Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 8, Episode 12 - A Real Nice, Friendly Little Town - full transcript

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(fanfare plays)

Well, that's game.

Ben, that's game.

That's two beers you owe me.

Come on, how about another one?

That young son of mine
should have been back by now.

Oh, Pa, it's gonna
take him quite a spell

to round up all them horses.

It doesn't have to
take this long, does it?



Oh, Ben, quit being
an old mother hen.

You know Little Joe
can take care of himself.

Here he comes now.

Why you riding like that,
Joe? What have you...

what have you got that
saddle all around you for?

Because I can't sit down.

Why not?

I got sh-shot.

Shot?!

Where?

Right in the middle
of the Ponderosa.

Help-help me down.

No. Wait!

Wait a minute. That's...



Easy. Easy. Easy!
Easy... (groaning)

(groaning continues)

Oh... no!

Who shot you, Joe?

(sighs) I don't... I don't know.

Well, what happened?

I was...

I was running
towards this fella, see.

Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute.

Were you running backwards?

No, I wasn't running backwards.

A bullet ricocheted off a
rock near Willow Creek.

Well, just don't stand there.

Do something.

Like what?

Like go after him.

Go after who?

The man that shot me.

Well, who was he?

I told you I don't know!

Joseph, Joseph, just calm down.

Calm down?

Now, let's try to make
some sense out of this.

Come on, now,
sit down over there.

Pa, I-I told you, I-I
can't sit down, Pa.

I can't sit...

What's this? Whose hat is this?

It's his hat.

Whose hat?

The man that... the
man that shot me's hat!

All right now, quiet
down everybody.

If a crime has been committed...

"If a crime has
been committed"?!

Did you hear that?

"If a crime has been committed."

Now, hold everything, Joe.

Just give me the
facts, will you?

Give him the facts.

All right, here are the facts.

Here are the facts.

I'm riding along,
Pa, peacefully.

I'm riding along, I
ride over a ridge.

There I see a man
lassoing one of our horses.

I get off my horse, and I
start to go towards him.

He shoots at me.

I shoot at him, he shoots at me.

I think, I think I hit
him in the left shoulder.

And I know where he hit me.

Then I-I shot that
hat off his head.

(laughs) Seems like you fellas

were playing a little
game of heads and tails.

(chuckles sarcastically)

You...

There's a name in
here, J. Rikeman.

- (grunts)
- That mean anything to you?

Never heard of him.

What did he look like, Joe?

I don't know.

He was too-too far away.

Well, I'll do some
investigating as soon as I can.

As soon as you can?
How soon is that?

Well, I don't know.

I got to meet Sheriff Coffee in
Carson City tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry, Joe.

(scoffs)

Well, look, if you're,
if you're just gonna

let murderers get
away scot-free,

maybe we could use a
new deputy around here.

Now, wait a minute, Joe.

Wait a minute.

Could you send,
uh, the other deputy?

Well, he's got the measles, Ben.

"Got the measles."

Measles.

I'm sorry, I can't do
anything right now.

Well, could you
deputize somebody else?

Well, like who?

Want to give it a try, Hoss?

It's all right,
brother, forget it.

Forget it.

Let the man who tried
to murder your brother,

your own brother, your
own flesh and blood,

let him ride away.

Let him get away scot-free.

Forget I asked you.

I'll swear you in.

Do you?

I do.

You are.

(sighs)

I think I'll, uh,

go in the house, s-soak my feet.

(theme song playing)

Howdy.

Nice weather we're having, huh?

Tolerable.

I'm looking for a fella
by the name of Rikeman,

J. Rikeman. You
ever hear of him?

Nope.

Thanks.

Welcome.

♪♪

(birds singing)

(hoofbeats approaching)

Howdy, ma'am.

Hi.

(barking)

Hey.

(barking)

Howdy, boys.

Can't trust a man
Charlie don't like.

I reckon this is Charlie, huh?

That's Charlie.

Well, maybe he
just don't know me.

(Charlie growls)

Neither do we.

Yeah, the name's Cartwright.

Hoss Cartwright.

Ponderosa Cartwrights?

That's right.

May be wrong.

What you doing on
our patch of land?

I'm, uh, looking for a fella
by the name of Rikeman.

Well, I can open, fellas.

Which Rikeman?

Just J. Rikeman's all I know.

You a friend of his?

No. Uh, as a matter of
fact, I ain't never seen him.

I'm-I'm a special deputy.

I just want to ask
him some questions.

You aiming to arrest him?

Well, that... that
sort of depends.

So, um, you don't
know Rikeman, huh?

No. I ain't got much of a
description of him, neither.

Well... (laughs)

Maybe we can, uh,
help him out, huh, boys?

I'd appreciate that.

Well, Rikeman
has got two heads...

Each one of 'em meaner
than the other one...

Got four arms that
move like sidewinders

and four legs that
stomp like mules.

Uses a wagon
tongue for a toothpick,

and he can shoot a bumblebee
in the behind at 400 yards.

Just an ordinary sort
of fella, then, huh?

Might say that.

You've been a big help.

Thanks.

Welcome.

Beer.

No beer.

Milk?

No milk.

Water?

No charge.

Thanks.

Welcome.

(broom slaps bar)

(man clears his throat)

Up in the hills, we
got a lot of wild hogs.

Wild hogs got big noses.

Sometimes they put their
noses in the wrong place,

and when they do, they get bit.

I can see that news
travels fast around here.

Yeah.

Especially bad news.

Meaning what?

Meaning... don't be a hog.

Hey, we don't allow
no dogs around here.

He ain't mine.

(laughing)

I wasn't talking about him.

You know, this is
really and truly a nice,

friendly little town, yes, sir.

I've been here 20 minutes,
and in those 20 minutes,

I've been snapped at,
snipped at and snarled at,

and I got a funny feeling that
if I hang around much longer,

I'm liable to get shot at.

(clicks tongue)

I came into this
town looking for a fella

I've never seen before
named J. Rikeman.

Know very little about him.

One thing... He likes
to shoot at fellers.

Another thing is
he likes to freeload

on other peoples' broodmares.

I got another funny feeling.

I got a funny feeling
I just found him.

Put your gun up there on
the bar and slide it down.

Move.

You, too, buddy.

On the bar.

What's your name?

Rikeman, J.

Your name, not your initial.

J for Jeb.

Yours?

(laughs)

Judd.

Well...

looks like I hit the
jackpot, don't it, boys?

I didn't know your
kind came in bunches.

But if there's a dozen of you,

I'm gonna take you
back to Virginia City

and you're gonna stand trial.

Virginia City?

Oh, that's about 80,
100 miles from here.

I haven't been out of
town half a mile in a year.

Me neither.

That's good.

You can tell it to the judge.

Now, wait a minute, I
don't see any sense in that.

Jeb just told you he hasn't
been within miles of that place,

and I told you the same thing.

Now, it seems to me
that's about the end of it.

Besides, nobody
got killed, did they?

That's right.

Nobody did get killed.

But how did you know that?

Oh, he wasn't telling you.

He was just asking.

HOSS: Yeah?

Well, from now on, I'm
going to do the asking.

And you boys are
gonna do the answering.

Now let's get over
and see the sheriff.

I'm sure you've had occasion
to meet him several times.

Now, now just a minute.

You got any proof of
what you been saying?

I got all the proof
I need, buddy.

Now get moving.

(Judd laughs)

(Judd chuckles)

Kind of looks like your
percentage is gone.

Got a nice, even
fight right here.

Ain't you fellas a little bit
young for all this rough stuff?

Yeah, but you see,
we're gonna get older.

You mightn't.

(boys laughing)

Well, how do you want it?

For, uh, keeps or for fun?

All right. All right.

I'm getting just about sick
and tired of this town and you.

And that goes for
you, too, Charlie.

- (snarls, barks)
- HOSS: And all this talk.

Now, come on.

(grunts)

(barking)

(grunting)

(barking)

Oh!

I'm sorry, ma'am.
I'm terribly sorry.

Here, I'll help you
pick this stuff up.

We're having a little
disagreement in there.

There you are, ma'am.

(grunts)

(barking)

WOMAN: Let loose of 'em.

All right, you two, git.

I said to you, git!

- But, ma'am, these two...
- Let 'em out of here.

- Ma'am, I don't want them two...
- Now...

you pick up that
chair and sit down.

This is the second
time this month

this place has been busted up.

Well, don't we always
clean it up for you?

Give me my gun.

All right, you two, git.

We're just getting
our irons, Ma.

- Ma'am, I sure would like to...
- They won't go far.

When they're all heated up,
they'll just be more trouble.

You, uh, you ought
to relax some yourself.

Now, just... cool off.

(quietly): Hey, let
me see fatso's gun.

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?

(quietly): Ooh-hoo...

Reckon he'll be a real
little man now, huh?

Oh, come on, come on, come on.

You look like a real nice man.

What I can see of you.

What are you doing picking
on those two little boys?

"Two little boys"? Ha!

That's a laugh.

Meaning a couple of wild bulls,

those "two little
boys," as you call them.

Well... they...

they might be a little ornery...

but, uh... they're
real good hands,

they work real hard,
and out on the ranch

they're as quiet as a
couple of milk cows.

You know, this is a real
small town and they are young,

and maybe there isn't too much
excitement around here for 'em.

They work for you?

Well, that's a hard question...
Sometimes I don't know

whether they work for
me or I work for them.

I guess it's a little bit
of both. I'm their mother.

Ma'am, I... hate to
tell you this, but...

(sighs) one of your boys is
guilty of attempted horse theft

and assault with
a deadly weapon.

Well, you got, uh...
you got positive proof

that one of my boys
did what you say?

No, ma'am, I ain't
got proof positive,

but there's lots of
circumstantial evidence.

Any horses took?

No, ma'am.

Any money took?

No.

Anybody got shot?

Yeah.

Yeah, somebody got shot.

My little brother got
shot, that's who got shot.

Where was he shot?

Well, he was shot in the...

He was shot...

well, where the...
person meets the saddle.

Well, that don't sound
too serious to me.

Well, how would you
like to get shot in the...?

Well, is your
brother all right now?

Well, he can't sit down.

Well...

you know, you look like a
real reasonable young man.

And on the basis of what
you have just told me...

mister, you can go
shinny up a gum tree.

You think I'm gonna turn
over one of my boys to you

or to anybody
else, you are wrong.

Mister, your case
is a bottle short.

Uh, ma'am, why don't we
let the court decide that?

Strange court in a strange town,

with the judge scratching
the sheriff's back

and the sheriff scratching
the judge's back.

They're both up for election,

and the local people are
breathing down their necks.

A man would have a fine
chance in a court like that.

Besides, in my opinion, it
just ain't much of a crime.

My boys are young
and they're feisty

and a little bit rougher than
most, but they ain't criminals.

- The meeting's now adjourned.
- Ma'am...

may I just suggest that they...
they try to clear themselves?

Is your brother a young fella?

Yes'm.

He's got lots of
time to sit down.

♪♪

Freddie, have you seen my gun?

- Here.
- Ah. Very good.

Thanks.

Welcome.

♪♪

(chuckles) I bumped
into that lady a while ago

and knocked all...
(Hoss chuckles)

♪♪

♪♪

(barking)

You know...

can't trust a man
that Charlie don't like.

- (Charlie barks)
- (Hoss barking)

(Charlie whining)

Pretty lively little
ruckus over there.

Saw most of it from here.

Didn't go over, though.

Can't stand the
sight of blood. Heh.

Chaw?

No, thanks.

You ought to.

I've been chawing
since I was seven.

Tobacco kills the germs
so as your gums don't rot.

You in, uh, some
sort of trouble?

Nope.

Just doing my job.

In town to pick up a fella
by the name of Rikeman.

Oh, then you are in trouble.

Which one you
after, Jeb or Judd?

Well, there's sort
of a problem there.

I... I don't know
which one I'm after.

Well, whoever it is you
want, whatever was it he did?

Well, he tried to steal a
horse and he shot a man.

Kill him?

Nope.

Too bad.

Could've used the business.

You a sheriff?

Nope. I'm just a special
deputy that's... sent into town

to pick up Rikeman and take
him back to stand trial, that's all.

And you can't figure out which
one you want... that about it?

(sniffs) That's about it.

Well, that is a problem,
all right, all right.

Now, the Rikeman
boys, they ain't killers.

Of course, there ain't
a henhouse in town

they ain't thieved, and...

(chuckles) Neighbors
all grease their pigs

when they see the
Rikeman boys coming.

Maybe they steal just
out of plain cussedness.

They ain't never thieved a bank

or shot anybody or
anything important like that.

They're just trying
to be real outlaws

and just can't seem to make it.

Yeah.

Give 'em time.

You might be right.

They're mean
enough for anything.

(chuckles) Eh, but Willie Mae,

she keeps both of 'em
on a right short rein.

Yeah, quite a woman,
Willie Mae. Yeah.

You sure you don't want a chaw?

(sighs)

You ought to have a chaw.

Hardens up the jaw muscles.

Could you tell me where
the sheriff's office is at?

Well... half the
time it's in the jail,

and the other half the
time it's in the saloon.

Now, if he ain't
in jail, he's drunk.

If he ain't in the
saloon, he's broke.

Well, now he
ain't in the saloon,

so he must be in the jail.

It's down the street.

Thanks.

It won't do you
much good, though.

The sheriff, he's
a real character.

He ain't normal like
the rest of us folks here.

Putting him in charge
of the hoosegow

is like putting a fox in
charge of the chickens.

He likes his liquor,

ain't shot his
gun in five years,

except maybe to
chase off a few crows,

and he's yellower than a
dry cornstalk. (chuckles)

Otherwise, he's a...
he's a pretty nice fella.

You sure you don't want a chaw?

- No, thanks.
- Have it your own way.

Uh, you, uh, you need
any business, though,

you call on me.

I shave 'em cleaner and keener,

and bury 'em deeper and cheaper.

Thanks.

Welcome.

Howdy.

You, uh... you the sheriff?

I guess I am.

What's on your mind?

Well, I... I got
sort of a problem.

You got a problem?

I got sciatica, my
wife's got the croup,

and I ain't been
paid in four months.

And you got a problem. Ha!

Well, let's have it.

Well, I... I've been
deputized to come here

and pick up a man
for questioning.

Questioning for what?

For horse-thieving
and shooting at a man.

Who do you claim shot him?

Fella by the name of Rikeman.

Just one man named Rikeman?

That's right.

Well, now, that's different.

We got two Rikemans here.

Which one was it?

I-I don't know.

He don't know.

What do you think
of that, Skinny?

When you find out, come back.

If I do, will I get a warrant?

No.

Why not?

Until I get paid my
wages, I don't do nothing.

Well, I reckon that sort of
leaves me on my own, don't it?

And good luck to you.

Oh, uh, if there's any shooting,

don't expect me
to come a-running.

No.

Don't worry, I won't.

And by the way,

you get this varmint
off my back, or...

(slams desk)

pop goes the weasel.

Thanks.

- Welcome.
- Welcome.

You still in town?

(sighs): Yeah.

You know, Freddie, a
peculiar thing about this town.

You look at it from a distance

and it's as pretty
as a wildflower.

But you get in close
and take a good look at it

and it takes on the
appearance of a cactus...

It's thorny, sticky
and poisonous.

You talk real pretty.

Yeah.

Freddie, maybe
you can talk pretty.

I need some information.

Sorry, we just plumb
ran out of information.

Freddie...

where do the Rikeman
boys hang out?

Look, like I said, we're
fresh out of information.

But we just got in a
big supply of advice.

You're too nosy for your own...

Don't hit me, mister.

Don't you hit me.

I'm a sick man.

Yeah. Yep, you sure are at that.

That's using your
head, young feller.

Too many people using
their fists around here.

Now how about a touch?

It might ease your temper.

No, thanks.

(breathlessly): Tastes
like formaldehyde.

Why do you drink it?

It's all you've got.

You talk to the sheriff?

Yep.

Was I right?

Right as rain.

Well, I guess you'll saddle up

and trot on home, huh?

No, sir.

No, sir. I came here to do
a job, and I'm going to do it.

That's the kind of
talk I like to hear.

You know, I still think
it was the Rikemans

stole them bronze
handles off that coffin

I had sent up here for
ol' Colonel Atchison.

Well, they might act
a little rough at times,

but they're local boys and
they're good customers.

I wish they was
customers of mine.

Well, good luck.

Maybe them Rikemans will
get buggy-whipped after all.

Well, you can't fish
a stream that's dry.

I ain't been able
to locate them.

No line on 'em, huh?

(sighs): Nope.

This town is full of advice
but danged little information.

Well, I'll tell you now.

You go out that door, you
ride south for a mile and a half,

turn left at Superstition
Fork for a half-mile

and you'll see what looks
like an overgrown outhouse

standing there mean and
nasty behind a stand of wild oaks.

There's also a rickety barn
filled with stolen saddles

and probably a
re-branded steer or two.

There's no telling what or
who you might find out there.

Are you sure you won't have
a touch just to get you going?

No, thanks.

Well, if anybody
should turn up dead,

and I hope it ain't you, I'd
appreciate the business.

I know, cheaper
and deeper, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Welcome.

♪♪

(laughing)

If you ever expect to
be a deputy around here,

you'd better settle down, boy.

(wind whistling)

♪♪

(chickens clucking)

(Hoss yells)

HOSS: Hey! Hey, let
me down from here!

Confound it, cut
me down from here!

Hey, you two, cut me down
here, you two little skunks!

Dad-burnit, quit playing games

and cut me down from
here, you two jackasses.

- Swing the bear. Swing the bear!
- (whooping)

- Hey. Hey, let me down from here.
- Swing the bear!

- Hey, you two...
- (whooping)

- Swing the bear!
- Dad-burnit, cut me down here,

- you two little skunks!
- Swing the bear!

(whooping, hollering)

- Swing the bear!
- You better hope your ma's here

to protect you when I
get down... Get me down!

- (whooping)
- Swing the bear!

Hold it!

(laughing)

WILLIE MAE: I said hold it!

- Oh, Ma.
- Come on, Ma.

Well, what are you
hanging around here for?

Well, just visiting, ma'am.

Just visiting.

No, Ma, he was trespassing.

- We got a right to do whatever...
- Shut up.

Now, you have been butting
these two little boys around

like a billy goat, and you've
been making serious charges.

Now let's just quit
all this butting around

and have a showdown right now.

Well, that suits me fine, ma'am.

That's fair enough.

Oh, come on, Ma.

Just... let me
just hit him once.

Shut up.

Let him down.

(grunts)

(sighs)

Thanks.

- Welcome.
- Welcome.

All right, now,

you claim that one of
these boys did something

and they claim
that they-they didn't.

Somebody's lying.

I stand with my boys.

Now you're on
trial here, not them.

Well, ma'am, it appears
that these little boys of yours

are closer than a
couple of buckwheats,

- but one of 'em...
- Well, I heard all that before.

Uh, you got any evidence?

Yes'm, I sure do.

I didn't come all this way
without some evidence.

You can bet on that.

This hat...

this hat was found at
the scene of the crime.

Exhibit "A," Your Honor.

Well, all it is is a
hat with a hole in it.

Uh-huh.

And with a name in it.

"J. Rikeman."

Jeb, you lose a hat?

No, ma'am.

Judd?

No, ma'am.

Ma'am, that hat is pretty
damaging evidence.

Well, somebody
could have stole it.

Well, when did
all this take place?

Two days ago. Tuesday.

Jeb, where were you on Tuesday?

Well... seems to me

I was back in the
barn all day, uh...

soaping up some saddles.

Judd?

(clears throat)
Let me see, uh...

I-I think I was in town,
uh, fighting Rog Jones.

Oh, that was
Monday I fought Rog.

You'd better do
some remembering.

Yeah.

I know where I was.

I-I was down near the creek
chasing some stray sheep.

Well, you know that
we don't own no sheep.

Yeah, but I figured it
was about time we did,

and, well, pickings get pretty
lean around here at times, Ma.

Ma.

Now, this is the third or
fourth time that I told you.

Maybe we'll starve,
but we'll starve honest.

(whining): I did it for you, Ma.

I suppose you shot
that man for me, too.

No, Ma, honest I didn't.

Ask Jeb.

I had my hat on,
too, didn't I, Jeb?

Well...

Now, son, I want the truth.

To be fair, Judd, I-I
remember seeing you, all right.

Like-like when you come
in the barn all tuckered out,

kind of breathing hard and...

Yeah, yeah, but that-that
was... that was from chasing

- that sheep, Jeb, now, it was.
- Well, but what I don't remember

is... I don't remember
did you have your hat on.

JUDD: Oh, now, Jeb, Jeb,
please, you got to remember. Now,

I might've taken my hat
off later or something,

but I had it when I
came back. I had it on.

Now think hard, son...
And I don't want you to lie...

Did he have his hat on or not?

Well, um... I hate to
do this to you, Judd,

but I have to tell the truth.

Ma, I don't think he did.

Jeb.

Well, take him away.

I, uh, tried to raise
him decent. I-I, uh...

I did my best.

But I guess when
all you got is a...

piece of scrub ground
and no husband and...

I'm sorry, ma'am. I am.

- What'll happen to him?
- Well...

Ain't nothing gonna happen
to him 'cause he ain't going!

- You put that gun away.
- No, Ma.

Listen, I didn't try
to steal that horse

and I-I didn't gun
that man neither.

Now, Jeb, you stay here and
you help Ma 'cause I'm leaving.

Now you do like I say.

If you're not guilty
like you claim,

nothing is going
to happen to you.

But if you run off,

I swear to you you'll never
be welcome on our land again.

There.

Well, maybe it's
not all his fault.

Maybe a... lot of
the blame's with me.

I might've treated him
like he was too young or...

like he was too
old. I don't know.

All right, mister. He's yours.

Ma'am, as it turns out...

he's not the one I want.

What happened to that arm, Jeb?

Well, uh, just a scratch.
Um, I scratched it on a tree.

Looks like a bullet wound to me.

It's a burn.

My little brother said he might
have winged him in the left arm.

Jeb?

Well, all right, I shot
him, but I didn't mean to.

I was just trying
to scare him off.

About that mare, Ma, I just
figured we could use her.

Yeah, I know you did it for me.

But you let your own brother...

No, I wasn't gonna let him down!

I was gonna chase 'em
along, behind-behind the trail,

you know? And then I
was gonna bushwhack him.

Judd, you believe that?

No, Ma.

You tried to lay the
blame on me, huh?

- You tried to I...
- (grunting)

- Boys. Hey, boys...
- No, let 'em be.

No, it's okay.

Hey, you're gonna take
one of my boys away,

and I don't even know your name.

Cartwright, ma'am.
Hoss Cartwright.

Ponderosa Cartwrights?

Yes'm, that's-that's it.

Want a drink?

Yes'm, I'd like one. Thank you.

I hear your pa's
a real fine man.

Well, we think so.

Yeah, you're lucky.

You're real lucky to have
a pa like Ben Cartwright.

You got a ma?

No.

Every boy ought to have a ma.

But if he had his choice,

I reckon every boy
would rather have a pa.

(grunting)

It is real hard raising a
couple of wild buffaloes.

You know, a boy needs a man
to teach him how to hunt and fish

and work and ride and be a man

instead of an animal. Yeah.

With a girl, it's different.

Ma'am, don't you
think I ought to...?

No, no, no, no, they...

That happens all the time.

You know, my husband, bless him,

he had a real quick
temper, just like them.

And he had a-a hard
fist and a dry throat,

but he never drew a
gun on a man in his life,

and I sure do hate to see
one of my boys starting.

You know, maybe
it's a good thing

that this thing happened now.

Make your mistakes when
you're young enough to fix 'em.

(grunting)

What'll happen to him?

(sighs) Well, ma'am,

I don't know what
the... what the penalty is

for shooting a man in the...

well, where he...

Where his person
meets the saddle?

(chuckles) Yeah.

There wasn't no
horse stolen, and...

and the shooting was accidental,
my little brother said that.

Maybe they won't do nothing
more than just fine him.

Well, I just hope
it's a little one.

We just spent our last
four dollars on books.

I was... I was hoping that I
could teach 'em how to read.

Yeah.

(grunting)

(panting)

(grunts)

(panting)

You know, Hoss,

that is the first time that
Judd ever whipped Jeb.

Well, maybe that's 'cause
he knew he was right, ma'am.

Son, here's something for
you and Hoss to eat on the road.

Well, we'd better
get on the way.

It's gonna be dark before long.

You ain't mad at
me, are you, Judd?

No, Jeb.

Bye, Ma.

Y'all take good
care of her, now.

We'll be waiting for you, son.

I hated to make such a
nuisance of myself, Mrs. Rikeman.

You've been mighty cooperative.

Thanks.

Welcome!

You know, if we'd
been in a real gunfight,

you'd have been in
a whole lot of trouble.

Oh, yeah?

How is that?

Well, why don't you just take
out your gun and shoot it some?

Shoot at what?

Oh, anything.

Whoa.

(gunshots)

You mean like that?

But-but I-I put the...

I reckon you must have fixed it.

Yeah. I did that, Jeb.

Let me tell you something, boy.

I don't wear this gun
in a pair of diapers.

I check it and I
clean it every night.

A gun can either be your
best friend or your worst enemy.

And don't you forget it.

You got to learn
to respect 'em, Jeb.

That's one thing among
many you've got yet to learn.

Yeah, I know.

Boy, there's a whole
mess of things I got to learn.

Yeah.

You know, nobody in our
family ever been in jail before.

Like my pa, I...

I never shot anybody in my life.

See, I shot towards
your brother, not at him.

I was scared, I guess.

Must have been
a ricochet got him.

(exhales) Boy, I'm sure
glad he ain't hurt bad.

Funny thing is,

the one gets hurt
the most is Ma.

She always tried so hard to
do good with me and Judd.

You know, Jeb,

that was a dad-burned
fool thing I just done,

shooting up your hat,
the only evidence I got.

Can't have much of a case
against you without it, can we?

(Hoss sighs)

Well, I reckon there
ain't but one thing to do

and that's let you go.

You get on back to your ma, boy.

But... I want you
to remember this.

If you ever do anything
to hurt your ma again, boy,

I'll come after you personally

and you'll have to answer to me.

You remember that.

Now git.

Thanks!

Welcome.

(hoofbeats approaching)

Well, it's about
time he showed up.

Well, good to see you back.

Howdy, Pa, Joe.

- Well, uh...
- How'd it go?

Did you-you find him?

Well, in a way.

What do you mean "in a way"?

Well, I mean I found
him, but he got away.

That's what I mean.

How come?

Well, he... he was big,
Pa, and mean. Whew.

Hoss, I-I just don't think you
were cut out to be a lawman.

Yeah.

Yeah, I... I reckon
I wasn't at that, Pa.

But I'll tell you, I
learned something.

I learned to be grateful.

For what?

To you for being such a good pa

to Joe and me and Adam.

Teaching us how to
hunt and fish and...

ride and work and...
just stuff like that.

Just... everything in general.

Just grateful. Anything
wrong with that?

No.

No, there isn't.

Oh, I-I want you to know
how grateful I am to you

for what a wonderful
job you've done for me.

Thanks.

Welcome.

(scoffs)

- I'm glad he's back.
- Now, what was that all about?

Ow! (whimpering)

Your move.

(strained): Yeah, my move.

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