Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 2, Episode 22 - The Tax Collector - full transcript

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Oh, no, you don't!

You little...

You come here,
you little lumber thief!

You come back here...

No, Hoss, no, no!

Baxter.

I didn't even recognize you.

All I saw was somebody
beating up on Little Jock.

You sure pack
a mean punch, Hoss.



What was you doing
picking on that little feller?

Know what that little varmint's
up to?

Ain't no telling.

What's he done now?

He's stealing Ponderosa lumber.

Not the felled trees, mind you--
the cut lumber.

Oh, no, you don't!

Come here!

Get over here and fess up.

I was only taking me enough

to build me a little bit
of a corral.

I don't, I don't reckon
you could really blame a man

for trying to fix his place up,
could you?

Wait till your pa hears
what Jock's done.



We'll see whether
he gets the blame or not.

I was gonna pay him back just
as soon as I got me some money.

Honest, Hoss.

I'll tell you what, Baxter.

I'll take full responsibility
for-for all this.

If that's the way
you want it, Hoss.

Me, I'm just a hired hand.

Baxter, you-you keep this
under your hat, you hear?

Hoss, I sure can't tell you
how much I appreciate this.

Ah, it's all right, Jock.

Glad to see you're sort of
fixing the old place up.

Oh, yeah,
I-I work at it all the time.

Hoss, how was it you told me
these postholes ought to be dug?

Hoss, you sure dig pretty.

Hey, Jock, you that tired?

Yes, sir, I'll tell you, Jock,

keep this up and you're gonna
have a, have a real nice place.

I'm doing it
all on Sally's account.

Yeah. How is Sally?

Oh, the heat bothers her.

You know how they are
when they get this way.

Yeah. W-When's her time?

Mm, close as I can reckon,

about, uh, three weeks
come Tuesday.

Here she comes now.

Ain't she
the sweetest thing ever?

I can't hardly wait to see
that little colt of hers.

Yeah, from her looks, he ain't
gonna be long coming neither.

Better get that corral fixed.

Where's them posts?

In the barn.

With them
awful heavy boards, Hoss.

Yes, sir, this time next year,

I'll be racing Sally,
training her little colt.

Ought to make myself
a regular fortune.

Yeah, it's a long time
till next year, Little Jock.

What are you gonna be doing
in the meantime?

Oh, odd jobs here and there.

You know me, Hoss; one thing
I ain't afeared of is work.

You know that, don't you?

Oh, yeah, yeah, Jock,
I know that all right.

Of course, I-I probably could
borrow against my winnings.

Or-Or I might could even
sell a piece of Sally,

if I wanted to do
a friend a favor.

Yeah, uh...

Hey, listen, Jock,
you-you got any paint?

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah, I got some left over
from last year,

when I was gonna
touch up the house.

Of course, I-I got so busy,

I never did get around
to it, though.

Yeah, well, listen, I-I think
you ought to put a little paint

over this fresh lumber before
Pa gets a close look at it.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, there's Hose's hat.

Hoss!

Morning, Mr. Cartwright.

Good morning.

I can't let him
get close to this lumber.

Coming, Pa.

So this is where
you've been all day.

Mr. Hoss, I fix good dinner.

All get cold.

Look every place for you.

Oh, I-I was just here
helping old Jock.

Yeah, so I see.

Poor little feller's
got so much to do,

I don't reckon
he'll ever get it all done.

Yeah.

Well, you're not forgetting
I'm racing Raven

against Gatling in town today,
are you?

Oh, no, no, no, Joe,
I-I ain't forgetting.

I was just trying
to be neighborly.

You-You fellers go on in.

I'll-I'll try to get there.
Best of luck to you, Joe.

Go on. Go.

I'll try to get in, if I can.

Jock.

Oh, Jock.

Howdy, Mrs. Henry.

You sure look spry today.

Oh, nice of you to say so, Hoss.

Jock's taking bets
I come in ahead of Sally.

Are you betting?

No, no, I was just spoofing.

Jock, you were gonna take
six head of cattle into town

and pay the taxes.

I clean forgot.

Jock, you better do that.

You bet I better.

I won't be gone long.

Bye.

Oh, Jock, if they fetch
a good price,

will you buy me something?

Why, sure, honey.

Anything you want.

Just the goods to make me
a new sunbonnet.

Sun's beginning to irk me, too.

You know what I'll do?

I'll buy you one
already made up.

Oh... Jock,
that-that's real sweet of you.

Maybe she'll give me
three sons someday,

like-like you and Adam
and Little Joe.

Well, guess I better
rustle my livestock.

Maybe I can get to town and
watch Little Joe win that race.

Wrong horse in lead.

Come on, Raven!
Come on, Raven!

Ben, you ought to know by now
you can't beat Gatling.

What I need's a bigger hat.

We'll beat him yet, Ellery.

Not with Raven you won't.

You know, you may need a bigger
hat, but not for our money.

You'll find my...

your cattle down at
the livery stable, Mister.

Thank you, friend.

Thank you.

I ain't never betting against
that Gatling again

until my Sally's
back in condition.

Your wife?

My mare.

Mister, Mister.

You mind letting me
have two dollar?

You won $120.

Now, what do you want
with two dollars?

To buy her a sunbonnet.

Your mare?

My wife.

It's lovely, Jock.

Thank you.

As soon as Sally's
back in condition

and-and can race again,
I'll buy you nothing but silk.

Oh, I know you will,
Jock, honey.

I know you will.

Sure was a pretty bonnet
you bought your wife, Jock.

Uh-huh.

Hey... what's the matter
with you, anyhow?

Price of them cattle
wasn't no good, or what?

Shh.

I lost them, betting on Raven.

You lost them?!

Jock, that was your tax money.

What am I gonna do with Sally in
her condition and Ellen in hers?

Dad-burn it, Jock,
you're gonna get a job.

You're gonna go to work,
that's what you're gonna do.

Ain't nobody who'd hire me.

Well, we'll just see about that.

Think maybe your pa
would give me a job?

Well, Jock, there's-there's
a lot of good places

in Virginia City to get a job,
and I'll go and help you.

Hoss, I-I just can't lose
my place to the tax collector.

It's all I got to give
my colt and my kid.

Ah, now, look at me standing...

I ought to be ashamed of myself,
interfering with your work.

You go right ahead.

Jock, you're gonna
go in there and put on

your best bib and tucker, and
I'm gonna go home and clean up,

and we're going into town.
You hear that?

Now, come on.

Ouch!

Ooh.

Jock! Jock Henry!

Tell him it isn't me.

Tell him he made a mistake.

Jock, you can't keep on
hiding forever.

That's Dave Hart,
the tax assessor.

He's after my tax money.

Jock, I've been looking
all over for you.

I've been trying to find a job,
honest, Mr. Hart.

It's true, Dave, he has.

- Sure enough.
- Well, that's what's so funny.

He's looking for a job,
I'm trying to give him one.

I don't see what's so fun...

Give me one?

What kind of a job?

Well, I've got
more than I can handle

with the mines and the business
establishments in town.

I need someone to assess
the settlers' homes and ranches

and make the collections.

Well, uh... what does it pay?

$60 a month for assessing.

First two months
go to pay his back taxes.

But he gets
two percent of his collections

to pocket for himself.

Dave, you got an assistant.

Now, now, wait.
I don't know.

Sally the way she is,
and-and Ellen,

I ain't sure I want to be
away from them.

I guess they do need a provider.

If you really need me,
Mr. Hart...

I'll take the job.

Well, I expect you
to work at this, now, Jock.

Ah, Dave, he'll be
the best dad-burn tax collector

you ever had.

You come with me, and I'll
give you your collector's book

and a list of people
to drop in on.

Hoss, you gonna tell us or not?

Who cut your lip for you?

I done told you,
I run into a broom.

Mm. I just wondered
who threw it.

Oh, and that, uh,
that little scratch

you got there on your cheek.

Cut myself shaving;
that's the truth.

Look, Hoss, if you did
have a fight...

Pa, it wasn't no f... fight.

But if you ask me, there's
one member of this family

looking for a fight right now.

I'm sorry.

I'm just worrying about you,
that's all.

Well, if you must know,

I-I was out job-hunting
for Jock Henry.

Mr. Henry outside.

Jock?

What's he doing here?

Well, ask him to come in,
have something to eat.

You didn't find a job
for him, did you?

I sure did.

And a good one, too.

Good morning, Mr. Henry.

Come in.
I fix you nice breakfast.

Come in.

Thank you, Hop Sing.

Sounds real nice.

Well, morning, Jock.

- Morning, all.
- Hi, Jock.

Jock, when, uh,
when you gonna start work?

Start?

I been at it
since the crack of dawn.

Now, hush up; I'm adding.

Oh.

He's adding? What's he adding?

I don't know.

Where's he working?

What kind of a job did he get?

He's Dave Hart's assistant.

A tax assessor?

Tax collector, too.

Mr. Cartwright, appears you owe

the Virginia City treasury
$1,647.95.

$1,600?!

And $47.95.

Just one minute there,
Mr. Tax Assessor, Mr. Henry.

Since when do you know anything
about tax assessment?

Last year, I paid only $375!

Things that Dave Hart
must have overlooked.

Thanks to Hoss here, I get
two percent of all I collect,

so I don't overlook nothing.

Care to, uh, pay up now?

Pay now.

Why, I wouldn't pay now...!

Pa, Pa!

Pa, Pa, Pa!

Mr. Cartwright,
I-I know how you feel

about me being lazy
and shiftless and all,

but thanks to Hoss here,
I've changed.

And-And that's why
I come here first--

out of gratitude,
Mr. Cartwright--

to show you
just what I think of you.

Gratitude?

Thank you, Hop Sing.

I would like to have
a few words with you.

Yes, sir.

All right, now, let's have at
this problem one at a time.

You, Ellery, speak up.

Why, it's that
no good Jock Henry.

He had the nerve to assess
my livestock at $15,000.

That's the most outrageous thing
I ever heard in my life!

I'm backing my assistant

Jock Henry all the way.

Well, if you feel
that way about it,

I'll take up my complaints
with your assistant personal!

Brooders, huh, Mrs. Hart?

Best in Virginia City, Jock,
if I do say so.

They are, they are.

And, uh, about how many eggs

would you say
they're setting on?

97 exactly.

Ninety--that's just
the count I got.

97 little chicks.

Chicks?

They're only eggs.

Mrs. Hart...
they're little living animals.

They're just as alive
as that other 200

that are already
running around here.

Well, whether you're right
or wrong, Jock, forget it.

Dave always does.

You see, the chicks are mine
for a special fund...

Ah, ah! I don't want
to hear that, Mrs. Hart.

I don't want to hear that my
boss is cheating his taxpayers.

Why, you insignificant,
miserable, little wart!

You dare say a single word
about my Dave,

and I'll cut you to ribbons.

There he is.

There's the little varmint!

Get him, Nancy!

Bet I will!

There he is.

Look at all those old biddies
chasing after Jock.

That's my wife!

Oh...

Get him, get him!
He'll pay for this, girls!

Hey, now,
w-what's all this fuss?

That husband of yours.

Do you know what he's done?

My Jock?

Why, he is the most harmless,
gentle man in...

He is, huh?

Well, who gets the egg money
in your house, you or him?

Well, we haven't any eggs,
Mrs. Hart.

We haven't any chickens.

There's nothing
running around our yard

and won't be
until our baby's born.

Hoss! Hoss!

Hoss!

Ellery, what's this all about?

Why, that no-good Jock Henry--
he's-he's taxing us to death.

That's what it's all about.

You done sicked your womenfolk
on him, huh?

Best favor I can do
your sweet little wife

is to put this noose
right around your neck!

Oh!

Now, I-I'm sorry, ladies.

I... I know my man
is kind of new at his job.

If he's offended you...

I know what I'm doing.

Oh, sure you do.

You're hiding right behind
your wife's skirt,

you little worm!

Now, I thank you
to leave my man alone.

Do you know he's taxing us
for our unborn chicks?

They ain't unborn,
they're just unhatched.

They're as alive as you are.

Well, if they settle this one,
at least we'll know

which came first,
the chicken or the egg.

Ellen, how can you stand by
a man like that?

Look at you.

Look at the clothes
he dresses you in.

Has any of you ladies
a-a prettier sunbonnet

than the one Jock gave me?

And next year,
he promised me a new one.

Real silk, too.

Bought with our taxes, no doubt.

Come on, girls, let's do Ellen
a favor and lynch him!

Oh, no, you won't!

I'll scratch your eyes out!

I'll... I'll...

Oh, now see what you all
went and done?

Easy.

Now, don't get
all riled up inside.

Think of the baby.
Think of the baby.

Now, you got to have sweet
thoughts at a time like this.

He's right.

For once.

We're sorry, Ellen.

We'll have Doc Snow
come out and see you.

I don't want Doc Snow.

I don't want anyone!

Just you leave us alone!

All right, girls.

Come on.

It's all right, Mrs. Henry.

You win.

I'll pay his ding-blasted
egg tax.

Well, Pa?

Well, we're richer
than I thought.

Then-Then Jock didn't
overtax us, huh?

Oh, I didn't say that.

Well, then he did.

Just about double.

He taxed us for
the unborn calves,

the unhatched chickens...

Well, I-I got us into this;
I'll get us out of it.

No, we'll work it out together.

With Dave Hart
backing Jock up all the way,

I don't see
what chance you have.

Well, if anybody can
talk to Jock, I can.

Um, I don't think so.

Not when he's got
the bit in his teeth.

The trouble with Jock is,
he's one of the sorry people.

Sorry people?

What do you mean, Pa?

Well, he's...

shiftless, loves the life
of idleness.

You know,
women like Ellen, they...

they-they feel sorry for them,
want to help them.

Then they fall in love with them
and they marry them.

Then they take on
all their burdens.

You're sure right about Ellen
being in love with him.

Main trouble with
the sorry people is that, uh,

if somebody throws
a little prosperity their way

or a little authority,
th-they're worse than ever.

They become obnoxious.

What are we gonna do?

Well, one thing you can't do--

you can't meet
the sorry people head-on.

If you do, you-you get in deeper
than a steer in a bog hole.

How do you handle them, Pa?

You got to outwit them.

Maybe, uh, connive a little bit.

I think that's the line
we should be following.

Let me think, boys.

Wait a minute!

Jock, honey,
you forgot your lunch.

Me, eat lunch
out of a paper bag?

Ain't you forgetting my position
just a little?

And look at this place.

I'm gonna move us into
a fancy boardinghouse in town.

And have our baby
playing in the street?

And... and what about Sally?

I'll put her up
in a livery stable.

And have her baby
growing up in a stall?

I only plan to hire her
a full-time exercise boy.

But, Jock,
it would cost so much money.

Money is no object.

Ain't I a legally appointed,
full-time tax collector?

Jock, honey...

could you walk to work?

I'll need the buggy today.

Of course, my dear.

Someday, we're gonna have
two buggies.

I'll hire myself a hack in town.

Sally, something terrible
has happened to Papa.

We've just got to
do something about it.

Hello, Mrs. Henry.

This is a surprise.

Oh, sh-should you be, uh,
riding around with--

well, you know, in your...?

I-I just had to come,
Mr. Cartwright.

It's awful important.

I got to talk to you.

Oh... are-are you
feeling all right?

It's Jock.

Something terrible's happened.

What-- He hasn't had
an accident?

No.

It's much worse than that.

He's changed.

He's become
a different kind of man.

Yeah, I'm-I'm fully aware
of that.

He used to be so sweet and kind.

He was always around the house
when I needed him.

Yeah.

Now I don't even know
where he is half the time.

And not only that,
Mr. Cartwright,

a lot of people don't seem
to like him anymore.

Oh, Mrs. Henry, uh...

Let me get this straight, now.

Are you suggesting
that you'd be just as happy

if he didn't have
this tax collecting job?

Oh, Mr. Cartwright,
do you think there's any way

you could talk him
into giving it up?

Well, I... I'd sure
like to help you

along those lines.

Uh, look, why don't you, uh,
why don't you come in the house,

and we'll, uh, have a cup of tea
and then we can talk about it.

I sure would love
a cup of tea, but I...

Well, I-I don't think I ought
to move around too much.

Oh!

Oh, by all means, by all means.

Well, I'll-I'll get Hop Sing
to get the tea ready,

and I'll bring it out
in a jiffy.

Joe.

Yeah, Pa?

Where's Hoss?

Oh, he's outside.
I'll get him.

No, no, no. No, no.

He might balk at this idea.

You know the way he is, wrapped
up in helping Jock and all.

Yeah, you're probably right.

Now, Hoss has a lesson
to learn, too.

He's let his heart run away
with his head.

Yeah, what's your plan?

Now, do you remember

that sorry little filly
that took us

in those match races
over at Carson City?

Oh, do I.

She ran as fast as
a streak of lightning.

Not much larger than a pony,
and skinny.

You'd swear she couldn't
carry a man,

much less run like the wind
under him.

Hey, Pa...

Pa, that's right.

And Jock can't resist
a horse race.

Why, that horse
would make Gatling

look like he was standing still.

Little Joe, you're pretty good
at conniving yourself.

Well, thank you, Pa.

Son, I want you
to buy that filly.

Hmm. Not at the price
that farmer asked.

What's the difference?

The money's gonna be
taxed away, anyway.

Go get her.

Yes, sir.

Pa, I've known you to do
a lot of conniving in your life,

but I never knew it
to take you this long

to connive up
something real good.

Conniving?

Well, that's a fine thing
to say to your father--

call him a conniver.

Joe, where'd you go last night?

Where did I go last night?

Dad-burn it, don't answer me
with a question,

answer me with an answer!

There's something
mighty haywire around here.

Anybody home?!

Why, uh, look who's here!

Hoss, it's, uh, Mrs. Henry.

Why don't you go out
and see what she wants, son.

Why me, Pa?

Well, Hoss, she's your friend.

And besides, I haven't
finished my breakfast yet.

All right.

Pa, you know,
you were almost too anxious.

Hey, do you think so?

Well, anyway, she's more
reliable than her husband.

She's on time.

I-I'm sorry, Hoss.

I don't mean to bother you,
but, well,

Sally's having terrible pains,
and-and Jock's gone out

on his tax collecting,
and I-I'm all alone and...

and I just got to have help.

Poor little old Sally.

Sure I'll help you, ma'am.

You-You just scoot over.

Thank you, Hoss.

Hey, Pa, you know,
the more I know you,

the more I realize
what a conniver you are.

Well, never mind
what kind of conniver I am.

Let's get to town.
Ellery's gonna be waiting.

I'll get the filly
out of the barn.

Little Joe, don't let
"solly" filly catch cold.

You keep cover with blanket.

Got plenty money
lie on him today.

Don't "wolly."

I better get the horses.

I get my money.

You've been
standing there for 15 minutes.

Make up your mind.

Well, Ellery, I think I'm about
ready to make that bet now.

How much?

Well, I'd say, uh,
I'll bet you $1,000.

Let's make it $2,000.

No, a thousand
is good enough for me.

All right, then, $1,000.

It's a bet.

Little Joe, let's talk about
the strategy of this thing now.

Excuse me.

Fine animal, isn't he?

Beautiful!

Ben.

She's what I call a sorry filly.

Not fast enough to race,
too small for a full day's work,

and not strong enough
to pull with the team.

What are you talking about?

I paid a lot of money
for that horse.

Well...

See, the fact is, Jock, I, uh...

I bought it
to race against Gatling.

Well, that's the trouble
with these sorry fillies:

someone's always
taking them to heart,

sweating over them, loving them

and going broke on them.

Now, Jock, I paid $500
for that horse,

and I intend to pay taxes
on the full amount.

Well, I wouldn't
assess her at $50.

When I'm betting $1,000
against Gatling?

$50-- you supposed to be
a horse expert?

Any more money you want to bet
against Gatling, Mr. Cartwright?

Now, we're not talking
about money.

This is a,
this is a grudge race.

Hop Sing,
that goes for you, too.

I, uh, I sure hate to see Hose's
pa make a fool of hisself,

but believe me, Mr. Cartwright,
that filly of yours

ain't worth its weight in hay.

And you're supposed to be
an assessor?

You bet I am.

Bet? Bet what?

You haven't got a penny to bet.

I get a good salary.

$60 a month-- chicken feed.

Uh, 12 months is $720;
you call that chicken feed?

No, I call that a bet.

Oh.

You're not backing down,
are you?

Now, wait a minute,
Mr. Cartwright.

You're-You're Hose's pa;
I can't do this to you.

Well, I don't mind doing it
to Hose's best friend, do I?

Mr. Cartwright,
man gets too uppity,

he needs taken down a peg.

My sentiments exactly.

For your own good,
I'll take that bet.

Good!

Now let's get down
to the starting line.

Nah, Mrs. Henry, Sally ain't
likely to have that colt today.

Are you sure, Hoss?

When I left,
she was standing in the corner,

pawing a big hole in the ground.

She was?

Dad-burn it, I sure would hate
for anything to happen to Sally

without Jock being here.

I think I better
ride in town and get him.

Hoss, now, please wait.

You know you'll never find Jock.

Ma'am, everything's gonna be
all right.

Don't you worry.

Hoss, now, he just
keeps going from

one house to the next
and from one barn to the next...

Ma'am, everything's,
everything's gonna be all right.

Don't you worry about it.

Ma'am, you go get me
some hot water, and hurry.

Hurry! Run!

Look, Joe, if we're gonna get
ourselves a new tax collector,

you better win this race.

I'll just let him run himself
out the first two laps

and take him on the third.

You better take him
on the third.

Or you're out $1,720.

No, we're out $1,720.

You have half the bet.

We got to win this one, skinny.

It's gonna be all right.

Before you know it...

Before you know it,
you're gonna be a...

you're gonna be
a brand-new mother

of the cutest little old colt
you ever seen--

with a brown face
and big brown eyes

and a bushy tail
just like yours.

Gonna look just like you.

Dad-burn it,
where is that water?

Everything's gonna be
all right, Sally.

I-I'm gonna have to go
to the house a minute

and see if I can get some water.

I'll be right back now.

You-You stay right here,
you hear?

Be still.

Lay right still.

I'll be right back.

You just be nice and calm
like me, you hear?

Yeah.

I thought you was
gonna bring that water.

I'm having a heck of a race
with that horse...

Ma'am.

Mrs. Henry.

Help me, will you, Hoss?

Yes'm.

I-I put the water on, Hoss,

but I think you're gonna be
needing it for me.

Oh, no.

I'm afraid you can't stop it
with words, Hoss.

Yes'm. I-I'll run into town
and get Doc Snow.

No, no, there isn't time.

Ma'am, don't you worry
about nothing.

Everything's gonna be
all right, you hear?

You're gonna have a nice,
big, old, healthy young'un,

big, blue eyes
and a long, bushy tail...

Ma'am, I hear Sally calling;
I got to run.

You stay right where you are
and stay calm,

just like me, you hear?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Please, Hoss, hurry!

Yes'm.

Sure got a race on my hands now.

Dad-burn starts
are ganging up on me.

Here I am back, Sally,
just like I told you.

All right, boys,
I'll take your bets

right up to
the last time around.

Remember, they got three times
to go around.

That's ten to one, ten to one.

I'll take your bets...

All right, boys, don't rush me.

We keep money in family.

Ten to one.

You bet Gatling, huh?

You bet Gatling, ten to one.

We keep money in family.
Very good.

Sally.

What you crying about?

Didn't I tell you
I was gonna be back?

Well, they ought to be

coming around the corner
any minute now.

At least, Gatling will be
coming around the corner.

Come on, Gatling!

Close up on him, Little Joe!

Close up on him!

Gatling in front.

This not so good
for this bookmaker.

All right, folks, all right,
folks, you saw it for yourself--

Gatling two lengths ahead!

Odds are now 20 to one!

20 to one--I give same odd.

20 to one.

You take Gatling,
you take Gatling.

We keep money in family.

All right, now,
you wait your turn now, boy.

All right, now-- hey, give me
back that, give it back.

You know,
I hate to take your money.

Yeah, I'll bet you do.

You want to add
another half year's salary

to that bet, Mr. Cartwright?

Jock, why don't we make it
another full year?

That'll make it two years.

It's a bet.

Everything's gonna be
all right, Sally.

You think you got problems?

Mrs. Henry's got problems
just as bad.

She's real brave about it.

Hoss? Hoss!

I got to go back
in the house, Sally.

I-I'll be right back.

You lay right here, you hear?

Look out for that hot water.

You stay.
I'll be right back.

I got to go in the house
just a minute.

Hoss, you'd better
come in here quick!

Hoss!

Hoss!

Here they come.

- Go! -Make it
another thousand, Ellery?

No, no! Go, Gatling!

- All right, Joe! Run him!
- Go, boy!

21 to one, boys.

Come on, you big spenders;
21 to one!

21 to one. I give same odd.

Twenty--What's the matter?

You no bet?

Keep money in family.

All the same.

21 to one--Gatling.

What you crying about, ma'am?

I-I told you I was gonna be
right back, didn't I?

Everything's gonna be all right.

Sally's calling, ma'am.

I-I got to go back out
to the barn now.

Don't you let nothing happen
till I get back, you hear?

Hoss, I'm afraid I don't have
much to say about it.

Yes'm.

Well, I'll be right back.

You-You stay right here.

Don't you go nowhere, you hear?

I'll be right back.

Sally, what you
holding out on me for?

If you're gonna do something,
do it.

If you don't, Mrs. Henry's
gonna beat you to it.

She's gonna be calling me
any minute.

Now, come on, here.

Come on, Joe!

Come on, Joe!

Yahoo!

Yahoo!

I don't know
what in the world happened.

That's the worst race
Gatling ever run!

$1,000, Ellery.

What did you say
that mare's name is?

Well, her name is Clementine,

but I think from the look
on your face,

we ought to call her
"Old Sorry" from now on.

It ain't funny.

Don't feel so sad.

We keep all money in family.

Hey, Joe, that was
a wonderful race!

- Wonderful.
- Thank you.

Hey.

Oh, Pa, you said half the bet.

All right, men,
don't rush me now!

Get back in line!

Don't rush me!

Hey, thanks.

Hoss! Hoss!

Sally, don't you do nothing
till I get back, you hear?

Don't you do nothing.
You just lay there.

I'll be right back.

Stay calm.

Hoss!

Hoss!

Hoss!

Jock, where in tarnation
have you been?

Don't tell me; I know.

Been out collecting taxes while
I'm here delivering your twins.

Fine husband you are.

Fine father you're gonna make.

Father?!

You mean...

You mean you, Hoss...

You bring my twins
into the world?

Go in there in the house
and see for yourself.

Hey, Jock.

Keep it quiet.

He may be asleep.

There's only one!

Where'd you hide my other baby?!

Where did you put it?!

Where did you,
where did you put him?!

In the barn, Jock.

Oh.

The barn?!

You can't put my other baby
in the barn!

Sally, Sally, Sally, I-I never
knew it would be like this.

Oh, you've got
a fine little colt.

He's gonna be our pride and joy.

And you ought to see the boy.

He-He's so handsome,
I'm going to call him Hoss.

Hoss Cartwright Henry.

Oh, Jock,
don't-don't carry on so.

I-I think I'm gonna cry.

I think you are, too.

That's right, Mr. Cartwright.

We got us a problem, haven't we?

Yes, we have, Jock.

I still owe you a year's salary.

No, two years' salary.

- Two years' salary?
- Yeah.

Yeah, he, uh, lost it
on a horse race.

Oh, it was a fair bet, Hoss.

You see, I-I bet him
against his two years' salary--

you know, supposing
he was gonna be working.

Now, if he wasn't
gonna be working, I...

Mr. Cartwright, are you
suggesting that I quit my job?

No, I'm not
suggesting that at all.

I was just saying that
I didn't actually bet you money,

I bet against two years' salary,
and if you're not working...

Oh, I, uh, well, I sure wish
I could go along with that,

Mr. Cartwright, but Dave Hart--
he really needs me

down at
the tax collecting office.

Jock, I know Dave needs you, but
Ellen needs you much more now.

I've been talking to her.

She's so unhappy
with you away on that

tax collecting job all the time.

And now with Sally and the colt
and adding in the baby,

she needs you all the more.

You really think so?

- Oh, I know so.
- I think you're right.

And you know something else?

When I first took that job, Dave
told me it was only temporary.

Temporary?

All the conniving,
and the job was only temporary.

Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.

You're welcome, Jock.

Joe, take your hat off.

That's for the baby.

That's for Ellen.

Family contribute
for little colt.

Good.

You contribute, Mr. Hoss?

I think I done contributed
enough to this outfit.

I think he has, too.

I take to Missy Ellen.

Clean up house.

Make big pot mulligan stew.

- Good.
- Good boy, Hop Sing.

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