Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 8, Episode 25 - Joe Cartwright, Detective - full transcript

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Hey, Hoss.

Ho-Hoss, listen to
this. This is something.

- This is really something.
- Look, Joe,

my breakfast is
really something.

If you would just
let me eat it, please?

I-It says right here,
"Inspector Foote of the Yard

"captured the
killer by the red clay

he discovered on
the murderer's boots."

Pass the eggs, will you?



Pass the e...

I tell you about one of the
greatest feats in the world

of criminology and all you can
say to me is "pass the eggs"?

No.

I can say one other
thing: pass the ham, too.

Ham.

What's the use?

I'm trying to broaden
your mind and all-all you're

thinking about is
broadening your middle.

Look, Little Joe, you broaden
what you want to broaden.

I'll broaden what I want
to broaden. All right?

- Ah, good morning.
- Good morning, Pa.

Morning, Hoss, Little Joe.

Oh, good m... Uh,
good morning, sir. Sorry.



Little Joe, I've been
meaning to talk to you.

The last couple of weeks
you've been doing nothing

but reading that
detective stuff.

Joseph, I don't
know how many times

- I've told you...
- Not... Not to read at the table.

I'm-I'm sorry, Pa.

Joseph, it's not just
your reading at the table.

It's that every time
I've looked at you

in the last couple
of weeks you've

got your-your nose

buried in some detective novel.

It's just that every time I
go to put the book down,

I-I get involved in
another interesting case,

- that's all.
- Really?

Well, now, I have a very
interesting case for you.

A c-case for me?

Yes. I have a case of horseshoes

waiting at the livery stable to
be picked up by you as soon

as you've finished
your breakfast.

And I have a deposit
I'd like you to leave

at the bank for me, too.

Hoss, you'd better
go into town with him.

Make sure he doesn't buy
any more of those crime novels.

Right, Pa.

My son, the detective.

Whoa.

Oh, hi, Charlie, how are you?

Oh, fine, Hoss,
fine. How are you?

- Oh, couldn't be better.
- Hiya, Joe.

What's the matter with
your brother... ain't he well?

Yeah, he's all right.
He's just all wrapped up

reading about Scotland Yard.

Hmm. You'd think with
a range as big as yours,

a fella'd have enough to learn

without reading about
somebody else's yard.

Yeah, yeah, well, uh,
never mind about...

Charlie, Pa tells
me, uh, you got

some horseshoes
here for us, is that right?

You betcha, all ready to go.

Fine. Look, if you'll
load 'em on the wagon

and water these horses
down for us, I'd appreciate it.

Me and Joe's got to go down
to the bank. We'll be back

in a minute.

Have 'em ready for you
when you get back, Hoss.

Joe.

Why, hi there,
Pa, I didn't know...

Morning, Hoss.

Good morning, Mr. Barnes.

Good morning, Miss Bessy Sue.

Good morning, Hoss.

I would like to speak to
the manager of this bank.

You're speaking
to him, gentlemen.

Tom Barnes, sir.

Harry Perkins, until recently
a resident of New York City.

Mr. George Simms, my
associate of many years.

How do you do, sir.

- Uh, come in, gentlemen.
- Thank you.

Well, now, may I
help you, gentlemen?

The reason we're here, I'm
expecting a sizable amount

of cash arriving in Virginia
City within the next few days.

And I would like to open an
account here at your bank.

Yes, yes, certainly, certainly.

I have the new
account forms right here.

Um, first things
first, Mr. Barnes.

I am concerned with
the safety of your bank.

Now, I've heard and read
about the bank robberies

and the holdups you
people have out here.

You can understand that I...

Mostly exaggerations, sir.

I can assure you your money
will be quite safe here in our bank.

I'll accept that, but for
my own peace of mind,

I would like to see your vault.

Yes, well... Um,
well, I-I don't know.

Your request is rather unusual.

So is the size of my
deposit, Mr. Barnes.

Oh, yes, yes.

Uh...

no, I can't see that it
would be any harm in it.

Uh, follow me, gentlemen.

I think you'll be quite
impressed with our vault.

We just installed it a year ago.

And it's made by the
same firm who makes vaults

for most of the New York banks.

There you are, sir.

The finest steel in the world.

And a three-stage combination.

The most modern safe
on the market today.

I have to tell you, sir,
that this is the vault held

in the highest esteem by
myself and my colleagues.

Thank you a lot, Miss Bessy Sue.

You sure do make
bankin' a pleasure.

You're welcome.

Joe, will you go solve
a crime or something.

Miss Bessy Sue,

uh, there's gonna be a
dance this Friday night

at the Grange Auditorium,
and I was thinking maybe that...

Oh, I'm sorry, Hoss, but I've
already had six invitations,

but I'll save you a dance.

She'll save you a dance,
she'll save you a dance.

D-Did you see that?
Did you see that?

I sure did, ain't she got
the prettiest eyes you ever...

I'm not talking about Bessy Sue.

I'm talking about the fellas
who went in the back of the bank

with Mr. Barnes.

Well, what about them?

They were asking about the safe.

Well, so what?

So, I just read a
chapter in the book

that tells you exactly
the same thing.

These bank robbers
come into the bank.

They tell the manager
they're worried

about their money being safe.

He shows them
all over the place.

The next thing you
know, they've robbed it.

Joe, will you stop
all this imagining.

Just like Pa said, you
been readin' too many...

too many of these
danged detective books.

Hoss, I'm telling you...

I'm telling you that
we're going right now.

Now Pa sent me into
town to take care of you,

and that's exactly what
I'm gonna do, now git.

Hoss, I'm telling
you, it's in...

Charlie, how much do we owe you?

I'll tell you in a minute, Hoss.

Wait! Stop!

So, been reading
too many books, eh?

Come on, let's go.

Whoa, whoa, h-hold it.

Hurry up.

Get out of the way, Charlie!

- Giddap!
- Come on!

You all right, brother?

I don't know, Little Joe.

I reckon I am.

Oh, good.

Dad-burnit, we had our
chance, and we missed it.

Well, it looks like you're
gonna get your chance again

because them two
desperados is comin' back.

Sorry to have yelled like
that, but you forgot your case.

Well, thank you very, very much.

How forgetful of me.

Our bank aims to please.

I can see that.

I think our relationship is
destined to be very profitable.

See you soon.

Yeah, well, there's...

there's something
funny going on here.

There-there's definitely
something funny going on.

You're dad-burned right
there's something funny going on

around here, and
I'll tell you what it is.

As a matter of fact,
something hilarious is going on.

It's very funny, number
one, that I drive off

in a wagon that
ain't even hitched up.

Stop that!

Now, dad-burnit, Joe, we got to
get them horseshoes delivered

out there at the ranch somehow.

Now, come on, help me.

Hey, look.

Look, they're
going in the hotel.

Well, I'll be darned.

Now where'd you reckon they
was gonna sleep, on the street?

Come on, let's get over there
and find out what's going on.

Joe, will you... will
you stop this nonsense?

We got to get them horseshoes
out there to the ranch.

Now look, I know what I
know, and I feel what I feel.

Now, I'm gonna
go over to that hotel

and find out what
I can find out.

And you can either come
with me, or you can stay here.

Here you are.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Go on over there
and keep him busy.

Keep him busy doin' what?

Talk to him... talk-talk
about the weather, anything.

Go on, go on. Go on.

Hoss, Joe.

What can I do for you?

Howdy, Bob.

Well, I just thought
I'd come over

and talk to you
about the weather.

- The weather?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I haven't
thought about it at all.

You ain't thought
about the weather?

No.

Well, a man ought to think
about the weather once in a while.

I'll bet you ain't even
looked out today, have you?

No, I can't say I have.

What do you think?

It, uh, looks about average.

Yeah, I'd say it was about
average for this time of year.

Uh, keep an eye on it.

Quiet, they're in room six.

- Joe, that's...
- Shh...

- Joe, now...
- Shh.

Quiet.

Can't hear a thing.

Whew, good, let's go.

No, wait a minute,
we can't quit now.

Well, maybe you
can't, but I can.

All right, go ahead and quit.

Go ahead and quit if
that's what you want.

But if I'm right, if I'm right,

you're gonna have to live
with that on your conscience

the rest of your life.

Now, you want that?

Hmm? Do you?

Well, no, but...

All right, then, open
that door a crack

and see if you can
hear something.

Wait a minute.

You want me to
open the door, right?

Yes, I want you to open
the door... right, come on.

Why me?

Because you're taller than I am.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, easy.

Easy, easy, easy,
easy... Shh! Shh!

- No.
- Open it a little bit more.

Joe. Joe, it just
ain't right for us...

It's our... it's our duty.

Joe, it ain't the
right thing to do

to go around opening
people's doors.

All right, all right.

I got a better idea.

I'll get on your back
and try to look in...

in the transom up there.

Huh?

Uh, all right.
Now that's better.

- All right.
- Now you're using your head.

Okay.

Hoss?

Ho...

Howdy, ma'am.

You wouldn't be
interested in, uh...

in some encyclopedias
maybe, or-or-or...?

- Uh, no.
- Mm.

Now, look, ma'am, you're...
you're bigger than I am.

Hoss, are you...
are you all right?

Joseph, I thought
you said... room six.

You did say room
six, didn't you?

Yes. I saw it right on
the register, room six.

I'm positive. You can
go look for yourself.

Joseph, did you turn
that register around

before you looked at that six?

No. Why?

Joe, what does a six
look like upside down?

A nine.

Hoss, a nine! Good
thinking. Room nine.

Let's go, come on.

Joe, don't you think

we've gone to enough
trouble for nothing?

Do you see me quitting
because the going gets rough?

Hmm?

Room nine.

It couldn't be better.

We've got a fine
view of the street,

the bank, the mercantile.

Yeah.

I think this whole thing
is working out nice.

Shh!

I can hear them. Listen.

Listen.

What did you
think of that vault?

Well, I've seen better,
and I've seen worse.

I say about only one burglar
in a hundred could open it.

All right.

All right now,
what did I tell you?

What did I tell you?

Joe, I'm sorry I
ever doubted you.

- It's all right.
- What are we going to do now?

We're gonna get over
to the jail and tell Clem.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

Well, let me get this straight.

You say that some
fella named Foote

told you that
these two strangers

are gonna rob the bank.

No, he did not tell us that
they were gonna rob the bank.

I read it, I read it in
this book he wrote.

You actually heard
these two man say

they were going to
break into that safe?

Well, no, we didn't hear
them say it in that exact words,

but that's what they meant.

Why don't you let me
decide what they meant

and just tell me what they said.

All right, all right,
now the one man said

that they had a good
view of the street

- and the bank from their window.
- That's right.

And the other fella said that
there wasn't one bank robber

in the whole country,
not one out of a thousand,

that could break into
that safe, didn't they?

Right, right.

Well, is that all?

Is that all? Is that all?

How much do you need?

It's obvious what
they plan to do, Clem.

Now, it's your duty to get over
to that hotel and arrest them.

That's right.

Arrest them?

For what?

Because they've got a good
view of the bank from their window?

Or because they think
the bank has a good safe?

They haven't done anything.

But they are going
to do something.

They're gonna do it!

Oh, I'm sure there are
lots of people in Virginia City

gonna do something
wrong someday.

But I can't arrest
them till they do it.

And that is your
final word, huh?

That is my final word.

Now, boys, the law is the law.

I appreciate your concern,

and I'll keep an
eye on these two.

If they make a
move, I'll get them.

Well, I think you're
making a big mistake, Clem.

A big, big, big mistake.

And I want you to
remember one thing.

Remember, remember what they
say about an ounce of prevention.

The law is my job.

I can handle it and
without your help.

Come on, Hoss.

Oh, wait a minute, Joe.

Yeah?

You know, Joe, maybe he's right.

I mean, after all,
they didn't say for sure

they was gonna rob the bank.

A minute ago in there you said
it meant exactly the same thing.

Yeah, but maybe you and
me is just getting a little hasty.

Hasty nothing.

Clem's making a
mistake, a big mistake.

I'll tell you this,

Clem's the sheriff, and
we got to let him do his job.

Yeah, that's if
he can do the job.

And I'm not so sure about that.

Now, if that was Sheriff
Coffee in there, I'd feel secure.

I don't think Clem
has got the experience.

Well, I'll tell you this, if we
don't get them horseshoes

back out to the Ponderosa,

me and you are gonna
have an experience,

- I'll tell you that.
- Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on, let's go.

Joe, we got to get them
horseshoes back out there.

No, those horseshoes
are gonna wait.

I'm not going to pass
up a chance like this.

What chance?

Chance, chance.

Chapter four.

Right, look, right here.

"Whiskey", says Foote,

"often loosens the tongue."

Now that's right out
of Foote's mouth.

J-Joe, we... Well, come on!

Now, you do just what
I do, you understand?

I'll do what you do.

All right.

Let's go.

- Howdy, stranger.
- Howdy, stranger.

We're, uh, we're new in town.

Mind if we join you for a drink?

We're new in town.

You mind if we
join you for a dr...

Well, I'm new here myself.

I could use some
company over a drink.

Oh, fine. Thank you.

How long you been in town?

Just got in.

So did we.

We're looking for some
work breaking horses.

How about you?

No, that work's a little
too dangerous for me.

I like a nice safe job.

Hey, uh, bartender,

how about a couple of beers

and a bottle of whiskey
for my friend here.

Hey, it's on me.

It's on me.

Come on, hurry up here.

Some thirsty men.

Ah, that's more like it.

Here, let me, let
me pour that for you.

That's good whiskey.

How about a toast?

To an interesting afternoon.

To an interesting afternoon.

There we are.

When I drink whiskey, my
friends drink whiskey, too.

Uh, that's nice.

I really...

I-I-I'm gonna tell
you something.

That bank r-really
holds a lot of gold.

It's a tremendous...

a tremendous amount of gold.

For a newcomer, you
sure know your way around.

Shh.

We-we make it
our-our, uh, business

to know around our way.

Well, you know.

How long did you
say the regular sheriff

would be out of town?

At least, at least,
at least two weeks.

Two, at least.

Wouldn't you say that?

Huh?

Wasn't it... about two?

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah,

at least, at least two weeks.

And-and it isn't,
it isn't fair to...

leave a b-beautiful
community like this

unpro-protected...
by leaving an...

inexperienced
deputy in-in charge

with a big gold shipment

coming into this community.

When will the gold arrive?

By-by the end of the week.

Oh, it's tremendous gold.

Mm.

We should get another
bottle, shouldn't we?

No, thank you, boys.

I'd better be getting along.

Oh, come on, don't run off.

We'll have another bottle here.

I'll be seeing you around.

Okay, we-we'll see you.

We'll see you, stranger.

Hey, Joe, are you, are you sure

you played this
whole thing right?

What do you mean, am I sure?

Certainly.

Certainly, I did.

- I mean, - Am I sure?

It seems to me like you gave him

a whole lot more
information than he gave you.

Oh, no...

- I love you, little brother.
- Now, look...

It don't make no difference.

Don't you, you don't understand

the work-workings

of the-the criminal
mind, you see.

Oh.

See, what I was doing,

I was leading him down the road,

- Yeah.
- Slowly gaining information,

- Ah.
- Tricking him, slowly,

- Ah. -just leading him

and leading him and eventually,

as I knew in my
heart, he fell for it.

Joe?

Joe?

Just gonna ask him
what they did mean by...

"an ounce of prevention."

All I did was ask
you to go into town

and do a simple little errand.

Stand up when I talk to you.

Yes, sir.

It wasn't a very
difficult errand, was it?

Was it?!

No, it wasn't!

No, sir, no, sir, it wasn't.

No, sir, it wasn't.

And it shouldn't have taken
more than about two hours.

Am I right?

Am I right?!

You're al-always
right, Pa, always.

Evidently, it was
not a simple errand,

and it did not take two hours.

It took 12 hours,

and then I had to go into
town and bring you back myself.

And why did I
have to go into town

and bring you back myself?

Why?

Why?!

Because you told me to
keep an eye on Little Joe?

Because you were drunk.

Now, I admit that was
the first time it's happened,

to my knowledge,

but that does not
make it excusable.

And then, when I asked you

why I found you
in that condition,

what was your reply?

- Well, I...
- Oh, please.

How could I possibly forget?

You told me that you were drunk

because you were trying
to capture bank robbers.

That's right.

That's right, and-and...
and there's gonna...

there's a crime about
to be committed.

Joseph, there is a crime
about to be committed,

and I'm desperately
restraining myself

from committing
it this very instant.

Now, you stand up
straight when I talk to you.

Yes, sir.

Now, evidently I have
not been giving you boys

enough to do around this ranch.

I will remedy that
situation starting tomorrow.

- Yeah, but... but, Pa...
- But nothing!

Take your hands off me.

Now, I am going to bed,

and I very seriously advise
you two to do the same thing.

Because tomorrow is
going to be a long, long day.

Oh, boy.

Ooh, he was mad.

Yep.

I can see the chores piling
up already for tomorrow.

We got work to do.

Not till in the
morning, we don't.

Private detectives
work at night.

Private what?

Private detectives, detectives.

Joe, look, I don't
know about you.

I ain't no detective,
private, public or otherwise.

Besides, we're in enough
trouble with Pa already.

That's right, we're
in trouble with Pa.

But what shape do you
think we'd be in with him

if we caught ourselves a
couple of bank robbers, huh?

Joe, you just go ahead
and do whatever you want to,

but count me out.

All right, fine.
Fine, forget it.

There's a lot of other girls
around besides Bessy Sue.

What's Bessy Sue
got to do with this?

Well, just suppose you,
uh, you caught the men

who were about to rob
the bank where she worked,

perhaps even saving her life.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But, Joe, I-I don't know
nothin' about this detectiving.

Hoss...

Hoss, a man with your
courage and strength

would be wasted
in any other field.

Yeah?

Oh, with your skill,
your... your bravery,

your knowledge, you
could go right to the top.

Yeah, probably...

No probably about it, brother.

Definitely.

Definitely.

Let's go, Joe.

I'm with you all the way.

That's good. That's nice.

Hey, Joe, how come we gotta pile

this mud around
the bank, anyhow?

Well, don't you
remember me telling you

how-how Inspector
Foote caught the criminals

because they had
clay on their boots?

Yeah.

Well, anybody who
tries to get in the bank

is going to have red
clay on their boots.

Well, yeah, but how come
we got to go all the way out

to Porcupine Creek
to get this mud?

All we'd have to do is just
pour some water around here,

and then there'd
be plenty of mud.

But that would...
that'd be plain mud.

Just ordinary mud.

We need something
distinguishable.

Red clay. We'll be
able to see it for miles.

We'll know who did it.

Yeah.

Hey, you know, this
detectiving is kind of interesting.

I thought you'd like it.

Wait a minute, Joe.

You mean I gotta...

I gotta spread this mud
around here every night

until them fellas
decide to rob this bank?

Hoss, I think it's a small price
to pay for your community,

not to mention Bessy Sue.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay.

Get back to work.

Don't bother me anymore.
I've got a lot of reading to do.

Joe, I'm so doggone sleepy

after four nights of
hardly any sleep at all,

that I don't think I'm gonna
be able to make it, really.

Well, go on, eat.

You'll feel better.

Eat?

I'm so dad-burned
weak and tired,

I can't even chew,
much less eat.

Well, it's not going
to be much longer.

They gotta make their move soon.

Yeah, well, they better.

'Cause if they don't, I'm
gonna rob that bank myself,

so I can start
gettin' some sleep.

Now, look, you don't hear
me complaining, do you?

No.

And I don't see you shoveling
much of that mud, neither.

Well, somebody has
to stand watch, right?

Ain't a whole lot of
watch-standing you can do

laying up there on top
of all them crates snoring.

Now, look, I...
Shh. It's Pa. It's Pa.

You're still at the
breakfast table?

I thought you had a full
day's work ahead of you.

Mmm.

Oh, yeah, we-we were
just about to get started, Pa.

We... we sure didn't
want to leave the house

without saying good-bye to you.

- That's all.
- All right.

- Better get on your way, then.
- Yeah.

Ooh! Excuse me, Pa.

Come on, Hoss, we got a...

- we got a full day's work.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Good-bye.

Bye.

- Oh, come on in, Clem.
- Joe.

Pa's over there, uh, having
breakfast. Come on in.

You managing to stay
out of the way of the law?

Oh, sure. Yeah, Hoss and I
are just on our way to work.

- Hoss!
- What?

- Hoss, we're on our... we're on our way...
- Oh.

- We're on our way to work.
- Oh, yeah, to work. Right.

- Oh, hi, Clem.
- Hoss.

Good-good to see
you again, Clem.

Mmm. Yeah.

Clem, come on in.

Have a cup of coffee.

Morning, Ben.

Good morning, Clem.

Hop Sing, bring in
a fresh cup, will you?

Something wrong with Hoss?

He looks terrible.

I don't know.

Been like that the
last couple of days.

I've been working him hard,

but it never
bothered him before.

I ought to go and...

well, I ought to have him
go in and see Doc Martin.

That's a good idea.

Could be just spring fever.

Yeah.

Well, I know, uh, you didn't
come all the way out here, Clem,

just to inquire after
my son's health.

What can I do for you?

Well, it... it's kind
of hard to explain.

I'd like you to come to town
and have a look yourself.

Well, all right.

Finish your coffee,
and we'll go into town.

Fine.

Well, there it is,
same as out front.

It's under both doors
and all the windows.

Bank manager noticed it
the last three, four days.

Every morning, they clean it up.

Then the next
morning, it's back again.

Clem, this just doesn't
make any sense.

I mean, what kind of idiot

would want to pile
mud around like this?

Well, I don't know.

Well, must be a
bunch of kids playing.

No, I don't think so.

Kids break windows,
write on walls.

But somebody went
to a whole lot of trouble

to tote that much mud in here.

They sure did.

They surely did.

Well, I can't make
head or tail of it.

Neither can I.

Whatever the scheme is,
it's one I've never seen before.

Frankly, it's got me worried.

Ben, I need your help.

Well, all right.

What do you... what
do you want me to do?

Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.

Now, here's what
I figured we'd do.

It's nice and quiet.

Just a little bit longer,
and then we'll hit it.

I just hope there's half as
much money in the bank

as that kid said there'd be.

It was a lucky break,
running into him.

We might have hit it before
the gold shipment arrived.

I always knew whiskey
was good for something.

Well, here's to a
profitable evening.

Joe, look, I've been thinking...

Well, stop thinking.

It's all clear. Go
get the wagon.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Now, just think a minute.

What's going to happen if
nobody's gonna rob the bank?

What happens if nobody robs it?

In a month, me and the bank both

are going to be up
to our necks in mud.

Look, how many times
have I had to tell you...

Shh.

I thought I heard something.

They're in there.
They're in there.

I though they
might hit it tonight.

- Let's go get Clem.
- No.

No, we're not going to get Clem.

We're going to share
the glory with a man

who wouldn't even
believe us in the first place?

- Well...
- Besides...

besides, while we're
over there getting Clem,

they might get away.

- Yeah, but, Joe...
- No, no.

There's only one
thing we can do.

You've got to rush them.

- Wait a minute, Joe... wait a minute.
- No.

Now, when I count
to three, hit that door.

Ready?

One, two, three.

You got him, Hoss?

Yeah.

Hold on. I'll get the light lit.

All right.

Get still or I'll
break it. I'll break it.

Hoss...

Hoss, don't-don't...
don't break it.

Hi, Pa.

You're sitting on me.

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

- Here, Pa, let me...
- Take your hands off me!

Clem, you all right?

I'm all right, I guess.

Hand me my hat.

Yes, sir.

Yeah, here's your hat, Pa.

- It's all...
- Stop cleaning it! Just hand it to me!

But, Pa, I just... Be quiet.

Walk out of here and walk
straight to the jailhouse.

You hear? Move.

Wait!

Hand me your guns.
Hand me your guns.

Before you make another
mistake and shoot your father.

I'll be along in a minute.

I'll have to fix this door.

Keep moving on to the jail.

That was close.

It could have been us.

Those were the two drifters

I was talking to in the
saloon the other day.

That deputy's a
little bit smarter

than I figured.

What'll we do?

Let's go back to the hotel.

I'll figure something out.

- Pa, we're sorry...
- Pa, we're sorry about your eye.

Oh!

It begins to make
a little bit of sense.

It all begins to make
some sense now.

You two were the ones
who slopped that mud

all around the
bank, weren't you?

Well, yeah.

Well, we slopped
a little mud around.

Why in heaven's
name did you do that?

Why?!

Well, uh, well, you see,

we-we were gonna
catch-catch the bank robbers.

Uh, because th-they would
have the mud on their boots

if-if they robbed the bank,
and then we'd know it was them.

See, it-it's all right here
in the book, Chapter 14.

Put that book away!

Pa, we didn't think
that we were...

That's right.

You're absolutely right, Hoss.

You didn't think.

But you are gonna
have time to think.

You are going to
have time to think.

Clem!

I want you to keep these two

in here for some time.

You, uh, sure that's
what you want, Ben?

I've never been so sure
of anything in my life.

Never.

Now boys, I'm gonna go home,

and I'm going to sit in front
of that beautiful fireplace.

And I'm going
to try to figure out

where I went wrong as a father.

Joseph, that's the last time

I'm gonna ever listen to you.

Hoss, I never told you it
would be easy being a detective.

A detective?

Joseph, we ain't detectives.

We're prisoners!

Hop Sing?

Hop Sing!

Mr. Cartwright, Hop
Sing heat dinner one time.

Hop Sing heat dinner
again, again and again.

Start out with a roast this big.

Now roast is this big.

You not come home
for dinner on time,

Hop Sing no cook.

What happened to your eye?

Never mind what
happened to my eye.

I'm in no mood to
listen to your troubles.

I have enough of my own.

Now, just be good enough to
serve me my dinner, please.

Where Mr. Hoss, Little Joe?

Hoss and Joe are in jail.

All right.

In jail?!

Hop Sing go get wagon.

We go to town, we get them out.

I have no intention
of going into town.

I have no intention
of getting them out.

I have just finished
putting them in.

And don't ask me why.

But Mr. Hoss get hungry in jail.

He used to Hop Sing cooking.

Then he'll have to get
used to the cooking in jail.

Now, serve me my dinner, please.

Think I was
putting them into jail

to starve them to
death or something,

the way he carries on.

A day in jail would
be good for them.

Thank you, Hop Sing.

Hop Sing, I'm in no
mood for any jokes.

Just bring the roast.

Bread, water good
enough for son,

bread, water good
enough for father.

Well, he's right.

He's right, he's
right, he's right.

I should get them out of there.

Well, I will.

But it's the last time.

The last time.

Nothing moving at all

since that fellow left
the sheriff's office.

Yeah, nothing moving now,

but I don't want to
start cracking that safe

and having the
deputy walk in on me.

With him all spooked
up about those drifters

trying to rob the bank,
he just might do it.

Wait a minute.

What would happen
if those two drifters

were to break out of jail?

Well, how could they?

They might just have a
friend who would help them.

So, they bust out,

and the next morning,
the law finds out

the bank has been robbed.

And the posse
takes out after them,

and we sit here
and count the money

until we're ready to take
the stage to San Francisco.

Beautiful!

What do you want?

Hoss.

- Come on, wake up.
- Hmm?

- Hmm?
- Wake up!

You know, you boys
can get ten years in jail

for trying to rob
a bank like that.

But you don't
understand. We didn't...

We-we-we didn't get anything.

You got caught.
That's all it takes.

They'll throw the book at you.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you wait till
we get out of here.

Yeah. Oh, look, if we
could only get out of here.

Come on, give us... give
us a break and let us out.

What do you think, Simms?

Well, they did me
a good turn once.

Why not?

Oh, all right.

They're just a couple
of poor drunks anyway.

Now, you take my advice

and get out of town
just as fast as you can.

- You betcha.
- Oh, I'll take your advice, mister.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

They're letting
out the two of us.

See how Clem is.

He's all right.

- He's gonna sleep well.
- Let's go.

That banker wasn't fooling

when he said they had
up-to-date equipment.

This one'll take at
least three minutes.

What do you think
we ought to do?

One of them's probably on guard.

We'll hide here and jump
them when they come out.

All right.

Clem?

In here.

Well, I think maybe the boys
have had enough time to think...

Clem?

What the heck happened to you?

Oh, somebody
knocked on the door.

I went out to see who it was,

and that's all I remember.

I'll have a look at that.

I-I'm sorry.

- Is it all right?
- Oh, I'm all right.

Well, uh... Where are my sons?

The last time I saw
them, they were in this cell.

They were saying
something about the bank.

The bank. The bank.

The bank.

♪♪

♪♪

No!

- Oh, Joe?
- Hoss?

- Yeah, you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

A little tougher than I thought.

Didn't figure on
the four of them.

Get inside. Get a light.

- We'll see what we got here.
- Right.

Oh, we did it. We've done it.

Oh, yeah, good.

Good.

Oh.

Thanks for coming in and
testifying at the hearing.

Well, that's the last bank

those two will break
into for some time,

thanks to you.

Well, it's... it's all in
a day's work, Clem.

Well, Clem, I must say I'm,
uh, I'm proud of these two boys.

Thanks, Pa.

I, uh, don't always
agree with their methods,

but, uh, it's the
results that count.

Well, thanks again, boys.

Call on us any time, Clem.

Feel free.

Well, you boys, uh,
ready to go on home?

Pa, Pa, you know, since we...

since we did such a good job

and you're so
proud of us, right...

well, we was thinking
maybe that you might, uh,

you might give us a day off.

How about it?

Well, shucks.

I think you've earned it.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

- See you back home.
- Right. -Thanks, Pa.

- We'll see you.
- Watch yourself riding.

Yeah, take it easy, Pa.

We don't want to
see you get hurt.

Well, Joe, it's been
some week, ain't it?

Yeah, it has.

I must say I'm
glad to see it over.

Now all I want's
a nice cold beer,

- and a nice little...
- Hold it!

Piece of soft music. Huh?

Look over there.

See the fella walking
into the livery stable?

Yeah, what about him?

I'd swear I saw him

on one of the posters
in Clem's office.

I didn't get a good look at him,
but I think that might be him.

Now, the important thing to do

is to spread out, spread out.

Inspector Foote said
don't make yourself

an easy target, spread out.

All right, now, I want you
to go on around the back.

Soon as I know you're
ready, I'll go in the front.

Now... Hoss?

Hey, Hoss?

Hoss...

Hoss...

Chapter 14.

How to work alone.

♪♪

♪♪

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