Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Burma Rarity - full transcript

Everyone seems to think he should marry widow Hawkins - except Ben! When he is asked to assist some land buyers to Virginia City, he must put up with all the talk. Then he finds out that the buyers want to sell a rare gem known as the Burma Rarity to finance the land deal. Now Ben must work quickly to find the buyers who left town with widow Hawkins $25K she paid for the gem.

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♪♪

Hot dog!

I could smell them biscuits
a mile down the road!

Mmm!

You remember why
you went into town?

Y-Yes, sir. What
did I go to town for?

The mail.

Oh, yeah, the mail. Uh...

Pa, you got a
letter here from a...



Judge Dean Benton
Sylvester from Houston, Texas.

You know him?

Yeah. Dean's an
old friend of mine.

Hey, listen to this.

"Dear Ben, two of
my very dear friends

"will arrive in Virginia City
on the third of next month,

"where they plan to do
some investing in land.

"Their names are Phil
Axe and Henry Morgan.

"These men are honest
as the day is long, Ben,

"and I would take it
as a personal favor

"if you would act
as their sponsor

"and introduce them
around your community.

Dean Benton Sylvester."

Well, what do you know.



Isn't this the... isn't this
the third of the month?

- It sure is, Pa.
- Mm-hmm.

I'd better get into town and
make some arrangements

for them for a place to stay.

Pa, you want to know
the best place to stay?

- Where's that?
- At Widow Hawkins'.

She takes in boarders,
doesn't she, Pa?

Yes, sir, and, Pa, she
sets the best table in town.

She's the best cook I
ever saw in my whole life.

Uh, except for Hop Sing here.

She's very neat, too.

The only person in Virginia City

that changes her guest's
towels once a week.

If you don't mind, gentlemen,

I would prefer not to
discuss Widow Hawkins.

Now, wait a minute, Pa,

she's got the only
decent place in town.

You can't expect the judge's
friends to stay anywhere else.

Mm... I suppose
you're right about her...

having the best
place in town to board.

Well...

well, I'll... I'll go
in and talk to her.

Adam, would you, uh... would
you care to come with me?

Wh-Why, Pa?

Protection?

Now, Pa doesn't need

any protection
against the widow.

He spent a whole day with her

last year at the June
picnic, had a wonderful time.

I spent the whole day
with her at the June picnic

because I happened to draw
her name out of a goldfish bowl

in which were the
names of 50 other ladies!

I hear tell, Pa,
around town that...

you sort of arranged that.

Now, just one long minute!

And you look at me
when I talk to you.

Yes, sir.

I know that half the
people of Virginia City

are trying to get me married
off to Widow Hawkins.

Now, maybe I have to take
their smirks and innuendos,

but I don't have to take it
from my own family, you hear?!

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

"Yes, sir."

You coming along, Adam?

I'm with you every
step of the way, Pa,

right down the aisle.

♪♪

Oh!

Oh! Benjamin, dear boy,

how nice of you to come calling.

Well, Clementine, it's...
very nice to see you.

You, uh... you know my son Adam.

Oh, yes, I know all your sons.

Especially the big one,

who looks like a
peeled grizzly bear.

Oh, that's, uh, Hoss.

Oh, yes, I remember
him very well.

But, uh, then you
have another son, um...

- Oh, you...
- uh, Tiny Tim, is it?

Uh, no, Widow
Hawkins, that's Little Joe.

Oh, of course, Little Joe.

I have the most
frightful time with names.

But do come in, and
I'll brew you a nice cup

- of sassafras tea.
- Clementine, I, uh, actually,

we really don't have time to...

Now, Benjamin, that is
not being very neighborly.

For years I've been trying to
show you the inside of my house,

and now is the time.

And I shall not take
no for an answer!

Why, it will be jolly having
your friends ensconced here

as paying guests.

Oh, the tea will be ready!

♪♪

You know, there's only one
thing missing from this room.

What's that?

A trapeze bar hanging
from the ceiling.

Well, Benjamin, I see
you've been admiring

some of my posters.

Yes, uh... My, I do
miss the theater so.

You know, that was how
I met my late departed.

Oh, uh... Mr. Hawkins.

Coo. He were a
fine gent, he were.

Thank you.

A better husband no
lady could ever wish for.

Courteous to the extreme,

generous to a
fault, and all muscle!

Oh, I do miss
Harry so very much.

You have no idea
how lonely it gets

living in this huge place...

without a man around the house.

Uh, Clementine, thank
you very much for the tea.

Oh, not at all.

With your friends staying
here and you visiting them,

it'll give us a chance to
catch up on our talking.

Well, good-bye, ducky.

Come again... soon.

Uh...

since I'm in town, I might
as well tell Mr. Jefferson

Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan
are coming to Virginia City.

All right, ducky.

What was that again?

Oh, I said we
better not be late.

Uh, Hop Sing is serving
stuffed duck for dinner.

Yeah.

You water these horses
and meet me at the bank.

Morning.

Ah. Howdy, Smiling Sam.

Oh, howdy, Ben.

Uh, that's a little
crooked there, Sam.

How's the electioneering going?

Fair to middling.

Give me another crack
at the mayor's office

and I'll put every crook in
Virginia City behind bars!

As head of the reform ticket

that is my platform!

What are you doing in town?

Oh, I, uh, I came to see,
uh, Clementine Hawkins.

Oh... Sam... it was
strictly business.

Oh-ho, sure, business.

Yes, business.

Now, it just so happens

that there are two
wealthy businessmen

coming here to Virginia
City to invest in land.

And I'm fixin' for them to
board at Clementine's place!

So you see, it was
strictly business.

- Oh!
- I beg your pardon, Ben.

Sorry, Harry. Listen, uh...

a couple of things I'd
like to talk to you about.

I'll tell you, you
go in my office.

I've got some
business to attend to.

- I'll be back in about ten minutes.
- Harry...

my business won't wait.

Are you in that much of
a hurry to get out of town?

Yeah.

Oh, very well.

- Oh.
- I'm sorry, Harry. I...

Ah.

There it is.

750 acres of river bottom land.

Fella that owned
it let it go for taxes.

Shouldn't cost us more
than 50 cents an acre.

Oh? Excellent, Sam!

But... that's excellent.

Yeah.

Well...

you think we should get
about $25 an acre for it?

Well, now, Sam,
let's not be greedy.

Uh, let's ask, uh,
$20 an acre and...

then we could settle for $15.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Well, you see, it's not only
conveniently close to the town,

but over yonder, just
beyond those trees,

there's a lovely creek that
flows through the property.

We call it Sunny Acres.

Well, it's beautiful,
just bee-u-tee-ful.

And it appears to be exactly
what we've been looking for.

What price are
you asking for it?

Well, sir, we've decided
to let it go at a sacrifice.

Uh, shall we say $20 an acre?

Well, that sounds fair.

- And, uh, equitable.
- We'll buy it.

Now, uh, gentlemen, do
you wish to pay for the land

in money or by check?

Oh, uh, by cash, of course.

Yes, as, uh, soon as
we sell our nest egg.

Nest egg?

An emerald... one of the
world's largest and most perfect.

See, it's called
the Burma Rarity,

and by consolidating
our cash, gentlemen,

in this beautiful gem,

we eliminate the
hazard of carrying

large sums of currency
upon our persons.

Well, how much is it worth?

Well, it's been
appraised at $50,000,

but we are so anxious to get our
land project development started

we are willing to let
it go at $25,000 cash.

$25,000?!

Precisely.

Well, uh, gentlemen, uh,

my bank... will be happy to, uh,

to purchase your gem.

Of course, I'll have
to have the approval

of the board of
directors, but...

that will require
only a few days.

Uh... gentlemen, if you were
to ask Clementine Hawkins,

I'd say this should go
as "first come, first serve."

Do I understand that you
want to buy the emerald?

Coo. And wouldn't
I be a foolish one

to let pass such a quick profit.

Where are you
gonna get the money?

I have $15,000 cash, and
I'll borrow the other ten.

Mr. Jefferson,

do you think your bank would
mortgage my boarding house

and the 125 acres
beyond it for $10,000?

Well, I... I suppose so.

If-If I have to.

Good. Then I shall come
down to your bank today

and get the cash.

Oh, um... but perhaps I ought
to have this appraised first.

Oh, uh, very wise
precaution, madam.

Positively flawless.

Magnificent stone.

Allow me to read
you this little card.

"The Burma Rarity...

"a replica of the famed
Emerald of Burma.

"Lately, a part
of the collection

of J. Willoughby Smythe,
San Francisco financier."

Now, madam, we wish you to
have this handsomely engraved

little card absolutely
free of charge,

along with this genuine fake
replica of the Burma Rarity.

Now, madam, I would advise
that you keep this replica

on the table here under glass.

Yes, it will add to the
decor of your room, ma'am.

Yes, indeed.

Now, of course, the,
uh, the genuine jewel

you will keep
locked in your safe.

What do you estimate the value
of this stone to be, Mr. Nagel?

Oh... possibly as
high as $50,000.

Certainly no less.

Coo!

Then I am to make a
clear profit of $25,000.

And my dear Benjamin
made all this possible.

The Burma Rarity...
and the imitation...

alike as two proverbial
peas in a proverbial pod.

- Oh, I beg your pardon.
- Gesundheit.

And, uh, now, madam,

shall we complete
the transaction?

Oh, yes, of course.

$25,000.

Thank you very much.

Oh, how clumsy of me!

- What happened?
- Uh, the emerald.

I've dropped the Burma Rarity.

- What happened?
- What happened here? I'll go...

Over there,
Mr. Morgan, on your side.

I've got it.

Oh. It's all right.

Oh.

Here you are, ma'am,
the Burma Rarity.

Oh, Mr. Nagel, I
believe that will be all.

I wish to thank you
for your cooperation,

wish you good luck,
and good afternoon.

Thank you, sir.

- Uh, good day, ma'am.
- Good day.

And, uh, now,
gentlemen, if you'd care

to pay us for the property.

That's 750 acres at $20 an acre:

exactly $15,000.

Uh... well, Mr. Jefferson,

we dislike to transact
business this late in the day.

Yes, if you'd be willing
to come to our room

the first thing in the morning
with the deed to the property,

we'll be more than happy
to transact the entire deal.

Well, I'd hoped to finish
the transaction at this time.

Uh, Mr. Jefferson, shall
we say 7:00 in the morning?

Oh, very well,
7:00 in the morning.

Good day, gentlemen.

- Very well.
- Mr. Morgan.

Coming, Mr. Axe.

Uh... good day, Mrs. Hawkins.

Good day.

- Smiling Sam.
- Good day.

Good day.

Ah, you beautiful moneymaker.

Isn't that gorgeous?

Isn't that beautiful?

Mr. Axe, do you realize
this is the fifth time

since the first of the year
that we've sold the emerald?

Yes, Mr. Morgan, I realize that.

And do you realize that
our total profit to date

is exactly $125,000?

By the way, who is scheduled to
be our next suc... uh, customer?

Well, I believe, uh, Ben
Cartwright mentioned

a rancher friend
of his up in Oregon.

Yes. And also remind
me that I've got to order

some more gla... uh, emeralds.

Oh, yes, put it back.

♪♪

- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Widow Hawkins.

- Do come in.
- Mrs. Hawkins.

We want to talk to
Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan.

We have here the deeds
and titles to Sunny Acres.

Now, all we have to do
is to get their signatures.

And their money.

It seems my erstwhile boarders

left bright and
early this morning.

Left this morning?

Yes, but only for a few days,

just to complete some
unfinished business.

They left a note, and they told
me they would return in one week

at which time they will complete

their business
transaction with you.

- Return within the week.
- Mm-hmm.

And in the interim, they want
you to prepare Sunny Acres

for a town site.

Prepare Sunny
Acres for a town site?

What do they mean?

Well, they request that
you stake out individual lots

on which they
wish to build homes,

and each lot is to be
exactly one-half acre in size.

Each lot one-half acre in size?

There are 750 acres...

They want us to
stake out 1,500 lots?

Oh, dear.

Precisely. And in
case you don't know it,

they borrowed your
horse and wagon

for "necessary transportation."

So far this deal has cost us
one wagon and two horses.

Coo, gentlemen!

Think of all the
money you'll make.

Now, Mrs. Hawkins is right, Sam.

Well, we'd better get to it.

We've certainly got our work
cut out for us the next few days.

- Good day, Mrs. Hawkins.
- Good day, gentlemen.

Good day, gentlemen. Good day.

♪♪

♪♪

- Hey, Pa?
- Yeah?

Pa...

I was just out rounding
up some strays

over on the other
side of Virginia City,

and you know that little
old strip of land down there,

kind of the creek-bottom place?

Yeah, I've been there
a couple of times.

Yeah. I just saw
Mr. Jefferson from the bank

and that Smiling Sam out
there driving stakes in the ground

- and marking off lots.
- Oh, yeah, well,

those land promoters are gonna
buy about 750 acres from them.

They're gonna divide
them up into building lots.

For who, fish?

Pa, have you ever seen
that land in the springtime?

No, it's always nice
and green in the summer.

Well, it ought to be nice
and green in the summer...

It's under six foot of
water in the spring.

- What?
- Yeah.

Smiling Sam and
his reform ticket!

And he's gonna put every
crook in Virginia City in jail!

Well, we better find Axe
and Morgan in a hurry.

I still got them strays
to round up, Pa.

You come along with me... these
human strays are more important.

♪♪

You mean, th-they
left early this morning?

Bright and early.

I, um, I believe they'll
be back in about a week.

I think I overheard them
say something about... Reno.

Re...

Now, look, Clementine,

when they return, warn them
they must buy no property

until they've had a
chance to talk to me.

I shall tell the
gentlemen that very thing.

- Thank you very much...
- Meanwhile,

why don't you and
your son sit down,

and I'll get the tea things.

No, Clementine,
uh, Hoss and I...

- It will only take half a mo.
- We really don't have any...

Now, Benjamin, do sit down.

Wha... What?

Let me help you
with that, Clementine.

Oh, thank you so much, Benjamin.

Uh, Clementine, I-I've
got to explain something.

That loud crash that you
heard, now, Hoss here..

Yes, I know, everyone
wants to try the weights.

That's the third table
I've lost this month.

Well, of course, I'll
replace the table for you.

Now, here's a little
dainty for Hoss.

I don't suppose your
celestial chef Hop Sing

makes anything like that.

No, ma'am, he-he sure don't.

I could never understand
about Chinese cookery.

Sautéed kumquats

and hummingbird's
tongues under glass.

Hey, Clementine, this...
this bauble, that wasn't here

the last time I
was here, was it?

Bauble, indeed!

You are referring
to the Burma Rarity.

Burma Rarity?

Yes. Your charming friends,
Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan

sold it to me for $25,000.

'Course, I had to
mortgage the house

to make up the
rest of the money.

But it's a good buy,

and Mr. Nagel, the
jeweler, estimates its value

to be... $50,000.

Mr. Axe and Mr. Morgan
sold you this for $25,000.

They did.

They... they took
a $25,000 loss.

They did.

And went to Reno.

- They did.
- Clementine...

I'm sorry to have put
you to all this trouble, but...

But you haven't
even tasted your cake.

Clementine, perhaps some
other time. Hoss and I...

- Are you sure?
- And I'm sorry about the table.

But there are many things
that we-we really should do.

- You come back again, Hoss.
- Thank you, ma'am.

And you, too, ducky!

- Pa?
- What?

Did she say "ducky"?

Come on, I got to
send a telegram.

- To who?
- Judge Sylvester!

She did say "ducky."

"They fleeced me of $25,000.

"Stop. Pretended to sell
me a genuine emerald,

"but during the transaction,
switched an imitation

"for the real gem. Stop.

"Catch the crooks. Stop.

"See that they're hanged. Stop.

"Immediately. Stop.

Best regards, Dean
Benton Sylvester."

And in his letter,
Judge Sylvester said

that Axe and Morgan were
honest as the day is long.

Well, the days are
getting shorter all the time.

Well, obviously, Axe and
Morgan forged that letter.

Eh... poor Widow Hawkins.

Mortgaged her place just
to buy that fake emerald.

Boys, I, uh, I feel
morally responsible

for what's happened to...
to Clementine Hawkins.

I-I sponsored the crooks,
I introduced them to her.

And, this is as much
my problem as it is hers.

Now look, news of this must
not get out to Virginia City.

Why stall about
her being swindled?

They'll find out about it
sooner or later anyway.

Yeah, first let's
find the crooks

and get the money
back for Clementine.

Now Adam, you stay here
and take care of things,

Hoss, Little Joe,
you come with me.

Right, Pa.

Hey, Pa, Pa.

- What?
- Wait a minute, listen.

That telegraph fellow told
me that the Widow Hawkins

has sent a telegram
to an insurance man

to come out and
appraise that gem.

What?

Yeah, he's gonna be
here at 8:00 on the stage.

- I forgot all...
- 8:00?

It'll be 8:00 by the time
we can get to Virginia City.

Looks like we got here too late.

What are we gonna do now?

I don't know,

but I can't let that
insurance man

get a look at that
hunk of glass.

You stay here.

Well, he seems to be
doing all right so far.

I sure hope he doesn't
try to kick it under the table.

Yeah.

Dad-burn it.

Oh, I knew it.

Look, Joe, it's
up to me and you.

We got to get that fake emerald.

You shoot the light out,

and I'll jump through
the window and grab it.

Right.

Now.

Come on!

Get out of here.

Benjamin, go after
them, Benjamin.

Shoot them, shoot
them, Benjamin.

Yeah, oh, yes, yes,
yes, I'll shoot them.

The emerald, they
got the emerald!

I... They-they got
clean away, Clementine.

He left his hat.

Madam, I would suggest that
you take this hat to the sheriff.

It's a clue to the
thief's identity.

Oh, th-this is my hat.

Hmm.

Well, I still think you should
report this to the sheriff.

I-I think so too, yes.

Um, when you recover
the gem, madam,

if you will write to me,

I will return and make
another appraisal.

From what little I saw of
it, it is a superb emerald.

Well worth the
$25,000 you paid for it.

You mean that was
a genuine emerald?

Oh, I'd stake my professional
reputation on that, sir.

I bid you good night.

Ducky,

did you perhaps think
it was an imitation?

Now, um, this hat
that you claim is yours.

Bend down.

Bend down, Ducky.

I think we should sit
down, the both of us,

and have a nice cozy chat.

You just wait till I get
my hands on those two.

You just wait.

How did the widow take the news?

How'd the widow take the news?

Well, when she
discovered that...

that those brothers of
yours stole that emerald,

she gave me an ultimatum.

Which is?

She that said she would never

turn her relatives
over to a sheriff.

Do you mean what
I think you mean?

She said that the whole
incident would be forgotten

if I... if I marry her.

She even had the gall to suggest

she come over here
to the house tomorrow

and rearrange the furniture.

Coo... Coo?

I'm going after those
two brothers of yours

and you stick right here.

Uh, Pa, I was wondering.

Um... Well, where do
you think Clementine

will want the bar bells?

Over the fireplace,

or would Harry's
tights look better there?

Hey, good morning.

Oh! Dad-burn it.

This thing's been punching holes

in my back all night, Joe.

You see him, go get him.

Run and get him.

That's it; sic, Fido.

I knew I'd find a good
purpose for that thing.

Hey, hey.

Come on.

Come on, come on,
don't go back to sleep.

We got to get those crooks

before they get
too far ahead of us.

Dad-burn it, Joe.

I'm so hungry I
could eat a pack mule.

How come we didn't
stop by the ranch house

and pick up a sackful
of grub before we left?

Well, thanks a lot, pup.

Hey.

Hey, Joe, I smell grub cooking.

You smell grub?

You know, I think I do.

Yeah.

Hey.

Joe... Hey, Hoss.

Come on, we got
some trading to do.

Look, chief, you
got 'um trust me.

I'm having a hard time
getting through to the chief.

Look, chief, chief,

big medicine in
piece of green glass.

It'll cure-cure
warts and dandruff.

Make your hair shiny.

Heap big totem for chief.

Here, here, Joe,

let me... let me try
some sign language.

Uh, look here, chief.

Am I to understand
that you gentlemen wish

to dispose of this bauble?

Yeah.

In exchange for food?

Well, that's what we
sort of had in mind, yeah.

Very well.

There's mutton stew in the pot.

- Help yourselves.
- Hot dog!

Thank you.

Perhaps on the next stage coach,

there will be a
tourist gullible enough

to take this piece
of glass off my hands

at a small profit.

Mr. Morgan, allow me.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Axe.

You know, when I think
of those two petty crooks

out there measuring lots and
pounding stakes into the ground,

it warms the
cockles of my heart.

Mine, too, Mr. Morgan.

They were such rank amateurs.

Imagine not being
able to tell the difference

between a cheap piece of
glass and a real emerald.

The Burma Rarity.

Ah, a beauty.

Ah, uh, what's the
matter, Mr. Axe?

Um, I don't know, Mr. Morgan,

but it seems to
have lost weight.

Oh?

- Oh, my.
- Uh, one moment.

Mr. Morgan, this is a fake.

What?!

Oh, that is a fake.

Try this one.

Oh, a fake.

This one?

Yeah, yep, yep, a fake.

That one?

Yeah, a fake.

Mr. Axe, I'm afraid we goofed.

We goofed, Mr. Morgan?

- You goofed.
- I goofed?

Yes, you were supposed
to pull the switch.

Now, now, who switched who?

Now. enough of this
soul-searching, Mr. Axe.

I suggest we return
to Virginia City

and try to recoup our property.

- Posthaste.
- Or faster.

- We came for the real emerald.
- Um...

Now, let's have it.

The, uh, did you
gentlemen say the, uh...

You came for the real emerald?

- That's right.
- That's right.

The one you sold to
the Widow Hawkins,

and then stole back from her.

Every time I think about
the way you two crooks

took that poor,
little widow woman,

it makes me mad
enough to bite a porcupine.

Oh, I'd sure like to see that.

Yeah?

Uh, Mr. Morgan,

uh, I believe they
have us dead to rights.

Uh, if you'll permit me, sir.

When I started on
my career of swindling,

Mother warned
me that retribution

would catch up with me some day.

Would that I had
taken her advice.

Come on, give me that.

That's the real one.

Yeah, you can
tell it's a real one

just by looking
at it, can't you?

Yeah, if we didn't have to
get this back to the widow

to save our pa's neck,

I'd-I'd skin you two alive.

Well, I sure wouldn't
like to see that.

Oh, uh, young gentlemen,

uh, would you
mind telling me, uh,

what you did with the,
uh, the imitation emerald

that we left with the widow?

We traded it for grub.

Would you mind saying to whom?

Yeah, a fella named
Chief Crazy Fox.

- Chief Crazy Fox.
- Chief Crazy Fox...

I believe he's
that noble redskin

that's also in our profession.

Yes, he runs that
concession stand

down there between
here and Virginia City.

Mr. Morgan, I suggest that
we renew our acquaintance

with that worthy.

- Posthaste.
- Or faster.

Right.

You saw the buckboard go by?

And the other two went
by early this morning?

Thank you very much, chief.

Heap cheap.

Hmm. Heap cheap.

How much do you want for this?

Me get 'um ten dollars.

For you, make 'um five.

How would you like to
gamble it for five dollars?

Gamble?

Poker or dice?

Aha! Neither one.

There's a new game
in the west, Mister,

it's called the shell game.

And it is played
very simply with...

one, two... three little shells,

and one very small, little pea.

Now, the object
of the game, sir,

is to tell me under which shell

the pea lies.

Now, watch very closely,
because if you can tell me,

you win.

Hey!

Hmm.

Uh.

Hey. Here it is, Pa.

I'm certainly glad I caught
up with you two highwaymen.

Let's have a look at this thing.

Is this the emerald you stole
from Clementine Hawkins?

Oh, no. You know
that one was a fake.

This is the real thing. We
got the two crooks in Reno

and got it back from them.

Boys, the one you
stole was the real thing.

This is another
one of the imitations.

Huh?

Yeah.

Are, are you sure, Pa?

I'm positive.

Just a minute.

What did you do

with the one that you so
shrewdly stole from the widow?

The one which is a
real Burma Rarity?

Speak up!

We traded it for some grub.

For some grub?

Dag burn it, Pa,
we was starving.

Psst. Let's go.

Yeah. We'll get it back, Pa.

- What?
- Come on.

♪♪

Ha!

Now, uh, uh, you say
you gave it to this, uh, girl?

Yeah, which way did she go?

Yeah, it's imperative
that we find out.

- Yeah.
- Imperative?

Mmm. In times of
stress, such as this,

my memory sometimes fails me.

Yeah, I figured that.

Would a ten dollar bill
help you to remember?

It all comes back to me now.

She was on the stagecoach

bound for Virginia City.

- Virginia... that way?
- Virginia City.

Let's go.

Ha! Yep!

Blonde.

But as to which way she went,

in times of stress,
such as this,

my memory sometimes fails me.

Would a ten dollar bill
help relieve the stress?

Virginia City.

Ha! Ha!

All right, Joe, You
take this street,

and you check the
registry at the hotel.

- Right.
- Hoss, take this street

as far as you can go.

If you find any girl
that fits the description,

you let me know immediately.
I'll be around here somewhere.

- Yes, sir.
- Go on. Get going.

Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

You weren't
watching very closely.

It is such a lovely watch.

Is there something else...

- No thanks.
- You'd care to wager?

Let, uh, somebody
else win the money.

Good afternoon, sir.

Would you care to wager
one small silver dollar

to prove that the hand is
not quicker than the eye?

Well, yes, as a matter
of fact, I think I would

like to wager that.

Very good, sir.

Now, watch the pea.

Under the shell. Gentlemen,

watch the pea and
watch the shells.

Watch me move them
quickly about the table,

and tell me where the pea is.

Uh... under the little one.

I'm so sorry, sir.

Uh, that, that, uh, gem

that you're wearing
interests me.

Would you, uh,

you care to wager say,
five dollars against that?

As you like, sir.

Again, watch the
pea under the shell.

We move the shells around.

Now, under which
shell does the pea lie?

I'll say, uh, under
the middle one again.

Must be under the middle one.

Obviously you've played
this game before, sir,

because the pea is
under the middle shell.

Thank you.

Oh, you forgot
your five dollars.

OH, honey, you keep that.

But it's just a chunk of glass.

Well... but such nice glass.

Pleasure to meet you
again, Mr. Cartwright.

Now, if you'll kindly hand
over the Burma Rarity.

Yeah, hurry up.

Well, you, you
want... I guess if you,

you want the Burma
Rarity, I guess I'll,

I'll just have to
give it to you!

Let him go, Hoss, he's all mine.

Ain't you gonna help him?

Nope.

Here, this one's a fake.

Another fake,
another, and another.

They're all fakes.

Ah!

Now, this is the one I
examined the other day.

The genuine emerald.

And what a beauty it is.

Uh, Madame, uh, would
it be amiss if I presumed

to ask you a question?

Uh, could it have been
possible that... oh, no.

Uh, what Mr. Morgan
is trying to say, Madame,

is how could a sweet,
little old lady like you...

Old lady?!

Look here, you two crooks,
I knew you were crooks

from the very beginning.

Your modus operandi
gave you away.

You see, Mr. Morgan,
what did I tell you?

Yeah, but look at her, Mr. Axe,

who would've ever
suspected that...

Gentlemen, many years
ago when I was in the theater,

I was billed as a
female prestidigitator.

I knew you were
planning the switcheroo,

exchanging the real
emerald for the fake.

So I just... pulled
the switcheroo first.

- Mrs. Hawkins.
- How do you do?

Well, sir, mighty glad to
see you back, mighty glad.

We've got the 1,500
lots staked out for you.

And now, are you ready
to complete the deal?

Gentlemen, I'm afraid
that Mr. Morgan and I

must leave town again.

Leave town?

Where are you going this time?

I'm escorting them to
San Francisco, Mayor.

But we've gone to a lot of work,

preparing Sunny
Acres as a town site.

When will you get
back to Virginia City?

And take over Sunny Acres?

About 20 years.

Clementine, you're
an amazing woman.

Absolutely amazing.

Oh, Benjamin, how gallant.

And in front of
all these people.

I just knew, when we
had our little talk yesterday,

that you and I
would see eye to eye.

Now, Clementine...

we, uh, we did get the...

get the emerald back
for you, didn't we?

Yes, but I... And, uh...

we did have some
sort of an agreement.

You mean...?

Mm-hmm.

Coo!

I won the war
and lost the peace.

Well, as we say in the theater:

There's always another
booking for a good act.

An amazing woman!