Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 11, Episode 1 - Dream a Little Bob of Bob - full transcript

♪ ♪

Thank you, Linda.
Another perfect pour.

Ugh. The phone people
keep charging us for a hot spot,

whatever that is.
I'm gonna call them.

Definitely. Later.
Not-not today.

- May-Maybe next month.
- There you go.

20% off an oil change.

We're probably supposed
to be getting those.

When was the last time
you got one?

Last year?
Or, um, maybe the year before?

I mean, definitely
since Louise was born.



You really got
to stay on those, Bob.

Yeah, I know, Teddy.

Really helps with the lifespan
of the car.

Okay, thanks. Yes, I got it.

I do 'em myself. Just takes,
like, an hour or two.

Three, three and a half
if you're buzzed.

- You should do it yourself.
- I'm just not good

at that
"being responsible" stuff.

You're good
at some of that stuff.

Didn't you reset our clock
the other day?

- After the power went out?
- That was you.

Oh, right. You just wanted
to not use that clock anymore.

Well, concrete's probably dry
at Mr. Fischoeder's.

I'm putting a basketball hoop
in his bathroom



and a toilet
on his basketball court.

That guy's life, huh?

- See you later.
- Okay, bye.

- Hey, guys.
- Hello.

- Hey, Teddy.
- Theodore.

Hey, kids. How was school?

Don't worry about it.

It was about four hours
too long and a little talky.

Hey, remember
how I wanted to volunteer

at the animal hospital
and read to animals?

I don't think
that's what volunteers do.

Animals don't have thumbs,
Louise.

They, uh, can't turn the pages.

Anyway, so, you know how I need

my birth certificate
for the application?

Well, it's due tomorrow.
Do you guys know where that is?

I do. Uh, I know where
your birth certificate is,

because I very responsibly
put it in a very safe place.

- Okay.
- In a safe.

- A little fire safe.
- Cool.

There's lots of other
important documents in there

that I'm
responsibly keeping safe.

Does toilet paper count
as important papers?

If so, we're rich.

Oh, God.
I forgot to buy toilet paper.

At least there's one thing
I put in the right place.

Oh, come on. Where's the key?

Where's the key?
The freakin' key!

♪ Bus too slow,
I wanna take a boat ♪

♪ Boat too wet,
I wanna take a jet ♪

♪ Jet killed a bird,
I wanna take a herd ♪

♪ Of sheep to the meadow ♪

♪ Say hello to the fellow
making yellow on a cello ♪

♪ Cello's too wet,
so we get a clarinet ♪

♪ Clarinet's too reedy,
so we went to Ally Sheedy ♪

♪ Ally Sheedy's too busy,
so we got her sister Lizzie ♪

- ♪ Lizzie Sheedy
likes to cuss ♪

♪ When she's driving
on the bus ♪

♪ These are the words
she likes to say ♪

♪ Crotch, dingle, crap, boob ♪

♪ Fart, nips, tips,
double dips ♪

♪ And that's why
we drove off the cliff. ♪

Man, how are you guys
even doing that?

Oh, I love it!

But that's not how
we used to do it.

Gene, do it with me.
I'll show you how.

♪ Welcome to the offices
of chicken legs and sausages ♪

♪ We're going to the zoo today ♪

♪ We're gonna eat
some ostriches ♪

♪ Oh, they left?
Well, that's for the best ♪

♪ But while we're here,
let's go get a beer ♪

♪ Oh, they don't have booze?
Then how about a cruise? ♪

♪ These are the things
they have on the boat ♪

♪ Checkers, cribbage,
lettuce, spinach ♪

♪ Slots, cots, garlic knots ♪

♪ And now we sink
into the sea. ♪

- I don't understand
how you can do

the clapping and the talking
at the same time.

- We can teach you, Tina.
- You can?

Sure!
My cousin Valerie could do it,

and she only had one arm.
She still does.

- Bob's Burgers.
- Lin, it's me.

- I-I need your help.
- Where are you?

Under the bed.

Do you know where
the key to the safe is?

No, I have no idea.
How's it look under the bed?

- Gross.
- I bet.

Will you ask the kids
if they've seen it?

Kids, have you seen
the key to the safe?

- No. Did you ask Dad?
- He seemed to be on top of it.

- I'm on the phone with him.
- Tell him I say hi.

- Tina says hi.
- Hi, Tina.

- Dad says hi back.
- Aw.

Ask Dad if he thinks I'm ready

to start sharing underwear
with him.

- Oof!
- Dad, you got this.

Bob, I think Louise
is coming upstairs

to jump on the bed
and squish you.

Yeah, she did it.
It's really fun. And helpful.

- Uh, I'm gonna hang up, Lin.
- Okay.

Let's hang up at the same time.
Oh, you hung up.

So, just looking everywhere,
huh?

Uh-huh.
I know I bought the safe,

and the key came with the safe.

And I put the important stuff
in the safe.

Closed the safe.
Took the key. And then I...

- Threw it?
- No.

Oh! And then I wanted
to put the key

on my keychain
to be responsible,

but I realized
I left my keys in the car.

That way your car's
just ready to go.

So, I went out to the car
to look for my keys,

and then, uh, Hugo walked by.

So I ducked down so I wouldn't
have to talk to him.

- So brave.
- But then he saw me,

so I, uh, I pretended
to be on a phone call.

Hands-free, even though
our car doesn't have that.

So, should we maybe look
in the car?

No, I get carsick.

- But it wouldn't be mov...
- Bye-bye.

It's got to be in here.

Oh, God.

Right.
That doesn't open anymore.

It's so hard to bend.

What a mess. I'm a monster.

Oh, there you are,

screwdriver that I've rebought
a bunch of times

'cause I didn't know
where you were.

Jury duty summons. Perfect.

I wish I knew you were there
since I'm a fugitive now,

I guess.
Yep, there are the ants.

You guys are still here.
H-How can I live like this?

Ow! My back! Seizing up!

Aah! Ow!

- Hi. How are you?
- I'm fine. You okay?

Yeah, yeah. Couldn't be happier.

All right.

Okay, if I...
If I lay like this...

This feels better.

This is gonna fix itself,
and then I...

and then I'll look
for the keys some more.

Oh, lying down
reminds me that I'm tired.

I'm always tired.

Just gonna close my eyes
for a minute.

But I'm not gonna fall asleep.

Oh, God. I fell asleep.
What time is it?

Where am I? Am I dreaming?

Am I tiny?
I think I might be tiny.

Pens. Maps.

Am I in my glove compartment?

Wow, that insurance
is very expired.

Okay, either I'm actually tiny
and I'm in my glove compartment

and I should maybe be
a superhero,

or I'm dreaming, because
I'm a sleepy, middle-aged man,

and I fall asleep a lot.

If you're dreaming,

- then am I dreaming?
- Who said that?

Me! Rubber Band Squeezy Ball.

What's it been?
Like, seven years?

Pr-Probably, yeah. I'm sorry

about the glove compartment
not opening, Squeezy Ball.

Yeah, it's like a tomb in here.

Man, we used to have
some good times, huh?

You would find a rubber band
every once in a while

and then add it on to me.

Yeah.

And you'd squeeze me
while you were driving.

That was, um,
that was our thing.

And you'd come up
with ideas, right?

Ideas for burgers and stuff.

I-I-I... I guess I would.

Ah, man, your restaurant
must be so successful by now.

What? Oh. No.
I mean, we're open.

Hey, um, have you seen
a little key?

It's really small.
It's, like, uh...

Oh. I mean, it was small.
It-It's about this big?

- It's for our safe.
- You got a safe?

Look at you!
For all your restaurant money?

No, it's for, um,
uh, important papers.

Wow. I know someone
that has important papers!

I've missed you, Squeezy.

I don't know about your key,

but you know who might be able
to help? Tape!

- Tape?
- Yeah. Your old self-help tape,

How to Become a Strategenius.

Oh, right.
I started listening to that

for a little bit
a long time ago.

Not as much as I should have.

But I think I saw it
under the front seat

before I fell asleep.
How do we get out of here?

What if we squeeze out?

Get it? Squeeze?

Yeah. Yeah, I-I get it.

Am I still your best friend,
Bob?

I guess, yes.

All done with Fischoeder's
basketball court toilet.

Wait, did I hook it up
to the sewer line?

- Eh, let's say I did.
- Hoops and poops.

Okay, again. ♪ Bus too slow,
I wanna take a boat. ♪

No, you're-you're supposed
to hit your butt on that.

- I am?
- Yeah. Not the elbow, the butt.

Hey, I know that game.
But I learned it

a different way.
D-Do it with me.

♪ There's Father Gregory
up in the rectory ♪

♪ There's Sister Eleanor
going to the liquor store ♪

♪ There's all the altar boys
playing dice and making noise ♪

♪ How many combinations
did they roll? ♪

♪ A one and a one ♪

♪ And a one and a two
and a one and a three ♪

♪ And a one and a four
and a one and a five ♪

-♪ And a one. ♪
-Teddy, Teddy, we get it.
We get it.

Yeah, you don't know
where this is going.

♪ A one and a six,
a two and a one... ♪

So everyone can do this
except me?

- Is that what's going on?
- Aw, who wants a hug?

That's not a pity hug?

Ha! We're out.

Whoa.

Uh, this feels dangerous.

It does, doesn't it?
So, you're dreaming,

but if you find the key
in your dream,

you'll find it in real life?

I-I don't know. Maybe.

And if you die in here,
you'll die in real life?

I mean, I hope not.
What's all this?

- Vent ducts. Electrical chassis.
- That's great detail.

It's probably not correct
since I'm dreaming this

and I don't know anything
about cars.

No crap you don't!

- Who's that?
- That's the engine.

He sounds mad.

Hey, true or false?

Cars need their oil changed.

- True.
- Don't tell him!

No, I know. Uh, I'm so sorry,

engine. Uh, I-I should be
a lot better about that.

Every 3,000 miles, dipstick!

Hey, don't drag me into this.

You got to change
your brake pads, too, man.

Are you not hearing me squeak?

I-I know, everyone.

I-I'm not good
at maintaining things

or, or knowing how to do

the things
I should know how to do.

Uh, but I'm trying.

I-I put the kids'
birth certificates in a safe.

- Ooh-la-la.
- Ooh, big man with the safe, huh?

Okay, we got to go.
We-we have a thing.

Bye. Come on.

Disgusting!

Okay, we'll take this
nice and slow.

You can do this, Tina.

Tell your hands
if they get this right,

you're taking 'em out
for ice cream.

- It's weird
that she can't do it, right?
- Yeah, I know.

- What'd you say?
- Everyone knows. Uh, nothing.

Focus on me. All right,
just the hand movements, okay?

Here we go.
Front of hands, back of hands...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. Too fast.

Front of hands...

Are you driving to the hospital,
Louise? Stop speeding.

Front of hands...

- Slower.
- Back...

of... hands.

Easy.

Now you clap...

Half that speed.

And cross...

- Slower.
- ...your...

Dear Lord.

Cross your...
Tina, cross your...

This is ruining my memory
of childhood.

You're making Mommy sad, Tina.

- Ow!
- Whee!

- Oh, my back.
- Your back hurts in your dream?

I mean,
once you have back problems,

you kinda always have
back problems.

I love the fact
that you're a millionaire

but your car looks like crap.

You know, you can tell a lot
about a person

by how they keep their car.

Hi, I'm Tape.

How to Become a Strategenius.

Oh, hey.
We were looking for you.

- I'm a big fan.
- I'm-I'm Bob.

Uh, I don't know
if you remember me.

I-I didn't listen
to much of you.

Why would I remember
the guy who bought me,

listened to three minutes of me,
and then left me

on the dirtiest floor
in the world?

I haven't been thinking
about you at all.

- Oh, I'm sor...
- And that's an example

of passive-aggressive behavior,
which is not helpful.

We cover that in chapter nine,
which I guess you'll never hear.

That's not passive-aggressive,
what I just said.

I really think
you'll never hear it.

Bob's a millionaire.

Uh, I-I... No, I'm...

I'm not. Uh, hey,
I-I need your help.

Yes. Yes, you do.

Right. In general
but also with finding a key.

A silver key.

Bob, I don't know
where the key is.

But to be effective
in this situation,

you'll need to energize,
synthesize,

then synergize.

Um, I know what one of those is.

But what-what do I do?

Divide the car into quadrants,

so you have attainable goals.

I'm still not following.

You got to look under the seat.

That's what I was doing
when I hurt my back.

- Of course you did.
- Yeah, I'm, uh...

I'm-I'm not in good shape.

Wow, really? That's crazy.

You were in such good shape
when you bought me.

Oh, by the way, there's a bunch
of ants coming towards us.

Oh, God. Ants!

I'm small, so they're... huge.

And organized. And strong.

- Plus, these guys are hungry.
- How can you tell?

Don't you think they have
"let's eat those guys" face?

They do. They totally do.

So, Bob,
priority level one to five,

- where does staying alive rate?
- Oh, uh, five.

- One is the most.
- Oh, sorry. Then one.

Uh, uh, staying alive is
very important to me right now.

All right, I was worried when
you said five, to be honest.

-Me, too.
-Well, I got confused
by your system,

because it's the oppo...
I... Whatever.

-Wh-What should we do here?
-Now that I know our goal is
to stay alive,

let's assess our options
and make an action plan.

I love that. Action plan
sounds great right now.

Want to squeeze me
for ideas, Bob?

Uh, Squeezy, I feel like Tape's
got a good handle on things.

- Right, Tape?
- Life doesn't give you
handles, Bob.

You have to install them
yourself.

See that pencil? Grab it.

Okay. Um...

I-I got it.

Bob, stick it
through my right eye

and then hold on for dear life.

Your eye? Won't that hurt?

No, it'll feel good.

Just do it! Now!

- Uh...
- Does "now"

not mean
the same thing to you or...?

Okay, okay!

Sorry.

Being organized means never
having to say you're sorry.

Hyah!

Whoa...!

Hang on! If you have
enough upper body strength!

Which it doesn't look
like you do!

Hyah!

Bob, you need to lick
this cough drop.

- What?
- You're the only one here
with saliva.

You need to lick the old cough
drop to reactivate the flavors.

- Seriously?
- Yes!

Lick now! All over!

The tape is very wise, Bob!

Lick the cough drop!

Oh, God,
the ants are climbing up.

It's so dusty.

Get it all... All over!

Get the whole thing moist!

Thath's all I have! Thorry!

Ugh. Fine.

Suck on this, ants.

Ha!

It's working!
The ants are going away!

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, uh, did anyone
get that on...

tape?

♪ Bus too slow ♪
Again.

♪ Bus too slow. ♪

Again.

Hello, burger people.

It's half past rent o'clock...
Oh.

Are you doing the handsy damsel?

Mr. Fischoeder,
you know it, too?

Sure! It's been about 60 years.

- Let me see if I remember.
- It's not gonna be easy.

-♪ Theodore Roosevelt
made himself a turkey melt ♪
-Seriously?

♪ Shared it with a bear ♪

♪ And then he told him
how he really felt ♪

♪ Made himself a daiquiri,
drank it in a factory ♪

♪ How many people died
in the fire? ♪

♪ One, ten, 30. ♪

That's the best .version.
That's coming to school.

Everyone's gonna be doing this
tomorrow.

Not everyone.

Whew! That was a close one.

- Yeah. Nice job, Tape.
- Very nice job.

Oh, hey, cool jury duty summons
you never responded to.

Yep. That's not just
"not sticking to my plans."

That's losing the mail.

And-and what are
all these little notes, Bob?

They look like a bunch
of lost to-do lists.

Is the first item on every list
"lose list"?

Yes, I know, I know.

There-There's
too many things to do.

As a person.
How does anyone do anything?

And-and bathe?

Hey, you're bathing?
I couldn't tell.

Good for you, Bob.

Someone else could've bought me.

I could be
in someone's DeLorean right now.

Okay. All right. Tina, take
my spot when you're ready, okay?

- Just jump right in. Here we go.
- Okay.

Uh...

♪ Well, that's for the best. ♪

Now switch up partners

- and triple time.
- Aah!

I hope we find the key soon.

It feels like we've walked
a really long way,

and my tiny feet really hurt.

You know,
physical health is a gift

you give yourself every day.

Or, in your case, maybe,
like, twice in your 20s?

Uh, that's pretty generous,
actually.

I-I-I don't take care of myself.

But I-I was thinking
about doing it sometime.

Yeah, you're gonna be
really buff someday.

I can't wait to see that.

Anyone else notice the air

getting a little electricity-y?

Whoa.

♪ ♪

- Okay, that seems bad.
- What is it?

It's like all the stuff
I should be better about,

that I left
on the floor of my car,

formed a monster?

And it seems to be
very electrical.

I guess that's how my brain
thinks car... power works?

I-I really don't know
what I'm talking about.

Maybe it's my shame?

Shame-tricity.

Your shame is so strong.

Yeah.
It's very strong right now.

Wait. Look.

It's the key to the safe!

Oh, great! Not it to get it.

So, um, Tape, can you do
some cool tape stuff to it?

Snag the key?
Then lift us out of here?

Stand back, guys. This is where
preparation meets opportunity.

And I am prepared to nail this.

Here we go!

Yeah, you're on your own, Bob.

Tape, you can do it.

We need you, man.

I-I can't pump up
a self-help tape.

That's-that's your job.
Self-help yourself.

Yeah, I'm just
gonna... I'm gonna take five.

Bob, I feel
like maybe you're the only one

that can defeat
the shame-tricity monster.

Again, not it.

I don't know how to do that.

- Squeeze me.
- Not right now.

Squeeze me.

Ugh, fine.

Oh, my God. That's it!

The key is the key!
The key is the key to my shame!

What if I could grab it?
Maybe it would kill the monster.

I like it. I like it.
You're welcome.

And I could use rubber bands
to climb up, so I can reach it.

Where are you gonna get
rubber bands?

Oh, boy.

♪ Say hello to the, uh ♪

♪ Fel-Fellow making yellow
on a cello ♪

♪ Cello's too wet
so we get a clar... ♪

♪ Get a clarinet. ♪
I can't do it!

- I give up!
- No, keep going!

You got to not think about it.

Free your mind,
and your hands will follow.

Or your butt.
I don't know how that goes.

But keep going.

No, clear your head.
♪ Clarinet's too reedy... ♪

♪ Clarinet's too reedy,
so we went to Ally Sheedy. ♪

-Uh...
-Don't think about it.
Keep going.

-♪ Ally Sheedy's too busy... ♪
-♪ Ally Sheedy's too busy,
so we got her sister Lizzie ♪

♪ Lizzie Sheedy likes to cuss
when she's driving on the bus ♪

-♪ These are the words
she likes to say ♪
-She's doing it.

- Look at her go.
- ♪ Crotch, dingle ♪

♪ Crap, boob, fart ♪

♪ Nips, tips, double dips ♪

♪ And that's why we drove
off the cliff! ♪

Hell yeah! Hell yeah!

That felt good!
Can I do that again, Mom?

Uh, sure, sweetie! Go ahead!

Hell yeah! Hell yeah!

Okay, Squeezy Ball,
we need to use you.

What's left of you.

But I still look the same,
right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Uh, even younger.

Okay, I'm gonna throw you up
over the top of the seat.

Okay, wait, what are you doing?

Aah!

Come on, dream strength!

Oh, I'm so weak.

I only weigh half a pound.

This might be a bad idea.

- There are no bad ideas!
- No, there are.

Yeah, uh, getting a fire safe
and losing the key.

- Uh, not listening
to a really good book on tape.
- Yeah.

Not cleaning a car ever

now seems
like a really bad idea!

Your shame-tricity monster
is getting bigger, Bob!

Are you making it mad
or something?

I don't know.
I'm kinda giving myself

the opposite of a pep talk.

Well, it seems
like that's making it stronger.

Right. It's like I'm,
it's like I'm giving it power.

I wonder
if I stop beating myself up...

Ha! It got smaller!

Okay. All right. Uh, um...

I'm not beating myself up.

I, uh... I'm good at some stuff.

Um, foosball, maybe?

No, I'm not good
at foosball at all.

Oh, no, it just got bigger.

Restaurant stuff!

You're really good
at restaurant stuff!

No, I'm not.

You're
a millionaire restauranteur.

Uh, uh-huh. Yeah.

Um, what else?

Uh, you have
so many ideas for burgers!

Uh, I mean, I don't know.

And I bet you're a great lover.

Oh, no. No.

You have soft hands?

I do have soft hands.

- Oh! I got bigger.
- You bought me!

That shows some good judgment!

Yes! I have some good judgment!

But, seriously,
back to the burger thing.

You really do have
so many ideas for burgers!

Okay, you're right! It's true!

I-I am pretty good at burgers!

Yeah! Yeah, you are!

Wow, it's really small now.

It's almost cute. Hey, I bet
you could just grab the key.

Couldn't have made it small
before it zapped me, huh?

Cool.

All right,
I'm going for the key!

If I die, I want you guys
to know that I love you.

- I love you, too.
- Feels a little soon.

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

It worked.

The key is in my hand.

The key is in my hand.

There's no key there. Right.

It didn't feel
like it was in there.

Also, that wouldn't make
any sense.

But that's... okay.

I lost the key, and that's okay.

Oh!

♪ ♪

Mwah.

Mwah.

I'm back. I'm okay.

Were you guys worried?
Did you call the cops?

Yeah... There you are.

You didn't see all
the helicopters we sent for you?

We had the best guys
on the case.

Everyone, I want you to meet,

uh, two very good friends.

This is Squeezy Ball
and this is Tape.

Gene, I also found
your cough drop.

My lucky cough drop!

You didn't lick it, did you?

Technically, no.

- Well, did you find the key?
- No.

But that's okay.

I-I'm good at some things,

and I'm not good at some things.

And-and that's okay.

Hang on.
Let me get a pencil, Dad.

- This is gold.
- Right.

But the animal hospital
volunteer thing I want to do?

We're-we're gonna go.
We're gonna go register you.

We're gonna take the safe
with us.

I'm sure they've dealt

with exactly this kind
of thing before.

You know what, though? I kinda
want to do marching band now

because... ♪ Look what Tina
can do with her hands! ♪

Do they do .that
in marching band?

- They will.
- Do you need
a birth certificate?

- Nope.
- I love it.

♪ Look what Tina
can do with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina can do
with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina
can do with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina can do
with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina ♪

- ♪ Can do with her hands ♪
- ♪ Boob ♪

♪ Fart, nips, tips,
double dips ♪

♪ And that's why we drove
off the cliff ♪

♪ Look what Tina ♪

♪ Can do with her hands ♪

Hell yeah! Hell yeah!

♪ Look what Tina can do
with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina
can do with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina can do
with her hands ♪

♪ Look what Tina
can do with her hands. ♪