Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 11, Episode 18 - The Lady and the Mark - full transcript

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Traveling all these miles together,
be a shame not to keep in touch.

You look me up, now,
whenever you get to town.

No, I don't believe I will.

- Thank you.
- Why not? I'll buy you a beer.

- I don't drink, mister.
- Well, coffee. What about coffee?

Help yourself. Me, I
pick my own friends.

Thanks for stoppin'. Go
ahead and take it away.

Ha! Heeyah! Yah! Yah!

Hand me down that
carpetbag there, will you, friend?

Whiskey.



Double or nothing.

People like you take all
the sport out of drinkin'.

I was on the verge of despair.

You still are. I'm not gonna
loan you any money, Charlie.

I got somethin' that's
too big for me to handle.

I was hopin' against hope, and what
do I find? The best in the business.

Not one red cent.

It's big and easy.

He's a greenhorn like
you wouldn't believe.

Hayseeds in his hair and
money comin' out his ears.

Somebody's gonna
clean him like that.

Unless you and me do it first.

Tell me more.

Hey, Pa, look who's here.



Hey, Keller. Chris Keller.

- How are you? Good to see you.
- Fine, fine.

- When'd you get in?
- Just a little bit ago.

Saw him down the road
about four miles, walkin'.

Well. How'd you make out
in the goldfields? Any luck?

- I found a little gold.
- Yeah?

I told him he could
have his old job back.

Oh, sure. Course you can.

Hey, what's a big gold operator like
you wantin' to work as a cowhand for?

Well, I figured if a man's got a
little money, he ought to be happy.

But it didn't work out that way.

People are always hangin'
around me, slappin' me on the back,

calling me friend and pard,
always tryin' to get my money.

- It was enough to gag a rattlesnake.
- Yeah, some people are like that.

Sure will be a pleasure to get out
there in the bunkhouse and get settled.

Of course, the best
way to protect yourself

is to say as little as
possible about your money.

That's just what I got in mind.

It's especially important
right now, Chris.

There's a bunch of
confidence men in town.

Sheriff doesn't
know who they are,

but he does know a lot of
people have been swindled.

Now, if it were to become
known that you had struck it rich...

they'd be on your
back in no time.

- How much did you make?
- Oh...

67,000.

67,000?

Hey, friend, pard.

We... We wanna talk to
you about a couple of things.

No, don't you dare talk to anybody
about how much money you made.

You're not carrying it
around with you, are you?

No I... I bought
me a letter of credit.

That's a good idea.
Oh, another good idea.

You take that letter of credit into
the bank first thing in the morning.

Oh, and if anybody tries to sell you
the city hall or the county jail cheap,

you tell us about it.

- Come on, let's get settled.
- Thanks, Mr. Cartwright.

Listen, did you ever think
about buying a bunkhouse?

I never use the bunkhouse
out there and I'd like to unload it.

67,000 dollars?

Gentlemen.

Charlie Fitch.

The Alderman.

- Hoby Miles.
- How you doin'?

- Walt King.
- My pleasure.

What did you wanna
see us about, Art?

Charlie says he's lined up
a sucker for us here in town.

I thought you wanted to go
on to Denver in the mornin'.

This could be good.

Art, we've made five scores here
already. No fixin' with the sheriff.

I figure it's time to move on.

I think we ought to be able to pull
off one more without any trouble.

Depends if it's worth it, how
much money this chump's got.

Charlie?

Story is, he made it pretty
good in the goldfields.

You're the double-jointed
fella they call Loose Charlie?

That's me.

He falls in front of carriages,

throws himself out of joint
and yells and carries on.

What do you pick up for a
thing like that? 15, 20 bucks?

Yeah, generally.

His idea of a big score and
ours might be something different.

Charlie put me on to something
good a couple of years ago.

This could run maybe
three, four thousand dollars.

Oh, more like five times that.

Second thought, maybe we'd
better take a look at this chump.

Indeed.

So that's the mark.
Looks like a real cinch.

There's a couple of problems.

I'll see how quick I can pick
him up, buy him a few drinks.

- Oh, he doesn't drink.
- All right. Pie and coffee.

Stay with him. We'll get
him in a game tonight.

- He doesn't gamble.
- We'll teach him.

He knows. He's against
all forms of wagering.

- That knocks out poker.
- And the race wire.

We'll let the Alderman try
the stock market swindle.

- Uh-uh.
- Why not?

He's a country boy. You say
stock and he thinks you mean cows.

Charlie, is there anything else
you haven't told us about this yahoo?

Well, he tips his hat to ladies.

- And he's honest.
- How honest?

All the way,
straight as a arrow.

- His name is Christian Keller.
- And is he ripe for picking. I mean...

Don't count on it.

Charlie, thanks for nothin'.

He deposited 67,000 dollars.

- Are you sure?
- Positive.

Well, it may be a
little time-consuming,

but I guess we're going to
have to sell him something.

Yeah.

Mm-hm.

And what kind of
company was that again?

A patent reaper company.

Patent reaper company.

Well, that has a
rich, full sound.

And how did they pick you up?

I was sittin' there havin' a cup of
coffee and this fella comes up to me.

- Walt his name is.
- Mm-hm.

And he says did
I drop my wallet?

And sure enough underneath
my chair there's this wallet.

So you looked into it and you
found out who owned it, hmm?

That's right. Mr. Hoby Miles.

And the wallet was
stuffed with money.

Was it?

So, of course, you took the wallet
right back to Mr. Hoby Miles at the hotel.

And Mr. Miles just happened
to own a patent reaper company.

That's right.

You know, I was findin'
wallets all the time up north.

Well, they sure didn't
waste any time, did they?

No. But they didn't try
and sell me anything.

They just kept talkin'
about how much money

the stockholders in this
company are gonna make.

But they... they did say
I could see the plans.

Did they?

And when do you see
these people again?

In the morning, and I asked
'em if I could bring a friend along,

and they... they said
he'd be welcomed.

Very good.

I look forward to
seeing a patent reaper.

There you are, gentlemen.

This little beauty will
revolutionize harvestin'.

We already have orders
for more of these machines

than we can possibly
manufacture in a year.

You know, I think that
could be a very big success.

It already is.

Well, when I was here before,
you said something about stock.

- Walt said that...
- Walt? What did Walt say?

He said maybe we
could buy some stock.

He did, did he?
What'd you say that for?

You know every share of stock
was spoken for months ago.

- I thought, Mr. Miles...
- That's the problem. You didn't think.

Now, gentlemen, I thought you
came up here to see these drawings.

I never dreamed Mr. King would
give you the idea you could buy stock.

I've... I've refused old friends,
even members of my own family.

Oh, well, I'm very sorry. I...
I'm sorry we've troubled you.

No, no, wait, now.

Mr. Miles, Mr. Keller
here's a friend of yours.

He returned your wallet with
more than a thousand dollars in it.

He's a honest man, a deserver.

I admit that, but...

And Mr. Keller's
friend, Mr. Cartwright,

why, he owns one of the
largest ranches hereabouts.

He could be a great help in gettin'
the reaper sales started in this area.

Think about it, Mr. Miles.

You'll be helpin' a
man who helped you,

and also helpin'
your reaper company.

Well, now, there
was a block of stock

I was savin' for a man who was
supposed to be here two days ago.

He hasn't shown up yet.

So, under the circumstances, I
suppose I can let you have that.

Thank you, Mr. Miles.

It'll be expensive.

Cost you 71,000 dollars.

Well, I haven't got that much.

Well, Chris, I... I just might be
able to come up with the difference.

Cash or certified check no
later than tomorrow mornin'.

Yeah, well, we could... we could get
over to the bank and get things started.

- Thank you very much. I...
- It's all right.

It's awfully nice of you to
allow us to participate in this.

It's all right.

Reasonable profit on an
investment is always welcome.

But this also offers us a chance
to help every rancher in Nevada.

All right, gentlemen,
we'll see you shortly.

Hey, Hoby, you're a jim-dandy!

Well, I was in top form,
if I do say so myself.

And so was Ben Cartwright.

Oh, Cartwright and that Chris
fella are comin' up with the money.

Mm-hm. In marked bills, with
the sheriff in the next room.

Don't you know a smart
man when you see one?

A man like Ben Cartwright isn't
going to make a heavy investment

after one meeting
in a hotel room.

Pack your things, both of you.

You're leaving town right now.

I guess we'd better.

This teaches me
the virtues of humility.

What about you?

- Mr. Blackwell?
- Hmm?

Hoby wants to know
what you're gonna do.

You never give up, not you.

A wise man knows
when it's time to quit.

What happened, Ben?

I'll tell you what
happened, Clem.

Mr. Miles and company
have disappeared.

Vamoosed. Checked out.

I'll be... I had the
room next door rented.

I was gonna wait till you handed
them the money and then nail 'em.

Now, what could
have spooked 'em?

Maybe we were
too willing to buy.

Well, we chased 'em
out of town anyway.

I mean, that's not as good as
puttin' 'em in jail, but it's something.

It is? Well, it's a job
for me is what it is.

I've gotta try and
pick up their trail now.

Yes, you do, Clem. Good luck.

Thanks a lot, Ben.

Well, let's get back to work.

Whoa, whoa!

Help! Help!

Whoa!

Help! Help!

Come on, hold it, hold
it! Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Help! Help!

Help! Whoa! Help!

Oh!

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa.

Whoa.

- Whoa!
- Whoa.

Oh!

Whoa there.

You all right, lady?

Oh, yes, I'm fine.

I've been dragged across what
must have been half of Nevada

by a runaway horse that was
guaranteed gentle and trustworthy.

I've been battered and bruised.

Yes, I'm just fine.

Yeah, I guess you are.

- What do you mean?
- Just fine.

Otherwise you wouldn't be able to
make a speech like that if you weren't.

- You're sure of that?
- Pretty sure.

Well, he's... he's settled down now.
What scared him? Why'd he run away?

He saw a snake in the road.

Oh, see, there,
that's why he took off.

Here you go. Let
me help you down.

All right.

Oh!

Whoa, whoa. Whoa.

I'm... I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right. I
should be getting used to it.

I'll just hold him
and you get on down.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you. I was beginning to think
you didn't know much about horses.

Yeah, could be, but I know more
about horses than I do about ladies.

Oh?

I think it's a mistake to ask
this, but I'm going to anyway.

Just what do you mean by that?

Nothing, except I thought
you might get mad at me again

for the horse gettin' scared.

Oh, no, anything but.

I certainly haven't
been very polite, have I?

You saved my life, and I've scolded
you as if the whole thing were your fault.

- I was thinking it was.
- I'm sorry.

I can't even thank you
properly. I don't know your name.

Chris, ma'am. Chris Keller.

Charity McGill.
And I do thank you.

You're welcome.

Look, Miss McGill, why don't
you get up here in the buggy?

It's all right. Go on.

And I'll tell you what we'll do.

We'll go to the
Ponderosa. I work there.

Not too far from here.

Both you and your
horse can get rested up.

- You ever heard of the Ponderosa?
- No.

Biggest ranch in these
parts. Mr. Cartwright owns it.

Well, you know more about
ladies than you think you do.

Let's go!

Well, I think I've got that
horse all settled down now.

Well, I guess I'm all settled down
too. Well, I'd better get started.

Miss McGill, it's a long
ride to Virginia City.

It wouldn't be any trouble
if you'd like to stay over

or you want one of
us to drive you back.

Oh, you've done quite enough already,
Mr. Cartwright. Thank you so much.

- You're more than welcome.
- Goodbye, and thank you all.

- Nice meeting you.
- I'll walk you to the buggy.

I'm afraid I'll never be able
to repay you, Mr. Keller.

Well, don't think
anything about it.

Strikes gold and rescues a pretty
girl. Some fellas have all the luck.

- Yeah, well...
- She's kind of cute.

Seems very nice.

- Mr. Cartwright?
- Hmm?

If I get all those strays in this
afternoon, can I have tomorrow off?

Uh, yes, I... I suppose so.

Any particular reason
you'd like to have the day off?

Uh, I... just thought I'd
ride into Virginia City.

Well, he's got
money in the bank.

He probably wants to
go in and watch it grow.

Miss McGill.

- Good morning, Mr. Keller.
- Morning.

Hey, can I give you a hand?

Well, I would appreciate
that. Just up to the hotel?

Uh-huh.

How have you been?

Fine.

Uh, lemon drop.

Trying to chew it up
quick so I can talk.

Do you have any peppermint?

- Help yourself.
- Thank you.

I have an awful sweet tooth.

- So do I.
- I go around like this half the time.

Say, did you get back to
town all right the other day?

No, I was captured by Indians,
bought by a band of wandering gypsies

and finally rescued
by the cavalry.

- That sounds terrible.
- It was. I nearly missed dinner.

Ah. Fish hooks.

I know. They're too big.

- No, they're about right.
- Mm-mm. They're too big.

- I don't like to dispute a lady, but...
- Well, don't, then.

- Have you done any fishing?
- Certainly.

What kind?

- Chub, dace, catfish.
- Well, there you are.

And trout and salmon. These
things must be for sharks.

- Do you like to fish?
- Oh, yes.

So do I.

Miss McGill, I, uh...

Yes?

Nothing. Forget it.

Well, it was awfully nice
seeing you again, Mr. Keller.

And thank you very much.

My pleasure.

Well, goodbye.

Bye.

Miss McGill.

I, uh... I don't
suppose you'd...

Yes, I would. I'll be ready
first thing in the morning.

Oh, and those fish
hooks are too big.

Oh!

Oh, thank you.

I couldn't believe it.
It was so hysterical.

- I never thought I...
- Shh.

- What?
- You'll scare the fish.

That's superstition.
Fish can't hear.

What you have to watch out for is
letting your shadow fall on the water.

Oh, your shadow's not gonna
fall on the water this time of day.

Look at there.

Hmm.

And... here.

- Worms.
- Oh, no.

Set deep, I suppose.

Of course.

Grasshoppers. On the surface.

Charity, your
ignorance is pitiful.

I'm gonna go downstream
and work that for a while.

Hey, it's a pure waste of time.

We'll see.

- Hey, Charity?
- Hmm?

- How you doing?
- Oh, so-so.

How are you doing?

Oh, I...

- Uh, Charity?
- Hmm?

Can I borrow one of
your grasshoppers?

I've had a wonderful
time, Chris.

So have I.

May I have my key, please?

Maybe tomorrow I
can... I can get off early

and come into town and
I'll... I'll take you to supper.

Is there anything wrong?

I don't think so.

Well, are you sure?

It's just some business. You go
along, Chris. I'll talk to you later.

If you say so. Charity?

It's all right, Chris.

You got the heaviest end.

Howdy.

- Howdy, Mr. Cartwright.
- Everything all right?

Sure. Couple more hours
and we'll have her finished.

- Good. See you later.
- Mr. Cartwright?

Yeah?

- Can I speak to you for a few minutes?
- Sure, Chris.

I was over takin' a look at Ed
Newhall's place the other day.

- He's thinkin' of sellin'.
- Oh, yeah.

I was just wondering
what you thought about it.

Well, Ed Newhall's place,
there's good land there.

Nice little...
Nice little house.

Good outbuildings too.

- My impression too.
- Mmm.

Just needs a little work.

- Are you interested?
- Yeah.

Well, since those swindlers took off, I
thought I'd put the money to good use.

Buying a ranch, huh?

Yeah, I know it's
reaching kind of high, but...

well... Charity McGill's
the finest girl I ever met.

Well, now. You're thinking
of getting married too?

Yeah, I'm... I'm
thinkin' about it.

I haven't asked her yet. I
haven't got up the nerve.

I don't know what she'll do
when I... when I do ask her.

You mean you... you
don't know her well enough

to know what
she's liable to say?

Well, sure I do.

I know that her
father died recently

and that she lives in Sacramento
and she's here on business.

And there's this fella that's
giving her some kind of a problem.

But I expect everything's gonna
work out all right. Sure hope so.

Yeah, yeah, so do
I, Chris. Sure do.

Meanwhile, getting to know
her better is all to the good.

You know, marriage
is for a long, long time.

Over on the Russian River, I
tied into a big old steelhead.

Boy, did he give me a fight.

We're not doing very
well today, are we?

No.

What time is it?

Oh, one, 1:30, in there. Why?

Well, I have to be back to
see the lawyer this afternoon.

There's still time.

Honey, if there's
anything I can do to help.

No, no, it's just some
affairs of my father's.

Go on with the story.

Oh, well, I... I rassled with him
for 20 minutes, a half hour, easy.

He was a real old sockdolager.

That big.

That's the gospel.

How big?

More like that.

I thought so.

- What did I do?
- I've got a bite!

Oh!

Well, there's nothing more I can
do here, so I guess I'll go on home.

How soon?

Day after tomorrow.

It's kind of sudden.

Yes, I suppose.

When will you be coming back?

I don't believe I will. I mean,
there's no real reason to.

Guess not.

You can come visit me.

No, I don't think I want to.

I'll write to you.

Will you miss me?

Whoa.

Charity, you're not
going anywhere,

'cause I love you and
we're gonna get married.

Aren't we?

I was hoping you'd ask that.
And dreading it at the same time.

What for?

- I can't, Chris.
- Why not?

You can't ask a man to take
on a lot of unwanted problems.

Well, not if you really
and truly love him.

Well, when my daddy died,

about the only thing he left
was the Ledbetter Number Six.

That's a gold mine
just below here.

Yes. I know it.

Well, about two weeks ago, I got a
letter from this man Arthur Blackwell

saying that he had mortgages
and liens against the mine

and if I didn't pay them,
he was gonna take the mine.

I don't understand your problem,
Miss McGill. Let him take it.

That mine was
worked out years ago.

No, Daddy said he found a
new vein. But that's not the point.

Mr. Blackwell's been saying
that my father salted the mine

and falsified the
assay to swindle him.

Well, I'm not going to let this
man blacken my father's memory.

I see.

I told Charity I had some money

and the easiest thing in the world
was for me to get her out of debt.

Well, I don't think
you should do that.

Chris, you realize
what you're saying?

I mean, when you
strip it all away,

what you'd be doing
is buying a gold mine.

As long as it'll help Charity.

Well, it would have to be a
loan, Chris, with a new assay,

and the proper papers
drawn up and everything.

What is the amount of the debt?

65,000 dollars.

Hmm.

Well, well, well.

If you like, we'll... we'll
help you take the assay.

I mean, getting ore samples
out of an old mineshaft

is no work for a young lady.

That's very nice of
you. I'd appreciate that.

Of course. I'll... I'll...

I'll write a note
for you to sign,

giving us permission
to be on your property.

- Thank you, Mr. Cartwright.
- Not at all.

I want you to get over to
that mine right away tonight.

Don't let anybody near it.

Why, what do you think?

It's a rather unusual
story we just heard.

Oh, Hoss is down
with the south herd.

Drop by there and tell
him to meet us at the mine.

I'll join you there
in the morning.

We just may be able to
settle a couple of things.

Ah, this hot coffee tastes good.

- Boy, it got cold last night.
- Ooh! You're not kiddin'.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Whoa.

How's it goin'?

- Have any visitors?
- No, no, no one.

Not at all?

Well, from the looks of this
place, nobody's been here in a year.

Well, I've got the
equipment here.

We'll get some samples
all along the shaft.

- Every five feet or so.
- All right.

I wanna get some
core samples too.

About six feet into the face.

Well, might as well get started.

I figure these
samples are worthless.

I don't see how there could be
anything of any value in that mine.

At least Charity's
been honest about it.

She's the one that
wanted the assay report.

I'm still troubled by the fact that
the amount of money that she owes

happens to be almost exactly the
amount of money that Chris has in the bank.

- Isn't that strange?
- I think it's just a coincidence.

- You're barking up the wrong tree.
- I hope so.

Meanwhile, let's...
let's stick to the plan.

If anybody tries to salt those
samples, let 'em, look the other way.

- All right.
- I'll wait here for Hoss.

- Pull up on the street there.
- Yeah, yeah, all right.

Whoa. Whoa.

We can leave it out here
and watch from the inside.

Well, that'll give them the chance
they want. And we can have a beer.

Not a bad idea.

Why don't you keep an
eye out and I'll get the beers?

- There you go.
- Well...

Two hours and not even a nibble.

Two free beers and a free
lunch. It wasn't all wasted.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

You bring rock to
Maybe So Office?

Maybe So Office?

Maybe so you get rich.
Maybe so you don't.

Maybe so.

Yeah, maybe.

Ah, young men in
search of a fortune,

bringing in a wagonload of
high-grade ore for the assay office.

Solid gold rocks.

I can tell by the feel of them.

It's really our day for dingbats,
isn't it? Let's get this stuff inside.

Well, Miss McGill,
won't you sit down?

Thank you.

The... This assay report was
brought back about an hour ago

by Joe and Candy.

Now, uh...

most of the samples
were proved worthless.

That's to be expected.

But according to this report,

apparently there's a
vein of ore in that mine

which assays out at an
average of 2,500 dollars a ton.

- Hey, that's great.
- I never doubted it.

That's almost exactly the
same figure Daddy had.

Now all we have to do is
get the money to Mr. Blackwell

and we'll have everything
nailed down for you.

- For us.
- There's one other thing.

This report is based
on one set of samples.

We took two sets, as identical
as we could possibly make them.

My son Hoss is having the second
set assayed in Carson City right now.

- Well, isn't that unusual?
- Just an added precaution.

It's more than that.

Well, let
Mr. Cartwright tell me.

Well, if the... if the
two reports agree,

then everything's all
right, there's no problem.

If they don't...

He's saying there's
something funny going on.

- Like what?
- Something.

- That's why he's getting two assays.
- Well, I think it's a good idea.

- I don't.
- Oh, Chris, stop fussing.

It's time we were leaving.

Well, please let me know
as soon as you get the report.

- Of course.
- Thank you.

You got the second report, huh?

Well, the samples were
the same as the others.

Not quite.

The best of these samples
showed a value of a dollar six.

That mine's been mined out.

The samples were
just like the other ones.

We got 'em at the same
time from the same places.

Sorry, Chris.

She was trying to
swindle me all the time.

That's what she
was trying to do.

She wouldn't accept any help

after I told her you were
waitin' for a second report.

I had to beg her
to take the money.

- But she did take it?
- Sure she did.

Now I'm not sure if I can
get it back. But I'm gonna try.

I'd appreciate if you'd
ride along with me.

Sure.

Ah, my darling niece.
Where are you going?

Well, I was gonna leave Virginia
City, but I wanted to see you first.

Commendable.

Since you have the money that we
all jointly earned from that young man.

We do have to split it up.

Well, I've been
thinking about that.

- Uncle Arthur, I've made a decision...
- Of course you have, my dear.

All beginners come to that
same decision the first time out.

It's just buck fever.

Come on, we'll have
that little talk, hmm?

A great day, gentlemen.
Truly a great day.

That's right, Art. I
mean Mr. Blackwell.

There. Bleed, you rascal.

Ah, greatest little
invention since the wheel.

Salt anything and everything
with a liquid essence of gold.

You are a good man.
So are you, Charlie.

From now on, you stick with us.

Much obliged.

And now let us
drink to that little lady

without whose feminine
charms and quick wit,

none of this would
have been possible.

Hear! Hear.

To you, my dear niece,
our heartfelt thanks.

You did well on your first
venture into the confidence world.

Extremely well.

Pity you had an
attack of conscience.

My dear, you must learn,

never give a sucker
his money back.

The real pity is, you could
have been one of the great ones.

So...

Hail.

Farewell.

We won't be long.

This way.

Hoby Miles' room.

- Start talkin' any time.
- I'm sorry, Chris.

Sure you are. They got you tied
up here like a Christmas turkey.

- No wonder you're sorry.
- Who tied you up, Miss McGill?

My uncle and his bunch. They're
on their way to Carson City.

They said they were going to Denver,
but I know they're going to Carson.

When did they leave?

30, 40 minutes ago. In a buggy.

Chris, I know you're
not gonna believe this,

but I was trying to bring
the money back, all of it,

when Uncle Arthur caught me.

You're right, I
don't believe it.

Come on, let's go find 'em.

Hey, look at this.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, wait! I'm going with you.

Yah! Yah!

Yah!

They're just comin'
up behind us.

Whoever you are,
I'll make you a deal!

We'll give you half the money,
we'll keep half, and you let us go!

No deal! Come out
with your hands up!

Charlie.

Maybe if we gave all the money back,
we'd only get about nine or ten years.

Don't be a fool.

All right, you let us go,
we'll leave the money behind!

Otherwise I'll burn
it up, every dollar!

On the table.

Come on, up, up.

My money's here and a lot more.

They must have got
it from another fella.

Six weeks' hard work,

and we let a chump like
you take it away from us.

There's no justice in the world.

Your fault.

My kin, but... you don't take
after my side of the family.

Well, I'm sure my
fiancé won't mind.

- Your who?
- My fiancé. Fella named Chris Keller.

We're going to be married.

We're gonna be what?

I know you won't believe
this now, but it's true.

I found out I couldn't
steal, not even once,

'cause I love you,
you big galoot.

And I'll convince you if it
takes the rest of my life.

It won't take that long.

I love you, Chris, honest.

Those are the prettiest
words I ever heard.

I'll make him a
good wife, really.

You know something,
Chris? I believe she will.

All right, boys, move
on. Come on, up here.