Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 11, Episode 26 - The Horse Traders - full transcript
Meena Calhoun has gotten engaged to bumbling outlaw Virgil Potts, who is now trying to make an honest living in the livery business. Virgil soon finds himself in a heated rivalry with Joe and Hoss, who have opened up a stable of their own.
The following program is brought
to you in living color on NBC.
Joe! Joe Cartwright!
Hey.
Hey, Meena, Luke. How you been?
- What are you doin' in town?
- Well, we live here now.
Papa sold the mine and we
bought a house here in town.
- The old Creston place.
- Hey, that's a mansion.
At least we got room
enough for all the furniture.
Hey, I'd like you to
meet my brother Hoss.
This is Meena and her
father, Luke Calhoun.
- Howdy, ma'am. Happy to meet you.
- Howdy.
- How's your husband?
- Uh...
Your husband, Virg?
Oh, Virg.
Oh, yes.
Well, um, we're not married yet.
You know, the
arrangements and things.
Uh, he and his brothers
are all back at the house.
With their feet propped
up on somethin'.
Uh, what are you
doing in town, Joe?
We just had a little
work to take care of.
If you're supposed to be workin', what
are you doin' standin' around here talkin'?
You haven't changed
a bit, have you?
Papa, maybe they're
tryin' to be polite.
No, we really do have work to do.
It's good to see you again, Meena.
- Happy to have met you folks.
- Always a pleasure to see you, Luke.
You still like him, don't ya?
I'm going to marry
Virg, remember?
I remember. You're
the one that's forgot.
- Mornin', Miss Meena.
- Mornin'.
Well, I'm not gonna marry a man
who sits around the house all day.
I want a man who gets up
every morning and goes to work.
Well, that sure
don't sound like Virg.
Well, it could be, if it weren't for
those two no-count brothers of his.
- Now, they're a bad influence, Papa.
- Well, I'll run 'em off.
No. I just want you to make
it clear. No job, no wedding.
- If they don't still go to work?
- Then you can run 'em off.
- All three of 'em?
- All three of 'em.
Hey!
- You boys had a nice rest, ain't you?
- Yes, sir.
Well, then, when you
figurin' on goin' to work?
Well, we're waitin' for the right
job to come along, Mr. Calhoun.
Well, if it come along, it
couldn't see you in here.
Why don't you wait
out on the front porch
where it can see
you from a distance?
Oh, you don't need to worry,
Mr. Calhoun. It'll find us. Always does.
Well, if the right job ain't found you
by tomorrow, you better go look for it.
- D'you hear me?
- We been lookin' for work.
Well, you better find a job by
tomorrow, or out you go. You understand?
You gonna run my
brothers off, Mr. Calhoun?
No. I'm gonna run
all three of you off.
But I'm gonna
marry your daughter.
Not unless you go
to work, you ain't.
- Who says?
- She does.
- She does?
- She does.
No job, no weddin'.
And you can chew on
that until dinner time.
Well, he done it.
He done it. I ain't gonna be
able to sleep again till tonight.
Well, you heard him.
No job, no weddin'.
- I heard him.
- What do you think we ought to do?
I think we better get packed.
Get packed? Get packed?
You get back over there.
We'll face this crisis together.
You're gonna stay here and
live up to your responsibilities.
- You gotta face your obligations.
- And get a job.
It's your duty. You owe it.
- To Meena?
- Meena?
Not to Meena. To
us, your brothers.
Virg, Virg. Now, you
just sit down there, Virg.
Listen to me, Virg, boy.
We ain't never had two nickels
to rub together in our whole lives.
Now we're just sittin' under a
money tree waitin' for the fruit to fall.
And all we're askin' you to
do is just shake that tree a little.
Oh, I thought you were
askin' me to go to work.
Well, it's not
just for us, Virg.
You gotta think about
yourself and Meena.
I mean, the way she needs
you, loves you, depends on you.
- Right.
- Yeah.
But she's the one who said it.
- No job, no weddin'.
- Oh, well...
That's 'cause she loves you.
That's an awful funny thing
to say to someone you love.
No. That's nothin' compared to what
some people say to people they love.
Like what?
You'll find that out
after you're married.
Right now we
gotta get you a job.
Jesse, can I have my
own office, and a desk?
That sounds fair.
I don't see why not.
Then I'll be the boss, and
you two can work for me.
That way we all three got jobs.
Well, we don't need
to go that far, do we?
Doin' what?
Jesse.
Jesse, I'm about
to have an idea.
Heaven help us.
- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.
- Is Mr. Firman around?
- No.
- Are you in charge?
- That's what Firman said when he left.
I see you're sellin' cow
ponies for 45 dollars.
Not much horse. Good
ones cost you more.
I was kind of hopin'
you'd say that.
Me and my brother got
36 ponies we'd like to sell.
Cross between California and
Texas stock. They're prime animals.
- We're not interested.
- You do buy and sell horses, don't you?
- Not me. Firman.
- You just told me you were in charge.
Well, I am, in charge of seein'
that nobody walks off with the place
till Firman gets back.
Joe Cartwright.
- Hey, Mr. Firman.
- What can I do for you?
They're all fine, sound
stock, in prime condition.
Funny your pa never
mentioned 'em to me.
They don't belong to my pa. They
belong to me and my brother Hoss.
You boys goin' into
business for yourselves?
Yeah, in a small way.
I'd have to see 'em
to give you a firm offer,
but if they're what
you say they are,
they should be worth
about 40 dollars a head.
I think they may be worth
a little more than that.
I'll bring some into
town, let you take a look.
- You do that.
- Who's your new hired hand?
He isn't. Drifter. Slept
in the loft last night.
Been keepin' an eye on the
place this mornin' to pay for it.
Hmm. Well, I'll see
you later. Take care.
Hey, friend, I understand
you're drifting. You want a job?
Depends.
We need some help bringin'
some horses into town.
- I'll try it for a day or two.
- Fine. You good with horses?
Yep. They're bigger than
me, but I'm smarter than them.
Well, there might be
some other chores.
There always is.
Well, so long as it's within the
law, you name it and I've done it.
You're hired. My
name's Joe Cartwright.
- My name's Rhodes.
- Not Dusty?
I knew it.
Tell a man your name's Rhodes,
the next thing he says is Dusty.
- Been happenin' all my life.
- Don't get mad. What's your real name?
- Dusty.
- Dusty, where you from?
Can point in any
direction and I been there.
Most times I
didn't like it much.
- You got a horse?
- Yeah.
Why don't you get him saddled
up? I'll be back in a few minutes.
Welcome to Nevada.
Is that where I am?
Hoss. Hey, Hoss.
- Did you talk to McAdams?
- He's talkin' about 40 dollars a head.
But he says he's gotta
take a look at 'em first.
If we can get these two stables
biddin' against each other...
- Price has gotta go right up.
- Has to.
Hey, I hired a fella to
help us bring the horses in.
You did? How come we
don't use some of Pa's hands?
Well, wait a minute. These
are our horses and our deal.
- We gotta pay our own way on it.
- Yeah, I reckon you're right.
Hey, Pa, how are you doin'?
Howdy.
Well, you two look like
you've got some good news.
We sure have. Yes, sir.
We were offered 40 dollars
a head for those ponies.
- And that was just the first offer.
- Mm-hm.
We'll be able to pay you back all
the money we owe you for winter feed.
Oh, well, you don't
have to worry about that.
That was a loan.
We're gonna pay it back.
- There's no rush.
- No, it's perfectly all right.
We said we'd pay you
the end of this week,
we're gonna pay you
the end of this week.
Hmm.
40 dollars a head, huh?
That's not bad horse trading.
Yeah, I think so.
How come you're not smilin'?
Well, I'll smile when
the money's in the bank.
Ah. Don't count your
chickens before they hatch.
- Look before you leap.
- Mmm.
- But he who hesitates is lost.
- Yeah.
Hey, ain't that food I smell?
Yeah, supper's
about to be served.
Well, how come we ain't eatin'?
Joseph, in this case, he
who hesitates is truly lost.
I got a feeling you're right.
You know, Virgil, you
got a pretty good idea.
- You ain't as dumb as you look.
- Do you mean it, Papa?
Sure I mean it. Just one thing.
- Where you gonna get the money?
- Well, that's why we come to you.
- For what?
- For the money.
My money? No, sir.
You ain't gonna get me
to put up any of my money
into any of your
hairbrained schemes.
No, sir, you ain't.
I should say...
You just said it
was a good idea.
Well, it is, considering the source.
It's his idea, let him put up the money.
But I don't have any.
Well, then, you better get some
ideas that don't cost anything.
- You won't give him the money?
- No, ma'am, I won't.
- Then I will.
- You ain't got no money.
- I don't?
- Well, do you?
Don't I?
I reckon you do, Meena.
All right, Virgil, you
and me is in business.
And from now on I want
you to remember one thing.
It's my money, and I got
the final say on everything.
- Yes, sir.
- Go get your suit on, Virg.
We're going to the bank.
Oh, Meena, do I
gotta wear that suit?
Have to. And yes, you do.
Come on, Virgil.
It's itchy.
Why does he have to
have a office and a desk?
How come he can't go out and
punch cows like anybody else?
Because I want him to have
an office and a desk, Papa.
It's got more... class.
Well, I wish you wouldn't
have said that word
like you thought I
wouldn't understand.
Meena, I know a few
things about class.
One, you can't
buy it with money.
And two...
it won't rub off on you.
- Hey, Mr. Firman.
- Howdy.
- Jesse, what are you doin'?
- What does it look like I'm doin'?
I'm making a price list here.
Yeah, well, what are you scratching
on Mr. Firman's price list for?
Well, for your information,
this ain't Mr. Firman's price list.
This here's my price list.
What do you mean,
it's your price list?
Well, it ain't
really my price list.
See here, it's C&P Development
Company owns it. I just run it for 'em.
- Joseph, you know this fella?
- Yeah, he's a crook.
I heard that. That ain't
a very nice way to talk.
No, but it's very correct.
Where's Mr. Firman?
What difference does that make?
- We wanna sell him some horses.
- Mm-hm. What you askin'?
- What are you offerin'?
- Where are the horses?
- I got six of 'em out front.
- Let's take a look at 'em.
Now, uh... uh...
15 dollars apiece.
We're askin' 70.
70.
- 16.
- 65.
- 17.
- 60.
- 17.50.
- 55.
- 18.
- 45.
- 19.
- 40.
- 20.
- 50.
- 20.
- 55.
- 20.
- 60.
- Now, wait a minute. You're goin' up.
- That's 'cause you're not.
- You done this before, haven't you?
- Just a little bit, yes.
You figure you got my
back up against the wall.
I tell you what, I'll give you 25
dollars apiece for them horses.
- 40.40.
- Well, you take it or leave it.
We'll leave it. Let's go
over and talk to McAdams.
All right. Well, you make sure
you take the horses with you, now.
Bunch of wild horses
runnin' around, it's sloppy.
Mr. McAdams we got those six
horses out there I was tellin' you about.
What horses?
- Owen, what are you doin' here?
- I'm the manager.
You know him too?
Yeah, he's the brother
of the other crook.
C&P Livery Stable, Number 2.
All right, Owen, we got
some horses we wanna sell.
They saddle broke?
- No.
- Broke to harness?
No.
Not interested.
Thank you.
Wait, wait. Owen, can we
leave the horses here a while?
25 cents a day. Five
cents a day for feed.
Yeah, well, we'll
take 'em with us.
Hey, where is this C&P
Development Company?
Right across the
street from the bank.
Thank you.
Y'all come back
and see us, y'hear?
Yah. Yah.
Hi, Joe. What you say, Hoss?
Howdy.
- Who owns this place?
- I do.
- Then you're the man in charge, huh?
- That's right.
Then you're the misguided man
who's bought up all the
livery stables in Virginia City
so you could cheat the people.
Did you wanna say
something, Virg?
I'd better get
back to my office.
Now, you listen to me...
Now, all I'm tryin' to do is what
any other businessman would do:
buy low and sell high.
Yeah, well, there's such
a thing as buyin' too low.
All I wanna do is
make a little profit.
There's a difference between making
a profit and making an honest profit.
- What's that?
- What's what?
What's the difference?
Well, the... the difference
is a matter of honor,
of being fair and
reasonable with people.
Oh, you're the one to decide
what's fair and reasonable round here.
- I didn't say that.
- I just heard you with my own ears!
You said it was all right for
a fella to make a little money,
but if he made a lot of money
it was dishonorable and unfair.
- Did I say that?
- You sure did. I just heard you.
Well... well, I'm right.
Look, I'm right about this.
Now, I don't know why you
make me sound like I'm wrong.
You're just too
sure of yourself.
Come on.
Hello, Joe, Hoss.
Hey.
Virgil.
That sure is a
purty dress, Meena.
It's a pretty dress, Virg.
- That's what I said.
- No, you said it was a purty dress.
That's... what I said.
Well, it isn't a purty
dress. It's a pretty dress.
What you been
doin'? Shopping agin?
Again.
That's what I thought.
- You do a lot of that, don't you?
- A lot of what?
- Shoppin'.
- I haven't been shopping.
Meena, you just go on talkin'.
I'll sit here and jus' listen.
Just listen.
- Yes, ma'am.
- What's wrong, Virgil?
Don't you feel well?
I felt fine up till
a minute ago.
Oh.
Well, I just wanted to talk
to you about the wedding.
- What about it?
- I got a letter from Philadelphia.
My Aunt Mary is sick and won't
be able to travel for a few weeks.
So we'll have to set
the wedding back a little.
But don't tell Papa. We don't
want him to worry about her.
I won't say a word.
Is that all right
with you, Virg?
It's not my place to tell him.
I mean about the wedding.
Oh, that's all
right. That's fine.
You know, Virg,
sometime I get the feeling
you don't really
want to get married.
Sure I do.
But it's kind of like stickin'
your foot into a bear trap.
A man has to get up his nerve
to do a thing like that on purpose.
Yes.
Well, see you at supper.
Meena, you're about the
purtiest bear trap I ever seen.
The prettiest bear trap, Virg.
- That's what I said.
- That is not what you said.
Well, then, what did I say?
I said 15 dollars
apiece for them horses.
- Will you cut that out?
- Turn loose my stamps.
- You offered me 25 dollars before.
- You turned it down.
- All right, well, I'm accepting it now.
- I ain't offerin' it now. 15 dollars.
- 25.
- Split the difference?
Sold.
20 dollars apiece for them nags.
You're some kind of horse trader.
A man don't stand a
chance with the likes of you.
Joe, you're right,
he is a croo...
How much is six times twenty?
Owen. Owen, let me
tell you what I done.
Shh.
I think he's havin'
another idea.
- But, Owen, listen...
- Shh.
You remember them cow
ponies the Cartwrights had?
Shh!
You stop shushin' me.
Ouch. How come
you're doing that?
- 'Cause you done it to me.
- I'm the head of this family.
- Anybody does any of that, I'll do it.
- Oh, you'll do it?
Jesse?
Jesse, do you
understand me when I talk?
Well, I understand
the words all right.
And I understand you
just fine when you talk.
Well, that's 'cause I'm
a plain-spoken man.
But when I talk to Meena...
well, I know we're talkin'
the same language,
but we don't mean
the same thing.
Well, that's... that's
because she's a woman.
I've told you how
to talk to women.
- You gotta tell 'em how purty they are.
- Yeah.
- That's what I done.
- Well?
And she said I was
right, but I was wrong.
Oh, that's... that's normal.
Maybe she's only half
convinced that she's purty.
Yeah, he could be right.
She might just be not
thinking she's too purty.
Jesse. Jesse, do
I gotta marry her?
Well, if you don't, somebody's
gonna be awful broken up about it.
- Meena?
- You.
I think I'd better go
back to my office.
- Owen?
- Huh?
How come your prices
are lower than mine?
I figured I'd do more
business that way.
Change 'em, stump head.
We just plain got
slickered, that's all.
Yeah, he saw us comin'
all the way down the pike.
Ain't you gonna
say "I told you so"?
- No.
- It wasn't just us. It was everybody.
They doubled the
prices on everything.
No need for it either.
Firman and McAdams always made
a good living out of those stables.
Oh, it's just plain
greed, that's all.
Well, I don't know what to say.
Of course, you could take the horses
over to Sacramento or Reno to sell 'em.
That's a long, hot
drive this time of year.
Yeah, I know that.
Well, I gotta get back to the
ranch. I got a lot of things to do.
- I'll see you back there later.
- Yeah.
Take it easy, Pa.
Ah, dad burn it.
Hey.
You know, Pa said
something about...
about McAdams and Firman
making money with their stables.
Yeah. And at the old prices too.
Now, just what would happen if
somebody opened up a new stable?
Yeah. At those same old prices.
- He'd clean up, cut everybody up.
- Yeah.
No, that ain't gonna work. What do
we know about runnin' a livery stable?
Well, nothing now, but we
could learn, couldn't we?
I ran a livery stable once
for a man down in Houston,
big fella named O'Brien,
and we made lots of money.
But if you're gonna have a livery
stable, you gotta have a barn.
Yeah.
Hey, what about that old Conroy
barn up the other end of town?
- Hey, you know, that's big enough.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Reckon who owns that now?
- Somebody at the bank could tell you.
- Well, how do you know that?
I worked in a bank
once in Texarkana.
Second day I was there, John Wesley
Hardin walked in with a gun in each hand
and made a sizeable withdrawal.
So I moved on to Little Rock.
Dusty, thank you. Why don't you go
have a beer? We're goin' to the bank.
See you later.
Of course,
I know it's none of my
business, Mr. Calhoun...
Call me Luke.
Luke.
I was just wondering
if... if you knew
how they were running
those stables of yours,
and if you approved.
Well, all I know is
we're makin' money.
Yeah, I realize that, but you're
sure not making any friends.
I ain't in business
to make friends.
I see.
Well, of course, that...
that answers my question.
Sorry to have troubled
you, Mr. Calhoun.
Call me Luke.
Good day, Mr. Calhoun.
The bank doesn't own
the barn and corrals,
but we are acting as agents for
the owner, if you care to rent them.
- Well, just how much would the rent be?
- Hundred dollars a month.
A hundred dollars a month?
Or if you'd care to
sign a one year's lease
and pay the first three months
in advance, 50 dollars a month.
50, huh? Well, that's more
like it. What do you think?
- Yeah, I think we ought to go for that.
- John, draw up the papers.
- We'll be back in an hour.
- Right.
Howdy, Meena.
Hello, Papa.
You look sad.
- Is there something wrong?
- No, Papa.
I was just thinking about Virg.
Well, you got a good
reason for lookin' sad.
Well, I mean, he's
a good boy, Papa.
He's gentle and
innocent and a little dumb.
Is that the kind of
man you wanna marry?
That's what I was
thinking about.
Well, Meena, if he ain't exactly
the kind of boy you wanna marry,
you shouldn't ought
not to marry him.
Well, he's not exactly
what I want, Papa,
but there's a lot of raw
material to work with.
That boy's all raw
material. He's virgin country.
But don't you get the idea
you're gonna change him.
For all of Virgil's bein' dumb,
he's got a lot of backbone.
- Virg?
- Whether you see it or not, it's there.
If it wasn't, them brothers would
have twisted him all out of shape
- a long time ago.
- I hadn't thought of that.
They started on him young, Meena, and
they've been workin' on him a long time,
and he's still gentle,
innocent and a little dumb.
Well, won't he change
after we're married?
Yeah, he won't be
innocent anymore.
Oh.
Hey.
- Howdy.
- How'd you make out?
Pretty good. I talked to
Mr. Lanier down at the saddle shop.
And he said we could use some
of his old saddles and bridles
and we could pay him
back when we could.
And he ain't altogether in love with
that C&P Development Company neither.
Good deal. I talked to
Mr. Atkins at the feed store.
He said he'd give
us credit for a month.
Hey, that's great.
Fellas, I think we're in
the livery stable business.
- And that means we're gonna clean up.
- You bet.
Hey, Dusty, throw
me the hammer there.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Get it up as high as you can.
We gotta have
everybody see this baby.
Yeah.
- That's not bad, is it?
- What? Your sign? Yeah, it's all right.
I used to paint signs for a
medicine show I was travelin' with.
- It went broke in Tonopah.
- Well, no reflection on your signs.
No. If it hadn't been for my signs,
we'd have gone broke in Daggett.
There.
- We're open for business.
- What do we do now?
We just sit back and wait
for the crowds to roll in.
Be careful where you stand, Joe. You
don't wanna get trampled by the crowd.
Yeah.
Hey. Is he coming this way?
Hi there. Nice day, isn't it?
Yep.
Can... Can I help
you with something?
Nope.
Wonder where the crowds are.
- He just left.
- I just don't understand it.
Those are the
lowest prices in town.
Are you sure people
know about this place?
Oh, yeah, they know all right.
We put out handbills and a price
list in the saloon and the barbershop,
the courthouse,
even at the jailhouse.
They know, all right.
Well, there's gotta
be some reason.
Hey, you know, I just might
know what that reason is.
Hey, Dusty, you stay here.
Someone's got to look after the store.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Hey, look at that.
Their prices are lower than
ours all the way down the line.
Yeah, but they'll lose money.
Yeah, till they drive us out of
business and then they'll raise 'em again.
Well, they just won't
drive us out of business.
- We'll lower our prices.
- Yeah, and then we lose money.
- Let's get out of the business.
- Right. The sooner the better.
Let's go see if we
can get our rent back.
I agree with you, Joe,
a man shouldn't have to pay
for something he doesn't need.
Well, John, I'm
glad you understand.
And if it were up to me, I'd tear up the
lease and give you your money back.
We... We appreciate
that, John. We sure do.
But it's not up to me.
It's up to the owner.
I've already turned over the
papers and the money to him.
Well, who would that be?
C&P Development Company.
Right across the
street. Mr. Calhoun.
If you like, I'll walk
over and introduce you.
No. No need, John.
Mr. Calhoun and
I are old friends.
All right, Virgil. Come on,
open up. I know you're in there.
Let's go. Open it.
Come on, Virg. Open it up or I'm
gonna kick the door in. Now, let's go.
Come on!
Y'all lookin' for somethin'?
Yeah, satisfaction.
Well, you ain't
gonna find it here.
Now, look, Luke, we want
the money and the lease back.
I can't do it, Joe.
Ain't good business.
What do you mean, business?
That wasn't business. That was a trick.
- Chicanery.
- Chicken canary?
Chicanery. Deception.
It was business.
Well, just what do
you think business is?
Business?
Well, business is when a man with
money meets a man with experience.
The man with the
experience gets the money
and the man with the
money gets the experience.
I'll expect that rent
the first of every month.
Hello, Joe, Hoss.
And you took the money?
Well, we rented
them the barn, Meena.
Knowing that if you cut your prices,
you'd run them out of business?
Nobody forced 'em to rent that
barn, Meena. It was their idea.
- But they didn't know you owned it.
- That's right.
If everybody knew the
truth about everything,
there wouldn't be no business.
Papa, I'm ashamed that you'd
even have an idea like that.
Well, it wasn't my
idea. It was... Virg's.
Virg? My Virg?
That Virg?
That's him.
You can come out
now, Virg. They're gone.
Howdy, Meena.
You sure look purty.
Don't try to change the subject.
- Was that your idea?
- What idea?
To rent the Cartwrights that barn
and then run 'em out of business?
I didn't know it was
gonna be the Cartwrights.
But it was your idea?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, you're gonna tear up that
lease and give them their money back.
- Do you understand?
- No.
- Then I'll explain it to you.
- No need to. I understand.
- But I'm not gonna give the money back.
- You're not?
- No.
- Now, Virg...
- No.
- You don't understand.
No, Miss Meena, it's
you that don't understand.
See on that door there?
That says Virgil Potter.
That's me. That's my office.
Now, you show me on that door
where it says Meena Calhoun
and I'll give 'em
their money back.
It was my money
that paid for that office.
And you ain't never gonna
let me forget it, are you?
Virg... I'm sorry I said that.
Joe, Hoss, I sure am
sorry I got you into this.
Dusty, forget it, will
you? It's not your fault.
If I'd just kept my big mouth shut,
maybe you wouldn't be in this fix.
Well, Dusty, it wasn't
you. It was all three of us.
No, Hoss, seems like it's
been happenin' my whole life.
Goin' around gettin' people
all caught up in my big ideas.
Then runnin' off and leaving
'em to make it come out right.
Forget about it, will you?
Well, this time I'm stickin' it
out till the end, win or lose.
Well, I think I can save
you some time, Dusty.
I got a notion I can tell you
how this is gonna turn out.
- Well, Pa...
- I've already heard.
- It just ain't fair.
- It's fair.
Unless you know of a set
of rules that says it's not.
Somehow it just
don't seem right.
I didn't say it was
right. Said it was fair.
Well, what now?
Well, we'll give everything
back and close the doors.
- You mean you're quitting?
- Yeah, I suppose that's what I mean.
Well, I guess it's a smart
man knows when he's beaten.
Well, we ain't
necessarily beaten.
What would you call it?
Well, they... they just
won this round, that's all.
Hoss, when you close
those doors, the fight's over.
Well, now, what d'you expect
us to do? Lower the prices again?
- Then they lower their prices.
- Then we lower our prices.
Before you know it, we're
giving everything away free,
have the world's
first free livery stable.
We'd have all the
business in town anyway.
That's it. That's it.
A free livery stable.
- We'd have all the business in town.
- Sure.
That's the answer,
Joe. We give it away.
Free?
Absolutely, completely,
one hundred percent free.
Why, we'll clean up.
Dusty, you lay off the locoweed.
- You don't understand.
- You're right, I don't.
- It's a ding joint.
- Dingbat.
He's on more than locoweed.
- Will you just listen to me?
- Go ahead.
When I was with the medicine
show, they had a ding joint.
That's a free show,
absolutely free.
We'd set up a tent and hang things
along the side, pictures out of books
and bugs we picked up and
mounted under glass, anything.
Then after they'd
walked through the tent,
at the exit there
was a big glass bowl
for contributions, or donations,
whatever you wanna call it.
And they put money in there?
Wasn't usually no more than a
nickel or a dime, but something.
And that coin would hit that
glass bowl with a loud "Ding!"
That's why they
called it a ding joint.
Dusty, that is the most
stupid, ridiculous, idiotic idea
I have ever heard
in my entire life.
Well, you two
have a nice picnic.
Say... Say, you...
I hope you had a nice ride.
- What do I owe you?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
Uh, what if I don't
wanna make a donation?
If you don't want
to, you don't have to.
- Thanks.
- No, thank you.
- What for?
- Well, for your business.
I don't take
somethin' for nothin'.
Free. That's what
that says: free.
Can't get much
cheaper than that.
Well, looks like we're
out of work again.
- Jesse, I got a "what if" for ya.
- You got a "what if" for me.
- Yeah.
- Well, what if?
What if Luke decides to run us
off now that we're out of work?
Read this.
Huh? Huh?
Yeah, yeah.
- I thought you said you could read.
- Well, I can.
You can't read. What's
that word right there?
- "There."
- Right. What's that word right there?
- "In."
- That's "is."
And it says right between
that "there" and "is"
that there's been a
gold strike in Montana.
- You know what that means, don't you?
- Yeah. They found gold in Montana.
And if... if they found
gold, anybody can find gold.
And we're just anybody.
Oh, Jesse, turn me loose in
Montana. I can find gold in the ground.
I can track bluebirds
across the empty skies.
- Hi, Owen.
- How you doin', Virg?
- Jesse.
- Hi, Virg.
Them doin' so well
sure is bad for business.
- Oh, bad, bad.
- Yeah.
Guess me and Owen bein' out of
work, old Luke, he's gonna run us off.
No. No. No, no. No,
he won't. I won't let him.
How you gonna stop him?
I'll just tell him,
if you go, I go.
- Well, you don't have to do that, Virg.
- I know, but that's what I'm gonna do.
- That's a sweet boy, Jesse.
- Well, I think he means that.
- You mean that, don't you?
- Sure do.
You ain't gonna leave
me alone with that woman.
Did you ever learn how to read?
Miss Clacklee taught me.
- Miss Clacklee?
- Cacklee.
- Cacklee?
- Yeah. I used to work with her.
- You worked with her?
- I didn't graduate, though.
You read it to him.
There has been gold
discovered in Montana.
I'd better read it.
There's been a gold
strike in Montana.
- Right.
- See how I read?
If you'd have graduated,
you could have read like that.
Hurry up, Papa. Every minute
you wait costs you money.
- Morning, Miss Meena.
- Hello.
Virg is out there. How
come he can't do it?
Because you're going to.
How come I always get
stuck doin' all the talkin'?
- That's what you do best.
- It is?
- In a manner of speaking.
- Howdy, Miss Meena.
That's the third time today
that fella's said hello to you.
- It's the fifth time, Papa.
- What d'you figure he's up to?
Number six.
Just a minute, Papa.
You come too.
It's hard to believe it
really worked, ain't it?
Well, that Dusty
knows his ding joints.
We won't get rich, but we'll
have enough money to pay Pa
and maybe a little left over.
Come on.
Hi, Joe. What do you say, Hoss?
- Howdy.
- Hi, Luke. What can we do for you?
Oh, nothin'. We just dropped
by to see how y'all was doin'.
- We're doin' just fine.
- Good.
Papa.
All right, you win.
Well, if we win, you lose.
- That's right.
- And just what is it that you lose?
Go ahead, Papa.
Here's your lease and
the rent money back.
No deal.
Jesse sold them cow
ponies for 60 dollars apiece.
Here's the money to make
up the difference to you.
No deal.
Well, just what do you want?
I want you out of the
livery stable business.
All right.
Firman and McAdams want
to buy back their stables,
so I'll have the papers
drawn up in the mornin'.
Now you got a deal.
Not yet.
I owe you a apology,
and I'm offerin' it to you.
Accepted.
Accepted, Luke.
Well, now that we're getting everything
in order, there's one more thing.
Virg.
Virg, there's something
I have to tell you.
There aren't any relatives
coming from the east.
I don't have an Aunt Mary.
Well, there's just Papa and me.
I only told you that so I
could put off the wedding.
Until I was sure.
Well, now I'm sure,
and, well, I think...
Well, I don't think...
Virg, would you
please say something?
Did you know they'd
found gold in Montana?
They what?
It says so right here.
Virg, I just love you!
Well, in a very special way.
You know, if things had
been a little different...
You're a very sweet boy, Virg.
And you're about the...
prettiest thing I ever seen.
And you've got a
natural head for business.
Well, it was your money
started it in the first place.
Oh, Virg.
I'm gonna miss you.
Probably, but not very much.
Virg.
Virg.
Just enough.
Virg.
Bye.
What you doin'?
Well, what's it look like I'm
doin'? I'm lookin' at a map.
- Gonna find Montana.
- Well, you don't need no map.
I know where Montana
is. I spent too long a time...
- You know where Montana is?
- That's right.
You don't know where Montana is.
You don't even know where Reno is.
I know where Reno
is. Reno's dead ahead.
It's that way to the ocean.
Well, ain't Reno got a ocean?
Ain't Reno got an ocean? That's
the dumbest thing I've heard.
You just... Now, you watch it.
You couldn't track the trees.
- Where's he goin'?
- To Montana, Papa.
- What for?
- To find the end of the rainbow.
Time the word gets out,
all the good claims are gone,
and the bad ones are staked
out for ten miles in every direction.
Them boys are gonna find
nothin' but lumps and bruises.
- How can you be so sure of that?
- I ought to be.
I been there often enough.
They're gonna have
a long ride for nothin'.
Yeah, well, here's one time all that
experience of yours is gonna pay off.
No, Joe, it doesn't.
I know it's a waste and I can
convince everybody but myself.
So I gotta hurry. Those three
boys'll beat me to Montana.
- Best of luck.
- Yeah, you're gonna need it, Dusty.
Joe, why don't you and Hoss
come for Sunday supper?
- Sunday supper?
- Well, ma'am, I would love...
No, no, we can't come
to Sunday supper.
We got a whole lot
of horses to round up.
- We ain't got no horses.
- We got a lot of horses to round up.
We ain't got... Ma'am,
I'll be there with bells on.
We're running a ding joint here.
If you were to come early Sunday
afternoon, I could pack a picnic lunch.
Why, ma'am, that'd be...
That isn't a very good day, you
know. You know, we're open...
Welcome to the family.
to you in living color on NBC.
Joe! Joe Cartwright!
Hey.
Hey, Meena, Luke. How you been?
- What are you doin' in town?
- Well, we live here now.
Papa sold the mine and we
bought a house here in town.
- The old Creston place.
- Hey, that's a mansion.
At least we got room
enough for all the furniture.
Hey, I'd like you to
meet my brother Hoss.
This is Meena and her
father, Luke Calhoun.
- Howdy, ma'am. Happy to meet you.
- Howdy.
- How's your husband?
- Uh...
Your husband, Virg?
Oh, Virg.
Oh, yes.
Well, um, we're not married yet.
You know, the
arrangements and things.
Uh, he and his brothers
are all back at the house.
With their feet propped
up on somethin'.
Uh, what are you
doing in town, Joe?
We just had a little
work to take care of.
If you're supposed to be workin', what
are you doin' standin' around here talkin'?
You haven't changed
a bit, have you?
Papa, maybe they're
tryin' to be polite.
No, we really do have work to do.
It's good to see you again, Meena.
- Happy to have met you folks.
- Always a pleasure to see you, Luke.
You still like him, don't ya?
I'm going to marry
Virg, remember?
I remember. You're
the one that's forgot.
- Mornin', Miss Meena.
- Mornin'.
Well, I'm not gonna marry a man
who sits around the house all day.
I want a man who gets up
every morning and goes to work.
Well, that sure
don't sound like Virg.
Well, it could be, if it weren't for
those two no-count brothers of his.
- Now, they're a bad influence, Papa.
- Well, I'll run 'em off.
No. I just want you to make
it clear. No job, no wedding.
- If they don't still go to work?
- Then you can run 'em off.
- All three of 'em?
- All three of 'em.
Hey!
- You boys had a nice rest, ain't you?
- Yes, sir.
Well, then, when you
figurin' on goin' to work?
Well, we're waitin' for the right
job to come along, Mr. Calhoun.
Well, if it come along, it
couldn't see you in here.
Why don't you wait
out on the front porch
where it can see
you from a distance?
Oh, you don't need to worry,
Mr. Calhoun. It'll find us. Always does.
Well, if the right job ain't found you
by tomorrow, you better go look for it.
- D'you hear me?
- We been lookin' for work.
Well, you better find a job by
tomorrow, or out you go. You understand?
You gonna run my
brothers off, Mr. Calhoun?
No. I'm gonna run
all three of you off.
But I'm gonna
marry your daughter.
Not unless you go
to work, you ain't.
- Who says?
- She does.
- She does?
- She does.
No job, no weddin'.
And you can chew on
that until dinner time.
Well, he done it.
He done it. I ain't gonna be
able to sleep again till tonight.
Well, you heard him.
No job, no weddin'.
- I heard him.
- What do you think we ought to do?
I think we better get packed.
Get packed? Get packed?
You get back over there.
We'll face this crisis together.
You're gonna stay here and
live up to your responsibilities.
- You gotta face your obligations.
- And get a job.
It's your duty. You owe it.
- To Meena?
- Meena?
Not to Meena. To
us, your brothers.
Virg, Virg. Now, you
just sit down there, Virg.
Listen to me, Virg, boy.
We ain't never had two nickels
to rub together in our whole lives.
Now we're just sittin' under a
money tree waitin' for the fruit to fall.
And all we're askin' you to
do is just shake that tree a little.
Oh, I thought you were
askin' me to go to work.
Well, it's not
just for us, Virg.
You gotta think about
yourself and Meena.
I mean, the way she needs
you, loves you, depends on you.
- Right.
- Yeah.
But she's the one who said it.
- No job, no weddin'.
- Oh, well...
That's 'cause she loves you.
That's an awful funny thing
to say to someone you love.
No. That's nothin' compared to what
some people say to people they love.
Like what?
You'll find that out
after you're married.
Right now we
gotta get you a job.
Jesse, can I have my
own office, and a desk?
That sounds fair.
I don't see why not.
Then I'll be the boss, and
you two can work for me.
That way we all three got jobs.
Well, we don't need
to go that far, do we?
Doin' what?
Jesse.
Jesse, I'm about
to have an idea.
Heaven help us.
- Mornin'.
- Mornin'.
- Is Mr. Firman around?
- No.
- Are you in charge?
- That's what Firman said when he left.
I see you're sellin' cow
ponies for 45 dollars.
Not much horse. Good
ones cost you more.
I was kind of hopin'
you'd say that.
Me and my brother got
36 ponies we'd like to sell.
Cross between California and
Texas stock. They're prime animals.
- We're not interested.
- You do buy and sell horses, don't you?
- Not me. Firman.
- You just told me you were in charge.
Well, I am, in charge of seein'
that nobody walks off with the place
till Firman gets back.
Joe Cartwright.
- Hey, Mr. Firman.
- What can I do for you?
They're all fine, sound
stock, in prime condition.
Funny your pa never
mentioned 'em to me.
They don't belong to my pa. They
belong to me and my brother Hoss.
You boys goin' into
business for yourselves?
Yeah, in a small way.
I'd have to see 'em
to give you a firm offer,
but if they're what
you say they are,
they should be worth
about 40 dollars a head.
I think they may be worth
a little more than that.
I'll bring some into
town, let you take a look.
- You do that.
- Who's your new hired hand?
He isn't. Drifter. Slept
in the loft last night.
Been keepin' an eye on the
place this mornin' to pay for it.
Hmm. Well, I'll see
you later. Take care.
Hey, friend, I understand
you're drifting. You want a job?
Depends.
We need some help bringin'
some horses into town.
- I'll try it for a day or two.
- Fine. You good with horses?
Yep. They're bigger than
me, but I'm smarter than them.
Well, there might be
some other chores.
There always is.
Well, so long as it's within the
law, you name it and I've done it.
You're hired. My
name's Joe Cartwright.
- My name's Rhodes.
- Not Dusty?
I knew it.
Tell a man your name's Rhodes,
the next thing he says is Dusty.
- Been happenin' all my life.
- Don't get mad. What's your real name?
- Dusty.
- Dusty, where you from?
Can point in any
direction and I been there.
Most times I
didn't like it much.
- You got a horse?
- Yeah.
Why don't you get him saddled
up? I'll be back in a few minutes.
Welcome to Nevada.
Is that where I am?
Hoss. Hey, Hoss.
- Did you talk to McAdams?
- He's talkin' about 40 dollars a head.
But he says he's gotta
take a look at 'em first.
If we can get these two stables
biddin' against each other...
- Price has gotta go right up.
- Has to.
Hey, I hired a fella to
help us bring the horses in.
You did? How come we
don't use some of Pa's hands?
Well, wait a minute. These
are our horses and our deal.
- We gotta pay our own way on it.
- Yeah, I reckon you're right.
Hey, Pa, how are you doin'?
Howdy.
Well, you two look like
you've got some good news.
We sure have. Yes, sir.
We were offered 40 dollars
a head for those ponies.
- And that was just the first offer.
- Mm-hm.
We'll be able to pay you back all
the money we owe you for winter feed.
Oh, well, you don't
have to worry about that.
That was a loan.
We're gonna pay it back.
- There's no rush.
- No, it's perfectly all right.
We said we'd pay you
the end of this week,
we're gonna pay you
the end of this week.
Hmm.
40 dollars a head, huh?
That's not bad horse trading.
Yeah, I think so.
How come you're not smilin'?
Well, I'll smile when
the money's in the bank.
Ah. Don't count your
chickens before they hatch.
- Look before you leap.
- Mmm.
- But he who hesitates is lost.
- Yeah.
Hey, ain't that food I smell?
Yeah, supper's
about to be served.
Well, how come we ain't eatin'?
Joseph, in this case, he
who hesitates is truly lost.
I got a feeling you're right.
You know, Virgil, you
got a pretty good idea.
- You ain't as dumb as you look.
- Do you mean it, Papa?
Sure I mean it. Just one thing.
- Where you gonna get the money?
- Well, that's why we come to you.
- For what?
- For the money.
My money? No, sir.
You ain't gonna get me
to put up any of my money
into any of your
hairbrained schemes.
No, sir, you ain't.
I should say...
You just said it
was a good idea.
Well, it is, considering the source.
It's his idea, let him put up the money.
But I don't have any.
Well, then, you better get some
ideas that don't cost anything.
- You won't give him the money?
- No, ma'am, I won't.
- Then I will.
- You ain't got no money.
- I don't?
- Well, do you?
Don't I?
I reckon you do, Meena.
All right, Virgil, you
and me is in business.
And from now on I want
you to remember one thing.
It's my money, and I got
the final say on everything.
- Yes, sir.
- Go get your suit on, Virg.
We're going to the bank.
Oh, Meena, do I
gotta wear that suit?
Have to. And yes, you do.
Come on, Virgil.
It's itchy.
Why does he have to
have a office and a desk?
How come he can't go out and
punch cows like anybody else?
Because I want him to have
an office and a desk, Papa.
It's got more... class.
Well, I wish you wouldn't
have said that word
like you thought I
wouldn't understand.
Meena, I know a few
things about class.
One, you can't
buy it with money.
And two...
it won't rub off on you.
- Hey, Mr. Firman.
- Howdy.
- Jesse, what are you doin'?
- What does it look like I'm doin'?
I'm making a price list here.
Yeah, well, what are you scratching
on Mr. Firman's price list for?
Well, for your information,
this ain't Mr. Firman's price list.
This here's my price list.
What do you mean,
it's your price list?
Well, it ain't
really my price list.
See here, it's C&P Development
Company owns it. I just run it for 'em.
- Joseph, you know this fella?
- Yeah, he's a crook.
I heard that. That ain't
a very nice way to talk.
No, but it's very correct.
Where's Mr. Firman?
What difference does that make?
- We wanna sell him some horses.
- Mm-hm. What you askin'?
- What are you offerin'?
- Where are the horses?
- I got six of 'em out front.
- Let's take a look at 'em.
Now, uh... uh...
15 dollars apiece.
We're askin' 70.
70.
- 16.
- 65.
- 17.
- 60.
- 17.50.
- 55.
- 18.
- 45.
- 19.
- 40.
- 20.
- 50.
- 20.
- 55.
- 20.
- 60.
- Now, wait a minute. You're goin' up.
- That's 'cause you're not.
- You done this before, haven't you?
- Just a little bit, yes.
You figure you got my
back up against the wall.
I tell you what, I'll give you 25
dollars apiece for them horses.
- 40.40.
- Well, you take it or leave it.
We'll leave it. Let's go
over and talk to McAdams.
All right. Well, you make sure
you take the horses with you, now.
Bunch of wild horses
runnin' around, it's sloppy.
Mr. McAdams we got those six
horses out there I was tellin' you about.
What horses?
- Owen, what are you doin' here?
- I'm the manager.
You know him too?
Yeah, he's the brother
of the other crook.
C&P Livery Stable, Number 2.
All right, Owen, we got
some horses we wanna sell.
They saddle broke?
- No.
- Broke to harness?
No.
Not interested.
Thank you.
Wait, wait. Owen, can we
leave the horses here a while?
25 cents a day. Five
cents a day for feed.
Yeah, well, we'll
take 'em with us.
Hey, where is this C&P
Development Company?
Right across the
street from the bank.
Thank you.
Y'all come back
and see us, y'hear?
Yah. Yah.
Hi, Joe. What you say, Hoss?
Howdy.
- Who owns this place?
- I do.
- Then you're the man in charge, huh?
- That's right.
Then you're the misguided man
who's bought up all the
livery stables in Virginia City
so you could cheat the people.
Did you wanna say
something, Virg?
I'd better get
back to my office.
Now, you listen to me...
Now, all I'm tryin' to do is what
any other businessman would do:
buy low and sell high.
Yeah, well, there's such
a thing as buyin' too low.
All I wanna do is
make a little profit.
There's a difference between making
a profit and making an honest profit.
- What's that?
- What's what?
What's the difference?
Well, the... the difference
is a matter of honor,
of being fair and
reasonable with people.
Oh, you're the one to decide
what's fair and reasonable round here.
- I didn't say that.
- I just heard you with my own ears!
You said it was all right for
a fella to make a little money,
but if he made a lot of money
it was dishonorable and unfair.
- Did I say that?
- You sure did. I just heard you.
Well... well, I'm right.
Look, I'm right about this.
Now, I don't know why you
make me sound like I'm wrong.
You're just too
sure of yourself.
Come on.
Hello, Joe, Hoss.
Hey.
Virgil.
That sure is a
purty dress, Meena.
It's a pretty dress, Virg.
- That's what I said.
- No, you said it was a purty dress.
That's... what I said.
Well, it isn't a purty
dress. It's a pretty dress.
What you been
doin'? Shopping agin?
Again.
That's what I thought.
- You do a lot of that, don't you?
- A lot of what?
- Shoppin'.
- I haven't been shopping.
Meena, you just go on talkin'.
I'll sit here and jus' listen.
Just listen.
- Yes, ma'am.
- What's wrong, Virgil?
Don't you feel well?
I felt fine up till
a minute ago.
Oh.
Well, I just wanted to talk
to you about the wedding.
- What about it?
- I got a letter from Philadelphia.
My Aunt Mary is sick and won't
be able to travel for a few weeks.
So we'll have to set
the wedding back a little.
But don't tell Papa. We don't
want him to worry about her.
I won't say a word.
Is that all right
with you, Virg?
It's not my place to tell him.
I mean about the wedding.
Oh, that's all
right. That's fine.
You know, Virg,
sometime I get the feeling
you don't really
want to get married.
Sure I do.
But it's kind of like stickin'
your foot into a bear trap.
A man has to get up his nerve
to do a thing like that on purpose.
Yes.
Well, see you at supper.
Meena, you're about the
purtiest bear trap I ever seen.
The prettiest bear trap, Virg.
- That's what I said.
- That is not what you said.
Well, then, what did I say?
I said 15 dollars
apiece for them horses.
- Will you cut that out?
- Turn loose my stamps.
- You offered me 25 dollars before.
- You turned it down.
- All right, well, I'm accepting it now.
- I ain't offerin' it now. 15 dollars.
- 25.
- Split the difference?
Sold.
20 dollars apiece for them nags.
You're some kind of horse trader.
A man don't stand a
chance with the likes of you.
Joe, you're right,
he is a croo...
How much is six times twenty?
Owen. Owen, let me
tell you what I done.
Shh.
I think he's havin'
another idea.
- But, Owen, listen...
- Shh.
You remember them cow
ponies the Cartwrights had?
Shh!
You stop shushin' me.
Ouch. How come
you're doing that?
- 'Cause you done it to me.
- I'm the head of this family.
- Anybody does any of that, I'll do it.
- Oh, you'll do it?
Jesse?
Jesse, do you
understand me when I talk?
Well, I understand
the words all right.
And I understand you
just fine when you talk.
Well, that's 'cause I'm
a plain-spoken man.
But when I talk to Meena...
well, I know we're talkin'
the same language,
but we don't mean
the same thing.
Well, that's... that's
because she's a woman.
I've told you how
to talk to women.
- You gotta tell 'em how purty they are.
- Yeah.
- That's what I done.
- Well?
And she said I was
right, but I was wrong.
Oh, that's... that's normal.
Maybe she's only half
convinced that she's purty.
Yeah, he could be right.
She might just be not
thinking she's too purty.
Jesse. Jesse, do
I gotta marry her?
Well, if you don't, somebody's
gonna be awful broken up about it.
- Meena?
- You.
I think I'd better go
back to my office.
- Owen?
- Huh?
How come your prices
are lower than mine?
I figured I'd do more
business that way.
Change 'em, stump head.
We just plain got
slickered, that's all.
Yeah, he saw us comin'
all the way down the pike.
Ain't you gonna
say "I told you so"?
- No.
- It wasn't just us. It was everybody.
They doubled the
prices on everything.
No need for it either.
Firman and McAdams always made
a good living out of those stables.
Oh, it's just plain
greed, that's all.
Well, I don't know what to say.
Of course, you could take the horses
over to Sacramento or Reno to sell 'em.
That's a long, hot
drive this time of year.
Yeah, I know that.
Well, I gotta get back to the
ranch. I got a lot of things to do.
- I'll see you back there later.
- Yeah.
Take it easy, Pa.
Ah, dad burn it.
Hey.
You know, Pa said
something about...
about McAdams and Firman
making money with their stables.
Yeah. And at the old prices too.
Now, just what would happen if
somebody opened up a new stable?
Yeah. At those same old prices.
- He'd clean up, cut everybody up.
- Yeah.
No, that ain't gonna work. What do
we know about runnin' a livery stable?
Well, nothing now, but we
could learn, couldn't we?
I ran a livery stable once
for a man down in Houston,
big fella named O'Brien,
and we made lots of money.
But if you're gonna have a livery
stable, you gotta have a barn.
Yeah.
Hey, what about that old Conroy
barn up the other end of town?
- Hey, you know, that's big enough.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Reckon who owns that now?
- Somebody at the bank could tell you.
- Well, how do you know that?
I worked in a bank
once in Texarkana.
Second day I was there, John Wesley
Hardin walked in with a gun in each hand
and made a sizeable withdrawal.
So I moved on to Little Rock.
Dusty, thank you. Why don't you go
have a beer? We're goin' to the bank.
See you later.
Of course,
I know it's none of my
business, Mr. Calhoun...
Call me Luke.
Luke.
I was just wondering
if... if you knew
how they were running
those stables of yours,
and if you approved.
Well, all I know is
we're makin' money.
Yeah, I realize that, but you're
sure not making any friends.
I ain't in business
to make friends.
I see.
Well, of course, that...
that answers my question.
Sorry to have troubled
you, Mr. Calhoun.
Call me Luke.
Good day, Mr. Calhoun.
The bank doesn't own
the barn and corrals,
but we are acting as agents for
the owner, if you care to rent them.
- Well, just how much would the rent be?
- Hundred dollars a month.
A hundred dollars a month?
Or if you'd care to
sign a one year's lease
and pay the first three months
in advance, 50 dollars a month.
50, huh? Well, that's more
like it. What do you think?
- Yeah, I think we ought to go for that.
- John, draw up the papers.
- We'll be back in an hour.
- Right.
Howdy, Meena.
Hello, Papa.
You look sad.
- Is there something wrong?
- No, Papa.
I was just thinking about Virg.
Well, you got a good
reason for lookin' sad.
Well, I mean, he's
a good boy, Papa.
He's gentle and
innocent and a little dumb.
Is that the kind of
man you wanna marry?
That's what I was
thinking about.
Well, Meena, if he ain't exactly
the kind of boy you wanna marry,
you shouldn't ought
not to marry him.
Well, he's not exactly
what I want, Papa,
but there's a lot of raw
material to work with.
That boy's all raw
material. He's virgin country.
But don't you get the idea
you're gonna change him.
For all of Virgil's bein' dumb,
he's got a lot of backbone.
- Virg?
- Whether you see it or not, it's there.
If it wasn't, them brothers would
have twisted him all out of shape
- a long time ago.
- I hadn't thought of that.
They started on him young, Meena, and
they've been workin' on him a long time,
and he's still gentle,
innocent and a little dumb.
Well, won't he change
after we're married?
Yeah, he won't be
innocent anymore.
Oh.
Hey.
- Howdy.
- How'd you make out?
Pretty good. I talked to
Mr. Lanier down at the saddle shop.
And he said we could use some
of his old saddles and bridles
and we could pay him
back when we could.
And he ain't altogether in love with
that C&P Development Company neither.
Good deal. I talked to
Mr. Atkins at the feed store.
He said he'd give
us credit for a month.
Hey, that's great.
Fellas, I think we're in
the livery stable business.
- And that means we're gonna clean up.
- You bet.
Hey, Dusty, throw
me the hammer there.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Get it up as high as you can.
We gotta have
everybody see this baby.
Yeah.
- That's not bad, is it?
- What? Your sign? Yeah, it's all right.
I used to paint signs for a
medicine show I was travelin' with.
- It went broke in Tonopah.
- Well, no reflection on your signs.
No. If it hadn't been for my signs,
we'd have gone broke in Daggett.
There.
- We're open for business.
- What do we do now?
We just sit back and wait
for the crowds to roll in.
Be careful where you stand, Joe. You
don't wanna get trampled by the crowd.
Yeah.
Hey. Is he coming this way?
Hi there. Nice day, isn't it?
Yep.
Can... Can I help
you with something?
Nope.
Wonder where the crowds are.
- He just left.
- I just don't understand it.
Those are the
lowest prices in town.
Are you sure people
know about this place?
Oh, yeah, they know all right.
We put out handbills and a price
list in the saloon and the barbershop,
the courthouse,
even at the jailhouse.
They know, all right.
Well, there's gotta
be some reason.
Hey, you know, I just might
know what that reason is.
Hey, Dusty, you stay here.
Someone's got to look after the store.
I was afraid you'd say that.
Hey, look at that.
Their prices are lower than
ours all the way down the line.
Yeah, but they'll lose money.
Yeah, till they drive us out of
business and then they'll raise 'em again.
Well, they just won't
drive us out of business.
- We'll lower our prices.
- Yeah, and then we lose money.
- Let's get out of the business.
- Right. The sooner the better.
Let's go see if we
can get our rent back.
I agree with you, Joe,
a man shouldn't have to pay
for something he doesn't need.
Well, John, I'm
glad you understand.
And if it were up to me, I'd tear up the
lease and give you your money back.
We... We appreciate
that, John. We sure do.
But it's not up to me.
It's up to the owner.
I've already turned over the
papers and the money to him.
Well, who would that be?
C&P Development Company.
Right across the
street. Mr. Calhoun.
If you like, I'll walk
over and introduce you.
No. No need, John.
Mr. Calhoun and
I are old friends.
All right, Virgil. Come on,
open up. I know you're in there.
Let's go. Open it.
Come on, Virg. Open it up or I'm
gonna kick the door in. Now, let's go.
Come on!
Y'all lookin' for somethin'?
Yeah, satisfaction.
Well, you ain't
gonna find it here.
Now, look, Luke, we want
the money and the lease back.
I can't do it, Joe.
Ain't good business.
What do you mean, business?
That wasn't business. That was a trick.
- Chicanery.
- Chicken canary?
Chicanery. Deception.
It was business.
Well, just what do
you think business is?
Business?
Well, business is when a man with
money meets a man with experience.
The man with the
experience gets the money
and the man with the
money gets the experience.
I'll expect that rent
the first of every month.
Hello, Joe, Hoss.
And you took the money?
Well, we rented
them the barn, Meena.
Knowing that if you cut your prices,
you'd run them out of business?
Nobody forced 'em to rent that
barn, Meena. It was their idea.
- But they didn't know you owned it.
- That's right.
If everybody knew the
truth about everything,
there wouldn't be no business.
Papa, I'm ashamed that you'd
even have an idea like that.
Well, it wasn't my
idea. It was... Virg's.
Virg? My Virg?
That Virg?
That's him.
You can come out
now, Virg. They're gone.
Howdy, Meena.
You sure look purty.
Don't try to change the subject.
- Was that your idea?
- What idea?
To rent the Cartwrights that barn
and then run 'em out of business?
I didn't know it was
gonna be the Cartwrights.
But it was your idea?
Yes, ma'am.
Well, you're gonna tear up that
lease and give them their money back.
- Do you understand?
- No.
- Then I'll explain it to you.
- No need to. I understand.
- But I'm not gonna give the money back.
- You're not?
- No.
- Now, Virg...
- No.
- You don't understand.
No, Miss Meena, it's
you that don't understand.
See on that door there?
That says Virgil Potter.
That's me. That's my office.
Now, you show me on that door
where it says Meena Calhoun
and I'll give 'em
their money back.
It was my money
that paid for that office.
And you ain't never gonna
let me forget it, are you?
Virg... I'm sorry I said that.
Joe, Hoss, I sure am
sorry I got you into this.
Dusty, forget it, will
you? It's not your fault.
If I'd just kept my big mouth shut,
maybe you wouldn't be in this fix.
Well, Dusty, it wasn't
you. It was all three of us.
No, Hoss, seems like it's
been happenin' my whole life.
Goin' around gettin' people
all caught up in my big ideas.
Then runnin' off and leaving
'em to make it come out right.
Forget about it, will you?
Well, this time I'm stickin' it
out till the end, win or lose.
Well, I think I can save
you some time, Dusty.
I got a notion I can tell you
how this is gonna turn out.
- Well, Pa...
- I've already heard.
- It just ain't fair.
- It's fair.
Unless you know of a set
of rules that says it's not.
Somehow it just
don't seem right.
I didn't say it was
right. Said it was fair.
Well, what now?
Well, we'll give everything
back and close the doors.
- You mean you're quitting?
- Yeah, I suppose that's what I mean.
Well, I guess it's a smart
man knows when he's beaten.
Well, we ain't
necessarily beaten.
What would you call it?
Well, they... they just
won this round, that's all.
Hoss, when you close
those doors, the fight's over.
Well, now, what d'you expect
us to do? Lower the prices again?
- Then they lower their prices.
- Then we lower our prices.
Before you know it, we're
giving everything away free,
have the world's
first free livery stable.
We'd have all the
business in town anyway.
That's it. That's it.
A free livery stable.
- We'd have all the business in town.
- Sure.
That's the answer,
Joe. We give it away.
Free?
Absolutely, completely,
one hundred percent free.
Why, we'll clean up.
Dusty, you lay off the locoweed.
- You don't understand.
- You're right, I don't.
- It's a ding joint.
- Dingbat.
He's on more than locoweed.
- Will you just listen to me?
- Go ahead.
When I was with the medicine
show, they had a ding joint.
That's a free show,
absolutely free.
We'd set up a tent and hang things
along the side, pictures out of books
and bugs we picked up and
mounted under glass, anything.
Then after they'd
walked through the tent,
at the exit there
was a big glass bowl
for contributions, or donations,
whatever you wanna call it.
And they put money in there?
Wasn't usually no more than a
nickel or a dime, but something.
And that coin would hit that
glass bowl with a loud "Ding!"
That's why they
called it a ding joint.
Dusty, that is the most
stupid, ridiculous, idiotic idea
I have ever heard
in my entire life.
Well, you two
have a nice picnic.
Say... Say, you...
I hope you had a nice ride.
- What do I owe you?
- Nothing. Nothing at all.
Uh, what if I don't
wanna make a donation?
If you don't want
to, you don't have to.
- Thanks.
- No, thank you.
- What for?
- Well, for your business.
I don't take
somethin' for nothin'.
Free. That's what
that says: free.
Can't get much
cheaper than that.
Well, looks like we're
out of work again.
- Jesse, I got a "what if" for ya.
- You got a "what if" for me.
- Yeah.
- Well, what if?
What if Luke decides to run us
off now that we're out of work?
Read this.
Huh? Huh?
Yeah, yeah.
- I thought you said you could read.
- Well, I can.
You can't read. What's
that word right there?
- "There."
- Right. What's that word right there?
- "In."
- That's "is."
And it says right between
that "there" and "is"
that there's been a
gold strike in Montana.
- You know what that means, don't you?
- Yeah. They found gold in Montana.
And if... if they found
gold, anybody can find gold.
And we're just anybody.
Oh, Jesse, turn me loose in
Montana. I can find gold in the ground.
I can track bluebirds
across the empty skies.
- Hi, Owen.
- How you doin', Virg?
- Jesse.
- Hi, Virg.
Them doin' so well
sure is bad for business.
- Oh, bad, bad.
- Yeah.
Guess me and Owen bein' out of
work, old Luke, he's gonna run us off.
No. No. No, no. No,
he won't. I won't let him.
How you gonna stop him?
I'll just tell him,
if you go, I go.
- Well, you don't have to do that, Virg.
- I know, but that's what I'm gonna do.
- That's a sweet boy, Jesse.
- Well, I think he means that.
- You mean that, don't you?
- Sure do.
You ain't gonna leave
me alone with that woman.
Did you ever learn how to read?
Miss Clacklee taught me.
- Miss Clacklee?
- Cacklee.
- Cacklee?
- Yeah. I used to work with her.
- You worked with her?
- I didn't graduate, though.
You read it to him.
There has been gold
discovered in Montana.
I'd better read it.
There's been a gold
strike in Montana.
- Right.
- See how I read?
If you'd have graduated,
you could have read like that.
Hurry up, Papa. Every minute
you wait costs you money.
- Morning, Miss Meena.
- Hello.
Virg is out there. How
come he can't do it?
Because you're going to.
How come I always get
stuck doin' all the talkin'?
- That's what you do best.
- It is?
- In a manner of speaking.
- Howdy, Miss Meena.
That's the third time today
that fella's said hello to you.
- It's the fifth time, Papa.
- What d'you figure he's up to?
Number six.
Just a minute, Papa.
You come too.
It's hard to believe it
really worked, ain't it?
Well, that Dusty
knows his ding joints.
We won't get rich, but we'll
have enough money to pay Pa
and maybe a little left over.
Come on.
Hi, Joe. What do you say, Hoss?
- Howdy.
- Hi, Luke. What can we do for you?
Oh, nothin'. We just dropped
by to see how y'all was doin'.
- We're doin' just fine.
- Good.
Papa.
All right, you win.
Well, if we win, you lose.
- That's right.
- And just what is it that you lose?
Go ahead, Papa.
Here's your lease and
the rent money back.
No deal.
Jesse sold them cow
ponies for 60 dollars apiece.
Here's the money to make
up the difference to you.
No deal.
Well, just what do you want?
I want you out of the
livery stable business.
All right.
Firman and McAdams want
to buy back their stables,
so I'll have the papers
drawn up in the mornin'.
Now you got a deal.
Not yet.
I owe you a apology,
and I'm offerin' it to you.
Accepted.
Accepted, Luke.
Well, now that we're getting everything
in order, there's one more thing.
Virg.
Virg, there's something
I have to tell you.
There aren't any relatives
coming from the east.
I don't have an Aunt Mary.
Well, there's just Papa and me.
I only told you that so I
could put off the wedding.
Until I was sure.
Well, now I'm sure,
and, well, I think...
Well, I don't think...
Virg, would you
please say something?
Did you know they'd
found gold in Montana?
They what?
It says so right here.
Virg, I just love you!
Well, in a very special way.
You know, if things had
been a little different...
You're a very sweet boy, Virg.
And you're about the...
prettiest thing I ever seen.
And you've got a
natural head for business.
Well, it was your money
started it in the first place.
Oh, Virg.
I'm gonna miss you.
Probably, but not very much.
Virg.
Virg.
Just enough.
Virg.
Bye.
What you doin'?
Well, what's it look like I'm
doin'? I'm lookin' at a map.
- Gonna find Montana.
- Well, you don't need no map.
I know where Montana
is. I spent too long a time...
- You know where Montana is?
- That's right.
You don't know where Montana is.
You don't even know where Reno is.
I know where Reno
is. Reno's dead ahead.
It's that way to the ocean.
Well, ain't Reno got a ocean?
Ain't Reno got an ocean? That's
the dumbest thing I've heard.
You just... Now, you watch it.
You couldn't track the trees.
- Where's he goin'?
- To Montana, Papa.
- What for?
- To find the end of the rainbow.
Time the word gets out,
all the good claims are gone,
and the bad ones are staked
out for ten miles in every direction.
Them boys are gonna find
nothin' but lumps and bruises.
- How can you be so sure of that?
- I ought to be.
I been there often enough.
They're gonna have
a long ride for nothin'.
Yeah, well, here's one time all that
experience of yours is gonna pay off.
No, Joe, it doesn't.
I know it's a waste and I can
convince everybody but myself.
So I gotta hurry. Those three
boys'll beat me to Montana.
- Best of luck.
- Yeah, you're gonna need it, Dusty.
Joe, why don't you and Hoss
come for Sunday supper?
- Sunday supper?
- Well, ma'am, I would love...
No, no, we can't come
to Sunday supper.
We got a whole lot
of horses to round up.
- We ain't got no horses.
- We got a lot of horses to round up.
We ain't got... Ma'am,
I'll be there with bells on.
We're running a ding joint here.
If you were to come early Sunday
afternoon, I could pack a picnic lunch.
Why, ma'am, that'd be...
That isn't a very good day, you
know. You know, we're open...
Welcome to the family.