Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 1, Episode 28 - San Francisco - full transcript

Well, trail herd delivered
top price for our beef,

beautiful San Francisco weather.

What more could we ask?

Well, a few days
out of the saddle.

By golly, we'll have that, too.

Listen, as a change from
Hop Sing's chuck wagon,

I'm throwing a little
supper party tonight.

Oysters, steak,
champagne, the works.

And after that, after that,

five days for all of
us in San Francisco

with nothing to do
but have a good time.



Hot dog!

Pa, that's what I've been
waiting to hear you say.

What's the matter, Johnny?

Mr. Cartwright, I think
you made a mistake here.

What's that? I got too much pay.

No, no, you haven't.

You and Hamp both
deserve a bonus.

Now you're gonna have a
good time, but remember,

this is not the Ponderosa,

it's San Francisco,
so be careful.

Thanks, boss, but
don't worry about us.

After riding trail with
these boys of yours,

this town is gonna
seem downright tame.

Hey, thanks a lot.



Come on, Hamp.

Don't be late for supper.

Fine boys.

Well, with hands like
Johnny and Hamp,

we won't have any trouble
running the Ponderosa.

Come on, let's get
back to the hotel.

Let's have some fun.

Hamp, I'm beginning to
like this San Francisco town.

You know something? You
know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna buy that
sweet wife of mine

a whole bolt of Chinese silk.

Silk?

Did you say silk?

I said silk.

Nothing too good for
that sweet wife of mine.

Gentlemen, I just
happened to overhear.

Now as you see by my card,

I'm a silk merchant.

And I just happen to have

a brand-new shipment
from the Orient.

It's the home of the silkworm.

Now if you'll follow me
to my establishment...

Why sure, neighbor.

Yes, gentlemen,
right back here...

I have my shop
because it's wholesale.

Right this way, gentlemen.

I hope Shanghai Pete
takes 'em off my hands.

That ship sails for
Hong Kong at midnight.

Take 'em in, boys.

That's very strange.

Johnny and Hamp
should be here by now.

Don't worry about them two, Pa,

they'll be here.

They ain't gonna turn down
free oysters and champagne,

I'll guarantee you.

He's right, Pa.

Hey, you know, I
feel kind of guilty.

Huh? Why?

Well, here we are having
ourselves a big time

while Adam's home
working himself to death.

Oh?

Yeah, doggone it, I do too, Pa.

Really?

Well, it's too bad you
boys didn't think about that

before you rigged
those straws you drew

to see who'd come on this trip.

Hey, Pa...

What about Hop Sing?
Is he gonna come along?

Oh, I doubt that very much.

He's got a hundred
relatives in town

he wants to visit.

Wish old Hamp and Johnny'd
hurry up and get back.

After supper, me and
Little Joe sort of figured

we'd go over to
one of them places

where they got them
good-looking waiter gals.

Yeah, now you're
talking, brother.

"Now you're talking, brother."

If you think I'm gonna
let you and Little Joe

wander around the
Barbary Coast at night alone,

you've got yourself
another think coming.

This is San Francisco...

It's a big city
and it's a wild city.

Yeah, but, Pa, you let
Hamp and Johnny go.

Well, you're not
Hamp and Johnny.

Haven't you ever
heard of shanghaiing?

Yeah, it's got something
to do with sailors, doesn't it?

You know, there isn't
a ship in this harbor

that isn't short of sailors.

You could be
slugged over the head

and on your way to Singapore

before you ever
knew what happened.

Well, that sounds like a
pretty good deal to me.

Oh... No, really,

I hear there's a lot of
good-looking women in Singapore.

In Singapore, but
not on board a ship.

And how'd you like to eat
nothing more than sour salt pork

for more than a year?

I wouldn't like that.
No, I guess not.

You boys take
care of yourselves.

This is San Francisco,
it isn't the Ponderosa.

There's Hamp and Johnny now.

It's about time.

Oh, Hop Sing.

I thought you were
with your relatives.

Something wrong, Hop Sing?

Not know for sure.

#3 cousin... he see
two cowboys go in alley,

hit on head, not come out.

Cousin come
quick, tell Hop Sing.

Think maybe it's
Mr. Hamp and Mr. Johnny.

Hamp and Johnny?

Wait a minute, what
makes you think

it might be Hamp and Johnny?

They not in hotel room.

Pa, maybe Hoss and
I ought check on it.

I think we'll all check it.

They're probably just
over in some saloon

having themselves a good time.

Four more before midnight
if you want to get paid.

That'll be all, boys.

Cowboys.

What can I do to make
'em look more like sailors?

Hoss, any luck?

Not a bit, Pa.

Any luck?

Nothing.

Well, I'm going to the police.

Hey, listen, do you
mind if Hoss and I

have a look around some more?

Well, I guess it
doesn't take four of us

to talk to a policeman.

Just a moment now.

Remember this is
not the Ponderosa,

so you two stay out of
trouble, do you understand?

Pa, you know us
better than that. Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on.

Are you the man in charge here?

What can I do for you?

Uh, my name is
Cartwright, Ben Cartwright.

I just drove a herd of
cattle across the Sierra.

Well, San Francisco
can certainly use

a decent beefsteak.

Sergeant, I didn't come
here to discuss beefsteaks.

Two of my top hands
have disappeared.

Well, it does happen.

Is this or isn't it the San
Francisco police department?

It's exactly that.

I just told you, two of my
top hands have disappeared

and I've come here for help.

I suppose you expect
me to drop everything

and go find them, hmm?

Yes, that's exactly it.

Mr. Cartwright, men are
always disappearing in this city.

And you do nothing to try to
find out what happened to them?

Do you realize how many
policemen it would take

to keep an eye on
ever shanghai hideout

on the Barbary Coast?

Well, Sergeant,
I'm not interested

in how many men it would take.

I came here for help.

Mr. Cartwright,
this is a seaport.

Ships come here
from all over the world.

Ships need sailors.

Sailors, yes, but not cowboys.

You'd be surprised how
many cowboys become sailors.

Now I suggest that you do
as all the ship captains do

when they find
themselves shorthanded...

Set out and find
yourself a new crew.

Do-do you sit here

and condone the buying
and selling of human beings?

I don't condone it, but I
don't have enough men

to do anything about it,

so I accept it as
an unfortunate fact.

Now please, if you'll excuse me.

All right, Sergeant,
you mark my words...

I'm gonna find those
two men of mine

with or without your help.

All right, you go right ahead.

But I warn you... look out.

Hey, we're getting pretty
close to that waterfront, ain't we?

Figure it out.

If you were going to
shanghai somebody

and put 'em on a ship,
where would you take 'em,

out on the desert?

What do you keep talking about

shanghaiing for, Little Joe?

You know as
well as I do, that...

Hamp and Johnny
are right around here

in some of these little joints.

The only thing is,
these bartenders

don't seem to want to give
out much information, do they?

That's 'cause
they're all in cahoots.

Aw, quit worrying.

Come on.

Now wait a minute,
wait a minute.

We're not going to
get anywhere this way.

Hoss, why don't you
cover that side of the street.

I'll take this side.

Hop Sing, go check
with your cousins.

See if they've seen anything.

Not think it good
you boys be here

on Barbary Coast.

You're as bad as Pa, Hop Sing.

Now I've heard tell a
man can have himself

a lot of fun down here
on this Barbary Coast.

Well, you know, brother,

I've heard the same thing.

Get going, Hop Sing.

Well, howdy.

How are you?

I'm looking for a
couple of friends of mine.

Thought they might have
come in here. Two cowboys.

Sonny, we serve out drinks here,

not information.

Yeah, well, I just thought...

And you look too
young to drink, so, uh,

why don't you get out of here.

Wait a minute, all I...

Thank you.

Too many questions
being asked around here.

Think I better
tell Mr. Pendleton.

Oh, Mr. Cartwright.

Yes, Mr. Cartwright.

Where's Hoss and Little Joe?

They go Barbary Coast.

What?!

Not good.

On Barbary Coast,
hit, slice, cut, push.

Very dangerous.

Shanghai.

If Little Joe didn't have
enough sense to know that,

Hoss should have.

Why didn't you tell him?

I tell him.

He say look like fun.

Look like fun.

I better find those two

before they get into
some real trouble.

Barbary Coast.

Hop Sing go find cousin.

Joseph!

Well, at least I
found one of you.

Now where's your brother?

Oh, he's looking for
Hamp and Johnny.

Didn't I tell you two
to stay together?

Pa, we thought it
would go faster this way.

Isn't that Hoss?

Come on!

Hoss, didn't I tell you
to stay out of trouble?

Pa, I ain't in no trouble.

This here is Busthead Brannigan.

He's a box-fight champion
of the whole Barbary Coast.

Come on, Mr. Busthead, wake up.

Hey, you mean you
did this for money?

Sure. I told you it
was gonna be fun

down on this Barbary
Coast, Little Joe.

Looky there. More
than a hundred dollars.

Makes me madder than a mischief
to think about how much talent

I done wasted for free.

Come on, Mr. Busthead, wake up.

Come on. Come on.

Mr. Busthead, like I told ya,

I don't want your championship.

It was nice of you
to offer to help us.

Come on. Come on.

Mr. Busthead, I want
you to meet my pa.

Busthead Brannigan,
this is my pa.

No, over here.

Mr. Busthead.

Champion!

He's a real fine feller.

Well, champ, have you
any conceivable idea

of the seriousness of
the situation we're in?

Serious?

Pa, you still think Johnny
and Hamp are in trouble?

I don't think it, I know it.

You mean shanghaied?

Yes, I mean shanghaied.

Dad-burnit, let's tear
this dang town apart then.

We'll do no such thing.

We're not gonna invite trouble

unless it's forced on us.

And that goes for
you two particularly.

Well, don't stand there making

a spectacle of yourself.

Go get your clothes on.

Get your shirt on.

Mr. Busthead, it was a
real pleasure meetin' you.

You'll be a great champion.

Mr. Hoss, Mr. Hoss,

#3 cousin, he
like to talk to you.

Ain't it something?

Ol' Hop Sing's relative bein'
so dang glad to meet me?

Why not? He win $100 on fight!

You ought be careful. Huh?

Cousin say everybody
on Barbary Coast talk

about man and two son.

Say they ask too many question.

Everybody's in cahoots.

I don't see how we're ever
gonna find out anything.

Well, we won't find out
anything if the three of us keep

barging in like we're
gonna tear the place apart.

We used to do it that way.

Well, it won't work now.

Now you two boys, you get back

to the hotel and you stay there.

And don't move until
you hear from me.

I'm gonna see what
I can find out alone.

Hey, Pa, don't you think we
ought to go along with you?

No, I don't.

If I find out anything, I'll
send Hop Sing for you.

Pa, you stay out of
trouble, you hear?

You make sure you listen to
your own advice, young man.

You, too. Come on.

Sure hope Pa knows
what he's doing.

Don't you worry about Pa.

He knows what he's doing.

You boys wait here.

Fine-looking place
you have here.

Thank you. We try to keep it up.

If it isn't too much bother,

could you make me a
brandy squash, please?

No bother at all.
That's what I'm here for.

Thank you.

There you are.

Thank you.

Now there's a surprise!

What's the matter?
Something wrong?

Wrong? Why, this is the finest

brandy squash I've
ever tasted in my life.

And I've tasted
them all the way from

New York to Chicago
to New Orleans.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

It's an art,
bartending. It's an art.

Not many men
have the talent for it.

Tell me, did you ever
work in New Orleans?

No, can't say as I have.

Ah, too bad.

A man with your talent could
demand any wage he asked for.

Yes, sir.

Fine profession, bartending.

And you meet a mighty
lot of interesting people.

All kinds.

No doubt about it.

Yes, I can imagine. I, uh,

wager that with
drinks like this,

practically everybody
in town drops in here

one time or another.

Well, we, we get our share.

I have two friends in town
I just gotta bring in here

and show 'em what a
good drink really tastes like.

Say, I wonder if they've
been in here already.

Well, I got a pretty
good memory for faces.

A couple of cowboys.

They work up on a
ranch in the Sierras.

Drove a herd of
cattle into town.

Uh, let's, let's see now.

You say, um... I want
to get this straight...

You say that there
were two of them?

That's right.

Those two are inseparable.

Two of the best
hands I ever had.

Well, hello.

My name is Alexander Pendleton.

I'm the proprietor
of this establishment.

I don't believe I've
had the pleasure

of seeing you in here before.

No, no, I think not.

My name is Ben Cartwright.

I've just been
complimenting your bartender

on the excellence of his drinks.

Well, that's very kind of you.

Uh, why don't we go
down to the end of the bar?

It'll be quieter,
more comfortable.

All right.

Over in the corner's better.

Thanks. You say your,
your name is Pendleton?

Yes, Alexander Pendleton.

Would you care
for another drink?

Well, thank you.

Bartender? Yes, sir?

A real squash this time.

For the road.

Boss, are you sure you
know what you're doing?

Haven't you had enough
trouble with those two cowboys

you bought from Cut-Rate Joe?

That's their boss you just
dropped through the floor!

I need three more men

to fill out Captain
Shark's crew.

And I don't prefer to buy
them from Cut-Rate Joe.

Oh, boss...

And if you're thinking of
asking for a raise, don't!

The man was lying to you.

You make the
worst drinks in town.

Hoss, I'm getting worried.

They've been gone over an hour.

Yeah. I'll tell you
one thing, Little Joe.

If we don't hear
from Hop Sing or Pa

within the next 15 minutes,

I'm just about ready
to go down there

and tear this dang Barbary
Coast apart board for board.

Where's Pa?

Not sure.

What do you mean
you're not sure?

Where'd you leave him?

Mr. Cartwright
tell Hop Sing wait.

Hop Sing wait long time.

Mr. Cartwright no come back.

Hop Sing worry.
Come see you boys.

Hop Sing, you shouldn't
ought to done that.

Pa comes out of there,
and you ain't there,

what's he gonna do?

#5 cousin wait.

Little Joe, you don't reckon
anything's wrong with Pa?

Pa? Don't worry. He
can take care of himself.

Boss!

Mr. Cartwright.

Hamp, Johnny,
you boys all right?

Yeah, all right.

How did they get you in here?

You'd never believe it.

After me telling the
boys to stay out of trouble.

I know what you mean.

If Johnny hadn't wanted
to buy that silk for his wife,

we, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Well, never mind
about that now, Hamp.

The point is how, how
can we get out of this mess?

There's nothing we can do.

You raise a fuss,

they come in and
beat you over the head.

I've got some fine
sailors for you, Captain.

Excellent, excellent.

That sounds like
that Mr. Pendleton.

Well, you promised me
six. There are only three.

You got to give me time.

I need those men!

My ship sails at midnight.

Mr. Pendleton!

Excuse me.

I want to make a deal with you!

A deal, Mr. Cartwright?

I don't know what you
expect to get for us,

but whatever it is, I'll
pay you twice that amount

if you let us out of here.

Twice?

Fair enough?

Oh, no, you don't. A
contract is a contract.

You agreed to give me six men.

So I did.

An interesting
offer, Mr. Cartwright,

but due to circumstances
beyond my control...

Three times the going price!

A contract is a contract

if you want my
business in the future.

As you say, a
contract is a contract.

Good.

The one who's
talking, he isn't drunk.

Perhaps he just
holds his liquor well.

You know my principles!

Don't want him, huh?

The two sailors, yes,
the sober one, no.

Unless you get me four
more men within the hour,

I'll take my business
to Cut-Rate Joe.

All right, boys, come get them.

Mr. Cartwright, I
feel pretty lowdown

about all this.

Well, John, it's, it's my fault
for not keeping us all together.

All right, come on. Let's go.

Why you...!

Don't do it, Mr. Cartwright!

You'll just be getting
a beating for nothing.

Believe me, it's best.

All right, come on!

Boys, we'll, we'll get
out of this somehow.

My boys are bound to
be looking for me now.

No, no, no, not that one.

The captain turned
him down cold.

Come on. Let's go!

Have any luck?

Not a dad-burned bit.

Hoss, I'm getting worried.

Yeah, me, too.

I'm getting just
about ready to tear

this dad-blamed town apart.

Come on, Little Joe.

I, uh, I brought you
something to eat.

Well, I'm not hungry.

Well, you better be.

You know, Shanghai Pete

is pretty mad about not
being able to sell you.

Shanghai Pete? Is that what

that Mr. Pendleton
calls himself?

Well, you got it wrong end to...

Shanghai Pete sometimes
calls himself "Mr. Pendleton."

Ah, Mr. Pendleton.

You better eat this.

Well, it's all right.

It ain't got no, no
knockout drops in it.

You're real quality, ain't you?

What?

Oh, what I mean is we don't
get your kind in here often.

Mostly drunks...

Sailors and farmers and
cowboys like them other two.

Well, I'll have you know

that them other two are two of
the finest men I've ever known.

Just because they happened

to go out on a
little celebration.

It wasn't a little one.

It was a real good one.

I don't know why
men have to act up so.

It just gets 'em in trouble.

I wish someday
I'd find just one man

who wasn't always
wanting to get into trouble.

Oh, well.

Uh, uh, wait a minute.

Um, don't go.

Why not?

Sit down.

What's your name?

Kathleen.

Kathleen. Well, that's a...
that's a right pretty name.

I think so.

Your name is Ben
Cartwright, ain't it?

Kathleen, tell me, what...

what's a nice girl like you
doing in a place like this?

Ain't that funny.

So many men have asked
me the same question.

And I've given it
a lot of thought.

And I think the reason
is, I like the money.

Well, you're certainly
an honest sort.

You think so, really?

Oh, yeah.

Why are you surprised?

I don't know,
sometimes, you know,

you can't just trust everybody.

Well, Kathleen, I trust you.

Oh, I was sort of
hoping you would.

Kathleen, now tell me...
If this Shanghai Pete,

or Mr. Pendleton, or
whatever his name is,

if he sells me, do you
get anything out of it?

No, I don't, not a penny.

Well, wouldn't you like to?

Oh, yes, I would.

I've been asking to
be put on commission.

Kathleen, if you
help me out of here...

Mercy no.

I have the money.

Well, I don't see how you could.

The men who brought you in
here picked your pocket first.

I mean, I don't have it with me.

But I own a ranch.

I can get all the money I
want without any trouble.

Oh...

How much?

If you help me get out of here

and tell me where I can find
the other two men... $500.

$500?!

$500.

You wouldn't back out?

Oh, I give you my word.

The money's at my hotel.

If you help me get out of here,

you get the $500.

You know something,
Mr. Cartwright?

What?

I was thinking about
getting you out of here

the minute I came in?

You'll help me then, Kathleen?

I'll be back in a little while.

Ah!

Dad-burnit, Joe,
this ain't no good.

I know.

It ain't gettin' us no place.

Look, you go on
down to the corner.

See if Hop Sing
knows anything new.

If he doesn't, come on back,

and the two of us'll
take this place apart.

That's what we should
have done in the first place.

My temper's on
a short fuse, Joe.

I can just feel it.

Well, you're not alone,
brother. Hurry up.

Hop Sing, Hop Sing,
you heard anything new?

Very bad news.

What do you mean?

#5 cousin, he see
Mr. Ben go in saloon.

No see Mr. Ben come out.

What saloon?

That one on other corner.

Hop Sing, are you right sure?

Very sure.

Have more bad news.

#6 cousin, he work on dock.

He say ship shorthanded.

No can sail.

Ship now ready.

Hop Sing think maybe
Mr. Johnny, Mr. Hamp

no longer cowboys.

Is sailorman now.

Hop Sing think maybe
Mr. Ben sailorman, too.

Mr. Hoss, where you go?

I'm going over to that
Wide-A-Bee Saloon.

You better wait for Little Joe.

You only one man.

Yeah, well, that ain't
but one saloon, is it?

Mister, I want me
some information...

I want it straight
and I want it quick.

Now, mister, you
better get to talking.

Otherwise, I'm gonna
twist your geezle pipe out.

My pa was seen
coming into this saloon

and he wasn't seen coming out.

Now where is he?!

You two better just
stand right where you are.

Otherwise, you're
gonna be waking up

with somebody tapping
you in the face with a spade.

Now, mister...

I'm looking for Ben Cartwright

and two of my best friends.

Here, here, what's
going on in here?

What is this?

Mister, you're gonna
find out what it is

if I don't get me some
information and quick.

Well, now is this
any way to get it?

This is a respectable
establishment, son.

I'm the proprietor...
Alexander Pendleton.

Have I had the pleasure of
seeing you in here before?

Don't make no difference
whether you have or not.

I want me some answers.

Now, son, please try
to calm yourself down.

Now what is it you want?

I want my pa.

His name's Ben Cartwright,
and two of his ranch hands.

Then why all the shouting?

I talked to Mr. Cartwright
just a short time ago.

Told him where he
could find his men.

Mister, are you
telling me the truth?

Now why would I have
any reason to lie to you?

Won't you please
put that thing away?

I have a reputation
to maintain here.

That's better.

Don't you forget, I can
draw it out again right quick.

Laddie buck, I'm
only trying to help you.

Do you want to hear
about your father or not?

I reckon I did get
a little too excited.

But, dad-burnit, I've
been worried plumb sick.

Well, now why don't you
try to calm yourself down.

Everything's all right.

Here, why don't we come
down here at the end of the bar

where it's quiet, and relax.

Have a drink.

Bartender.

What'll you have?

I'll have a beer if it's
all the same to you, sir.

Down the hatch? Yes.

A fine piece of merchandise.

Here, matey, let
me give you a hand.

Oh, well, thank you, matey.

I can't swim!

Well, now this is going to
be real interesting, ain't it?

I got a funny feeling

like you was standing
out here waiting for me

to fall down through
that hole in the floor.

No, no, no...

I'm getting a stranger feeling

that I ain't the only
member of my family

that's been down
through that hole tonight.

No! Oh, no.

You seen a man with gray hair

and dark eyes and a deep voice?

I can't remember.

You better start
remembering, buster.

'Cause I'm a cowboy,
I ain't no sailor.

And I like dry land.

There's one way I can
get it that I can think of

and that's holding you under

till you drink all the
water in this bay!

You starting to remember?

Yeah, I do, yeah, yeah.

That's real good.

You just took the first step
to establishing the basis

of a friendship
between me and you.

Now where's my pa?

We'd better hurry.

They'll be back in a minute.

Kathleen, I'll never
forget you for this.

Oh, I believe that.

Here. Here, a friend of mine.

Remember, you promised
to help me find my men.

Oh, you'll find them.

Kathleen, what is this?

Explain to them.

Well, Cut-Rate Joe,
let's get down to business.

But you work for Mr. Pendleton!

I work where I make a buck.

Looks sound of wind and limb.

You know me...
High-class merchandise.

Don't do that, Mr. Cartwright.

You're worthless if
you're all battered up.

Double-crossing witch.

Well Quick-Buck Katie, how
much do you want for him?

100 bucks.

$100? I offered you $500.

And then turn me into
the police afterwards?

Oh, I know the
likes of your kind.

150 bucks. The
price has gone up.

Oh, come now Quick-Buck,
you know better than that.

This is stolen merchandise.

This is carriage
trade, and you know it.

Double-crossing
rats, the lot of you.

He won't be too
easy to turn over.

I'll have to buy
him new clothes.

The overhead is
eating me up, Katie.

All right, I'll
make it half price.

$75 and it's a deal.

But only because I've
got to get back to the store

before I'm missed.

Quick-Buck, you're a
thief and you know it.

But I do need the merchandise.

Oh, quiet,
Mr. Cartwright, quiet.

You'll see your crew...

That's what you want, ain't it?

See you later, Cut-Rate.

Have a pleasant
trip, Mr. Cartwright.

All right, boys, let's see
what we can do with him.

Nobody come in this
room but Quick-Buck Kate.

She brought
Cartwright his supper.

Oh, hello, sweetie.

Don't "sweetie" me,
you little double-crosser.

You sold Cartwright to Cut-Rate.

But, darlin', only because

it was costing you
money to keep him.

All that good food.

And especially if you
couldn't sell him quick.

Now don't do that.

I wouldn't cheat
you, sweetheart,

now would I?

I'm not so sure.

Little Katie wouldn't hold
out on Shanghai Pete.

Here you are.

See?

$25? Is that all
you got for him?

Captain Shark already
turned him down.

And Cut-Rate Joe's
gonna be stuck with him.

Now, now, you're not mad
at little Katie now, are you?

Lucky for you, you
caught me in a good mood.

Besides, I've got
another Cartwright.

And is he a beauty.

A live one, a real live one.

All right, bring him in, boys.

I don't see my pa. Where is he?

Now, now, wait a minute,
laddie, wait a minute.

Your dad isn't here.

Where's my pa?!

Now listen, Cut-Rate...

I'm a lover not a fighter.

Where's my pa at?!

Hop Sing.

All right, take it easy, relax.

Relax. Relax. Relax.

Relax. Now what happened?

Mr. Hoss, he go in saloon,
long time no come out.

Hop Sing go in saloon,
no see Mr. Hoss.

Something happen Mr. Hoss, too.

What saloon?

Forget it. I know.

You take your
dirty hands off me!

I'll blow your head off!

Hey, Joe, that ain't
no way to treat a lady.

Well, you know, brother,
I think you're right.

Oh!

As I told you, I've
seen this man before

and turned him down.

Not at this price, Captain.

Only $100.

I'm letting him
go at a sacrifice

because I'm after
your future business.

Besides, your ship
sails at midnight.

Cut-Rate Joe, you
know my principles.

I'm a fair man and
a temperance man.

I'm not offering you a drink.

I'm offering you a sailor.

I'm not a sailor.

Sir, I do not approve of
the practice of shanghaiing.

Then what are you
doing with two of my men?

I would not resort to it,

except I find myself
so often shorthanded.

Oh, what kind of
an excuse is that?

Sir, I have dedicated my life to
stamping out the evils of drink.

It is abominable.

Any man who is so drunk

that he doesn't know
what's happening to him

deserves to be shanghaied.

This man is perfectly
sober. I can't use him.

Well, thank you, Captain.

I can't say I agree with
all of your principals, but...

Take a smell, Captain.

The reek of demon
rum is nauseating to me.

This man is obviously
drunk. I'll take him.

All right, boys.

All right, what's
your part in this?

Honestly, I just
happened to be walking by.

Well, you just better happen

to start remembering
a few more things.

Oh. Now, laddie.

You wouldn't be harming
little me, would you?

That's such a beautiful arm.

It'd be a shame to tear it off.

No. Oh, no. Start talking.

I don't know what
you want to know.

We want to know about a
man named Ben Cartwright.

Oh, I don't know.

I sold him.

Sold him? You sold him?

Where?

To Cut-Rate Joe.

Down the street in
Embarcadero Alley.

You sold our pa?

Yes.

How much did you get for him?

Oh, Hoss, for Pete's sake, who
cares how much she got for him?

Let's get down to
this Cut-Rate Joe's

before Pa and the boys
are on their way to China.

Let me get my hat.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hop Sing!

Little Joe, Mr. Hoss,
this Cousin #3.

He see Mr. Ben. They
take Mr. Ben away on ship.

Okay.

You follow me. Come.

All right.

Don't fight it, Mr. Cartwright.
Just ain't no use.

If Johnny hadn't wanted
to buy some silk for his wife,

we wouldn't be in this mess.

Well, we've been in worse messes

back at the Ponderosa.

We've always been
able to get out of them.

I know it.

My heart just ain't in it.

Well, my heart is in it.

And after what I've been
through, a ship and 40 sailors

is beginning to
look pretty small.

Captain!

Captain!

I demand to see your captain!

Come on, now!

Where's your captain?

I want to see you!

Sailor, in the future, if you
want to see me, you come to me.

Don't send for
me. It isn't done.

Oh, it isn't, isn't it?
Well, you listen to me.

Have you ever heard of mutiny?

Mutiny? Why, you're
worse than a pirate.

You and your high principles
and your temperance.

I'll see to it that your
license is revoked

on every sea in the
face of this earth.

Just who do you think you are?

I'm Ben Cartwright
of the Ponderosa.

The Ponderosa?

The Ponderosa.

I know her well, Captain.

A four-masted schooner
out of New Orleans.

The Ponderosa is a ranch.

A ranch?

I always wanted a
little chicken ranch.

There's a place
up in Santa Rosa.

Now, I'm an American citizen.

I know my rights on
board of every ship.

Take Mr. Ben on that ship.

I have enough men
in those mountains

to sink every
ship in this harbor

and so help me, I'll do it.

That's our pa's voice.
Music to my ears.

Just like a bugle
call saying, "Charge."

Let's go.

You keep a civil tongue...

Avast, you lubbers,
we're being boarded!

Hey, Pa, where you been hiding?

Huh? Where you been hiding?

Hang on to him, Hoss.

All the way, Hop Sing.

No. No, son. No, son.

Pa, I thought I told you
to stay out of trouble.

Well, it took you fellas
long enough to find me.

Here, son.

Thanks, Pa.

Hoss?

I'd a durn sight
rather rather eat it, Pa.

I know.

Pa, how much did that little
redheaded gal get for you?

I wouldn't tell him, Pa.

If she did get enough, we
might want to sell you back.

If she didn't get enough,

you wouldn't want to
admit it, would you?

Very funny.

Come in.

Hi. Hi.

Here are your
clothes, Mr. Cartwright.

Oh. How'd you get them?

We had a little business left
to finish with Cut-Rate Joe.

Yes, I see that.

You know what that
little weasel was doing?

He's going back into business.

Secondhand clothes.

He was trying
to sell our outfits.

Come in.

Mr. Johnny, have
surprise for you.

#7 Cousin in silk business.

Make you present.

One bolt fine China
silk for your wife.

Gee, I sure would like to
have me a courting shirt

made out of that.

I wouldn't do it, Hamp.

Silk can get a man in
a whole lot of trouble.

Well, at least we're
all together again.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks,
Boss, for everything.

And tomorrow morning,
bright and early,

we're going to start out on a
little vacation. How 'bout it?

Oh, Pa, I'd just as soon we
went back to the Ponderosa.

Well, you're the
one who was yelling

about getting a vacation.

I know, I know. But a vacation's
time for a change, isn't it?

Yes.

Well, I think I got my change.

Well, Pa, if it's all
the same to you,

there's a little den of
wildcats on the Ponderosa

I think I'd rather tangle with

than any more
of these city folks.

You mean, you want
to go back to work?

I reckon I do,
Pa... and that way,

we can let ol' Adam
have a vacation.

Well, all right, then.

Tomorrow morning,
bright and early,

we'll head back
to the Ponderosa.

Hop Sing have one
more big surprise.

#9 Cousin is cook
in hotel dining room.

Hop Sing help fix
special fine supper.

Oyster. Champagne.

Steak.

Hey! What are we waiting
for? Let's get cleaned up.

We'll get down to the
dining room. Come on.

Oh, no. You stay right here.

Hop Sing bring up. You
no leave the hotel room.

You go Barbary
Coast, very dangerous.

Hit, slice, kick,
push, shanghai.

You know, I think he's
got something there at that.

Hey, Pa? Sure enough,

how much did that
little gal get for you?

You'll never know.