Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 6, Episode 10 - Old Sheba - full transcript

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JOE: That's it.

[GRUNTING]

Ready.

Down now.

[SIGHS]

Twenty-four, well done, Hoss.

That's it.

Unh, Joe, this old wagon's
getting mighty heavy.

JOE: Heh, You gotta suffer
a little bit to be champion.



[SIGHS]

You sure we're going
about this the right way, Joe?

JOE: Of course, I am positive,
please. Let me do the thinking.

All right, 25. How
about it now? Come on!

[GRUNTS]

That's it. That's it!

Good. Very good. All
right. Let her down easy.

Easy. Unh! Oh!

Oh, I told you to be careful.
You know I've got a bad back.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Joe.
- Oh, that's all right.

I'll be all right in a minute.

[HOSS PANTING]

I'm bushed.

Well, that was three
more than yesterday.



You're in shape.

Joe, you don't reckon we're going off
on the deep end with this whole idea.

- You're not getting scared, are you?
- No. I ain't scared.

That bunch you got me
picking up everything,

pushing and pulling
everything on the ranch,

I'm gonna be so pooped I
can't get into Virginia City.

Hoss, that's called
conditioning, conditioning.

Yeah.

And we've gone along
with it this far, haven't we?

With this training program. All
right, just trust me a little bit more.

Yeah.

I'll let you do the
managing, Joe,

but it seems to me like
I'm doing all the work.

[CHUCKLES] Hoss.

Hoss, I'm giving you half
of my winnings, aren't I?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Joe.
- That's all right.

All right, you ready for
the thumping exercises?

Let's have at it.

Okay. You ready,
Hoss? All right.

Ah, let's do something
different, your head's in shape.

- We'll work on the body.
- All right.

All set?

All right. Unh.

You're getting there.
You're, heh, getting there.

You all set, brother?

Whoa!

Hoss, you're there.
You are there.

What's going on here?

Oh, hi, Pa.

I'm in training.

You're in training?

- In training for what?
- Oh, I, uh...

Well, tell him, manager.

Well, you know that circus that's
coming in town in a few days, Pa?

Yeah.

They have a wrestler in the circus.
His name is, uh, Bearcat Sampson.

- Mm-hm.
- Well, they will give $100

to any man who can pin this
Bearcat Sampson in five minutes.

Heh, and you're the
one who's gonna do it.

We sure are.

Hoss,

heh, heaven knows you're
as sturdy as a Missouri Mule,

but this Bearcat Sampson,
or whatever his name is,

he's a professional wrestler.
He makes his living at it.

Pa, Pa, Hoss is in
shape. Look at him.

This Bearcat won't
stand a chance with him.

You can't knock
him off his feet.

Hoss,

this man knows
every trick in the book.

Now, do you really think
you're ready for him?

Well, I don't know, Pa, but I sure
hate to think about all this training

we've been going through
to just going to waste.

Well, if you wanna get your
lumps, don't let me stop you.

JOE: Thanks, Pa. Don't
worry. We'll be careful.

Oh, ahem. I'll, uh...

I'll straighten
all them out, Pa.

- Start straightening right now.
- Yes, sir.

They'll be good as
new by breakfast.

I want you two to do me a favor.

- Sure, Pa.
- Oh, sure, Pa.

Now, when Mr. Ramsey
from the railway company

comes over this afternoon
to discuss putting that spur

across a piece of our property?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Sure. What do you want?

Will you two stay out of sight?

I don't want him to think that
whatever your problem is, is hereditary.

[SIGHS]

TWEEDY: See Bearcat
Sampson take on all challengers.

That's it, dear, cut right in
there and I'll start right away.

Hurry, hurry, hurry!

See Bearcat Sampson
take on all challengers!

Come on. Get in
here, folks. Come on.

All right. Go ahead.

As you folks know, the Tweedy
Circus is prepared to pay $100

to any man who can throw and pin
Bearcat Sampson in a five-minute fall.

Oh, Bearcat.

[CROWD BOOING]

[BEARCAT YELLS]

Hey, Joe, he does
look professional to me.

Who, him?

He's all brains and no
brawn, you'll murder him.

He's never run into
anything like you before.

- You reckon?
- Heh, we'll pin him.

We'll flatten him. We'll
literally rip him limb from limb.

We? Where are you
getting that we stuff?

Wait a minute,

you think you'd be
sitting here right now

if it wasn't for me?

I reckon you're
right, Joe. Thanks.

What are brothers for?

And for a try at the $100 today,

we got, uh, Hoss Cartwright.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[MAN WHISTLES]

Oh, God love him, but I think that
Missouri Mule-like brother of mine

is about to be had.

Oh, he looks in pretty
good condition to me.

Well, you're not forgetting that
he's being managed by Little Joe.

Yeah, I know,

but, just the same, I'll bet you
your next month's wages on Hoss.

Well, now, I don't like betting against
my own kin, but money is money.

You're on.

And now, folks, the
big contest will begin.

Bearcat, come here.

MAN: Come on.

- Cartwright, come on.
- This is it.

[CROWD CHEERING]

JOE: Blind him
with foot work, Hoss.

Now, you both know the rules.

Understand?

You pin old Bearcat in five
minutes and the $100 is yours.

Let's go.

[SHOUTS]

- Go! JOE: Go on, Hoss.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD BOOING]

Come on, Hoss. Get him.

Get up.

Get over to him. Give it to him.

[CROWD BOOING]

[HOSS SCREAMS]

[ALL CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[MAN WHISTLES]

[ALL CHEERING]

Come on, Hoss.

Squeeze him, squeeze him, unh.

[BEARCAT GROANING]

I'm gonna get a month's
free wages out of you.

He hasn't won yet.

All right. Pin him.

Hoss, stop
squeezing and pin him.

Hoss, the time's
running out. Pin him!

Time.

Time!

[CROWD BOOING]

Well, that extra month's pay is
sure gonna come in handy, ahem.

Hoss hadn't froze at the handle,
he'd had pinned Bearcat easily.

There's no doubt about
it. He's a big, strong boy,

but gotta play by the rules, Pa.

The rules.

Well, you keep up the smart talk,
boy, I'll give you some rules to follow.

Oh, my ribs. I
think they're busted.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bearcat.

I guess I just got carried
away or something.

You got carried away, all right.

Didn't you hear Mr. Tweedy
say you had to pin him,

pin him to the ground?

You mean we ain't
gonna get that 100?

You heard the rules.

All my managing wasted.

[SIGHS]

I sure feel bad about
this, Mr. Tweedy.

You feel bad? How
do you think he feels?

We better get him to a doctor.
Come on, let's give him a hand.

[BEARCAT GROANING]

Sure hope I didn't bust
none of old Bearcat's ribs.

You sure knocked us out of a
$100 by squeezing him so long.

[DOOR OPENS]

You did it, Hoss Cartwright.

Cracked four of Bearcat's ribs.

We sure didn't do it
intentionally, Mr. Tweedy.

That ain't the point.

First, I lost all my wild
animals at Carson City

and now, Bearcat's liable to be
laid up two, maybe three weeks,

and outside of Old Sheba,

I haven't got any other
attraction for the Tweedy Circus.

Who's Old Sheba?

A lop-eared elephant
who pulls the circus wagon.

I sure am sorry, Mr. Tweedy.

Feeling sorry ain't gonna keep
the Tweedy Circus from going under

- or feed Bearcat's wife and five kids.
- Five kids?

With a wife.

I sure wish there was
something I could do.

Well, now, son,

there just might be now.

How could you even think
of doing a thing like that?

Well, uh, Pa, all we did
was promise Mr. Tweedy

that I'd take Bearcat's
place just for three weeks

just till he got back
on his feet again.

Mr. Tweedy's in real,
real, bad straights.

Oh, he's in real, real bad straights.
What about me? I need you here.

We've got to supply the ties for that
railroad contract I signed with Ramsey.

Uh, if we'd have known about
that, Pa, then we never would've

signed that contract
with Mr. Tweedy.

You signed a
contract with Tweedy?

Oh, yes, sir.

Bearcat's five little
kids were involved, Pa.

- Oh. HOSS: And a wife.

I think you better let them go.

Give them a chance to
see the cold, cruel world.

You stay out of this, Adam.

So your contract with Tweedy

is more important than
my contract with Ramsey?

Is he paying you
as much as I am?

[CHUCKLES]

I'm glad you asked that.

You see, Pa, me and
Little Joe are gonna split $25

for every wrestling match.

Twenty-five dollars after
every wrestling match.

Win or lose?

- Huh?
- I don't... Little Joe, what?

Well, you know,
you gotta win them.

You make sure that Tweedy pays
you for the ones that you might win.

Now, look, we've been with you for
three and a half weeks now, Angus.

Bearcat's fine. He can
go back into the ring.

We've made our final
tally. You owe us $400.

Boys, as I look back, uh,

I think I was a little
hasty in making our deal.

Meaning what?

Well, expenses are high
nowadays, mighty high

and, well, the truth is

I'm flat broke.

That couldn't be because of those
high-stake poker games you get into

in every single
town we hit, could it?

- Now, see here, Cartwright...
- Now, you see here, Mr. Tweedy.

Little Joe's right and you know it.
Every penny we've made for you

just goes in one hand right out the
other in dang poker games you play.

Yeah.

- Well, I won a few hands too.
- Fine, that's fine.

Then all you gotta do is pay us

the 400 honest American
dollars you owe us, right now.

Our money, Mr. Tweedy.

But you boys don't understand.

There's children involved
and a little mother.

Now, listen, Tweedy,

Hoss and I were honest with you.
We were real, real honest with you.

And all we want is the
$400 you owe us right now.

Now, now, violence will get you
nothing. I'll pay you some way.

[DOOR OPENS]

- Hey, Pa.
- Pa, how are you?

- Well, the lost souls return.
- Hey, heh.

- Well, it's good to see you.
- Good to see you.

- Adam, how you doing?
- BEN: Heh.

Yes, sir, were back and me
and little Joe ain't above saying,

- it's nice to be aboard again.
- Pa, we are educated.

BEN: Well, it's sure
good to have you back.

Amen. One more week with
that slave-driving father of ours

and I'd have been ready
to take up wrestling myself.

[ALL LAUGH]

Your older brother's
learned a little appreciation

while you boys have been gone.

Break up the team and
it gets a little tougher.

- Right.
- Huh?

Well, Hoss, you won
them all, didn't you?

Oh, Pa, I'm just lucky.

Lucky heck, Pa, it
was fantastic, really.

Nobody could dent him, one
right after the other, pinned them all.

Now, Joe, don't get
carried away. I was...

Hoss, it must have been good.
Look at all the money you made.

Well, Little Joe
wrote about the $400.

Yeah, but you told us once, Pa,

a little bit of a 100 percent
is better than nothing at all.

A sad story is about to begin.

Now, we didn't come empty-handed,
if that's what you're getting at.

You don't have to
worry about that.

Well, is there something
we should worry about?

Well, no, just that we decided
not to take the cold cash.

We thought it'd be better if we
took it out in livestock instead.

Oh, well.

Sometimes that's
very good business.

You boys have a good
eye for good-blooded stock.

But where is it?
I'd like to see it.

Well, it's, uh, it's
out in the barn.

BEN: Well, let's have a look.

Well, come on, let's go.

I've been looking
enough at railroad ties,

anything else is
bound to look good.

Even something the
Tweedy stuck you with, tsk.

If I wrestled like you
manage, I'd be in a hospital.

Well, how many times
have I told you, don't worry?

Many. Many, many, many,

HOSS: Hey, Pa, wait.

Wait a minute, Pa, just
hold on. Wait a minute.

JOE: Pa.

We just wanna say we know
we should have taken the money.

Oh, no, look, Little Joe,
you know what I always said,

a good head of stock is
worth its weight in gold

in this part of the country.

We got a real bonanza
in there, heh, Pa.

Look, Pa, there's something
you gotta understand.

- See, me and Little Joe...
- No, look, Hoss,

like I said before, I
trust your judgment.

Now let me see this animal
that you took instead of cash.

Yes, sir.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[TRUMPETING]

Look, Pa, Old Sheba is
as tame as a plow horse

right after a hard-day's
work in the field.

This is what Tweedy
gave you for hard cash?

Well, he was broke, Pa.

What do you think you're
gonna do with an elephant?

Well, hey, Pa, maybe we can...

Maybe we can train
her to plow, heh.

You got to admit there's
a lot of livestock there.

I just don't believe it.
I really don't believe it.

I don't believe that two
reasonably intelligent young men

could leave home
for a couple of weeks

and come back with an elephant.

[CHUCKLES]

But, Pa, she's tame. Well,
she can, she can, she can...

She is tame. Let me show
you what she can do, Pa. Really.

- She is tame.
- Come on, Sheba.

JOE: Sheba, come on.
HOSS: Come on, Sheba. Yeah.

JOE: Come on. HOSS:
Come on, Sheba. Come on.

- Come on. Sheba.
- Wait till you see, Pa.

HOSS: Come on, Sheba.

Down, Sheba.

JOE: Down, Sheba.

HOSS: All the way
down, Sheba. All the way.

JOE: That's it. That's it.

Up, Sheba.

HOSS: Come on, Sheba. Come on.

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

HOSS: Whoa, Sheba. Down, Sheba.

JOE: Down, Sheba.

Good, old elephant.

Up, Sheba. Up, Sheba.

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

Get rid of her.

But she's so tame.

Then you won't have any
trouble getting rid of her.

What's the matter,
Pa? Don't you like her?

Joseph,

that peanut burner will...
It will spook the livestock.

Come winter, she'll eat
us out of house and home.

And there's a touch
of fall in the air.

Oh, boy, Tweedy really
slickered you fellas pretty good.

Now, you take that elephant
back and get the hard cash.

Pa, we, uh...

We can't do that.

Oh, you can't, huh? And why not?

Because we signed a paper

saying we take the
elephant instead of the cash.

Now, look,

I want that elephant out of here
by the time I get back from town.

Is that understood?

I gotta go and wire Ramsey, find
out when he wants the ties delivered

so we can start floating
them down Snake Creek.

Well, I got the ties cut, but
getting them off the mountain,

I'm afraid it's gonna be a
job for the, uh, lost souls here.

Yeah. Adam's done
more than his share.

Pa, you know I was just thinking
since you're gonna go into town anyway,

I thought maybe you might
just talk to Angus Tweedy

about taking Old Sheba back.

And we could go in with
you and watch you negotiate

the way only you can negotiate,
Pa. We can learn something.

Yeah, I guess you
would learn something.

You learn how to negotiate
those ties down Snake Creek.

Adam, you show them the way.

I'll show them the way, but
I've touched my last railroad tie.

Are you gonna talk
to Mr. Tweedy for us?

[BEN CLEARS THROAT]

Please?

Hoss,

- now tell me the truth.
- Mm-hm.

That elephant,

is she real gentle like you say?

She sure is, Pa. She's as
gentle as an old hound dog.

Give me that.

He's the greatest.

That stage is more
than a half hour away...

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

Lookie yonder.

Starting your own circus, Ben?

Raising a mighty mean
stock at Ponderosa.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

[SHEBA TRUMPETS
THEN HORSE NEIGHS]

No, I'd never believe that in the
wide world if I didn't see it myself.

All right. Go, hey, hey.

Down. Down. Down. Down.

All the way down.

All right, Sheba, up, up, up.

Roy, is Tweedy still in town?

Yeah. He's pitching his tent
right down the street there.

Oh, good.

Mr. Tweedy is gonna convert
this animal here into hard cash.

- Good.
- Come on, Sheba.

Come on, Sheba.

I remember one time you
unloaded Sheba three times,

only to have her back when the
new owner couldn't afford her feed bill.

Yes, sir, Tweedy, you sure
get them coming and going.

Now, you see here, Bearcat.

Don't look now, but here
comes part of your family.

Sheba, come here.

You hold. Hold it.

- Ah.
- Sheba, my Old Sheba.

You don't know how much
I've missed you, old girl.

I'm, uh, Ben Cartwright.

How do you do, Mr. Cartwright?

Have the boys been taking
good care of Old Sheba?

Well, if you mean by that
has she been eating good,

you might say that they've been
taking extra good care of her.

I've missed the old
gal something fierce.

Well, I'm glad to hear that because
you know I think she's missed you too.

So why don't you give me the
money that you owe my sons

and you can get Sheba back and
you can both be happy with each other.

Oh, I'd love to, Mr. Cartwright,
but I'm flat broke.

I'm sure the boys told you I had a
couple of losing poker hands and...

But, Mr. Tweedy,

how much cold cash could you raise
right now, to take Sheba off my hands.

Well, uh,

fond as I am of Old Sheba,
she ain't getting any younger

Mr. Tweedy,

- and with feed so high, I...
- How much?

Mr. Cartwright, the way I figure it,
Old Sheba would be much happier

living a life of ease
out on your ranch.

Here at the circus, she
really works for her food.

No, sir, Mr. Cartwright, I couldn't
deny Old Sheba this chance

to live out her
days without a care.

You really have a heart of
gold, don't you, Mr. Tweedy?

Well, who do you think you're trying
to flimflam this time, my sons again?

Now, if you think an
elephant never forgets...

Come on, Sheba.

Come on.

Oh...

Sheba.

Now go to sleep, Sheba.

[SHEBA GRUNTING]

You stay, Sheba.
Anderson, owning Sheba

would bring customers to
your store from miles around

from all over the
countryside just to see her.

- Not interested, Ben.
- Now, Mr. Anderson.

Just think of this.

You get a painted canvas
and you put it over Sheba

and on the canvas, along the side,
are the words "Anderson Mercantile,"

and you parade her all over the
countryside, advertising your store.

- Hmm, no. No, not interested.
- Mr. Anderson,

I'll sell her cheap.

How much?

Four hundred dollars.

Four hundred dollars?

I've been thinking in
the terms of $50 or $60.

Now you say 400.

[SCRAPING]

[CROWD CHUCKLING]

Hey, stop her, Ben.

Sheba!

Come on now, get, get, get out.

Get out of there, Sheba.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

- I'm sorry, Mr. Anderson.
- You should be, heh.

You just bought
a sack of peanuts.

Ben, I got a complaint
about you and that elephant.

- Complaint, what for?
- For just about scaring to death

that horse and rider on
the street here yesterday.

Well, I got just as much right
on the street as that cowboy.

Now, Ben, I ain't gonna
argue that legal point with you,

but you're just gonna have
to get rid of that elephant.

I know, I know, Roy.

You wanna pay cash for those
peanuts or shall I put it on your bill?

Put it on my bill.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

All right, come on, Sheba.

Now let's go.

Sheba, come on!

One word from him and
she does as she pleases.

[BOTH LAUGH]

All right. All right.

But just as soon as that darn elephant
has finished eating those peanuts,

you, Roy Coffee are coming with me
officially to call on Mr. Angus Tweedy.

Yes, sir!

My deal with the Cartwright boys
was all fair and square, sheriff.

They signed that paper.

And I say that you knew
this would happen all along.

Sir, you make me out
as a conniving scoundrel.

Oh, you bet, in spades.

Sheriff, has this man any
legal claim against me?

Nope, none at all.

Ben, I'm afraid he's
got the winning hand.

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess you do have
the winning hand, Mr. Tweedy.

- Take her, she's yours.
- Take her?

I told you yesterday, I didn't want
her. She's getting old, remember?

All right, Tweedy, how much
do you want to take Sheba back?

Well, uh, I reckon, uh, about
$200 might change my mind.

Two hundred dollars, did
you hear him say $200, Roy?

Just turn it into hard cash.

What? That's plain
blackmail. That's what it is.

Just ordinary, plain blackmail.

Heh, Ben, it all depends
on which end you're on, heh.

Roy, if I didn't know better, I
swear you were in cahoots with him.

- I'm just trying to be impartial, Ben.
- Impartial?

Roy,

I campaigned for you
in your last election.

That was the last election.

Wait the minute, Ben, I'm
just trying to do my duty.

I ain't gonna pay nobody no $200

to take this bag of
pachyderm off my hands.

ROY: Well, I don't know
about that, but I do know this,

I want that pachyderm
either chained up

or out of Virginia City by
sundown. Do you understand?

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

[JOE SIGHS]

My, oh, my...

- Sure, it's been a pretty day, ain't it?
- Yeah.

Hey, wonder how Pa's making out.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I'll bet you he's turned old
Tweedy away with loose.

Yeah.

Sure wish I had some of
Pa's good business sense.

Yeah, Pa and I have an awful
lot in common in that area.

You know what I
was thinking too?

I wouldn't be a bit surprised
that maybe Pa gets a little more

than the $400, a
little extra profit.

Look, Joe, if he just gets us
our 400 back and breaks it even,

- I'll be satisfied.
- Yeah. Yeah. Amen.

Of course, you never can tell.

Yeah, never can tell.

HOSS: You just
can't stand to see

me and Little Joe make a
few extra dollars, can you?

Apparently, Pa can't either.

[SHEBA TRUMPETS]

BEN: Whoa, whoa.

Whoa-ah! Whoa.

Sheba, down, Sheba.
All the way down, Sheba.

Rise, Sheba, rise.

HOSS: Hey, Pa, what's the deal?

Mr. Tweedy gonna come
out here to pick up Old Sheba?

Nope.

However you did talk to Mr. Tweedy
like you promised, didn't you?

Yup.

You made plans to have
Mr. Tweedy pick Sheba up later.

Nope.

Wait, she finally got
to you, didn't she, Pa?

You kind of like her now, don't
you? Decide to keep her, huh?

Ahem, well, I
decided that since, uh,

since she was
really your problem,

I wouldn't wanna
weaken your character

by not allowing you to
shoulder your own responsibility.

That's one way out.

What did you say?

I say you're right,
they'll have to go all out.

But, Pa, you promised
us, you'd do the negotiating.

We were counting you, Pa.

You'd get us more than the $400.

Now, look, look.

I've got more
important things to do

than negotiate with a larcenous
old man and a gluttonous elephant.

And incidentally, nobody votes
for Roy Coffee in the next election.

Now about the ties.

Ramsey wants them
delivered to the spur in a week.

Yeah, Pa, about them ties...

Adam, did you show the
boys where you cut them?

I sure did. They're all
roughed out and stacked.

Good. And you can start
floating them down in the morning.

We can't.

Joseph, I've had
two very tough days.

- And I'm in no
mood... ADAM: Pa,

Little Joe is telling the
plain truth for a change.

And what's that?

Oh, uh, Pa, the creek run dry.

Creek's gone dry?

Yup. It did.

Oh.

Uh...

The gods have turned against me.

All right. Look, first
thing in the morning...

First thing in the morning,
we'll put on our thinking caps

and we'll try to
figure out some way

of getting those blasted
logs down off that mountain.

- I'll get right at it, Pa.
- Yes, sir, good idea, Pa,

I'll set the alarm clock
extra early in the morning,

jump right up and
get right to thinking.

That reminds me of a thing.

I want an around the clock
centric duty on that elephant

while she's here at the ranch.

- Start in the morning?
- Around the clock, Hoss.

What for? She's tame.

She's tame, all right.

She's also sneaky.

If you want me to figure out how
to get those logs off the mountain,

I've gotta get some sleep.

Joseph, just keep
your eye on her!

[HOSS SNORING]

Darn it, Sheba.
That ain't funny.

You ain't nothing
but a nuisance.

Just like Pa said,
you're sneaky too.

[TRUMPETS]

It's time for Little Joe to
relieve me. I'm gonna get him.

You stay right here
and don't you move.

You stay right here and
I'll be back, you hear? Stay.

You stay here.

You stay there now, Sheba.
You got it? You stay there.

[SHEBA TRUMPETING]

Stop it. Sheba, Sheba!

Look, I mean it, now you stop
it, you hear? Stop it. Stop it.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Sheba. Sheba.

I don't know why
you're so dang squirrely,

I'm just going up there
to wake up Little Joe.

You've really done it now.

Whoa, Sheba. No,
no, Sheba. Whoa.

Sheba, no, no, Sheba!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Sheba, whoa, whoa!

Sheba, whoa!

[MUTTERING]

You ain't following in
the house, would you?

Yup, you would at that.

Call Little Joe from out here
now. You stay, Sheba, stay.

Joe! Oh, Sheba.

Hey, Joe!

JOE: Hey,

why are you breaking
the windows in the house?

Pa's gonna really
get angry at you.

I thought you was
up there asleep.

Sleeping, you kidding?
I'm up there thinking.

I'm worn out. But I think I
finally came up with an idea.

Yeah? What is it?

Now, here's what we're gonna do.

We're...

We're gonna...

Like I told your pa, $200 and I
take Old Sheba off your hands.

Two hundred dollars?

No wonder Pa was in such a state
when he come home yesterday, Joe.

Well, make up your mind, boys.
Bearcat and me are moving today.

Then how are you gonna
get along without Old Sheba?

Easy, son. Made me enough at poker
last night to buy us a real fine mule.

Don't need Old Sheba no-how.

Only used her to haul the
wagon and attract attention,

I can make just as much
off Bearcat without her.

- Is that right?
- That's right, son.

So put up or shut up.

You know, Hoss, it's just
like Pa said, live and learn.

- Yeah.
- Yup. Take the bad with the good.

Yep. Or if you can't lick
them, join them, right?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

What do you mean by that?

Just like my brother
Hoss said, you see,

Mr. Tweedy, we've been
thinking very seriously

about going into circus
business ourselves.

- What?
- Well, why not?

We got everything
you've got and more.

That Old Sheba
here to pull the wagon.

Got brother Hoss here
to wrestle all comers.

You can't do that.

Oh, can and will,
Mr. Tweedy. Town-for-town.

Same towns you're in.

HOSS: We see, Mr. Tweedy, we got
a little angle all figured out of our own.

We'll come over and
I'll wrestle the Bearcat.

- And after I whoop him, - Heh.

Then we'll invite all of your
customers over to our tent

and I'll take on all the
challengers. Ha-ha-ha.

You can't.

Oh, live and learn, Mr. Tweedy.

Put up or shut up.

Yeah, gotta take the
bad with the good.

All right. Even steven, I
take Old Sheba back. Period.

Just a minute, there's also
a matter of $400 you owe us.

- With interest.
- And not a cent less.

I ain't got a penny.

Paid all my poker
winnings for the mule.

BOTH: We'll take the mule.
- Sold.

She's up at Barney's stable.

Come on, Hoss.

Sheba, sure wish we
could've afforded you.

Hoss, one appetite like
yours is enough for any family.

Huh, first time
I've seen you took.

Took, ha-ha.

I got Old Sheba back, ain't I?

I got Hoss to work for
us for nothing, didn't I?

All it cost me was a spavined
mule I won in a poker game.

The man ain't been born
that can take Angus Tweedy.

It takes real managerial brains
to get along nowadays, you know?

Yeah, I reckon.

Wait till Pa hears about
the deal we just pulled off.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah, all right. We did sort of
pin old Angus to the mat, didn't we?

Oh, we did that. You know,
something else I was wondering?

I'm just wondering what a real
fine mule will fetch right now.

I don't know, Joe. But he's
gotta be pretty valuable.

You know, Angus
ain't one to be took.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, Pa!

Oh, Hoss, I'm worn out.

Yeah, that was a
long ride for you, Joe.

JOE: Hello, Adam.
- Uh-huh.

Well, where have
you fellas been?

- Pa, wait till you hear.
- One, one thing at a time.

I have come up with the
solution to our problem.

Yeah, I just wanna tell
you about Old Sheba.

Exactly, Old Sheba.

Now, we need a physical force

to bring those ties down
off the mountain, right?

Now, the creek's dried up,

so that physical
force is gone, right?

Now, there's no road
up there, lots of rocks.

So we daren't use horses
for fear of breaking legs, right?

Now, what other physical force

do we have on the
Ponderosa right here and now?

- Hoss? BEN: Oh, no,
no, come on, think now.

Try to figure out how to use one
problem to solve another problem.

Well, what other
problem do we have?

- Old Sheba?
- Exactly, Old Sheba.

You know, I remember seeing
pictures once of elephants in India.

They're hauling whole trees.

That's exactly right, Adam.

So you put a harness on
Sheba, put a sled behind her

and she'll haul those ties
down from that mountain

as pretty as you please.

Pa?

Come on, get Sheba out
of the barn, let's get going.

But, Pa, uh...

Well, what, what?

Well, heh...

Speak right up, little
manager. Speak right up.

You see, Hoss and I
took Old Sheba into town

and, uh...

And slickered Mr. Tweedy into taking
her back pretty as you please, heh.

We slickered him, heh.

You what?

Oh, we didn't come back
empty handed. No, it is, uh...

Look, that.

You traded that
magnificent elephant,

that royal pachyderm
for that mule?

It was the only thing
of real value he had, Pa.

- She only...
- Quiet!

For weeks

I labored to negotiate a
deal with the railway company

to put a spur crack
on our property.

For weeks I worked

to negotiate a contract to sell
timber for those railway ties.

And for those same weeks,

you two were gallivanting around
the country wrestling your time away.

You are through playing around.

Those ties are up
on the mountain.

They have to be at the
spur line in one week.

One week.

Yeah, one week,
that's what he said.

[HOSS GRUNTING]

[HOSS GROANS]

Hey, Hoss, we're home.

[GROANING]

I ain't never been so
bone tired in my life.

Yeah, I'm pretty
tuckered out myself.

Well?

We did it, Pa. We did it.

Every single one of those ties is
off the mountain and at the spur.

I knew I could do it
if I put my mind to it.

Your mind.

Well, I must say, I never
thought you could do it.

He did a real good job.

Pa, it's an unbeatable combination,
brains and brute strength.

Well, ahem, Little Joe, in all
fairness to your brain power,

if it hadn't been for,
uh, Hoss' muscle power,

those ties would still be
up on top of that mountain.

But without my conditioning,
he wouldn't have had the muscles

to pull the ties
off the mountain.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[ADAM CHUCKLING]

Oh, it must be raining a
deluge up on that mountain.

Oh, Snake Creek will be
running in a matter of minutes.

[CHUCKLES]

We can't win
them all, Hoss, heh.

Did you hear that?

Snake Creek's got water in it.

It's gonna be flooding.
It's gonna be full, Joe.

There's water in Snake Creek.

Water.

Yahoo! There's
water in Snake Creek.

That's what we've
been waiting for, Hoss.

- Yeah?
- Water in Snake Creek.

You know what that means?

That now you can enter the
annual Snake Creek canoe contest.

A thousand dollars.
A thousand dollars.

Thousand dollars, wow.

And all you need
is a good manager.

- And a big, big canoe.
- Yeah.

A thousand dollars, wow.

Now, here's what
I'm gonna do for you.

Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: This has
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of the NBC Television Network.