Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 13, Episode 19 - The Customs of the Country - full transcript

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Hi, Pa.

Howdy, Pa.

"Howdy, Pa."

Where have you been?

Well, me, Pa,
I've been looking for Joe, and...

Joseph, where have you been?

Well, I... I was looking for vaqueros.

- You see, I...
- The one thing I don't see is vaqueros.

Where are the men you hired?



Well, Pa, this is gonna be
kind of hard to explain...

Oh, no, not hard. It'll just...
It'll just take some time.

Yeah, time.

As you know,
you sent Joe down to Mexico

to find them vaqueros,

and when we didn't hear from him,
you sent me to find him.

Well, my horse threw a shoe,

so I went into this little town
named Agua Santos

to find a blacksmith.

Señora, excuse me.

Could you tell me
where the blacksmith... shop...

The people are sort of funny
and peculiar there in Agua Santos, Pa.

They ain't too helpful to strangers.

Hey, muchacho.



I finally found a blacksmith shop.

Don't worry.
Don't worry.

Uno momento, amigo.

Put that iron down.

Señor, the metal is cooling.

I said put that down.

- What do you want?
- Barbarian.

- Is he a bandit?
- He's a lunatic.

Look at those eyes!

No, no, no, no.

He is Señor Hoss Cartwright.

Proceed, Alfredo.

- Buenos dias, Señor Cartwright.
- Yeah, buenos dias to you.

As soon as he puts that iron down.

What right do you have to destroy
a girl's most sacred moment?

- Sacred?
- Oh, if only I were a man.

Will you put away that gun?

We don't condone violence
in Agua Santos.

Well, what do you call this?

This, until you broke in
like a wild beast,

was a formal betrothal, señor.

Jose, we are to be married.

You're to defend my honor
as your own.

So you can start now. Throw him out.

No, no, no, Jose.

No fighting.

Señor Cartwright is our guest.

He misunderstood. A human error.

Hey, how did you know who I am?

Everything in its time.

May we proceed?

Well, yeah, as long as
the young lady don't object,

and she ain't being forced.

Uh, I am very sentimental
on such occasions.

You should see me at weddings.

It didn't hurt at all.

See? J.Q. Jose Quartos.

And a rose because when we first met,
he gave me a rose.

Aw!

You disapprove of betrothals,
Señor Cartwright?

Well, no, not necessarily.

But where I come from,
we put a ring on her finger.

Ah, sí, sí, sí, sí.
A ring for the finger.

- Yeah.
- I have heard of it.

Yeah, it, uh, goes on
a whole lot easier.

Huh, and it comes off more easily, too.

Our way,
before she can take off the garter,

she has the time to think twice.

- Three times, 10 times.
- Yeah, it's...

Señor, may I ask,
what brings you to my shop?

Oh. Yeah, my horse threw a shoe.

I was hoping I could get him reshod.

I regret, señor, I cannot help.

My shop is closed.

How can you say you're closed?

Alfredo is very sensitive.

Compadre, you remember
the good words

Padre Fernando said at the mass?

Small man make mistakes,
big man forgive them.

All right. But he must apologize
for his primitive display.

I apologize.

Niño, get his horse. Traígaselo.

Come, we will talk.

Now, Señor Cartwright,

you're looking
for your brother, Joselito.

Right. I figured
that's the way you knew me.

He described you
in the most superlative terms.

Yeah?

Ah, the man who has a brother,
we say, has stronger legs.

Uh, can you tell me
about Little Joe, or Joselito?

I mean, is he all right? Where's he at?

Can you take me to him?

Is he far, near? Where is he?

- Haha, so many questions.
- Yeah.

I can take you to him, yes,
but isn't distance a relative thing?

What is far to one man
is near to another.

Yeah.

The serpent considers
100 feet a long journey.

- To the antelope, however...
- Yeah, yeah.

I've chased a lot of antelope
in my time,

but right now,
I'm chasing my little brother.

I've been chasing him for a few days.

And time, too, is relative, señor.

What is an endless pursuit to one man
is only a twinkling to another.

To the common fly,
a few days is a lifetime,

- to the turtle, however...
- Yeah.

Señor... Señor,
could you just simply tell me,

or give me a little hint
as to where I might find him?

Over there.

Joseph!

Hey, Hoss, how are you?

Well, I'm hungry and I'm tired.
I'm tired of looking for you.

They got some bronco-busters
in this town

that are absolutely unbelievable.

Well, how long you been here anyway?

Oh, four days, five.

No, six days. I've been here six days.

Well, good. You...
How many men you got hired?

Well, that's gonna
take a little explaining.

Well, my horse is up yonder,
getting shoed,

and while he's getting shoed,
and we're signing...

That's part of the explanation.

See, I'm... I'm in jail.
I can't leave here.

You're in jail? What jail?

No, it's right... Right over there.

Well, what are you doing here?

Well, this town is kind of funny,
you know?

Yeah, I've noticed.

See... See, when it's real hot
during the day,

they bring me out here
so I can cool off a little bit,

and late at night... Thank you, love.

I go inside, have a nice dinner
and go back to sleep in the jail.

You just voluntarily go back to jail?

Oh, no, they've...
They've got an armed guard

right over there,
watching me all the time.

Well, dadburnit,
you can see he's asleep.

Come on, let's get out of here.

You know I can't... I can't do that.

He's liable to wake up and think
I'm trying to run out on him.

Joseph, you sure
you ain't running a fever?

No.

These folks have been
awful nice to me, Hoss.

I'm... I'm the only prisoner
they've had in eight years.

This is gonna take
some understanding, Joseph.

Now, first of all, why are you in jail?

I mean, that is, when you're in jail.

Oh.

Well, you see, they...
They said I desecrated the church.

You what?

No, no, I didn't say
I desecrated the church.

They said I desecrated the church.

Well, what'd you do?

Well, I wanted to see
the inside of the church,

so I went in, and I took my hat off.

- Yeah, and then what?
- That's it.

I took my hat off.

- That's all?
- Yeah.

They said that's what desecrated it,
me taking my hat off.

I ask your pardon, señor.

Joselito, it is time.

Oh, Simon. Sorry, Hoss. Gotta run.

What's for dinner?

- Tonight?
- Yeah.

- Let me see. Oh, yes, turkey diablo...
- Oh!

- With wild mushrooms...
- Mmm-hmm!

Assorted fruits, and our famous wine.

Oh, w...
Hoss, you got to taste the wine.

It's incredible. It's incredible.

Hey, Joseph, wait a minute!
Wait a minute! Come on!

No, I... I gotta go.
I don't want to offend anybody.

Señor Salazar,
are you the sheriff around here?

I am a man of many parts.

Sí, I am sometimes the sheriff.

Yeah, do you treat
all your prisoners that kindly?

I mean, you feed them all them
good and fancy meals, and all?

Señor Hoss, we think of it this way.

Our jail is their jail.

Yeah.

Welcome, welcome.

Padre, I'm Hoss Cartwright.

Ah, you are the brother of the criminal.

Oh, you should be proud.
Such a fine young man.

Yeah, that's...
That's what I was gonna say.

He is a fine young man, Padre. Really.

All the more heartbreaking to you,
I'm sure,

to know that he is guilty
of the sin of Lucifer.

In this very church.

He told me all he done
was take his hat off.

Precisely. The sin of Lucifer.

Oh, that is not to say that Lucifer
took his hat off in church.

Of course not. Ridiculous.

But spiritually, it is the same.

An act of defiance, of unseemly pride.

Our custom here

requires the head be covered
in church as a sign of humility.

Yeah, well, you see,
my little brother grew up

doing it the other way, Padre.

Of course. And there is no rancor.

Hate the sin,
but love the sinner, verdad?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, how do I get him out of jail?

Ah, that is the province
of the secular arm...

Ernesto Salinas, our mayor.

Yeah. How do I find him?

Oh, his house is
right around the corner from the jail.

- Good day, Padre.
- Uh...

Excuse me, señora.

Oh, I... I'm sorry.

I... I didn't mean
to startle you, señora.

It is señorita. I am not married.

- Thank you.
- Oh.

Uh, I'm looking for the home
of the mayor, Señor Salinas.

This is my father's house.

You may enter.

Oh, thank you, ma'am... Señorita.

Again, I'm sorry for startling you.

A good wine, Señor Cartwright, huh?

A better wine than last year's.

As you know, Agua Santos
produces the finest wine in Mexico.

Well, it's... It's delicious.

I'm surprised
I never heard of it before.

That's because
we drink it all ourselves.

- Oh.
- It's far too good for others.

But four years ago, ah...

That was a vintage year.

Yeah, now let's talk about
my little brother.

Hmm. Sí, sí. A true hombre.

Young, but a caballero.

A free soul.

Not the kind of man to languish in jail.

Exactly. I'm glad you feel
that way about him because I...

What a shame
he committed such a crime.

Such a sin.

But, uh, Señor, you...

You hate the sin,
but you love the sinner.

Your very own padre said that.

And, uh, did he also tell you
how to punish the sin

and spare the sinner?

Señores.

Ah, buenas tardes, Simon.

Again, good afternoon,
Señor Cartwright.

Señor Simon.

And how do you like our new vintage?

- Oh, it's marvelous.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Simon, you know what happens to you.

I do not wish to embarrass Simon,
but, uh, he can't handle wine.

We are... We are meeting, Simon,
to discuss the prisoner.

Oh.

Yeah. Has, uh,
my little brother had a trial yet?

Ah, we are meeting
also to discuss the trial.

We are planning to get around
to one, someday soon.

Well, I would certainly hope so.

I mean, a man is entitled to a...
To a speedy trial.

In your country, perhaps.

Well, in Mexico, too.

Ah, sí, but you are
not in Mexico, amigo.

You are in Agua Santos.

We think of ourselves
as adjacent to Mexico, not in it.

Here, it is our custom

never to approach
a serious matter with haste,

and a trial is a serious matter.

This wine, Señor Hoss,
it was not hurried.

Try to think of your brother
not as a young man in trouble,

but as a cask of wine

mellowing in the cool shelter
of our jail.

Yeah.

I think my little brother
is quite mellow enough.

And if I don't get some action
and get it soon,

I'm gonna report this whole affair
to your adjacent rurales.

Well... I suppose a... A trial
can be arranged for tomorrow?

Ah, that's much better.

More wine?

Yes, I'll drink to a trial tomorrow.

Simon, Simon... Por favor.

On the other hand, Señor Hoss,

the Mayor has reminded me
of a problem.

Yeah? What's that?

Well, the penalty
for desecrating a church

has yet to be determined.

Yeah, if the penalty is too light,
we offend Mother Church.

If the penalty is too severe,

then Agua Santos
will be guilty of injustice.

Therefore, until we can
resolve this problem,

eh, the trial will have to be postponed.

And how long is that gonna take?

Who knows?

It is the custom here
to let the future take care of itself.

And may I point out,

in my capacity as sheriff,
going after the rurales could take...

Longer than the postponement.

Meanwhile...

Ines?

You are our guest.

My house is yours.

Well, I'm sorry, Your Honor,
but under the circumstances,

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to decline.

I'll just have to find me
some other place to stay.

Señor Hoss, it is our custom here
never to refuse the hospitality.

You fellas have
so many customs going for you

that I just can't stay up with them.

Then permit me to ask...

Is it wise to offend
our chief magistrate?

Chief?
I thought he was the mayor.

He's also the judge, right?

Well, under those circumstances,

Your Excellency... And Your Honor, I...

I reckon I'll accept your invitation.

Ah. Ines? Oh.

We are honored.
Ines, we have a guest.

Señor Cartwright, my daughter, Ines.

He will have our best room. My own.

- You were right, Ernesto.
- Mmm-hmm.

It is as Padre Fernando says...

The Lord works in wondrous ways.

Imagine.

Some regrettable incident
in the church

and it brings us him.

There is only one thing
that concerns me, Simon.

Is what I propose to do
in any way dishonorable?

Only a little.

Amigo, the trial is
still five days away.

All this whittling of sticks,
this walking back and forth,

it does not make the clock run faster.

Hoss, you're missing
a great opportunity.

This is the greatest place in the world
for just rest and relaxation.

Use the time constructively.

Enjoy the sun.

Hey. They're good.

Yeah, I told you.

Those are some of the men
Joselito wanted to hire.

They didn't want to work for me.
They don't want to leave this place.

I reckon our country
and our customs would scare

a bunch of little kids raised up
in a quiet little town like this.

We are not ignorant provincials,
Señor Hoss.

Those vaqueros
have been everywhere.

To Nogales, to Chihuahua.

Even to Dallas.

They have seen much of the world.

They didn't like it.

Ah, lovely one, I will carry it for you.

Señor Hoss,
if she refuses you, be kind.

What's wrong?

We do not speak of it.

Here, permit me, señorita.

What do you want?

Nothing more than to offer you a hand.

Thank you. You are very kind.

Well, you've been very kind to me,
ma'am, both you and your pa.

Uh, His Excellency, that is.

My father means well to all men.

All men of Agua Santos mean well.

Well, I sure would like to know why
they've been treating me like they do.

I mean, it ain't none of my business,
so I shouldn't be butting in, I reckon.

You are in it, señor.

No one has met me
at the fountain for many years.

No one was willing
to share my shame until you.

I'm now sharing your shame?

In the eyes of the village, yes.

I mourn for you.

Well...

Maybe you ought to tell me what it is.

I never speak of it.

Yeah, well, uh, that's all right.
That's all right.

You're just too nice a lady
to be locked out like that.

I don't care what it is,

I'll share it with you
as long as I'm here.

I'll never forget that.

Of course I don't know
how long I'm gonna be here, do I?

Until the trial.

Yeah, uh...

You ain't, by chance, heard
when that's gonna be, have you?

You want to go?

Well, now, Ines, don't get me wrong.

I mean, I like it here and so does Joe.
We both like it here.

But we got folks counting on us
back at home,

and we like the Ponderosa
just as much as you folks

like it here in Agua Santos, see?

I'll speak to my father.

- Oh, no, I don't mean for you...
- I will speak to him.

I will help.

Señor...

I have reached a decision
concerning the trial.

Oh, good. I...

I sure appreciate that, Your Honor.

And Your Excellency, too.

I have scheduled the trial
for next month.

- Next month?
- Sí, next month.

Next week, I meant to say.

Of course, if you wish,
I can move it up to tomorrow.

Yeah, I sure enough
appreciate that,

Your Honor and Excellency.

I mean, I appreciate
your hospitality, too,

and the way
you've treated my little brother,

but we do need to get back.

We've been gone too long.

You have no wife at home? No sister?

No, no, no.

It's just my pa and my brothers
and me, I'm sorry to say.

Don't be sorry.

Ah, a woman is a heartbreak
in the home.

Oh, no, no, no.
Don't... Don't mistake my meaning.

Ines is an angel.

But sad.

So very sad.

When she was a little girl,
she was... so full of life,

always laughing, smiling,
playing her guitar.

Until...

Until what?

We're not asking
for your sympathy, señor.

She has... She has
remarkable strength,

like her mother.

The love and devotion of her father.

And never...
Never since that tragic day...

Has she lived one moment
without honor,

modesty...

And repentance.

Ay, pobrecita.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi!

Uh, I sure do want to thank you

for helping me get the trial
all set up and all.

It was a small thing.

Yeah.

Your, uh... Your Pa tells me you play.

I used to, but no more.

- How come?
- It gives me no pleasure.

Well, it'd give me some.

Why do you want to go back
to Nevada, Joselito?

Are the girls in Nevada prettier?

Believe me, Carmen,
that is not the reason.

I wonder who's playing the guitar.

It comes from the mayor's garden.

Hey, that sounds like my brother.

And he's got company.

- Ines?
- Ines?

Muchachas, muchachas,
stop annoying the criminal.

We're not annoying.

Buenas noches, Joselito.

Goodbye.

- Joselito, time for bed.
- Mmm-hmm.

Important day tomorrow.

Hmm... Oh, what are you
gonna do tomorrow, hang me?

In the morning. But not without a trial.

- Thank you.
- Buenos noches.

Buenos noches.

Ines Salinas...

Is laughing as if she were happy.

Yeah.

My brother Hoss
sounds kinda happy, too.

What do you think
the fine is gonna be?

Hey, I'm talking to you.

What do you think the fine's gonna be?

Oh, probably be somewhere
around highway robbery.

We're gonna pay it,
no matter what it is,

to get out of here.

We are gathered here
to see justice done, a wrong righted.

Soon our strong secular arm

will mete out punishment
to this poor sinner.

But let us not be smug.

We are all sinners here,

especially those
who would stoop to idle gossip.

More regular confessions
for such would be very wise.

And now... Now is time
for the proceedings to commence.

As is the custom
on all public occasions,

the beautiful daughter
of my late wife's cousin, Fernando,

will entertain us with a native dance.

Carmen Martinez!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Your Honor, this has gone far enough.

We're supposed to get into the trial.
Señorita, you...

Señor Hoss, first things first.

This is customary.

Carmen, dance.

Your Honor, I object.

Object? How can you object?
The trial has not yet begun.

Oh. Well, in that case,
I withdraw the objection.

But can I make a suggestion?

Very well.

The court will entertain a suggestion.

Good. Now, we think
it's just fine that Carmen here

- dance and entertain the court.
- Mmm-hmm.

But I move
that she do it after the trial.

That is, I suggest that
she do it after the trial.

Very well.

The bailiff will read the charges.

Señor Joselito Cartwright...

"In the year of our Lord, of 18..."

Señor Simon,

We... We understand the charges,
and he is guilty.

There's no question about it.
He's guilty.

Eh, perhaps you would like
a few days to prepare your defense?

Court is adjourned.

But... But, Padre... Padre.

I... I beg of you. I plead with you.

Ernesto, you must
conclude this business.

Sí, Padre.

The court accepts the plea of guilty.

The... The penalty...

Padre, since you are
the principal plaintiff,

uh, could you recommend a penalty?

Well...

Perhaps a dozen Ave Marias
and a sincere act of contrition.

Agreed, Padre.

To which I will add a cash fine
of, uh, five pesos.

Does that sound fair?

Five pesos?

Three, then? Make it three?

Oh... Ooh, no, no, no, no, no.

Five pesos is just fine, Your Honor.
Just fine.

Five pesos is fine.

And, uh, Padre,
I promise you we'll say our prayers

all the way home,
that is if we're free to go now?

Sí, sí.

- Adios, amigos.
- Adios.

Court is adjourned.

Simon...

- Adios, señor.
- Adios, amigo.

Adios, adios.

Adios, adios.

Muchos adios.

- Señor Hoss, momento.
- Adios.

- Simon?
- Some unfinished business.

Yeah, well,
we're in kind of a hurry right now.

I regret to say
that you're both under arrest.

- What?
- For contempt of court.

You waved your arms.
Your brother wasn't attentive.

Now, you listen to me...

And for shouting.

You listen to me.

I don't know what your game is,

but you ain't keeping us
in this town another minute.

You understand that?
Not another minute.

There ain't nothing
gonna keep us here. Nothing!

Señor, they...

They are not nothing.

They are something, no?

It was a lot nicer in here,
you know, when I was alone.

I'll be more than happy to leave,
if you can arrange that.

Hey, what do you suppose they want?

Ransom, that's what they want.
Ransom.

No, no. I've offered them
everything under the sun.

If it was money they was after,

they'd have fined us
more than maybe five pesos.

Hmm.

It was a lot nicer
when they'd at least let us out

- in the heat of the day, you know.
- Yeah.

Hey, Simon, how come
we don't get out in the heat of the day?

And wh...
What are we in here for anyway?

- We... We got a right to know that.
- Yeah.

If I were to answer you,
I would only tell you lies.

And I won't lie to you, amigos.

- Simon?
- Simon?

Ines?

- What do you want?
- Buenos noches.

- Buenos noches.
- Hi, Carmen.

It was awfully nice of you
to come visit me.

The plaza is not the same without you.

Oh, it's not the same for me
either, Carmen, believe me.

Now, come on, Joe.

Cut it out. Get rid of them.

We're just... We're just having
a harmless conversation.

Joseph, there ain't
nothing harmless in this town.

Now, go on home, girls.
Shoo, run along. Go on.

Come on.

Uh, Simon, get these girls out of here.
Send them on home.

Señor Hoss, it is a free country.

That's right.

This town ain't in the country,
remember?

And besides, we got all the trouble
we can put up with.

Now, get rid of them.
Get them out of here.

- Go on home, girls.
- Destiny brought you here.

Destiny brought the ladies here
to visit you.

From this might come romance,
even marriage.

What is this anyhow?
A jailhouse or a marriage bureau?

- Well...
- Señoritas!

What are you doing here in the night?

Stop bothering the prisoners.

This is not the way
for ladies to behave.

They're not bothering me.

Go home.

- Buenos noches, Joselito.
- Buenos noches.

My father wishes the prisoners
to have the best of his wine.

Oh, we don't want any wine.

The finest vintage?

Uh, yeah, Joe.

It's, uh... It's a custom around here
not to turn down a hospitality.

Very good.

You see?
You are becoming acclimatized.

I have forgotten glasses.

By all means, fetch glasses.

Simon, would you do it for me?

Desert my post?
Betray your father's trust.

- Never.
- Por favor.

Simon, uh, I would like to speak
to Señor Hoss alone.

But you can hardly be alone.

Joselito, turn your back.

Only a moment.

We are not slipshod here.

I will have your horses waiting for you.

Well, how do we get out of here?

Here is your answer.

Well, what do you have in the basket?

- Wine.
- Just wine?

Don't you have any keys
or a hacksaw or something?

Wine is all you need.

Simon cannot handle wine.

All you have to do is get him drunk.

It will not be difficult.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Hey, you know, Joseph,
it might be worth a try.

- We got nothing to lose, right?
- Yeah.

Ines? Ines?

Ines didn't stay?

I brought three glasses.

Ah. Perfect.

That way you can join me
and my little brother in a drink.

Oh, no, gracias, señores.

I love the wine,
but I can't be trusted with it.

You mean you're gonna
let two guests drink alone?

I mean, what kinda hospitality is that?

You must understand. I'm on duty.

No wine.

No, no wine. No wine.

Mmm-mmm...

Mmm-mmm-mmm...

You don't know what you're missing.

Oh, I do. I do.

No, no wine.

Padre Fernando
has warned me many times.

Resist the grape.

Oh, well, just because
Padre Fernando says it doesn't...

Joselito, you would have me
disobey a priest?

A man of God?

Well, it was
also a man of God that said

a little grape for the stomach's sake.

Did Padre Fernando say that?

No, I think it was St. Paul or...
Yeah, St. Paul.

I didn't know that.

- Yeah.
- And a saint outranks a priest.

Oh, sure, sure.

- No contest.
- None whatever.

Mmm. Salud.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Well...
If St. Pietro said so.

- Mmm, St. Paul.
- Well, viva San Paulo.

- Yeah, viva St. Paul. Salud, salud.
- Viva St. Paul.

You know, now that
you mentioned San Pietro,

maybe we ought not to forget him.

I mean, we want to drink
to all of them, don't we?

Well said.
That would be very dangerous.

- Yeah, dangerous.
- Saints preserve us.

You bet.

Salud.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Mmm.

Mmm... Mmm...

Mmm.

I...

Just one more, uh, toast.

To what?

Yeah.

To what. A toast to what.

To what.

Now, to Padre Fernando,

who has often wisely said to me...

I've forgotten.

But anyway, to Padre Fernando.

Salud.

Well, once again, señores...

Buenos noches.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait!

Wait a minute!

Uh...

Let's...
Let's have another drink of wine.

But the wine is all gone, amigos.

Buenos noches.

Uh... Uh... Simon.

Uh, don't... Don't leave us now.

Come on, sit down.
We'll... We'll talk a while.

What you want to talk about, Joselito?

Anything. How you feeling?

I knew it would work.
He could never handle wine.

I just hope I can handle him.

You must hurry, Señor.

Hoss? Hoss, come on.

- Hurry.
- Hoss, here we go.

Rafael will be here soon
to relieve Simon.

Come on.

Hey, Joe, I got you. You're all right.

- You got...
- Okay.

You got to sober up, Little Joe.

I'll be all right.

I'll never get you home
if you don't sober up.

- Ah. Oh, ho-ho.
- Yeah, here we go.

I'll get you home,
I'll get you home, Joseph. Don't worry.

It is all clear.

Ines, if there's ever
anything I can do...

There is one thing.

Tell him when he can understand
that I said... thank you.

The heartache is gone.

- I'll tell him. Come on.
- Hey...

You got to... You hear that?

She... Ever hear that little girl laugh?

You all right?

Yeah, everything except my head.

What a constitution that Simon's got.

I didn't think
that wine was gonna work.

I think everything in that
little old town's upside down.

But you know something?

I was getting where I sort of liked it.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

A lot of folks back there
I'd like to see again.

Yeah.

Well...

You and me better be getting up

and getting
some distance between us.

Good morning, señores.

I didn't wish to rudely awaken you.

But I now must do, Señor Hoss,
what honor demands.

Don't tell me you're here
to arrest us again.

No, señor.

Or to take us back to Agua Santos.

Sí, señor.

Not on your life.

Will somebody please tell me
what's going on around here?

I'm getting sick and tired
of this nonsense!

Nonsense?

Señor, we do not
consider this nonsense!

Ines, have you told anybody
that you put the garter on?

No.

Well, why'd you do it, anyhow?
I mean, what'd you hope to gain?

I meant no harm.

I never dreamed my father
would send them after you,

or that Simon would lead them.

But he became so angry
when I told him.

Well, exactly what did you tell him?

Well, I told him that

you broke out of jail because
of your great passion for me.

That you had put on the garter,

that I was going to
go to you in Nevada,

that you were going to marry me there.

Is that all?

Oh, forgive me.

It... It is the only way I could
explain that you were gone, and, uh...

And I thought it was a way

to rid Agua Santos of me
and my shame.

Do you, uh, really plan
on coming to the Ponderosa?

No.

But you see, there is no man
in Agua Santos for me to marry.

If I leave unmarried,

I shame my father
for having failed in his duty.

I thought they might believe
I was coming to you and let me go.

Wh... Where was you going to go?

I don't know.

Um, I am told the world outside
is very big.

I would have been looking
for only a very little happiness.

What it all boils down to
is that you're just a plain slave

and a prisoner to that shame
you got, ain't it?

But you must understand the custom...

No, what I got to understand
is what that shame is.

Now, I want to know all about it,
and you tell me right now, you hear?

I want to hear about it right now.

When I was only a girl...

My father put the garter on me,

betrothing me to a boy
I... could not love.

I had given my heart to another.

So I took off the garter.

And it meant...

I could never marry the man
I really love.

But you...

Hey.

Señor Hoss Cartwright,

are you prepared to restore
my daughter's honor?

Now, look, Judge,
let's not get into this too fast.

Justice is swift in Agua Santos.

Since when?

Joselito, your brother has committed
a crime of the gravest nature.

He has exploited
and deceived a woman.

And be assured
the punishment will be severe.

- Now, Señor Hoss...
- All... All right.

Now, wait... Wait a minute.

Before you get to Señor Hoss,
I want you to know

that I was with him
that night, all night...

Wait a minute, Joe. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. Leave it to me.

Your Honor, you want me
to make a statement, is that it?

Well, you are permitted to make one.

What we want you to do
is something much more positive.

Yes. You want me to marry Ines.

- Everything is in readiness.
- Wait. Wait...

What can you possibly
have to say, my daughter?

That he is a fine man.

Strong and... And good.

If I could marry,

if I could love another man,
it would be him.

I will tell my story now.

The truth will not be pleasant.

Ines, wait a minute.

You're not on trial here, I am.

We both are on trial.

You said once you would share.

All right, that's fine.

We will share,
but I want my share first. So sit down.

Your Honor, you're gonna
get that statement.

First of all, I don't want
none of you folks pitying me.

'Cause there was,
for a minute or two there,

that I almost had this beautiful
young creature for my very own.

Now, that's about as much a miracle

as any man could hope for
in a lifetime.

Secondly, I want you all
to forgive me for my selfishness,

for thinking for an instant

that I could take
this beautiful, lovely creature

from among you
and keep her as my very own.

Now, I... I fear to say that I love her.

For I've discovered that
you folks here of Agua Santos

think of love as being shame,
or at least that's her shame.

She took her betrothal bracelet off,
years ago, for the man she truly loved.

She's never left this village since.

Now, that leads me to believe
that my rival is still here

among you, somewhere.

And that's probably
why she won't have me.

Because of her love for that man.

Ah...

What devotion,

what love,

what faith,

to love another man so much.

Ah, but I could have
had her love me with equal emotion,

with equal honor and faith.

It breaks my heart

to think that the man she truly loves
will never make her happy.

Maybe the man she loves
is thinking only of her happiness.

How can that be when he'd allow her
to be forced to marry me,

a man she doesn't love?

But no girl who takes off the garter
can ever marry a man of Agua Santos.

It's a venerable custom.

I... I object, Your Honor.

- You do?
- Yes, to the venerable custom.

Now, I'll solve the problem

of the betrothal bracelet
by taking it off myself.

- Don't you touch her!
- Ines! Ines!

I said leave her alone!

It's me she loves.
It is I who am responsible.

I warn you,
I will protect her with my life.

Oh, Simon! Simon!

Bravo! Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

Court is adjourned.

Where is it?

Well, it's right straight down
this little trail here, Pa.

But, uh, you wanna avoid it.

They've got
very strange customs there.

Very.

If you don't mind,

I'll cope with the customs
when I get there.

Why don't you two go home?

You must be very tired
after all this time.

Vaya con Dios.

Well, Joe, you got anything
you want to do

for the next two or three weeks?

- We could do a little fishing.
- Yeah?

You think we could
get a little hunting in?

Yeah, with all the time we've got,
we can do anything we like.