Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 10 - An Afro and a Peugeot - full transcript

I know I was afraid of matcha,
but it's delicious.

When I first met you,

all you drank
was coffee with five sugars.

That's what ruined my heart
and led me to you.

Every day I thank God
for your clogged arteries.

Zip me up.

It looks nice,
Mummy.

You want to get out of there
any time soon,

you better sell it
a little more.

It is very
flattering.

I think I liked
the green one better.



The green one
was three stores ago.

I will change and
you will drive me back there.

Wow, I thought my day sucked.

Come on, we're having fun.

You're right.

Yay.
After this,

I got a hair appointment,
and then

you're gonna take me to
a steak dinner to show me off.

Maybe we could join you
at the steakhouse.

I want Chinese food.

Mom, how about
Chinese food?

Look at these nails.
You expect me

to dip them in duck sauce?

We'll see you at home.



I miss you.

I miss you, too.

Abishola, my brassiere

is stuck in the zipper.

I have to go.

I need two hands for this.

I've been waiting
for this all day.

Mmm. Me, too.

You know, there might be a way
we don't have to spend

quite as much of our free time
with our moms

because, even though
we love them

and we are honored to...

Just tell me
your plan.

Dele's turning 16 soon.

I think it's about time he gets
his granny chauffeur license.

Oh, I see.

No.

He can run errands for us.

We could send him
to the post office,

to the grocery store...

You want to risk my son's life

so you do not have
to go to Costco?

Look, cars are safer
than ever now.

The other day,
I was reading a text,

car stopped itself
before I clipped a dog walker.

You were texting while driving?

Good thing Dele's not me.

You raised a kid
who follows the rules.

I have no doubt
he would be a safe driver.

There you go.

I'm gonna make him a "first time
behind the wheel" playlist.

Do you know if Dele
likes Roy Orbison?

He's not ready to drive yet.

Okay,

imagine we're both at work,

Mom cuts her hand
in the kitchen.

Which mom?
I'm not picky.

There's blood
everywhere.

Okay, they called 911.

The ambulance is taking too
long. Who's gonna save them?

I've trained Dele to handle
most medical emergencies.

Of course.

Working through
lunch, huh?

Yeah.

I remember that.

Now, I spend my whole break
trying to scrub

the garbage juice
off my hands.

Goodwin's gonna kill me.
Why?

I just found out that
a vendor's been underpaying us

for five years.

Look, they're locked in
our system at an old rate.

Yeah, well,
that's not your fault.

You think he's gonna
see it that way?

Oh, uh, hey, Goodwin, FYI,

we've been bleeding money
for half a decade.

Oh, thank
you, Douglas. I love bad news.

How about when he
doesn't laugh at your jokes,

and then he says:

That was
amusing. Now, get back to work.

There's no pleasing
the guy.

Work is not for pleasure.

Keep your smiles
at home.

Okay, stop.
I-I don't know what to do.

Well, when I was in management
and I had to deliver bad news,

I found it was
best received

if I coupled it
with a solution.

That's smart.

So, if you were
in my position,

what would
your solution be?

Well, uh, I would get the vendor
on the phone...
Okay.

...and incentivize
a re-initiation.

What?
Okay,

you know when your
cable company calls

and they offer you
extra channels,

and you're like,
"Heck yeah, I'll watch

some French game shows."

But then you
don't realize

they roped you
into a new contract.

That's great, so we just
screw them over.

Mm-mm-mm.
Incentivize re-initiation.

Thank you. Goodwin's
gonna love this.

Well done, Douglas.

No, no, it's
Douglas.
No, it's... Douglas.

Douglas. Douglas.
Douglas. Douglas.

Douglas.

I cannot believe Dele's
old enough to drive.

Because he is not.

It seems like yesterday he was
calling me Auntie Kem-Kem.

Now, his voice
has got so deep,

when I call you at home
and he answers,

I think it is you.

Because of the deep,
masculine voice.

When my son was 15,
he opened the car door for me,

and that's when I knew
he had become a man.

My son was opening doors
as soon as he could walk.

Mine, too.

I'm sorry your son
was so disrespectful.

When I look at Dele,
I still see the ten-pound baby

that nearly ripped me in half.

I remember how upset I was
when Funmbi moved away.

Thank God I have other children.

I only have Dele.

And as I've told you before,
mistake.

Before you know it,
he'll be off

to college, starting his
career, getting married.

Stop listing things.

It's okay, Abishola. One day
he will give you grandchildren,

and you will have a whole new
generation to control.

- Thank you, Kemi.
- Mm-hmm.

MaxDot Manufacturing.
Bob Wheeler.

Hello, Bob.

The phones are officially
up and running.

Thank you.

You are welcome.

Okay, we can hang up now.

Okay.

Hey, what was your first car?

Powder blue
Peugeot 404.

What's a Peugeot?

It is a French car.
Any good?

It is a French car.

Mine was a maroon '67 Impala.

Automatic or stick?

What do you take me for? Stick.

Well, I never know with
you Americans. You act as if

you are afraid to drive
with two feet.

My dad taught me at a
cemetery. Nice paved road,

no cars,

and we got to say hi
to Pop-Pop.

My first time driving was...

1968.

Nigeria had once again failed

to qualify
for the African Cup.

And, naturally, my father
was blind drunk.

Naturally.

But someone had to get him
to church,

so he tossed the keys
to 12-year-old Babatunde,

and in that moment,

I became a man.

Abishola won't even let Dele
sit in the front seat.

Well, if you were
raising a child

in another part of the world,
on your own,

how would you behave?

But she's not
on her own anymore.

I know that,
you know that,

but most importantly,
she does not care what we know.

Dele needs to experience the
independence a car gives you.

The freedom of putting your foot
on the gas and just going.

Yes, there is nothing quite like

the wind blowing
through your afro.

An afro and a French car?
Man, you were living.

You have no idea.

And, unfortunately,
the holiday socks

did not sell as well as hoped.

Kofo, I told you socks

would not make
a good stocking stuffer.

And you are right
once again, sir.

Anything else?

Uh, I have something.

Turns out, one of our
bigger accounts

has been massively
underpaying us for a while.

What do you mean "a while"?

It really doesn't matter.
No length of time is acceptable,

be it a week or five years.

Five years?

My stocking stuffers

do not seem so bad now.

I have a solution.

We can make
the money back

by incentivizing

a re-initiation.

That is very smart.

It's the same thing
a cable company does.

I am familiar with the concept.

Okay, not everybody is.

Excellent work,
Douglas.

This is the type

of creative thinking
we need in this company.

Thank you.

You saved the day.

Thank you.

Yeah, way to go, Douglas.

Thank you.

Uh, Christina.
Yes?

Could you vacuum my car?

I made the mistake
of giving my son a croissant.

Was there chocolate?
Yes.

Good job, Christina.

So, how'd you do on that
algebra quiz today?

A-plus
and extra credit.

How about that cute girl
in your science class?

Did you say, "What's good"?

We just say
"hello" now.

Can't go wrong with a classic.

What are you doing?

I am gonna teach
you to drive.

No, thank you.

The first time's
always a little scary,

but you'll be fine.

Mom wouldn't
like this.

She's not here.
It's just you, me,

and a quarter-mile of open road
until the school zone.

Really, it's okay.

Humor me, will you?
This is a big stepdad moment.

I've never tried sushi.
We could do that.

Men don't bond over
raw fish, Dele.

Come on,
do it for me.

I'm not ready.

You're as ready as you'll
let yourself be.

I already know
how to drive.
What?

My dad taught me
when I was in Nigeria.

Oh. Okay.

Did you have fun?

It was awesome.

He took me to the same road
that he learned on.

That's nice.

I was nervous, but he talked me
through it, and it went great.

Good for him.

He even made me
a special playlist.

Oh, come on.

All right, stick to
the side streets.

I'm not afraid
of the highway.

No rush to get back
to your mom.

No one jogs
to the electric chair.

Ever heard of
a turn signal?

Wow, your dad even
taught you road rage.

I wanted to teach you that.

I was just doing
what he told me.

I get it.

You seem upset.

I wanted to be the one
to teach you

to drive behind your mom's back.

There are other things
you could teach me.

If you think I'm buying you
a beer, you're too young.

That's okay,
my dad already bought...

Oh, come on.

You got a problem.

Hey.

Hi, there.

Is that
my cheesecake?

Well, would you look at that.

I'm sorry, I got caught up
in the attaboy,

but if I'd said
it was you,

it would've been
an "atta-both of us,"

and that's
not as good.

What about personal integrity?

Ethics? Moral courage?
Oh, come on, Christina,

I don't have
any of that.

God, you suck.
You truly suck.

Goodwin said you did
a good job on his car.

I forgive you.

Hey, honey.
Kaale, Mom.

Uh-uh, you are home late.

Bob will tell you why.
I have homework.

Wow.

What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on.

That ex-husband of yours
is some piece of work.

What are you talking about?

Get this,
he went behind our backs

and taught Dele to drive.

How dare he undermine me
like that?

Right?

I think you should call him and
give him a piece of your mind.

Bob?

Yeah?

Why did he tell you?

Huh?

Why did Dele tell you
he knew how to drive?

It came up in conversation.

What conversation?

The conversation I had with him

when I offered
to teach him to drive.

I specifically told you
I did not want him driving.

I made a call. Look, I know
you're trying to protect Dele,

but he's growing up
whether you like it or not.

Well, thank you
for educating me about my son.

Aw, come on, don't...

Get.

Knock, knock.

Kaasan, Auntie.

Just coming to have lunch
with my blue-collar husband.

Uncle's sealing up some windows.

Walk till you hear the sounds
of Earth, Wind, and Tunde.

He's like a new man.

He has lost eight pounds
since he started helping you.

That's great. I don't know
what I'd do without him.

He comes home each day
with the appetite

of someone 20 years younger.

You're not talking
about food, are you?

No.

I got to take this.

Oh, of course.

Bob Wheeler.

Bob.
I'm sorry, who's this?

Tayo.

I just spoke to Abishola.

It seems we are
in the doghouse together.

Glad this is fun for you.

Ah, she's overreacting.

I taught Dele to drive the same
way my father taught me.

Oh, what kind of car
did you learn in?

A ruby red Nissan Terrano II.

Sounds cool.

It was not.

'67 Impala for me.

Ah, that was my dream car.

Ah, your dream car
got six gallons to the mile.

You mean miles to the gallon?

No, I said it right.

You should have seen Dele
on his first drive.

I said, "Only do

what makes you
feel comfortable,"

and, boom, he got right on
the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway.

The what?

It's the Route 66 of Nigeria.

Well, from now on,

I'll think of it as
the Lagos-Ibadan of America.

Ah... It's nice to know

that there's someone rational
in my son's life.

Hey, Abishola's raising
that kid on her own

in a country that brings danger
for him at every turn.

God bless her
for being overprotective.

I'm sorry,

did I call Bob or my ex-wife?

I'm hanging up.
Okay.

I was just saying
I'm happy there's

a like-minded parent
for Dele in America.

Oh, we're not like-minded.

We just agree
on this one thing.

Oh, so you don't think
it would be good

for Dele to get a summer job?

Okay, we agree about two things.

Ah. It will teach him
responsibility,

keep him out of trouble.

Put some money in his pocket.

Hmm. You know, Abishola thinks

he should focus on his studies,

but if both of us push for it...

I'm hanging up.

You wanted to see me?

Ah, yes. Please, have a seat.

At the end of every
successful week,

I like to treat myself

to a finger
of single malt scotch.

Sounds nice.
It is.

Guess who else
has earned a finger.

All right,
finger me, bro.

Cheers.
Cheers.

Hey, Goodwin, do you have a sec?

I do not.

I've noticed
that sales from our

men's line have dropped,
and I think

it might be a design issue.

Okay. Goodbye.

Well, when it comes to
therapeutic hosiery,

men prefer a more discreet look
over loud patterns.

Research shows that

they don't like
drawing attention

to their health needs.

Interesting.

I thought so.

Well done.

In the future,
if you have other ideas,

you may tell Douglas,
and he will pass them along.

Of course.

Hang on, Christina.

You should know,
if it wasn't for her,

I wouldn't have had

any idea what to do about
the whole messed-up order.

Is that so?

It is.

I would've genuinely been
lost without her.

Christina, sit down.

Join us for a finger.

I'm sorry?

It'll make sense
in a second.

Let's see,
how about fishing?

Anybody ever teach you
how to fish?

Uncle Tunde.

Hmm...

You ever
play poker?

Well, how do you think
I got these shoes?

Dele?
Yes, Mum?

Come with me.

Am I in trouble?

You will see.

Seems like yes.

Good luck, buddy.

Ta-da!

Are you serious?

You let Bob buy me a car?

I bought it.

It has the highest
possible safety ratings,

and because
it is yellow,

people will see you
and not crash into you.

It's definitely
yellow.

Thank you, Mum.
I love it.

I have conditions.

You will always have somebody
in the car with you.

Yes, Mum.
And you will

have to get 100% in all
of your classes first.

Yes, Mum.

And you will not even touch it
without a proper permit.

So... why do I
have it now?

Because if you must grow up,
you will do it my way.

Whose car is that?
Mine.

Somehow I ended up
with a car.

Can I sit in it?
Go ahead.

Keys?
Not a chance.

You continually
amaze me.

I amaze myself.

* No matter what anybody says,
I already know *

* It's gonna be all right *

* A sign is a route in the midst
of adversity... *

Ten and two, Dele.
Ten and two!

Of course,
Grandma Dottie. Sorry.

Watch the road, boy.
Are you trying to kill us?

No, Granny Ebun.

And turn down that music.

I can barely hear myself
shout at you.

Yes, Granny Ebun.

What should we do next?

I'd be happy
to take you two back home.

You want to hit up
a happy hour?

Dele can stay
in the car.

I did it all the
time with Bobby.

I suppose I could go
for a Mai Tai.

Attagirl! Dele, take us
to the Red Onion on 14th.

Step on it.

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