Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Auld Sod - full transcript

Town drunk Danny Lynch's letters written to his dear Irish mother tell her of his life as a wealthy Nevada rancher, and when the old lady comes to America to pay her son a surprise visit, Danny convinces the Cartwrights to let him pretend that he is the owner of the Ponderosa and they are the hired hands.

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(fanfare plays)

BEN: Oh, boy, what a mess.

Now, look, let's not have
any more argument about this.

Since Hop Sing has been away,

this place has been
turned into a pig sty.

Now, one of you
is going to stay here

and get this place
back into shape again.

Who's it gonna be?

Pa, it ought to be
Adam or Little Joe.



You know I ain't no good
at this housekeeping.

Neither am I, Pa.

Neither am I. I agree with Hoss.

It ought to be Joe.

Yeah, well, why always
me and not you or Hoss?

All right, let's
stop the haggling.

We'll decide who it'll be
by the usual fair method.

I want to choose my match.

I'm tired of getting beat.

BEN: Go ahead.

All right.

You ready?

LITTLE JOE: Ready.

Put 'em together.



It'll take about two
days to get that bull

back up here from
the railway siding.

By the time we get back,

I expect the loser to have
this house clean as a whistle.

The whole house.

Understood?

Ow! Dad gum it!

Clean as a whistle.

The whole house.

Let's get ready, boys.

(winch squeaking, groaning)

Aw, that dad-burn Little
Joe ain't... fixed that thing.

Dad-gum rock!

You were supposed to get
a pick and chop that thing off.

(grunting)

Lazy little scoundrel.

Pa'll tear him up
when... Dad-gum...

(yelling)

(water splashes)

HOSS: Dad blame it!

(echoing): Confound
that blasted...

(grunting, spluttering)

HOSS: Where's that...
where's that rope?

You owe me... (grunting)

(yelling)

(big splash)

(theme song playing)

(mooing)

(mooing)

Hoss! Hoss?

Hey... clean as a whistle.

I didn't think
Hoss had it in him.

(Ben laughs)

Look, I'm beat, Pa.
I'm gonna go to bed.

Yeah.

Well, if the kitchen
is this clean,

I'll have to admit Hoss is
a real great housekeeper.

(laughs) Let's go see.

This is the cleanest
this kitchen's ever been.

(yawns)

That Hoss is not only a
first-rate housekeeper,

he's a first-rate cook.

This is a better stew than
Hop Sing ever dished up.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, Pa!

Pa, come quick! Upstairs!

Come on! Hurry!

Know who she is, Pa?

No.

She must be the one.

Hmm?

That cleaned the house
and made that stew.

BEN: But why would she
want to do a thing like that?

LITTLE JOE: Shh! Shh!

Don't wake her up.

She must be tired
from doing all that work.

Well, Hoss can
tell us who she is.

Yeah, he may be in town all day.

Hey, Pa...

Hey, maybe
something in that satchel

will tell us who she is.

I-I don't want to
go in the satchel.

Well, why not?

No telling how long
Hoss might be away.

It wouldn't be right.

Oh, go ahead and
look in the satchel.

Go on.

For shame, man!

For shame!

What a black-hearted
scoundrel you are!

A man who would rob a
poor old woman in her sleep

is capable of anything!

And how dare you
come into this house

with mud all over you!

- Yah-hah!
- Oh, ma'am, would you please stop

for just one moment?

I'm Ben Cartwright,
these are my sons,

and we're in this house
because we... we live here.

Yeah, and-and seeing as we
didn't know who you were, ma'am,

we-we thought we'd look
in your little satchel there

and see if we could
find out who you... were.

You have tongues, haven't you?

All you had to do was to ask

and I'd tell you that
I'm Nellie Lynch!

(hoofbeats approaching)

(horse whinnies)

Did you find him, Hoss?

Uh... no ma'am, I
didn't, Mrs. Lynch.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

Eh, just a minute, young man.

Danny always was
an easygoing soul,

and I know he lets you
brutes get away with murder.

But you're toeing the mark
as long as I'm staying here,

and don't you ever
come in this house again

looking the way you are,

or you've seen your last
day on me son's ranch.

Your son's ranch...?

That's what I said.

Mrs. Lynch... your son
must be Danny Lynch.

Of course it's Danny Lynch!

Now, who else would I be
coming all the way from Ireland

to see one more time before
I die, but my son Danny?

Mrs. Lynch, I think there's
something you ought to know...

Oh, stop talking so much.

It's not the likes of you
I come out here to see,

so stop standing there,
and go fetch me Danny!

Git!

Go, go, go, go...

Pa, I been looking all
over the place for you.

I wanted to tell you
about Mrs. Lynch...

I know all about Mrs. Lynch.

Why didn't you
tell her the truth?

Pa, that little ol' woman

came all the way from
Ireland and... thinking that...

Well...

Pa, I just couldn't
break her heart.

Hoss, you should've
told her the truth.

Pa, if it hadn't been
for that little old lady,

I'd have "drownded,"
right out there in that well

before you got back.

Drowned?!

Yes, sir.

I fell in the well.

(Little Joe & Adam laughing)

Dad-burn it! It ain't funny!

Pa, that little ol'
woman saved my life.

N-Now, look, Hoss, you've
gotta be sensible about this.

We've got a lot of men
working around here,

and sooner or later,

somebody's gonna let
the cat out of the bag!

Shh!

Well, you're not
doing her a kindness

by letting her believe a lie.

And what's stopping you from
going right back in the house

now, and telling her the truth?

Well, I...

Well, she oughtn't to hear
the truth from a stranger.

She's gonna hear it from the
man who started this whole thing.

Come on.

All right, Danny.

If you gentlemen have
come to pay me a visit,

I hope you brought
your own bottle of whisky,

because I don't have
a drink left in the house.

On your feet, now.

Mr. Cartwright here paid
your fine; you're free to go.

MAN: Now, just a moment, Danny.

There's something fishy here.

Beware of strangers
bearing gifts.

And don't forget we'll
be out of here tomorrow.

Yeah, you're right, Howie.

You never did care much
about the likes of Danny Lynch,

Mr. Cartwright,

so I don't think
you'd do me a favor

without some strings attached.

There are no strings, Danny.

I'd just like you to come
out to the Ponderosa.

Hah! No strings, he says.

Lock the door, Sheriff,

and give him back his money.

I'd rather rot in
this spot where I lie

than work me indebtedness
out on the Ponderosa

like a slave in bondage.

I reject your offer, sir,
and bid you good day.

I doubt that the Devil himself

could get an honest
day's work out of you,

so I certainly wouldn't be
wasting my time trying to,

I just thought you'd
like to see your mother.

Oh, that I would, that
I would. (laughing)

But even if I had
the eyes of an eagle,

I couldn't see all
the way to Ireland.

(laughing)

Oh, Howie, I got a letter
from me mother a week ago,

and he's telling
me... (laughing)

Your mother is not in Ireland,
she's at the Ponderosa.

Me mother is here?

In Nevada?

That's what I said.

I can't believe
she's really here.

I just can't believe it.

We can't believe that you're the
owner of the Ponderosa, either.

Tell me, how'd she take it
when she found out all the things

that I wrote in my
letters were lies?

Well, we, uh, we
didn't tell her, Danny.

We thought you'd
like to do that yourself.

Poor Dobby.

Poor Dob.

Come on, Danny.

And my regards to your
dear old mother, there, Danny.

And have one for me!

So, Pa, that's why I
sent Little Joe out in

the buggy with her.

What's it gonna hurt, Pa...?

I said no, and that's
exactly what I meant, no.

Now, look, Hoss, I-I
know you're grateful to her,

and you have a nice soft heart,

but you don't have a
soft head, and neither do I.

I told you this before.
Sooner or later,

Mrs. Lynch has got
to find out about him.

But no, she don't, Pa!
That's just the point!

She ain't gonna be here
but a couple of weeks.

Now what's it gonna hurt
if we play like her son is

the owner of the Ponderosa?

Pa, I can put up with
Danny for a couple of weeks

a lot easier than I can break
that poor old lady's heart.

Oh, God bless you, Hoss,
you got the heart of a saint.

You keep out of this.

Pa, you-you just
got to stop thinking

about how you feel about Danny,

and think about
that poor old lady.

She came all the way
over here from Ireland, Pa,

and it just wouldn't be fair.

Hoss, would you
stop being ridiculous?!

You're not gonna change my mind.

And neither are you.

Well, Danny, at least we
can get you cleaned up.

Why don't you come on in
the kitchen with me, huh?

HOSS: Stubborn Danny...
(horse approaching)

Danny!

Never mind getting cleaned up.

It's too late for
that. She's here.

'Tis a lovely place
my Danny boy has.

Oh, a lovely place.

That it is, ma'am.

Danny?

Dobby?

Oh, Danny!

It's the first time I've
been called Dobby

since the day you left Ireland!

Dobby! Oh, Dobby!
Oh, sweet Dobby!

I can't believe my eyes!

- It's my Dobby! Oh!
- Oh, Danny! Oh!

God love ya! Oh, thank ya.

Danny, oh, I've been so lonely!

I'm so happy! Oh!

DANNY: I love ya!

(both laughing, sobbing)

I thought Danny
would be all shaven

and have one of Pa's suits
on by now? What happened?

Oh, dad-burn it,
nothing happened.

- You mean, he wouldn't go for it?
- No.

We tried to talk him
into it, but solid as a rock.

- (both laughing)
- Oh, Danny!

Oh, I've been so
lonely! Oh, Danny!

- Danny, oh!
- Oh, God love ya!

You know, I think the
rock just might melt?

Two weeks.

(hushed): No more! Two weeks!

Danny Lynch,
just look at ya now.

Faith and only a
mother could love ya.

You're a sight to behold.

You're right, Mrs. Lynch.

He don't look much like the
owner of the Ponderosa, does he?

But now that you're here,

maybe he'll start
sprucing up a little bit

instead of looking like
one of us cowhands.

Well... tell me now, Dobby,

did you come all the way
over here to see my trousseau

or was it your Danny boy
you really come to see?

(both chuckle)

Tell me, Dobby!

Oh, Danny, you devil,

you know, I don't
have to tell you.

(both chuckle)

- May I?
- Certainly.

(sighs) I haven't tasted
a fine Irish stew like that

since the day I left my home.

My mother's a fine
cook, isn't she, fellas?

- Oh, yeah. -She sure is.
- She is.

There's only one way to
top off a meal like that...

it's a spot of good brandy.

Ben, Ben, you know
where I keep my bottle,

get it for me, will you, please?

I'll get it for you, Pa.

You just stay right
there, Little Joe.

I'm gonna get
this brandy myself.

You enjoy a spot of
brandy, don't you, Dobby?

No, I don't.

Well, I take a wee spot now
and then for medicinal purposes

only because my
doctor recommends it.

He says it's good to keep
my old blood circulating.

(chuckles) Then you
have a very wise doctor.

My father always told me, "Watch
out for a man who doesn't drink.

"And if you run into an
Irishman that doesn't drink,

stay away from him like you'd
stay away from the plague."

But remember, it was
the whisky that done him in

long before his time.
God rest his poor soul.

Ah, come on, Dobby,

you and I both know
that he was drowned

while fishing in the
Irish Sea off Ballriggan.

Well, if he wasn't drunk,

he wouldn't have
fallen out of his dory.

(Danny chuckles)

Oh, thank you, Ben.

Oh, no, no, no, not for me.

Oh...

Ben, you know I always like to
do the honors with my own hands.

Oh, that's enough for me.

Well, seeing this is a
special occasion, Ben,

I don't mind if you and the
boys join me in a spot of brandy.

A little spot of brandy?

- No, thanks, boss.
- No, no, thanks.

NELLIE: This is a very
special occasion, Danny,

and I really didn't mean
to spoil it by reminding you

of how your father
left this world.

I don't have to worry
about you, Danny.

Any man that could build
an empire like the Ponderosa

would never let the
whisky ruin his life.

Forgive me, son.

(chuckles) There's
nothing to forgive.

And seeing that we're together,

well, it's just nothing
to do but celebrate...

(chuckles)

Danny!

Danny?!

You got to get up now!

Danny boy, don't you
hear your old mother?

The sun's been up for hours,

and here you're
sleeping your life away!

- (coughs)
- Get up!

(rooster crows)

Oh, good... (coughs)

Good morning, Dobby. And
how are you this fine day?

Never mind how I am.

You just, you get down here.

Remember, you have to
do something for me today.

Ben. Ben!

Leave your horse
saddled. I want to use it.

No, Pa, wait.

He hasn't been up a
single day before noon

since he's been here.

Well, at least that way
you'll see less of him, Pa.

Oh!

Pa, he ain't much
like his ma, is he?

I don't see how a woman
her age does it, Pa.

She's up every
morning fixing breakfast,

and then after that, she's
working all day like a slave.

You know, that
Nellie Lynch is a...

she's a remarkable woman.

I have a great deal
of respect for her.

I wouldn't mind it if she
spent the rest of her days

right here on the Ponderosa.

But how a wonderful
woman like her

could mother a, a
useless, shiftless, worthless,

lazy parasite like
that, that son of hers.

Well, it's just beyond
my understanding.

(rooster crows)

Danny!

Where did you get all the money?

It's my passage money, Danny.

I paid my passage here, and
I'm paying my passage home.

Now what kind of a son owning
a grand ranch like the Ponderosa

would permit his poor mother

to buy her own
passage back to Ireland?

Well, not your Danny
boy. Here, you take it back

and I'll buy your
passage myself.

I accept charity from no
one, not even you, Danny,

not even if you owned every
foot of ground in America.

So stop arguing with me
and put it in your pocket

and go to town and
make all the arrangements.

You have no right to be
so proud and independent.

Ah, keep the money
and save your breath.

Ah, yours, eh, Danny?
Ah, he's the finest.

Now go along with you

and purchase my
passage back to Ireland.

♪♪

Hello, Mr. Ramsey.

Oh, hello, Danny.

Well, what can I
do for you, Danny?

Well, I'd like to buy
passage for Ireland.

Oh, for you, Danny?

No, it's for my mother.

Oh, well, now let me find
out about the ships here.

Well, let's see. We have a...

- You say to Ireland?
- Yeah.

There's a ship leaving New
Orleans... the Kilkennan...

The last of the month.

I can't accept the passage
money for the Kilkennan.

Your mother will have to
pay for that in New Orleans

when she gets there.

You could just leave
ten dollars with me.

It'll more than cover the cost
of telegraphing to New Orleans,

and then you can pay
for the stagecoach ticket,

our stagecoach ticket,
any time you want.

Before she leaves, of course.

Well, thank you, Mr. Ramsey.

It's a pleasure doing
business with you.

And it's a very bright
young man you are.

Thank you, Danny.

Never saw you so
prosperous, Danny.

Your luck sure must've changed
since the last time I saw you.

My, my, this coat
sure has a rich feeling.

I'll bet you could sell...

Now, it ain't for sale,
so quit fingering it.

Well, Danny, I'm flat busted.

I couldn't buy it if it was.

I haven't even the price
of a glass of whisky.

Well, I better be on me way.

It's good seeing
you again, Howie.

Well, Danny...

when the cards was
turnin' right for me,

did I ever turn my back on you?

No, you didn't, Howie.

And wouldn't turn me back on you

but I'm not as
prosperous as I look.

Oh, but Danny, the...

No, that is not my money, Howie.

I'm not lying to you.

It is not my money.

But Danny, it's got
purchasin' power,

no matter whose money it is.

Please, Danny, I'm pleading
with you; I'll beg with you;

I'll get on my knees...

Oh, now, stop
it, Howie! Stop it!

Well... you never deserted
me when I was down and out

and I will not desert you.

I'll buy you one stiff
drink and a good meal

and that's all.

Danny, that's all
I can ask of you.

Hey, come on, Danny. Come on.

I'm thirsty and hungry.

Come on.

Come on, Danny. Come on.

That's Pa's horse, all right.

Maybe we can talk him into
staying in town at the hotel

till Mrs. Lynch leaves.

MAN: Well, are you
in or out, Mr. Lynch?

(slurring): I'm in.

Give me three.

Do you suppose Pa
was so fed up with Danny

that he was willing to give
him money to gamble with

just to get rid of him?

MAN 2: Adam, Little Joe.

How's that fine
new bull of yours?

Good.

I'm, uh, still offering 500.

That's a fair
price, Mr. Higgins.

We get ready to sell
him, we'll let you know.

Well, I'm out.

Well, how about you, Mr. Lynch?

Oh... I'll bet... um... There.

I'm sure I'm foolish,
but I'll call you.

All I've got is two
pair... Sevens and sixes.

What have you got, Mr. Lynch?

All he's got is a pair of aces.

How much has he lost so far?

That's about $250.

I'm dealing you
out this time, Danny.

Why?

Because you haven't
got any money.

Well, isn't my credit good?

Not with me, it isn't.

Ah, if you can't get credit with
men that know you, Mr. Lynch,

you can't expect
to get it from me.

How about you, Mr. Higgins?

I'm sorry, Danny.

I'm broke.

But I just heard you
offer 500 for a bull.

- Adam, I heard him...
- Let's... let's go, Danny.

LITTLE JOE: There
you go. Come on.

Are you sure you didn't
give him the money?

I swear it, Pa.

Well, where did he get it?

I don't know.

I'm no good, Hoss.

No good at all.

Danny, you ain't gonna
get no argument from Pa

on that subject.

I'm no good.

Danny, you done said that once.

Now hush up, before
you wake up your ma.

You don't want her
to come down here

and see you in this
condition, do you?

Come on.

Good morning, Dobby.

Good morning!

So there you are, Danny boy.

Ha! Do you know it's
almost time for lunch?

Eh, that I do, that I do.

But I been doing
a lot of thinking.

Takes an awful lot of
thinking to run a ranch...

and, you know, there's
nothing like lying in bed

for clearing the head.

And it's lucky you are
in having the Cartwrights

for working while
you do the thinking.

It certainly gives
them an appetite.

Dobby, you been
working too hard.

I think I'll send for
the cook, Hop Sing,

and have him come
back from San Francisco.

You'll do no such thing.

With a name like that,
he could poison all of us.

Besides, I like the cooking.

Haven't I been doing it
for years, back in Ireland?

Now, did you make
all the arrangements

for me goin' back home, Danny?

Well, I... I... took that
long trip to town, didn't I?

Ah, Danny,

I wish I could
take you with me...

but I know your roots
are here in America now.

Dobby... I'm going
back into town

and cancel all the arrangements
for your trip back home.

In heaven's name, why?

Because you're never going back!

You're staying
right here with me.

(Nellie sighs)

I need you, Dobby.

Oh, I wish I could be
with you always, Danny.

- But I couldn't.
- Why not?

Until I left Ireland
to visit you,

I'd never been further from
Dunboyne was Ballriggan.

No, I'd never rest easy
buried in a foreign soil.

Uh, you know that, Danny.

Sure, Dobby.

That I do...

(hoofbeats approaching)

I thought I told you boys to
take this bull out to the herd.

You also had us
out mending fences.

We can't be two places at once.

I see the Cartwrights
are coming for lunch.

I think I'll mosey along.

Oh, but why, Danny?

You haven't eaten.

Well, I... I...

I gotta check up on
their work, you know?

It's not all manual
labor running a ranch.

It's thinking,
Dobby. It's thinking.

Good-bye.

(bull bellows)

(bull bellows)

- Get your rope, Joe.
- Yeah.

Come on...

Hey, Pa, he's gone.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Higgins.

And Danny heard
that offer of $500.

I'll go with you, Hoss.

HIGGINS: Hello, Danny.

Hello, Mr. Higgins.

Quite a chore you got, huh?

Yeah, that's a heap of wood.

Say, if you'd like
to finish sawing that,

and stack it over in that pile,

I'll be glad to give you $25.

(laughs) No, thank
you, Mr. Higgins.

Well, I can't say
as I blame you.

What are you doing with
Ben Cartwright's bull?

Uh, well, um... Ben
has a lot of bulls,

uh, so he decided
to sell this one to you.

He asked me to
bring it over to you.

Is he still asking
the same price?

DANNY: Five hundred.

Yeah...

I sure would like to
buy that bull, Danny.

I surely would.

Well, what's stopping
you from owning him?

Ben.

But I just told you...

I'd be willing to go
even higher than the 500

but before we
can close any deal,

I'd better hear what Ben says.

Hello, Ben.

John.

Uh, Ben, I-I... Now
get up on your horse.

So long, John.

So long, Ben.

(humming cheerfully)

Maybe I ought to get
you a drink, Danny?

No, it's too late for that.

It's all gone.

What are you gentlemen
doing home at this time of day?

Isn't there any work to be done?

Dobby, I hate to see you
working your fingers to the bone,

darning me socks.

Oh, I've darned your
socks before, Danny.

And your father's, too.

What is it, Danny?

Well, those are not my
socks, they're Ben's...

and every stitch of
clothes I have on are Ben's.

Even me shoes are his.

Well, what do you mean? Why...?

Nah, nah, I'd rather die than
this, do this to you, Dobby.

But, nah-nah-nah, don't
say a word, just listen,

and when I'm finished...

you won't even want to look

or ever see your
fancy Danny boy again.

- Aw...
- Now, listen, please.

The Cartwrights
own the Ponderosa.

I don't own anything
and I never did.

I was in jail when you arrived.

Ben Cartwright has always...

been set against me and me ways,

because Hoss and his brothers...

and Ben, too,

otherwise he wouldn't
have gone along with it...

Couldn't stand to see you
come halfway across the world,

and have your heart
broken into pieces,

so they let me pretend
I owned the Ponderosa.

Felt so good, too...

wearing fine clothes and...

living in a fine house, I...

It felt good inside, too,

because I could see
how proud you were of me.

I don't feel proud of you now.

Let me get it all out, please.

I stole Ben's
Cartwright's bull to sell it,

so that I could give
you back the money...

that you gave me for
your passage home.

But he caught me
before I could sell it.

What happened to me money?

Well, I-I got drunk and I lost
it in a poker game at a pub.

Oh, Danny!

You gambled away
my passage money!

I don't have any more money.

Mrs. Lynch, you'll
have the money

to get back to Ireland.

Aw, Danny, what made you do it?

I don't know.

I met a friend...
and I did it...

I did it because
I'm Danny Lynch.

Don't you worry about your
passage back to Ireland.

Pa'll give it to you.

I never borrowed a
farthing in my life, and...

I never thought I would.

But it'll all be repaid,

you can be sure of that.

Dobby, I love you,

and I'm sorry I hurt you so.

- (Nellie sighs)
- Good-bye, Dobby.

♪♪

I'll never lay eyes
on him again.

Sure you will, Mrs. Lynch.

He'll come back.

No, he won't.

He's too ashamed.

I've seen my son for the...

(cries): last time.

Oh...

♪♪

I didn't know you
were looking for him.

If I had, I'd have rode
over to your place

and told you he was over here.

He come back the same day
that he tried to sell me Ben's bull.

I didn't take him serious
right off, but he was.

Seems kind of
funny, don't it, Hoss?

Sure does. We had no
notion he was over here.

We been looking
for him for days.

I'm glad Pa
decided to invite you

to Mrs. Lynch's
farewell party, though.

You mean he chopped
all that by hisself?

Yes, sirree. He's done
a real fine job, Hoss.

Why, I've got enough
wood to last me all winter.

DANNY: Hello, Hoss!

Whoa.

HOSS: Hey, Danny!

Old John's been telling me
how hard you been working.

He sure wasn't lying.

Hoss... how's me Dobby?

She's just fine, Danny.

As a matter of fact, she's
going back to Ireland.

We're having a little
farewell party for her tonight.

I know she'd
appreciate it a great deal

if you could be there.

Well, the next time I see Dobby,

I'll have the money for
her fare back to Ireland

in my pocket, or I
won't see her at all.

Mr. Higgins, that's
the last of the wood.

May I have me money, please?

Well, sure, Danny, but
there's a lot of other work

- you can do around here.
- Just me money, please.

And, Mr. Higgins, I wonder
if you'd trust me enough

to lend me a horse
to ride into town.

Sure, I guess so, Danny.

Well, thanks, Mr. Higgins.

Thanks for
everything. (chuckles)

Hey, Danny,
Danny, wait a minute.

Danny... what you
gonna be doing in town?

What do you think Danny
Lynch would be doing in town?

Hoss, you can't change
the spots on a leopard.

Pa, he's been
working like a mule,

he cut all that wood and
stacked it for Mr. Higgins...

That must prove he's changed.

Mm-hmm. It can also prove
that all he wanted was a stake.

Did he continue
to work for Higgins?

No. Went straight to town.

Maybe he's got a plan.

You don't need a plan
to stand up to a bar.

Well... yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna have to ride
into town and find out.

I just couldn't face
that poor Mrs. Lynch

if Danny don't show
up for that party.

Yeah, she's in there now
preparing for that party...

just as excited as the
first day she got here.

Hoss... wait for me.

I couldn't face her,
either; I'll go with you.

- Tens.
- Aw, I'm out.

Small flush.

Well, looks like
me pot. (chuckles)

Bartender, some whiskey.

I thought it would be too late.

Yeah. Looks like.

Cards are sure smiling
on you today, Danny.

Here, let's celebrate.

I don't need that.

I am not drinking.

Furthermore, you can
remove it from me presence.

Well, let's ante up.

MAN: There it is, Danny...
That's all you get from me.

MAN 2 (sighs): I'm through.

Well, you're called.

I got three of the
tiniest ones in the deck.

They may be tiny, but
they're big enough for aces up.

HOSS: Danny, come on, now,
Danny, you got over $250 here.

- Now, let's get out of here.
- Come on, Danny.

- You mind if I sit in?
- You can sit in if you want to,

- but the money's leaving.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Howie, uh, you're broke;
now, give Mr. Wiley your seat.

- Aw, come on!
- Danny, come on, now!

Danny, you done broke the table!

Yeah, but Mr. Wiley's
holding plenty.

Well, I might've known!

I have no objection
to two-handed poker,

- do you, Mr. Lynch?
- Ah, none at all.

You've separated me
from so much of me money

in the past years, I'd like to
try and get some of it back.

WILEY: Well,
let's see if you can.

But we're not gonna play poker.

Now, here's $250.

You put up a like amount,
and I'll high-card you for it.

HOSS: Danny...

Would you like to pick
your card first, Mr. Lynch?

Oh, I don't care who
picks first, Mr. Wiley.

But we're not
gonna do it that way.

Here. Hoss, you shuffle the deck

and put 'em on the table.

Danny, don't do it.

For your mother's sake,

- don't do it.
- Shuffle 'em.

I just plain can't stand it.

♪♪

(footsteps approaching)

I can tell by your
face what happened.

He wanted to play double
or nothing with Wiley.

If I'd have stayed
there another minute,

I'd have broke him in two.

Why couldn't he quit
when he had the $250?

Because he's Danny Lynch.

I better tell Mrs. Lynch that...

he won't be here.

That poor lady,
she's had so much.

Thank you.

Mrs. Lynch, I... I'm
terribly sorry, but...

I don't think Danny will
be coming to the party.

Poor Danny.

He's still ashamed
to face his mother.

(sighs) I-I feel
kind of badly that...

for us all going
along with Danny's lie.

But we did it out of
the deepest affection

and admiration for you.

Mm. Dear Mr. Cartwright,
you're a kind man.

You and your fine boys,

you don't need to be
sorry for what you did.

You see... I knew
the truth all along.

You did?

But... wh-when...?

The minute I saw Danny's face.

You can't fool a mother
about her own son.

Especially an Irish
mother. (chuckles)

And I felt so grateful to you.

That's why I...
kept the Ponderosa

all clean and spotless,

out of me gratitude.

And about this party,
it's grand of you.

But... would you make
my apologies to everyone?

I-I just don't
feel like a party.

(quiet sob)

(door opening)

♪♪

Well, good evening, everybod...

Everybody fill up a glass,

and we'll drink a toast
to me mother... (chuckles)

the pride and joy of Dunboyne,

and the only woman... her
son Danny ever truly loved.

Danny, you're drunk!

Oh, no, I'm not.

This is the only drink that's
passed me gullet in days.

Here.

Don't bother to count it.

Take me word for it,
there's 500 beautiful dollars

nestled snug and
warm behind that string.

(chuckles) Take me word,

because I'm never gonna
lie to you again. Never.

Well, a toast to me mother.

May the winds blow
kind on the Kilkennan

as it sails across the
sea carrying me Dobby...

and her Danny
boy back to Ireland!

(soft gasp) Oh, Danny!

(chuckles)

I know that's a surprise,

but isn't that a toast
worth drinking to, Ben?

When the stage leaves
Virginia City tomorrow morning,

you'll never have to look
at this cheerful smiling face

of mine again.

Here, Hoss, eat your fill.

Because unless you visit Nellie
and Danny's fish and chip place

in Dunboyne, you'll never
taste the likes of 'em again.

NELLIE: Ah... Danny,

this is the happiest
day of me life!

And I'm glad you don't
own the Ponderosa.

Because if you did, you couldn't
go back to Ireland with me!

(chuckles) Well,
now, Mrs. Lynch,

I'm sure you haven't
forgotten how to do an Irish jig.

(others laughing)

Play, boys!

♪♪

Don't make a habit
of those, Hoss...

You'll have to go clear
to Ireland to get them.

Might be worth it, Pa.

- Pa, this is a great party.
- Yeah, sure is.

You know, I'm gonna sort of miss

having old Danny
around, ain't you?

Yeah. Sure am.

What am I saying?

♪♪

ANNOUNCER: This has
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