Bones (2005–2017): Season 12, Episode 6 - The Flaw in the Saw - full transcript

Okay, dude, this is
not worth it. This is sick.

Like, disgusting
sick, not "sick" sick.

No, pull it together, man.

We can't keep letting
Cooper get the better of us.

Look what he did to your hair.

You look like a human
whoopee cushion.

Now, hurry it up. The garbage truck
is gonna be here in like 15 minutes.

Oh, man.

Oh, this is gnarly. Yes,
that is definitely a keeper.

Yeah, imagine the look on the
Coops' face when he opens his car

and all these guts spill out.



Dude, where do
you think this is from?

Mountain lion,
probably. Oh, yeah.

Ugh.

What about this? Cobra.

Gross.

Dude, what about this?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMING)

BOY 1: Get out of
here! BOY 2: Go!

I'm never riding a bike again!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Christine, is everything...

Wow, wow. Okay. What happened?

Look, I was teaching her
how to ride a bike, okay?

And, you know, she
was doing really great.



She was a little
wobbly at first.

And then, I just, kind of, let her
go and then, bam! Hit the ground.

Booth, I don't want
Christine riding a bicycle

until I can properly teach
her about the physics.

What physics? What are
you talking about? Huh?

"Physics." You
get on, you fall off,

you figure it out,
you get back on.

"What physics?" Gyroscopic
forces, acceleration due to gravity,

friction... Friction.

Don't you think that it's good to
not know how something works?

I mean, come on, science
takes the magic out of everything.

It's not magic to begin with.

It's just rules that
govern the universe.

Next thing you know, you're
gonna tell her that rainbows are...

Light refracted through
water. She already knows that.

Of course she does.

Now that Christine's had
some time to self soothe,

I'm going to go check in on her.

(CELLPHONE CHIMES) Oh.

Oh.

Yeah, all right. Well, I
guess we're going to work

because there's a body found
in a dumpster full of animal guts.

That's your territory.

It'll be fascinating to see
how non-human viscera

affects the decomposition
of a human corpse.

(SIGHS) There goes my appetite.

You'd think after 12 years you could
handle a little viscera with your oatmeal.

FUENTES: Three dumpsters
filled with entrails and fluid.

Aren't these bags
not supposed to leak?

(EXCLAIMING)

No, no, that would be
the liver of a moose.

Damn it! Yeah.

Hey, good try, though, you know.

Maybe next time.

Yeah? You wanna take my place?

I would, but, unfortunately,
they haven't, you know,

invented a specialized wheelchair
for intestine diving. (CLICKS TONGUE)

Dr. Hodgins. Yeah.

Have you found time of death?

No, no. Not even close.

No, this pool of carcasses is
like Christmas to carrion feeders.

You know, they hopped around.

So, it's close to impossible to
figure out when or where they started.

Yes! I found a human humerus.

Part of one.

Well, based on the head
diameter and cortical involution,

I'd say the victim
is female, mid 40s.

Oh, my God. This is disgusting.

Do we have the skull?

Oh, hey, Rodolfo, you're gonna
need to find the skull ASAP.

As we all know,
skulls don't float. So...

(WHIMPERS)

(GASPING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(GRUNTING AND COUGHING)

(SOFTLY) Angie, here. Techs
found this for you at the scene.

(SCOFFS)

What? I'm having too much fun.

I hope you're still having
fun when you're in hell.

(CHUCKLES)

Ten more minutes, okay?

(FUENTES GROANS)

I can smell it though my mask.

This is so disgusting.

I'll give you five. Yes.

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, what's that?

Yes, I did fish every last
bone out of the carcass pit.

BRENNAN: Are
you looking for praise

for performing the
most basic tasks?

I was just pointing it out.

Do we have any idea
about the sock, I guess?

Yeah, it's made of chain mail.

It's the only article of clothing
I found in the entire dumpster.

So, we're looking for
some sort of knight.

Do knights play golf?

Look, take a look at the
fracture to the hamulus.

It's called a golfer's
fracture, I believe.

BRENNAN: Dr. Fuentes is correct.

This fracture is extremely
common in golfers,

the result of years
of stress on the wrist.

This body just keeps
getting weirder by the second.

It gets even weirder.

On the victim's sinuses
alone, I pulled out spores

from six species of tree
from around the world,

including Dacrydium cupressinum,
which only grows in New Zealand.

So, we're looking for
a well-traveled knight

with a love for America's
favorite pastime, golf.

Just a working theory.

AUBREY: You building a bike?

I wish. And this is how Bones
wants me to teach Christine

how to ride a bike.
Kind of ruins the fun.

Exactly, right?

So, what do you have for me?

Yeah. So, Angela sent over

the victim's ID. Phyllis Paul, she
was reported missing on Tuesday

by her live-in
girlfriend, Nancy Albert.

Phyllis Paul, college golfer,
competed professionally.

Yeah, but she never came
close to winning a competition.

For the past 10 years she
taught private golf lessons.

I've sent you her
website. Thanks, Aubrey.

All right, well, I'll tell you
what, let's bring her girlfriend in.

We can talk to her.

"Trail equals wheel radius times
cosine of head angle minus rake"?

What is... It's a
disaster. It's a mess.

I know that this is
difficult, Miss Albert,

but can you tell me the last
time that you saw Phyllis?

Tuesday morning. She left for
the second day of her competition

and she never came
home that night.

Okay, she was in
a golf tournament?

No, (CLEARS
THROAT) lumberjacking.

Lumberjacking?

Right, okay.

And this was a
hobby of Phyllis' or...

I wish it were just a hobby.

She'd found her
calling as a lumberjill,

or whatever they're called.

Six months in these
silly competitions

and she'd won more titles

than 20 years of golfing.

I'm getting the sense
that you were not a fan.

It was a waste of time.

Why? She was winning money.

I had more than
enough for the both of us.

We were gonna
retire together, travel,

take cooking classes.

Get married.

It must have upset you when
she took her life in a new direction.

I'm sorry.

If you are insinuating that
I would ever hurt Phyllis,

then you're mistaken.

I've been in love with her

since she gave me
my very first golf lesson.

Any idea who might
have wanted Phyllis dead?

Probably one of
those lumberjackers.

Just last month
they threw a golf club

through our window.

How did you know it
was a lumberjacker?

'Cause there was
a note attached.

"Stick to golfing you..."

Well, I'd rather
not say the word.

You can read it yourself.

(INHALES SHARPLY)
I gave it to the police.

(DEVICE TRILLS)

There's something
you wanted to show me?

Si, si, si.

I found significant
fracturing of the hyoid.

We will have to analyze it

to determine if it
indicates cause of death.

In addition, I was
looking at the striae,

where the victim was cut apart.

Now, the tool that was used

made this wave pattern.

BRENNAN: What do you make of it?

Well, at first, I wasn't sure,

but then I heard that the
victim was a lumberjack.

So, I thought...

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(IN ENGLISH) Chainsaw.

Well, I concur.

A chainsaw's teeth are J-shaped

and make this type of
wavelike curve mark.

The victim was
dismembered with a chainsaw,

and she was wearing
those chain mail socks

at the time of her death.

Which I learned are used
for protecting a lumberjack

from a wild swing of the ax.

The victim was
killed mid-competition.

So, someone is going to have to
go to the lumberjacking contest.

Booth and I will go,
yeah. Wait, Dr. Brennan.

If you'd like to spend a
little more time in the lab,

I'm willing to go in your place.

Just a small sacrifice

for my favorite boss.

I sense that you are
being disingenuous

and that you just want
to go to the competition.

Okay, fine. Yes, I want to go.

But, come on, what guy wouldn't?

All men love chainsaws.

That is not a proven fact.

Yes, it is.

Greg, how do you
feel about chainsaws?

I love chainsaws. Boom.

Wait, while Greg is an
adequate security guard,

he is not a
sufficient sample size

to extrapolate the
preferences of an entire gender.

Booth and I are going
to the competition.

Please clean and
rearticulate the bones.

Take pictures. Oh,
sure, I'll chatsnap it.

BRENNAN: This
is quite impressive.

BOOTH: What? No, no,
no. That's not impressive.

I think the word that you're
looking for is "badass," all right?

This is a major sport.

Bones, it's huge. And let's face
it, it's way more exciting than golf.

I imagine the muscle
groups used to swing an ax

are the same as those
used to swing a golfing stick.

Four years of playing golf and
you're still calling it a golfing stick.

It's a stick used to golf.
How is that not accurate?

My point is that both golfing and
lumberjacking are just applied physics.

No. No, no, no.

You don't try to
ruin this for me

like you're ruining
bike riding for Christine.

But everything is mathematics.

Sports, architecture, comedy.

Comedy is not math. Yes, it is.

By vectoring the
English language,

I can make a multitude
of hilarious jokes.

Please don't. For example,

what did the math teacher
say to the lumberjack?

Don't care. (CHUCKLES)

Make sure you use
the correct logarithm.

It's all just simple geometry.

Tree, like a tree.

'Cause a log comes from
a tree. (CLEARS THROAT)

It's a play on words.

(CROWD CHEERING)

♪ You know you got to turn up

♪ To keep 'em begging
For more, more, more

♪ I said you gotta turn up

♪ And put your hands
Where I can see them

♪ You know you got to turn up

♪ To keep 'em begging for more

♪ More, more, more
More, more, more

♪ I set my soul on fire

(MAN ANNOUNCING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA SYSTEM)

♪ If you want it baby
You can have it all

♪ But then You better turn up ♪

Every person I see is carrying
at least six lethal implements.

Excuse me, are
you in charge here?

Yeah, Dick Scarn.

FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth,

this here is my partner,
Dr. Temperance Brennan.

Okay, how can I help you?

Well, I'm sorry to report
that one of your lumberjills

has been murdered.
Murdered? Who?

Phyllis Paul. Oh, well, too bad.

Would you mind if we
ask you a few questions?

Well, they need me at the main
stage but you can walk with me.

Okay.

What happened to your femur?

Ah, chainsaw
snapped, I got boned.

"Bone" is not a
verb. I got a bone.

What bone?

No, a bone is a hard
piece of wood, Bones.

Wait, who's Bones? She's Bones.

I'm Bones. I thought
she was Brennan.

Booth, this is exactly why
you shouldn't call me Bones.

Right, because, you know
what? This happens all the time.

When was the last
time you saw Phyllis?

Tree climb on Tuesday,
she was in that competition

and she hasn't showed
up for anything since.

She was pretty good
at these events, huh?

Oh, yeah. You kidding?
When she came on the scene,

she outclassed the competition.

Anyone in particular
that she dethroned?

Yeah, Helga Thisk.

Where can we find Helga?

(MAN ANNOUNCING
INDISTINCTLY OVER PA SYSTEM)

Right over there.

MAN: (OVER PA SYSTEM) we
got Helga Thisk. Go get em', girl!

All right, thank you.

Bones, let's just wait, wait.
Just wait until she puts down

that big chainsaw before we
accuse her of murder. Okay?

(ALL CHEERING)

Okay, we can go now. Come on.

(EXHALES)

BOOTH: Okay.

Miss Thisk, can you
please put that ax down?

You're sure Phyllis is dead?

Yes, her body was dismembered
and is currently decomposing.

Helga, I took a look at your
competition history with Phyllis,

an outsider, coming in, taking
over the top lumberjill spot.

That's gotta be tough for you.

It's just a game, Agent
Booth. Come on, let's lose that,

"It's just a game," okay?

It's a lot of money to
be made here, right?

It's tons of sponsors.

You would remove
anyone who got in your way.

What? You think
I killed Phyllis?

Why would I kill her?

We were training partners. She
was giving me all her secrets.

What secrets? This
math stuff that she'd use

to calculate each chop.

Like they do it in golf.

As they should do it in
every athletic endeavor.

Measuring angles
and diameters forever

before she even
took her first swing.

Helga, can you think of anyone
who'd wanna hurt Phyllis?

Probably the crazy
fans. They hated her.

They said she was making the
sport dull with all her measuring.

I don't blame 'em. MAN: Helgie,

I've been looking
everywhere for you.

I'm sorry, this is my
husband, Ragnar.

Ragnar, these people
are from the FBI.

Phyllis was murdered.

Wow.

I mean, I didn't take Phyllis
for the getting murdered type.

It's a shame. You
don't seem too upset.

No. I'll sail "yo-ho"
for her later.

For now, we got a
competition to think of.

We gotta head over to the
stage for the Jack and Jill.

Whoa, wait a second,
the two-man saw?

Bones, we gotta see
it. It's a fan favorite.

Booth, we're in the middle
of a murder investigation.

And the fans are our
possible suspects here, so,

what kind of detectives would
we be if we didn't check out

the most popular event?

HODGINS: Hey,
how's it going up here?

(SIGHS)

The day started out well.

I analyzed the hyoid further.

Found fracturing on
the greater cornua.

Which means that
the cause of death

was most likely strangulation.

Nice. No, no. Not nice.

I spend the last few hours
scraping tiny pieces of solid matter

out of the bone that got lodged

into the striae during
dismemberment.

This is the slowest process.

I know it doesn't seem
like a lot, but, hey, hey, hey,

this could actually
help me determine

where the victim was cut up.

Also, I analyzed the nine iron

that was thrown through
the victim's window,

and I think I may
have found traces

of permethrin and
piperonyl butoxide.

Pesticides. Professional grade.

We may be looking
for an exterminator.

CAM: How is it going up there?
(WHISPERS) Let's ask her.

Yeah, you go ahead and do that.

I'm actually working
on my own thing.

What? Is your own thing
more important than chainsaws?

I gotta go. Dr. Hodgins.

Dr. Hodgins. Dr. Saroyan. Yes.

As you know, Dr. Brennan and I

came to the conclusion
that the victim

was dismembered
with a chainsaw. Yes.

I have since learned
that each competitor

at the Lumber Sports competition

has his or her own
unique chainsaw.

Therefore, I believe it is
absolutely necessary to the case

to subpoena each chainsaw,

so that I may test them

to match the
resulting striations

to the striations on
the victim's bones.

Thus, enabling me to determine

whose chainsaw was
used to dismember the body.

So, you wanna
play with chainsaws?

(SCOFFING) Play with chain...

No, I don't even like chainsaws.

No, believe me, if
there is another way

to find the correct
chainsaw, I'll do it.

Really? 'Cause I was actually
gonna say I think testing chainsaws

is an excellent idea.

Really? But since
you'd prefer to do it

a different way... No, no.

Thank you. Sure.

The Lumber Sports
saved this sliced wood

from Monday's
chainsaw competition.

And it's a real treat,

they're even labeled with
each competitor's name.

Great. So, why don't you compare

the striations on the bones
to those on this wood?

Good. That way, you
don't have to worry

about testing those
chainsaws yourself.

Mmm-hmm. Since you
didn't want to do it anyway.

Yay.

Hey, Angie. Hey, um...

I'm looking at this photo you
just sent, but I'm so confused.

It's labeled "crime scene" but

we don't even know where
this murder took place.

Yeah, that's because

it's from a different murder.

Not this case.

Oh, my God. Wait a
second. I remember this.

This is from the
lobbyist murder.

The one that Zack
committed. Confessed to.

Not committed.

Are... Are you
trying to prove that?

What can I do to help?

(COUGHS) Okay, I think
I may have found a way

to prove that the
killer wasn't Zack

based on the severity
of the stabbing.

Here. See, look.

There's too much blood.

I mean, if Zack were to
stab someone, which...

But still, he'd do it
as cleanly as possible.

Yeah, I just don't know

if this is enough to
overturn a conviction.

It's a start.

Yeah, it is.

Can I show you something
from the current case?

Yeah.

What's up? Okay.

So, when Helga said
that fans hated Phyllis,

I went online and I found this.

HODGINS: "North East Lumber
Sports Fans Are The Bombest Fans".

Well, this Jean Frong
guy is really die hard.

Yeah, and he hated Phyllis.

He thought that she was
ruining the sport. Check this out.

What's up everybody?
Jean Frong in the house.

Right behind me
here is Phyllis Paul.

She's measuring her
log and like always,

she's taking her sweet time.

Hey, hey, Phyllis!
What's taking you so long?

Yeah, we're bored. Hurry up...

I gotta say, it
is kind of boring.

CROWD: (CHANTING) Phyllis sucks,

Phyllis sucks, Phyllis sucks...

JEAN: That's right.
Hit her in the face.

Hit her in the face.

(LAUGHING)

ANGELA: I did some digging.

Jean works for his dad's
extermination company.

Angie, I think you just
found our nine iron thrower.

BOOTH: Look, Bones, if I were an
18-year-old punk, where would I be?

Where the beer is. Come on.

I was a teenager once, Booth.

And I observed that
my peers enjoyed

the consumption of
inexpensive alcohol.

Now, this is what
I'm talking about.

A good old-fashioned log roll.

BOYS: (CHANTING) Chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.

Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug.

BOY: Whoa!

Ah.

BOOTH: Hey, excuse
me... That's two! Let's go.

Excuse me, Jean Frong, need a
word with you over here, please.

I'm 21, I swear!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

(MAN GRUNTS)

Hey!

I'm sorry. Hey!

(GRUNTS)

Sorry.

BOOTH: Oh, come on.
You gotta be kidding me.

Will you get down now?

I'll stay up here all day.

Well, he can't
stay there forever.

Bones, we don't have
enough time here.

We don't, let's go.
Relax. Booth, Booth!

Stop, no.

A successful axmanship
requires mathematic calculation.

First we find the
radius of the log,

and divide it by 1.25...
(CROWD BOOING)

Come on. Then we
plot the angle of attack.

Take a step back. Enough
is enough here with this.

(GRUNTING)

Okay, okay, okay.
I'm coming down.

Just put that... Put it down.

See that, Bones? You don't need
science to take care of this guy.

Let's go.

BRENNAN: Hi, Cam, what's up?

Hey, based on what
Rodolfo found on the hyoid,

I examined the tissue
around the victim's neck

and found hydrogenated
triglycerides.

That's vegetable shortening.

What was it doing
around her neck?

The murder's hands must
have been covered in it.

Well, the grease to person ratio

at this event is
exceptionally high.

But I'll do my best
to keep an eye out

for users of triglycerides.

BOOTH: Look, I think
when Phyllis didn't listen

to your request
to stick to golf,

you decided to kick it
up a couple notches.

What? No, I loved Phyllis.

Well, I don't intend to throw
golfing sticks through the windows

of people that I love.

Golf clubs, not
sticks. Same thing.

Yeah, okay. Maybe
that was a little too crazy,

but I would... I would
never kill Phyllis.

She was too much
fun to have around.

Yeah, at first the whole
measuring thing sucked,

(CHUCKLES) but then
a bunch of us had started

going to her events
just to yell at her.

That was a lot of fun.

The flapjack guy even sold
special pancakes just to throw at her.

Cam said that the killer's hands

were covered in shortening.

Jean, did the flapjack guy
have anything against Phyllis?

(CHUCKLING) Yeah, they
had a hilarious feud going on.

What kind of
feud? Well, at first,

she said that his
coffee tasted like dirt.

So, then he put a
spider in her mug.

And that's when she let
all the air out in his tires.

And that's when
he started selling

the fling-a-Flap
-at-Phyllis special.

I think we need to talk to him.

Okay, um, can I go now?

I have to pee
really, really bad.

That's due to the fact that you
consumed 24 ounces of beer.

Fluid is filling your bladder,

applying pressure
to stretch receptors

which signal your urethra...

Lady!

You're not making this any
easier for me. (WATER RUNNING)

Does that help?

Oh, my God.

Family recipe.

Passed down from Flap
to Flap for generations.

So, I understand you
had a bit of a feud going

with Phyllis Paul.

It wasn't that bad.

Really? I beg to differ.

It says here that after
the pancake tossing,

Phyllis reported your truck
to the health department.

That was just
Phyllis being Phyllis.

She wasn't the nicest
Jill at the jamboree.

But after a failed inspection,

you had to buy a
brand-new truck.

Planning on it.
Yeah, it was time

to retire that rusty
old clunker anyway.

Listen, Jack, we found traces

of vegetable shortening
on Phyllis' neck.

How do you explain
that? (SNICKERS)

"Vegetable shortening."
What do you think I am?

I cook with butter that
I make from scratch.

Really? I should have caught
that. Hold on a second here.

You know, there's a
complexity with the flavor?

No aftertaste. That's
definitely butter.

Why am I getting a hint
of a, like, a smoked meat?

Bits of bacon in the batter.

I cure it myself.

Adds a hint of umami, which
balances out the sweetness.

That's beautiful.

It's a Flap family secret.

So, what about Phyllis? Anything
strange going on with her lately?

Yeah, Phyllis kept to herself.

Brought her own healthy food

in those little
Tupperware containers.

Yeah, I know the
type. JACK: Yeah.

In fact, last Tuesday
is the first time

I ever saw that gal
eat a carbohydrate.

Wait, did you say
last Tuesday? Yeah.

Still obnoxious as ever.

Jabbering away on the
phone the whole time,

but, oh, boy, she made her
way through a giant Jack stack

faster than I can flip a Flap.

Thanks, Jack.

Oh, can I take my
giant Jack sack to go?

You better.

CAM: Dr. Fuentes,

have you found a wood slab
that matches the striations?

Not yet.

I was looking at the hyoid
and the surrounding area

to determine cause of death.

I found something interesting
on the C4 vertebrae.

Crushing fracture on
the anterior surface.

The fracturing is too extensive

to have been caused
by human hands.

Whatever implement was used

squished its way into
the tissue of the neck

and made contact with
the front of the vertebrae.

There's a substantial
amount of muscle in the neck.

So, whatever implement was used

must have been extremely strong.

My guess is a pliable metal.

But why would the murderer
cover it in vegetable shortening?

Hey, so, I got something
really interesting for you.

What is it, Aubrey? So
the day that Phyllis died,

she ate pancakes.

Okay, you know what? I gotta go.

AUBREY: Wait, wait,
wait. Booth, Booth, look.

You know that Phyllis was an
intense competitor who ate clean, right?

Look, there's gotta be a reason

that Phyllis bought
a stack of pancakes

from a guy that she hated.

My guess is she was stressed.

All right. Let's
just think about it.

When an athlete gets stressed,
you know, their scores, they go down.

What do you say we just go
check out the tournament website

and look at her scores?
That's good thinking.

Wait a second.

That doesn't add up.
Well, she was winning,

but not as much as
her past competitions.

You might be
right. Phyllis was off.

Huh? Come on, I'm like
a forensic foodologist.

(CELLPHONE BEEPS)

Hello?

Hey, Angie.

So, I just ran the solid
matter that Rodolfo found

on the chainsaw striations
through the mass spec.

Did it give you any indication

of where Phyllis' body
was dismembered?

Well, I found Aphanomyces
laevis, Lasiodiplodia theobromae

and Phialocephala virens.

They're plant fungi.

But they feed on plants from
completely different climates.

I'm talking like, where does a
cactus grow next to a water lily?

In a plant nursery?

Oh. Yeah, right. Huh.

Sometimes I forget these
things exist outside of nature.

Well, I can run a search

for all the
nurseries in the area

of the lumberjack
tournament. Yeah.

By the way, I think I found
something on the lobbyist's rib.

Didn't Brennan already
analyze the lobbyist's bones?

She missed something.

Brennan missed something?

On a bone?

Inside one of the wound tracts

I found what could be the
killer's microbial signature.

It's a combination of all the
particles every human emits.

It can be used to distinguish
between individuals.

Yeah, I've heard of that,
but there are variables.

I don't think that's ever
actually held up in court.

First time for everything. Yeah.

(COMPUTER TRILLS)

Okay, so, these
are the nurseries

located within a 5-mile
radius of the tournament.

It looks like they're all in
a densely populated area.

Yeah, there's no way the killer
could've dismembered the victim

with a chainsaw at any of these
places without someone hearing.

Angie, what about any
nurseries in the area

that closed?

I mean, a bunch
of untended plants,

that would have explained
the amount of fungus I found.

(COMPUTER TRILLING) Yeah.

Bonnie's Garden.

Huh. It was closed a year ago.

And it's located a half
mile from the tournament.

(INDISTINCT RADIO
CHATTER) (SIREN WAILS)

There is blood here.

And a lot of it.

This is definitely where
our victim was dismembered.

Yeah. Remote area, drainage.
You know, it's pretty clever.

Guys, look.

This pot is singed
along the rim.

CAM: Someone tried to
burn the victim's clothing?

Definitely.

And the other sock.

Wait a minute.

What is this? It's a flip line.

It's a steel cable
that lumberjacks use

to scale the pole in
the tree climb event.

Belonged to our victim.

You think this could
be the murder weapon?

It definitely fits
the parameters.

Hold on a second, I can tell you
for sure. Can you hold that out?

Yup, lipids.

This flip line is
covered in fat.

Hey, 10-to-1, it's
vegetable shortening.

Well, if so, we've got
our murder weapon.

Yes, king of the
plant graveyard.

I still don't understand why
you'd put shortening on a flip line.

Well, a slippery flip
line would make it

nearly impossible
to scale the pole.

So, it's sabotage.

That explains her lower scores.

But Phyllis was still winning.

So, maybe this saboteur

just got impatient
and killed her instead.

No, no, no, Bones,
what are you doing?

Proving to you that
lumberjacking is physics.

Look, I'm sure it is. But I
told you I don't want to know.

Don't you wanna know
how the world functions?

You know what, Bones?
Some things in life,

they need to be a mystery.
Like the Internet, why planes fly,

farts... Transfer protocol,

manipulation of air pressure,

vibrations of the anal...

Don't need to know
that right now, okay?

(BOOTH MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Silly. Hi, Cam. Go ahead.

I found epithelial
cells on the flip line.

So, I ran the DNA and got a hit

from the Maryland
Volunteer Firemen Database.

Who is it? Ragnar Thisk.

Well... Helga's husband.

Looks like the husband wanted
to get a leg up for the wife.

Tell you what, hey!

You up for another visit
to the lumberjack show?

Huh?

And we're not taking these.

Sabotaging Phyllis? Never.
This sport is about community.

Well, come on,
there's lots of sponsors.

There's a lot of money at risk.

And you were the loser.

This women is not a loser.

BRENNAN: Well, I'm
merely stating a fact.

She lost, ergo she is a loser.

Ragnar, you're very
protective of your wife there.

I bet you would do
anything to see her win.

Maybe even commit murder?

No!

Then why did we find your
DNA on Phyllis' flip line,

the implement
used to murder her?

Okay, I greased the flip line.

I was trying to
sabotage Phyllis,

but I didn't kill her, okay?
Rag, how could you do that?

I could see how hard
you were working.

All those late nights spent
practicing with Phyllis?

Ragnar, please. RAGNAR:
Sometimes you didn't even

get home till morning.
Come on, now.

I wasn't working that hard.

Oh, don't be humble.

What about all those
weekend lumberjacking trips

you and Phyllis were
always going on?

She'd come home
completely wiped.

Phyllis' training must
have really tuckered her out.

Mr. Thisk, can you
please step outside?

Thank you.

(CHAINSAW REVS IN DISTANCE)

(SOBBING) Okay, Phyllis
and I were sleeping together.

We were gonna leave Nancy
and Ragnar and get married.

We even got fitted
for rings last week.

(CRYING) And now she's gone.

There, there.

What does "there, there" mean?

"It's okay." It's
supposed to comfort her.

Maybe try the bear.

Let's give her
some time, please?

Do you want a bear? Stop.

Give her the bear.
Helga, please.

Hey, what's up?

I need you to swab
something for me.

I've been looking at the
striations on the bone.

I found kerf marks
on the right femur.

Now, they appear to
have been made by an ax,

and they were made prior
to the chainsaw damage.

Wait a minute. You
think someone attempted

to chop up the
body with an ax first?

Exactly. But if a lumberjack
took a swing on the bone,

he or she would have been strong
enough to do more damage than this.

In addition, none
of the slabs of wood

that Cam gave us
match the striations.

So if we're not looking
for a lumberjack...

We're not looking for a
lumberjack's chainsaw.

The killer could've
used any make

or model of
chainsaw in the world.

How will we ever figure
out which one it is?

(CHAINSAWS REVVING)

BOTH: It was his idea.

Look, I don't care
whose idea this was.

Someone tell me what's going on.

FUENTES: Okay.

I'll explain, I guess.

Based on a
multitude of evidence,

Hodgins and I came
to the conclusion

that the killer is
not a lumberjack.

So, we're not looking for
a lumberjack's chainsaw.

We're looking for a
regular consumer chainsaw.

So, we're testing all of them.

And what exactly
is the plan here?

Look, Cam, if we
can find the make

and model of the
chainsaw that was used,

we may be able to
match it to a chainsaw

owned by one of the remaining
non-lumberjack suspects.

Unfortunately,
there is a small grain

of intelligence in that theory.

So, we can keep going?

Just get it over with.

Yeah!

(GIGGLES)

So, it looks like
Phyllis' girlfriend,

Nancy, is our prime suspect.

I mean, she
definitely had motive.

And the force profile indicates

that the killer is
not a lumberjack.

Well, Aubrey, you know, went
and checked out her house.

No one was there.

And he's also checking
out the country club.

BRENNAN: Booth, is that...

You can't hide from
me, you lumber slut!

Nancy! Nancy
Albert, hold on. Whoa!

Easy, okay.

(GRUNTS)

BRENNAN: Oh! Wow!
Okay, look at that, huh?

Talk about a good
Seth Joyner take down.

All right, that's it.
Turn around. Let's go.

Let's go. Hate to tell you,
but you are under arrest.

Up.

Nancy, I hear you've
got quite the temper.

I'm sorry, wouldn't
you if you just found out

your girlfriend was in
love with someone else?

Might lead someone to murder.

I didn't kill her.

I just found out
about it this morning.

This morning from whom?

I got a call from our jeweler.

He asked if the ring fit. I
never received any ring.

How do you know that
Phyllis wasn't planning on

giving you a ring
before she died?

He said she'd had
it resized to a nine.

I'm a five and a half.

It was obviously
meant for that ogre.

So, you knew about Helga?

I suspected, yeah. But
this just confirmed it.

You don't buy a four-karat
diamond for a friend.

(WHISTLES) Four karats.
That's a very expensive ring.

You know if Helga
actually got it?

Well, good luck
finding it, if she did.

Probably looks
like a speck of dust

on those sausage
fingers of hers.

Don't hurt yourself, again.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CHAINSAW REVVING)

Hey, Hodgins, these
striations still don't match.

Why are you yelling?

Just grab another saw.

Well, I'm gonna test this one

for a third time,
just to be sure.

Okay. (ALARM BLARING)

Whoa! HODGINS: Oh, sorry!

Sorry!

No worries, no
worries. All good.

It was getting a little loud
in here, so, I rigged this up,

so that I'd actually be able to

know when the mass
spec was finished.

Ah, genius! Right?

All right, let's see
what we've got here.

So, looks like we
do have the results

from the particulates
in the ax wound.

Okay.

Glucose, sucrose,
sodium nitrate, lipids...

Hold on a second.

This all looks like a combination
of sugar syrup and pig fat.

Why would you have
sugar on an ax? Yeah.

That's more like a
kitchen implement.

Hey, Jack Flap told Aubrey
he cures his own bacon.

A meat cleaver
would create a marking

with a similar profile
to that of an ax head.

Let's clean up, check
the bones again.

Yeah. Okay?

Goodbye, preciousa. (KISSES)

AUBREY: So, I'm
holding Nancy but

I just don't think
she'd have It in her

to dismember Phyllis' body.

So, I looked into our one
suspect with a money motive.

Jack Flap is about to
default on a $30,000 loan

that he took out to
pay for that new truck.

Paid it off two days ago.

Okay, so, he sold off the ring.

He used that money
to pay off the loan.

If not, that would be one giant
Jack stack of a coincidence.

FUENTES: These marks could
just as easily be from a meat cleaver.

HODGINS: Yeah, but anyone with
a kitchen could have a meat cleaver.

Oh. Wait a second. What is this?

HODGINS: What is it?

A scratch on the posterior
surface of the femur.

Considering the width, it
seems to be from a chainsaw,

but it's so faint.

Could it be a hesitation mark?

Chainsaws are so powerful,

even just by touching the bone,

it would cause more
damage than this.

Well, all the more reason

to get back to those chainsaws.

Hmm. If we figure out
what type was used,

this injury might
actually make sense.

The scratch on the
femur is confounding.

(CHAINSAWS RATTLING IN DISTANCE)

The width and the
unique damage pattern

indicate that it was
made with a chainsaw,

but a tool with that much power

would've caused more damage.

Okay, let's see if we can
find a scenario that works.

(BEEPING)

Okay, what if the
killer only lightly

touched the bone
with the chainsaw?

(PROCESSING)

No, a moving chainsaw
creates an incision

that's deeper than
the one we found.

What if the chainsaw wasn't on?

Okay.

No, the mark on
the femur indicates

that the chain was moving.

So, it's not from a
chainsaw that was on,

and it's not from a
chainsaw that was off.

But we know it's
from a chainsaw.

Hopefully, that's the last
time I say "chainsaw" today.

Well, the chain was
moving but the saw was off.

It's almost as if the
chain wrapped itself

around the
circumference of the bone.

FUENTES: Hey!

Stop it now, I said.
Stop it! Let me see.

Stop it! No! Let me see.

No, don't touch it because
then everybody can... Ugh!

Oh, my God. Is everything okay?

I'm fine. (CHUCKLES)
Everything is fine.

Okay, can you move
your toes? Uh-huh!

Good. Now I can kill you.

What... (LAUGHS) For what?

For this little scratch?

What happened? He
was testing that saw

and then hit a hard spot. Ah!

A bone of sorts.

Yes, anyway, the chain snapped,

it whipped around the
log and then it clipped him.

Ouch. No, no, no. No "ouch."

No! I mean, (SIGHS)
barely even hurt.

This is it. This is what?

This must be what
happened to the victim's femur.

The scratch Rodolfo found

was from a chainsaw chain.

It snapped off the holder and
therefore wasn't going fast enough

to penetrate the bone.

So, if the chainsaw snapped...
Then the killer must have

a similar injury to Rodolfo.

(CHUCKLES) It's not an injury.

Good work, Dr. Fuentes. Anytime.

Okay, well, I'm gonna
look for hospital records.

(GROANS)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

I didn't do anything. No,

you just stole
Phyllis' diamond ring

so you could pay off your loan.

Right? But she caught you.

And in doing so, you killed her.

And you still sold it off.

You can't prove that.
But we can prove that

you chopped up her body.

Why did you check in to the
emergency room last Tuesday night?

I...

Cut myself with a kitchen knife.

Had to get a few stitches.

Your shin is a strange place

to cut yourself
with a kitchen knife.

Who said it was on my...

Checked out your
hospital records.

I wouldn't describe
22 stitches as a few.

That cut is from a chainsaw,

almost certainly
from the one you used

to dismember Phyllis' body.

Her lab is tearing apart
your truck right now,

it's only a matter of time
before we find Phyllis' DNA.

So, why don't you come clean?

We were joking around, doing
stupid pranks, and she took it too far.

She took my truck.
The truck was all I had.

Okay, so, you sold off
her engagement ring

to get back at her?

I heard her gabbing on
her phone to her jeweler.

I just knew if I
could get that ring,

it was my chance
to pay off my debt.

She owed me. But
Phyllis caught you.

She was gonna
turn me into the cops,

after everything she'd done.

I'm not sorry.

Without my truck,

my life was over anyway.

Cam, you got a
minute? Of course.

So, I wanted to wait till the
case was over to tell you.

I found proof that Zack
didn't kill the lobbyist.

Okay, I'm not gonna ask
when you found time to do this.

But what did you find?

I was looking at
the lobbyist's rib...

Well, I was with Dr. Brennan
when she analyzed that.

She found nothing. Within
one of the stab wounds,

I found the microbial
signature of the killer,

and it is not a match for Zack.

But the chances of
a microbial signature

surviving this long
are infinitesimal.

Yeah, it had anthrax in it.

Which is the only bacteria
that can survive this long.

That's very fortunate.

Right? Can you
believe that luck?

I'm trying to.

Wow. This is conclusive.

And yet, you don't seem excited.

Well, I'm

just a little worried that
this is too good to be true.

You think I planted evidence?

Look, we all know
that Zack is innocent

and that it's not fair
that he's locked up.

So, I can understand why

doing something like
that might be tempting.

CAM: I'm...

I'm sorry, but I can't
look at evidence

that may have
been tampered with.

Then toss it.

The radius is 8.24 inches.

Okay, let's go, Bones.
Let's hurry it up here.

We've been standing here
waiting for you to do your stuff

for, like, 20 minutes.
Important to be thorough.

Booth, what is the temperature

of the water, in
degrees Celsius?

(SIGHS) Cold? Cold,
freezing cold. Let's go.

Let's do this. Okay?
We're ready. Come on.

Put the stuff down. Okay,
do both husband and wife

understand the terms
of the agreement?

Oh, yes. The winner
gets to teach Christine

how to ride the bike their way.

Which will be me because
I've just spent the last two days

learning the
physics of this sport.

I've been spending the last
two days enjoying the sport, huh?

Your hair looks beautiful
today, I must say.

(LAUGHS) It's gonna look that
much better when it gets all wet.

Well, I hope your lack
of scientific strategy

results in you losing. (SIGHS)

We'll work on that
trash talking later, okay?

Are the competitors
ready? Ready!

Ready. On your mark,

get set, roll!

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

All right, look at that, huh?

(LAUGHS)

Whoa. What are you doing?

Lowering the surface friction.

Oh, really? Lower this. Oh!

Ineffective, I
control the torque.

You don't control
the torque now, huh?

Jumping is not a
traditional move in this sport.

Yeah, it's not. You
didn't study that one, huh?

You didn't, huh? Kind
of caught you off guard.

My strategy can
accommodate that.

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

(SPLASHING)

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)