Bob's Burgers (2011–…): Season 10, Episode 3 - Motor, She Boat - full transcript
Bob and Tina participate in a father-daughter cardboard boat race; Linda takes Gene and Louise to a fire station open house.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Tina, you're missing breakfast.
Your frozen waffles are gonna refreeze.
Mine is somehow burnt and frozen?
- It defies science.
- I love Mom's waffsicles.
I'll have to take my waffsicles to go.
Dad and I have a meeting. Right, Dad?
Yep. The Thundergirls Father
- Daughter Cardboard Boat Race.
Oh, yeah. You guys are
doing your boat race again.
It's been a year already
since the last one?
It feels like yesterday when
you were taping together boxes
from the dumpster and calling it a boat.
There's a little more
to it than that, Louise.
I mean, first we cut the cardboard,
and then we tape it together.
So, speaking of taping things,
I was watching a video online
about how to use tape...
- Go on.
- And I thought maybe
you might want to watch it, too, Dad?
What do you mean, Tina? I know
how to tape things together.
- ALL: Eh...
- BOB: Hmm.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
I mean, sure, I tape to
the beat of my own drum.
But Tina, we make a great
boat-building team, right?
Yeah, totally, it's just,
I'm getting up there
in Thundergirl years,
and this might be my
last cardboard boat race.
Aww, I remember my last
cardboard boat race.
Just kidding. I did normal
stuff when I was a kid.
- Hmm.
- And this year,
I thought we could try
something different,
like, maybe we could put on the
tape really, really straight?
You know, so water
doesn't get into our boat
and we don't slowly sink,
like every other year. Just a thought.
- Okay.
- But don't get me wrong
I’m excited to build a boat together.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, that's the whole point.
Father-daughter, Tina and Dad.
Or as I like to call us, "Tad."
- Yep, sure, yep.
- Mom and I have a name, too.
We're called "Mom Genes."
- They fit great.
- Yeah!
KAREN: Okay. For those of you
who don't know me, I'm Karen,
and I'm from the
Thundergirls national office.
Some people call me Oversharin' Karen
because sometimes I get a
little TMI. Like right now.
I probably didn't need
to share my nickname.
- Mm.
- And, uh, I am the judge
of the Father-Daughter
Cardboard Boat Race.
(whoops, chuckles) Now, I
might not be the judge next year
because, fingers crossed,
I'm going to be promoted
to regional leader, which would
be a big step for my career
and my low self-esteem. (chuckles)
- Hmm.
- (whispers): Dad, shh.
Okay, let's go over some rules.
Uh, you can only use
cardboard, tape and glue.
And no gadgets or gizmos or motors
or futuristic underwater
robots that make you go faster.
-Question.
-Can you wrap yourself in plastic,
so you don't touch any
lake water and get Giardia?
- I think so?
- Great.
- Uh, yes.
- If we see a duck,
and the duck needs a ride
somewhere, is that allowed?
That seems fine.
Look, uh, how about
you gals and your dads
go over the rest of the guidelines
and we'll circle back up in five, okay?
I am very sweaty. Is
anybody else sweaty?
- (whispering): Tina.
- What?
Aren't those the girls
who spied on your troop
and stole all your cookie customers?
TINA: Yeah, that's Troop 257.
They got banned from
the jamboree, but I guess
they're allowed to
come to the boat race.
Just don't make eye contact.
We can hear you.
(chuckles): Oh, hey, Patty, Rena,
all of Troop 257. So great to see
By the way, we don't do
bad stuff anymore.
- Yeah. We're good now.
- Total angels.
Whoa.
Yeah. Angels usually
give the middle finger.
Thanks for that, Rena.
Hey, wait. Where are your dads?
- Over there in the back.
- Hi, Patty-cakes!
- Don't call me that, Dad!
- Sorry!
I'm just glad they let me
sit near them. (chuckles)
- Uh, yeah, for now, Bethany.
- More like Breath-any.
(laughter)
(laughs) Oh. Oh, you girls.
(exhales sharply) Ooh... oh. Oh, boy.
Wow. They're, um, really scary, huh?
Yeah. They're terrifying.
Does that one have a tear drop tattoo?
TINA: Yeah. She draws it on meetings.
At least, I think she draws it on.
(door bells jingle)
- Hi, Mike.
- Here's your mail, Linda.
Anything for me? I'm
expecting a postcard from Ken.
He went fjord-hiking in Norway
and I'm fjurious at
him for not inviting me.
- No, sorry kid.
- Mike, do you want a coffee?
- Yes, please.
- (gasps) Ooh!
The fire station open
house is this Saturday.
- Ooh, no thanks.
- (moans)
You kids love going to the
fire station open house.
We did love going, when we were little
and we enjoyed bright, loud things.
But we have you, and you're plenty.
You guys used to love coming to
the post office open house, too.
Oh wait, you never came to
the post office open house.
Oh, I didn't know the post
office has an open house.
- Don't pretend you're interested.
- No, I'm interested.
- (sighs)
- I'm interested!
- Can I just get my coffee?
- Coming right up.
- Oh, we're out of coffee.
- You like us.
Who's ready to make a boat?
Oh, hey. There he is. (chuckles)
Oh. Did you already cut
up all the cardboard?
Yeah, it was no big deal, just something
I did in the middle of the night.
Okay. So, I guess we can just
start taping the sides together.
You know what? Uh, maybe
I should do the taping.
Tina, it'll be fine. I'll
tape it really straight.
Oh, totally, totally.
But maybe I should tape, and
you should do something else.
Want to write the name of the
boat on one of the side pieces?
Okay. We're going with Tad, right?
Yep. But don't write it messy.
And use bubble letters.
And maybe a little bigger.
(sighs) Do you want
to write it yourself?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
- Tina, you took the marker.
- Uh-huh.
- You're now... yeah, yeah...
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- And now you're writing.
- No, no, you write it.
- Y-You just wrote it, so we're done.
- Yep.
- Great.
- Good job, Dad.
- Hey, Lin. I can take over if you want
- Bob, what are you doing up here?
Yeah, aren't you and Tina
building your dumpster boat?
Tina seems to have
everything under control.
I don't really think
she really needs my help.
But I thought it was a
father-daughter boat race.
Not a daughter-
mopey-dad-upstairs race.
Shoot.
Bob, get your Papa Bear
butt back down there.
No, I-I don't want to get in Tina's way.
I mean, she is getting older.
Maybe she doesn't need my
help as much as she used to.
It's okay. My kids
don't need me anymore.
- It's fine.
- Aww, Bobby.
Tina still needs you.
We all do. Right, kids?
- Who, this guy?
- TINA: Hey, Dad?
Tina?
- Everything okay?
- I don't know what happened.
Uh, I was taping cardboard,
and the next thing I knew,
tape was all over the place.
- Can you help me, Dad?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- (groans): Uh...
- What?
Uh, nothing. Thumbs-up.
(groans): Uh...
Wow, we used a lot of
tape on our boat, huh?
I guess I was a little
worried about doing a bad job.
It's great. Lots of tape is great.
So what if it still isn't
quite stuck together?
- Who cares, right?
- KAREN: This is how you sound firm, Karen.
(deep voice): No, wait,
this is how you sound firm.
- Uh, are-are you talking to us?
- (regular voice): Uh... oh. No.
Sorry. I was just carrying
paddles and talking to myself.
- Oh, okay.
- Julianne from Thundergirls National
will be here today, and
she's in charge of hiring
the new regional leader,
which will be me, I hope.
But Julianne told me I
had to work on my firmness.
First, I thought she
was talking about my abs.
And I was like, "Rude."
But it-it was just
about my personality.
Huh. So much to take in.
I know, I know, I
know. There I go again.
Less gabbing, more firmness, Karen.
Oh, that sounded firm.
Nice boat. Did you want some
cardboard with that tape?
- (laughter)
- Good one, Patty.
(chuckles): Okay, girls. Let's be nice.
- This is us being nice!
- Okay, okay.
Wow, they're intense, huh?
No, I think you did a
great job taping the boat.
- What?
- What? Nothing.
Let's keep walking. Here we go.
You know what's weird
about the farmers market,
I've never seen them
sell even one farmer.
Why are we going to
the farmers market, again?
I told you. Because we need more food.
You know, for cooking. Oh. Oh, look.
It's the fire station, and
they're having their open house.
You're a liar! You're not taking
us to the farmers market at all.
- Okay. Okay...
- You're teaching us to lie!
All along I was like,
"You were born bad,"
but it's not, it's the nurturing!
Stop with the dramatics.
Mom, we don't want to go to
the fire station open house.
It's not for us, it's for little kids.
Oh, the firefighter wants us to go in.
- Come on. Let's go in.
- (both) Nooooo!
Great, here we go.
KAREN: This is impressive craftsmanship,
- Patty.
- No crap, Sherlock.
All right, Troop 257, you
guys all pass inspection.
You and your dads can take
your boats to the starting line.
Wait. Where are your dads?
Picnic table. They like it there.
Oh, my God, they're looking at us. Hi!
(groans)
Time for your boat inspection.
Then it's time for me to have a snack.
Glad I brought whatever these are.
I'll call them raisins.
- Nope, they're not raisins.
- Okay.
Hmm. A lot of tape.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, this looks legit to me.
You can move it to the starting line.
All right. Team Tad passing inspection.
Yeah. Phew. Ready, Dad?
- Oh, no! Oh, my God.
- Oh. Uh, uh-oh.
- (hyperventilating)
- Don't-don't worry.
Tina, we can fix this.
- I-I think.
- RENA: Help!
- What was that?
- RENA: I need everyone's help right now!
Oh, no. That's Rena's voice.
A squirrel stole my sash
with all my ***
RENA: and it ran up this tree so
I went after it but now I'm stuck.
(panting): Rena, I'm gonna
get you down from there.
How did a squirrel take
her sash? I-I don't get it.
- Yeah, Dad, you don't get it!
- Wait.
Do you think I'm siding with
the squirrel? 'Cause I'm not.
I mean, I'd like to hear
its side of the story...
Our boat is a piece of poop!
- Tina.
- I shouldn't have let you help!
I should've just done it all myself!
You ruined the boat!
And now Team Tad is Team Bad.
- Whoa.
- Ooh. - Yikes.
Maybe you should sit
with the other dads.
With those sad dads at the picnic table?
Maybe it's for the best.
I'm gonna go cool off.
Hey, you've got other kids, right?
BOB: Thanks, Harley. Appreciated.
Isn't this fun? Look at the big trucks!
Yep. That's the fire house for you.
How about a helmet and a sticker
for our junior firefighters?
Ooh, helmets and stickers.
-(groans)
-Let me get a picture of you guys.
Smile and say "Backdraft!"
Actually, miss, back drafts are a
very serious threat to firefighters.
They're nothing to smile about.
Oh. Billy Bummer over here.
Mom, maybe we should call it.
There's not much for us to do here.
Unless we could play with the hoses?
Sorry, I can't let you
play with the hoses.
Is there a calendar I can pose for?
Actually, we shot the
calendar last week. I'm April.
I'm gonna call you April Showers.
I-I don't love "ril Showers."
- You will.
- Well, that's that.
- Gene, shall we?
- No, we're not leaving.
Gene's got to put on a
coat that's too big for him.
- It'll be adorable.
- (chuckles): That is always cute.
(Gene moans)
(muttering): Stupid tape, can't tape...
What the...
You can't even tell which boat is which.
- Except that one has a motor.
- (laughter)
- (gasps) Oh, my god!
- Huh?
Hi, guys.
Just checking if this leaf is poisonous.
Nope. Safe to eat.
- Tina, are you spying on us?
- No! Sorry.
I was just walking along, um,
and I didn't mean to see
you switching your boat
for one that looks exactly like
it but has a motor on it and...
Wait a minute, you're cheating.
Why am I apologizing to you?
Patty, what do we do?
Should we kill her?
- What? No!
- No. Listen, guys, Tina caught us.
Guess you're gonna
have to go tell Karen.
Yeah, I am.
- You are.
- And don't try to stop
Oh, we won't.
Okay. This isn't going how I expected.
Should we exchange phone
numbers or hug it out or... ?
- No. Yuck.
- Right, right, right.
(panting) Whoo.
Okay, everyone, let's
head back to the lake.
Karen! I have to tell you something.
Was my underwear showing when
I was climbing down the tree?
I wore my Thursdays 'cause my Saturdays
had a case of the Mondays, if
you know what I mean. (chuckles)
No, I-I don't know what you mean,
but, listen, Patty has two boats.
One is the boat you inspected
and the other boat
looks exactly the same,
but has a motor attached,
and she's gonna race with the motorboat.
Oh, my God,
that is terrible.
- I know, right?
- Oh, they are big trouble.
But let's wait until after
the race to punish them.
Yeah. Wait, what?
Yeah. Uh, Julianne isn't here yet.
She's running late, and Julianne
would love to see them punished,
so, uh... (chuckles) let's wait, okay?
- Um...
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I scraped both my nipples
on the way down the tree
and I'm gonna go put some
lip balm on them in my car.
Okay, be careful.
That stuff's addictive.
Look who's getting a little tour
of all the rooms in the
firehouse. Pretty neat, huh?
Mother, please, we really should leave.
I mean, we're old enough
to be these kids' parents.
This is the kitchen. Joey's making ribs.
Interested. Keep talking.
And over here is our screening room.
(gasps) Are they watching
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
while they wait for
ribs? Is this heaven?
- Oh, hey, Captain.
- Ooh, look kids,
it's the captain of the
fire station. He's in charge.
- Yes, hi. Captain Davis.
- Sir, yes, sir!
I'm not that kind of captain.
(sighs) So sorry about her.
And you're paddling and
you're paddling and you're...
Guys, I have to tell you something.
Oh, hey, Tina. Sorry
your boat fell apart.
Troop 257 has another boat
that looks exactly like Patty's
and has a motor and Karen
doesn't seem to care and...
- you're not listening.
- What?
Sorry, Tina. (grunting)
I'm practicing my paddling.
You got this, Harley.
But 257 is gonna cheat.
Are you sure, Tina? Seems like
they're better now. (grunting)
Uh-oh! There's a duck who wants a ride.
-What're you gonna do?
-Uh, uh, I get him on real quick,
- but I don't break my stride.
- That's my girl.
Tina, are you maybe a little jealous
because your boat fell apart?
What? No! You guys...
We saw the way you yelled
at your dad about your boat.
That was rough.
- Yeah.
- (sighs) Forget it.
Harley, there's a goose. He
hates ducks. What do you do?
Go for the neck!
(grunting) Keep my stride!
So you don't think
these socks are too high?
No, I-I think they're great.
Uh, Dad? Uh, can I talk
to you for a second?
Sure. Uh, are you, are
you gonna yell at me again?
No, I, no, I just need to talk to you
about something that's important.
Your daughter wants to
talk to you? Way to go, man.
And Karen doesn't seem to care,
and I tried to tell my troop
and they thought I was being jealous.
Huh. What you're saying
kind of makes sense.
- It does?
- Yeah. I mean, didn't Karen say
that she was trying to prove
she was firm or something?
Yeah. I mean, she says
a lot a lot of things.
Like, so many things.
Well, what if Karen didn't
want to punish Troop 257
until Julianne got here
hat Karen could look firm
in front of Julianne
to get that promotion?
And what if she didn't
care about the cheating
because she knew it was
gonna happen the whole time
because she's working with Troop 257.
Oh, my God! You think?
(sighs) I mean, it sounds crazy.
Troop 257 is crazy. That's their thing.
- So what do we do?
- Hm... I-I don't know.
Um, somehow magically
switch the boats back
without getting caught
and ruin their plan?
- Yes!
- Oh.
I mean, I don't know
how we'd even do that.
It seems really hard.
Dad, Karen is working with Troop 257
and no one is stopping them.
Switching their boats back
is our only hope. Please?
Okay, let's do it.
- Dad?
- Yeah?
I'm really sorry I yelled at you
and called you crappy tape hands.
It's all right, Tina. When did
you call me crappy tape hands?
In my head I did,
and I said you probably
failed out of tape school.
- Oh, that's harsh.
- I know.
Okay, now let's do one with
your hands over your ears
- like the siren's too loud.
- KIDS: No.
Come on, you guys used to love
sitting in the truck. Remember?
Ma'am, maybe it's time
to give someone else
a turn in the truck. I mean,
you've been here for a while.
All right.
Maybe we can go upstairs and
help the fellas serve the ribs?
Eh, the guys don't
want you back upstairs
till they're done with Mrs. Maisel.
You kind of spoiled some of it for them.
No, no, I-I was just saying I
thought that thing at the end
- was gonna be...
- Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
D-Don't say anything.
I haven't seen it yet.
Aw, look at that big happy smile.
Maybe I can photo-paste
it onto Louise and Gene.
- Here, look at me, look at me.
- (phone camera clicks)
Ugh. Is mom wishing we were
little kids again or something?
Oh, yeah. I've seen
this a lot with parents
Classic case of wanting
to turn back time.
Ah. So what do we do?
The longer she stays,
the worse she'll get.
- You-you got to take her home.
- We've tried.
Can we, like, call in a fire or something?
Then she'd have to leave.
No, we can't fake an emergency.
- Damn it.
- (groans)
But we could turn on the lights
and pull out of the driveway
and do a loop or two, and if
you happen to tell your mom
that we had an emergency
call, that's your business.
- Genius.
- We are on it, Chief.
- I'm a captain, not a chief.
- Don't sell yourself short.
You think our plan is going to work?
Maybe. I mean, honestly,
I'd be surprised.
But let's just hope for the best.
- DADS: Hey!
- Hm?
PATTY'S DAD: Everyone come see us!
- Who's that?
- That sounds like my dad.
Mine, too.
- Ready?
- Ready. (panting)
I can't believe you convinced
all those dads to climb the tree
to get their daughters' attention.
Yeah. I mean, I-I kind of
just copied Rena's plan.
Plus, they are pretty desperate.
PATTY'S DAD: Hi, honey!
Isn't this cool?
What are you guys doing up there?
Check this out. Oh, God.
Look, there's Patty's not-motor boat.
Um, what's going on?
-Bethany? What are you doing here?
-Oh, boy.
Peeing in the woods, or on the woods,
depending on how you look at it.
What are you two doing
with Patty's boat?
BOTH: Uh...
We were just checking to see
if this boat was poisonous.
Nope. (chuckles)
Wait, hold on. You're switching
back Patty's cheater boat
that has a motor on
it for her legal boat
that's hidden in the woods?
Sort of. I mean, yeah. That's
exactly what we're doing.
'Cause you think Karen is
in on their plan to cheat
so that she can look tough busting 257
- in front of Julianne and get promoted?
- Yes.
- I'm gonna help you.
- What? - Huh?
Listen, if the girls and Karen
are in cahoots, that's not good
If Karen gets the regional leader job,
she can decide which troops
get which cookie routes.
She'll give 257 all the best routes.
But wouldn't you like that?
I mean, you're their troop leader.
I am, but it's always about
cookies with those girls.
What about songs? What
about basket weaving?
What about tie-dye? Ugh!
There's so much more to life.
What I don't get is why Karen
is okay with them cheating.
I mean, I know she really
wants to be regional leader,
but that's so wrong.
(gasps) Because they
have something on her.
I overheard some of the
girls say that, last year,
at the cookie pickup,
they got Karen talking
and she told them she kept a lost pug
instead of returning it to its owner.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
She even cut off its
collar and dyed him blond.
That sounds cute, but messed up.
The race is starting soon.
We got to move if we're gonna stop 'em.
Let's boat block those B's.
Okay, kids, I'm gonna pretend I'm a fire
and you put me out, okay?
- (babbling)
- (bell ringing)
DISPATCH (over P.A.): Flames
reported on the corner of Elm Lane.
Calling all vehicles in the area.
Wow. I had my doubts this would work,
but you guys are really selling it.
This is an actual emergency.
You need to leave immediately.
It's us. You don't
have to pretend with us.
I'm not pretending.
(laughs) Oh, my God,
you're an incredible actor.
You should get an agent
and an entertainment lawyer.
This isn't an act!
(sirens wailing)
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Should we wait till they come back?
KIDS: No!
Tina, how's Tad feeling?
I think it's actually gonna
hold. Thanks, by the way.
Of course.
Okay, girls.
Julianne, do you want to do the honors?
Sorry it smells like onions.
I had an everything
bagel and a whole onion.
(sniffs) Oh, it does. Ready,
- set, go!
- (girls grunting)
- What's happening?
- The motor's not working.
Just paddle and-and get to the end.
You can still get in
trouble for having a motor
even if you didn't use
it. Just try to win.
How's it going, Patty. Boat troubles?
Oh, beat it, Thunder-dork.
BOB: Oh, my God, they're
neck and neck. Go, Tina!
- I came in second!
- You came in second!
What the... ?
- Congratulations, young lady.
- A-ha!
Caught red-handed.
Motors are not allowed...
Wait, what? It, uh... It's here.
It, uh... (chuckles) It must be.
Well, it's not, Karen.
Let's just assume there's a motor
somewhere here on this boat,
and, uh, Patty, you're
busted. I'm firm. The end.
Um, Karen, what are you talking about?
Someone's getting a promotion.
That's what I'm talking about.
Right? (chuckles)
Whatever is happening right
now is kind of making me
- strongly consider other candidates.
- That makes sense.
And you should know you have
two greasy spots on your uniform.
It's lip balm.
Patty, congratulations for winning
and not cheating.
You switched my boat back, didn't you?
Yeah, I did. We did.
Checkmate, Patty-cake.
- Hm, good one.
- Thanks, Dad.
Did you win a trophy, honey?
- Yeah, you want it?
- You want me to have it?
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Let's get out of here.
- Can I give you a hug?
- No!
- I got to hug someone.
- Oh. Um, okay.
- I'm so proud of you, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry I dragged you to
the fire station open house.
It wasn't all bad. I liked
when they kicked us out.
I guess I was just missing the old days,
but you're right, you outgrew it.
Aw! You guys are holding my hands.
- Oh. Whoops, sorry.
- No, no, I like it! I like it!
Ow! Mom, you're hurting me.
Oh, it feels so good to squeeze you!
- BOB: Hey, guys.
- You're back. How was it?
(singsongy): Guess who won second place?
It was me and Dad.
Wow! Go Team Tad! All right!
Why are you guys wearing fire hats?
We went to the fire
station open house. Jealous?
- Have you been gone all morning?
- Yeah.
So, no one's been
working at the restaurant.
- Nope.
- Great.
I guess we don't need money today.
Hey, you want to get in on
this? Tina, take Louise's hand.
- Bob, you grab Gene's.
- One of them had a booger on it,
the other did not. Just kidding!
They both had boogers on them.
- Ugh, Gene.
- Yay! Family hand-holding!
Yessa!
("Hot Hot Hot" by Buster
Poindexter playing)
LINDA: ♪ And a-rum bum bum ♪
♪ And a-bum bum bum ♪
♪ Yes, girls ♪
♪ Me mind on fire, me soul on fire ♪
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪
♪ Who's hot? ♪
♪ Party people all around me ♪
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪
♪ What to do. ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Tina, you're missing breakfast.
Your frozen waffles are gonna refreeze.
Mine is somehow burnt and frozen?
- It defies science.
- I love Mom's waffsicles.
I'll have to take my waffsicles to go.
Dad and I have a meeting. Right, Dad?
Yep. The Thundergirls Father
- Daughter Cardboard Boat Race.
Oh, yeah. You guys are
doing your boat race again.
It's been a year already
since the last one?
It feels like yesterday when
you were taping together boxes
from the dumpster and calling it a boat.
There's a little more
to it than that, Louise.
I mean, first we cut the cardboard,
and then we tape it together.
So, speaking of taping things,
I was watching a video online
about how to use tape...
- Go on.
- And I thought maybe
you might want to watch it, too, Dad?
What do you mean, Tina? I know
how to tape things together.
- ALL: Eh...
- BOB: Hmm.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
I mean, sure, I tape to
the beat of my own drum.
But Tina, we make a great
boat-building team, right?
Yeah, totally, it's just,
I'm getting up there
in Thundergirl years,
and this might be my
last cardboard boat race.
Aww, I remember my last
cardboard boat race.
Just kidding. I did normal
stuff when I was a kid.
- Hmm.
- And this year,
I thought we could try
something different,
like, maybe we could put on the
tape really, really straight?
You know, so water
doesn't get into our boat
and we don't slowly sink,
like every other year. Just a thought.
- Okay.
- But don't get me wrong
I’m excited to build a boat together.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, that's the whole point.
Father-daughter, Tina and Dad.
Or as I like to call us, "Tad."
- Yep, sure, yep.
- Mom and I have a name, too.
We're called "Mom Genes."
- They fit great.
- Yeah!
KAREN: Okay. For those of you
who don't know me, I'm Karen,
and I'm from the
Thundergirls national office.
Some people call me Oversharin' Karen
because sometimes I get a
little TMI. Like right now.
I probably didn't need
to share my nickname.
- Mm.
- And, uh, I am the judge
of the Father-Daughter
Cardboard Boat Race.
(whoops, chuckles) Now, I
might not be the judge next year
because, fingers crossed,
I'm going to be promoted
to regional leader, which would
be a big step for my career
and my low self-esteem. (chuckles)
- Hmm.
- (whispers): Dad, shh.
Okay, let's go over some rules.
Uh, you can only use
cardboard, tape and glue.
And no gadgets or gizmos or motors
or futuristic underwater
robots that make you go faster.
-Question.
-Can you wrap yourself in plastic,
so you don't touch any
lake water and get Giardia?
- I think so?
- Great.
- Uh, yes.
- If we see a duck,
and the duck needs a ride
somewhere, is that allowed?
That seems fine.
Look, uh, how about
you gals and your dads
go over the rest of the guidelines
and we'll circle back up in five, okay?
I am very sweaty. Is
anybody else sweaty?
- (whispering): Tina.
- What?
Aren't those the girls
who spied on your troop
and stole all your cookie customers?
TINA: Yeah, that's Troop 257.
They got banned from
the jamboree, but I guess
they're allowed to
come to the boat race.
Just don't make eye contact.
We can hear you.
(chuckles): Oh, hey, Patty, Rena,
all of Troop 257. So great to see
By the way, we don't do
bad stuff anymore.
- Yeah. We're good now.
- Total angels.
Whoa.
Yeah. Angels usually
give the middle finger.
Thanks for that, Rena.
Hey, wait. Where are your dads?
- Over there in the back.
- Hi, Patty-cakes!
- Don't call me that, Dad!
- Sorry!
I'm just glad they let me
sit near them. (chuckles)
- Uh, yeah, for now, Bethany.
- More like Breath-any.
(laughter)
(laughs) Oh. Oh, you girls.
(exhales sharply) Ooh... oh. Oh, boy.
Wow. They're, um, really scary, huh?
Yeah. They're terrifying.
Does that one have a tear drop tattoo?
TINA: Yeah. She draws it on meetings.
At least, I think she draws it on.
(door bells jingle)
- Hi, Mike.
- Here's your mail, Linda.
Anything for me? I'm
expecting a postcard from Ken.
He went fjord-hiking in Norway
and I'm fjurious at
him for not inviting me.
- No, sorry kid.
- Mike, do you want a coffee?
- Yes, please.
- (gasps) Ooh!
The fire station open
house is this Saturday.
- Ooh, no thanks.
- (moans)
You kids love going to the
fire station open house.
We did love going, when we were little
and we enjoyed bright, loud things.
But we have you, and you're plenty.
You guys used to love coming to
the post office open house, too.
Oh wait, you never came to
the post office open house.
Oh, I didn't know the post
office has an open house.
- Don't pretend you're interested.
- No, I'm interested.
- (sighs)
- I'm interested!
- Can I just get my coffee?
- Coming right up.
- Oh, we're out of coffee.
- You like us.
Who's ready to make a boat?
Oh, hey. There he is. (chuckles)
Oh. Did you already cut
up all the cardboard?
Yeah, it was no big deal, just something
I did in the middle of the night.
Okay. So, I guess we can just
start taping the sides together.
You know what? Uh, maybe
I should do the taping.
Tina, it'll be fine. I'll
tape it really straight.
Oh, totally, totally.
But maybe I should tape, and
you should do something else.
Want to write the name of the
boat on one of the side pieces?
Okay. We're going with Tad, right?
Yep. But don't write it messy.
And use bubble letters.
And maybe a little bigger.
(sighs) Do you want
to write it yourself?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
- Tina, you took the marker.
- Uh-huh.
- You're now... yeah, yeah...
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- And now you're writing.
- No, no, you write it.
- Y-You just wrote it, so we're done.
- Yep.
- Great.
- Good job, Dad.
- Hey, Lin. I can take over if you want
- Bob, what are you doing up here?
Yeah, aren't you and Tina
building your dumpster boat?
Tina seems to have
everything under control.
I don't really think
she really needs my help.
But I thought it was a
father-daughter boat race.
Not a daughter-
mopey-dad-upstairs race.
Shoot.
Bob, get your Papa Bear
butt back down there.
No, I-I don't want to get in Tina's way.
I mean, she is getting older.
Maybe she doesn't need my
help as much as she used to.
It's okay. My kids
don't need me anymore.
- It's fine.
- Aww, Bobby.
Tina still needs you.
We all do. Right, kids?
- Who, this guy?
- TINA: Hey, Dad?
Tina?
- Everything okay?
- I don't know what happened.
Uh, I was taping cardboard,
and the next thing I knew,
tape was all over the place.
- Can you help me, Dad?
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- (groans): Uh...
- What?
Uh, nothing. Thumbs-up.
(groans): Uh...
Wow, we used a lot of
tape on our boat, huh?
I guess I was a little
worried about doing a bad job.
It's great. Lots of tape is great.
So what if it still isn't
quite stuck together?
- Who cares, right?
- KAREN: This is how you sound firm, Karen.
(deep voice): No, wait,
this is how you sound firm.
- Uh, are-are you talking to us?
- (regular voice): Uh... oh. No.
Sorry. I was just carrying
paddles and talking to myself.
- Oh, okay.
- Julianne from Thundergirls National
will be here today, and
she's in charge of hiring
the new regional leader,
which will be me, I hope.
But Julianne told me I
had to work on my firmness.
First, I thought she
was talking about my abs.
And I was like, "Rude."
But it-it was just
about my personality.
Huh. So much to take in.
I know, I know, I
know. There I go again.
Less gabbing, more firmness, Karen.
Oh, that sounded firm.
Nice boat. Did you want some
cardboard with that tape?
- (laughter)
- Good one, Patty.
(chuckles): Okay, girls. Let's be nice.
- This is us being nice!
- Okay, okay.
Wow, they're intense, huh?
No, I think you did a
great job taping the boat.
- What?
- What? Nothing.
Let's keep walking. Here we go.
You know what's weird
about the farmers market,
I've never seen them
sell even one farmer.
Why are we going to
the farmers market, again?
I told you. Because we need more food.
You know, for cooking. Oh. Oh, look.
It's the fire station, and
they're having their open house.
You're a liar! You're not taking
us to the farmers market at all.
- Okay. Okay...
- You're teaching us to lie!
All along I was like,
"You were born bad,"
but it's not, it's the nurturing!
Stop with the dramatics.
Mom, we don't want to go to
the fire station open house.
It's not for us, it's for little kids.
Oh, the firefighter wants us to go in.
- Come on. Let's go in.
- (both) Nooooo!
Great, here we go.
KAREN: This is impressive craftsmanship,
- Patty.
- No crap, Sherlock.
All right, Troop 257, you
guys all pass inspection.
You and your dads can take
your boats to the starting line.
Wait. Where are your dads?
Picnic table. They like it there.
Oh, my God, they're looking at us. Hi!
(groans)
Time for your boat inspection.
Then it's time for me to have a snack.
Glad I brought whatever these are.
I'll call them raisins.
- Nope, they're not raisins.
- Okay.
Hmm. A lot of tape.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, this looks legit to me.
You can move it to the starting line.
All right. Team Tad passing inspection.
Yeah. Phew. Ready, Dad?
- Oh, no! Oh, my God.
- Oh. Uh, uh-oh.
- (hyperventilating)
- Don't-don't worry.
Tina, we can fix this.
- I-I think.
- RENA: Help!
- What was that?
- RENA: I need everyone's help right now!
Oh, no. That's Rena's voice.
A squirrel stole my sash
with all my ***
RENA: and it ran up this tree so
I went after it but now I'm stuck.
(panting): Rena, I'm gonna
get you down from there.
How did a squirrel take
her sash? I-I don't get it.
- Yeah, Dad, you don't get it!
- Wait.
Do you think I'm siding with
the squirrel? 'Cause I'm not.
I mean, I'd like to hear
its side of the story...
Our boat is a piece of poop!
- Tina.
- I shouldn't have let you help!
I should've just done it all myself!
You ruined the boat!
And now Team Tad is Team Bad.
- Whoa.
- Ooh. - Yikes.
Maybe you should sit
with the other dads.
With those sad dads at the picnic table?
Maybe it's for the best.
I'm gonna go cool off.
Hey, you've got other kids, right?
BOB: Thanks, Harley. Appreciated.
Isn't this fun? Look at the big trucks!
Yep. That's the fire house for you.
How about a helmet and a sticker
for our junior firefighters?
Ooh, helmets and stickers.
-(groans)
-Let me get a picture of you guys.
Smile and say "Backdraft!"
Actually, miss, back drafts are a
very serious threat to firefighters.
They're nothing to smile about.
Oh. Billy Bummer over here.
Mom, maybe we should call it.
There's not much for us to do here.
Unless we could play with the hoses?
Sorry, I can't let you
play with the hoses.
Is there a calendar I can pose for?
Actually, we shot the
calendar last week. I'm April.
I'm gonna call you April Showers.
I-I don't love "ril Showers."
- You will.
- Well, that's that.
- Gene, shall we?
- No, we're not leaving.
Gene's got to put on a
coat that's too big for him.
- It'll be adorable.
- (chuckles): That is always cute.
(Gene moans)
(muttering): Stupid tape, can't tape...
What the...
You can't even tell which boat is which.
- Except that one has a motor.
- (laughter)
- (gasps) Oh, my god!
- Huh?
Hi, guys.
Just checking if this leaf is poisonous.
Nope. Safe to eat.
- Tina, are you spying on us?
- No! Sorry.
I was just walking along, um,
and I didn't mean to see
you switching your boat
for one that looks exactly like
it but has a motor on it and...
Wait a minute, you're cheating.
Why am I apologizing to you?
Patty, what do we do?
Should we kill her?
- What? No!
- No. Listen, guys, Tina caught us.
Guess you're gonna
have to go tell Karen.
Yeah, I am.
- You are.
- And don't try to stop
Oh, we won't.
Okay. This isn't going how I expected.
Should we exchange phone
numbers or hug it out or... ?
- No. Yuck.
- Right, right, right.
(panting) Whoo.
Okay, everyone, let's
head back to the lake.
Karen! I have to tell you something.
Was my underwear showing when
I was climbing down the tree?
I wore my Thursdays 'cause my Saturdays
had a case of the Mondays, if
you know what I mean. (chuckles)
No, I-I don't know what you mean,
but, listen, Patty has two boats.
One is the boat you inspected
and the other boat
looks exactly the same,
but has a motor attached,
and she's gonna race with the motorboat.
Oh, my God,
that is terrible.
- I know, right?
- Oh, they are big trouble.
But let's wait until after
the race to punish them.
Yeah. Wait, what?
Yeah. Uh, Julianne isn't here yet.
She's running late, and Julianne
would love to see them punished,
so, uh... (chuckles) let's wait, okay?
- Um...
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
I scraped both my nipples
on the way down the tree
and I'm gonna go put some
lip balm on them in my car.
Okay, be careful.
That stuff's addictive.
Look who's getting a little tour
of all the rooms in the
firehouse. Pretty neat, huh?
Mother, please, we really should leave.
I mean, we're old enough
to be these kids' parents.
This is the kitchen. Joey's making ribs.
Interested. Keep talking.
And over here is our screening room.
(gasps) Are they watching
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
while they wait for
ribs? Is this heaven?
- Oh, hey, Captain.
- Ooh, look kids,
it's the captain of the
fire station. He's in charge.
- Yes, hi. Captain Davis.
- Sir, yes, sir!
I'm not that kind of captain.
(sighs) So sorry about her.
And you're paddling and
you're paddling and you're...
Guys, I have to tell you something.
Oh, hey, Tina. Sorry
your boat fell apart.
Troop 257 has another boat
that looks exactly like Patty's
and has a motor and Karen
doesn't seem to care and...
- you're not listening.
- What?
Sorry, Tina. (grunting)
I'm practicing my paddling.
You got this, Harley.
But 257 is gonna cheat.
Are you sure, Tina? Seems like
they're better now. (grunting)
Uh-oh! There's a duck who wants a ride.
-What're you gonna do?
-Uh, uh, I get him on real quick,
- but I don't break my stride.
- That's my girl.
Tina, are you maybe a little jealous
because your boat fell apart?
What? No! You guys...
We saw the way you yelled
at your dad about your boat.
That was rough.
- Yeah.
- (sighs) Forget it.
Harley, there's a goose. He
hates ducks. What do you do?
Go for the neck!
(grunting) Keep my stride!
So you don't think
these socks are too high?
No, I-I think they're great.
Uh, Dad? Uh, can I talk
to you for a second?
Sure. Uh, are you, are
you gonna yell at me again?
No, I, no, I just need to talk to you
about something that's important.
Your daughter wants to
talk to you? Way to go, man.
And Karen doesn't seem to care,
and I tried to tell my troop
and they thought I was being jealous.
Huh. What you're saying
kind of makes sense.
- It does?
- Yeah. I mean, didn't Karen say
that she was trying to prove
she was firm or something?
Yeah. I mean, she says
a lot a lot of things.
Like, so many things.
Well, what if Karen didn't
want to punish Troop 257
until Julianne got here
hat Karen could look firm
in front of Julianne
to get that promotion?
And what if she didn't
care about the cheating
because she knew it was
gonna happen the whole time
because she's working with Troop 257.
Oh, my God! You think?
(sighs) I mean, it sounds crazy.
Troop 257 is crazy. That's their thing.
- So what do we do?
- Hm... I-I don't know.
Um, somehow magically
switch the boats back
without getting caught
and ruin their plan?
- Yes!
- Oh.
I mean, I don't know
how we'd even do that.
It seems really hard.
Dad, Karen is working with Troop 257
and no one is stopping them.
Switching their boats back
is our only hope. Please?
Okay, let's do it.
- Dad?
- Yeah?
I'm really sorry I yelled at you
and called you crappy tape hands.
It's all right, Tina. When did
you call me crappy tape hands?
In my head I did,
and I said you probably
failed out of tape school.
- Oh, that's harsh.
- I know.
Okay, now let's do one with
your hands over your ears
- like the siren's too loud.
- KIDS: No.
Come on, you guys used to love
sitting in the truck. Remember?
Ma'am, maybe it's time
to give someone else
a turn in the truck. I mean,
you've been here for a while.
All right.
Maybe we can go upstairs and
help the fellas serve the ribs?
Eh, the guys don't
want you back upstairs
till they're done with Mrs. Maisel.
You kind of spoiled some of it for them.
No, no, I-I was just saying I
thought that thing at the end
- was gonna be...
- Uh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
D-Don't say anything.
I haven't seen it yet.
Aw, look at that big happy smile.
Maybe I can photo-paste
it onto Louise and Gene.
- Here, look at me, look at me.
- (phone camera clicks)
Ugh. Is mom wishing we were
little kids again or something?
Oh, yeah. I've seen
this a lot with parents
Classic case of wanting
to turn back time.
Ah. So what do we do?
The longer she stays,
the worse she'll get.
- You-you got to take her home.
- We've tried.
Can we, like, call in a fire or something?
Then she'd have to leave.
No, we can't fake an emergency.
- Damn it.
- (groans)
But we could turn on the lights
and pull out of the driveway
and do a loop or two, and if
you happen to tell your mom
that we had an emergency
call, that's your business.
- Genius.
- We are on it, Chief.
- I'm a captain, not a chief.
- Don't sell yourself short.
You think our plan is going to work?
Maybe. I mean, honestly,
I'd be surprised.
But let's just hope for the best.
- DADS: Hey!
- Hm?
PATTY'S DAD: Everyone come see us!
- Who's that?
- That sounds like my dad.
Mine, too.
- Ready?
- Ready. (panting)
I can't believe you convinced
all those dads to climb the tree
to get their daughters' attention.
Yeah. I mean, I-I kind of
just copied Rena's plan.
Plus, they are pretty desperate.
PATTY'S DAD: Hi, honey!
Isn't this cool?
What are you guys doing up there?
Check this out. Oh, God.
Look, there's Patty's not-motor boat.
Um, what's going on?
-Bethany? What are you doing here?
-Oh, boy.
Peeing in the woods, or on the woods,
depending on how you look at it.
What are you two doing
with Patty's boat?
BOTH: Uh...
We were just checking to see
if this boat was poisonous.
Nope. (chuckles)
Wait, hold on. You're switching
back Patty's cheater boat
that has a motor on
it for her legal boat
that's hidden in the woods?
Sort of. I mean, yeah. That's
exactly what we're doing.
'Cause you think Karen is
in on their plan to cheat
so that she can look tough busting 257
- in front of Julianne and get promoted?
- Yes.
- I'm gonna help you.
- What? - Huh?
Listen, if the girls and Karen
are in cahoots, that's not good
If Karen gets the regional leader job,
she can decide which troops
get which cookie routes.
She'll give 257 all the best routes.
But wouldn't you like that?
I mean, you're their troop leader.
I am, but it's always about
cookies with those girls.
What about songs? What
about basket weaving?
What about tie-dye? Ugh!
There's so much more to life.
What I don't get is why Karen
is okay with them cheating.
I mean, I know she really
wants to be regional leader,
but that's so wrong.
(gasps) Because they
have something on her.
I overheard some of the
girls say that, last year,
at the cookie pickup,
they got Karen talking
and she told them she kept a lost pug
instead of returning it to its owner.
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
She even cut off its
collar and dyed him blond.
That sounds cute, but messed up.
The race is starting soon.
We got to move if we're gonna stop 'em.
Let's boat block those B's.
Okay, kids, I'm gonna pretend I'm a fire
and you put me out, okay?
- (babbling)
- (bell ringing)
DISPATCH (over P.A.): Flames
reported on the corner of Elm Lane.
Calling all vehicles in the area.
Wow. I had my doubts this would work,
but you guys are really selling it.
This is an actual emergency.
You need to leave immediately.
It's us. You don't
have to pretend with us.
I'm not pretending.
(laughs) Oh, my God,
you're an incredible actor.
You should get an agent
and an entertainment lawyer.
This isn't an act!
(sirens wailing)
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Should we wait till they come back?
KIDS: No!
Tina, how's Tad feeling?
I think it's actually gonna
hold. Thanks, by the way.
Of course.
Okay, girls.
Julianne, do you want to do the honors?
Sorry it smells like onions.
I had an everything
bagel and a whole onion.
(sniffs) Oh, it does. Ready,
- set, go!
- (girls grunting)
- What's happening?
- The motor's not working.
Just paddle and-and get to the end.
You can still get in
trouble for having a motor
even if you didn't use
it. Just try to win.
How's it going, Patty. Boat troubles?
Oh, beat it, Thunder-dork.
BOB: Oh, my God, they're
neck and neck. Go, Tina!
- I came in second!
- You came in second!
What the... ?
- Congratulations, young lady.
- A-ha!
Caught red-handed.
Motors are not allowed...
Wait, what? It, uh... It's here.
It, uh... (chuckles) It must be.
Well, it's not, Karen.
Let's just assume there's a motor
somewhere here on this boat,
and, uh, Patty, you're
busted. I'm firm. The end.
Um, Karen, what are you talking about?
Someone's getting a promotion.
That's what I'm talking about.
Right? (chuckles)
Whatever is happening right
now is kind of making me
- strongly consider other candidates.
- That makes sense.
And you should know you have
two greasy spots on your uniform.
It's lip balm.
Patty, congratulations for winning
and not cheating.
You switched my boat back, didn't you?
Yeah, I did. We did.
Checkmate, Patty-cake.
- Hm, good one.
- Thanks, Dad.
Did you win a trophy, honey?
- Yeah, you want it?
- You want me to have it?
Yeah, sure, whatever.
Let's get out of here.
- Can I give you a hug?
- No!
- I got to hug someone.
- Oh. Um, okay.
- I'm so proud of you, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry I dragged you to
the fire station open house.
It wasn't all bad. I liked
when they kicked us out.
I guess I was just missing the old days,
but you're right, you outgrew it.
Aw! You guys are holding my hands.
- Oh. Whoops, sorry.
- No, no, I like it! I like it!
Ow! Mom, you're hurting me.
Oh, it feels so good to squeeze you!
- BOB: Hey, guys.
- You're back. How was it?
(singsongy): Guess who won second place?
It was me and Dad.
Wow! Go Team Tad! All right!
Why are you guys wearing fire hats?
We went to the fire
station open house. Jealous?
- Have you been gone all morning?
- Yeah.
So, no one's been
working at the restaurant.
- Nope.
- Great.
I guess we don't need money today.
Hey, you want to get in on
this? Tina, take Louise's hand.
- Bob, you grab Gene's.
- One of them had a booger on it,
the other did not. Just kidding!
They both had boogers on them.
- Ugh, Gene.
- Yay! Family hand-holding!
Yessa!
("Hot Hot Hot" by Buster
Poindexter playing)
LINDA: ♪ And a-rum bum bum ♪
♪ And a-bum bum bum ♪
♪ Yes, girls ♪
♪ Me mind on fire, me soul on fire ♪
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪
♪ Who's hot? ♪
♪ Party people all around me ♪
♪ Feeling hot, hot, hot ♪
♪ What to do. ♪
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.