Bonanza (1959–1973): Season 1, Episode 1 - A Rose for Lotta - full transcript
The widower Ben Cartwright is running a huge cattle ranch in Nevada called the Ponderosa. He has been married thrice, and has an adult son with each of the three wives. Adam is the oldest of them, Hoss the biggest, and Little Joe the youngest and cutest. In nearby Virginia City three mine owners are in great need of more wood to be able to build tunnels to new bonanzas. Ben Cartwright has much wood on his ranch, but refuses to cut it down. The mine owners get the idea to hire a famous actress, Lotta Crabtree, who could lure Little Joe to Virginia City, where they can hold him as a hostage. If Ben Cartwright still refuses to sell any wood to them, they will kill his son.
Look at it, Adam.
Feast thine eyes on a sight
that approacheth Heaven itself.
You been to a lot of places
and you've seen
a lot of things, Pa.
But you've never seen
or been to Heaven.
Well, maybe I've
never been to Heaven,
maybe I'm never
going to get the chance,
but Heaven is going
to have to go some
to beat the thousand square
miles of the Ponderosa.
As long as it's ours.
As long as we keep
it in Cartwright hands.
Know anyone who could
take it away from us, son?
I know those who would try.
That Virginia City bunch, if
we gave them half a chance.
Now, where's Little Joe?
He's supposed to
have met us here.
I want a report of those cattle
he was supposed to bring
down from the north end.
Oh, you'll get it, son.
You, uh, might have to wait
until he's ready
to give it to you.
I want that report now.
Well, maybe, the best thing
for you to do is go find him.
I intend to do just that, Pa.
Hoss'll know where he is.
Adam... Remember,
he's your brother.
Well, brother or not, I
expect him to do his share,
same as the rest of us.
He's a boy, son.
Not a man, like you.
Only thing wrong
with him: he's young.
Well, young or not,
he's still a Cartwright.
Whoa.
Abner, you stand real
still now, you hear?
You listen to Hoss.
Fidgeting and fussing
around here like that.
Gonna throw you plumb
into the next county.
You think I can't do it, mister,
you just keep on that juggling.
Be flying through the
air like you was more
a prairie hen than
you are a horse.
He giving you any trouble, Hoss?
Aw, Pa...
You know there ain't no four-legged
animal could give me any trouble.
Oh, I know that, son.
No, any two-legged
one, either, for that matter.
I don't know. I remember
one little two-legged animal...
Didn't weigh an ounce
over a hundred pounds,
red hair and all... she didn't
give me nothing but trouble.
Well, I wasn't thinking
of any girl, son.
I was thinking of
your younger brother.
Little Joe?
Mm-hmm.
Adam's up at the
house talking to him now.
You got nothin' better
to do than play with that?
Never know when I
might want to use it.
What chance you going to have
to use an epee out
here in the West?
What I always say
is, older brother,
if a man ever gets that
chance, he'd best be ready for it.
Stand still when
I'm talking to you.
You're a Cartwright. Do
you know what that means?
No, older brother, I'm
waiting for you to tell me.
All right, I'll tell you.
It means you're
supposed to be a man now,
fit to do a man's work.
It means you got part
of the responsibility
of running this ranch, same
as Pa and Hoss and me.
If I didn't think I could
handle it same as you, I'd quit.
And how do you expect
to do it with that, uh,
New Orleans monkey pick
you got handed down to you
by your French Quarter mother?
If you weren't my brother,
Adam, I'd kill you for that.
Well, any time you're
ready, Little Joe,
you can just forget
all about us being kin.
Well, you know, that'll be easy.
'Cause I've never been
able to see myself being kin
to anything whelped
out of a thin-nosed,
blue-blooded Boston Yankee!
Oh...
You want to fight me,
Adam, you make a fist!
Fire and brimstone!
Stop that fighting!
Hoss, make them stop.
Put an end to this
shame, this disgrace!
Pa, they don't hear you.
They don't mean no disrespect.
It's just they're working off
a little extra steam, that's all.
But don't you worry
none, I'll stop 'em.
All right, you boys had
enough fun for one day.
Let's call it quits.
In case you didn't hear me,
I said this play acting business
is over, and I mean right now.
Now, you stay out of this, Hoss.
This is between me
and older brother here!
Now, Little Joe, you
better quit before I get mad.
Yeah, he'll quit,
all right, Hoss.
He hasn't the guts to take
any man-sized punishment.
Sons, don't we
have enough to fight?
Must we fight amongst ourselves?
Why don't you
tell that to him, Pa?
If you can get anything
through that rockbound,
New England head of his.
Son, are you all right?
You're not hurt, lad?
I guess the only way to hurt me,
Pa, is to kill me.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm sorry I raised
my hand to you.
Oh, go on, son.
It's your brother
asking your forgiveness.
All I ask is for him
to do his share.
We're running the Ponderosa,
not playing with an epee.
And that means bringing
a thousand head of cattle
down from the pastures
to the bottomland.
Those cattle, every
last head of them,
have been grazing in
bottomland since this morning.
Don't you josh
with me, Little Joe.
Oh, well, that'd be the day
anybody tried to josh with you,
you Yankee granite-head.
Joe...
You're telling the truth about
those thousand head of cattle?
Pa, you know he's
telling the truth.
He ain't no liar, Pa.
That the truth, Little Joe?
That's the truth.
How many heads you
lose on the way down?
Nary one.
Nary...?
Do you hear that, Adam?
A thousand head of prime
stock down from the high pasture
and he loses nary a one!
Well, Joe, that's...
that's wonderful.
I only did what any poor
boy out of New Orleans
would've done without
even thinking about it.
Well, I, uh... I
didn't know, I'm...
I'm sorry.
Hop Sing!
Where the devil you hiding,
you celestial sky gazer?!
You got four hungry men here
want to know what's for dinner!
Yell! Yell! Why you all
the time have to yell?
Why do I have to yell?!
I go. I go away, now.
Hop Sing! Wait a minute!
Hop Sing! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Hop Sing. You...
You can't do that.
Why, if you left here, I'd
waste away to a shadow.
You know that.
You tell the old
man he speak soft.
Not yell, then
maybe Hop Sing stay.
Pa... I'm powerful hungry.
I ain't had but a couple or
three breakfasts since morning.
Besides, Pa, you
know as well as I do
ol' Hop Sing's the best dang
cook this side of San Francisco.
Why don't you go ahead
and apologize to him?
Go on, Pa.
Hoss is right.
He's right, Pa.
We never knew what cooking
was like till Hop Sing come here.
Pa, I sure am hungry, Pa.
And I can smell dinner.
Hop Sing, very sorry.
Very, very sorry.
Get a very good dinner.
Roast pig. Roast pig?
Did you say "roast
pig," Hop Sing?
Roast pig, very good.
Pa, in all your born days
did you ever taste anything
that could match o"
Hop Sing's roast pig?
Hoss, you gonna be
able to last till dinner?
Well, it ain't
gonna be easy, Pa.
If I don't get something
to eat pretty soon,
I'm liable to just lay
down right here and die.
Uh-huh, well, before
anyone lays down and dies,
let's remember there's still some
work to do down at the corral.
Just so happens, this
ranch don't run by itself.
Ha!
You don't think very highly
of our plan, do you, Hooper?
Look, Troy, this
isn't my idea...
Scheming with an actress.
You know what I'd like to do.
Everything all
right, Miss Brown?
Take the Ponderosa by storm.
You know what
that would cost us?
Oh, hang the expense.
All I want is to get rid of that
Cartwright bunch
once and for all.
Well, I wasn't speaking of
the cost in money, Hooper.
I was speaking of the
cost in human lives.
Yes. What are you
planning on using, Hooper?
The United States Cavalry?
The last time we
planned an expedition
to take the Ponderosa, it
cost us over a dozen lives.
Cartwright can assemble
200 of their mounted men
within an hour if they have to.
Up there in that
empire they control,
their position's impregnable.
As Garvey says, we
couldn't get at them
with anything less
than the U.S. Cavalry.
All I know is that the
Yellow Jacket needs
a million board feet of
timber a year to keep going.
Well, the Gould &
Curry, my dear Hooper,
requires three
million feet a year.
I've a 12-foot-wide
vein of pure silver
I can't even explore for
lack of shoring timber.
I don't think I
have to remind you
of the seriousness
of our problem.
Well, I can tell you this.
Unless I get timber, I'm
out of the mining business.
If old Ben would only agree
to sell us what we need, I...
I'd be willing to pay
any price he'd ask.
Well, to old Ben Cartwright,
a tree is something
sacred. Yeah.
Something money can't buy.
That's ridiculous.
Money can buy anything.
Can it, Aaron?
You, nor any of us,
couldn't make the Cartwrights
sell us one more sapling
than they wanted to.
Troy, do you think
this girl can really do it?
This girl, as you put
it... Miss Lotta Crabtree...
Is one of the most
renowned actresses
and beauties of our time.
Conceivably, she might succeed
where the United
States Cavalry might fail.
Yes, but... just by bringing
one of his boys to town?
By putting into our hands
the one thing that would make
Ben Cartwright sell
us his trees: a son.
Stay with him, Adam!
Oh, stay with him, Adam!
That's a boy!
Stay with him, now!
Not so much spur, Adam!
Easy on his mouth, Adam!
He's about as spooky as a
fella about to get himself married!
All right, Thunder!
You're all right, boy!
You're all right,
Adam? I'm all right.
Let me go.
I guess I had that one coming.
That's too good a
piece of horseflesh
to ruin by bringing
along too fast.
What's that carriage
doing on the Ponderosa?
Hiyah!
Those fools, they
should've known better!
Hiyah!
Come on! Hey!
Come on!
Get in there!
Hiyah!
Do you know where you are?
Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. Cartwright.
Put those hands up.
If you put 'em down
before you're told,
you're dead, mister.
If you know who I am, then you
know you're on the Ponderosa.
I'm sorry about that,
but then I guess I must've
got lost tracking over them hills.
Don't you kowtow to him, driver.
Unless you want to answer to me.
The idea, the very idea,
of shooting at innocent,
unarmed people,
and in broad daylight...
Why, if I had realized
that this is the way
they treat people
in Virginia City,
I never would have come here.
Well, this is not
Virginia City, ma'am.
You're on the Ponderosa.
The Ponderosa? What's that?
The Ponderosa, ma'am.
That's the home place
of the Cartwrights.
They got just about the
biggest spread in the country.
This here is Ben Cartwright
and these is his sons.
And we don't cotton to
strangers, male or female.
What's your business here?
My business?
Am I still in United
States territory?
Well, that you are, ma'am,
but I wouldn't go
trading on it too much
if I was you.
Well, you're not me.
And I wish you'd put
that awful thing down.
Yes'm.
And what's the matter with you?
Haven't you ever
seen a lady before?
No, ma'am.
I mean, not such a pretty one.
Not in a long time.
You're still pointing that
gun at me, you know.
I might still intend to use it.
Put it away, son.
Maybe they really
did lose their way.
Well, as long as they
get off the Ponderosa.
It appears we're going
to need some help
if you expect us to
honor that request.
I'll be happy to oblige, ma'am.
Well, it's a... it's a relief
to know that even here
a lady can expect
help from a gentleman.
Little Joe, I think
maybe the lady
would like a nice, cool drink
after traveling around
in the dust and heat.
The lady happens to
have a name, gentlemen.
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Ah, you mean the famous actress?
I mean the very same.
I'll be knee-high
to a prairie dog.
Lotta Crabtree!
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Yes'm. Yes, ma'am.
Little Joe,
take Miss Crabtree
up to the house.
Let her rest herself,
while we put this fool
carriage of hers together again.
You expect me
to ride this horse?
Well, it's either that, ma'am,
or walk a mile to the house.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Well, you know, I didn't
need any help, older brother.
I wasn't helping
you, younger brother.
I swear...
Adam, you reckon you going
to get this thing fixed today?
You'd like to try? If I did,
who'd hold this wagon up?
All right, try that wheel again.
See if it'll turn. Bring her in.
Yes, sir.
Yeah! All right, now.
Get her out of here.
Before we lose our patience
and string you to
the nearest tree.
Yes, sir.
But what about the
lady, Miss Crabtree?
How long's it take to get
a gal a cool drink of water?
Yeah, talking about
something to drink,
if I don't get something
to eat pretty soon,
I'm liable to get
plumb dangerous.
What in thunder
are you trying to say?
Roast pig, all dried up.
Why you no come eat?
Because we had
something better to do.
You don't mean it's
ruined, Hop Sing?
All dry up. Throw away.
Throw away?
Hop Sing invite
lady eat roast pig.
She say, "Thank you very much."
But she have to
go Virginia City.
Virginia City?
Crazy Little Joe.
He didn't agree to take her?
Take best buggy, too.
She very pretty
lady, very pretty.
Not alone.
Mister, you got just one minute
to tell us all you
know about it.
I swear, I don't know
nothing, Mr. Cartwright.
That minute's running out fast.
Who sent you up
to the Ponderosa?
Nobody. I mean I was just hired
to drive the lady up
around these hills.
Was it Alpheus Troy?
Was it Alpheus Troy hired you?
Talk, man, while there's
still a tongue in your head.
I couldn't help
myself, Mr. Cartwright.
I couldn't say no to Troy.
I just couldn't help myself!
How much did he pay you?
Alone.
He went into that town alone.
Anyone care to ride
into Virginia City with me?
Hoss!
Not into Virginia City, not yet.
That's exactly what they want.
Just the four Cartwrights.
Well... we'll ride in.
But we'll have a hundred
men riding in after us
in the morning if
we haven't returned.
Alert the men from
the North Valley.
Adam!
You ride out to the settlers
on the Tahoe rim.
I'll take care of the
men at the sawmill.
Soon as we're through,
we'll ride into Virginia City.
I'll be waiting for
you in the Sazerac.
Hop Sing,
if we don't get back
by morning, kill him.
Ho!
I think we better
let him rest, ma'am.
We don't want to get
him all tuckered out.
I see.
It's very considerate of you
to drive me, Mr. Cartwright.
Oh, most people hereabouts
just call me Little Joe.
Little Joe?
Well, you're not that small.
Oh, it's not that, ma'am.
It's my brother,
Hoss, is that big.
Yes, he is.
But what kind of a name
is that for a man... Hoss?
Oh, he had some other
name when he was born.
Then when he
weighed in at 50 pounds
when he was just a
couple of months old,
well, people just
forgot the other name
and started calling him Hoss.
50 pounds at a couple of months?
Now, that's impossible.
Impossible, ma'am?
I don't think you'd say that if
you could've seen Hoss' mother.
Isn't she your mother, too?
Who, that big gal?
Oh, no.
Why, Pa says she stood six
feet tall in her stockinged feet,
and could punch like a mule.
That's how Pa met her.
She threw him two out of
three times in a wrestling match.
Oh, she didn't! No.
No, she was a real
beautiful woman.
Came from Sweden.
Pa said she was like
a clean, fresh sunrise.
I'm sure she was.
Your father was married twice?
Oh, more than that, ma'am.
More than that?
Yeah, older brother, Adam.
He's from Pa's first wife.
She was the daughter of a
New England sea captain.
Imagine my pa being
married to a Yankee.
What's so wrong about a Yankee?
Ma'am, if you
don't already know,
guess ain't no use
in my telling you.
Mr. Cartwright?
When will we ever
get to Virginia City?
Almost before
you know it, ma'am.
Hiyah, come on!
Gentlemen.
The spider has
just snagged the fly.
Troy, do you, uh, you
think Miss Crabtree
would appreciate
being called a spider?
As long as she collects
her fee of $10,000
for this special performance,
I don't think she cares
what she's called.
Buggy's yours, ma'am, for as
long as you stay in Virginia City.
Oh, that's most
gallant of you, Little Joe.
Hope you didn't mind
the ride too much, ma'am.
I loved it.
Fastest 20 miles
I've ever experienced.
You will stay for my
performance, won't you?
I don't know what
could keep me away.
I'll look for you
from the stage.
After the show, could
we have dinner together?
After the show, you ask me then.
Now, you know what
you're going to do.
Right.
Oh, Miss Crabtree.
This is indeed a pleasure.
You sent for me, Mr. Troy?
I'd have come to you, but
I was afraid I couldn't
crowd my colleagues
in that cramped,
little dressing room.
Uh, Miss Crabtree,
I want you to meet
Aaron Hooper of
the Yellow Jacket.
How do you do?
Mr. George Garvey of the Diablo.
My pleasure, gentlemen.
Your fame is worldwide.
Won't you sit down, please?
Oh, well, thank you.
Might I add, so is yours.
Oh, by the way, congratulations.
Congratulations? For what?
My performance
isn't until later.
Well, let's say
for bringing that young
man into Virginia City.
Oh, was that so difficult?
Did you have any doubts?
It isn't easy to get a
Cartwright to do anything.
It was just one young man.
Didn't you think I
was woman enough
to persuade one young
man to do my bidding?
Oh, enough to do
all that, I'm sure.
And more.
But you see, Miss Crabtree,
our task isn't quite finished.
What is there left
to do, Mr. Troy?
We want you to
persuade that young man
to accompany you
to your hotel rooms,
after this evening's
performance, of course.
Of course.
How interesting and how unusual.
Uh, what do I do
then, make love to him?
No, uh, just keep him there.
Talk to him.
Do anything, but keep him there.
He's such a boy.
What shall we talk about?
Talk about his blasted trees.
They've got more than
a million of them up there
on the Ponderosa
and we want them.
Trees?
You want trees?
I thought you
were all silver kings.
Trees spell timber.
And we need
timber, Miss Crabtree,
desperately, to
keep our mines going.
You see, the deeper the
veins go into the Earth,
the richer, the
purer the silver.
But without timber,
millions of feet of it,
to support our
tunnels and our shafts,
there's a limit to
how deep we can go.
Then it appears I have
earned my rather exorbitant fee.
Get that boy up into
your room tonight,
and you've earned
another $10,000.
What do you intend
to do with him?
Hold him as a hostage,
until Ben Cartwright
gives us the right
to cut down his trees.
And what if Ben
Cartwright refuses?
The way Ben loves
those sons of his,
I don't think he'll refuse.
I'll expect another
$10,000, Mr. Troy.
If you promise not
to harm that boy.
It's a friend, Hop Ling.
Put down the war club.
All same much happy see friend.
Always happy to see
you, too, Hop Ling.
How is honorable son, Hop Sing?
He cook very good?
Oh, very good.
Hoss loves him like a brother.
Ah, so, very good son.
You come Virginia
City all alone?
You take terrible risk.
Well, if honorable father just
take my horse to the stable,
I want to take care of a
few little things uptown.
Do you mind, Hop Ling?
For a very beautiful lady.
♪ You said, "Madam, I have
come forth to court you" ♪
♪ "Your affections
for to gain" ♪
♪ "And if you'll give
me good attention" ♪
♪ "Perhaps I'll come
twice more again" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have
gold and silver" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have
a house and land" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have a
world of pleasure" ♪
♪ "You can have it
all at your command" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "What care I for
your gold and silver?" ♪
♪ "What care I for
your house and land?" ♪
♪ "What care I for your
world of pleasure?" ♪
♪ "All I want is a
handsome man" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "Madam, you seem
to boast on beauty" ♪
♪ "Beauty surely
will vanish away" ♪
♪ "Pick a pretty red
rose in the morning" ♪
♪ "And by noon it
will fade away" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No." ♪
Encore!
Young Cartwright sure
didn't waste any time
snapping up her invitation.
In his place, hmm... I would
have done the same thing.
Well, if you had, it'd have
been your last supper, too.
Aaron, have you assigned
proper men to the task?
McCutcheon and Farrell,
Yellow Jacket boys.
Excellent. Good.
Gentlemen and
ladies, I invite you
to partake of the pleasures
of my Club Sazerac special.
It's open. Come in.
Your rose is most
beautiful, Mr. Cartwright.
Hardly anything, ma'am,
compared to all these.
I don't think any of them
could have been given
with more admiration,
or affection.
That's rather bold, sir.
I might almost say wicked.
Speaking of wicked, that
was a fairly wicked dance
you did out there on the stage.
You didn't like it?
Who, me?
Ma'am, I loved every bit of it.
As a matter of fact, I...
Tell me, Mr. Cartwright.
Your mother was the third wife?
And the last.
What was her name?
Felicia. Why do you ask?
I don't know.
But you must be
very much like her.
Where did she meet your father?
Pa took a business trip
down to New Orleans.
Guess he made out better
than he ever figured he would.
New Orleans. I might have known.
My grandpappy served
there with the pirate Lafitte.
Till he got... phew!
You mean to say your
grandfather was hanged?
How awful.
Oh, it ain't a bad
way to go, ma'am,
when you're 82.
You ever been to New Orleans?
New Orleans, I've been
there dozens of times.
Oh, I'd give anything if I
could go to New Orleans.
My mother used to tell
me about it before she died.
I can hardly remember now.
I was just a little kid,
not even five years old.
I know she used to tell me
what a beautiful city it was.
Yes, a very beautiful city.
Very old and very gracious.
But we'll talk about
that at supper.
I got a little place
all picked out.
Run by a fellow
from Paris, France.
Come to Virginia City a couple
of years ago to pan for gold.
Then he got so discouraged
with the kind of food
they dish out around here,
he just opened up a little cafe.
What's the matter, ma'am?
Don't you care for
French cooking?
I love French cooking.
And...
I love French wine.
Here, let me pour you some.
To your very good
health, monsieur.
What is it?
They call it champagne.
It's the only thing I drink.
Tastes pretty feeble to me.
Hmm, it'll catch up with you.
But then at $50
a bottle, it should.
$50? Wow, this
stuff's expensive.
Everything I have is expensive.
My hats, my shoes,
my furs, my gowns... everything.
Then money must be
very important to you.
The most important
thing in the world.
That's what enchants
me so about Virginia City.
I can watch them dig it
here, right out of the ground.
You don't know how
hard I've worked...
How many years it's
taken... To be able to buy
the kind of champagne
we're drinking now.
Listen, Little Joe...
why won't your father let
them cut down those trees?
They'd be willing to
pay anything he asked.
The trees?
Who wants to know
about the trees?
They need those trees.
Without those trees, they
can't keep their mines going.
And without those trees,
we can't keep the land going.
You expecting any
visitors, ma'am?
I suppose you know
what I've done, don't you?
Where is he?
Where's my son?
May I ask you, Mr. Cartwright,
to address whatever
questions you may have
to my friend, Langford Pool.
Mr. Pool, as you well know,
boasts 12 notches on his gun.
Would you care to try for 13?
Go home, Cartwright.
Go home before I kill you.
You tell me to go home?
You, with the smell on
you of the charnel house?
Of flesh rotting and
stinking in the sun?
You're gonna die for
saying that to me, old man.
You're gonna die.
You have any argument, Pool,
you don't have
it with my father.
You have it with me.
One Cartwright is just about
the same to me as another.
I'm asking you again.
Where's my boy?
I, I don't know.
I don't know where he is.
We looked all over town, Pa.
There's no trace of him.
Troy, the Lord sayeth,
"An eye for an eye,
a tooth for a tooth."
I want my son, Troy.
My son, or your life.
You think that brat of
yours is in Virginia City,
Ben Cartwright?
All right, find him.
I'll find him.
With that actress, once
I know where she is.
You know that, Troy.
You know where she is.
Now, tell me or
I'll rattle your teeth.
At the hotel. The
International House.
I'll find him, Pa.
Hoss, you stay here and
help Pa keep them seated
right where they are.
If I don't come
back with Little Joe,
we'll ask some more questions.
They'll be here when
you get back, Adam.
One shape or another,
but they'll be here.
Yes, ma'am. You sure
got expensive tastes.
Like this champagne stuff.
The hats... gowns... the furs.
I guess you didn't
have much choice.
But you have.
They'll kill you, Little Joe.
You can get out
through the window.
Please. Before it's too late.
Ma'am, I thought we had
a supper date together.
Gentlemen.
May I say that your visit
isn't entirely unexpected.
You get out of here.
Miss Crabtree, ma'am,
you're a sweetheart.
Good evening, Miss Crabtree.
Adam. Oh, I'm so
happy to see you.
Are you?
Where's my brother?
He was here.
I'm sorry, Adam. I...
I didn't think this
was going to happen.
Now, what you thought or think
doesn't interest
me, Miss Crabtree.
You're hurting my arm.
I'll break it. Where's the kid?
You don't understand.
Understand what?
You and Alpheus Troy?
You don't think
much of me, do you?
On the contrary.
I think you did
your job beautifully.
It's not everyone that
could lure a young fool kid
to his death.
That isn't true.
I didn't know they
wanted to hurt him.
That they said it would
just be a little trick,
a sort of a game.
Could I go up into the mountains
and make one of you
follow me back to town?
For how much money?
Money didn't have
anything to do with it.
Didn't you just hear me
say it was a little game,
a sort of a lark?
Oh, I heard you.
That doesn't mean I have
to believe you, though.
Let go of me.
Get your hands off me!
Next time, Miss Crabtree,
pick on a man, not a boy.
I'll explain later, Hop
Ling, if I live that long.
All the same trouble?
All the same trouble.
He's around here somewhere.
We'll go through every shack
and tent till we can find him.
Where is he?
Where you hiding him?
That's a big help.
If he's here, we'll find him.
Wait!
Get over there!
Old man...
Thank you for keeping me alive.
Of course, one day, you
may regret it, you know.
Where is he?
Did you find him?
No, I didn't find him, Pa.
I got his horse outside.
I found it at the stable.
He's still in town.
We'll go on looking
for him, Alpheus Troy.
And if we don't find him...
We'll try that one next.
Inside basket. I'll
cover with clothes.
Hey, you got anybody
hiding in here?
Hide somebody? No,
nobody. Me hide nobody.
Oh, what's the use?
Let's turn this
place inside out.
Wait a minute. What about this?
Laundry. Nothing but laundry.
No tickee, no washee.
All the same, why make so
much noise? No can sleep.
If he's in there,
this'll smoke him out.
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Little Joe.
I'm not so little.
♪ ♪
You! You scamp!
Is this what you've
been doing all night?
All night, Pa?
I, uh, I thought I was
just getting started.
It's a great pleasure,
Mr. Cartwright.
Out!
Out, you little
rapscallion, before I...
before I skin you alive!
♪ ♪
Feast thine eyes on a sight
that approacheth Heaven itself.
You been to a lot of places
and you've seen
a lot of things, Pa.
But you've never seen
or been to Heaven.
Well, maybe I've
never been to Heaven,
maybe I'm never
going to get the chance,
but Heaven is going
to have to go some
to beat the thousand square
miles of the Ponderosa.
As long as it's ours.
As long as we keep
it in Cartwright hands.
Know anyone who could
take it away from us, son?
I know those who would try.
That Virginia City bunch, if
we gave them half a chance.
Now, where's Little Joe?
He's supposed to
have met us here.
I want a report of those cattle
he was supposed to bring
down from the north end.
Oh, you'll get it, son.
You, uh, might have to wait
until he's ready
to give it to you.
I want that report now.
Well, maybe, the best thing
for you to do is go find him.
I intend to do just that, Pa.
Hoss'll know where he is.
Adam... Remember,
he's your brother.
Well, brother or not, I
expect him to do his share,
same as the rest of us.
He's a boy, son.
Not a man, like you.
Only thing wrong
with him: he's young.
Well, young or not,
he's still a Cartwright.
Whoa.
Abner, you stand real
still now, you hear?
You listen to Hoss.
Fidgeting and fussing
around here like that.
Gonna throw you plumb
into the next county.
You think I can't do it, mister,
you just keep on that juggling.
Be flying through the
air like you was more
a prairie hen than
you are a horse.
He giving you any trouble, Hoss?
Aw, Pa...
You know there ain't no four-legged
animal could give me any trouble.
Oh, I know that, son.
No, any two-legged
one, either, for that matter.
I don't know. I remember
one little two-legged animal...
Didn't weigh an ounce
over a hundred pounds,
red hair and all... she didn't
give me nothing but trouble.
Well, I wasn't thinking
of any girl, son.
I was thinking of
your younger brother.
Little Joe?
Mm-hmm.
Adam's up at the
house talking to him now.
You got nothin' better
to do than play with that?
Never know when I
might want to use it.
What chance you going to have
to use an epee out
here in the West?
What I always say
is, older brother,
if a man ever gets that
chance, he'd best be ready for it.
Stand still when
I'm talking to you.
You're a Cartwright. Do
you know what that means?
No, older brother, I'm
waiting for you to tell me.
All right, I'll tell you.
It means you're
supposed to be a man now,
fit to do a man's work.
It means you got part
of the responsibility
of running this ranch, same
as Pa and Hoss and me.
If I didn't think I could
handle it same as you, I'd quit.
And how do you expect
to do it with that, uh,
New Orleans monkey pick
you got handed down to you
by your French Quarter mother?
If you weren't my brother,
Adam, I'd kill you for that.
Well, any time you're
ready, Little Joe,
you can just forget
all about us being kin.
Well, you know, that'll be easy.
'Cause I've never been
able to see myself being kin
to anything whelped
out of a thin-nosed,
blue-blooded Boston Yankee!
Oh...
You want to fight me,
Adam, you make a fist!
Fire and brimstone!
Stop that fighting!
Hoss, make them stop.
Put an end to this
shame, this disgrace!
Pa, they don't hear you.
They don't mean no disrespect.
It's just they're working off
a little extra steam, that's all.
But don't you worry
none, I'll stop 'em.
All right, you boys had
enough fun for one day.
Let's call it quits.
In case you didn't hear me,
I said this play acting business
is over, and I mean right now.
Now, you stay out of this, Hoss.
This is between me
and older brother here!
Now, Little Joe, you
better quit before I get mad.
Yeah, he'll quit,
all right, Hoss.
He hasn't the guts to take
any man-sized punishment.
Sons, don't we
have enough to fight?
Must we fight amongst ourselves?
Why don't you
tell that to him, Pa?
If you can get anything
through that rockbound,
New England head of his.
Son, are you all right?
You're not hurt, lad?
I guess the only way to hurt me,
Pa, is to kill me.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm sorry I raised
my hand to you.
Oh, go on, son.
It's your brother
asking your forgiveness.
All I ask is for him
to do his share.
We're running the Ponderosa,
not playing with an epee.
And that means bringing
a thousand head of cattle
down from the pastures
to the bottomland.
Those cattle, every
last head of them,
have been grazing in
bottomland since this morning.
Don't you josh
with me, Little Joe.
Oh, well, that'd be the day
anybody tried to josh with you,
you Yankee granite-head.
Joe...
You're telling the truth about
those thousand head of cattle?
Pa, you know he's
telling the truth.
He ain't no liar, Pa.
That the truth, Little Joe?
That's the truth.
How many heads you
lose on the way down?
Nary one.
Nary...?
Do you hear that, Adam?
A thousand head of prime
stock down from the high pasture
and he loses nary a one!
Well, Joe, that's...
that's wonderful.
I only did what any poor
boy out of New Orleans
would've done without
even thinking about it.
Well, I, uh... I
didn't know, I'm...
I'm sorry.
Hop Sing!
Where the devil you hiding,
you celestial sky gazer?!
You got four hungry men here
want to know what's for dinner!
Yell! Yell! Why you all
the time have to yell?
Why do I have to yell?!
I go. I go away, now.
Hop Sing! Wait a minute!
Hop Sing! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Hop Sing. You...
You can't do that.
Why, if you left here, I'd
waste away to a shadow.
You know that.
You tell the old
man he speak soft.
Not yell, then
maybe Hop Sing stay.
Pa... I'm powerful hungry.
I ain't had but a couple or
three breakfasts since morning.
Besides, Pa, you
know as well as I do
ol' Hop Sing's the best dang
cook this side of San Francisco.
Why don't you go ahead
and apologize to him?
Go on, Pa.
Hoss is right.
He's right, Pa.
We never knew what cooking
was like till Hop Sing come here.
Pa, I sure am hungry, Pa.
And I can smell dinner.
Hop Sing, very sorry.
Very, very sorry.
Get a very good dinner.
Roast pig. Roast pig?
Did you say "roast
pig," Hop Sing?
Roast pig, very good.
Pa, in all your born days
did you ever taste anything
that could match o"
Hop Sing's roast pig?
Hoss, you gonna be
able to last till dinner?
Well, it ain't
gonna be easy, Pa.
If I don't get something
to eat pretty soon,
I'm liable to just lay
down right here and die.
Uh-huh, well, before
anyone lays down and dies,
let's remember there's still some
work to do down at the corral.
Just so happens, this
ranch don't run by itself.
Ha!
You don't think very highly
of our plan, do you, Hooper?
Look, Troy, this
isn't my idea...
Scheming with an actress.
You know what I'd like to do.
Everything all
right, Miss Brown?
Take the Ponderosa by storm.
You know what
that would cost us?
Oh, hang the expense.
All I want is to get rid of that
Cartwright bunch
once and for all.
Well, I wasn't speaking of
the cost in money, Hooper.
I was speaking of the
cost in human lives.
Yes. What are you
planning on using, Hooper?
The United States Cavalry?
The last time we
planned an expedition
to take the Ponderosa, it
cost us over a dozen lives.
Cartwright can assemble
200 of their mounted men
within an hour if they have to.
Up there in that
empire they control,
their position's impregnable.
As Garvey says, we
couldn't get at them
with anything less
than the U.S. Cavalry.
All I know is that the
Yellow Jacket needs
a million board feet of
timber a year to keep going.
Well, the Gould &
Curry, my dear Hooper,
requires three
million feet a year.
I've a 12-foot-wide
vein of pure silver
I can't even explore for
lack of shoring timber.
I don't think I
have to remind you
of the seriousness
of our problem.
Well, I can tell you this.
Unless I get timber, I'm
out of the mining business.
If old Ben would only agree
to sell us what we need, I...
I'd be willing to pay
any price he'd ask.
Well, to old Ben Cartwright,
a tree is something
sacred. Yeah.
Something money can't buy.
That's ridiculous.
Money can buy anything.
Can it, Aaron?
You, nor any of us,
couldn't make the Cartwrights
sell us one more sapling
than they wanted to.
Troy, do you think
this girl can really do it?
This girl, as you put
it... Miss Lotta Crabtree...
Is one of the most
renowned actresses
and beauties of our time.
Conceivably, she might succeed
where the United
States Cavalry might fail.
Yes, but... just by bringing
one of his boys to town?
By putting into our hands
the one thing that would make
Ben Cartwright sell
us his trees: a son.
Stay with him, Adam!
Oh, stay with him, Adam!
That's a boy!
Stay with him, now!
Not so much spur, Adam!
Easy on his mouth, Adam!
He's about as spooky as a
fella about to get himself married!
All right, Thunder!
You're all right, boy!
You're all right,
Adam? I'm all right.
Let me go.
I guess I had that one coming.
That's too good a
piece of horseflesh
to ruin by bringing
along too fast.
What's that carriage
doing on the Ponderosa?
Hiyah!
Those fools, they
should've known better!
Hiyah!
Come on! Hey!
Come on!
Get in there!
Hiyah!
Do you know where you are?
Yes, sir. Yes, Mr. Cartwright.
Put those hands up.
If you put 'em down
before you're told,
you're dead, mister.
If you know who I am, then you
know you're on the Ponderosa.
I'm sorry about that,
but then I guess I must've
got lost tracking over them hills.
Don't you kowtow to him, driver.
Unless you want to answer to me.
The idea, the very idea,
of shooting at innocent,
unarmed people,
and in broad daylight...
Why, if I had realized
that this is the way
they treat people
in Virginia City,
I never would have come here.
Well, this is not
Virginia City, ma'am.
You're on the Ponderosa.
The Ponderosa? What's that?
The Ponderosa, ma'am.
That's the home place
of the Cartwrights.
They got just about the
biggest spread in the country.
This here is Ben Cartwright
and these is his sons.
And we don't cotton to
strangers, male or female.
What's your business here?
My business?
Am I still in United
States territory?
Well, that you are, ma'am,
but I wouldn't go
trading on it too much
if I was you.
Well, you're not me.
And I wish you'd put
that awful thing down.
Yes'm.
And what's the matter with you?
Haven't you ever
seen a lady before?
No, ma'am.
I mean, not such a pretty one.
Not in a long time.
You're still pointing that
gun at me, you know.
I might still intend to use it.
Put it away, son.
Maybe they really
did lose their way.
Well, as long as they
get off the Ponderosa.
It appears we're going
to need some help
if you expect us to
honor that request.
I'll be happy to oblige, ma'am.
Well, it's a... it's a relief
to know that even here
a lady can expect
help from a gentleman.
Little Joe, I think
maybe the lady
would like a nice, cool drink
after traveling around
in the dust and heat.
The lady happens to
have a name, gentlemen.
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Ah, you mean the famous actress?
I mean the very same.
I'll be knee-high
to a prairie dog.
Lotta Crabtree!
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Yes'm. Yes, ma'am.
Little Joe,
take Miss Crabtree
up to the house.
Let her rest herself,
while we put this fool
carriage of hers together again.
You expect me
to ride this horse?
Well, it's either that, ma'am,
or walk a mile to the house.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Well, you know, I didn't
need any help, older brother.
I wasn't helping
you, younger brother.
I swear...
Adam, you reckon you going
to get this thing fixed today?
You'd like to try? If I did,
who'd hold this wagon up?
All right, try that wheel again.
See if it'll turn. Bring her in.
Yes, sir.
Yeah! All right, now.
Get her out of here.
Before we lose our patience
and string you to
the nearest tree.
Yes, sir.
But what about the
lady, Miss Crabtree?
How long's it take to get
a gal a cool drink of water?
Yeah, talking about
something to drink,
if I don't get something
to eat pretty soon,
I'm liable to get
plumb dangerous.
What in thunder
are you trying to say?
Roast pig, all dried up.
Why you no come eat?
Because we had
something better to do.
You don't mean it's
ruined, Hop Sing?
All dry up. Throw away.
Throw away?
Hop Sing invite
lady eat roast pig.
She say, "Thank you very much."
But she have to
go Virginia City.
Virginia City?
Crazy Little Joe.
He didn't agree to take her?
Take best buggy, too.
She very pretty
lady, very pretty.
Not alone.
Mister, you got just one minute
to tell us all you
know about it.
I swear, I don't know
nothing, Mr. Cartwright.
That minute's running out fast.
Who sent you up
to the Ponderosa?
Nobody. I mean I was just hired
to drive the lady up
around these hills.
Was it Alpheus Troy?
Was it Alpheus Troy hired you?
Talk, man, while there's
still a tongue in your head.
I couldn't help
myself, Mr. Cartwright.
I couldn't say no to Troy.
I just couldn't help myself!
How much did he pay you?
Alone.
He went into that town alone.
Anyone care to ride
into Virginia City with me?
Hoss!
Not into Virginia City, not yet.
That's exactly what they want.
Just the four Cartwrights.
Well... we'll ride in.
But we'll have a hundred
men riding in after us
in the morning if
we haven't returned.
Alert the men from
the North Valley.
Adam!
You ride out to the settlers
on the Tahoe rim.
I'll take care of the
men at the sawmill.
Soon as we're through,
we'll ride into Virginia City.
I'll be waiting for
you in the Sazerac.
Hop Sing,
if we don't get back
by morning, kill him.
Ho!
I think we better
let him rest, ma'am.
We don't want to get
him all tuckered out.
I see.
It's very considerate of you
to drive me, Mr. Cartwright.
Oh, most people hereabouts
just call me Little Joe.
Little Joe?
Well, you're not that small.
Oh, it's not that, ma'am.
It's my brother,
Hoss, is that big.
Yes, he is.
But what kind of a name
is that for a man... Hoss?
Oh, he had some other
name when he was born.
Then when he
weighed in at 50 pounds
when he was just a
couple of months old,
well, people just
forgot the other name
and started calling him Hoss.
50 pounds at a couple of months?
Now, that's impossible.
Impossible, ma'am?
I don't think you'd say that if
you could've seen Hoss' mother.
Isn't she your mother, too?
Who, that big gal?
Oh, no.
Why, Pa says she stood six
feet tall in her stockinged feet,
and could punch like a mule.
That's how Pa met her.
She threw him two out of
three times in a wrestling match.
Oh, she didn't! No.
No, she was a real
beautiful woman.
Came from Sweden.
Pa said she was like
a clean, fresh sunrise.
I'm sure she was.
Your father was married twice?
Oh, more than that, ma'am.
More than that?
Yeah, older brother, Adam.
He's from Pa's first wife.
She was the daughter of a
New England sea captain.
Imagine my pa being
married to a Yankee.
What's so wrong about a Yankee?
Ma'am, if you
don't already know,
guess ain't no use
in my telling you.
Mr. Cartwright?
When will we ever
get to Virginia City?
Almost before
you know it, ma'am.
Hiyah, come on!
Gentlemen.
The spider has
just snagged the fly.
Troy, do you, uh, you
think Miss Crabtree
would appreciate
being called a spider?
As long as she collects
her fee of $10,000
for this special performance,
I don't think she cares
what she's called.
Buggy's yours, ma'am, for as
long as you stay in Virginia City.
Oh, that's most
gallant of you, Little Joe.
Hope you didn't mind
the ride too much, ma'am.
I loved it.
Fastest 20 miles
I've ever experienced.
You will stay for my
performance, won't you?
I don't know what
could keep me away.
I'll look for you
from the stage.
After the show, could
we have dinner together?
After the show, you ask me then.
Now, you know what
you're going to do.
Right.
Oh, Miss Crabtree.
This is indeed a pleasure.
You sent for me, Mr. Troy?
I'd have come to you, but
I was afraid I couldn't
crowd my colleagues
in that cramped,
little dressing room.
Uh, Miss Crabtree,
I want you to meet
Aaron Hooper of
the Yellow Jacket.
How do you do?
Mr. George Garvey of the Diablo.
My pleasure, gentlemen.
Your fame is worldwide.
Won't you sit down, please?
Oh, well, thank you.
Might I add, so is yours.
Oh, by the way, congratulations.
Congratulations? For what?
My performance
isn't until later.
Well, let's say
for bringing that young
man into Virginia City.
Oh, was that so difficult?
Did you have any doubts?
It isn't easy to get a
Cartwright to do anything.
It was just one young man.
Didn't you think I
was woman enough
to persuade one young
man to do my bidding?
Oh, enough to do
all that, I'm sure.
And more.
But you see, Miss Crabtree,
our task isn't quite finished.
What is there left
to do, Mr. Troy?
We want you to
persuade that young man
to accompany you
to your hotel rooms,
after this evening's
performance, of course.
Of course.
How interesting and how unusual.
Uh, what do I do
then, make love to him?
No, uh, just keep him there.
Talk to him.
Do anything, but keep him there.
He's such a boy.
What shall we talk about?
Talk about his blasted trees.
They've got more than
a million of them up there
on the Ponderosa
and we want them.
Trees?
You want trees?
I thought you
were all silver kings.
Trees spell timber.
And we need
timber, Miss Crabtree,
desperately, to
keep our mines going.
You see, the deeper the
veins go into the Earth,
the richer, the
purer the silver.
But without timber,
millions of feet of it,
to support our
tunnels and our shafts,
there's a limit to
how deep we can go.
Then it appears I have
earned my rather exorbitant fee.
Get that boy up into
your room tonight,
and you've earned
another $10,000.
What do you intend
to do with him?
Hold him as a hostage,
until Ben Cartwright
gives us the right
to cut down his trees.
And what if Ben
Cartwright refuses?
The way Ben loves
those sons of his,
I don't think he'll refuse.
I'll expect another
$10,000, Mr. Troy.
If you promise not
to harm that boy.
It's a friend, Hop Ling.
Put down the war club.
All same much happy see friend.
Always happy to see
you, too, Hop Ling.
How is honorable son, Hop Sing?
He cook very good?
Oh, very good.
Hoss loves him like a brother.
Ah, so, very good son.
You come Virginia
City all alone?
You take terrible risk.
Well, if honorable father just
take my horse to the stable,
I want to take care of a
few little things uptown.
Do you mind, Hop Ling?
For a very beautiful lady.
♪ You said, "Madam, I have
come forth to court you" ♪
♪ "Your affections
for to gain" ♪
♪ "And if you'll give
me good attention" ♪
♪ "Perhaps I'll come
twice more again" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have
gold and silver" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have
a house and land" ♪
♪ "Madam, I have a
world of pleasure" ♪
♪ "You can have it
all at your command" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "What care I for
your gold and silver?" ♪
♪ "What care I for
your house and land?" ♪
♪ "What care I for your
world of pleasure?" ♪
♪ "All I want is a
handsome man" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ "Madam, you seem
to boast on beauty" ♪
♪ "Beauty surely
will vanish away" ♪
♪ "Pick a pretty red
rose in the morning" ♪
♪ "And by noon it
will fade away" ♪
♪ "Uh-uh, no" ♪
♪ "No, sir, no" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No" ♪
♪ All of her answers to him ♪
♪ Were "No." ♪
Encore!
Young Cartwright sure
didn't waste any time
snapping up her invitation.
In his place, hmm... I would
have done the same thing.
Well, if you had, it'd have
been your last supper, too.
Aaron, have you assigned
proper men to the task?
McCutcheon and Farrell,
Yellow Jacket boys.
Excellent. Good.
Gentlemen and
ladies, I invite you
to partake of the pleasures
of my Club Sazerac special.
It's open. Come in.
Your rose is most
beautiful, Mr. Cartwright.
Hardly anything, ma'am,
compared to all these.
I don't think any of them
could have been given
with more admiration,
or affection.
That's rather bold, sir.
I might almost say wicked.
Speaking of wicked, that
was a fairly wicked dance
you did out there on the stage.
You didn't like it?
Who, me?
Ma'am, I loved every bit of it.
As a matter of fact, I...
Tell me, Mr. Cartwright.
Your mother was the third wife?
And the last.
What was her name?
Felicia. Why do you ask?
I don't know.
But you must be
very much like her.
Where did she meet your father?
Pa took a business trip
down to New Orleans.
Guess he made out better
than he ever figured he would.
New Orleans. I might have known.
My grandpappy served
there with the pirate Lafitte.
Till he got... phew!
You mean to say your
grandfather was hanged?
How awful.
Oh, it ain't a bad
way to go, ma'am,
when you're 82.
You ever been to New Orleans?
New Orleans, I've been
there dozens of times.
Oh, I'd give anything if I
could go to New Orleans.
My mother used to tell
me about it before she died.
I can hardly remember now.
I was just a little kid,
not even five years old.
I know she used to tell me
what a beautiful city it was.
Yes, a very beautiful city.
Very old and very gracious.
But we'll talk about
that at supper.
I got a little place
all picked out.
Run by a fellow
from Paris, France.
Come to Virginia City a couple
of years ago to pan for gold.
Then he got so discouraged
with the kind of food
they dish out around here,
he just opened up a little cafe.
What's the matter, ma'am?
Don't you care for
French cooking?
I love French cooking.
And...
I love French wine.
Here, let me pour you some.
To your very good
health, monsieur.
What is it?
They call it champagne.
It's the only thing I drink.
Tastes pretty feeble to me.
Hmm, it'll catch up with you.
But then at $50
a bottle, it should.
$50? Wow, this
stuff's expensive.
Everything I have is expensive.
My hats, my shoes,
my furs, my gowns... everything.
Then money must be
very important to you.
The most important
thing in the world.
That's what enchants
me so about Virginia City.
I can watch them dig it
here, right out of the ground.
You don't know how
hard I've worked...
How many years it's
taken... To be able to buy
the kind of champagne
we're drinking now.
Listen, Little Joe...
why won't your father let
them cut down those trees?
They'd be willing to
pay anything he asked.
The trees?
Who wants to know
about the trees?
They need those trees.
Without those trees, they
can't keep their mines going.
And without those trees,
we can't keep the land going.
You expecting any
visitors, ma'am?
I suppose you know
what I've done, don't you?
Where is he?
Where's my son?
May I ask you, Mr. Cartwright,
to address whatever
questions you may have
to my friend, Langford Pool.
Mr. Pool, as you well know,
boasts 12 notches on his gun.
Would you care to try for 13?
Go home, Cartwright.
Go home before I kill you.
You tell me to go home?
You, with the smell on
you of the charnel house?
Of flesh rotting and
stinking in the sun?
You're gonna die for
saying that to me, old man.
You're gonna die.
You have any argument, Pool,
you don't have
it with my father.
You have it with me.
One Cartwright is just about
the same to me as another.
I'm asking you again.
Where's my boy?
I, I don't know.
I don't know where he is.
We looked all over town, Pa.
There's no trace of him.
Troy, the Lord sayeth,
"An eye for an eye,
a tooth for a tooth."
I want my son, Troy.
My son, or your life.
You think that brat of
yours is in Virginia City,
Ben Cartwright?
All right, find him.
I'll find him.
With that actress, once
I know where she is.
You know that, Troy.
You know where she is.
Now, tell me or
I'll rattle your teeth.
At the hotel. The
International House.
I'll find him, Pa.
Hoss, you stay here and
help Pa keep them seated
right where they are.
If I don't come
back with Little Joe,
we'll ask some more questions.
They'll be here when
you get back, Adam.
One shape or another,
but they'll be here.
Yes, ma'am. You sure
got expensive tastes.
Like this champagne stuff.
The hats... gowns... the furs.
I guess you didn't
have much choice.
But you have.
They'll kill you, Little Joe.
You can get out
through the window.
Please. Before it's too late.
Ma'am, I thought we had
a supper date together.
Gentlemen.
May I say that your visit
isn't entirely unexpected.
You get out of here.
Miss Crabtree, ma'am,
you're a sweetheart.
Good evening, Miss Crabtree.
Adam. Oh, I'm so
happy to see you.
Are you?
Where's my brother?
He was here.
I'm sorry, Adam. I...
I didn't think this
was going to happen.
Now, what you thought or think
doesn't interest
me, Miss Crabtree.
You're hurting my arm.
I'll break it. Where's the kid?
You don't understand.
Understand what?
You and Alpheus Troy?
You don't think
much of me, do you?
On the contrary.
I think you did
your job beautifully.
It's not everyone that
could lure a young fool kid
to his death.
That isn't true.
I didn't know they
wanted to hurt him.
That they said it would
just be a little trick,
a sort of a game.
Could I go up into the mountains
and make one of you
follow me back to town?
For how much money?
Money didn't have
anything to do with it.
Didn't you just hear me
say it was a little game,
a sort of a lark?
Oh, I heard you.
That doesn't mean I have
to believe you, though.
Let go of me.
Get your hands off me!
Next time, Miss Crabtree,
pick on a man, not a boy.
I'll explain later, Hop
Ling, if I live that long.
All the same trouble?
All the same trouble.
He's around here somewhere.
We'll go through every shack
and tent till we can find him.
Where is he?
Where you hiding him?
That's a big help.
If he's here, we'll find him.
Wait!
Get over there!
Old man...
Thank you for keeping me alive.
Of course, one day, you
may regret it, you know.
Where is he?
Did you find him?
No, I didn't find him, Pa.
I got his horse outside.
I found it at the stable.
He's still in town.
We'll go on looking
for him, Alpheus Troy.
And if we don't find him...
We'll try that one next.
Inside basket. I'll
cover with clothes.
Hey, you got anybody
hiding in here?
Hide somebody? No,
nobody. Me hide nobody.
Oh, what's the use?
Let's turn this
place inside out.
Wait a minute. What about this?
Laundry. Nothing but laundry.
No tickee, no washee.
All the same, why make so
much noise? No can sleep.
If he's in there,
this'll smoke him out.
Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Little Joe.
I'm not so little.
♪ ♪
You! You scamp!
Is this what you've
been doing all night?
All night, Pa?
I, uh, I thought I was
just getting started.
It's a great pleasure,
Mr. Cartwright.
Out!
Out, you little
rapscallion, before I...
before I skin you alive!
♪ ♪