Bob & Rose (2001–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript

Just smile. Most men
don't smile. Smiling's good.

But don't smile too much,
cos that's creepy.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Let's get it over with.

This is he, this is him,
this is Bob.

- Bob, this is an evil den of bitches.
- Hello.

Hi. Anita.
That's Sue, that's Marina.

Mine's a Southern Comfort. Vodka tonic,
bottle of Stella. Thank you, Bob.

- Nice to meet you...
Right. Back in a minute.

- I'll give you a hand.
- You, sit.

He can manage.
Off you go, Bob. Take your time.



He's nice.

He's very nice. Nice hair. You
could do things with that hair.

- What sort of teacher?
- English.

- That comprehensive on Bishop Street.
- Nice.

What's that? £18,000 a year? 20?

- 23.
- Nice.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

And a gin and tonic... No, um...
a pint... of... Boddies.

Two pints, two pints.
Two pints, mate.

She's mucky.
Wet towels on the floor.

- She leaves them on the bed.
- You slut.

- You dirty mare.
- Bob, she wants sorting.

- I've tried.
- Shut up.

- I've told you.
- Just cos you're neat and tidy.



Well, not that neat and tidy. As
neat and tidy as a man ever gets.

A manly sort of tidy.

I've got damp down my side wall.

- If I leave a towel wet, it takes root.
- Here we are.

Everyone, this is Mike...
out of his disguise.

Mike, everyone. You must be Bob.

This is Janet from the office.
I told you.

Last time we saw Mike,
he was dressed as a "wabbit".

Like you do. As it's introduction
time, I'll give you a hand.

Look at them. We're surrounded!

- Yeah.
- This one said let's do it tomorrow.

I was, like, Wednesday night?

- Are you kidding? What planet are you on?
- I didn't know.

Should be a good match.

- Got a ticket?
- I'll watch at home.

- Who's playing?
- Newcastle.

- Who's going to win?
- Us. Piece of piss.

- No chance.
- Well, you live and learn.

- Don't you just?
- I'll get 'em in. What you having?

And he's a gentleman.
Vodka tonic.

This is Rose. She's my boss, so
behave around her. That's Anita.

THE Anita. She'll have a Stella.

That's Marina,
from Kendals Personnel.

Sue, is that a vodka?

SUE". Large one. Thank you.

Bob, what are you having?
What do you fancy?

- Boddies.
- Right, I'll be back in a tick.

Well, that won't last.

Why does she deserve that?

- He's out of her league.
- What does he see in her?

She'll soon be crying at her desk
and I'll be doing all her bloody work.

- He looked like nothing as a rabbit.
- Bastard. That's cheating.

There you go-I don't like him,
I don't like her. Sorted.

- You looked.
- I was only looking.

- I was only looking.
- Well, then.

That's the way it is.
I'll always look at men.

I only look at one woman,
and that's you.

- Aw!
- Shut up.

Say it again.

- I only look at you.
- Aww.

Awwww. Awwww.

You love him to bits, don't you?

I don't know.

- Yeah, I suppose.
- It's fantastic.

- Have you said anything?
- Tell him.

Janet,
don't be as stupid as you look.

Don't say it first. Unless you want
him to break the sound barrier.

He's not like that. He is a bit,
sort of... different.

He's like every
man on this planet.

Has he ever lived with a girl?

- No.
- Been engaged?

- No.
- Any long-term relationships?

Not exactly.

Right, well, take my advice
and times it by twelve. Button it.

Ta-da! Moral support. Bad penny!

I'm not in the way? I'll go.

- Don't mind me. I won't say a word. Nervous?
- No.

- Are you nervous?
- Not really.

I would be, meeting
his little crowd. Bloody hell.

Still, don't listen to me.
Isn't it warm?

- Do you want a hand?
- Erm... that's you and Gino.

- It must be a bit odd for you.
- It's fine. Why? Is it odd for you?

No. Well, I've never had to meet
the boyfriend's ex-boyfriend before.

Yeah. I can't help wondering
what he's said about me.

Nice stuff, like he was in
love with you and all that.

Too right. He said it ALL
the time. Couldn't shut him up.

Bit of a romantic on the sly,
old Bob.

- Has he done that with you?
- Early days. We've just got started.

- He said it to me two weeks in.
- And what did you say to him?

It's off the Oldham Road. I work in the
office, well, I run it. There's three of us.

- But that's, like, secretarial.
- Yeah.

- I wish I could type.
- You can type.

- Yeah.
- Bob says you're a graphic designer.

Yeah. I'm at Granada,
getting into the animation side.

- What, kids' stuff?
- No.

I like cartoons.

How did it go, then,
meeting the girlfriends?

- Great.
- He went down a storm.

- Did you say you're gay?
- Not yet.

Why not?

They want to meet ME.
We'll do labels later.

- Where did you go?
- A pub on Deansgate.

Weren't you scared? Gay man
on Deansgate? It scares me.

- I'd like to see you scared.
- You scare me.

Yeah, well, that's cos...

It's not that bad. It's not like
you'll get punched in the face.

- You'd go there on your own?
- If I was meeting someone.

- And if you weren't?
- No, but that's not scared. It's more complicated.

Course it's more complicated. Now I
wouldn't give a toss, but when you're 16

and you're gay, those pubs
are terrifying. It never goes.

- You still remember being scared, right?
- I suppose, a bit.

Is that what it was
like the other night?

Mind you, I've copped off on Deansgate
before. Lots of straight boys are up for it.

I slept with this old
bloke cos he was... there.

A proper clone,
great big moustache.

A clone is like Village People.
A lumberjack shin.

I know what a clone is.

His moustache was so thick
I could taste his breakfast.

You don't see clones any more.
They must have died out.

They did, yes.

Did anyone see that programme on Egypt
last night? It was good. I taped it.

Three parts, apparently.

It was good.

Carl's just a twat.
Don't listen to him.

- Do you like her?
- Yeah.

- What?
- You are so mad.

I like her, though. It's real.

If you're having a midlife crisis,
go find some 17-year-old boy.

That's girlie enough.

I'm not just having a laugh.

What?
So you really love her, then?

Don't be daft.

You're so mad.

We could always move away.

Bath's nice.

Or the south coast.

Nice little village somewhere, miles
away from any of those bastards.

We could run a local
shop for local people.

Is that from something?

I've so got to finish with you.

You're always doing that.

Quoting things.

I love it when you do that.

Set the alarm for half six.

I've got to get up and do
those assessments.

- I'm off.
- That's him!

Hold on, what can I say?
What can I...?

I know.

God, I knew it. Drive off.

I can't do that.

Pen. Have you got a pen?
I can't find a pen anywhere.

I don't know where they get to.

- There's one by the phone.
- No, it's gone.

Hello.

Hi.

- You must be Bob.
- That's me. Carol?

Hello.

- Hi.
- There you go.

Don't ever lend me a pen,
I'll only lose it.

I'll remember that.
I suppose that's Trevor.

Yeah, that's him. My fiancé.

His son goes to your school.
Dean. Dean Gadds.

Rose said you were a teacher.

Dean's from the first marriage.

Disaster. Very odd woman.

- We try not to talk about it.
- And here you are talking about it.

Bye.

Don't let me keep you.
We'll have to do dinner.

Bye.

- He doesn't look like a porn baron.
- That's exactly what one looks like.

Dean said Trevor got into trouble
for printing stuff off the Internet.

He was fined or something.

What does the Internet mean?
Porn, that's what.

- Fined how much?
- Well, that's the question.

I've taken loads of boyfriends
home, no problem,

but I've never
taken a girlfriend.

- Can't believe I'm doing this.
- Look, go on your own.

Drop me off. I don't mind.

It's not just meeting
your parents, is it?

It's coming out to them...
in reverse.

Bollocks.

Parents' Group.
It's the rally on Sunday.

Bollocks!

- You said you weren't busy.
- If I said I was, you wouldn't have come.

Plenty to do.

- Monica, who's the chief steward?
- Mr Rodriguez.

Claire, it's dyke with a Y.
Make that rainbow bigger.

- Helen, stand down. Go and check the fax.
- Right.

Now, you can get on with these. You've
got to clip the badges onto the pins.

- Mum...
- It nuns the fingers. You might need hand lotion.

- Vaseline, more like.
- Thank you, Sandra.

Mum, this is Rose...
a friend of mine.

Monica, Rose.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too. Lesbian?

- Erm... no.
- Not yet.

You can still subscribe. We
need all the money we can get.

It's PAH - Parents
Against Homophobia.

Has he explained?

- Erm... not really, no.
- It's a deliberate acronym.

Pah, to all the idiots and all
the fools. That's what we say.

If you wouldn't mind lending a
hand, we could do with tea for 19.

Unless you consider that sexist.

No. I'll do it. Glad to help.

Excellent.

June, you'll find that much easier
with double-sided Sellotape.

I'm just brewing up.
Do you want one?

I was looking for this.

- You must be Bob's dad.
- For my sins.

I'm Rose. Rose Cooper.
I'm a friend of his.

We met. We're sort of good mates.

Roped you in, did he?

You must be very proud of him.

There's lots of fathers
proud of their sons.

Doesn't mean they
have to march about it.

Are Gary and Phil coming?

They're like you. Not bothered.

I'm busy. You should see
the paperwork these days.

Everyone.

We'll practise the arrowhead formation
out back. Down tools, quick as you can.

- Jawohl.
- Hey.

- You elected her.
- Railroaded, more like.

- She tries, though.
- She's doing the speech on Sunday... again.

She does is talk.

Dinner with the council, with MPs.
Since when did dinner do anything?

Be fair. What else can you do?

I'd put a bomb
under their arses,

but I don't get the chance.
She gets to be Queen of Sheba.

She keeps on talking
and nothing happens.

I won't ask again.

Arrowhead formation,
back garden.

The police gave us
very strict guidelines.

Christine, Beth. Everyone.

- Guess who's tip of the arrowhead.
- The sugar's on the side.

- Tea's in the pot if you like it black.
- Monica's kept the china locked up.

- We're not good enough.
- She'll charge us next.

It's like feeding
the five thousand.

Ladies, I've marked out the arrow
with tent pegs. Can you see?

Mind the flowerbeds.
Thank you, Claire.

Facing me. Eyes front.

Chins up.

Feel that arrow.

I can't do it.

- Too many people.
- No, I can't do it anyway.

I sat here when I told them.

I was 21.

We were having tea and we
were talking about cars.

I took this sentence and I just kept
it going, like a roller coaster.

I turned it from cars,
to all sorts of cars,

to all sorts of people,
to all sorts of men.

Nice men and tall men, and straight men
and gay men, cos that's me. I'm gay.

What did they say?

She cried... a bit, not much.

It was grandchildren.
It's always grandchildren.

He didn't say anything
for about... two years.

He was fine in the end, though.

Now I've got to
take it all back.

Let's just go.

Yeah.

Hello. Um...

I was just passing and um...
You gave me your card.

And I thought,
"That's Holly's place."

I meant phone.

Come on up.

I wasn't just passing. You're
his oldest friend. You know him best.

And I just wanted to...
Have you been drinking?

Conditioning.

- Beer. It doesn't really work.
- What do you use?

- Anything off the shelf.
- Bold.

So, just a coffee or...?

- My kettle's broken.
- Well...

I didn't really come for coffee.

It's a bit untidy...

Like I care.

I've been... that busy.

I haven't had a spare moment.
A little tidy up.

It's half term, you know. I always let
things go. You must think I'm awful.

No, mine's like this.

Right. Well, sit down. Coffee?

Kettle might be working now.

Just make yourself at home.

Anyway...

Milk or sugar?

Um... just milk.

It's um... moss.

Yeah, it is. Milk.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I just fell over.

So, how are the lovebirds?

- Fine.
- Don't you miss cock?

I've still got mine.

Do you think I'm mad?

No.

Really, though. Do you?

All right. I think you're mad. I think
you're stupid. I think you're sort of... lost.

But I'm getting better.

Thanks.

Who gives a toss?
It's your decision.

It's not really like that.

It keeps... shifting.

It's...

Like the other night, she went to bed
first and I had to do some marking.

But I just sat downstairs,
scared.

Like, I can't have sex,
it won't happen.

And then I go upstairs,
get into bed,

and we get chatting,
and it happens.

- Every “me.
- Then what's the problem?

I'm just worried about her.

Yeah. She's
your favourite person, yeah.

I was having a laugh.
She's all right.

But think about where
you're taking her.

Women, they've got a plan.
It's genetic. It's wired in.

Home, husband, kids.
Do you want kids?

I don't...
I never thought about it.

- She has.
- I get enough of that at school. Bloody hell.

That's where you're heading for,
if you love her. Do you?

Don't know.

That's not like you.
You loved me.

I think about her ALL the time.

But I end up thinking about
all the wrong stuff, you know?

Like... me and her and IT.

I really don't know.

You be careful,
cos if you lead her on,

she's going to go for
it - the whole package.

- She's not booking the church.
- Are you sure?

Cos even if they don't say it,
up here it all starts happening.

You know it,
or you wouldn't be worried.

I'd keep it zipped for now,
for her sake.

Ifs just my advice.

It's gay this and gay that.
That's what pisses me off.

He has all the problems,
I just have to be there.

He's always been selfish.

Do you think? I don't
really think he's selfish.

No, no. Neither do I.

It's just that world. It's...
God. I'm sitting on something.

- I like Frisbees.
- Do you play?

No.

It's just that...

I mean, anything I say...

Cos you're lovely, Rose.
You're so lovely.

You're like a... real friend.

But if it doesn't last - which I
hope it does - but say if it doesn't,

and I've been
his friend for years,

and I want to stay his friend.

Um... and...

But, you know, if he finishes
with you - but he won't - but...

I just don't want anything
I say getting back to him.

Course not. Girl-talk.

Cos, I mean, you know, if I
was you, with him, if it was me,

I mean, I'm just sort of...

When it comes to...
sex, you think about disease.

He's always been tested.

You're so marvellous.

I just...

didn't think it
would go this far.

I just...

never expected to fall in love.

Really?

Yeah. Like...

Completely, like... an idiot.

Really? God.

That's so...

Pardon me.
Gosh, that's a better.

An ordinary day has just
turned into something lovely.

Don't you go telling him,
though.

You haven't said anything?

Well,
what do you think he'd say?

I don't think I'd say a word.

Yeah.
Well, he seems happy with that.

No.

God, you've got to tell him.

If you love him,
you should tell him.

Do you think?

Absolutely. 12 years I've known
him. 12 years of driving me mad.

This is so... him.
It's just so him.

Yep. Honestly, Rose.
Honest to God. Yeah.

Do it. Trust me.

She'll be out for hours and Trevor's working
late, so he'll meet us at the restaurant.

So here we are - Chez Cooper.

Um... living room through there.

Kitchen and... bedrooms.

- It's all right.
- It's a kids' room.

Moved out in 1989,
thought that was that.

Then she went mad with the credit
cards, and here I am again. Trapped.

I can't wait to move out.

Er... Mum and Trevor's room.

Trevor's taken over everything.
We're even using his cutlery.

Sports channel on night and day.

Turn on the Street and he says, "Not
that rubbish." And Mum turns it off.

She's watched Coronation Street all
her life and she doesn't even complain.

And he turns the
volume down on adverts.

I like adverts.

And... do you always do this?

I'm looking for porn.

I could talk dirty, if you like.

Printing it, Dean said. You know,
selling it, like it's a business.

If I can get my mum to find it,
she'll boot him out, with any luck.

Blimey.
He doesn't stand a chance

up against you.

You can't stop me once I
get my teeth into something.

Well, anyway...

Try over there. That's Trevor's
stuff. I'll have a look in this lot.

- We might find something disgusting.
- Please, God.

He's even got this joint
account now, with Mum.

He can bleed her dry.

I thought she was penniless.

She's got MY pennies.

Clothes. God.
If I find his underpants...

This is just papers and stuff.

Yeah, well,
look for a bank statement.

Holly's place is
a bit of a mess.

Yeah,
she always comes round to mine.

- Go on, then. What did she say about me?
- Never you mind.

But, it's REALLY a mess. She could do
with a bit of looking after, that girl.

She keeps herself to herself.

This is just divorce stuff.

You should go
and give her a hand.

I mean, she's your friend,
isn't she'?

She's your best friend.
She loves you.

I mean...
you love her, don't you?

Maybe you should tell her.
Some people need telling.

It won't kill you to say it...
for once, will it?

What is it?

It's awful. It's just... awful.

Don't. Don't, don't look. Don't.

Is it children?

It's worse.

Dogs?

Worse.

Children with dogs?

It's James Bond.

He has sex with James Bond?

Worse.

He is James Bond.

This is the best thing I
have seen in my life, ever.

- What a knob.
- He's M.

He's actually M.

He's M

of the Manchester sector.

Does he look a twat or what?

There's a centrefold
of Judi Dench.

This invoice says that
the print-run cost 600 quid,

but Trevor's mate made it sound like a
fortune, so it's half the story, this.

There's a website.
I'm looking it up at home.

If I can just... get HIM.

There's got to be more to it.

Good work, Agent Scully.

I know who that is.

It doesn't feel like such a
kids' bedroom with you in it.

Or...

maybe it's just Pierce
Brosnan turning me on.

- Me, too.
- All right. That's killed it. That's killed it.

We've booked the registry
office for a week on Saturday.

You'll have to come, Bob.

Love to. Thanks.

It's register, not registry.

Same difference.
You still end up married.

TREVOR. It'll be five months
to the day since we met.

And how many
men'd remember that?

Jill said, "Bit of a rush.
You might as well be pregnant."

Mum says it's a rush an' all.

Well, just you tell her...

Never mind about her.

If she saw fit to let your father
go, then all the better for me.

- She's happy. She said good luck.
- I think she said, "Good luck to 'em."

You tell her from me, Dean,
I know what I'm doing.

I knew the moment I saw him.

I said, "I'm having him,"
didn't I?

- Reeled me in.
- Cos sometimes you just know.

You can't hang about. Can't
let the good ones slip away.

I'm always telling Rose that.

Never thought she'd
find one so soon.

It's only a small do.
No need to go mad.

Just family and friends
of mine from the squash club.

- You a sporting man, Bob?
- I go to the football now and then.

City man?

No. No. To be honest,
I prefer the cinema.

Action films, things like that.

Arnold Schwarzenegger...

- James Bond films, you know.
- Really?

- I'm a bit of a fan myself.
- Are you?

Don't start him.

Who's your favourite Bond?
Who's the man?

Roger Moore.

- Roger Moore?
- Love him.

Good Lord.

Well, I mean... each to his own-

Excellent man - Roger. But nobody's
favourite, I'd have thought.

- He is mine.
- I like Roger Moore.

Funny old world.

I'm a... Connery man, myself.

Do you know, I can see that.

I've always thought
James Bond's a bit gay.

How on earth do you arrive at that?

Well dressed, cocktails,
way too many women.

I think he's running
from something.

- I really don't think so.
- He's a man's man.

Or a ladies' man.
Are they the same thing?

Well, he's definitely a man.

And he's certainly not bent.
What do you think, Dean?

- No way.
- The government would have something to say

about a homosexual
operating as a spy.

Why?

Well, I mean,
look at the evidence.

Burgess and Maclean,
spies and traitors.

I think that says something
about moral turpitude.

And as far as Mr Bond's
concerned, this country is safe

in the hands of a
red-blooded male. Thank God.

I started that. Sorry.

- It's all right.
- Let's get over there and tell him.

I'm so straight.

Going out with you,
I'm becoming so straight.

And I'm not. I'm SO gay.

- I'd better go.
- Look, you can tell him.

Tell everybody.
Shout it from the rooftops.

I don't care, because...

I love you.

And... that's that.

OK.

- It's only me.
- Robert?

Sorry.

Is something wrong?

Not really. Is Dad awake?

- I don't know.
- Well, do us a favour and bring him down.

And, no, I'm not ill.
It's not that.

It's no big deal.

It might be funny, I don't know.

But... that girl you met...

Rose...

she's really sort of nice,
and I'm sort of going out with...

Well, I am going out with her.

Er... sex and everything.

Like a girlfriend.
I've got a girlfriend.

And... it's not like...

I mean, there are still men.

I only fancy men.
I fancy men... and her.

Except there aren't any men,
cos I'm trying to be faithful.

Not cos I want to change,
I just want to be faithful.

I'm not...

There you go.

- That's Rose from the other day?
- Yeah.

Lovely girl.

Don't be so glad.

- But you like her, don't you?
- Yes.

- Then I'm glad for you.
- But not that sort of glad.

I haven't "grown up".
I'm not "better".

I didn't say you were...
I'm not.

I'm still the same.

Sorry.

Nothing to be sorry for.

I know. I'm not sorry. I'm...

And do you love this Rose?

I'm just going out with her,
all right?

It's lovely, Robert.
It's lovely.

Thank you for telling us.

- And it's in the group charter.
- Gay, lesbian and bisexual.

- It's not in the charter. I'm not bisexual.
- Technically, I think...

If it's a good thing,
there's no sign of it.

Don't snap at your mother.

Yeah, sorry.

Are you in separate bedrooms?

It's just, I said, "Is he
awake?" and you didn't know.

It's convenience.

Your mother likes
to read at night.

Sorry. Anyway, whatever.

Have to get to know her.
Come round for dinner.

- Let's just see how it goes.
- Are you with her or not?

Yes, for now.

Tomorrow, it could be anything.
It might not last.

Do you want it to last?

I don't know if it's worth it.

Here I come.

It's the girlfriend.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Are we on again or off? I'm losing track.
- We're all right.

What are you up to?

It's Sunday.
We've got the rally.

Right, cos I didn't think you were
going. I'll come. I don't mind.

No, it's...

There'll be 2,000 people there.

It'll be heaving.
It doesn't really matter.

OK.

I don't want to be all right.

Um... what I said last night,
you know,

I really did mean it, Bob.

I do love you,
and that's that, really.

All the hassle we get, and all the
bollocks, I don't love you because of that.

It's just you. If you were just
sitting in a chair, I'd still love you.

Anyway, I don't care if
you didn't want to hear that,

because tough, you just have.
So...

Have a nice time.

Yeah.

See you.

Serious. She wants to get heavy.

Yeah? She was like that with me.

What did she say?

Don't go putting
me in the middle, no.

It was just the way she
was talking, you know.

All sort of planning ahead. You
know, holidays and mortgages.

- Children.
- Is that what she said?

No. That's not fair.

She didn't exactly say that,
but...

it was just sort of there.

There's not many people.
Are we early?

- We're late.
- Maybe they've gone home.

Nope, this is it.

Hello, Vicar.

How's it going?

The arrowhead was more of a parabolic
arc, but I think it came across.

It's not a bad
turnout for a Sunday.

- It's pathetic.
- I'm going to hand out these flags.

First time you've turned up.

- Good cause.
- Is it?

- Course it is.
- Waste of time. No-one's listening.

It's still a good cause.

They laugh at me, Robert.

If you'd come home years ago with
Rose or some girl, I wouldn't be...

I'm glad you've done it, though.

Now you tell me.

Mrs Gossage. Mrs
Gossage to the stage, please.

- Makes a change, seeing you.
- Hi.

Now, then. Hello.

- Is that working?
- Get the sleeping bags.

So...

here we are again.

Thank you for coming,
all of you.

We were hoping for 2,000.

I was hoping for double that,
actually,

but if it reaches just
one person, as they say...

et cetera...

Before I go down the agenda...

...we've had letters of support
pinned to the notice board there.

Graham Norton...

Dermot O'Leary...

The cast of Brookside.

Whoo!

They've made the effort.

- Nothing from the government.
- Yeah, right.

And one matter of protocol.

This is the last time I
shall make a speech.

I'm standing down as president.
Time for new blood.

At last.

Very good news, I'm sure.

Rejoice.

It's been a good eight years,

hasn't it?

I wonder.

If my son... had a wife
and family, I'd drive past you lot.

Might even laugh.

And that would be wrong.

Because it's a good fight.

It's for anyone.

It's for everyone.

But why the hell do we do it?
Because even if we fight...

...what do we achieve?

Sweet FA, that's what.

- She skip the medication, Bob?
- Shut up.

This tinpot organisation...

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're not good enough!

Print a few leaflets,
wave a few flags,

and the world just
carries on all around us.

See there.

The TBC bus company,

owned by a man who gives £1 million
to support homophobic legislation.

He's running HIS buses through
OUR city, and we let him!

How many of us

have been on his buses?

If I was the sort of person
to take public transport,

would I make a point
of missing that bus

and getting the next one?

No! Because if it's raining
and I'm tired, I get on.

I hand over my money.

Cos none of us can be bothered
all the time. None of us!

Here he comes again!

Bus...

after bus-.. After bus!

And what do we do?

I'll tell you what
we 're going to do.

I'll tell you what we're
going to do right now!

We... are going to stop...
that... bus!

Don't just clap.

What's the use of that?

You there, gorgeous creature.

Stop... that... bus!

Stop!

You shall not pass!

She's gone mad.

Fantastic. Come on, Mum!

Everyone!

All of you!

Now is the time
for all good men,

and women, and transgendered!

- Are you coming, Vicar?
- No, I really don't...

Then go to hell.

England... Harry...

and St George!

Come on. Let's do it.

Come on. Shall we do it?

Out of the way. Out of the way!

Let me through.

- Stop this bus. This is a peaceful...
- Monica, have these.

Morituri te salutant!

I'll use my scarf.

Don't you dare try and move me.
Pah! Pah! Pah!

Hi.

I love you, too.

- Really?
- Completely.

You're not saying it
just cos I said it first?

Shut up and listen, all right?

Cos I don't want this.
I don't want to change.

But I'm not changing,
I'm just adding a bit on top.

And that's you, Rose Cooper,
because I love you.

I've got to go. It's my bus.

Bye.

Right.

Keep up the good wo...
Keep up the good work!

- Room for one more?
- Yes.

- Keep it up!
- Come on, now.

Take your hands off him.
Take your hands off my son.

Did you decide on a
colour for the lounge?

Yes, I thought a delicate blue.

Down with Section 28.

PAH! PAH! PAH!

- Members of the PAH...
- You stay there, Mum. I'll get tea.

I could cook or I could go out.
What do you fancy?

There's that lamb
in the freezer or...

- I could go to Harry Ramsden's.
- Fish and chips. My treat.

Or we could have a Kentucky
or a curry. What do you fancy?

That's sir.

And I'm proud of it!

I'm breaching it on behalf of every
gay man and woman out there.

And... and...
and on behalf of my gay son.

He's a gay man with
a straight girlfriend.

And that's equality!

Or chinese, we can have chinese.