Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 12, Episode 19 - A-Sprout a Boy - full transcript

You know I'd love to come over

and take a look at your couch,
Gayle, but I can't tonight

because I have to help the kids
with homework.

Yeah, they all have
big tests tomorrow.

We do?

Shush, shush. Yeah, on Saturday.

Saturday test.

These kids today. I tell ya.

Uh-oh. The hamburgers
are burning. I got to go.

Wh-What was that about?

Yeah. Saturday test?



Do I look like
I'm in Breakfast Club?

Eh, Gayle got a new couch
because the old one

smelled like cat pee 'cause
she let the cats pee on it.

And the Goodwill
only had a foldout,

and now she's worried
it's gonna eat her.

And you're just gonna let
that couch eat your sister, Mom?

Would you let a couch eat Gene?
I worry you would.

That's okay.
It's how I want to go.

She'll be fine.

Besides, I can't hang out
with Gayle tonight because...

Oh, here she goes.

♪ Ginger is coming to stay ♪

♪ She drives here
from 90 minutes away ♪

You don't have to sing
your Ginger song.



- ♪ We gossip a bunch ♪
- Mmm.

♪ She stays over
and eats some brunch ♪

- Mm, um...
- ♪ Two hearts beating as one ♪

- So you're just gonna sing it.
- ♪ Ginger. ♪

Mom, why don't you just
invite Aunt Gayle over here?

Well, because I love Gayle,

but I don't want to add
any other flavors

to the Linda-Ginger combo.

It's perfect just the way it is.

It's like when
Ken's friend Ben shows up

when we're doing
Krav Maga on the beach.

He doesn't even know the holds.

Get out of here, Ben.

Go back to
your gluten-free bakery.

- Robert, Linda, children.
- Hey, Nat.

- Natalie.
- Hi, Nat.

Guys, I have
the costumes for tonight,

for the Limo-vitational.

The Limo-vi-what?

The limo relay race
for charity thing

the kids and I
are helping Nat with.

Oh, yeah.

Raising money for people
who can't afford limo rides.

Oh, actually, it's for
the Children's Hospital.

Oh, yeah, that's better.

I can't believe we get to be
in a limo race.

How fast will we get going, Nat?

200 miles per hour? 300?

How much face skin will
I have left when it's over?

Please say "none."

Mm, sorry, Louise,
it's not dangerous at all.

Right. Wink wink.

I'm winking back at you
because winking is fun,

but the Limo-vitational

is more like a very slow
relay race with wacky twists.

Us drivers have to pick up
three rounds of passengers,

and in each round
there's a specific challenge.

And that's where
you guys come in.

Which brings it back
to the costumes!

Bob, you'll be
a fancy businessman.

Is "fancy businessman" code
for "mid level cocaine dealer?"

Gene and Louise,
you'll be my old ladies.

I'm a piggy for wiggies.

Come to Gene-y,
you wonderful, old hair, you.

And, Tina, I thought
you'd like to be

my prom queen.

- Whoa.
- Aw.

My beautiful little Carrie.

I never finished the movie,

but she looked gorgeous
in that dress.

And I bet she had
a great time at the prom.

Prom...

- Oh, hello.
- I caught you

when you slid down
the rainbow slide.

You did. Let's kiss.
A prom kiss.

That's an important kind
of kiss.

I know.

Mmm.

Prom-a-lama ding-dong.

We'll find out the details
of the challenges tonight.

- Be ready for anything.
- Mm, sounds like a lot of work.

I'm just gonna be ready
for a few things.

You guys are
gonna have so much fun.

I'm almost jealous, but I'm not

because I get to spend
my whole night with Ginger.

I even got a blowout
from Gretchen

for the occasion. Kinda.

Her hair dryer wasn't working,

so she just fanned it
with her hand really fast.

I also fashioned my hair today
because I will have...

someone special
in the audience tonight.

Ooh, a new potential
Mrs. Nat on the horizon?

Well, no. It's just
our second time hanging out,

but I like her a lot.

She and her daughter
are gonna be there tonight,

so I'd sure love to win.

It'd be really nice to win.

No pressure on anyone,

but I'd really love
to win this one.

Did you hear that, everybody?
Do not mess this up for her!

Oh, we'll definitely
win this thing.

And it's not personal.
It's just business.

Sorry, I was trying
to get into character.

Uh, I'm not sure
what businessmen say.

- Not that.
- Okay.

I got to go drop my lizards off
at the groomer.

Is that a euphemism?

See you guys tonight at 7:00
at the Bog Harbor Speedway.

Yeah, you will.

Well, I'm gonna go
drop my lizards off

at the groomer's, too.

Excuse me.

Aw, look at my elderly babies.

Well, this is
quite a spread, Mom.

Cheese and crackers?
Someone's going all out.

I like to make it
nice for Ginge.

I even got us a very
expensive bottle of wine.

Well, it was expensive
at one time,

but I got it on sale.

- Cheese me, please.
- No! That's Ginger's cheese.

- Just one crack-a-lack?
- Uh-uh.

Those are the good ones
with herbs in them.

I think they're herbs.

Maybe they're seeds.
Mini mushrooms?

Oh là là.

Someone's tighty and whitey
and looking all righty.

Like a gorgeous albino sausage.

- Uh, thank you.
- How do I look?

How don't you look.

Oh, you're beautiful, honey.

I know this isn't my real prom,
but I still feel excited.

It's like a preview for a movie
I know I'm gonna love.

Hey, since I'm pretending to be
a prom teen tonight,

could I maybe borrow

the emergency phone
like a real teen?

And maybe I could text
Jimmy Jr. a little bit?

I... S-Sure.
I guess that's fine.

- I'll-I'll go get it.
- Great. I already have it.

Oh. Okay. Well, we got to go.

Have fun with Ginger, Lin.

Well, it's impossible
not to because...

- ♪ Ginger is com... ♪
- Yup. We got it.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Stay out of our rooms.

Oh, waiting is killing me.

Oof. No, my armpits
are killing me.

Come on, you two.
You're coming with me.

There you go.

Now, you guys behave
the rest of the night.

Belchers.

Welcome to the Limo-vitational,

the biggest night
in limo racing.

Also the only night
in limo racing.

Thanks. It's nice to be
out of the office.

Sorry, I keep trying
to do business guy talk.

You do keep trying.

Okay, don't look now,
but that woman

right up there in the stands
with the teen daughter is Peggy.

Okay, so you're all
just looking at Peggy?

- Yep.
- I'm waggling my fingers at her.

- Waggle, waggle, waggle, waggle.
- Gene.

Now, let's win this thing
to impress her

so she falls in love with me.

And marries me and has, uh,
children with me,

and we share lizards together.

Okay, so the announcer
over there

will call out each round
and let us know

what the specific challenge
will be for each passenger.

You guys want
a hot dog for energy

before the race starts?

I made them myself from scratch.

Yes. A hot dog for a hot Gene.

Let me just see if Jimmy Jr.

Got any of my very cool texts

that I sent him
on the drive over here.

Huh, no response yet.

Maybe I'll just send one more.

So, one more fun prom thought.

If proms were people,

what kind of dances
would they go to?

Again, this is Tina. Send.

Texting from my family's
emergency phone.

But this is not
an emergency. Send.

But I would love
to hear back from you.

But no stress.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Double-hang-loose emoji,
and send.

Maybe it's good you
don't have your own phone.

Where are you, Ginger?

Hurry up and get here before
I drink all the cheap wine

and have to start drinking
the less cheap wine.

Hello?

Oh, hey, you.
Are you almost here?

Want to talk on the phone
until you are?

Ooh, honk your horn.
I'll see if I can hear ya.

Oh, no, your car broke down?

You can still get here
without an engine, right?

It's mostly downhill.

No, no, you're right,
safety first.

That's okay, hon.

Yeah, we can do it another time.

Ah, poop.

♪ Ginger... ♪

Oof. ♪ ...Er. ♪

Well, what am I
supposed to do now?

I wanted to drink wine
and talk to my girlfriend.

Dang it. Well,
I may as well call Gayle

and make sure her couch
didn't eat her.

Hey, it's me. How's it going?

No, Gayle, don't-don't glue
your couch shut.

All right, limo racers,
we're ready to get started.

The first challenge is called
"Keep That Coffee Off Me."

Each driver will have to take
an important businessperson

to their meeting,
but the twist is,

your client will be holding
a briefcase in one hand

and a huge cup of coffee
in the other.

Get them to the conference
room first

without staining their
white suit to win the round.

All right, Bob, here we go!

We'll never speak
to you again if you lose.

Have fun!

- Wow, this coffee is hot.
- Yup.

If you spill, it's gonna burn
your penis, Bob.

Get in, get in, get in.

- I want to win for her love.
- Okay.

Hey. You know, I'm actually
pretty good at this.

I guess all those years
in the restaurant

serving coffee paid off.

Well, we're still
on the straightaway, Robert.

We're about to get to the cones,
so look alive back there.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, God.

Hang in there, penis.

Hello. Thanks
for letting me come over.

I swear I heard the couch
making a lip-licking sound.

So, what happened
to helping the kids

with their Saturday tests?

Oh, yeah.

B-Bob's out with them now

doing, um, night tutoring

at the, uh, night library.

Hey, you want some wine?

Well, maybe half a cup.

- You know I'm trying to cut out liquids.
- Right, right.

I can't believe
you put all this out for me.

Well, uh, you're going
through a lot

with your couch and stuff.

- Cheers.
- Ow. Why'd you hit my glass?

Gonna sit over here
if you're gonna be weird.

Do you mind
if I take my shoes off?

I have a foot fungus
up to my ankles,

and it's really itchy.

I'm just gonna rub them
on your rug.

- Oh, oh.
- Nope, nope.

- Oh, that's good.
- Uh, here, eat a cracker.

It's got herbs. It's got herbs.

Ugh, this tastes weird.

- That's the herbs.
- I don't like 'em.

Okay. So, do you know
any good gossip?

Well, I heard there's
a new Toyota Tacoma

coming out with a ton
of manufacturer's rebates.

Wow.

- Ah! Who's here?
- Huh, I don't know.

Hi, Lin.

Gretchen, what are you
doing here?

You left this
at the salon today.

I thought it was drugs,
but I don't feel anything,

so I think it's just
regular food in a bag.

Oh, my travel fudge.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go
see if I can sneak

into the back of that bar
I got banned from.

I'm gonna get really drunk
and win them over.

Actually, Gayle's here
and we're drinking some wine

and she's being very fun.

- You want to come in?
- Sure.

I haven't eaten yet,
so I should at least

have wine in my stomach
before I drink.

Okay, no coffee.

No coffee there.
Huge pit stains.

Mmm, maybe we don't need to...

I mean, just out of this world
sized sweat marks.

...comment on that.

But otherwise,
the suit is clean.

And the winner of round one is

Nat Kinkle.

Yes!

Hmm, still no reaction
from Jimmy Jr. to my prom texts.

Maybe it's the reception?

I'll just hold the phone up
above my head

and text everything again.

I mean, he's probably
just as obsessed

about a dance three years
from now as you are, right?

Isn't everybody obsessed
with all the dances

they have coming up
in their lives?

I'm excited about
the touchdown dance I have

in case I get drafted
into the NFL.

It's a little emo.

And now, for round two,

"Flight of the Living Wed."

It's time to take your
two old ladies to the airport

to catch a red-eye flight

to their godson's
destination wedding.

They know the marriage won't
last, but they love a buffet.

Gene, Louise, you're up.

Come on, Doris.

- Let's go be old, I guess.
- I'm Ethel. You're Doris.

And uh-oh, on the way
to the airport there's a...

zombie apocalypse.

Ha-ha! Zombies?

He should've opened with that.

Passengers, you're gonna have to
pop out the moon roof and use

the provided squirt guns
to try to mow down

the most undead Freds.

Yes, pump,
pump, pump, pump, pump.

Blast them, little Belchers.

I think this is the first time

I've ever felt real joy.

And I'm farting.

Those hot dogs will do that.
Turning on the fan.

Ooh, that's the fancy stuff.

- Pinot Gimme-o.
- Oh, yeah.

Uh, I was saving it for later,

but I guess we might as well
drink it.

I'll go get you a glass.

Get me a mug.

It holds more and won't break
if I bite on it,

like stupid wine glasses.

Okay, not the night
I was expecting,

and I'm gonna have to deep-clean
Gayle's foot fungus

out of the carpet, but...

♪ Gayle and Gretchen,
kind of fun. ♪

Hello?

Ginger?
They got your car started?

That's great.

No, no.
It's-it's never too late.

Okay, hon.
I'll see you in 45 minutes.

So, Ginger is coming,
and Gretchen and Gayle are here.

Maybe that'll be fine.

Can you hurry up with that mug?

And can you bring
me some Vaseline for my feet?

A bunch of the skin
is falling off.

Nope, nope. Can't do it.

♪ I'll just send
these two home ♪

♪ And have Ginger alone. ♪

- What?
- Nothing. Coming.

Ooh, that's a big skin flake.

Ooh, ooh, Linda, mug me.

I'm gonna take
some of this fancy wine

and dip a cracker in it.

Oh, well, you're not
gonna believe this,

but that was the wine company
on the phone.

And it turns out that the
Pinot grigio has been recalled.

It's, uh...
it's got poison in it.

See? This is why
I'm getting off liquids.

How much poison we talking?

Linda, you know me.
I can have a little poison.

No, no. Let me give you
some of this red.

But just, like, a glass

'cause I bet in like
five to 30 minutes

we'll be ready
to go home, right?

I know I am,
and I'm already home.

Oh, I know what we could do.

Linda, remember
when we were little

and we used to prank-call
places and say,

"Is there a John there?

A Big John?
Because we have diarrhea."

Oh, yeah,
we did used to do that.

I forgot. But you
can't do that anymore.

Everyone has caller I.D.

- Womp, womp.
- Uh-uh.

You can just do star-six-seven.

You can call any ex-boyfriend

at any time of day or night,
and they won't know it's you

no matter
how many times you call.

Or that's what I heard.

I'll do the first one.

These three sips of wine
are making me wild.

- Give me the phone.
- Oh, call my gym.

They're open 24 hours,
and they're stupid.

They won't let me sleep
on the treadmill.

Uh, yes, hello. This is Sandra.

Is there a John there?

A Big John?

Because I have diarrhea.

- I have dia...
- That's good.

It is pretty funny. Diarrhea.

- Do another. Do another.
- Okay. Maybe one more.

I'll do it. Give me the phone.
Give me the phone.

Go, Louise! Go, Gene!

- I think they're gonna win.
- Oh, uh, yay.

I thought you'd be more into
this zombie apocalypse thing

because of your
not weird zombie thing,

but are you a little bit
too worried about

whether or not Jimmy Jr.
Texts you back? Just asking.

- No, I think I'm worrying the right amount.
- Okay.

I-I mean, it's just this dress
got me thinking about prom

and about going with Jimmy Jr.

And I-I was hoping Jimmy Jr.
Would be excited about prom.

He was kind of my prom go-to.

But if he's
not excited about prom,

then I don't know
who I would go with, and...

and-and-and what if no one
asks me to prom?

Oh, well, Tina...

And now for the final round,

it's "Prom in 60 Seconds,"

when your prom queen
finds out the prom king

has stood her up and
she's all alone in your limo.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no!

All alone? On prom?

Prom queens, when I say, "Go,"
you must run down the track

and hide behind the trash can
in your lane,

then wait for your driver
to parallel park

in these tiny spaces
marked off by cones,

collect you and physically

carry you back to the limo
to get you to the prom.

- Uh...
- Oh, boy.

You got this, Tina!

This is it!
This is for all the chips!

Wait, there are chips? Where?

Tina, you okay?

And, prom queens, go, go, go.

Tina? Tina, where are you going?

Stop. Tina?

Tina, no.

Tina!

Well, do you have
a Big John or not, Reggie?

No, it's not Linda Belcher. Bye.

Oh, gosh, is that the time?
I lost track.

Uh, w-we should probably
call it a night, huh?

- Really? Already?
- What? No.

I've only had one mug of wine.

I've gone to my fencing class
drunker than this.

Hey, you know,
I-I-I feel like, um,

maybe I'm getting diarrhea.

All that diarrhea talk
shook something up in there.

Oh, I can feel it coming on.

Oh, gosh, it's moving.
I'm running to the bathroom.

So, uh, just let
yourselves out, okay?

Just go. Go, go, go.

- Okay. We got it.
- All right, I'm leaving.

Hello? Oh, hi, Ginger.

No, no, I got all the wine
we need, hon.

Okay, I'll see you soon.

Okay.

- Who was that?
- Oh, um, no one.

Was that Ginger, Linda?

Is she coming over here now?

Is that why you were trying
to get us out?

- No.
- Wait, Ginger is coming over?

Yeah. Ginger, her real friend.

The wine, the cheese.

None of this was for me,
was it, Linda?

I don't even know
if you do think

my couch is trying to eat me.

I do, Gayle. I do.

Oh, so that's why
you wouldn't let me

have any of the good wine.

You didn't want me to put it
in my garbage mouth.

- I'm not worthy.
- That's right, Gretel.

Gretchen.

No, wait. That's not it. I...

Why couldn't we
hang out with Ginger?

We're not fun enough, Lin?

No, it's just that
Ginger is special.

- Oh.
- Oh, "special Ginger."

La-la-la. We better hurry
so she doesn't see us.

- She'd probably throw up.
- Yeah. We'll get out of the way.

You know, I hope you both
do get diarrhea

so you can bond
over how special it is.

No, guys, wait.

Come on, let's go
to my apartment, Gayle.

I have some tequila someone left
in the hallway we can drink.

Oh, my God, what was that?

We both fell
down the stairs a little bit!

- Oh, no.
- Ow!

What was that?

I opened the door
into Gayle's head!

What do you care?

Are you okay?
You're okay, right?

It hurts a little.
And my feet itch.

Hurts less than how
you just made her feel, Linda!

Yeah.

Ow.

Sorry, sorry. We're leaving.

Aw, nuts.

Ugh, I feel awful.

Gayle and Gretchen hate me.

♪ Is it bad ♪

♪ That I was so glad
to see Ginger? ♪

♪ She's my friend ♪

♪ And I wanted to spend
some time on our own ♪

♪ But when my night
failed to set sail ♪

♪ Was I just using
Gretchen and Gayle? ♪

Oof. It's bad again.
I'm disgusting.

♪ I know that Ginger
cares for me ♪

♪ But tonight Gayle
and Gretchen ♪

♪ Were there for me ♪

♪ And we had fun
calling about diarrhea ♪

♪ On the phone. ♪

I got to fix this.

I'm coming, Gretchen and Gayle.

Oh, my face! You stupid door.

Tina? Uh...

A-Are you okay? Can I come in?

Or maybe you could
open the door?

No, thank you.

I can't just leave you

in the speedway bathroom
forever, Tina.

It's fine. I can make it work.

Look, I-I know
you're worried about prom.

- In three years from now, but...
- Hey, Bob.

What's the status?
How's our girl doing?

She-she's okay.

She's just not coming out
of the bathroom.

Hey, Tina, you know,

I guess you could wind up
without a date.

- I could?
- W-W-Wait, wait, wait.

I-I... you didn't let me finish.

I was gonna say,
"But I really doubt it."

If, in three years,
you're still this excited

about the prom,
I'm sure you're gonna go

and you're gonna have
a good time,

with or without a date.

I know you'd rather
go with a date,

and that's probably
what's gonna happen because

you're beautiful
and smart and fun,

but if it doesn't happen,
you'll still have a good time

because you'll get a nice dress,
okay, and you'll dance,

and you'll probably drink
a little bit of alcohol,

even though you shouldn't,
and you'll look around

and be like,
"I don't have to see

any of these people ever again
if I don't want to."

You'll have fun because,
Tina, you're fun.

I will? I am?

Yes. Very much.

Okay. I'm gonna come out now.

Sorry, did I ruin the race?

Uh, no. I'm amazing
at parallel parking.

And everyone else isn't, and
they're still trying to do it.

But we should get going now
if we're gonna win this thing.

Okay, what do we do?
Oh, you're picking me up.

Okay, bye, guys.

- Look at her go.
- That's our Tina.

I meant Nat,
but Tina's fine, too.

And the winner is Nat Kinkle.

Yes, we won!

Oh, I have so much
adrenaline right now.

Let's slap each other
in the face.

You want a slap, Dad?

Uh, yeah, I'll take one.

Oh, look, Gayle.
It's Ginger's friend, Linda.

What an honor.

- Can I come in?
- Sure.

- Hi, Gayle.
- Oh, sorry, Linda.

I didn't hear you come in

because we were having
so much fun without you.

Okay, you're both mad at me,
and you should be mad at me.

I was so focused on
my other friend coming over

that I didn't see the friends

that were right in front
of my dumb face.

And I made you feel bad.
And I'm sorry.

Gretchen, you're a great friend.

And-and, Gayle,
you're a great sister.

But am I also your friend?

Gayle, what? Yes.

Just 'cause I love Ginger

and I love to spend time
with her alone

doesn't mean you're not
special to me, too.

You and I have something
I'll never have with her.

We're family.

And there's no stronger bond
than family.

Except maybe if someone
gives you a kidney.

Or an eye. Ooh, spooky.

Aw, Linda. I'd take your eye.
That one.

And... I brought the good wine.

Three mugs coming up.

Actually, is it okay
if we do four?

Oh, that must be her.

I left a note for Ginger
to meet us over here.

I want all my girlfriends
together tonight.

I don't mind as long as
she's willing to fence me.

I was just about to fence Gayle,
but I'll fence her instead.

You must be Ginger. Hi, hon.

En garde!

It's still pretty early.

We could drive around
and look for another limo race.

I'm in. Dad?

- Hello?
- Hey, Tina. It's Jimmy Jr.

Uh, I just wanted to say hi
and sorry if I missed prom.

Was it tonight?
I think I didn't pay attention

during announcements
or something.

Oh, no.
It's not for three years.

Oh, okay. That's good.

So, um, I'll call you back then?

- Not if I call you first.
- What?

Oh, never mind.
Uh, good night, Jimmy Jr.

I knew they were good texts.

- What?
- Nothing. I meant to hang up. Bye.

Hey, is that Mom
leaving that bar?

Is she holding a sword?

♪ That red hair ♪

♪ That friendly stare ♪

♪ She makes me feel debonair ♪

♪ It's Ginger ♪

♪ Her empathetic listening ♪

♪ The way
her jewelry's glistening ♪

♪ She's the one I'm miss-ening ♪

♪ Oh, Ginger ♪

♪ When she drives here
from 82 miles away ♪

♪ It's like
a Ginger-Linda holiday ♪

♪ Ginger-Linda holiday ♪

♪ When she walks
down the street ♪

♪ You hear everybody say ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ It's Ginger. ♪

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