Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 5, Episode 26 - The Saga of Muley Jones - full transcript

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Seven fingers from the stake.

I can feel that dollar in my
hand right now, heh, heh, heh.

The game ain't over yet, Esky.

Oh, I don't know.

I kind of feel good enough about
it to raise that bet, say, to, uh, $5.

How does that hit you?

All right, $5 it is.
- That's it.

- Sit down, sit down.
- Heh, heh.

Ah.



Well, Esky, it's gonna
take a ringer to beat me.

You don't wanna
make that 5 10, do you?

You got yourself a bet.

Now, just kind of stand back
and, uh, I'm gonna show you

what a $10 horseshoe looks
like when it's being thrown.

Hang it in them, Esky.

Hang it in them, Esky.

Hang it in them, Esky.

All right, quiet down,
boys, keep it down.

- Don't make me nervous.
- Shh.

Shh. Keep it down, boys.

My True love is
a blue eyed-daisy

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

If she don't marry
me I'll go crazy



Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

Who is that?

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

So many pretty girls
I can't count them

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

- Got some voice though, ain't he?
- Yeah.

- He's got a voice.
- And I'm gonna take that voice,

and I'm gonna cram it
right down his dirty throat!

Esky, wait a minute.

My true love is
a sun-burnt daisy

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

She won't work and I'm too lazy

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

Ho-dee-ding-dong
Ho-dee-ding-dong

Ho-dee-ding-dong doodle lady day

Well, howdy, heh.

Beautiful day, ain't it?

Don't you give me none
of that "beautiful day" stuff.

Your caterwauling cost me $10.

Well, I'm right sorry
about that, friend.

But I'd take it kindly if you'd
get your hands off my coat.

I'll take my hands off your coat
after I take $10 worth out of your hide.

- Esky.
- Let me at him!

- Calm down.
- Take your hands off me.

Hey, boys, be still.

Hold it! Stop!

I said stop it!

Now, what's going on?

I declare it's enough to
drive a man out of his mind.

I spend 50 percent of my time
chasing illegal whiskey makers

and 50 percent of my time
arresting them that drinks it.

Roy, we ain't had a drop.

I don't care whether you had
a drop or whether you didn't.

You're still acting like you did.
Now, I got a place to cool you off.

You come on down to that jail.

- But, Roy...
- Come on.

Now, dad-burn it, Roy, I
know it probably didn't look it,

but the fact is we weren't
really fighting out there...

Hoss, now, entertaining
as they usually are,

I just don't have no time for a
Hoss Cartwright explanation.

Hoss Cartwright?

Would it be Ben
Cartwright's son?

Yeah.

Well, Second Cousin Hoss.

Shake hands with your
second cousin, Muley.

- Cousin Muley?
- Muley Jones.

I've come all the way from Wheatville,
Missouri, just to see you, heh, heh.

- Hey.
- Whoa! No, no, no.

Roy, did you hear that? This feller
claims he's a second cousin of mine.

Look, Hoss, I don't care if
this is your favorite Aunt Bertha.

There's a $10 fine for each
one of you boys for street fighting,

and you're either gonna pay it or
I'm gonna lock you up in that pokey.

Now, which is it gonna be?

Well, looks like this little
family reunion just cost me $30.

Well, Second Cousin Hoss,

I sure appreciate you
paying the fine for me,

and I intend to pay you back
just as quick as I find myself a job.

I'll pay you back
tomorrow, Hoss.

Don't worry about it, fellers,
I'm just lucky to have it.

Fact is I'd have
probably lost it to old Esky

in that dad-burned
horseshoe game anyhow.

- Oh, Pa. I...
- They said I'd find you here.

- I wanna introduce you...
- And they also said that you

and Brave Pony had
been brawling in the streets.

It's all right, Ben, Hoss has paid
their fines and they're free to go.

And it's a good thing, because
I've just been busier than a bird dog

hunting that illegal
whiskey maker.

Why, that hombre keeps bouncing
that moonshine equipment of his

around this territory
worse than a kangaroo.

Now, boys, I'll
leave it with you.

Now, Chief White Bear and
I do everything in our power

to make a good impression,
and what happens?

The very day the new Indian agent
arrives in town from Washington,

my son and the chief's son
are caught fighting in public!

- Hoss was not to blame.
- I don't care who's to blame.

Suppose he'd seen you
two fighting in public?

You know how much depends on
this report he's gonna be turning in.

Now, the only reason your
father and I have been successful

in fighting this plan
to relocate your people

is because the Indian affairs
in this area have been so good.

It's actually all my
fault, Cousin Ben.

I don't care whose fault it was.
The only thing that matters to me is...

- What did you call me?
- Cousin Ben.

I'm your cousin Muley
from Wheatville, Missouri.

Cousin Muley?

I don't know a Cousin Muley.

He just got here
this morning, Pa.

Oh, I got a letter
of introduction.

Cousin Muley?

"Ben Cartwright, this is
to introduce Muley Jones,

who is the son of Rebekah Jones,

from the Larson
side of the family.

He is working his
way to California.

Any help you can give
him will be appreciated.

Signed, Ollie Jensen."

Now, now, Pa, I've heard
you mention that name before.

You sure have. Ollie Jensen.

By God, you remember me
telling you he could pick me up

by the seat of my
pants with one hand?

- Yeah, heh.
- Heh.

Still alive?

How old is he? He must
be about 80 years old now.

Eighty-one come next October.

And he can still do an honest
day's work in the field, heh.

Gosh, well, I'm sure happy to hear
that he's in such good health. Here.

Ollie Jensen.

- You're Rebekah Jones's boy.
- Heh, heh.

Well, I'm sure happy to
meet you, Cousin Muley.

Now, you're gonna stay
at the Ponderosa with us.

Well, thank you
kindly, Cousin Ben.

I'm sure looking
forward to meeting up

with Second Cousin Adam
and Second Cousin Joe.

Well, you're sure gonna meet
them as soon as they get back

from delivering that herd
of beef out to Camp Mead.

Oh, uh, Cousin Ben,
I'm sure plum sorry

for causing all that ruckus
around here this morning.

Oh.

Oh, I guess it wouldn't have
made too much difference to me

if it hadn't been for the fact
we've been having a bit of trouble

with the Department
of Indian Affairs,

and what with this new agent,
this Mr. Thornbridge coming out,

I just didn't want
anything to happen

to sort of upset the
apple cart, so to speak.

Pa, what sort of feller is
this new agent anyhow?

I don't know. I'm just going
over to the hotel to meet him.

Now, look, I'm fixing
to take Mr. Thornbridge

out to the Ponderosa and
we have some supper tonight.

- I want you to be on your best behavior.
- Oh, yes, sir.

And Brave Pony.

Look, I've invited your father
to come out so they could meet,

and that'll be good for them
to get to know each other.

- Now, you come out with him.
- Yes.

Uh, uh...

Why don't you show
Muley around town?

- Sure.
- And then meet me at the hotel

in about, uh, 30, 40 minutes.

- Fine, Pa.
- Good.

Cousin Muley.

Well, Muley, what
would you like to do first?

Well, um, since I had that long,
hot ride into town this morning,

a nice tall glass of beer would
taste mighty appealing right now.

- Yeah, uh, it's fine, Muley, but, see...
- Don't let me hold you back, Hoss.

I don't drink anyway.
You two go on.

Well, look, I'll see
you at supper tonight.

Sure, see you then.

Oh.

I hope I didn't hurt his
feelings, Second Cousin Hoss.

I forgot that Indians
just ain't allowed to drink.

No, no, it's all right.

He's a good friend of
mine. He understands.

Look, let's me and
you get that beer.

It ain't every day a man
runs into his second cousin.

- Hi, Hoss.
- Howdy, Sam.

Couple of beers, please, sir.

- Oh, now, there's that...
- Esky, wait a minute.

Esky, now, calm down.
Calm down. Calm down.

Dad-burn it, now, I want
you to meet my cousin.

This here's Muley Jones.

- Your cousin?
- Yep.

Yeah, I figured whoever he was,

you must have put him up
to making me lose that game.

I didn't put him up to nothing.
I want you to shake hands.

If you will, I'll forget that $10
you owe me. Now, come on.

- Shake hands with...?
- Shake hands.

Come on here now.
Shake hands. Shake.

There.

You know, Hoss, I ought to
make you give me that $10.

I'd have won that game for sure.

Yeah, I gave your
$10 to Roy Coffee.

By the way, where was
you when he arrested us?

Yeah, well, I was
around there somewhere.

Sure you were.

Gosh, Cousin Hoss, that's
$40 I've cost you already

and I ain't even
been in town an hour.

Oh, forget it, Cousin Muley.
It wasn't your fault no how.

You gotta admit,
Esky, it was pretty funny

when that horseshoe went
flying out over everybody's head.

You should have seen the
expression on old Esky's face, ha, ha.

Well, the one he was wearing
when I did see him wasn't so funny.

- Heh, heh, heh.
- Oh, I'd like to whop you one.

Esky, Esky. Esky.

Uh, Esky don't appreciate a good
singing voice when he hears it.

And that's the
gospel truth, cousin.

I tell you, you got about the
finest singing voice I ever heard.

Well, gosh, thanks, Cousin Hoss.

You know, there just
ain't no joy in the world

that compares to singing for me.

There's just something about
standing under a big, blue sky

filled with God's sunshine

and gathering up a chestful of
fresh, clean air and just letting go.

Well, thunderation, man,
let go of one right now.

Oh, no, no, no, Cousin Hoss.

Well, you see, that's part of the
reason I had to leave Missouri.

Well, the folks back there, they just
didn't seem to appreciate my singing.

That just goes to show you how much
they know about singing in Missouri.

You're in Nevada now,
so just cut loose with one.

Mm-hm. Just let out.

- Heh.
- Well, all right.

Beautiful dreamer Out on the sea

Mermaids are chanting
The wild Lorelei

Over the streamlet
Vapors are borne

Waiting to fade At
the bright coming morn

Beautiful dreamer
Beam on my heart

Even as the morn on
The streamlet and sea

Then will all clouds
Of sorrow depart

Beautiful dreamer Awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer Awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer Wake unto me

Starlight and dewdrops
Are waiting for thee

Sounds of the rude
world Heard in the day

Lulled by the moonlight

Have all passed
away Beautiful dreamer

Queen of my song
List while I woo thee

- With soft melody - Oh!

What happened? What happened?

It's Hoss and that cousin of
his. They're wrecking my place.

Somebody get Sheriff
Coffee. Sheriff Coffee!

Of life's busy throng
Beautiful dreamer

Awake unto me Cousin Muley! Shh!

Beautiful dreamer Awake

- Muley!
- Shut him up, Hoss.

Unto Me

- Muley.
- Huh?

I tried to stop you before you
wrecked the whole dang saloon.

Oh, no.

I did it again.

Muley, is this the reason they
didn't like your voice in Missouri?

Uh-huh.

Mr. Thornbridge, it surely
is a personal privilege for me

- to welcome you to Virginia City.
- Thank you, Mr. Cartwright,

and I hope my visit is as
pleasant as your greeting.

I'm sure it will be.

When you meet Chief
White Bear and his people...

Excuse me, sir, there seems to be
some kind of a disturbance over there.

Sheriff Coffee!

Sheriff!

Hey, Roy, what's happening?

Somebody's busting
up the saloon.

Oh, Mr. Thornbridge, this is
highly unusual here for Virginia City.

- We never...
- Well, I wonder what causes it.

Let's go take a look.

Break it up here! I said...!

Did I say "break it up"?

Oh.

It's you three again, huh?

Come on! Come on.

Roy.

Go on, you know the way.

- But, Roy...
- Eh, you go on.

Right down there, come on.

Mr. Cartwright, that
young man is an Indian.

Yeah, he sure is.

What is he doing in a saloon?

Why, I don't know. It's most
unusual, Mr. Thornbridge.

Brave Pony is a fine,
upstanding young man. He's...

Brave Pony, the chief's son.

Oh, this is going to
look terrible in my report.

One mirror, $50.
Two windows, $20.

Glassware, $70.
Liquor stock, $200.

Miscellaneous breakage, $50.

Public disorder fine, $10
apiece. For a grand total of $420.

And what kind of an
explanation do I get?

That Cousin Muley sang
the place into its shambles!

Pa, he'll hear you.

And don't think for one minute

that I'm gonna accept this
cock-and-bull story, do you hear me?!

Ugh. I hear you, Pa.
Honest to Pete, I do.

Must be the guests arriving.

I'll get it.

Chief White Bear, welcome
once again to my home.

Ben Cartwright, I am honored to
be your guest, my dear old friend.

Thank you, thank you.

- Brave Pony, good evening.
- Mr. Cartwright.

Won't you please
come in and sit with us?

- Chief White Bear.
- Hm.

- Please, sit down.
- Pony.

I'm sorry Mr. Thornbridge isn't here
yet, but he should be along shortly.

I'm dreaming now of Hallie

Sweet Hallie, sweet Hallie

I'm dreaming now of Hallie

And the thought of her
Is one that never dies

She's sleeping in the valley

I'm terribly ashamed at what my
son, Brave Pony, told me about today.

Oh, don't worry about that.
It wasn't Brave Pony's fault.

Where she lies Oh
Listen to the mockingbird

Oh, listen to the mockingbird

Would you care for some coffee?

Huh?

I said, would you care
for a cup of coffee?

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Oh Listen to the mockingbird

Oh, listen to the mockingbird

The mockingbird was
singing O'er her grave

And the mockingbird is singing

Where she lies Oh
Listen to the mockingbird

Do you see anything
out there, White Bear?

No, but my braves
out there will protect us.

Pa, there ain't
nobody out there!

The mockingbird's still
singing O'er her grave

Don't you hear Muley singing?

Of course I hear Muley singing.
Do you think I'm deaf or some...?

You mean, that...?

Listen to the mockingbird

Well, why didn't you
tell me about this?!

Pa, I was trying to!

There is somebody there. My
braves have got him pinned down.

The mockingbird was
singing O'er her grave

Mr. Cartwright, these
savages have tried to kill me.

I want to know the
meaning of this outrage.

Oh, Chief White
Bear, this is... This is...

This is terrible.

Mr. Thornbridge, you must
reconsider. You must stay for dinner.

You must give us a
chance to explain things.

Mr. Cartwright, I am in no mood
for either dinner or explanations.

- Your Cousin Muley, indeed.
- Mr. Thornbridge.

Your report is going to affect
the lives of over 200 people.

Now, before you jump
to any hasty conclusions,

there are many facts of
which you must be made aware

concerning the
Indian situation here.

That is precisely why I
made this investigation trip,

to gain firsthand knowledge
and experience of the situation.

And I certainly have
done that today.

Mr. Thornbridge.

Mr. Cartwright, my report will be based
on what I see and what I hear myself,

not on any amount of talk or
persuasion from you or from anyone else.

Now, if you don't mind,
I would like to leave.

Mr. Thornbridge.

You must do me
one favor, please.

Now, tomorrow, tomorrow
when you've had a chance

to have a little rest and
things have calmed down,

could we have another talk?

Very well, if you wish,
but I warn you right now,

any further talk is
useless. Now, goodbye.

Thank you very much,
Mr. Thornbridge, thank you.

Giddyap, boy.

I'm sorry, White Bear.

You will talk again tomorrow.

Well, Cousin Hoss, what
are we gonna do today?

Any chores I can help you with?

Oh, no, no. No, no chores,
cousin, not for me and you.

Not today, no, sir.

I've got a little
surprise for you.

- A surprise?
- You bet.

Heh, heh, well.

You see, Pa went into town early
this morning to talk to Mr. Thornbridge,

- the Indian agent.
- Yeah.

He, uh, left here the other
day and was so fired angry

that he wouldn't
even talk to nobody,

and, well, Pa went in early
this morning to explain to him.

Well, you mean explain
how it was all my fault.

Oh, no! No, no, cousin.

You see, Pa just wanted
Mr. Thornbridge to know that...

Well, that is wasn't
all the Indians' fault.

Now, of course, he
didn't fault you none either.

No, we know it ain't your fault.
You was born with that voice.

Of course, you ought to learn

to be a little more careful
with it around humans.

Yeah. Heh, I sure appreciate you
and your pa being so understanding.

Yeah, well, we are, we
understa... Especially Pa.

As a matter of fact, he,
uh, left you a little gift. Here.

- A gift?
- Yep.

But it ain't my
birthday or nothing.

Go ahead, open it.

I don't understand.

Well, me and Pa was thinking,

and was thinking about that
letter that you brung with you

from Ollie Jensen wanting us
to help you get on to California.

And we asked ourselves,

"Now, how could we best help
our Cousin Muley get to California?"

And all of a sudden, the
answer come to us that simple.

Money.

Now, there's enough right
there for your stagecoach fare

and to put you up in a
hotel until you can get a job.

Now, we want you to have it.

Well, I...

I don't know how to
thank you, Cousin Hoss.

But I can't take your money.

Why, I owe you already
for a lot of damage I've done.

Well, heh, I better get my
things together and get going.

Wait a minute, where you going?

Oh, San Francisco.

Uh...

Thank you, Cousin Hoss,

more than I can say.

Like I said, Esky,

this is the last of this here
moonshining that I'm gonna do.

Oh, now come on, Yuri.

You ain't gonna let Sheriff
Coffee scare you out like this.

This is Indian land.
He wouldn't look here.

Well, I've got a family
to think about, Esky.

Sheriff Coffee couldn't find this
little old still if it took him 100 years.

That's easy for you to say, but
it's been me that totes this still

around these hills
to keep ahead of him.

Now, that's the deal
we made, wasn't it, Yuri?

You make the
whiskey and I sell it.

I say, let's get out
while the getting is good.

I wasn't gonna tell you this,
Yuri, until I actually got the money,

but I made a deal
with Sam the bartender.

He's gonna buy every drop of whiskey
that we make at double the price,

- Oh, boy.
- On account of Hoss Cartwright

and his Cousin Muley
busting up all his.

Like fun, you was gonna tell.

You was gonna sell these jugs
at double and pay me the regular.

I know you, Esky.

What? I swear, Yuri,

I don't know how you can
look so clean and think so dirty.

All right. All right,
all right, so you know.

Now I gotta make this delivery.

You get back there and
make some more whiskey.

No, I'm through. Right
now, double price or not.

- Now, hold on.
- Uh, this business is getting too risky.

Well, that is the last time I
team up with a yellowbelly.

Yellowbelly?

Now, now, hold on, now.
What are you doing there?

Wait a minute!

What are you doing?

Ain't you forgot
something, Esky?

What, forgot? Well, what
are you talking about?

Well, you haven't paid
me for this last batch.

I ain't, heh? Well, I
thought sure I did, Yuri.

Oh, well, now...

Of course, uh, you know, boy, I'm
a little hard-pressed for cash now.

I've heard this all before, Esky,
and my heart still ain't breaking.

Listen, just unload this wagon.

- Now, wait a minute.
- Until you get some hard cash.

Well, you are the most
nervous man I ever saw.

Now, didn't I tell you
about the deal with Sam?

What's the matter,
don't you trust me?

- No.
- Hold on.

Boy, sometimes, you know, you
make me so mad I could just spit.

All right, here, here.

There's enough here
for 18 jugs, all right?

What are you doing
now? Wait a minute.

- Let go! What are you doing?
- You paid for 18 and you got 18.

Now, naturally, boy, you're gonna
trust me for the rest, ain't you?

Naturally.

Well, of all the underhanded,
selfish, conniving, thieving, crooked,

- back-biting friends I ever had.
- Shh. Shh. Shh. Esky. Esky.

- I never saw anything like it.
- Esky. Esky!

You better shut that
loud mouth of yours

before you bring Sheriff
Coffee down on us.

Well, the next time I do business,
it's gonna be with an honest man.

Yellowbelly!

Giddyap!

Loudmouth!

How much farther
is it to their camp?

- Oh, about a mile or so.
- Ah, good, heh.

Pa, Mr. Thornbridge,
where you heading?

Well, Mr. Thornbridge
has, uh, kindly agreed

to have a friendly talk with the
chief before he forms a final opinion,

now that he knows why things
happened the way they did.

Well, good, I'm sure glad
to hear that, Mr. Thornbridge.

I try to be fair in
all my decisions.

Uh, Hoss, uh, things
go the way we planned?

Well, ahem, not exactly, Pa.

You see, well, Cousin Muley here
decided not to take your gift after all.

Not that I don't
appreciate it, Cousin Ben.

Muley, you mean you're not
going to go to San Francisco?

- Uh...
- Pa, he's going, but...

Mr. Cartwright, I would like to
proceed to that meeting if you don't mind.

Oh, yeah, well, of
course, Mr. Thornbridge.

Everything is under control, Pa.

Well, good. I sure hope so.

Muley, I hope you have a very
pleasant journey to San Francisco.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Thanks again there, Cousin Ben.

Cousin Hoss, you have the
nicest family I've ever seen.

Well, from now on,
Muley, you're a part of it,

- and don't you forget it.
- Heh, heh, oh, golly.

You know, I feel so good right
now, do you know what I'm gonna do?

Muley, wait a minute.

Well, heh.

I reckon out here in the wide
open spaces couldn't hurt nothing.

Go ahead and cut loose.

Believe me

If all those endearing
young charms

Which I gaze on so fondly today

Were to change by tomorrow

And fleet from my arms

Like fairy gifts fading away

Thou would still be adored

Why, there's more
loudmouths around here.

Let thy loveliness
fade as it will

And around the dear ruin

Where's that voice coming from?

Each wish of my heart
Would entwine itself

Verdantly Giddyap, there.

Still

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Chief White Bear, Brave Pony.

- This is... This is...
- Thank you.

What is this?

Why, this looks
like... Smells like...

Good heavens, it's a
whiskey still on Indian land.

Brave Pony...

Believe me, Mr. Cartwright,
this is not ours. We found it.

This is your land, isn't it?

Yes, but...

I've never seen
such fragrant proof

that our red brothers need
the protection of a reservation.

Mr. Cartwright, please,
take me back to town.

- Mr. Thornbridge... PONY:
Please, Mr. Cartwright.

You know that we would not
have a whiskey still on our land.

Well, I know that,
but he won't believe it.

Someone else
was running this still.

But even we wouldn't
have discovered it,

if the big noise
hadn't broken it.

The big noise?

Muley Jones?

I'm warning you, you
open your mouth just once,

- and I'm calling the sheriff.
- Now, calm down, Sam.

Like I told you, Cousin
Muley's on his way out of town.

We're just passing a few
minutes waiting for the stage.

Then pass it with
his mouth closed.

Look at that, fruit jars,
and I'm lucky to get those.

Every housewife in town
made me pay a fortune for them.

Give me a whiskey.

"Give me a whiskey," very funny.

What's so funny about it? I
just got to town and I'm thirsty.

Look, stranger, the only
thing I got to drink is beer.

And I only got that because
it comes in wooden kegs.

I don't like beer, only whiskey.

Then you better come on back later.
I'm expecting a shipment anytime now.

For whiskey, I'll wait.

Anytime now?

Already a shipment from
San Francisco so soon?

Never mind where
I'm getting it from.

You just see to it that your pa
makes good for the damages in here,

so as I can pay for it.

Hey, Cousin Hoss,
there goes your pa now.

Hey, what's he doing
going off to the jail?

Whoa, whoa.

I don't know, but let's
go up and find out.

Sam, we'll be back to finish
those beers in a minute.

Hi, Esky.

Right on Indian land, the smell
of whiskey was overpowering.

It's the most disgraceful
thing I've ever seen.

Well, now, how about that? Here
I've been, uh, wearing myself thin

just chasing that whiskey
still all over this territory.

It never did occur to
me to look on Indian land,

- knowing Chief White Bear like I do.
- Well, that's just the point, Roy.

You and I know that
Chief White Bear's people

wouldn't do anything so
foolish as make whiskey.

Mr. Cartwright, I
know what I saw.

Hey, Pa, what's going on?

Sheriff, your evidence is out there.
You can go and see for yourself.

As for me, my report is final.

The Indians will be moved back to the
reservation at the earliest opportunity.

And I'm getting the first stage
out of here. Goodbye, gentlemen.

The reservation?

Ben, I'm gonna get a deputy
and send him right out there now.

What happened, Pa?

We found a whiskey still right
near the Indian reservation.

Right after we left
you two on the road.

Your second cousin
Muley's voice sure smashed

a whole bunch of whiskey
bottles all around that still.

Oh, Lordy. Not again.

Yep, again.

Pa, you know them
Indians wouldn't have a still

- right there on the reservation.
- Hoss, I know that and you know that,

but Mr. Thornbridge,
he don't know that.

And they was making
whiskey, I can tell you that.

The next stage leaves
in about half an hour,

and we aren't gonna find the
culprit in that length of time.

Cousin Ben,
this is all my fault.

And I'm gonna find that culprit
if it's the last thing I ever do.

Cousin Muley,

the last thing that you
could ever do for me

that would be real pleasing

would be to get on that
stage the way you planned.

And I'm going over to the
hotel and I'm gonna see

if I can talk Mr. Thornbridge
into listening to one last appeal.

Cousin Hoss,

I'm sorry.

Oh, I know you are, Muley.

That ain't gonna help Brave
Pony's tribe none, though.

Look, why don't we go and finish
that beer we started a while ago?

Maybe we'll think
of something, huh?

- Come on.
- Yeah.

Hi, boys.

Hey, Cousin Hoss.

Does anything strike you
peculiar about that feller?

Esky?

Everything about Esky strikes
me as peculiar. Come on.

There you go, stranger, some
of the finest you'll ever taste.

I'm sure glad you're
back in business.

Yeah.

Glad to see you back
in business too, Sam.

Where'd you get that?

A shipment that come
in from Carson City.

Carson City, my eye.

Ain't been no shipments in from
Carson City on wheels in two weeks.

Now, where did you get that?

Now, Hoss, you ain't got no call
to stick your nose in my business.

Well, I'm sticking it in. Now,
where did you get that booze?

I just sell liquor. Ain't no
concern of mine who makes it.

If it come out of that still on
that Indian property, it does.

Now, you tell me where
you got that booze, Sam.

You can't force
nothing out of me.

There ain't no law says I gotta tell
anybody where I get my whiskey.

Now, you ought
to know that, Hoss.

Dad-burn you, Sam.

Muley, thanks to Sam,
we got some thinking to do.

Cousin Hoss, it
better be fast thinking.

That stage is due to
take Mr. Thornbridge

out of here in just
about ten minutes.

I know it.

Come on, Muley.

- How are you, Esky?
- Fine, fine.

Appears that he's wearing
a mighty heavy coat

for this sort of
weather, don't it?

Well, didn't you say he was kind
of a peculiar fella, Cousin Hoss?

Yeah, but that's mighty
peculiar even for Esky.

Come on.

Here we go, ha, ha, ha.

Thanks, Esky, but that's
all you can bring in right now.

Yeah.

What are you talking
about? I got another load.

I'll show you what I'm talking
about. Come here. Look.

Hoss Cartwright and
his loudmouth cousin.

Well, what's so
important about that?

You try to make one more delivery
and he's gonna find out who made it.

Now, Sam, nobody ain't
gonna find out nothing.

I only got one more load.

Now, nobody ain't gonna
figure out how it got delivered.

I'll tell you what, Sam.
You're a nice fella.

If it'll make you feel better, I'll
bring it in the back way this time.

No, Esky, no!

Come back here! I
don't want... Esky!

Esky, come here! Esky!

I'm gonna go over to the hotel

and try to keep Thornbridge
from catching that stage.

In the meantime, you
get back to the saloon

and keep an eye on
Esky and Sam, you hear?

Right, Cousin Hoss.

Uh, Mr. Thornbridge.
Mr. Thornbridge, I guarantee...

Mr. Cartwright, I have
heard all the arguments

on behalf of the
Indians that I care to.

Now, I respect your faith in
White Bear and his people

but concrete evidence has given me
the only conclusion that I can accept.

- Goodbye.
- But Mr. Thornbridge,

one more day's delay
doesn't mean anything to you,

but it could mean the peace and
happiness of an entire Indian tribe.

Mr. Cartwright, please,
nothing would make me happier

than to discover that these
people deserve to remain here.

But ever since I arrived, they've been
involved in one incident after another.

Now, are you sure that
one more day in this town

won't bring forth
still another incident

which will put our poor red brothers
in an even more unfavorable light?

Stop!

Hold it!

Beautiful dreamer

Come here to me
Your booze I'm breaking

With loud melody

You'll be in jail

Wait just a minute. Uh,
Mr. Thornbridge you gotta hear this.

- This is for your benefit.
- For mine?

Yeah, come on.

Bootlegging hooch
all over this town

You bootlegging dreamer

Now come Along

- Heh, what's going on, fellas?
- Yeah, "What's going on, fellas?"

What do you got in here anyway?

Well, how did those
get in there, ha, ha, ha?

Well, Mr. Thornbridge,
there's your proof.

Proof? Well, that just shows
the man was carrying whiskey.

What has that got
to do with Indians?

All right, now, come on, you tell
him. You tell him or so help me...

That's right, Ben.

Now look, mister, you've caused
enough trouble in this town already.

And if you don't tell us
where you got that whiskey,

I'm gonna find ways to
keep you locked up in that jail

for the next ten years.

All right, all right.
But it ain't my fault.

It's all that Yuri's doing. Him
and his still on that Indian land.

Saying we was gonna
make us a fortune.

Well, Mr. Thornbridge?

Well, Mr. Cartwright.

Come on.

I assure you my report
will be most eloquent

on behalf of Chief White
Bear and his people.

Thanks to Mr. Cartwright.

No, no, no, heh, thanks
to Cousin Muley here.

Ha, ha, ha. A most
remarkable voice.

And I promise you to introduce
him to people in San Francisco

- who might help him train it.
- Well...

- We'll sure appreciate that.
- Well, gosh, thanks.

Cousin Muley, we're
sure gonna miss you.

Oh, thank you, Second Cousin
Hoss. I'm gonna miss y'all.

And Cousin Ben.

Well, you're sure welcome
here anytime at all, Cousin Muley.

Well, thank you
kindly, Cousin Ben.

If I ever get my voice trained, I
just might take you up on that.

Well, you sure should.

And I want you to know,

I intend to pay you back every
cent for everything I broke.

Oh, that ain't necessary.

I'm gonna send you $2
every month till it's all paid for.

Oh. Well, heh, if you...
If you feel like it, sure.

- Bye.
- Bye, Cousin Muley.

- Have a good trip.
- Take it easy, Muley.

Will you come with
me, my Phyllis dear

To yon blue mountain free?

Where the blossoms
Smell the sweetest

Come rove along with me

It's every Sunday morning
When I am by your side

We'll jump into the
wagon And all take a ride

Oh Wait for the wagon
Wait for the wagon

Wait for the wagon
And we'll all take a ride

Oh Wait for the wagon
Wait for the wagon

Wait for the wagon

And we'll all take a ride

You know, Pa, the way I
got it figured, at $2 a month,

he ought to be breaking
even in about a 150 years.

If he gets out of
town quick enough.

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