Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 9, Episode 14 - The Gold Detector - full transcript

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I can't do it.

Barney, you're a man
reaching for straws.

That mine of yours is
petered out. The gold is gone.

Now, you gotta start
getting used to the idea.

Well, I... I ain't
arguing against it.

Well, then, sell the mine to me.

Let me take what
little copper I can find

and call the money I'm gonna give you a
grubstake and you go prospectin' again.

You'll make another
strike, Barney.

Why, it took me near 30
years to make this one.



I ain't got that much time left.

Besides, I promised Hoss
Cartwright I'd wait on selling the mine.

I'm a man who does what
he says whenever I can.

Barney, I don't see
why you have to...

I said I'd meet Hoss in front
of the freight office at 11 o'clock

and I'm gonna do it. He's got
something he wants to show me.

Papa.

- Miss Webb.
- Mr. Higgins.

Papa, have you
seen Hoss today yet?

We’re waiting for him now.

Well, when you do see him, don't
you forget to invite him to supper tonight.

- You hear?
- I'll do that.

Fine girl, but there's
sure a lot of her.

Got her heart set
on getting married,



even if she has to drag the
groom to the altar by the ear.

Howdy, Barney.

- I'm here, Hoss.
- Mr. Higgins.

Cartwright, what's
this nonsense I hear

about you not wanting
Barney to sell his mine to me?

Well, it ain't that I don't
want him to sell it to you.

It's just that, well, I didn't
want him to be in no hurry

to sell it to anybody.

But it's no good to
him. The gold is gone.

I can make a small
profit off of the copper

if I get my equipment
in there now.

Time is money and I
can't afford to waste it.

Well, I’m... I'm just
asking for a couple of days.

What’s wrong with that?

Well, why wait at all?

Look, Mr. Higgins, now,
you made the survey

and I'm sure you're a
fine mining engineer,

but there might just be a
vein in there you missed.

That's impossible.

Well, all I'm asking is a
chance to see what I can do.

You're no engineer. What
do you think you can do?

MAN: Y'all clear out the
way! Freight coming in!

Well, just hang around a minute
and I think I might be able to show you.

Hey there, Hoss!

Whoa. Whoa. Hold these, Cash.

[CACKLES]

- Which... Which one of these is mine?
- They're all yours.

You had an order coming from the
Lodestar Manufacturing Company?

Yeah, but I was just figuring
on one little old box maybe.

Well, they’re all yours,

and you're lucky they didn't
get stole before they got here.

Anything as valuable as
this is quite a temptation.

"Lodestar Manufacturing
Gold Detector."

Gold detector? What is this?

It's just what it says it
is. It's a gold detector.

Barney, we're
gonna find that gold.

Boys, you're now
looking at the president

of Hoss Cartwright Gold
Detecting Company Incorporated.

You got all your stuff
packed for San Francisco?

Yep.

I'll get this one.

- Hey, Pa.
- Hmm?

Take a look at this.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa.

We're not expecting
any freight in, are we?

No. From the way he's acting,

there's something there he
doesn't want us to know about.

I suppose we should respect
a man's right to his privacy.

Yeah, we... we should.

Hi, Pa, Joe.

Sure is a nice time to be
going to San Francisco.

You ought to have a
lot of good weather...

Lodestar Manufacturing
Gold Detector?

Pa, he's done it again.

Now, just a dad-burned
minute, Joseph.

Now, you hold on,
now. What is this?

Well, it's a little sideline
I thought I'd go into.

I seen this thing advertised and
I thought I'd order me one of 'em.

Well, of all the
idiotic ideas...

Now, wait a minute.
Just wait a minute.

Now, you know I'm a firm
believer in free enterprise.

Just as long as it doesn't interfere
with you performing your chores.

Oh, no, Pa, it ain't. I
guarantee you it ain't.

You go to San Francisco
and enjoy yourself.

- Joe and me'll take care of everything.
- Fine.

We’ll see you when you get back.

[JOE CHUCKLES]

He really picks the
dandies, doesn't he?

Well, Joseph, just
remember one thing.

They laughed at Fulton
and his steamboat.

And I have the strangest feeling

they're gonna laugh at
Hoss and his gold detector.

Let's get that stage.

[CHUCKLING] Gold detector.

[HUMS]

Gold detector. You...
You know it won't work.

Well, it won't hurt to
give Hoss a chance.

[KNOCKING]

I'll get it, Papa.

- Well, hello, Hoss.
- Oh.

I'd just about given
you up. Come right on in.

How are you? Barney.

Howdy, Mr. Higgins.

I was just telling Higgins, I'm
gonna give that gold detector of yours

a chance to show
us what it can do.

Sit yourself down, Hoss.
Make yourself comfortable.

Miss Casey, you don't
have to do all this just for me.

- I like doing things for you, Hoss.
- Yes'm.

- Look, Barney...
- I sure hope you brought your appetite.

Supper'll be ready
before you know it.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Thanks a lot, Miss Casey.

[CHUCKLES]

Barney, you ain't already sold
out to Higgins here, have you?

No, I've been waiting
for you, like I promised.

I'm getting tired of waiting.

Yeah, well, that's... that's sort of
what I wanted to talk to you about.

I'm gonna need two or three
more days, four or five at the most.

What’s the delay?

Well, you seen the boxes that
my gold detector came in, right?

See, I thought it'd come already
put together just in one box,

and as it turns out, I
gotta put it together

and there's a terrible
amount of parts

and it's all kind of...
kind of complicated.

Gold detector. Confounded
nonsense. You know it won't work.

Of course it'll work.
It's guaranteed.

All right, what's the
principle behind it?

Well, I don't rightly
know, you see.

I ain't got to the... I ain't got to
the fine print in the instructions yet.

Well, now, they wouldn't
sell a thing like that

if it wouldn't work, would they?

Oh, yeah, yeah, they would.

They'd sell anything as long
as there's a fool around to buy it.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, you really don't expect
that device of yours to sense,

that is, to... to detect gold through
a distance of solid rock, do you?

Well, that’s what
it's supposed to do.

I think we ought to give it a
chance, don't you, Barney?

- I gave you my word you could.
- All right, I'll be generous.

I'll give you a week to get your
device together to make your search.

A week. That ought
to do it fine, Barney.

Now, at the end of that week, I'll
expect you to sign your mine over to me

or forget the whole thing.

- All right, it's a deal.
- I'm gonna hold you to that.

Hoss, I... I sure
hope that thing'll work.

Don't worry about it,
Barney. Of course it'll work.

It's guaranteed.

Now, if you gentlemen
will just come to the table...

Mmm!

My, oh, my, Miss Casey.

Well, just get over here
and sit down, honey.

What a feed you done.

Oh, this is nothing, Hoss.

One of these days
I'll fix you a real meal.

Yeah.

Ah, Señor Higgins.

[CHUCKLES]

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

I would offer to share my
supper with you, Señor Higgins,

but there's hardly
enough food for one.

I'm not hungry.

I hope you have a job for me. I have
not worked since the mine shut down.

That's the reason there's
only enough food for one.

I've got a job for you.

The gold detector. Señor, if I
were you, this would worry me.

Ah, it'll never work. It can't.

[CHUCKLES]

But only fools take chances
when it's not necessary, eh, señor?

Ay caramba.

[EXPLOSION]

Come on, Joe, come on.

Get your gun. Come on.

I got it, I got it.

- What is it?
- Come on, come on.

What is it?

[LAUGHS]

It worked. It scared 'em off.

- Scared who off?
- The thieves.

The thieves that was
gonna steal my gold detector.

See, I planted that
shotgun over there.

Hey, what are you, out of your mind?
Suppose I would have walked in here.

You could have
blown my brain out.

Not unless you're 18 feet tall.

No, Joseph, it worked perfect.

You see, it shot the cans down,
scared the thieves off and woke us up.

Perfect.

- Well, you're kind of a genius.
- Yeah, I know.

Well, who’d wanna
steal this gold detector?

Who'd wanna steal... It's
very valuable stuff, Joseph.

Coil one. Coil two.

- Hey, Hoss.
- Green pipe, orange pipe...

- Hoss.
- Blue pipe... Yeah.

- You know anything about dynamite?
- A little bit. Why?

I don't know anything about
it. You'd better take care of this.

Yeah.

[EXPLOSION]

A-22...

To Z-14.

Hello, Hoss.

Oh, howdy, Miss Casey.

I saw Little Joe on the road. He
told me what happened last night.

Yeah, that ain't all
the troubles I'm having.

I done followed these
instructions exactly like they say

and it just don't look right.

Don't look anything
like the picture.

No, that's what I mean.

After putting it all together
just by these instructions

and then the picture here,

don't look nothing like.

Brought you some cake.

You come right over
here and sit yourself down,

rest your weary bones
and look what I got for you.

- Sit down.
- Well, I... Just lookee.

Reckon I have been
working a little too hard.

- Mm-hm. Lookee.
- Hot dogs.

Boy, that... that
sure does look good.

Yes, sir. Mm-mm.

Hey, it is good too.

I don't know why you
do all this just for me.

You think about it a little while,
Hoss. Pretty soon it'll come to you.

Well, what I meant to
say was, Miss Casey, I...

[KNOCKS]

Oh. Come in. Come right in.

- I'm looking for a Mr. Hoss Cartwright.
- Yeah, well, that's me.

- How are you, sir?
- My name is Albert McNulty.

I'm field representative for the
Lodestar Manufacturing Company.

Hey, I'm real happy to meet you,
Mr. McNulty. This here's Miss Webb.

Hello.

The company sent me by to
see if I could assist you in any way.

You sure can. Right
here's the gold detector.

I ain't got it all put together
yet, but there she is.

Mm, so I see.

- Would you mind?
- No, you go right ahead, please.

- Here's the instructions right there.
- Mm-hm.

Now, it seems that you've
made a mistake at the beginning,

so if you don't mind helping me,
we'll just disassemble it and start over.

Yes, sir, anything you say.

They're still at it, huh?

I do what you tell me. I
watch them all the time.

Señor Higgins, they
are at it day and night.

This Mr. McNulty, he
stays at the Ponderosa.

I peek into the barn any time of the
night and he's working all the time.

Well, if you'd have done your
job, there wouldn't be a machine.

[MUTTERS IN SPANISH]

These Cartwrights
are very smart people.

- [GRUNTS]
- Is Hoss working on it too?

Sí.And the Señorita Webb,
she brings food all the time.

And she works. She holds things
up and she holds things down.

It's a fake.

Why, you can't build a
machine to... to find gold.

[MUTTERS IN SPANISH]

Señor Higgins,
they are building it.

But it won't work.

I don't know much
about these things,

but I do know if it does work,
our goose, she is cooked.

Ouch!

Don't cheat. You'll see it
when Barney and Casey sees it.

Now, get on over there.

- What are you being so silly about?
- Joseph, you doubting Thomas.

Get over there.

Barney and Casey, you're
about to witness something.

Mr. McNulty here is
gonna have a few words

to explain how the
great gold detector works.

Mr. McNulty.

It has long been suspected that
certain invisible rays emanate from gold

greatly affecting human beings,

causing excitement,
lust, avarice.

The gold detector is a device which
detects this reaction in human beings,

thereby revealing
the presence of gold.

Now, Mr. Cartwright, if you'll be good
enough to help me remove the covering.

Barney, you and Casey are
gonna see something now. Mmm!

There it is.

Ever seen anything
like it? I ain't never.

I ain't never neither.

I ain't never neither either.

- You gotta be kidding.
- Ain't she something? We ain't kidding.

[CHUCKLES]

Mr. Cartwright, if you'll be good
enough to take these in your hands.

- Not me.
- Yeah, you.

You've been the
one snickering at us.

We figure if it’ll work with you,
it'll work with anybody. Take 'em.

Thumbulator on.

Thumbulator on.

Transferizer engaged.

Transferizer engaged.

Motivator functioning!

Motivator functioning.

- You are now fully activated.
- Great. What do I do now?

Just walk about as
if seeking for gold.

In the yard?

Hoss, this is
ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

- There isn't any gold around here.
- What did you say, Joseph?

I said the whole
thing is ridiculous.

There isn't any gold
ar... around here!

Here! Here! Here! Here!

It... It works. It
works great. It works.

JOE: Here! Here! Here!

Hey! It works! Turn it off!

[JOE YELLS]

- Will you... Will you...
- It's working.

- JOE: Here! Here!
- Hey, maybe you ought to turn it off.

I can't.

Turn it off. It might kill
him. It might kill him.

I can't!

[JOE YELLS]

JOE: Turn it off, will you?

Now what do you say?

- Ouch.
- [LAUGHS]

Well, it's either an overactive
motivator or a fractured thumbulator.

I'm afraid we've got a good
deal of work ahead of us.

MCNULTY: Pass it
to me now, please.

[CASEY SIGHS]

My Amazon helper, does this
look like a transferizer part to you?

Will you quit calling
me an Amazon?

All I ask is that you give
careful attention to your work.

All I ask is you to
stop picking on me.

Oh, boy. You two at it again?

He keeps calling me an Amazon.

A simple statement
of an obvious fact.

Oh.

[CLANGS]

Well, I must say, Mr. McNulty,

you got about as much
diplomacy as a hot branding iron.

Diplomacy is just a nicer
word for deception, Hoss,

and deception is not a part
of the McNulty vocabulary.

Which leads me to confess
that I cannot deceive you

any more than I could
Casey, my Amazon helper.

I misled you when I told you

that I was a field representative for
the Lodestar Manufacturing Company.

- You mean you ain't?
- Well, yes.

But I should have added
that I'm also the president,

vice president,
treasurer, mechanic.

In short, I am the Lodestar
Manufacturing Company.

Well, I’ll be doggone. I ain't
never met a whole company before.

I built this gold
detector in the woodshed

in back of my landlady's
boarding house.

You mean you built
this thing all by yourself?

- Why'd you sell it to me?
- Debts. Lack of money.

I was forced to place
that ad in the paper.

You must have gotten
hundreds of answers.

I was just the lucky one, huh?

As a matter of fact,
you were the only one.

Seems nobody else could believe

that there could be such
a thing as a gold detector.

Well, just shows you
how stupid people can be.

There it is, and it works.

Yeah, it works.

But you know something?

I don't really
know why it works.

Oh, you... You gotta be joshing.

No, I... I can only deduce

that it works on rays
emanating from gold.

But I can't prove it.

Well, I can't prove the sun's going
to come up in the morning either.

- But I believe it.
- Hoss? Hoss? Hoss?

General storekeeper
said you ordered these.

We... We sort of
offered to bring 'em out.

Great day in the mornin'.

Do it... Do it work?

[CHUCKLES]

Does it work?

[CHUCKLES]

It worked so well, it blew its
stack. That's how good it works.

Oh. Well, you better be careful,
Hoss, somebody don't steal it.

No, I ain't gonna worry about that.
See that shotgun I got planted over there?

MCNULTY: Well, those
are the parts I needed to fix it.

Won't be more than an hour, Hoss,
and I'll have this thing as good as new.

Set 'em right down there.

Fellas, thank you a
bunch for bringing 'em out.

Now, we gotta get to work
to get this thing completed.

I know you boys'll understand.

If you'll just excuse us, we've
got us a whole bunch of work to do.

So we'll see you
boys later. So long.

Ooh!

Did you see that?

Old Satan's clutchin'
and... and grabbin' at me,

but I'm fightin' him off.

Yeah, well, he's been a-screamin'
and hollerin' in my ears too, Cash,

but I ain't gonna listen to him.

We fought temptation
and we whopped it.

Sure makes a man feel good.

Oh, well, he ain't gonna
bother us no more. No, sir.

Did you see how he dangled that
gold "dec-etor" right in front of our face,

just like the snake
did the apple?

But we see through
his devil temptation.

I'm proud of you, Cash.
I'm really proud of you.

[GLUGGING]

[WHISPERS] Quit
making that noise.

I ain't making any noise.
You're making a noise.

You sound just like
a turkey hollerin'.

[GLUGGING]

Oh!

- Now, come on, let's get to work.
- Now, wait a minute.

I thought we was
gonna fight Satan.

Now, there ain't
everybody always perfect.

Now, go on, get in there.

Wait, wait. Watch the string.

I'll get the gun.

[GUN CLICKS]

- Ain't it pretty?
- It sure is.

I just sort of hate to steal
anything so pretty from old Hoss.

Well, old Satan didn't
say nothin' about borrowin'.

Yeah, still, it just
don't seem right.

- Well, you wanna get rich, don't you?
- I sure do.

I'm gettin' tired as can be of bein'
poor and havin' to work for a livin'.

All we're gonna do is borrow it for
a while until we find enough gold,

and then we're
gonna bring it back.

Maybe if I was to have
another nip, it... it'd sound better.

Yeah?

Yeah, it sounds better now!

Shh!

Now, let's get to work.

Come on.

Be careful. Be careful.

Whoa.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

Miss Casey, you're a
little early today, ain't you?

I got bad news for you.

Papa's gonna sell the mine.

Well, he's flat broke.

Higgins is offering him something
that amounts to a real good grubstake.

Higgins changed his mind
about waiting for a week.

I mean, he says Papa's gotta make
the deal today or forget the whole thing.

Well, today’s the day
we're going to know.

We've got the gold
detector in shape to go.

- Is that right?
- That's right.

Albert's got it all
working just beautifully.

So why don't we get it on out to
your Pa's mine right now, huh?

Right.

I'll take care of the shotgun.

It's gone. Somebody's
done took it.

Let's see if we can find 'em.

Oh!

Poor Papa.

[SOBS]

That ain't the way to do it.

You gotta get
the steam up first.

Well, the fire ain't drawin'.

It ain't gettin' no coal oil.

You get up there and take
care of them wires up there

and I'll take care of
my stuff back here,

and quit screamin'
and hollerin' at me.

Dang it.

- [CHUGGING]
- [HORSE NEIGHS]

Hey, Cash, I think
she's wakin' up!

That's the way!

[NEIGHS]

- Halt!
- Hold it, hold it, Cash!

- Hold it! Hold it, Cash!
- Whoa! I can't hold her!

I don't know whether there's
any use looking anymore.

There ain't no telling
where they are with it.

Hold it, Cash! Hold it, Cash!

Come on.

[CRASHING]

Simon and Cash, how could you do
a thing like this to me, steal from me?

We fought temptation, Hoss, I
declare for all goodness we did.

But old Satan
ended up whippin' us.

We was going to bring it right back,
Hoss, as soon as we struck it rich.

- That's right.
- How bad do you think it's wrecked?

I don't know. Have to take it back
to Mr. McNulty and let him work it.

Come on.

You think it's gonna work?

I hope so. I wish I had a couple of
days to make the fine adjustments.

Barney hasn't sold out yet, but
Higgins is pressing him pretty hard.

- I'd hurry up if I were you.
- How much time have we got?

- Take at least an hour.
- I'll get us hitched up.

You stay working.

Here comes Cartwright
and the gold machine.

[LAUGHTER]

- Whoa.
- Don't you fret, now, Hoss.

- Remember, they laughed at Fulton.
- Yeah.

- Joe, unhitch this horse for me, will you?
- Will do.

Albert, you get it all fired up
and make all the adjustments.

I'll go up here and see
where the best place to look is.

[LAUGHTER]

Well, Barney, reckon where
the best place is to start hunting?

Well, now, we measured it out and
it's right between these two stakes.

Dead end's over there and
leads to the main shaft right here,

and she's a hundred
feet straight down.

And you're gonna stand
on top of the ground

and you're gonna feel down around
there a hundred feet with that thing?

That's right.

[LAUGHS]

I thought I'd heard everything.

You go ahead and
laugh, Mr. Higgins,

but you just remember,
they laughed at Fulton too.

- Well, now, who's he?
- Who is Fulton?

[LAUGHS]

Who is Fulton?

Yeah.

If you're so ignorant you
don't even know who Fulton is,

dad-blamed if I'm
gonna explain it to you.

Albert, you about got her ready?

I can't promise anything. It's
been jarred around so much.

Well, let’s give her
a whirl anyhow, huh?

All right, folks, let's all back up
now. We're gonna watch the show.

[LAUGHS]

Barney, don't you worry about
nothing. It's gonna work, I guarantee you.

- I'm so proud of you.
- Yeah.

All right, Albert, any time.

Thumbulator on.

Thumbulator on.

Transferizer engaged.

Transferizer engaged.

Motivator functioning.

Hoss, you're now
fully activated.

Any minute, boys.

Well, how about it,
Hoss? It starting to tickle?

All right, Albert, turn it off.

Right, Hoss.

Well, you... you sure tried,
Hoss, and I sure thank you for it.

But I guess the machine
just... just doesn't work, does it?

Well, I don't reckon we
know for sure, Barney.

Maybe it's like Mr. Higgins said.
Maybe there just ain't no gold here.

Gentlemen, I want you all to gather
round. I got something to show you.

Hoss, you're right when you
say there isn't any gold here,

but that silly machine of yours
wouldn't have found it if there had been.

Now, I'm gonna put a
stop to this once and for all.

You... You passed over this spot
here a couple of times, didn't you?

That's right.

I don't want anybody here to think
that Vern Higgins isn't a fair man.

Corrales, give me that shovel.

I buried this poke
here this morning.

Take a good long look
at it, my gullible friend.

That’s gold.

That's pure gold.

[LAUGHTER]

Boy, this is...
this is ridiculous.

Barney, what's wrong with you?

Do I have to beat you over the
head with the truth or something?

Did I ask you to
take my word for it?

Didn't I prove that that fool
contraption can't find gold?

You didn't do no such
a dad-burned thing.

All you proved was it was broke.

Now, if it didn't detect the
gold you put right there under it,

it proves one thing to me, and that
was it's out of whack and that's all.

- Will you talk to your brother?
- I think he's got a point.

Oh, you won't give up even
when you know you're licked. Why?

'Cause this is the
only hope I got left.

When a man's down to his last
hope, he can't afford to be choosy.

Well, I’m down to my last bit
of patience. Delay is money.

Look, Mr. Higgins,
all we're asking is

just one more chance to try
our gold detector, that's all.

But you said yourself the
boob thing was on the fritz.

Yeah, but, dad burn
it, it can be fixed.

Yeah, yeah, so
there's still a chance.

And the least you can do is give
us one more week like you promised.

That's right.

I've given you more
than enough time already.

And if that mine isn't signed over to me
by noon tomorrow, the whole deal is off.

And that's that.

I... I can't stall him any
longer, Hoss. I'm sorry.

Yeah. We got a problem, Barney.
But at least we got until noon tomorrow.

Casey and Albert are over there
working on that gold detector right now.

If they can find the trouble and
get it fixed, we still just might make it.

You'll go to jail for this.

You bet you will.

[LAUGHS]

But why? You're alive. What
have I done to go to jail for?

You're holding
me against my will.

Señor, you are my guest.

Bunk. You abducted us.

You say it your way,
señorita, and I say it mine.

I demand that you release me.

My work on the gold
detector is not finished!

You will be my guest until tomorrow
afternoon and then I will let you go.

[LAUGHS]

Albert?

Casey?

Huh. That's funny.

Reckon where they
could have gone off to?

Albert was pretty broken up about
this thing not working this afternoon.

Maybe he just quit on it.

No, not a chance.

He maybe don't look like much,
but that McNulty's quite a man.

Well, if he's not the
kind to quit, then...

maybe somebody grabbed him.

Hey, yeah. Come
on, let's go find them.

Now, hold on. Let's
think for a minute.

You got till noon tomorrow afternoon to
get that gold detecting machine working.

We're not gonna be able
to track anybody in the dark.

There any chance you think
you can get this thing going?

I don't know, little brother.

I can doggone
sure give it a try.

I'll help you work on it tonight

and then I'll see if I can find
Albert and Casey in the morning.

- Well, that sounds all right, but...
- No buts about it.

That's the only chance we got.

All right, let's get with it.

You work hard on
funny machine, Mr. Hoss.

You no eat, you get tired.

Yeah, I ain't got
time to eat, Hop Sing.

Funny machine
look like it's all ready.

Yeah, yeah, it's
working all right.

The only thing is... I
got two parts left over.

Four-stage stabulator and
this trithermastic hemisgear.

Have you seen Little Joe yet?

Oh, no, he no come back yet.

Dad burn it.

Well, if I'm gonna get it done, it looks
like I'm gonna have to do it by myself.

- Give me a hand, will you?
- Mmm. Mmm.

Say, I'm thirsty.

You can't keep us tied up
here without food or drink.

That's right. It's
not healthy either.

No hay.

I must say, Miss Webb,
I find you very staunch.

Hurry.

[DOOR OPENS]

[CHUCKLES]

Go ahead and untie her,
señor. You saved me the trouble.

You can have the water you want,

and then I tie you up again,
this time much more tightly.

[CHUCKLES]

Easy, friend.

Drop it.

Señor, you're going
to be mighty sorry.

[CHUCKLES]

[SCREAMS]

Get her out of here!

Get in the buggy, quick.

What... What happened
to you? Where'd you go?

I'd... I'd tell you, but you
wouldn't... you wouldn't believe it.

Well, you can go back in now if you
want. They don't wanna fight anymore.

You two better get on
over to the gold mine.

Hoss is there with the gold
detector. There's not much time left.

I'll see these two get
into town and into a cell.

You think you can
handle it alone?

I'll... I'll do my best.

Albert, you were wonderful.

Oh, it was nothing, just a
simple matter of leverage.

[JOE CLEARS THROAT]

Go on, hurry up. You're
running out of time.

I hear Casey and McNulty
are gone. How come?

Don't worry, Barney. Little
Joe's out after 'em. He'll find 'em.

Without your inventor being here,
we might as well call this nonsense off.

No, no. We got at least half
an hour before noon, yeah.

Do you think you'll do
any good without McNulty?

Well, I know we gotta try.
Come on, Barney, here.

You take these things,
just walk around with 'em.

I'll run the levers and
the gauges. Now, go on.

Oh, this machine ain't gonna
work. We might just as well give up.

Well, you're ready to
sell and I'm ready to buy.

- Have you got the deed?
- Yes, I have, right in my pocket.

Here, here, hold
these things. I'll get it.

So you're finally gonna believe
when I say there's no gold in this mine.

[WHOOPING]

Hey! Hey, Hoss, there is gold!

There is gold! Look at that. Look
at that. Hey, the machine works.

Hey, honey, we're
rich, we're rich.

Honey... Look, come
down. We struck it rich.

Turn it off! Turn it off!

- Shut her down, Hoss, quick!
- I can't!

There must be a
mountain of gold out there!

It's getting
faster all the time.

It's gonna explode,
Hoss. Come on, run.

Explode?

[YELLS]

[LAUGHTER]

Turn it off! Turn it off!

Hey, Higgins, don't go...
Higgins, it's gonna blow up!

Make a liar out of
me, will you, huh?

Try to steal the gold I found?

Ha! I'll beat every
bolt off of you!

I'll break you in
a million pieces!

[CLANKING]

- Oh, Albert.
- Mrs. McNulty.

[LAUGHTER]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Well...

Well, listen, you
have a good trip, now.

- CASEY: We will. We will.
- It's been a pleasure.

- Albert, it's been fun.
- I'm so grateful to you.

Mrs. McNulty.

Well, we're riding away now.

So long, Albert.

- Bye!
- Bye.

[LAUGHING]

My, it's kind of nice them
two getting married, ain't it?

Kind of nice spending your honeymoon
in all the capitals of Europe too.

Yes, yes.

Me making it possible by making
'em rich finding that gold for 'em,

that wasn't no
little chore neither.

You know, Hoss, I been thinking
about that... that machine of yours.

I'm not so sure that that
gold detector found that gold,

but I do know one thing.

It sure found out that Vern Higgins
was lying and he ended up in jail.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

You think it's possible
to invent a machine...

Gold detector.

- Lie detector.
- Lie detector.

- Joseph, I got a bunch of spare parts.
- We got enough to make a machine?

It'll make us more famous
than... what's his name?

- Fulton.
- Fulton. Make us rich. Come on!

Boys.

Boys.

[SIGHS]

Oh, boy.

ANNOUNCER: This has
been a color production

of the NBC television network.