Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 7, Episode 21 - Paraders of the Lost Float - full transcript
Teddy talks Bob into entering the Bog to Beach parade even though the forecast calls for rain.
♪ ♪
All right, kids, out of the booth.
Time to get ready for the lunch rush.
Which is... probably coming.
Any minute now.
It is kind of a slow
start to lunch today, huh?
Yeah, it hasn't really
been a great... month.
For your B.O.?
No. For the restaurant.
Because of your B.O.?
No. I think people
are just eating
other... food this month.
- (door bell jingles)
- TEDDY: Bob?
(panting): Bob, tomorrow's Bog to Beach!
- What?
- Bog to Beach!
The parade. It's tomorrow!
- Oh, okay.
- Oh, I love Bog to Beach!
All the free spirits out on the streets
having a blast.
Well, it turns out my neighbor
is friends with the
owner of The Bear Trap.
You know, the bar?
By the beach? Near the clam shack?
No, but that's okay that I don't.
Well, he always does a parade
float in the Bog to Beach.
(grunts) But this
year he's not doing one
'cause he hurt his back at
the Strongman Invitationals.
So his float is available,
and his slot in the
parade is available, too!
Uh, I'm still not sure why
you're yelling at us, Teddy.
Also, you're really out of breath.
(panting): Yeah. I ran
all the way over here.
I'm telling you this 'cause he
said you could make his float
into a Bob Burgers float.
"Bob's Burgers," but whatever.
(gasp) Our own parade float?
Are you kidding me?
I've always wanted
to be in Bog to Beach.
Dress up crazy and dance all crazy.
Whip my hair around all crazy!
Whoo! Get it, girl. Ah!
Uh, I don't know if I want to do
a parade float for Bog to Beach.
It doesn't seem that fun.
Of course it sounds fun. It's a parade.
You start at the bog and
you end up at the beach.
You drink a lot, you
wear crazy costumes.
Oh, I love it.
And some people don't wear costumes.
Or anything.
Sun's out, buns out. Am I right?
But it gets a little out of control.
- (loud music)
- (yelling)
Plus, I don't really get it. People
pee everywhere, and it smells and...
You had me at "pee
everywhere." I'm in.
Dad, maybe you just don't
like to let loose and have fun.
You're a little grumpy and super lumpy.
That's your jam.
I like fun... I mean,
working here is fun, right?
- Ooh, a customer. Oh, no, never mind.
- So fun.
Come on! Let's close the restaurant
for a few hours tomorrow and
ride around on a parade float!
Please?
Bob, I didn't even get to the good part.
There's a cash prize
for the top five floats,
and there's only four floats
in the parade this year.
There's a cash prize?
- Cash is the best kind of money.
- There weren't a lot of sign-ups
because the weather's
supposed to be bad.
(sighs) I don't know. Could
we make a float in one night?
Of course. I'll pick
it up and bring it here.
You just gotta decorate it a little
and drive it down the parade route.
Fifth place gets $500.
So, we get $500 even if
we come in last place?
- Yep.
- We can do that.
We're great at that.
Last place. Last place!
Last place! Last place!
What do you say, Bob?
I mean, $500 sounds nice.
That's more than we'd
make serving lunch.
Uh, all right. Let-let's do it.
OTHERS: Yay!
- All right!
- Ooh, I'm so excited!
Great! We're doing this!
I'll go pick up the float
and drive it back here.
Uh, Teddy, I could give you a ride,
and, oh, and he's
running down the street.
Huh, I wonder if we should hand out
free samples on the parade route?
Of what? Ooh, sesame chicken!
No. Burgers, Gene. Drum
up a little business.
I'm gonna think about costumes.
Bob, you go to Reflections
and buy some decorations for the float.
Don't be afraid of sequins, Dad!
They're more scared of
you than you are of them.
♪ ♪
- (door bell jingles)
- What do you want, flapjacks?
- We're closing.
- Hi, I just need a few things.
I-I'm decorating a float,
and I'm really not sure what to buy.
Well, you have one minute, and
then we're locking the door.
Oh, okay, fine. Just
tell me what to get.
- Petal paper.
- Excuse me?
Petal paper!
I-I don't know what that is.
Floral sheeting.
It's called petal paper. Buy some!
Okay, okay, okay.
- 30 more seconds.
- Come on.
Deco-puff pomps!
- Wh-What?
- Puff pomps!
- What... ?
- The clock's ticking.
I just don't know what that is.
Oh, you're out of your league, tubs.
(sighs) What else do I need?
Float festoon.
- Wait, what?
- Festoon!
Open your ears!
They're garlands! Get 'em and get out!
- Fringe.
- He's out of time.
- He needs fringe.
- Buy the damn fringe!
- Where is it?
- That's fringe!
- That's fringe! Pick it up!
- I got it!
Put it in the thing!
Bring it to the counter!
- Here, here, here.
- $65.
Seriously? That a lot for
different forms of tissue paper.
- You need it.
- See you on the parade route, newbie.
Your float's gonna look like
a lousy joke next to ours.
Wait, you guys have
a float in the parade?
Yeah, and we get our fringe wholesale.
Yeah, instead of at a 1,000% mark-up.
- Sucker.
- What?
We're out of bags. Pick it up!
- (groans)
- Get him out of here, Harold.
I'm sick of looking at his face.
Look at our float! I love our float!
I can't believe we actually
get to ride up there.
Usually parade floats are
for beauty pageant winners
and dogs that have been in movies.
Where's Teddy? Who's driving this thing?
Ghost float!
Pretty sweet, right?
And look what else I
borrowed from The Bear Trap.
♪ Ba Ba-da-da! ♪ T-shirt cannons.
- Yeah! Nice.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
We don't have T-shirts to shoot, Teddy.
You must have a couple of
old shirts upstairs, Bob.
You could write "Bob Burgers"
on 'em real quick. Right?
It's "Bob's Burgers."
So what are we doing for costumes, Mom?
Here's the plan... Gene's
gonna wear the burger costume,
and I'm gonna use old bed
sheets to make a ketchup bottle,
a mustard bottle and a pickle.
(chuckles) And I'm gonna make
something amazing for myself
that I haven't thought of yet.
A crumpled napkin?
Ooh! What if we do a dance?
(gasp) We could lip-sync!
GENE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah. We bring the boom box,
and we play "Hot Pants Rain Dance."
You know that song?
'Cause it's supposed
to rain tomorrow, right?
The float has speakers.
You could crank it.
It starts off slow, and then it builds
into the best disco
song about rain ever.
Three words for you, Mother:
"It's Raining Men."
Fine, second best.
Sure, I mean, maybe
we could play a song,
but let's not spend
a lot of time on this.
I say we just cover our float
with expensive tissue paper
and call it a night.
(sighs) Great. Jimmy's coming over here.
Hey, Bob.
I don't even want to know what that is.
(chuckles) But, uh, tell me.
It's a float, Jimmy. For Bog to Beach.
Ugh! Bog to Beach is the worst!
Bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdoes
throwing paper cups all
over the place and making
a strange... You know what I'm saying.
We're doing it for the cash prize,
so... there, Jimmy.
And to celebrate the
freaks that weave the fabric
of this funky town.
More the money. And we're gonna hand out
free samples, drum up a little business.
Probably a lot of business. So, yeah.
Yeah, giving away food
is great business, Bob.
And hey, your float looks
dumb, just like your face.
(laughs) And also,
you have another restaurant's
name on it, so good luck.
Can I shoot him, Dad? Can I shoot him?
No. Maybe. Yes, definitely.
- Gene, give me some ammunition.
- Coming right up.
- (Gene grunting)
- And...
Don't... don't do it. Stand...
stand down, stand down.
Fine, standing down.
Huh. I know they said it's
supposed to rain tomorrow,
but it's really nice
out; maybe it won't rain.
(thunder rumbling)
Oh my God, it's raining.
It's raining so much.
These costumes are like sponges.
I lined the inside
of them with sponges.
Oh...
Yeah, Linda, the costumes are...
great.
- Aw, thanks.
- But why are we all pickles?
I made the first pickle,
and it turned out so good
I just kept going.
It looks like maybe we
own a pickle restaurant.
Someone should have checked on me.
I was up there all alone,
just making pickles.
(sighs) Well, at least we're here.
Let's just drive the parade route,
get this float in front of the judges,
and come in last place.
GENE: The Belcher way.
JIMMY: Honk-honk!
Hey, Bob! Horn doesn't
work. Check this out, huh?
This is what a float looks like.
No, no, no, no!
Now there are six floats
and there's only five prizes.
We're gonna have to beat Jimmy.
There goes our whole strategy.
Looks like we're in a bit of a pickle.
'Cause we're... You get it.
- Why are you doing this, Jimmy?
- Hey, hey,
what do you mean? I love this parade.
No, you don't!
Anyway, I do everything better than you.
So, you're gonna lose.
- Ooh, yeah!
- Your float stinks, Jimmy.
And you're not gonna beat us.
Yes, I am. I brought just a
ton of free pizzas to hand out.
Drum up a little business.
You could learn a lot from me, Bob.
That was my idea.
Sorry, I can't hear you
over how good my float is.
(chuckles)
GENE: I don't know where to look first.
It's a freak-peeping bonanza.
Oh, look! It's a naked juggler.
So many balls in the air.
Hey, Marshmallow's here. Hi, girl!
Hi, girl, yourself, you
little Bog to Beach baby.
All right, it's time to
start the parade, everybody!
Let's go!
♪ ♪
Hey, Bobby. You're gonna have
to tell me where to steer.
This thing does not
have windshield wipers.
I got nothing down there.
We gotta use the walkie-talkies.
TEDDY (over walkie): Hey,
Bob. It's Teddy, from before.
Yup.
It's, uh... you get
kind of lonely down here.
You just went down there, Teddy.
I just wish I was up
there with you guys.
I'm coming up!
Teddy, no. It's our turn to go.
So go, and drive straight.
TEDDY. All right. And we're floatin'!
Aah!
Who wants a free T-shirt?
It's coming out of the
cannon... Look alive!
Where were you?
Hey, who wants a free burger?
It's coming out of a boy!
Five second rule. That's
not a problem. It's fine.
Time to unleash the beast.
Here comes my parade wave.
Wipe that blackboard,
wipe that blackboard,
kiss your hand, and
wipe that blackboard.
Hey, Gretchen. You having fun?
Hey, Linda. I've been
having fun since yesterday.
I got the date for the parade wrong,
so I've just been out here.
Bye! What are you supposed to be?
I'm a permaid. A mermaid with a perm.
Yeah, you are. Look at you.
Uh, hi, hey! Who wants some pizza?
Lady, hey, come here,
take a slice, go on.
Stupid Jimmy Pesto!
So, Dad, are you loving this or what?
(growls)
You know what would cheer
up an old crank like you?
- Lip-syncing to some disco.
- Fact.
I gave Teddy the cassette
for "Hot Pants Rain Dance."
I am not an old crank.
I just don't want to pretend
to sing that song right now.
- (engine revs)
- What the hell is he doing?
LINDA: Hey, back off,
Jimmy, we're parading here.
I'm sick of looking at your ugly float.
I'm gonna pass you.
What? You can't pass in a parade, Jimmy.
Get your dumb float away from us.
Hey! You see these pizzas?
Now I'm gonna finish
the parade before you
and bribe the judges with them. (laughs)
What? No! No! You're not, Jimmy.
Because I am not letting you pass us!
I'm gonna... kick your float.
I can almost reach it.
Hey, don't kick my float.
I'm gonna kick your float.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Oh, hey, looks a little
loose right here, huh?
Hey, it came right off in my hand.
You can't do that!
Yeah, get your damn hands off her, Biff!
Hey, what's going on with this one?
It's just coming off all by itself.
Oopsie-oopsie!
BOB: No! Our sign!
Ooh! The judges are definitely
gonna take points off for that.
Get back, Jimmy, or I'll shoot.
Aw, come on, you don't
have it in... Oof!
Oh! Free shirt, though.
Ha! Kids, arm your T-shirt guns.
Keep Jimmy away from our float.
GENE: Say hello to my 50-50 blend.
You shoot a T-shirt
at a guy like a girl!
(groans)
So, like that?
Oh, his face!
Good shot, Louise.
Hey. Hey.
Some, ha, crazy float drama
going on up there, huh?
Yeah, why can't we all
just enjoy the day?
I know, right?
Let's promise to never get
caught up in that mess.
Totally.
Jimmy Jr., quick, grab
that fluttery thing.
- What, this?
- What the hell? I'll kill you!
(gasping): Tina!
Oh, my God. What have we become?
Hey, it's the Belchers!
We know them!
Wait, no, those are pickles.
Hi, pickles!
- Damn it.
- It doesn't look that bad.
Yeah, it's distressed.
- (groans)
- GENE: Shabby chic.
Flabby chic.
Bob, don't let Pesto poop on our parade.
Bye, Bob. I'm gonna go
give pizza to the judges.
Then we'll laugh about how
stupid hamburgers are. (laughs)
Ah! We can't let Jimmy finish first.
Why not?
You know what no one has ever wanted
after a bunch of free pizza?
A bunch of free burgers!
Don't speak for me!
Wait. I know how we can
get back in front of Pesto.
Bob, it's not a race.
That's right, it's a not a race, Lin.
It's a war.
- It's a race war.
- Gene...
Bob, it's a parade.
We're having fun, remember?
No, Lin, Pesto ruined our float.
It looks worse than his now.
He's gonna beat us and get the $500,
unless we go to the judges first,
and give them our burgers before
he gives them his stupid pizza.
- (static crackles)
- Teddy?
Bob? Is that you?
Yes, it's me, Teddy.
Who else would it be?
It's just good to hear a human voice.
Teddy, listen, I need
you to make a left.
What?
We're gonna go left here
on this little side street,
and then we're gonna go right,
and then right again,
and we'll rejoin the parade route,
and we'll be in front of all the floats!
You got it. Going off the parade route.
Sounds like a good idea, Bob.
I miss you. I miss all of you.
- BOB: Sorry, pardon us.
- TINA: Coming through.
GENE: Watch your hula-hoop, sir.
- Look out!
- Heads up!
LINDA: See you soon, parade. Stay funky.
Now we just make a right.
Teddy, turn right here.
Turning right.
BOB: We'll go down the block.
Teddy, give it a little more gas.
Now we'll just make the next right,
and we're back on the route.
There are no rights.
BOB: Oh, no, the street's curving left.
Teddy? Are you seeing this?
We're gonna have to veer left.
Veering left.
Bob! Mayday! Mayday!
We gotta stop and we gotta turn around
and go back the way we came.
We gotta get back on route.
No way, Linda. There's
no turning around.
I mean, literally.
I don't think this can turn around.
We stay the course, there's
gotta be a right somewhere.
We're lost, Bob. Who
gets lost on a float?
Dad did.
Oh, was that not a real question?
Dad, can I shoot you in
the neck with a T-shirt?
No, you cannot shoot me in... (gasps)
TINA: I mean, one float
can be a parade, right?
If there's anyone else on the street,
I'm sure they'd appreciate this.
There's a guy going to the bathroom
between two parked cars.
Yeah! He's got the spirit.
Oh, it's the mayor. Hi, Mayor!
Oh, it... Oh, oh, that's not the mayor.
There's a right. Finally.
Teddy, turn right.
(all groan)
Hey, it looks like we're part of some...
other kind of parade, I think.
Oh yeah, we're in a parade of town cars.
And there's Mort's car up front.
LINDA: Bob, we're in
a funeral procession.
BOB: Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. What do we do?
LOUISE: Hey, they probably
won't even notice us.
Worst case scenario, we
follow this death parade
all the way to a pretty
sweet deli spread.
Oh! Another right!
I think we should do it.
- Teddy, turn right again.
- TEDDY: Turning.
LINDA: Oh, God, the funeral's turning!
GENE: No! Don't follow
us! Don't follow us!
LOUISE: Well, we finally lost them.
LINDA: They'll find another funeral.
I'm feeling good about this.
I think we're minutes away
from finding the parade.
Aw... Oh, come on. Oh!
Oh, great. He's blocking the street.
Hey, Teddy? We got to stop.
- LINDA: Hi! You okay?
- Uh...
Uh, first day.
- Us, too.
- Want a free shirt?
Uh, sure.
(groans) Thanks!
No problem!
Uh, do you need help?
- We have to use the road.
- Maybe.
- Oh, okay, you go up.
- No, Lin, you go up.
- No, you go up.
- No, I'm going...
- I'll go under. Going under.
- BOB: Lift it up.
LINDA: I'll go under. I'm just
going to stand in one place.
- GENE: Mine smells funny.
- Your what?
GENE: Ugh! We're missing it!
People are just traipsing around
in provocative hand-crafted
costumes, and we're lost!
I think we're close.
I really think we're
almost back on route.
I'm sick of your lies, Dad!
Sorry, sorry, I just
got hot for a second.
Mostly I'm really cold and wet.
- (faint cheering, drums beating)
- Wait, wait, did you guys hear that?
- GENE: Did you fart?
- No. Yes, but it was silent.
(gasp) I think it's the parade!
It's definitely a parade.
Oh, my God, I hear it, too.
LINDA: Look! Up there to the right.
Freaky parade people!
Butts! I see butts!
Teddy, we've got a right turn coming up.
We're gonna get back on route,
we're gonna give the
judges burgers before pizza,
and we're gonna get that
fifth place prize money!
(laughs) I knew you could do it, Bob!
I never lost faith in you.
Oh, come on, the road is blocked?
Teddy, stop the float.
Ah, I knew we'd never make it.
We'll just have to put
this thing in reverse
and go until we can get
back onto the route somehow.
I thought this thing
doesn't go in reverse.
It doesn't, but we could all
hop off and push it backwards...
No, Bob, let's not
drive anymore, please.
Lin, but I think we're
close to the finish.
Bob, why don't we leave the float here
and walk the rest of the way?
- We'll come back later and pick it up.
- What?
Come on, Bob, don't you
want to have a little fun
before this whole thing is over?
This parade is not
about having fun, Lin.
No. Of course not.
Well, I want to have a good time.
- Come on, Bob.
- No.
I'm getting this thing to
the finish line before Pesto.
You guys can walk if you want.
Okay. What do you say, kids?
You want to walk the rest of the way
with your mom and all the freaky people?
Freak yes, I do.
- Let's go.
- Let's do this.
All right, Bob, we'll
see you at the beach.
Kids, let's go get weird.
Wow. You chose me over your family.
That's not what happened, Teddy.
I'm on it, Bobby.
Okay, we just have to find another way
back to the parade route.
I think we can still beat Jimmy.
And... there he is.
JIMMY: Hey! Is there a parade
on that street, too, Bob?
(chuckles) A bad one? Uh, zoom!
Damn it. It's over.
Wait. What if we ram the barricades?
Excuse me?
We floor it, hold on tight
and burst right through.
Papier-mâché float, solid barricade.
Let's do it.
The coast is clear, Teddy. We're ready.
Here we go!
(engine revving, tires screeching)
(yelling)
Yes! Oh, the burgers.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(coughing)
Is my ass on fire?
Be honest. A little
bit, Teddy. A little bit.
- Anything?
- TEDDY: Nothing.
Well, we lost.
Pesto beat us.
Judges are, like, 50 yards away
eating his horrible pizza.
We can't even finish and
we're so close to the end.
(sighs) I mean, when you say it out loud
all at once, it makes it sound bad.
Stereo still works.
Want to listen to Linda's tape?
(sighs) Not really.
Oh. I already pressed play.
- Parade puddles!
- Paradles!
Uh, I'm not sure this is
all water... Eh, it's fine.
You don't know what
you're missing up there!
Come down here and splash.
Oh, you're not wearing any underwear.
(over speakers): ♪ Just when I thought ♪
♪ I was lost and washed out ♪
♪ Someone reminded me
what it was all about... ♪
Look at those guys, just
sloppin' around in puddles.
BOB: They do look like
they're having a good time.
♪ Ah, ah, yeah... ♪
(sighs) I guess I haven't
been very fun today.
Yeah, but this really
isn't your scene.
What do you mean?
It's just... Those
people are really fun.
Look at 'em. They're free spirits.
Maybe I have been a little grumpy.
Come on, we're here for the cash prize.
That's what matters here... the money.
What, do we have to
live life to the fullest
at this particular parade?
No. We're here on a job.
(sighs) Oh, my God.
What is wrong with me?
Ah, the beat's about to kick in.
You know what? Turn it up.
♪ ♪
Teddy! Unzip my pickle!
Unzipping your pickle, Bobby.
Is that Bob?
(gasps) He's playing
"Hot Pants Rain Dance"!
It's like a fun, wet,
almost naked version of Dad.
Disco? I'll go.
I'm dancing! I'm having fun!
Hey, kids! I took my clothes off!
TINA: Go, Dad!
Shake what Grandpa gave you!
But maybe not like that!
Lin, I'm sorry I was such a jerk today.
I let Pesto get the best of me.
But I love Bog to Beach now!
I totally get it! (whoops)
Oh, I forgive you, my little
floatstest with the mostest!
Hey, get up here. It's your song.
Kids! Come on!
What happened? Why'd
you stop your float here?
We broke down. We're stuck.
We were trying to get to the judges.
We could push you.
Or someone could push you. Guys?
Let's motorboat this float.
TEDDY (singing along): ♪
Hot pants rain dance! ♪
♪ Da-da, doo-doo rain ♪
♪ I don't know the words. ♪
Get down from there, Jimmy Jr.!
No, Dad! I'm dancing!
(whoops)
Hey. Sorry about earlier, Tina.
I shouldn't have messed up your float.
That was not cool.
It's okay. Sorry I
shot you with a shirt,
and that you crumpled up into
a little ball on the ground
and looked really weak and fragile.
Uh, okay, uh, it really hurt.
Should we have make-up dance?
- Yeah!
- (hooting and hollering)
♪ So hot your pants on fire... ♪
♪ ♪
Well, we were just about to
give the prize for fifth place
to the guy who gave me this wet pizza,
but The Bear Trap just rolled
in here and stole our hearts!
Ladies and gentlemen, fifth place prize
is The Bear Trap!
(gasps) Bobby, that's
us! We're The Bear Trap!
Yes! We won fifth place!
ALL: Yay!
What? We were robbed.
I don't know, man. That was amazing.
They came across the line
and people started dancing.
It felt bigger than all of this.
Oh, would you just shut up.
All right! Mwah!
So I, uh, I wonder what it's gonna cost
to fix this float up, huh?
Bob? Not gonna be cheap.
Don't ruin this, Teddy!
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and shake your pants ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and shake your pants ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance... ♪
All right, kids, out of the booth.
Time to get ready for the lunch rush.
Which is... probably coming.
Any minute now.
It is kind of a slow
start to lunch today, huh?
Yeah, it hasn't really
been a great... month.
For your B.O.?
No. For the restaurant.
Because of your B.O.?
No. I think people
are just eating
other... food this month.
- (door bell jingles)
- TEDDY: Bob?
(panting): Bob, tomorrow's Bog to Beach!
- What?
- Bog to Beach!
The parade. It's tomorrow!
- Oh, okay.
- Oh, I love Bog to Beach!
All the free spirits out on the streets
having a blast.
Well, it turns out my neighbor
is friends with the
owner of The Bear Trap.
You know, the bar?
By the beach? Near the clam shack?
No, but that's okay that I don't.
Well, he always does a parade
float in the Bog to Beach.
(grunts) But this
year he's not doing one
'cause he hurt his back at
the Strongman Invitationals.
So his float is available,
and his slot in the
parade is available, too!
Uh, I'm still not sure why
you're yelling at us, Teddy.
Also, you're really out of breath.
(panting): Yeah. I ran
all the way over here.
I'm telling you this 'cause he
said you could make his float
into a Bob Burgers float.
"Bob's Burgers," but whatever.
(gasp) Our own parade float?
Are you kidding me?
I've always wanted
to be in Bog to Beach.
Dress up crazy and dance all crazy.
Whip my hair around all crazy!
Whoo! Get it, girl. Ah!
Uh, I don't know if I want to do
a parade float for Bog to Beach.
It doesn't seem that fun.
Of course it sounds fun. It's a parade.
You start at the bog and
you end up at the beach.
You drink a lot, you
wear crazy costumes.
Oh, I love it.
And some people don't wear costumes.
Or anything.
Sun's out, buns out. Am I right?
But it gets a little out of control.
- (loud music)
- (yelling)
Plus, I don't really get it. People
pee everywhere, and it smells and...
You had me at "pee
everywhere." I'm in.
Dad, maybe you just don't
like to let loose and have fun.
You're a little grumpy and super lumpy.
That's your jam.
I like fun... I mean,
working here is fun, right?
- Ooh, a customer. Oh, no, never mind.
- So fun.
Come on! Let's close the restaurant
for a few hours tomorrow and
ride around on a parade float!
Please?
Bob, I didn't even get to the good part.
There's a cash prize
for the top five floats,
and there's only four floats
in the parade this year.
There's a cash prize?
- Cash is the best kind of money.
- There weren't a lot of sign-ups
because the weather's
supposed to be bad.
(sighs) I don't know. Could
we make a float in one night?
Of course. I'll pick
it up and bring it here.
You just gotta decorate it a little
and drive it down the parade route.
Fifth place gets $500.
So, we get $500 even if
we come in last place?
- Yep.
- We can do that.
We're great at that.
Last place. Last place!
Last place! Last place!
What do you say, Bob?
I mean, $500 sounds nice.
That's more than we'd
make serving lunch.
Uh, all right. Let-let's do it.
OTHERS: Yay!
- All right!
- Ooh, I'm so excited!
Great! We're doing this!
I'll go pick up the float
and drive it back here.
Uh, Teddy, I could give you a ride,
and, oh, and he's
running down the street.
Huh, I wonder if we should hand out
free samples on the parade route?
Of what? Ooh, sesame chicken!
No. Burgers, Gene. Drum
up a little business.
I'm gonna think about costumes.
Bob, you go to Reflections
and buy some decorations for the float.
Don't be afraid of sequins, Dad!
They're more scared of
you than you are of them.
♪ ♪
- (door bell jingles)
- What do you want, flapjacks?
- We're closing.
- Hi, I just need a few things.
I-I'm decorating a float,
and I'm really not sure what to buy.
Well, you have one minute, and
then we're locking the door.
Oh, okay, fine. Just
tell me what to get.
- Petal paper.
- Excuse me?
Petal paper!
I-I don't know what that is.
Floral sheeting.
It's called petal paper. Buy some!
Okay, okay, okay.
- 30 more seconds.
- Come on.
Deco-puff pomps!
- Wh-What?
- Puff pomps!
- What... ?
- The clock's ticking.
I just don't know what that is.
Oh, you're out of your league, tubs.
(sighs) What else do I need?
Float festoon.
- Wait, what?
- Festoon!
Open your ears!
They're garlands! Get 'em and get out!
- Fringe.
- He's out of time.
- He needs fringe.
- Buy the damn fringe!
- Where is it?
- That's fringe!
- That's fringe! Pick it up!
- I got it!
Put it in the thing!
Bring it to the counter!
- Here, here, here.
- $65.
Seriously? That a lot for
different forms of tissue paper.
- You need it.
- See you on the parade route, newbie.
Your float's gonna look like
a lousy joke next to ours.
Wait, you guys have
a float in the parade?
Yeah, and we get our fringe wholesale.
Yeah, instead of at a 1,000% mark-up.
- Sucker.
- What?
We're out of bags. Pick it up!
- (groans)
- Get him out of here, Harold.
I'm sick of looking at his face.
Look at our float! I love our float!
I can't believe we actually
get to ride up there.
Usually parade floats are
for beauty pageant winners
and dogs that have been in movies.
Where's Teddy? Who's driving this thing?
Ghost float!
Pretty sweet, right?
And look what else I
borrowed from The Bear Trap.
♪ Ba Ba-da-da! ♪ T-shirt cannons.
- Yeah! Nice.
- Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!
We don't have T-shirts to shoot, Teddy.
You must have a couple of
old shirts upstairs, Bob.
You could write "Bob Burgers"
on 'em real quick. Right?
It's "Bob's Burgers."
So what are we doing for costumes, Mom?
Here's the plan... Gene's
gonna wear the burger costume,
and I'm gonna use old bed
sheets to make a ketchup bottle,
a mustard bottle and a pickle.
(chuckles) And I'm gonna make
something amazing for myself
that I haven't thought of yet.
A crumpled napkin?
Ooh! What if we do a dance?
(gasp) We could lip-sync!
GENE: Mm-hmm.
Yeah. We bring the boom box,
and we play "Hot Pants Rain Dance."
You know that song?
'Cause it's supposed
to rain tomorrow, right?
The float has speakers.
You could crank it.
It starts off slow, and then it builds
into the best disco
song about rain ever.
Three words for you, Mother:
"It's Raining Men."
Fine, second best.
Sure, I mean, maybe
we could play a song,
but let's not spend
a lot of time on this.
I say we just cover our float
with expensive tissue paper
and call it a night.
(sighs) Great. Jimmy's coming over here.
Hey, Bob.
I don't even want to know what that is.
(chuckles) But, uh, tell me.
It's a float, Jimmy. For Bog to Beach.
Ugh! Bog to Beach is the worst!
Bunch of artsy-fartsy weirdoes
throwing paper cups all
over the place and making
a strange... You know what I'm saying.
We're doing it for the cash prize,
so... there, Jimmy.
And to celebrate the
freaks that weave the fabric
of this funky town.
More the money. And we're gonna hand out
free samples, drum up a little business.
Probably a lot of business. So, yeah.
Yeah, giving away food
is great business, Bob.
And hey, your float looks
dumb, just like your face.
(laughs) And also,
you have another restaurant's
name on it, so good luck.
Can I shoot him, Dad? Can I shoot him?
No. Maybe. Yes, definitely.
- Gene, give me some ammunition.
- Coming right up.
- (Gene grunting)
- And...
Don't... don't do it. Stand...
stand down, stand down.
Fine, standing down.
Huh. I know they said it's
supposed to rain tomorrow,
but it's really nice
out; maybe it won't rain.
(thunder rumbling)
Oh my God, it's raining.
It's raining so much.
These costumes are like sponges.
I lined the inside
of them with sponges.
Oh...
Yeah, Linda, the costumes are...
great.
- Aw, thanks.
- But why are we all pickles?
I made the first pickle,
and it turned out so good
I just kept going.
It looks like maybe we
own a pickle restaurant.
Someone should have checked on me.
I was up there all alone,
just making pickles.
(sighs) Well, at least we're here.
Let's just drive the parade route,
get this float in front of the judges,
and come in last place.
GENE: The Belcher way.
JIMMY: Honk-honk!
Hey, Bob! Horn doesn't
work. Check this out, huh?
This is what a float looks like.
No, no, no, no!
Now there are six floats
and there's only five prizes.
We're gonna have to beat Jimmy.
There goes our whole strategy.
Looks like we're in a bit of a pickle.
'Cause we're... You get it.
- Why are you doing this, Jimmy?
- Hey, hey,
what do you mean? I love this parade.
No, you don't!
Anyway, I do everything better than you.
So, you're gonna lose.
- Ooh, yeah!
- Your float stinks, Jimmy.
And you're not gonna beat us.
Yes, I am. I brought just a
ton of free pizzas to hand out.
Drum up a little business.
You could learn a lot from me, Bob.
That was my idea.
Sorry, I can't hear you
over how good my float is.
(chuckles)
GENE: I don't know where to look first.
It's a freak-peeping bonanza.
Oh, look! It's a naked juggler.
So many balls in the air.
Hey, Marshmallow's here. Hi, girl!
Hi, girl, yourself, you
little Bog to Beach baby.
All right, it's time to
start the parade, everybody!
Let's go!
♪ ♪
Hey, Bobby. You're gonna have
to tell me where to steer.
This thing does not
have windshield wipers.
I got nothing down there.
We gotta use the walkie-talkies.
TEDDY (over walkie): Hey,
Bob. It's Teddy, from before.
Yup.
It's, uh... you get
kind of lonely down here.
You just went down there, Teddy.
I just wish I was up
there with you guys.
I'm coming up!
Teddy, no. It's our turn to go.
So go, and drive straight.
TEDDY. All right. And we're floatin'!
Aah!
Who wants a free T-shirt?
It's coming out of the
cannon... Look alive!
Where were you?
Hey, who wants a free burger?
It's coming out of a boy!
Five second rule. That's
not a problem. It's fine.
Time to unleash the beast.
Here comes my parade wave.
Wipe that blackboard,
wipe that blackboard,
kiss your hand, and
wipe that blackboard.
Hey, Gretchen. You having fun?
Hey, Linda. I've been
having fun since yesterday.
I got the date for the parade wrong,
so I've just been out here.
Bye! What are you supposed to be?
I'm a permaid. A mermaid with a perm.
Yeah, you are. Look at you.
Uh, hi, hey! Who wants some pizza?
Lady, hey, come here,
take a slice, go on.
Stupid Jimmy Pesto!
So, Dad, are you loving this or what?
(growls)
You know what would cheer
up an old crank like you?
- Lip-syncing to some disco.
- Fact.
I gave Teddy the cassette
for "Hot Pants Rain Dance."
I am not an old crank.
I just don't want to pretend
to sing that song right now.
- (engine revs)
- What the hell is he doing?
LINDA: Hey, back off,
Jimmy, we're parading here.
I'm sick of looking at your ugly float.
I'm gonna pass you.
What? You can't pass in a parade, Jimmy.
Get your dumb float away from us.
Hey! You see these pizzas?
Now I'm gonna finish
the parade before you
and bribe the judges with them. (laughs)
What? No! No! You're not, Jimmy.
Because I am not letting you pass us!
I'm gonna... kick your float.
I can almost reach it.
Hey, don't kick my float.
I'm gonna kick your float.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Oh, hey, looks a little
loose right here, huh?
Hey, it came right off in my hand.
You can't do that!
Yeah, get your damn hands off her, Biff!
Hey, what's going on with this one?
It's just coming off all by itself.
Oopsie-oopsie!
BOB: No! Our sign!
Ooh! The judges are definitely
gonna take points off for that.
Get back, Jimmy, or I'll shoot.
Aw, come on, you don't
have it in... Oof!
Oh! Free shirt, though.
Ha! Kids, arm your T-shirt guns.
Keep Jimmy away from our float.
GENE: Say hello to my 50-50 blend.
You shoot a T-shirt
at a guy like a girl!
(groans)
So, like that?
Oh, his face!
Good shot, Louise.
Hey. Hey.
Some, ha, crazy float drama
going on up there, huh?
Yeah, why can't we all
just enjoy the day?
I know, right?
Let's promise to never get
caught up in that mess.
Totally.
Jimmy Jr., quick, grab
that fluttery thing.
- What, this?
- What the hell? I'll kill you!
(gasping): Tina!
Oh, my God. What have we become?
Hey, it's the Belchers!
We know them!
Wait, no, those are pickles.
Hi, pickles!
- Damn it.
- It doesn't look that bad.
Yeah, it's distressed.
- (groans)
- GENE: Shabby chic.
Flabby chic.
Bob, don't let Pesto poop on our parade.
Bye, Bob. I'm gonna go
give pizza to the judges.
Then we'll laugh about how
stupid hamburgers are. (laughs)
Ah! We can't let Jimmy finish first.
Why not?
You know what no one has ever wanted
after a bunch of free pizza?
A bunch of free burgers!
Don't speak for me!
Wait. I know how we can
get back in front of Pesto.
Bob, it's not a race.
That's right, it's a not a race, Lin.
It's a war.
- It's a race war.
- Gene...
Bob, it's a parade.
We're having fun, remember?
No, Lin, Pesto ruined our float.
It looks worse than his now.
He's gonna beat us and get the $500,
unless we go to the judges first,
and give them our burgers before
he gives them his stupid pizza.
- (static crackles)
- Teddy?
Bob? Is that you?
Yes, it's me, Teddy.
Who else would it be?
It's just good to hear a human voice.
Teddy, listen, I need
you to make a left.
What?
We're gonna go left here
on this little side street,
and then we're gonna go right,
and then right again,
and we'll rejoin the parade route,
and we'll be in front of all the floats!
You got it. Going off the parade route.
Sounds like a good idea, Bob.
I miss you. I miss all of you.
- BOB: Sorry, pardon us.
- TINA: Coming through.
GENE: Watch your hula-hoop, sir.
- Look out!
- Heads up!
LINDA: See you soon, parade. Stay funky.
Now we just make a right.
Teddy, turn right here.
Turning right.
BOB: We'll go down the block.
Teddy, give it a little more gas.
Now we'll just make the next right,
and we're back on the route.
There are no rights.
BOB: Oh, no, the street's curving left.
Teddy? Are you seeing this?
We're gonna have to veer left.
Veering left.
Bob! Mayday! Mayday!
We gotta stop and we gotta turn around
and go back the way we came.
We gotta get back on route.
No way, Linda. There's
no turning around.
I mean, literally.
I don't think this can turn around.
We stay the course, there's
gotta be a right somewhere.
We're lost, Bob. Who
gets lost on a float?
Dad did.
Oh, was that not a real question?
Dad, can I shoot you in
the neck with a T-shirt?
No, you cannot shoot me in... (gasps)
TINA: I mean, one float
can be a parade, right?
If there's anyone else on the street,
I'm sure they'd appreciate this.
There's a guy going to the bathroom
between two parked cars.
Yeah! He's got the spirit.
Oh, it's the mayor. Hi, Mayor!
Oh, it... Oh, oh, that's not the mayor.
There's a right. Finally.
Teddy, turn right.
(all groan)
Hey, it looks like we're part of some...
other kind of parade, I think.
Oh yeah, we're in a parade of town cars.
And there's Mort's car up front.
LINDA: Bob, we're in
a funeral procession.
BOB: Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. What do we do?
LOUISE: Hey, they probably
won't even notice us.
Worst case scenario, we
follow this death parade
all the way to a pretty
sweet deli spread.
Oh! Another right!
I think we should do it.
- Teddy, turn right again.
- TEDDY: Turning.
LINDA: Oh, God, the funeral's turning!
GENE: No! Don't follow
us! Don't follow us!
LOUISE: Well, we finally lost them.
LINDA: They'll find another funeral.
I'm feeling good about this.
I think we're minutes away
from finding the parade.
Aw... Oh, come on. Oh!
Oh, great. He's blocking the street.
Hey, Teddy? We got to stop.
- LINDA: Hi! You okay?
- Uh...
Uh, first day.
- Us, too.
- Want a free shirt?
Uh, sure.
(groans) Thanks!
No problem!
Uh, do you need help?
- We have to use the road.
- Maybe.
- Oh, okay, you go up.
- No, Lin, you go up.
- No, you go up.
- No, I'm going...
- I'll go under. Going under.
- BOB: Lift it up.
LINDA: I'll go under. I'm just
going to stand in one place.
- GENE: Mine smells funny.
- Your what?
GENE: Ugh! We're missing it!
People are just traipsing around
in provocative hand-crafted
costumes, and we're lost!
I think we're close.
I really think we're
almost back on route.
I'm sick of your lies, Dad!
Sorry, sorry, I just
got hot for a second.
Mostly I'm really cold and wet.
- (faint cheering, drums beating)
- Wait, wait, did you guys hear that?
- GENE: Did you fart?
- No. Yes, but it was silent.
(gasp) I think it's the parade!
It's definitely a parade.
Oh, my God, I hear it, too.
LINDA: Look! Up there to the right.
Freaky parade people!
Butts! I see butts!
Teddy, we've got a right turn coming up.
We're gonna get back on route,
we're gonna give the
judges burgers before pizza,
and we're gonna get that
fifth place prize money!
(laughs) I knew you could do it, Bob!
I never lost faith in you.
Oh, come on, the road is blocked?
Teddy, stop the float.
Ah, I knew we'd never make it.
We'll just have to put
this thing in reverse
and go until we can get
back onto the route somehow.
I thought this thing
doesn't go in reverse.
It doesn't, but we could all
hop off and push it backwards...
No, Bob, let's not
drive anymore, please.
Lin, but I think we're
close to the finish.
Bob, why don't we leave the float here
and walk the rest of the way?
- We'll come back later and pick it up.
- What?
Come on, Bob, don't you
want to have a little fun
before this whole thing is over?
This parade is not
about having fun, Lin.
No. Of course not.
Well, I want to have a good time.
- Come on, Bob.
- No.
I'm getting this thing to
the finish line before Pesto.
You guys can walk if you want.
Okay. What do you say, kids?
You want to walk the rest of the way
with your mom and all the freaky people?
Freak yes, I do.
- Let's go.
- Let's do this.
All right, Bob, we'll
see you at the beach.
Kids, let's go get weird.
Wow. You chose me over your family.
That's not what happened, Teddy.
I'm on it, Bobby.
Okay, we just have to find another way
back to the parade route.
I think we can still beat Jimmy.
And... there he is.
JIMMY: Hey! Is there a parade
on that street, too, Bob?
(chuckles) A bad one? Uh, zoom!
Damn it. It's over.
Wait. What if we ram the barricades?
Excuse me?
We floor it, hold on tight
and burst right through.
Papier-mâché float, solid barricade.
Let's do it.
The coast is clear, Teddy. We're ready.
Here we go!
(engine revving, tires screeching)
(yelling)
Yes! Oh, the burgers.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(coughing)
Is my ass on fire?
Be honest. A little
bit, Teddy. A little bit.
- Anything?
- TEDDY: Nothing.
Well, we lost.
Pesto beat us.
Judges are, like, 50 yards away
eating his horrible pizza.
We can't even finish and
we're so close to the end.
(sighs) I mean, when you say it out loud
all at once, it makes it sound bad.
Stereo still works.
Want to listen to Linda's tape?
(sighs) Not really.
Oh. I already pressed play.
- Parade puddles!
- Paradles!
Uh, I'm not sure this is
all water... Eh, it's fine.
You don't know what
you're missing up there!
Come down here and splash.
Oh, you're not wearing any underwear.
(over speakers): ♪ Just when I thought ♪
♪ I was lost and washed out ♪
♪ Someone reminded me
what it was all about... ♪
Look at those guys, just
sloppin' around in puddles.
BOB: They do look like
they're having a good time.
♪ Ah, ah, yeah... ♪
(sighs) I guess I haven't
been very fun today.
Yeah, but this really
isn't your scene.
What do you mean?
It's just... Those
people are really fun.
Look at 'em. They're free spirits.
Maybe I have been a little grumpy.
Come on, we're here for the cash prize.
That's what matters here... the money.
What, do we have to
live life to the fullest
at this particular parade?
No. We're here on a job.
(sighs) Oh, my God.
What is wrong with me?
Ah, the beat's about to kick in.
You know what? Turn it up.
♪ ♪
Teddy! Unzip my pickle!
Unzipping your pickle, Bobby.
Is that Bob?
(gasps) He's playing
"Hot Pants Rain Dance"!
It's like a fun, wet,
almost naked version of Dad.
Disco? I'll go.
I'm dancing! I'm having fun!
Hey, kids! I took my clothes off!
TINA: Go, Dad!
Shake what Grandpa gave you!
But maybe not like that!
Lin, I'm sorry I was such a jerk today.
I let Pesto get the best of me.
But I love Bog to Beach now!
I totally get it! (whoops)
Oh, I forgive you, my little
floatstest with the mostest!
Hey, get up here. It's your song.
Kids! Come on!
What happened? Why'd
you stop your float here?
We broke down. We're stuck.
We were trying to get to the judges.
We could push you.
Or someone could push you. Guys?
Let's motorboat this float.
TEDDY (singing along): ♪
Hot pants rain dance! ♪
♪ Da-da, doo-doo rain ♪
♪ I don't know the words. ♪
Get down from there, Jimmy Jr.!
No, Dad! I'm dancing!
(whoops)
Hey. Sorry about earlier, Tina.
I shouldn't have messed up your float.
That was not cool.
It's okay. Sorry I
shot you with a shirt,
and that you crumpled up into
a little ball on the ground
and looked really weak and fragile.
Uh, okay, uh, it really hurt.
Should we have make-up dance?
- Yeah!
- (hooting and hollering)
♪ So hot your pants on fire... ♪
♪ ♪
Well, we were just about to
give the prize for fifth place
to the guy who gave me this wet pizza,
but The Bear Trap just rolled
in here and stole our hearts!
Ladies and gentlemen, fifth place prize
is The Bear Trap!
(gasps) Bobby, that's
us! We're The Bear Trap!
Yes! We won fifth place!
ALL: Yay!
What? We were robbed.
I don't know, man. That was amazing.
They came across the line
and people started dancing.
It felt bigger than all of this.
Oh, would you just shut up.
All right! Mwah!
So I, uh, I wonder what it's gonna cost
to fix this float up, huh?
Bob? Not gonna be cheap.
Don't ruin this, Teddy!
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and shake your pants ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and shake your pants ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Bah bah bah bah bah bah ♪
♪ Hot pants rain dance ♪
♪ Get out there and take a chance... ♪