Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 11 - Easy Commercial, Easy Gommercial - full transcript
To compete with fellow "restaurateur," Jimmy Pesto, and his blowout Super Bowl event, Bob is determined to create a Bob's Burgers commercial to air during the "big game." In an effort to ...
Ah, hmm, looks like Jimmy
Pesto's big Super Bowl weekend
is starting early.
No, no, no.
Higher.
Every year it starts
earlier and earlier.
Like ant season
under Gene's bed.
I'm having my own Super Bowl
blowout this year.
I'm holding all of my BMs
until halftime,
when I will make
a Super Bowel!
Gene, you can't hold
your poops in, all right?
You got to set 'em free
where they can go down the sewer
and they find their families
and they're happy!
I'm their family!
I raised them!
Hey, you know what? We should do
our own Super Bowl promotion.
You know, for people
who want the option
to have good food.
Great idea, Dad.
We can have people over
and order a bunch of Thai.
What? No, Tina.
I'm talking
about our food.
Oh, right.
That'll work, too.
Hmm?
What's that jerk up to?
(bell jingles)
Ugh. What do you
want, Jimmy?
Hey, saw your little sign.
What are you gonna do,
listen to the game
on the radio and then go out
and tell everybody
what happened? Come on.
What are you talking about?
You don't have a TV!
Yeah, we do.
It's right there. Right there.
Where? I don't s...
Uh, where? Oh, yeah!
Little fella.
Yeah! And it has
good horizontal hold!
Sheesh! How old
is that thing?
The players are all gonna
have English accents.
Ah! 'Cause
England's old.
Don't hold my hand.
Get out of here, Jimmy.
Yeah.
It's no wonder
every year my place
is packed for the game,
while you serve two customers.
He's talking about us.
Look alive, Mort!
Oh, yeah?
Well-well, we have
our own Super Bowl idea, Jimmy.
Yeah!
Is it
my Super Bowel?
Bigger.
Impossible!
Our idea's gonna
get us more business
on Sunday than you.
Yeah, that's right,
yeah.
You go, Dad.
Our place will be packed,
and yours will be empty.
Ha!
Like Trev's soul.
Heh. Whoa.
I'm sorry.
(groans)
That's cute that
you think that, Bob.
Almost as cute as your
little cooking booties.
(gasps) They happen
to be clogs, Jimmy.
Yeah? Well, go back
to Holland, you windmill!
He's not a windmill.
You'll see, Jimmy.
My idea's gonna destroy you.
Monday morning, you're gonna be
like, "What the hell happened?"
and I'm gonna be like,
"Bob's idea happened!"
So, what do you got, Bob?
I got nothing.
Aw, nuts.
No, Dad,
we've got nothing.
Thanks, Tina.
Here's something.
It's a grocery list.
Hurry back, and I'll make
zucchini and wienie paninis.
You'll love 'em.
Yay.
Yay.
What am I gonna do
to bring in more business?
Can't let Pesto win. Again.
(high-pitched):
I have an idea.
(normal voice):
What is it, zucchini?
(high-pitched):
You could kill Jimmy Pesto.
(normal):
Yeah, I could kill him.
(high-pitched):
Yeah, kill him today...
with me.
Shove me down his throat.
(normal):
That's a great idea.
No one...
It's a perfect murder.
(high-pitched):
Watch out for that truck!
(normal):
Or...
(high-pitched):
Or what?
(normal): Nothing. Forget it.
Just go back in the bag.
A 15-second local
Super Bowl commercial
is only $3,000.
We can afford it, barely.
I don't know, Bob.
We'd have to empty
almost all our savings.
What if it doesn't work?
It will work.
When everyone in the bi-county
area sees our commercial,
they'll come
to our restaurant.
I didn't know our county was bi.
Good for us.
I'm telling you, Lin, we'll make
that money back and then some.
This is just about you wanting
to one-up Jimmy Pesto.
No, Lin. The fact
that our commercial
will play on all of Jimmy
Pesto's stupid 18 televisions
during the game
has nothing to do with it!
Th-This is about growing
our family business.
We'll get so big,
we'll run Mort off his land
and take his goats!
We'll get so rich, we'll
never be happy again!
$3,000 is a lot
of money, Bobby.
But a Super Bowl commercial
is a game-changer, Lin,
and it'll be fun.
No. We'll put
the whole family in it.
No, I don't think...
You could sing a song.
♪ Let's do it!
The Belchers are
making a commercial!
♪ A family commercial!
Finally, people have a reason
to watch the Super Bowl!
This is an impressive
savings account here.
And then here's yours.
See the difference?
Yes.
Good planning;
Careful saving.
No apparent plan;
Small, random deposits.
Yes, I-I, uh, I get it.
Something. Nothing.
Okay, you've made your point.
Good. I mean, I
shouldn't even be
showing you this other account,
but I couldn't think
of another way to
try to help you.
Well, actually,
it's kind of hurtful.
Aw. Yes,
I'm basically emptying our account,
but it's worth it to have
a commercial
during the Super Bowl.
I mean, I'll be back in here
in no time
depositing twice as much.
Oh, that'll be fun.
I'll have our vault enlarged.
Okay, uh, financing
is in place.
Now we just need a $3,000 idea
for the family commercial.
So, uh, let's do it.
What do we got?
Bobby, I know
a guy who used to be in the NFL;
I bet you could get him.
Really? That could be great.
I don't know.
Celebrity endorsement?
Sounds a little hoity-toity.
Yeah, that might be
a little slick for us.
It's something
Pesto would do.
We'll keep it simple...
just the food
and the family.
How about a slogan?
Uh, "Where's the burger?
Between Bob's buns."
(makes fart noise)
Hmm. Uh, well, not that.
How about this?
"Bob's Burgers,
like a beef in the night."
Mm, no.
Huh.
You can be the Joint
Beefs of Staff.
I don't think so.
Um, how about, uh,
"I beef, you beef,
we'll all beef, uh,
at Bob's Burgers."
Not great, Teddy.
Something like that.
Oh, oh!
"Come meet our family
and let us meat you."
Get it? Meat? Ha!
Hey, Louise,
that's pretty good.
I'm the smart one!
That's good?
Yeah, that could work.
Lin, you could sing that.
Well, yeah, I...
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, now I hear it.
Gene! Give me
something bouncy.
(electronic music playing)
Ma, go!
Uh, two, three!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Bob's Burgers.
That's great!
Ha-ha-ha!
I mean, not that exactly,
but something like that.
I mean, we'll work on it.
It just flew out of me.
I don't... It just came out.
Wow, I love that.
Yeah, then we
just add some dialogue
and show the burgers.
This is gonna work.
Not to be a Missy Pissy, but how
are we going to make the
commercial in just four days?
Well, there is one guy
we could call.
I love it!
That'll be $1,500.
(phone ringing)
Worth it!
This is Randy.
I still can't believe you want
to work with Randy.
How many times
are you gonna
let him hurt you?
We don't know anyone else
who can do this stuff,
and he's cheap.
I wrote it; I should be
the one directing it,
not some idiot.
Louise.
All the best movies
were written and directed
by one girl.
The man did glue
a wig on a cow.
And that worked out.
All right,
here he is;
Get it out now.
Randy's a pain in the butt.
He has bad breath.
He pees sitting down,
facing the toilet!
He smells like a hamster cage!
He's average height.
Tina, that's not
really an insult.
Okay, here he is.
Hey, buddy.
Hello, Belchers.
(others shout greetings)
You're stupid.
What?
Nothing. Hey, uh,
what did you think
about the script?
What did I think
about the script?
Oh, quick question:
Did a kid write it?
Actually, yes.
This kid. Me.
And just to explain
who's in charge,
this is a point-and-
shoot operation;
I point and you shoot.
Well, we will
see about that.
No, I'm the puppet master,
and you're the guy
who gets the puppet master
a glass of water.
Uh, puppets can't get water
for people. That's not true.
There's a lot of movies
where puppets
get water for people.
Okay, guys, guys, guys...
I-I am a filmmaker.
Name one movie where
puppets get water for people.
Pretty Woman.
I will have
to rent that and see.
Come on.
Randy, look at this.
Pretty good, huh?
Miniature city for
our big final shot.
It's not awful.
And Linda and Tina
unroll the banner.
With glamour.
♪ While we sing.
Lovely. And where's the banner?
(sings fanfare)
Ha! There...
Oh, there, yeah.
Wow. That's great.
You spelled "meat"
with little hamburgers.
So you know it's meat.
They look like
little butts, Tina.
Yeah, it works
on every level.
And... LOUISE: Action!
action!
Only I say "action,"
and I just said it,
so action!
♪ Come meet
our family ♪
And let our
family meat you.
Hey, meat me.
(plate shatters)
(groans)
Cut! Cut! Cut, cut.
Everybody stop
saying "cut."
I will say "cut."
Oh, I screwed that up.
My fault.
Butterfingers over here.
Everyone was wrong. Cut. Sorry. No.
There's one for
your blooper reel, right?
Show that
at the wrap party.
At Bob's Burgers,
we use only
the freshest ingredients.
Cut.
Tina, what was that?
A sexy hair flip.
Why? Was it too sexy?
No, just why are
you doing that?
It's for my "wow" factor.
So Jimmy Jr. sees the commercial
and goes, "Wow."
Stick to the
script, Tina.
You can weird it up
in the mirror
whenever you want,
'kay, doll?
And action, Burger-Zilla!
Bob's Burgers has the biggest
flavor in all the land!
Bah! Bah! Bah!
Gene.
What?
And cue Linda!
So come... come by
Bob's Burgers today...
(hacking):
♪ After the game...
(coughs)
And cue the banner!
Tell us football
sent you. Mm!
And cut!
That's a wrap!
I'm a director!
We did it!
I did it! I did!
We're the best family ever!
BELCHERS (off-key):
♪ And let us meat you.
Oh, my God.
"Oh, my God,"
you love it?
Oh, my God,
we're screwed.
"Oh, my God, we're screwed,"
you love it?
No. Oh, my God,
we're screwed, we're screwed.
"Oh, my God, we're screwed,
we're screwed," you love it?
No. Oh, my God,
we're screwed, we're screwed,
we're really, really,
really screwed.
Hey, Bob, what
do you think?
Why did I think
this was a good idea?
Why did I throw all
our money away on this?
Despite the brilliant
camera work,
I think the problem
is the script
written by a nine-year-old.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Learn to direct, you hack.
I am learning.
Bobby, it's not that bad.
It is that bad, Lin.
The banner broke,
Tina did that
weird thing with her hair,
Teddy can't catch a burger.
I just couldn't get my
head around my character.
All right, so what do
we do, Mr. Super Troll?
We already bought the airtime;
We got to air something.
Here's what you need
to do: Fire Randy...
(gasps, chuckles):
I don't think that's the answer.
I'll direct it, like I should
have in the first place,
and it'll frickin' sparkle!
Maybe I could try spinning
my hair the other way.
Like this.
(grunts)
Teddy, what's the name
of that NFL guy you know?
No.
Sandy Frye. Want me to call him?
No. Do you think he'd
work for less than $500?
Well, he really wants
to break into acting.
He'd probably do it
just for the experience.
Great.
What?!
We can tell people
to come to Bob's Burgers
after the game
and meet a real NFL player.
They'll be running
out of Pesto's to come here!
A football player
in a Super Bowl commercial...
it's a slam dunk!
You want to replace
my commercial
with Sandy Frye?
Not replace, Louise,
just reshoot a little,
add some stuff.
I thought
a celebrity endorsement
was too slick for us.
Let's just take the family
out of the family commercial,
then we'll take the burgers out,
then the restaurant out...
it'll be great!
It's still a family
commercial, Louise.
We're just adding a new
member to the family...
who has name recognition,
and is more appealing.
Mom, you're letting this happen?
Well, you know, I let a lot
of stuff happen I don't like.
Gene's haircut...
What?
I want to feather it.
Come here. (grunting)
I want my name off this project
and my last name off my name!
Now it's just Louise Louise!
RANDY: Sandy "Can-Can" Frye.
Here we go.
Highlight reel.
Why do they call him "Can-Can"?
BOB:
Oh, yeah, I remember.
Every time
he sacked a quarterback,
he'd celebrate
by doing the can-can.
That was his thing.
It was a simpler time.
I also brought
in some props
to make the new final
shot look more footbally.
Some pom-poms
for Linda.
Rah-rah!
Pom-poms for the mom-moms!
For Gene, I brought
this mouth guard,
which I need
back by tonight.
I grind my teeth.
(grunts)
And a referee
shirt for Louise.
No way. I'm not
being the referee.
I took the shirt off
my teddy bear,
and you're the only one
who it'll fit.
Tough break, Randy.
Sorry about
your naked bear.
Louise, a word, please?
Listen to me! I know
we've had our differences,
but I need this!
Admit you're a hack,
and I'll do it.
I am not a hack!
Then I'm not a ref.
Fine, I'm a hack!
But I'm learning,
and soon I won't be a hack.
But you... you'll always
be a little girl.
He said he's a hack!
Just so you know!
Good girl, Louise.
Cooperation!
Did someone here
order an NFL legend?
Because next door,
they did not,
and they yelled
at me to leave.
Hi. I'm Sandy.
Thanks for giving
me an opportunity
to act in your
commercial.
I've been working
on my accents.
Which would
you prefer?
"G'day, mate" or
"That's a-spicy"?
I, um... I...
Can you do
a Russian accent?
Can I?
'Ey! I'm a-Russian!
It's a-so cold, it's a...
No, I cannot.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I think just your regular voice
will be great, Sandy.
I'm playing myself?
Yes.
You got it, Bob.
I'm here to carry out
your vision,
even if you don't want me
to do an accent.
Now that's a great
attitude!
Great attitude,
terrible concept
for a commercial,
hack director.
Let's do this!
Yeah, let's do this!
I was being
sarcastic, Sandy.
And I was ignoring it,
little tiny person.
Why do you eat
at Bob's Burgers, Sandy?
Because your burgers
go great with Frye.
(grunting)
Sandy Can-Can Frye!
Right on!
See, it's already working.
People love Sandy!
Except that guy ruined the shot.
Because your burgers
go great with Frye.
Okay, that's a wrap!
Wow! Great day, everyone!
Great day!
Hey, all this acting
makes me hungry.
Let's celebrate with
some sesame cheddar blasts.
Uh, we don't have that.
And maybe some toasted
jalapeño points.
Is that a thing?
Mozzarella volcanoes?
Uh, we just have
burgers and fries, so...
See you Sunday!
Okay great, Sandy.
Thank you. You were amazing.
(mocking):
You were amazing, Sandy.
I want to marry you
so I can be Bob Can-Can.
I wouldn't
take his name.
BOB:
I'm thinking, uh,
what if we maybe zoom in
a little more?
Like that?
A little more.
That?
Little more.
Something like this?
Mm, more.
This? (high-pitched): Little more.
(high-pitched): This? Perfect.
BOB:
Enjoy it while
it lasts, Pesto.
Soon, they'll all
be coming here.
(phone ringing)
Bob's Burgers.
Bob speaking.
MAN:
Um, hello, dear.
Yes, I'd like
to make a reservation.
Oh, uh, actually,
that's a good idea.
We're gonna be slammed.
Uh, what time would you like
to come in?
Um, at you're-an-idiot o'clock!
(laughs) This is
Jimmy Pesto here.
Hilarious, Jimmy.
Looks like whatever
dumb idea
you had to outdo me
really paid off.
Not!
My idea will pay off, Jimmy!
Oh, really?
You have no idea
what's coming your way.
Here's what's coming your
way. (blows raspberries)
Hey, hang that up
for me, would you?
Stupid Pesto!
How much longer till halftime?
My contractions are
nine minutes apart!
(groaning) Just go to
the bathroom, Gene.
You made it all
the way to Sunday.
It's still heroic.
You just don't understand the
pageantry of the Super Bowel.
Oh, my God, it's almost kickoff.
Our commercial is gonna air
any minute.
Oh, God!
I'm so excited.
I can't wait to see it, Bobby.
Hey, we're on!
I'm already addicted
to fame! And carbs.
Now I'll be recognized
for something other
than wearing my shirt backwards
at school that one time.
At Bob's Burgers, we only use
the freshest ingredients,
and we grind our meat
right here.
Mmm. That's a ten-yard penalty
for unnecessary deliciousness.
Hey, you're NFL great
Sandy Can-Can Frye.
And you're Bob.
Come see me here
after the Super Bowl.
He'll give you
the best burger
you've ever had,
and I'll give you a high five.
Tell me, Sandy. Why do you like
Bob's Burgers so much?
Because Bob's Burgers
goes great with Frye.
(festive music playing)
(grunting)
BOB: Bob's Burgers, conveniently
located on Ocean Avenue.
Open Monday through "Frye" day.
Also Saturday and Sunday.
Can-can!
Wow! That turned out great!
But the family
was barely in it!
You didn't even
show my hair flip.
And where was the Giant
Burger Boy who pees mustard?
The star of
the commercial!
You cut out all
of the singing!
All of it!
I to you!
Dad threw us
under the bus!
Hey, I understand
you're all disappointed,
but Randy and I thought
this was the best way to go,
and Sandy is so great
and likeable that... Dah.
Is this what
you wanted, Dad?
All you had
to do was ask!
Yeah, Dad. Happy now?
(rhythmic grunting)
No. I mean, yes,
about our commercial.
But no, no.
Get used
to it, Dad!
This is all we can-can do
from now on! (grunting)
Yeah... Bob! (grunting)
Oh, yeah? Well, this is what's
going to get us customers!
(all grunting)
How long are we
going to can-can?
'Cause this is hurting.
It doesn't end!
You do it till you die!
Yeah!
Ow! Ow!
Hey, look.
Sandy is still on TV! What?
JIMMY: So, Sandy Frye,
why will you be at Jimmy Pesto's
signing autographs during
and after the Super Bowl?
You know, instead of at some
stupid greasy burger shack?
Because Jimmy Pesto's pizza
goes great with Frye.
All right.
(screaming)
What the hell?!
That doesn't even make sense!
Pizza doesn't go well
with Frye!
BOB:
I don't believe it.
Pesto stole
our commercial.
We're sunk.
He beat us again!
Who's us? The family
you turned your back on?
Yeah, now you know
how we feel, Bob.
The betrayer
is betrayed.
Karma's a bitch,
and then you die.
I'm so upset I don't even have
to go to the bathroom anymore.
Either that, or maybe
I'm going right now.
Oh, I really do still
have to go quite a bit.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go settle up
with Pesto!
God. I can't get this apron off!
Stop. You're like a mental
patient in a straitjacket.
Tina, untie the back!
Karma's a bitch.
Oh, my God!
Forget it!
I'll wear it over there!
Ah, great commercial, Bob.
I'm being sarcastic.
It was terrible.
Ta... You... you
never support me!
Mm.
Randy!
Mm! I always watch
the game here, Bob!
You!
Down in front!
Yeah! Down in
front, Front Butt!
Yeah, you make a better door
than a window, and you're fat!
(laughs)
Classic.
You stole my commercial, Jimmy!
You stole... him!
Oh, hey, Bob! Pizza?
No, I don't want pizza!
I'm angry at you!
Oh, because of the commercial?
Yes! Sandy, how could you?
Before you reject
my olive branch,
which is pizza with olives,
let me explain.
After I finished shooting
your commercial, I came here
to get some imaginative
appetizers and some pizza...
two things you don't serve...
and I may have told Jimmy Pesto
that I'm an actor now
and I had just shot
a commercial with you
to air during the Super Bowl.
Which, in hindsight,
is probably how
Jimmy got the idea
to do one himself.
With the same tag line.
But I hired you first!
If I hurt your feelings,
or broke a contract with you,
that was an honest mistake.
Live and learn.
Yeah, Bob.
Live and learn,
and lose. Again!
All right, that's it! (grunts)
Unplug! Unplug!
(crowd groaning)
No, not my satellites!
(grunts) Stay calm, everyone.
I'll have 'em back on
in a second. (laughs)
MAN: Hey, that's
that guy from that commercial!
Oh, good.
You saw my commercial.
You copied Pesto!
What?! No!
I did it first!
Pesto copied me!
Cry-baby copycat!
(laughs):
Cry-baby copycat!
No! The commercial
with Sandy was my idea!
And Jimmy Pesto stole it!
(grunting)
Stop throwing food at me!
Wow, it's getting
physical over there.
Let's just remember him
as he was and move on.
Well, can't
leave him there.
Come on,
let's go get him.
Fine.
Wait. Let's let him get hit
by one more meatball.
There it is.
Okay, let's go.
I'd go with you,
but I don't want
to give up my seat.
It's a good spot.
Nah! Stop it!
Nah... Ow!
This guy, am I right?
Anyway, would you
like to see an outtake
from our family
commercial?
Uh... sure?
Mm. Did I wow you?
I guess.
Yes.
Ow! Come on!
36 percent!
Oh, my God.
None of this
ever should have happened.
I-I made a great commercial
with my family.
It was funny and cute.
Well, it wasn't that funny,
but it was good.
Well, it wasn't that good,
but... but
it was us.
And I scrapped it
to make a commercial
I thought
would get more customers.
I never should have done that.
Ha-ha, 59%, folks!
(clapping)
Thank you, Sandy.
Oh, no, I was just
responding to the 59%.
JIMMY: 62! Don't you...
Don't...
No! No!
Don't clap for that!
Listen!
Listen to me!
I-I made a terrible commercial,
but my food's good.
You should try it... someday.
They're back on!
They're back on!
The TVs are on, everybody!
Ha, ha! The game!
All right!
Now, you, get
out of here!
Go stand on your own
counter; It's already dirty.
Yeah, Bobby, let's go.
Linda! Kids!
We heard every
word, Bob.
That was beautiful.
Took you
a while to get there,
but you finally realized
I was right.
As always.
That was just
so moving.
Speaking of moving,
I think
my butt water broke!
I'll be right
back. Don't go!
Gene, wait.
Thought you were leaving.
We're going to.
Gene just had to use
your stupid bathroom.
It's for customers only!
Can I get
a Pesto Colada?
Lin!
What?
I'm sorry I couldn't hold you
until halftime.
If I did, I can only imagine
you'd be an even more
Super Bowel.
We'll try it again next year.
Good-bye, handsome.
You look like a fighter.
I hope you go down.
I kept flushing!
I kept flushing!
Oh, my God!
You kept
flushing what?
What happened?
What-what happened?
He's a fighter. He's a
fighter. We have to move.
(gasps)
Gene's super bowel.
Oh, you kept flushing the toilet.
Oh, no.
(water rumbling)
(crowd screaming)
Aah, gross! Ew!
Oh, my God! Go!
Save yourselves!
Just remember me!
Tell them what happened today!
My heart will go on!
Oh, hey, there's my commercial
for Tran's Noodles.
'Cause Tran's Noodles go great
with Frye.
I was in a lot
of commercials today.
Oh, my God,
they're all leaving Pesto's!
They'll have to come
to us! We'll be packed!
Well, three people.
Ha! Three people,
Jimmy! Yeah!
♪ Our food is great
♪ Our staff's
full of surprises ♪
♪ So come on down to Bob's
♪ For some burgers
and some frieses ♪
(Bob beatboxes)
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ With these!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ With these!
Bob's Burgers has the biggest
flavor in all the land!
Bah! Bah! Bah!
(screams)
The flavor's so big!
(all screaming)
(Bob beatboxes)
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Meat me!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Meat me!
♪ Bob's Burgers.
(makes fart noise)
BOB: Bob's Burgers conveniently
located on Ocean Avenue.
Open Monday through...
Pesto's big Super Bowl weekend
is starting early.
No, no, no.
Higher.
Every year it starts
earlier and earlier.
Like ant season
under Gene's bed.
I'm having my own Super Bowl
blowout this year.
I'm holding all of my BMs
until halftime,
when I will make
a Super Bowel!
Gene, you can't hold
your poops in, all right?
You got to set 'em free
where they can go down the sewer
and they find their families
and they're happy!
I'm their family!
I raised them!
Hey, you know what? We should do
our own Super Bowl promotion.
You know, for people
who want the option
to have good food.
Great idea, Dad.
We can have people over
and order a bunch of Thai.
What? No, Tina.
I'm talking
about our food.
Oh, right.
That'll work, too.
Hmm?
What's that jerk up to?
(bell jingles)
Ugh. What do you
want, Jimmy?
Hey, saw your little sign.
What are you gonna do,
listen to the game
on the radio and then go out
and tell everybody
what happened? Come on.
What are you talking about?
You don't have a TV!
Yeah, we do.
It's right there. Right there.
Where? I don't s...
Uh, where? Oh, yeah!
Little fella.
Yeah! And it has
good horizontal hold!
Sheesh! How old
is that thing?
The players are all gonna
have English accents.
Ah! 'Cause
England's old.
Don't hold my hand.
Get out of here, Jimmy.
Yeah.
It's no wonder
every year my place
is packed for the game,
while you serve two customers.
He's talking about us.
Look alive, Mort!
Oh, yeah?
Well-well, we have
our own Super Bowl idea, Jimmy.
Yeah!
Is it
my Super Bowel?
Bigger.
Impossible!
Our idea's gonna
get us more business
on Sunday than you.
Yeah, that's right,
yeah.
You go, Dad.
Our place will be packed,
and yours will be empty.
Ha!
Like Trev's soul.
Heh. Whoa.
I'm sorry.
(groans)
That's cute that
you think that, Bob.
Almost as cute as your
little cooking booties.
(gasps) They happen
to be clogs, Jimmy.
Yeah? Well, go back
to Holland, you windmill!
He's not a windmill.
You'll see, Jimmy.
My idea's gonna destroy you.
Monday morning, you're gonna be
like, "What the hell happened?"
and I'm gonna be like,
"Bob's idea happened!"
So, what do you got, Bob?
I got nothing.
Aw, nuts.
No, Dad,
we've got nothing.
Thanks, Tina.
Here's something.
It's a grocery list.
Hurry back, and I'll make
zucchini and wienie paninis.
You'll love 'em.
Yay.
Yay.
What am I gonna do
to bring in more business?
Can't let Pesto win. Again.
(high-pitched):
I have an idea.
(normal voice):
What is it, zucchini?
(high-pitched):
You could kill Jimmy Pesto.
(normal):
Yeah, I could kill him.
(high-pitched):
Yeah, kill him today...
with me.
Shove me down his throat.
(normal):
That's a great idea.
No one...
It's a perfect murder.
(high-pitched):
Watch out for that truck!
(normal):
Or...
(high-pitched):
Or what?
(normal): Nothing. Forget it.
Just go back in the bag.
A 15-second local
Super Bowl commercial
is only $3,000.
We can afford it, barely.
I don't know, Bob.
We'd have to empty
almost all our savings.
What if it doesn't work?
It will work.
When everyone in the bi-county
area sees our commercial,
they'll come
to our restaurant.
I didn't know our county was bi.
Good for us.
I'm telling you, Lin, we'll make
that money back and then some.
This is just about you wanting
to one-up Jimmy Pesto.
No, Lin. The fact
that our commercial
will play on all of Jimmy
Pesto's stupid 18 televisions
during the game
has nothing to do with it!
Th-This is about growing
our family business.
We'll get so big,
we'll run Mort off his land
and take his goats!
We'll get so rich, we'll
never be happy again!
$3,000 is a lot
of money, Bobby.
But a Super Bowl commercial
is a game-changer, Lin,
and it'll be fun.
No. We'll put
the whole family in it.
No, I don't think...
You could sing a song.
♪ Let's do it!
The Belchers are
making a commercial!
♪ A family commercial!
Finally, people have a reason
to watch the Super Bowl!
This is an impressive
savings account here.
And then here's yours.
See the difference?
Yes.
Good planning;
Careful saving.
No apparent plan;
Small, random deposits.
Yes, I-I, uh, I get it.
Something. Nothing.
Okay, you've made your point.
Good. I mean, I
shouldn't even be
showing you this other account,
but I couldn't think
of another way to
try to help you.
Well, actually,
it's kind of hurtful.
Aw. Yes,
I'm basically emptying our account,
but it's worth it to have
a commercial
during the Super Bowl.
I mean, I'll be back in here
in no time
depositing twice as much.
Oh, that'll be fun.
I'll have our vault enlarged.
Okay, uh, financing
is in place.
Now we just need a $3,000 idea
for the family commercial.
So, uh, let's do it.
What do we got?
Bobby, I know
a guy who used to be in the NFL;
I bet you could get him.
Really? That could be great.
I don't know.
Celebrity endorsement?
Sounds a little hoity-toity.
Yeah, that might be
a little slick for us.
It's something
Pesto would do.
We'll keep it simple...
just the food
and the family.
How about a slogan?
Uh, "Where's the burger?
Between Bob's buns."
(makes fart noise)
Hmm. Uh, well, not that.
How about this?
"Bob's Burgers,
like a beef in the night."
Mm, no.
Huh.
You can be the Joint
Beefs of Staff.
I don't think so.
Um, how about, uh,
"I beef, you beef,
we'll all beef, uh,
at Bob's Burgers."
Not great, Teddy.
Something like that.
Oh, oh!
"Come meet our family
and let us meat you."
Get it? Meat? Ha!
Hey, Louise,
that's pretty good.
I'm the smart one!
That's good?
Yeah, that could work.
Lin, you could sing that.
Well, yeah, I...
Yeah, yeah.
Yes, now I hear it.
Gene! Give me
something bouncy.
(electronic music playing)
Ma, go!
Uh, two, three!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Bob's Burgers.
That's great!
Ha-ha-ha!
I mean, not that exactly,
but something like that.
I mean, we'll work on it.
It just flew out of me.
I don't... It just came out.
Wow, I love that.
Yeah, then we
just add some dialogue
and show the burgers.
This is gonna work.
Not to be a Missy Pissy, but how
are we going to make the
commercial in just four days?
Well, there is one guy
we could call.
I love it!
That'll be $1,500.
(phone ringing)
Worth it!
This is Randy.
I still can't believe you want
to work with Randy.
How many times
are you gonna
let him hurt you?
We don't know anyone else
who can do this stuff,
and he's cheap.
I wrote it; I should be
the one directing it,
not some idiot.
Louise.
All the best movies
were written and directed
by one girl.
The man did glue
a wig on a cow.
And that worked out.
All right,
here he is;
Get it out now.
Randy's a pain in the butt.
He has bad breath.
He pees sitting down,
facing the toilet!
He smells like a hamster cage!
He's average height.
Tina, that's not
really an insult.
Okay, here he is.
Hey, buddy.
Hello, Belchers.
(others shout greetings)
You're stupid.
What?
Nothing. Hey, uh,
what did you think
about the script?
What did I think
about the script?
Oh, quick question:
Did a kid write it?
Actually, yes.
This kid. Me.
And just to explain
who's in charge,
this is a point-and-
shoot operation;
I point and you shoot.
Well, we will
see about that.
No, I'm the puppet master,
and you're the guy
who gets the puppet master
a glass of water.
Uh, puppets can't get water
for people. That's not true.
There's a lot of movies
where puppets
get water for people.
Okay, guys, guys, guys...
I-I am a filmmaker.
Name one movie where
puppets get water for people.
Pretty Woman.
I will have
to rent that and see.
Come on.
Randy, look at this.
Pretty good, huh?
Miniature city for
our big final shot.
It's not awful.
And Linda and Tina
unroll the banner.
With glamour.
♪ While we sing.
Lovely. And where's the banner?
(sings fanfare)
Ha! There...
Oh, there, yeah.
Wow. That's great.
You spelled "meat"
with little hamburgers.
So you know it's meat.
They look like
little butts, Tina.
Yeah, it works
on every level.
And... LOUISE: Action!
action!
Only I say "action,"
and I just said it,
so action!
♪ Come meet
our family ♪
And let our
family meat you.
Hey, meat me.
(plate shatters)
(groans)
Cut! Cut! Cut, cut.
Everybody stop
saying "cut."
I will say "cut."
Oh, I screwed that up.
My fault.
Butterfingers over here.
Everyone was wrong. Cut. Sorry. No.
There's one for
your blooper reel, right?
Show that
at the wrap party.
At Bob's Burgers,
we use only
the freshest ingredients.
Cut.
Tina, what was that?
A sexy hair flip.
Why? Was it too sexy?
No, just why are
you doing that?
It's for my "wow" factor.
So Jimmy Jr. sees the commercial
and goes, "Wow."
Stick to the
script, Tina.
You can weird it up
in the mirror
whenever you want,
'kay, doll?
And action, Burger-Zilla!
Bob's Burgers has the biggest
flavor in all the land!
Bah! Bah! Bah!
Gene.
What?
And cue Linda!
So come... come by
Bob's Burgers today...
(hacking):
♪ After the game...
(coughs)
And cue the banner!
Tell us football
sent you. Mm!
And cut!
That's a wrap!
I'm a director!
We did it!
I did it! I did!
We're the best family ever!
BELCHERS (off-key):
♪ And let us meat you.
Oh, my God.
"Oh, my God,"
you love it?
Oh, my God,
we're screwed.
"Oh, my God, we're screwed,"
you love it?
No. Oh, my God,
we're screwed, we're screwed.
"Oh, my God, we're screwed,
we're screwed," you love it?
No. Oh, my God,
we're screwed, we're screwed,
we're really, really,
really screwed.
Hey, Bob, what
do you think?
Why did I think
this was a good idea?
Why did I throw all
our money away on this?
Despite the brilliant
camera work,
I think the problem
is the script
written by a nine-year-old.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Learn to direct, you hack.
I am learning.
Bobby, it's not that bad.
It is that bad, Lin.
The banner broke,
Tina did that
weird thing with her hair,
Teddy can't catch a burger.
I just couldn't get my
head around my character.
All right, so what do
we do, Mr. Super Troll?
We already bought the airtime;
We got to air something.
Here's what you need
to do: Fire Randy...
(gasps, chuckles):
I don't think that's the answer.
I'll direct it, like I should
have in the first place,
and it'll frickin' sparkle!
Maybe I could try spinning
my hair the other way.
Like this.
(grunts)
Teddy, what's the name
of that NFL guy you know?
No.
Sandy Frye. Want me to call him?
No. Do you think he'd
work for less than $500?
Well, he really wants
to break into acting.
He'd probably do it
just for the experience.
Great.
What?!
We can tell people
to come to Bob's Burgers
after the game
and meet a real NFL player.
They'll be running
out of Pesto's to come here!
A football player
in a Super Bowl commercial...
it's a slam dunk!
You want to replace
my commercial
with Sandy Frye?
Not replace, Louise,
just reshoot a little,
add some stuff.
I thought
a celebrity endorsement
was too slick for us.
Let's just take the family
out of the family commercial,
then we'll take the burgers out,
then the restaurant out...
it'll be great!
It's still a family
commercial, Louise.
We're just adding a new
member to the family...
who has name recognition,
and is more appealing.
Mom, you're letting this happen?
Well, you know, I let a lot
of stuff happen I don't like.
Gene's haircut...
What?
I want to feather it.
Come here. (grunting)
I want my name off this project
and my last name off my name!
Now it's just Louise Louise!
RANDY: Sandy "Can-Can" Frye.
Here we go.
Highlight reel.
Why do they call him "Can-Can"?
BOB:
Oh, yeah, I remember.
Every time
he sacked a quarterback,
he'd celebrate
by doing the can-can.
That was his thing.
It was a simpler time.
I also brought
in some props
to make the new final
shot look more footbally.
Some pom-poms
for Linda.
Rah-rah!
Pom-poms for the mom-moms!
For Gene, I brought
this mouth guard,
which I need
back by tonight.
I grind my teeth.
(grunts)
And a referee
shirt for Louise.
No way. I'm not
being the referee.
I took the shirt off
my teddy bear,
and you're the only one
who it'll fit.
Tough break, Randy.
Sorry about
your naked bear.
Louise, a word, please?
Listen to me! I know
we've had our differences,
but I need this!
Admit you're a hack,
and I'll do it.
I am not a hack!
Then I'm not a ref.
Fine, I'm a hack!
But I'm learning,
and soon I won't be a hack.
But you... you'll always
be a little girl.
He said he's a hack!
Just so you know!
Good girl, Louise.
Cooperation!
Did someone here
order an NFL legend?
Because next door,
they did not,
and they yelled
at me to leave.
Hi. I'm Sandy.
Thanks for giving
me an opportunity
to act in your
commercial.
I've been working
on my accents.
Which would
you prefer?
"G'day, mate" or
"That's a-spicy"?
I, um... I...
Can you do
a Russian accent?
Can I?
'Ey! I'm a-Russian!
It's a-so cold, it's a...
No, I cannot.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I think just your regular voice
will be great, Sandy.
I'm playing myself?
Yes.
You got it, Bob.
I'm here to carry out
your vision,
even if you don't want me
to do an accent.
Now that's a great
attitude!
Great attitude,
terrible concept
for a commercial,
hack director.
Let's do this!
Yeah, let's do this!
I was being
sarcastic, Sandy.
And I was ignoring it,
little tiny person.
Why do you eat
at Bob's Burgers, Sandy?
Because your burgers
go great with Frye.
(grunting)
Sandy Can-Can Frye!
Right on!
See, it's already working.
People love Sandy!
Except that guy ruined the shot.
Because your burgers
go great with Frye.
Okay, that's a wrap!
Wow! Great day, everyone!
Great day!
Hey, all this acting
makes me hungry.
Let's celebrate with
some sesame cheddar blasts.
Uh, we don't have that.
And maybe some toasted
jalapeño points.
Is that a thing?
Mozzarella volcanoes?
Uh, we just have
burgers and fries, so...
See you Sunday!
Okay great, Sandy.
Thank you. You were amazing.
(mocking):
You were amazing, Sandy.
I want to marry you
so I can be Bob Can-Can.
I wouldn't
take his name.
BOB:
I'm thinking, uh,
what if we maybe zoom in
a little more?
Like that?
A little more.
That?
Little more.
Something like this?
Mm, more.
This? (high-pitched): Little more.
(high-pitched): This? Perfect.
BOB:
Enjoy it while
it lasts, Pesto.
Soon, they'll all
be coming here.
(phone ringing)
Bob's Burgers.
Bob speaking.
MAN:
Um, hello, dear.
Yes, I'd like
to make a reservation.
Oh, uh, actually,
that's a good idea.
We're gonna be slammed.
Uh, what time would you like
to come in?
Um, at you're-an-idiot o'clock!
(laughs) This is
Jimmy Pesto here.
Hilarious, Jimmy.
Looks like whatever
dumb idea
you had to outdo me
really paid off.
Not!
My idea will pay off, Jimmy!
Oh, really?
You have no idea
what's coming your way.
Here's what's coming your
way. (blows raspberries)
Hey, hang that up
for me, would you?
Stupid Pesto!
How much longer till halftime?
My contractions are
nine minutes apart!
(groaning) Just go to
the bathroom, Gene.
You made it all
the way to Sunday.
It's still heroic.
You just don't understand the
pageantry of the Super Bowel.
Oh, my God, it's almost kickoff.
Our commercial is gonna air
any minute.
Oh, God!
I'm so excited.
I can't wait to see it, Bobby.
Hey, we're on!
I'm already addicted
to fame! And carbs.
Now I'll be recognized
for something other
than wearing my shirt backwards
at school that one time.
At Bob's Burgers, we only use
the freshest ingredients,
and we grind our meat
right here.
Mmm. That's a ten-yard penalty
for unnecessary deliciousness.
Hey, you're NFL great
Sandy Can-Can Frye.
And you're Bob.
Come see me here
after the Super Bowl.
He'll give you
the best burger
you've ever had,
and I'll give you a high five.
Tell me, Sandy. Why do you like
Bob's Burgers so much?
Because Bob's Burgers
goes great with Frye.
(festive music playing)
(grunting)
BOB: Bob's Burgers, conveniently
located on Ocean Avenue.
Open Monday through "Frye" day.
Also Saturday and Sunday.
Can-can!
Wow! That turned out great!
But the family
was barely in it!
You didn't even
show my hair flip.
And where was the Giant
Burger Boy who pees mustard?
The star of
the commercial!
You cut out all
of the singing!
All of it!
I to you!
Dad threw us
under the bus!
Hey, I understand
you're all disappointed,
but Randy and I thought
this was the best way to go,
and Sandy is so great
and likeable that... Dah.
Is this what
you wanted, Dad?
All you had
to do was ask!
Yeah, Dad. Happy now?
(rhythmic grunting)
No. I mean, yes,
about our commercial.
But no, no.
Get used
to it, Dad!
This is all we can-can do
from now on! (grunting)
Yeah... Bob! (grunting)
Oh, yeah? Well, this is what's
going to get us customers!
(all grunting)
How long are we
going to can-can?
'Cause this is hurting.
It doesn't end!
You do it till you die!
Yeah!
Ow! Ow!
Hey, look.
Sandy is still on TV! What?
JIMMY: So, Sandy Frye,
why will you be at Jimmy Pesto's
signing autographs during
and after the Super Bowl?
You know, instead of at some
stupid greasy burger shack?
Because Jimmy Pesto's pizza
goes great with Frye.
All right.
(screaming)
What the hell?!
That doesn't even make sense!
Pizza doesn't go well
with Frye!
BOB:
I don't believe it.
Pesto stole
our commercial.
We're sunk.
He beat us again!
Who's us? The family
you turned your back on?
Yeah, now you know
how we feel, Bob.
The betrayer
is betrayed.
Karma's a bitch,
and then you die.
I'm so upset I don't even have
to go to the bathroom anymore.
Either that, or maybe
I'm going right now.
Oh, I really do still
have to go quite a bit.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna go settle up
with Pesto!
God. I can't get this apron off!
Stop. You're like a mental
patient in a straitjacket.
Tina, untie the back!
Karma's a bitch.
Oh, my God!
Forget it!
I'll wear it over there!
Ah, great commercial, Bob.
I'm being sarcastic.
It was terrible.
Ta... You... you
never support me!
Mm.
Randy!
Mm! I always watch
the game here, Bob!
You!
Down in front!
Yeah! Down in
front, Front Butt!
Yeah, you make a better door
than a window, and you're fat!
(laughs)
Classic.
You stole my commercial, Jimmy!
You stole... him!
Oh, hey, Bob! Pizza?
No, I don't want pizza!
I'm angry at you!
Oh, because of the commercial?
Yes! Sandy, how could you?
Before you reject
my olive branch,
which is pizza with olives,
let me explain.
After I finished shooting
your commercial, I came here
to get some imaginative
appetizers and some pizza...
two things you don't serve...
and I may have told Jimmy Pesto
that I'm an actor now
and I had just shot
a commercial with you
to air during the Super Bowl.
Which, in hindsight,
is probably how
Jimmy got the idea
to do one himself.
With the same tag line.
But I hired you first!
If I hurt your feelings,
or broke a contract with you,
that was an honest mistake.
Live and learn.
Yeah, Bob.
Live and learn,
and lose. Again!
All right, that's it! (grunts)
Unplug! Unplug!
(crowd groaning)
No, not my satellites!
(grunts) Stay calm, everyone.
I'll have 'em back on
in a second. (laughs)
MAN: Hey, that's
that guy from that commercial!
Oh, good.
You saw my commercial.
You copied Pesto!
What?! No!
I did it first!
Pesto copied me!
Cry-baby copycat!
(laughs):
Cry-baby copycat!
No! The commercial
with Sandy was my idea!
And Jimmy Pesto stole it!
(grunting)
Stop throwing food at me!
Wow, it's getting
physical over there.
Let's just remember him
as he was and move on.
Well, can't
leave him there.
Come on,
let's go get him.
Fine.
Wait. Let's let him get hit
by one more meatball.
There it is.
Okay, let's go.
I'd go with you,
but I don't want
to give up my seat.
It's a good spot.
Nah! Stop it!
Nah... Ow!
This guy, am I right?
Anyway, would you
like to see an outtake
from our family
commercial?
Uh... sure?
Mm. Did I wow you?
I guess.
Yes.
Ow! Come on!
36 percent!
Oh, my God.
None of this
ever should have happened.
I-I made a great commercial
with my family.
It was funny and cute.
Well, it wasn't that funny,
but it was good.
Well, it wasn't that good,
but... but
it was us.
And I scrapped it
to make a commercial
I thought
would get more customers.
I never should have done that.
Ha-ha, 59%, folks!
(clapping)
Thank you, Sandy.
Oh, no, I was just
responding to the 59%.
JIMMY: 62! Don't you...
Don't...
No! No!
Don't clap for that!
Listen!
Listen to me!
I-I made a terrible commercial,
but my food's good.
You should try it... someday.
They're back on!
They're back on!
The TVs are on, everybody!
Ha, ha! The game!
All right!
Now, you, get
out of here!
Go stand on your own
counter; It's already dirty.
Yeah, Bobby, let's go.
Linda! Kids!
We heard every
word, Bob.
That was beautiful.
Took you
a while to get there,
but you finally realized
I was right.
As always.
That was just
so moving.
Speaking of moving,
I think
my butt water broke!
I'll be right
back. Don't go!
Gene, wait.
Thought you were leaving.
We're going to.
Gene just had to use
your stupid bathroom.
It's for customers only!
Can I get
a Pesto Colada?
Lin!
What?
I'm sorry I couldn't hold you
until halftime.
If I did, I can only imagine
you'd be an even more
Super Bowel.
We'll try it again next year.
Good-bye, handsome.
You look like a fighter.
I hope you go down.
I kept flushing!
I kept flushing!
Oh, my God!
You kept
flushing what?
What happened?
What-what happened?
He's a fighter. He's a
fighter. We have to move.
(gasps)
Gene's super bowel.
Oh, you kept flushing the toilet.
Oh, no.
(water rumbling)
(crowd screaming)
Aah, gross! Ew!
Oh, my God! Go!
Save yourselves!
Just remember me!
Tell them what happened today!
My heart will go on!
Oh, hey, there's my commercial
for Tran's Noodles.
'Cause Tran's Noodles go great
with Frye.
I was in a lot
of commercials today.
Oh, my God,
they're all leaving Pesto's!
They'll have to come
to us! We'll be packed!
Well, three people.
Ha! Three people,
Jimmy! Yeah!
♪ Our food is great
♪ Our staff's
full of surprises ♪
♪ So come on down to Bob's
♪ For some burgers
and some frieses ♪
(Bob beatboxes)
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ With these!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ With these!
Bob's Burgers has the biggest
flavor in all the land!
Bah! Bah! Bah!
(screams)
The flavor's so big!
(all screaming)
(Bob beatboxes)
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Meat me!
♪ Come meet our family
♪ That's us!
♪ And let us meat you
♪ Meat me!
♪ Bob's Burgers.
(makes fart noise)
BOB: Bob's Burgers conveniently
located on Ocean Avenue.
Open Monday through...