The peat bog Tollunda
Man in Denmark.

- How old are we talking?
- Buttons, zipper, rivets. She's probably wearing jeans.

So freakazoid murder mummification
rather than fascinating history?

- She?
- Shape of the innominate bone
indicates female.

Now listen, boys. Jeffersonian
Halloween party... it's compulsory.

Donors, patrons,
angels, benefactors.

So we all show up in costume and do our
duty. I don't want any argument on this.

- I will be the back end
of a cow.
- So, no costume?

Naomi from Paleontology
has agreed to be my front.

Oh, so many jokes,
so little time. It's fine.

We're all in. I'll be Edward
John Smith for Halloween.

Ill-fated captain
of the Titanic.

What about Angela
and Dr. Brennan?

Dr. Brennan always wears the same
costume to these things. She loves it.

Help me remove these.

Oof! What's with
the smell? Cedar oil?

- Also used in mummification.
- - What about this clear coating over the skin?

Lacquer. She was
painted to death?

Her clothing came from
a church-run thrift store.

How could you
possibly know that?

There is no bug or slime
specific to church thrift stores.

You don't know that.
I'm the bug and slime guy.

You're just the auxiliary bone guy who
dresses up like the back end of a cow.

Hodgins?

"Free Church of America
Thrift Store," huh? Tell Booth.

- I knew it wasn't bugs or slime.
- No, you didn't.

And that's what makes
me king of the lab!

A loyal servant of the empress.

Clothes from this ministry
were found on a dead body?

Well, I'm afraid that
happens fairly often.

Why? Because we're a
charitable congregation.

Homeless people know that we'll
provide them with what they need.

Do you by any chance remember
these specific pieces of clothing?

- This is from
your murder victim?
- Mm-hmm.

Pastor Jonas? Do you
have anything like this in red?

- You're looking for something
that screams Satan, right?
- Basically.

I think we have a pink cape in
the back. Maybe we could dye it.

What kind of church
dresses kids like satanists?

Let me show you. At
Halloween, we do a "Hell House."

Fornication, Theft,
Murder, Gambling,

Usury, Sodomy, Abortion.

That's kind of
horrific, isn't it?

Well, abandoning the path of
righteousness is horrific, Dr. Brennan.

This is our way of remaking
a pagan holiday, Halloween,

into a positive celebration
of Christian values.

- Excellent prostitute,
Stephanie.
- Thank you.

- Anyone ever dress like a mummy?
- We've never featured
a False Idol room.

Though now you mention
it, it's not a bad idea.

Ancient Egyptian religious beliefs
endured for almost 4,000 years,

twice the length
of Christianity.

- Any of your kids
suddenly disappear?
- Mmm, no.

What if the children that you save from
abortion grow up to be users and sodomites?

I don't respond to mocking
semantics, Dr. Brennan.

- Nor do I. But she's serious.
- In that case,

my serious answer would be that
in being given a chance to live a life,

the aborted soul will have a
multitude of opportunities...

to repent for their sins and
live bathed in the Holy Spirit.

Thank you.

- Thank you?
- You're welcome.

My name is Amber Kippler. I'm a senior
investigator with Doyley Private Investigations.

Mr. Doyley assured me he'd
be taking a personal interest...

in the search for Miss
Montenegro's husband.

Interest, yes. But I'll be
doing the actual footwork.

Mr. Doyley is taking a very personal
interest, only not from up close.

Do you have a lot of
experience with this kind of work?

Angela Montenegro
is not your birth name.

You changed your name on your 18th
birthday because it came to you in a dream.

Uh...

You never told me that.
I never told anybody that.

If I can discover something nobody knew about
a client I'm not being paid to investigate,

imagine what I can
do for real. Good point.

- I never told anybody
about that.
- Yes, you did actually.

A girl named Roxy, whose heart
you broke in second-year art school.

Oh. Roxy.

Wow! What do you know about me?

Wouldn't it be better if we got
to Miss Montenegro's husband?

Grayson "Birimbau" Barasa?

You found something? I
found the actual human man.

In Florida in the Keys. No
Name Key... very remote.

- Did you talk to him?
- Absolutely not.

- Why?
- My instructions were to locate.

That being achieved, we
can now discuss contact.

- We want you to contact him.
- And get him to sign
the divorce papers.

By "get him," do you mean...

- Force him to sign them?
- If necessary. Do you have a gun?

Or just remind him of who
I am and ask him politely.

What are you? Canadian?

We'll do this one
step at a time.

Didn't that pastor guy
make you mad? No.

He's a fundamentalist. I
appreciate consistency.

The consistency of trying to
scare kids into Christianity?

How do we keep kids from smoking?
We tell them it gives them cancer.

It does give them cancer.
According to science.

You know, that's all you
care about is science.

In the end, even someone who
believes in empiricism and science...

has to take a leap of faith.

What? I believe in what I can
hear, taste, see, touch and measure.

You believe in what you feel.

Pastor Jonas believes that God
speaks to him through a sacred book.

I feel like we're on the wrong
side of the argument here.

Oh, it's Cam. What's up?

- I really need you
to come back.
- What's going on?

I got a couple here says they think the
mummy in the maze is their daughter.

Well, that'll save us
some time on identification.

Their daughter only
disappeared last week.

The remains we found are at least a
year old. Look, I'm great with corpses.

But when it comes to loved ones, let's just say
there's a reason why I'm not a pediatrician.

- So, if you've got a siren,
turn it on.
- Right.

Megan is 14. She
didn't run away.

- Something terrible happened.
- She's a very pretty girl.

What makes you think the
remains we found are your daughter?

The news said that you found the
body of a teenage girl in a fun house.

- I suddenly knew it was Megan.
- Suddenly knew?

Mr. and Mrs. Shaw, it wasn't
a fun house. It was a maze.

And the remains we found
are more than a year old.

- You're certain?
- Yes.

Oh, I see.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

I don't understand why you're disappointed.
Your daughter might still be alive.

- Megan is not still alive.
- How are you so certain?

I just am. I can't
explain it. I'm her mother.

- I'm sorry. Does this face - mean anything to you?
- No.

Does she have something
to do with Megan?

This is the girl that
we found in the maze.

Definitely not Megan.

Yes? Dr. Brennan,

another mummy's been found
at Shoreline Amusement Park.

Perhaps the fact that Megan
Shaw disappeared from here...

and there's another
mummy here is a coincidence.

Fact, Bones. There are no
coincidences in a murder investigation.

You do know the strict definition of a
fact? It's not the same as a funny feeling.

Just because somebody says they saw
a mummy doesn't mean they actually did.

I know what I saw. Keep
the mask on, please, ma'am.

- What's wrong with her?
- Anxiety attack brought on
by this dungeon here.

I spend half my
time on these calls.

You know it's not real, right? You're
overreacting to an excessive amount of stimuli.

Keep the mask in place, ma'am.

Plus you should
lose some weight.

- Uh, ma'am?
- Bones, a little compassion.

I'm not overreacting.
There's a dead body in there.

Um, a thousand
of them to be exact.

There's a real one. I'm a nurse. Trust
me. I know a dead body when I see one.

- Did you see anything?
- Not much time for that.

- Just went in, got her,
got her out.
- Great.

What did you see? A
corpse, past the killer clown.

Clown?

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- You sure?
- Sure.

Come on. Just... clown.

What's wrong?

Um, the... the phone rang.
It's Cam. Phone's ringing.

- Coulrophobia.
- Uh...

The fear of clowns.
Coulrophobia.

It might explain why you
shot that clown last year.

Look, I have no problems with
clowns. I can stand right here. See?

Uh-huh. And the phone. Booth.

We got an I.D. on our maze
victim off of Angela's sketch.

Great. Details to follow. I
think you want to hear this now.

Name: Stella
Higgins, 15 years old.

- Disappeared a year ago today.
- What's she saying?

I.D. and date of disappearance
of our maze victim. Booth.

Stella was last seen at
Shoreline Amusement Park. Wow.

What "wow"? More
coincidences. Uh, thanks.

The maze victim
disappeared from here.

So we just go
right past the clown.

I can walk right past the
clown like she said. Just right...

Torture dungeon.

Yeah, okay. Clown
scary, not you.

Oh, geez. You're
kidding me, right?

Oh, look at the eye, huh?

It's a Ping-Pong ball.

Not this one.

How do you know?

Human remains, Booth.
It's sort of my specialty.

This is a dead person.

Okay. The first thing Booth needs
to know is if this is Megan Shaw.

- It is not Megan Shaw.
- I agree.

It would be impossible to mummify a body
like this in just a little more than a week.

Dental records do not match. Lacquer and
cedar oil. Looks like the same murderer.

- That's leaping to a conclusion.
- I said "looks like," Zack. Looks like is not leaping.

Her phalanges,
fingers are damaged.

Metacarpals are... cracked.

You've seen something
like this before?

In Iraq, there were some
remains. They'd been buried alive.

- This person was buried alive?
- I'm not comfortable...

It looks like this person
was buried alive, correct?

The tattoo on the second victim's shoulder
matches that of Judith Suzanne Evans.

Sixteen when she went missing.

How long ago? Two
years almost to the day.

From? Shoreline Amusement Park.

She was there with her big
sister and a couple of her friends.

Skin and hair removed from beneath Stella's
fingernails turns out to be her own.

Also, the lacquer used on both the victims
is completely generic. It's widely available.

- She pulled out her own hair?
- What makes somebody do that?

There are small puncture
marks, hundreds of them,

all over her body, like
insect bites, but larger.

In both cases, the lacquer was
infused with a number of particulates,

including a spore
I'm trying to identify.

Are you ready to admit that
it looks like both these girls...

were killed and mummified
by the same person?

- I'm not prepared...
- To jump to that conclusion.

Come on. You
expect me to know...

when one body appeared in a pile
of bodies? That's not reasonable.

An actual genuine corpse
appears and you don't notice?

The place is called "Dungeon
of a Thousand Corpses."

Which is exactly why an entire F.B.I.
forensics team is sweeping this facility.

Facility? This hole
counts as a facility?

I know you. No.

- Yeah. You were at the maze
the other night. Same costume.
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You're just recalling
that, huh? What's your name?

- Greg.
- Little hint.

F.B.I. asks for your name,
you give the whole name.

His name's Greg Liscombe.
He's worked here three years.

You're not supposed to wear
the costume to other gigs, dude.

- Dilutes the effect.
- All the other bodies
are fakes, Agent Booth.

- We'll just keep the entire
fun house as a crime scene.
- Yes, sir.

- In that case,
can I send my people home?
- Oh, no.

All your people gotta talk to my
people. And you're coming with me.

- Why?
- Two places with dead bodies,

and you're standing in a doorway
dressed as the grim reaper.

It's my job, man. It's not
like I adopt the persona.

Don't say anything
without a lawyer, Greg.

Tell you what else. Greg's
got the keys to the place.

Shut up, Dan! He's got keys too. And
so does cleaning crew and park security.

Wow. How about
you? You got keys?

I've got nothing else to
say without a lawyer present.

Okay, that's great, Pin Cushion, because
you were practically invisible... until now.

Now you're bucking
as number one suspect.

Judith Evans, age 16.

Our victim from the Dungeon
of a Thousand Corpses.

I've identified stress fractures to both tibias
as well as tears to the medial collateral...

and anterior cruciate
ligaments in both knees.

Catcher's knee.

There's nothing in the bio about
Judith Evans being a baseball player.

Compressions to vertebrae C1 through C7
indicate that her neck was bent, like this.

But forced.

I am not liking the picture
that's forming inside my head.

Phalanges cracked and her fingernails
shredded, her head forced that way.

Her knees jammed
up against her chest.

Do I think Judith
Evans was buried alive?

I, uh... I have another bad
image of how Stella Higgins died.

- Spiders.
- Spiders?

Tarantulas, to be specific.
Poisonous spiders?

Well, that's a common
misconception.

Though the lack of poison doesn't
make the bite any less painful.

This is an urticating hair
from the Theraphosinae family.

- It appears to be barbed.
- Yeah. It's very irritating. Hey, a little-known fact.

Tarantula hair was the main
ingredient in itching powder for decades.

Is there any correlation
between these hairs and the fact...

that Stella Higgins scratched herself
so badly and pulled out her own hair?

She's bitten all over. There had to be
dozens of tarantulas on her. So, yeah.

There's a correlation. Now I was
operating under the assumption...

that the mysterious spore
was transported by the tarantula.

But I was wrong.
How do you know?

Because there's no tarantula
hairs on Judith Evans,

but plenty of the
spores and particulates.

She has carcinogenic
dibenzopyrene isomers, asbestos,

polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons,
manganese and barium.

- And steel dust.
- Which adds up to...

- Internal combustion engines.
- Traffic. Except for the steel dust.

I have no clue
about the steel dust.

Well, Stella's tox results
show chloroform, ephedrine,

theophylline, clonidine,
and methamphetamine.

Judith's remains show trace evidences of the
same compounds but in different concentrations.

Ephedrine is
synthetic adrenaline.

Most of those are
heavy stimulants.

Their metabolisms would race, heart
rates would accelerate dangerously.

Spiders. Live burial.

Drug-induced panic.

Is our murderer literally
scaring girls to death?

I always felt somehow that Judy
was still alive, even after two years.

It's crazy, huh?
Probably guilt, right?

For letting my little
sister out of my sight?

- Look, you can't blame yourself.
- Did my sister suffer?

We got the best people in the world figuring
out exactly what happened that night.

So, you and your sister went to
the amusement park together?

It's kind of the thing
to do on Halloween.

My mom made me
take her. I didn't want to.

I mean, I loved Judy... But she
was your kid sister. Pain in the ass?

She made me take Judy
even though I didn't want to.

And Mom never got over that.
How did you and Judy get separated?

Judy got scared. She didn't
want to go in the fun house.

- Why?
- There was this huge monster
above the door.

Judy freaked. She said go
ahead. She'd wait outside.

Judy was
claustrophobic. How bad?

Pretty bad. She wigged out
when we were driving down.

There were six of us jammed in a car. We
had to stop and let her out a couple times.

Do you remember if there was a
grim reaper that night at the entrance?

- Yeah, there was.
- That be him?

Yeah. When we came out looking for Judy,
he told us she'd taken off with some guy.

The police could
never confirm that.

Registered sex offender
who was present...

at two places where the
remains of young girls were found.

- Coincidence.
- Statistically improbable.

Scientifically improbable. But
in the real world, impossible.

Do you recognize
these two girls?

Man, every girl that comes in there
talks to me. I don't remember them.

- Why does every girl
talk to you?
- 'Cause I'm cute, scary.

You do pretty well with the
teenage girls, don't you, Gregory?

You get 'em all tingly? All
right. That sex offender thing?

It's a joke, man. Look it up. I got drunk
and I took a leak in a public fountain.

We did. There was a group of schoolgirls
on the other side of that fountain.

Four times you've been caught with
your pants down, all around teenage girls.

Coincidence? Two years ago, you told this
girl's sister that she took off with some guy.

Do you remember her?

Yeah, sure. It's the
girl who disappeared.

The thing about you guys, you're
all the same. You sniff each other out.

Who was the guy?

Judith Evans disappeared
October 24, two years ago.

Stella Higgins, one year
ago, a week before Halloween.

- So?
- So Megan Shaw vanished
from the same place.

You can see the common
element here, can't you, Greg?

You. Coincidence.

There are no coincidences
in a murder investigation.

Well, it's got nothing
to do with me. Ow!

Geez, you can't do
that... Did you see that?

Hey, Megan Shaw was 14 years old.
You understand me? Who was the guy?

- Oh! Geez!
- Good shot, Bones.

- Thanks.
- There was no guy! It was Lola!

Lola? The girl with
the piercings? Yeah.

What the hell were you doing
with her? It's not what you think.

The girls come with me. Maybe
we get it on a little. Lola likes that.

Your girlfriend likes to
see you with little girls?

She likes to interrupt. You know,
maybe smack 'em around a little?

- Smack around?
- Yeah.

It gets Lola hot
for us, for later.

Look, sometimes maybe
she goes a little too far.

How did you get to and from a
remote nameless Florida key so fast?

It does have a name. Its name is No
Name Key. Your confusion is natural.

Uh, did you talk to my husband?

Mr. Barasa was very pleasant.
Very pleasant. I mean, wow!

He smells exactly like a fresh
wind just after a summer storm.

You smelled him?

Part of the private
investigator credo, Dr. Hodgins.

- Ensure that the client... That's you.
- And him.

- I'm paying.
- The credo says make sure
the client...

is committed to their
objective at each step.

Ergo, a fresh wind after
a summer storm reminder.

Despite the storm,
I want a divorce.

In that case, the
news is disappointing.

Mr. Barasa was nice,
but adamant. No divorce.

Was it because he doesn't
remember getting married?

Mr. Barasa totally
remembers everything.

He built this for you. A house.

A shack!

A whimsical cottage.

It's darling.

He built a house... for me?

Okay, let's be
honest. It's a shanty.

Here's what Mr. Barasa said,
100% verbatim, word-for-word.

- Verbatim means word-for-word.
- What?

- You sort of said it twice.
- Hodgins.

I quote literally to the letter.

"Ever has it been that love does not know
its own depth until the pain of separation."

Wow. The guy
writes poetry. Please!

He was talking about
you, Miss Montenegro,

with tears in his eyes.
He should get a grip.

What would you
like me to do next?

What are we gonna do here, Ange?

This guy built you a
house. He cried a little bit.

He smelled like a fresh
wind after a summer storm.

And you can practically see the lights
of Havana from the porch of that cottage.

I want a divorce.

If I'm gonna shack up
with anybody, it's this guy.

We're gonna discuss this
between ourselves, Miss Kippler.

- Let you know how
we want to proceed.
- Okay.

Did I mention he's the most
beautiful man I've ever seen?

Don't blame me.

P.I. code. Keep it real.

Girl Lola gets off
on inflicting pain.

We gonna hit her too?
No. Not with a closed fist.

Why? Why? That leaves a mark.

Agent Booth. Spoke with the Shaws. Asked
if their daughter had any specific phobias.

Yeah? Snakes.

One crawled up out of the drain of
her bathtub when she was a child.

So since then... That's good.
Just call all the pet shops,

the reptile specialists... I
don't know, World of Snakes...

And see who's been
buying 'em all up.

Does Lola strike you
as a snake person?

I'll deal with Lola.
You go back to the lab.

Why? I won't hit her
unless you say so.

Look, I'll do my street thing.
You do your lab thing. All right?

Together, we catch bad
guys. That's good math.

The lacquer holds tarantula
hairs, your mystery spores,

and particulates which
suggest heavy traffic.

I'm aware of the parameters.
I told you all that stuff.

I'm thinking aloud.
It's a technique.

Are you concentrating on the
spores? Yes. I'm looking at them now.

- He's aware of the parameters.
- And the unexplained source
of the steel dust?

What I'd like is to look up from this
microscope in about, mmm, 10 seconds...

and find myself totally
alone and able to concentrate.

Oh, not nearly far
enough. Not even close.

Is that your costume?

Uh, yeah. It's
sexually alluring.

Thank you. I'm Cat Woman.

The superhero. Oh.

One of the most powerful
female superhero figures.

I don't think so. Are you
kidding? Cat Woman?

Can you fly? I have nine lives.

Superstrength, superspeed,
force people to tell the truth?

I think I'm pretty fast.
Pretty fast is not superspeed.

- Hawaii.
- Hawaii?

The spore's Atronecium from the Haleahi
Nebulae. It's a Hawaiian orchid hybrid.

The victims were
mummified in Hawaii?

How else would Hawaiian pollen
get absorbed into the wet lacquer?

Lola. Remember me?

Not one word passes through
these lips without a lawyer's okay.

Right. And if you can't afford one,
which is my guess, one will be provided.

Probably a crappy one who
studied law on the Internet.

What do you want? You
attacked both those two dead girls.

Oh. Did Greg tell you that?
Yeah. And, uh, this one too.

I didn't kill anyone.

That's right. It was Greg who
forced you to do that. You know what?

If you don't tell me what I
need to know in two seconds,

I'm gonna start
removing your piercings.

And I'm not gonna start
with the ones on your face.

Look, I roughed 'em
up, all right? That's it. Oh.

I was gone. I was out of there, man. Why do
you think I'm never charged? I'm gone, man.

Just remember Maryland and
Virginia both have the death penalties.

Keep that in mind before we
find Megan's body. Let's go.

These are really tight, man!

Don't you have to put on
your costume? I already did.

I got a profile of the killer from
Sweets. You mean Dr. Sweets.

It's only theory, Bones. I
mean, it's what he's best at.

I mean, he's only 12.

Sweets says the killer
is definitely a male.

- Uh, Greg is a male.
- Oh, no.

Greg and Lola work their
sick little thing together.

Sweets says that
the killer works alone.

He has a respectable
blue-collar job.

In his public life, he's into
saving people. He's unmarried.

Oh, he has a police
or military background.

You do realize that Sweets
is describing you, right?

Wow! How do I look?

Are you kid... Good.
"Wonder-ful." Get it? Yeah.

'Cause you're Wonder Woman. I
know. What are you supposed to be?

Oh, I'm a nerd squint. You see, um, what
is the rationale behind that conclusion?

That's not what they
look or sound like.

Oh, you mean "we." That's not
what we look or sound like. Okay.

You see what I did right there? I corrected
you, you know, in character, as a squint.

Angela and Hodgins have a few things
to show us before we go to the party.

What?

What?

This marks the location of
Shoreline Amusement Park.

These are the locations
of three pet shops...

the F.B.I. says sold out
of snakes in the last week.

How many snakes in
total? Over a hundred.

Let me guess. They
all paid cash. Yep.

And the last place sold
out about an hour ago.

- An hour ago?
- Booth, Megan Shaw
is still alive.

Wait a second. Both Greg
Liscombe and Lola are in custody.

Sweets was right. They
didn't do it. Hodgins!

Hodgins has been
isolating locations...

where the dead girls could have been exposed
to the metal particulates in the lacquer.

- Okay, how many?
- 126, not including Hawaii.

- 126. That's not good enough.
- Megan Shaw is still alive.

- What do you want me to do?
- He wants us to guess.

- Well, my guess is Hawaii.
- Not Hawaii.

- Well, guess again, but better.
- I'm sorry.

- Booth, they don't guess.
- Who's "they?"

- Them!
- Well, that's just stupid.

- We do not guess.
- You're a horse's ass.

Cow. I'm a cow. See my udder?

I need Zack and Hodgins. The
rest of you can go to the party.

How can we go to a party when a 14-year-old
girl is being tortured to death by snakes?

People like us can't
work at full capacity...

with people like you constantly
interrupting with irrelevancies.

It's true. I love
you. But it's true.

- Okay. We're outta here.
- This is my office.

Let's go, Cher.

Okay, well, I'll tell you what.

I'll just sit right over here
in this chair and I'll wait.

Booth, no.

Fine. I'll wait outside, okay?

With this chair. I'll be
outside with this chair.

I'm worried that Naomi
from Paleontology...

will feel strange being
only the front half of a cow.

She got the good
end of that deal.

Who's stronger... Cat Woman or
Wonder Woman? Wonder Woman.

I concur vehemently.

Now ignoring the Hawaiian pollen,
these 126 sites represent loci...

where the necessary concentrations
of particulates can be found...

Underground garages,
tunnels, et cetera.

Dr. Sweets says we can assume
that the murderer works for a living.

You want us to go on psychology?

Let's assume the killer has
to get back and forth from his...

In comic books, it's
always called a lair.

From his lair in
time for his job,

sometimes during
high-traffic hours.

Can you remove the sites which make that
improbable? Assuming he needs to sleep?

- Say six hours a night.
- Twelve-hour shift.

Leaving six hours
for travel and torture.

At a maximum of
two hours travel time.

So, what? Remove everything
more than a hundred miles away?

Too simplistic. If it's on a highway,
it could be up to 120 miles away.

Secondary roads taking traffic
patterns into account, less than 50,

depending upon the time of
day and weather conditions...

It'll go faster if you do the calculations in
your head, Zack, and don't explain it to us.

Thank you.

- How many does that leave?
- Thirty-one.

No. No way the police can hit all
those. Not spread thin on Halloween.

We can narrow it down further.

Factor mummification.

Yes. Particulates plus
mummification requires...

- A steady continuous
supply of dry air.
- A large oven with blowers.

I'd like to assume that the automotive
particulates arrive with the blowing air.

- Heated underground
parking lots.
- How is that not guessing?

Einstein referred to such assumptions
as acceptable intuitive leaps.

I acknowledge Einstein
as a scientific authority.

But he failed us this time.

The answer is in the anomalies.

- The Hawaiian spore.
- And steel dust.

What makes it?
Grinding, drilling, abrading.

Scraping, milling.

Train wheels.

Okay, intuitive leap.

When a train turns, it grinds
the rails, creates a steel dust.

Subways. Which also provide
warm, dry air. They're vented.

Okay, what we need now are florists
who carry Hodgins's Hawaiian flower...

which are situated
directly over subway tracks.

Wow. Hey, where are you going?

To get Booth. Call me
when you find the florist.

You're sure about this?

Not at all. Because you guessed.

But we do not
guess. I think you did.

I dare you to put that
Lasso of Truth around you.

Now you're being completely irrational.
This Lasso doesn't actually work.

These bracelets aren't
actually made of Amazonium.

They're stainless steel.
They can't stop a bullet. So...

Okay.

Brennan.

Aloha Floral Supply between
Friendship Heights and Bethesda.

- The store sits
right over the Red Line.
- Thank you.

- Dispatch, 22705.
- 22705, Dispatch.

22705 requests backup and
local units at Aloha Flowers...

between Friendship
Heights and Bethesda.

Oh, please be advised
that agents are U.C.,

dressed as a squint
and Wonder Woman.

Repeat, 22705.

Just picture a scientist nerd,
brainiac, dweeb, dork, whatever.

And Wonder Woman.
And Wonder Woman.

Acknowledged, 22705.

It's closed.

Go around the back.

Dry air. Subway.

Florist. Okay, stand back.

Okay. Where did you even
find a place to carry that?

Look. Could I please
shoot this one?

Booth?

Wow.

Cedar oil, lacquer. This is where
the killer mummified the bodies.

Ephedrine, other... other drugs.

- I know who the murderer is.
- Who?

Let's get out of here.

Lola beats up the girls,
who leaves them bleeding.

Who shows up to
help? Access to drugs.

The E.M.T. Smart. You should
wear a lab coat at all times.

Puts them in the back of his
ambulance. He knocks them unconscious.

No!

- Just stay there.
- No!

The screams are coming
from inside. Can I shoot it?

- No! Ow! Geez!
- Oh.

You shot me! Damn it! I said no. Don't
shoot. Sorry. Sorry. Are you all right?

I think the bullet bounced off
my bracelet. Just like Amazonium.

Geez, Bones!

What are you doing?
They're not poisonous.

- I know! I know!
- Then why don't you come down?

Seems I'm not completely in control
of my actions. Just get on my back.

Oh, God. Bones. Ow.

Megan?

It's okay. Can you
understand me?

No!

All right.

- My head!
- Just stop shooting at things, Bones!

He had a gun. You stay here.

Anyone comes through that door,
you shoot their heads off. Except me.

- My gun is too big for me.
- I could have told you that.

Here, take mine. Guard Megan.

Come on, Megan. Come here.

It's okay.

Damn it.

How can a guy with military
training miss with a scatter gun?

What were you? Navy? Infantry!

- Okay. Okay.
- Which is how I know you're
carrying the .50-caliber .500.

Well, that's five shots.
And by my count,

you only got one shot left.

That's one dumb-ass
gun to bring to a shoot-out!

Where's your backup, Booth?
Shouldn't they be here by now?

Now you need to be quiet.
Can you do that, Megan?

Okay.

Bones, you all right?

We're okay. He's
using you to get to us.

Not for long, Booth! I'm just gonna stick my
scatter gun in there and empty the barrels.

Your girl is gonna
look like hamburger!

One shot.

One hell of a shot.

Now can you see
why I hate clowns?

Miss Kippler.

Wow.

Miss Montenegro, you look
amazing. Halloween, right?

Look, Hodgins and I haven't really
decided what we're gonna do next.

I tried to seduce him,
you know? Hodgins?

Ew! No. Your husband.

I took off my top
and everything. Why?

I've been told I have alabaster skin that's
really impossible to resist touching.

Isn't that some kind of conflict
of interest? The P.I. code?

On the contrary. I did it
totally for you, the client.

Mm-hmm.

I was testing your husband with my
wiles so that I could properly advise you.

You are a very
dedicated investigator.

Which is why I have to tell you something I
didn't want to say in front of Dr. "Hodgkins."

Hodgins. There's no "K". Your
husband is deeply, deeply in love with you.

Also, he has incredible
abs and forearms.

So what I'm suggesting is
that I take you down there,

mediate a meeting,

and, uh, see if any old
sparks don't flare back into life.

I'm in love with Hodgins. Now.

Forever, Miss Kippler.

Did I mention the little catch in
his throat when he said your name?

Look, all I want out of
him is a divorce. Okay?

So if you want to see him again, and you
want to rub your alabaster all over him...

and shake his snow
globes, be my guest.

All I want is the divorce.

I hear you. I believe you. I
just wanted to make sure.

And please don't ever say
"ew" about Hodgins again.

Beards. I don't like beards. Especially
in conjunction with huge blue eyes.

Makes me feel like I'm staring into
one of those Russian religious icons.

Oh. Dr. Hodgkins.

Hodgins. Were you
just talking to Angela?

Yes. I was telling her that her husband
is extremely physically attractive.

Okay. Enough with that now!
Quit trying to drive a wedge.

It's a fact. On a scale of one
to 10, he's 10 to the 10th power.

What am I?

You're a solid 7.5,
which is quite respectable.

Your job is to help me
and Angela to be together.

Dr. Hodgkins, domestic issues
make up the core of our business.

And I have to tell you, most of the
time, they go back. They go back?

They go back to their husbands or
their wives most of the time. It's a fact.

And you think Angela should
go back to her husband?

I don't have an opinion
about "should" or "should not."

I'm more interested
in "will" or "won't."

But in this case, in my opinion,

I don't think she's going
back to her husband.

Even after you practically
threw him at her?

Exactly. Aren't you glad I did?

Now you can sleep like a baby
because of my thorough approach.

Thank you. That's
right, thank you.

Where is everybody?

Well, at the party I guess.

We could still go.

Well, we look like hell.
It's a Halloween party.

We could be Wonder Woman and,
um... What's Superman's secret identity?

Clark Kent.

Yes. We could be Wonder
Woman and Clark Kent...

after a really, really bad date.

Yeah, bad date...
because you shot me.

It was only a flesh wound, and
you dropped me on my head.

After you shot me. Okay, I
think I got you on this one.

Okay, Wonder Woman?

♪♪ I'm sorry you
had to kill someone.

I know you hate that.

Yeah, he had it coming.

You hate it. I'm sorry
that happened to you.

We saved the girl.
It's a pretty good date.

Except not really a date.

- I know.
- It was work, not a date.

- Really, really hard work.
- And we're not really
Wonder Woman and Clark Kent.

We're Brennan and Booth. Look, you're
the one who brought up the date analogy.

You hungry?

Yeah. Me too.

Okay. Let's go
grab a bite to eat.

♪ And we're still all right ♪

- ♪ Yeah, we're still
all right ♪
- What the hell are you doing?

- Nothing.
- ♪ And we're still
all right ♪♪

♪♪

What's that mean?