Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 13, Episode 5 - So You Stink You Can Dance - full transcript

The tots look exquisite today.

And this apple is
less brown than usual.

Um, excuse us?

Or just keep doing
what you're doing.

Oh, sorry. I
was just stretching.

Keeping my body
loose for the weekend.

Because... I'm finally taking

Spencer Blankenship's
Modern Dance Seminar.

- Huh. Yep. Yeah, you are.
- Who's Spencer Blankenship?

He's, like, the top modern
dance instructor of this century.

And some of the last century.



One of his former students went
on to become a backup dancer

for Gloria Estefan and
the Miami Sound Machine,

which my mom said
is a really big deal.

But aren't you worried
the rhythm's gonna getcha?

I don't know.
"Seminar" kinda sounds

like school, but on the weekend.

Yeah. Yuck. Hey.

My cousin Leslie got his
minibike running again.

Why don't you blow
this dancey thing off

and let's just do that.

Zeke, no. This seminar's

gonna launch my dancing career.

This is my destiny. Hey,
I found out that people

are allowed to come and
watch, if anyone's interested.



- Oh, hell yeah.
- Zeke? You in?

Of course I'll
come and support my boy.

Great. But maybe get some
rest before you come support me.

Your energy is, like, down here,

and I need it to
be, like, up here.

Hey, Jimmy Jr.,

ask your dance
teacher if this is anything.

I mean, it's something.

Great. Thanks, Frank.
I'll take care of her for you.

Okay, then. Bye, Frank.
That was my buddy Frank.

I-I gathered.

I'm borrowing his little
fishing boat tomorrow.

The Wonder Dogs are
playing a really good team,

the Bingham Bay Barracudas.

And the Wonder Dogs'
only good pitcher is

still out with an injury,

so it'll probably
be a bloodbath.

Uh, why are you so
excited about that?

Because I'm gonna take the
boat out behind the stadium

and see if I can fish
out some home runs.

Aw, fun. Ball fishin'.

So the Barracudas are
supposed to be really good, huh?

Yeah, the Barracudas
are stacked.

A lot of their players
could go on to the majors.

The majors is the highest league

- of baseball, Bob.
- I knew that, Teddy. Thank you.

And if I get those balls signed,

they might be worth a
lot of money someday.

- My ears are burning.
- Hi, kids.

I want something that'll be
worth a lot of money someday.

Come with me. I'm
borrowing a boat tomorrow

and Sunday to fish some
home runs out of the bay.

I'm in. I mean, I
sorta stopped listening

after you said
money, but I'm in.

Sounds good to me.
My tan needs work.

I am a Pasty Patsy.

- I wanna go. I wanna go on a boat.
- Great. Come.

So, everyone's
going out on a boat,

- and I stay here by myself and work?
- I think so?

- We'd just get in the way.
- You do.

Sometimes we just block you

from wherever
you're trying to walk.

- It's called "Block Dad."
- Yeah, I don't like that.

You know, I've always
wanted to get a home run ball,

ever since I was little.
Whenever I went to a game,

it was all I could think about.

I've gotten close, but no luck.

This could be my chance.

Aw, my pappy and his dreams.

Okay, so you go one
day and I'll go the other.

I call first.

We can arm wrestle for it.

Wait, that's not fair to me.

- Pick the pepper?
- Yep.

They used to choose
popes this way.

Uh, that one.

- Damn. Pepper.
- Yes.

I mean, you'll have
fun here tomorrow, Lin.

Okay, but I'm
definitely going Sunday.

And I want an ice
cream in a mini helmet.

- But you'll be in the water.
- I still want it.

Well, count me out
for this weekend.

Jimmy Jr. signed up
for this two-day intensive

dance seminar, so I'm gonna
go watch and support him.

He says this could make
him a famous backup dancer.

And who knows? Maybe I'll
become a famous backup...

singer, and we'll be a
famous backup couple.

- Damn.
- Don't forget us

when you're at the
top. The top of the back.

Hey, Zeke. Isn't this exciting?

Yeah. So exciting.

This could be the beginning
of big things for Jimmy Jr.,

and whoever gets
to go on tour with him.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Where my modern dance fans at?

Oh, uh, right here?

We're here to watch a friend.

Or something
more, for some of us.

- Flips Whitefudge.
- What's a Flips Whitefudge?

- I'm a Flips Whitefudge.
- Are you a dancer, too?

Oh, I don't know.

- Dang.
- Are you taking the seminar?

Nah. Nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, nah.

I wish. This is for under 18.

I would've loved to be taught
by Spencer Blankenship,

but I'm 18... and a half.

- Really?
- In dance years.

- I'm under 30, bro.
- Hello, students. I'm Spencer Blankenship,

but you already knew that.

- Yeah, we did.
- Some other things

you probably
know: my star pupil,

Declan Duggan,
was a backup dancer

for Gloria Estefan and
the Miami Sound Machine.

GE and the MSM?

What you may not know,
is not all of you will make it.

In fact, most of you will fail.

A little rough.

Uh, I think he's
being inspiring,

With scary words?

So, we will work, we will sweat,

we will mop up the
sweat after each day

because we have
been asked to do that.

And at the end of the weekend,
I will give every one of you

a full critique and tell
you if you have a shot in

this business, or if you
have no chance in hell.

Now let's start off with
something fun and easy.

Scoop arm into hip
sway. Two, three, four...

Scoop and sway.

That's a half scoop.
I'm not on a diet.

Give me a full scoop. Oh...

- that scoop is floppy.
- Uh, it is?

Yeah, you're doing
this, which is...

Floppy.

Uh, I'm... I was just
trying to put a little

of my own flair on it.

Students, you know the phrase

"dance to the beat
of your own drum"?

Well, it's dumb,
and it's dangerous.

People who dance to the
beat of their own drum don't

get to be Gloria Estefan and
the Miami Sound Machine's

backup dancers.

They end up dead.
To me, to the industry,

and to everyone who
ever believed in them.

And some of them end up dead!

We're gonna have so
much fun this weekend.

I didn't say stop, keep dancing.

Still floppy. Still floppy.

- Oh, boy.
- Um, well,

Jimmy Jr. must
be glad he's getting

so much feedback so early.

- Is that sweat or tears or, um...?
- I think it's both.

Not good, but not bad.

Better than Floppy
Scoops over here.

Jimmy Jr.'s got a nickname.

Floppy Scoops.
That's fun, right?

Yeah, probably not
damaging to his delicate

little psyche at all. I'm
gonna look somewhere else.

Oh, a candy wrapper.

I'll check that
out for a little bit.

Okay, guys, have
fun fishin' balls

out of the sea, my
little Moby Dicks.

- We will.
- Captain Ahabs.

- Captain Wha-habs?
- The balls would be

Moby Dicks, Li... Never mind.

Don't be vulgar, Bob.

Wish me luck on
my tanning journey.

And wish me luck on
my journey to get rich

selling memorabilia
to sports dorks.

Good luck. And hey, wish me
luck not burning down the restaurant.

Ha. Just kidding,
I'll put it out.

Looks like a few
other people had the same idea.

But we're the only
ones with a motor.

I mean, technically,
you're right.

Hey, buddy! This
is a no-wake zone!

- Yeah!
- This should be a good spot.

- Are we gonna drop anchor?
- Dad,

you just gotta hold it, I think.

That's not what... Forget it.

No anchoring for us, Bob.

We gotta be ready to move
wherever the balls land.

Yeah. We gotta
be ready to pounce.

Excuse me, I gotta get
this hot son some hot sun.

It is really sunny. I
should have brought a hat.

- Did anyone bring sunscreen?
- Nope. - No.

Mom slathered us up at
home. Against my wishes.

I brought this to help us
know when a ball is coming.

Or we could listen to soft jazz.

And it's a beautiful day

here at Wonder
Wharf Baseball Park.

It sure is,
and we've got a packed house

here to watch the
Bingham Bay Barracudas

barbecue the Wonder Dogs, but

Ira Sabatino, the
Wonder Dog ace pitcher,

is coming off the
injured list today.

- So maybe they'll lose by less.
- Exactly, Phil.

Ira Sabatino is back?

Eh, might not be as many
homers as we were hoping.

Well, maybe the Wonder
Dogs guy will throw bad,

so there are home runs?

Dad, you can be an announcer.

- Listen to you.
- Mm.

So anyway, I'm alone here today.

But that's okay. I
like it when it's slow

and I'm the only one here.

I make up little games
and stuff to pass the time.

I can pretend I'm
a famous person

who got a normal person job

to bring me back
down to earth if I want.

Ha-ha. Anyway, Ginger,
call me when you get this.

Bye, hon.

Oh, hi. I'm just a
normal, common person.

Or am I?

Learn your names,
but don't feel bad.

You're all my precious
students that I call "you."

So if I'm looking at you
and I say "you," that's you.

Yes, you. Now
I'm looking at you.

Do it better.
You, tighten it up.

Are you a dancer
or a pile of noodles?

Um, a dancer?

And have you told your arms
and legs they're not noodles?

- What? Um, you're...
- Tell them.

You're not noodles.

Okay, now I'm gonna tell
them. You're not noodles!

Ooh, I would not
wanna be that guy.

Floppy Scoops, noodle arms...

belongs outside
of a car dealership.

Huh? Huh?

Sorry, I can't high-five
that. That's my boy.

Oh, dang. Sorry.
He's really good.

Also, uh, people like noodles.

And Jimmy Jr. is

just getting
constructive criticism

that's gonna take
him to the next level.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yo, I'm gonna hit the
vending machines.

Anybody want a snickety snack?

No, Flips Whitefudge!
Sorry. Sorry.

I'm a genius.

Outside of the Wonder Dogs

bunting in the only
run of the game,

this has been a
real pitchers' duel.

Ugh, why did
the Wonder Dogs' best

pitcher have to come back today?

It's fun to be so mad
when our team does well.

Oh.
Schulthise got a piece of that one.

It's gonna touch the sky.

- Get ready, Teddy!
- This is it! - Ah!

And the second baseman

gets under it to end the game.

That one was high,
but did not go far.

- Like me in high school.
- Burt, don't.

- What? No!
- The game's over?

There's only nine innings?

Stupid baseball!

But I mean, it's
nice out here, right?

- Is it?
- I'm beau-ti-ful.

Doesn't that make us all happy?

Okay, everybody, bring it in.

We're done for today.

You should all be
proud of yourselves,

if your name is you.

No, not you. You.

To the rest of you, you need
to show me that you want this.

'Cause right now,
I'm not seeing it.

Right now, I see
you all just having

boring, non-dancing jobs.

Like you. Name a
boring, non-dancing job.

Uh... a-astronaut?

Yes. So, unless
you can tighten it up,

you should maybe
just be an astronaut.

Yeah, I hate astronauts.

Now, remember, I
will be critiquing you all

at the end of tomorrow.

You want a good critique.

So go home, rest,
turn off your devices,

you're allowed to
cry for ten minutes,

drink the exact amount

of water that you cried,
and then focus on dance.

Oh, God, I can't
take this anymore.

Oh, I don't think we have
to turn off our devices.

Take a look. This
is my cousin Leslie

when he was our age.

Okay, that's nice.

He loved to modern
dance more than anything.

So he took this
seminar a few years ago,

- and Spencer Blankenship broke him.
- What?

Spencer broke my cousin
Leslie. It's what he does.

Why didn't you say
anything before?

I wanted to tell
Jimmy Jr. About this,

but I didn't wanna be negative.

We can't let him come tomorrow.

We can't let him get
critiqued by that man.

It'll crush his
precious spirit, damn it.

Yeah, I hear you, but what
if he goes home tonight

and cries just the right
amount, and tomorrow is the big

turnaround, where
Jimmy Jr. proves he has

what it takes, and his
backup dreams come true?

And I get to fly on
a backup private jet.

- Tina, come on.
- Okay, yeah, you're right.

We should talk to him.

J-Ju, can we, uh,
chitchat for a sec?

Guys, can it wait?

I just wanna go home,
turn off my devices,

get my cry water ready
and prepare for tomorrow.

It's real important, J-Ju.

I don't feel like talking, Zeke.

It's been a long day and I
just wanna focus, focus, focus.

Okay, but, Jimmy Jr...

- No buts, Tina.
- Yes buts.

- I'm going home, guys.
- We can walk with you.

- My mom's picking me up!
- We'll call you later then.

- I'm turning off all my devices.
- Dang it, J-Ju! Dang it!

Maybe brunch tomorrow then?

Yo, yo, yo. I'll go to
b-runch with you guys.

All right. Goin'
out on the water.

Sunday fun day for Linda.

Aw, poor Bob. No home
run balls and a sunburn.

- Sounds like a country album.
- Not poor Bob.

I actually loved not
catching any balls

and having a bright red face.

- I-It's great.
- Well, maybe Louise, Gene and I

will have better luck.

I mean, it can't be any worse.

I'm gonna work on my back today.

By tonight, I'll
look like a perfect

baked potato ready
to be covered in bacon!

"Irregular penis face"? Mother.

- Bravo. I love you more now.
- Thank you.

- Wait, has it always said that?
- No. No, it hasn't.

Tina, are you sure you
don't wanna come with us?

It's gotta be more fun than
your father makes it sound.

No, I have to go to day two
of Jimmy Jr.'s modern dance

seminar so Zeke
and I can talk him

out of going to his
modern dance seminar.

What? Why do you
wanna talk him out of it?

The instructor
is a little... awful.

Zeke thinks the guy's gonna

make Jimmy Jr. want
to stop dancing forever.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah.

Maybe this guy is right, though,

and Jimmy Jr. Doesn't
have what it takes.

I mean, this
teacher seems legit.

And Gloria Estefan
can't be wrong, can she?

- No, she cannot.
- But maybe we shouldn't let this guy

crush Jimmy Jr.'s
dream in front of a bunch

of strangers in tight pants?

Morning, everybody.
You guys ready for

a lovely day on the water
where we don't get mad at anyone

if the home run
situation is disappointing?

If today's Wonderdog
pitcher is as good

as yesterday's, I'm gonna
find out where he lives

and hire someone to give
him an irregular penis face.

Fair enough.

Ugh, where is Zeke?

We were supposed
to get here early

so we could both
talk to... Jimmy Jr.,

you're here. Now. Before Zeke.

Yeah, sorry I didn't answer
any of your calls, Tina,

or read any of your
many, many texts last night.

I was getting in the
zone, and I'm currently

in the zone, as you
can probably tell.

Oh, totally. Yeah, wow...

So what did you want
to talk to me about?

Uh...

Oh, look, there's Zeke.
Zeke will tell you the thing.

J-Ju... you remember
my cousin Leslie?

Yeah. Hey, Leslie.
Cool minibike.

I thought it would be...

- mini-er.
- Thanks.

Zeke told me what was going on

with you and the seminar,

and I was all like,
"Dude, what?"

I should be focusing.

Can I maybe talk to you
guys after the seminar?

No, you need to hear this.

I don't like to brag, but
I was a good dancer.

- Damn good. Sorry I cussed.
- It's true.

He had a natural joy that
flowed through every movement.

I took this seminar. I
wanted to get to the next level,

but Spencer Blankenship,
he beat that joy out of me.

And that critique thing
he does at the end?

That was the nail in my
modern dancing coffin.

I hung up my dance
pants after that day.

Except for laundry day, I wear
them then. But I don't dance.

So what do you say,
J-Ju? Let's get outta here.

- Huh? Come on. Let's get.
- No, Zeke. I see what this is.

Two friends who care about
you? And their cousin Leslie?

You guys don't think I can
cut the mustard as a dancer.

- No, that's not, um...
- You cut all the mustard.

Except, you know,
when it's defined

by conventional standards.

Spencer may have been
tough on me yesterday,

but that just means I
have to work extra hard

to prove myself to him.

And then he'll give me
a good critique, and then

I'm back on my
backup dancer path.

So you guys can either
support me or dis-port me.

- So, goodbye.
- Crap!

What do we do? What do we do?

Leslie, we ride in there,

grab Jimmy Jr., throw him
across the back of this thing,

take him to someplace safe and
warm and give him some soup.

- He loves soup.
- That could work. Leslie?

I can't do that thing
where you ride up stairs.

Also, I have to go. I'm using
this to help someone move.

It's okay, they
have a tiny house.

No action in the first inning.

Hope it's not gonna
be another slow day.

My back is getting
some action. "Backtion."

And a fastball
thrown right over the plate is hit deep.

- It's gone.
- Oh. Oh!

Yes! Ball, ball,
ball, ball, ball!

Teddy, go! Beat them! Use motor!

- Go fast!
- Go, Teddy, go, Teddy, go!

- Right, right, right.
- Aah! What's happening?!

Ha-ha-ha! Yes! Yes! Yes!

- I got it!
- Yay, Louise!

Eat it! All of you, eat it!

Sorry, just got
excited there. Sorry.

The Barracudas are finally
gettin' something going.

Like me after my
doctor started me

- on fiber supplements.
- Too much.

Damn it.

- Well, good afternoon to you, too.
- Oh, hey, Mort.

Busy day, huh? Can
I get on the wait-list?

Heh. Very funny.

Thank you. One burger
of the day, please.

Comin' right up.

Another
towering shot into the ocean.

Oh, come on!

You know, there
are other stations.

Or, wanna listen to
my pre-funeral playlist?

Does that thing have an aux in?

No, thank you, Mort.
I'm fine. I'm calm.

There's probably not
gonna be any more.

- Another bomb.
- Aah!

- The Barracudas are breaking loose.
- No!

Oh, boy.

Jimmy Jr.'s looking a little
more dead inside than usual.

You can literally see the
joy draining out of him.

- How do we get him out of here?
- Should I pull the fire alarm?

Should we just tackle
Spencer and go from there?

Or tie his shoelaces together?
Damn, he's wearin' slip-ons.

Damn it, Spencer.

Four home run
balls! Four home run balls!

So many home runs.
That guy has one.

That guy's got one.

That guy's just
fishing, like an idiot.

Oh, wait. He got a ball, too.

Also, pretty good
steering of the boat.

Only hit one kayak
that anyone noticed.

Another
home run ball sails into the ocean.

The Wonder Dogs' pitching
has completely fallen apart

here at the bottom of the order.

It's like Christmas over
here, but with soggy baseballs.

Hey, rowboat, you want this one?

Ow.

Oh. Sorry!

The Wonder Dogs have already

given up nine home runs, -

and we're not
even out of the fifth.

I think maybe this just
isn't the sport for you.

So, in conclusion,

you're bad at this,
but the good news is

your kicks are okay.

So maybe you could do
karate, or just kick stuff?

Next up we have... you.

Oh, my God, it's
happening. It's happening.

Oh, no! No! No, no,
no, no, no, no, no!

Wait, you're doing
the tackling thing?

I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready!

No! Stop! Uh, hi.

Um, sorry I shouted
and ran over here.

But now since everyone is

staring at me, uh,
Mr. Blankenship,

please don't critique Jimmy Jr.

Tina, what are you doing?

Yeah, what are you talking
about, whoever you are?

Everyone here paid
to hear my critique.

It is invaluable.
So you're stealing.

- You're stealing from them.
- Jimmy Jr., please.

Don't let this guy
crush your soul.

- Yeah, what she said.
- Guys, stop.

Just because Leslie took
this seminar and didn't

make it as a backup
dancer doesn't mean I can't.

- Who's Leslie?
- Oh, I don't know...

the best student you ever broke!

Okay, this has gone
on long enough.

Yeah, guys. Stay or leave,

but I'm getting my critique.

By the way, I didn't
mean you're next,

- I meant you're next.
- Oh.

I feel like maybe name
tags would have been helpful.

Ah. Best
baseball game ever.

All of baseball
should be from a boat.

- Hey, is that... No. Bob?
- Hey, everyone!

What are you doing out here?

- Where did you get that boat?
- It's a kayak! I rented it!

I'm here to get some home runs.

What? What a... What
about the restaurant?

- I closed it! Yes!
- Really?

It's not fair, Linda. You
came on a better day.

You're looking a
little wobbly, Bob.

It's... It's just the
waves, Teddy. I'm fine.

No, it looks like you're
wiggling your butt.

I'm not wiggling my butt.
The ocean is wiggling.

Then why are the other
kayaks perfectly still?

Yeah, Dad. Just stop wiggling.

- I am! I'm trying to!
- Surprise, surprise!

- Another home run for the Barracudas.
- Ha-ha! Yes!

Come to papa. Whoa,
whoa, whoa... Aah!

Bob!

- Dad overboard.
- Cold! Cold! Cold!

Damn it, that was mine.

- How do you get back in?!
- Hang on, buddy, we'll save you!

- Oh, here comes another one.
- Be right there, Bob.

Got it! Yes!

This is not what
I was imagining.

- It's not?
- Mom, throw him a ball.

He can pretend he caught it.

No, you-you don't
have to do that.

Oh! Another one.

- Bob!
- Yes!

This one's mine!

Whoa. Fine.

Take it.

I got it!

- It's sad how much he needs this.
- Is he gonna drown?

- Maybe. But he'll drown so happy.
- Okay, let's go get him.

All right, you, it's your
turn, so here's what I wrote.

You already know this,
because it's your nickname.

Floppy scoops.
Noodle arms. Um...

Here's some other
stuff I wrote, uh...

"confusing hips, unrelated
feet, mad at rhythm."

He's dying. I'm
watching him die.

Jimmy Jr. Don't listen to him!

Oh, great. Just
great. This again.

I think the interrupting
seminar is next weekend.

No! I don't need it.

And, Jimmy Jr.,
you don't need this.

Maybe he's right, maybe
you are a little unconventional.

He had me convinced that
you were never gonna make it

as a backup dancer.
But you know what?

That's because maybe you're
not meant to be a backup dancer!

Maybe you're meant
to be a front-up dancer.

Maybe Floppy Scoops are
gonna be the next big move.

When you do it, you're
doing your own thing,

and that's inspiring.

And it inspires me
to do my own thing.

I've watched you dance
a lot. More than you know.

And it's special. Maybe
this guy doesn't see it

because he's not
even looking for it.

But other people will. I do.

I mean, I didn't for a second,

but I do now again.

So just don't let one person
stop you from being floppy.

- Damn, Tina.
- That was powerful.

- No, it wasn't.
- Yes, it was.

Oops.

Dance, noodle boy, dance.

What... What's happening?

Don't do that. Stop
it. Stop it right now.

- No.
- Yes!

Hey, no clapping. No,
no, no, no, no. No, stop.

- Everybody, stop.
- Yeah!

What are you doing? S...

No, no, no. Hey, hey, hey,
hey, now. Wait a minute.

This is my thing.

You stop that music.
Stop that music.

Hey, Tina, that was amazing.

Check out my boy,
doing what he does.

Look at those noodles go.

Noodles.