Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Episode #3.6 - full transcript
Previously, on
"Bob Hearts Abishola"...
KEMI:
So this is what we do:
Chukwuemeka and I get
back together,
and you have your happy son.
So happy.
Then, you and I will need
to see the women
to see who is fit
to bear your grandchildren.
- Wait, what?
- Shh.
Why would you get any say in
who this new woman should be?
The same reason you get a say.
I am his mother.
And I am his Kemi.
Do I get a say?
So, what do you think, Auntie?
I can find no fault
with this arrangement.
Oh, we have not met.
I am Chukwuemeka.
This is Morenike.
A cousin of Abishola staying
with her family.
It is wonderful to meet you.
You as well.
- Are you as student?
- Yes.
At Wayne State.
I went to Wayne State.
I'm studying to become
a pharmacist.
Uh-uh, you are kidding.
I am a pharmacist.
It must be fate that we met.
(chuckles):
Yes.
What are the odds you'd meet
another failed doctor?
My little Puff Puff,
I need your magic hands.
There's a knot in my neck.
I would worry more about
that hump on your back.
Oh. Hello, Auntie.
I thought I felt the temperature
drop a few degrees.
I tried to tell you
Mummy was here,
but you were singing Tina Turner
so loud.
Because that is the only way
to sing Tina Turner.
I thought you had Bible study.
What happened?
Did you finish the book?
Tonight I will be doing
God's work here.
Then I will let you two
and God get to it.
We have chosen
who will be
the mother of Chukwuemeka's
children.
I thought we decided
we'd make that choice together.
I thought that, too,
but you seem
to find a flaw
in everyone I suggest.
I did not realize you wanted
your son to settle
for someone less than perfect.
He already has.
Oh, it's not his fault, a boy
cannot choose his own mother.
(groans) Stop fighting.
Please sit.
Please sit.
Kemi, my love,
I know you want
what is best for me.
Mm-hmm.
So please do not be angry
straightaway.
At least give it
a chance.
This girl is from
a prestigious family.
She is studious,
devoutly religious.
And, most importantly, does not
have any sons
the same age as Chukwuemeka.
Funmbi is six months younger!
Kemi, we have chosen Morenike.
Abishola's cousin.
Oh. I see.
And have you spoken to her
about this?
Not yet, we were going to
bring it up in church.
Well, that's good.
I'm so happy she's going again.
She was angry with God
for such a long time.
What are you talking about?
Oh, she didn't tell you?
I shouldn't say anything.
Why was she angry with God?
Well, you didn't
hear this from me,
but... she has been married before.
To the Dark Prince.
The Fallen Angel.
Satan!
Nonsense.
May God strike me down
if I am lying.
There you go.
"Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing...
*BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA*
Season 03 Episode 06
Episode Title: "The Devil's Throuple"
Aired on: November 01, 2021.
Sync corrections by srjanapala
You're still here?
Everybody's gone for the day.
I hate bringing work
home with me.
I'll sleep a lot better
knowing this is done.
You know, when you got demoted
to the warehouse floor,
I didn't think
your ego could take it,
but I was wrong.
Sometimes people
surprise you, Bob.
Hmm.
Anyway, for my next company car,
should I
go Camaro SS
or stick with a Corvette?
This is what
you've been working on?
For two days.
I'm so stressed,
I almost called in sick.
Let me help you.
You're not getting
a new company car.
So we're extending the lease
- on the one I've got now?
- No.
- We're buying it out?
- No.
I don't see any other option.
You're not management anymore.
If I get you a company car,
I'm gonna have to get one
for everybody.
That's really generous of you.
It's not happening, bud.
Look, I get it.
As my boss, you can't be seen
giving me special treatment.
Exactly.
But as my big brother...
As your big brother,
no car, idiot.
You struck an employee!
I'm telling Mom!
Abishola.
What is the medical term
for webbed feet?
Syndactyly.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
I'm creating
a fake Wikipedia page
about Morenike's family.
They are a sickly bunch.
I am part of Morenike's family.
Oh, good.
I can put "gigantism" in there.
Why are you doing all this?
I have to convince Ogechi
that Chukwuemeka is marrying
a genetic dud.
I think that is a terrible idea.
What choice do I have?
I am fighting for
the love of my life.
By spreading lies
on the Internet?
What else is the Internet for?
Boy, the things that go on
under that wig.
I am sorry, Gloria,
but I am desperate.
And if either of you
cared about me at all,
you would give me the medical
term for overly large ears.
Macrotia.
Thank you.
(typing)
I will pair that
with "tiny head disease."
Microcephaly.
Stop helping her!
(typing)
Hold still.
It stings.
Do not be such a baby.
Last week, someone on the floor
lost a finger.
I did not hear about that.
And as long as I am safety
manager, no one ever will.
Just got my paycheck.
I don't know
how you guys do it.
Do what?
You know, live on,
you know, this.
You have to be frugal.
I don't know what that is.
It is very simple.
In life, there are things
that you need to survive,
and things that bring you joy.
Remove all joy.
Then what's the point of living?
I do not recommend asking
yourself that question.
You do not need to buy joy,
it is everywhere.
A quiet sunrise,
a warm summer breeze,
a discarded joke book
you find on the sidewalk.
You found that book
on the sidewalk?
I think it found me.
Look, it's easy
for you guys to say,
you were born into... frugacity?
Fru... frugaliciousness?
GOODWIN:
Frugality.
And I grew up with money.
My father was a judge.
Really?
What happened?
I decided to forgo
my father's wealth
and come to this country
to make my own way.
(sighs) Whoops.
I support my family,
I own my own home,
and I enjoy my work.
What else is there?
So much, you have no idea.
You made the same choice I did,
Douglas.
What do you mean?
You left your cushy office job,
to make an honest living
on the warehouse floor.
Well, my mom made me do it.
But you did it.
And now you have
the pride that comes
with making
an honest living.
Standing on your own two feet.
(chuckles):
Yeah. I guess I do.
Huh.
Thanks, guys.
(both chuckle)
That was nice, what you said.
It was nonsense.
More tea, Chukwuemeka?
Yes, please.
Such a lovely girl.
AUNTIE OLU:
Yes.
She also cooks, cleans
and has all of her
original teeth.
Just like her uncle.
I thought you had a bridge.
And you have seven fillings.
There, all our secrets are out.
Oh, e kaale, everyone.
(others respond)
E kaale, Abishola.
Your mail is
on the table there.
- Oh, thank you for keeping it.
- Mm-hmm.
And opening it.
Congratulations on
your new credit card limit.
Very exciting.
Morenike,
I insist that you come
to Nigeria with Chukwuemeka
and me next month.
But, Auntie, I have school.
You will do it online.
Mummy, please.
There is no need to rush this.
You're already behind on
giving me my grandchildren.
There will have to be
twins to catch up.
Those also run in our family.
- Who has a twin?
- My uncle.
He ate his twin in the womb.
Must you air
all our dirty laundry?
(chuckles)
Look at us.
Carpool buddies.
- (chuckles)
- Uh-huh.
So, how was your day?
- You were there.
- Well...
I was there,
but I wasn't there.
(chuckles)
(groans)
Come on, Mom.
You know, we can't squander
these precious minutes.
We don't know how many Tuesdays
with Dottie we have left.
I've got plenty
of Tuesdays left.
Sure.
(phone rings)
Oh. Hey, Douglas. What's up?
Where are you?
Driving Mom home.
You forget something?
I don't think so.
Me! I don't have a car!
Oh, shoot, that's right.
I'm sorry.
You gonna come back and get me?
Well... (sighs)
Can't you just take an Uber?
I don't make that kind of
money anymore!
I'm frugal!
You're a smart boy, Douglas.
Figure out a way to get home.
Hang on.
- Goodwin, is the forklift street-legal?
- GOODWIN: No.
DOUGLAS:
I'm out of ideas, Christina!
- Just hang up on him.
- Really?
You have my permission.
(chuckles)
Christina?
Good luck, Douglas!
(laughing)
Do you need help?
Oh. No, thank you, Auntie.
Ah. You know you do not
have to call me Auntie.
Ah. I must respect my elders,
or my mother will reach
across the ocean
and hit me with her shoe.
(chuckles)
Okay.
Well, as an elder,
may I give you some advice?
Of course.
You are a sweet girl.
You came here to study.
Do not jeopardize that.
What do you mean?
This whole Chukwuemeka situation
is a lot more complicated
than they are telling you.
There's another party involved.
You mean Kemi.
You know about her?
Of course.
And do not worry,
she will not be a problem.
(scoffs)
I don't think you understand.
Kemi is always a problem.
You do not want her as an enemy.
Perhaps she does not want me
as an enemy.
You?
Back home, whenever
a snake got in the house,
I was the one
to take care of it.
Others were too scared.
But I knew, all you have
to do is be patient, eh?
Let the snake
believe it is safe,
and then in one swift motion,
chop off its head.
(kettle whistling)
Would you like some more tea?
Auntie?
Oh, hello, Kemi.
Chukwuemeka.
I just came to pick up
a few things.
Two Clif Bars...
And strawberry-flavored
lubricant?
There was a sale on Clif Bars.
And the strawberry lubricant?
Oh. That is for my next lover.
Or lovers.
I like to keep my options open.
What is going on?
You are starting a new life,
and so am I.
Ooh. I have coupons.
Shouldn't we talk about this?
There's nothing to talk about.
Your mother has
made up her mind.
You will marry Morenike
and have dull children
with giant ears.
But I still want to be with you.
Well, you cannot have my cake
and eat it, too.
I'd like a bag, please.
- Paper or plastic?
- Plastic!
How about we honeymoon
in Greece?
Oh, I love a gyro.
So you are picking our honeymoon
based on a sandwich?
Not just the sandwich.
The history, the
architecture, the beaches.
I thought you hated beaches.
Well, I did about
50 pounds ago.
But now I want to
strut my stuff.
You know they have nude beaches.
Eating a gyro in
my birthday suit.
(phone chimes)
Now that's a honeymoon.
(groans)
Everything okay?
Kemi is upset.
And the sky is blue.
What'd she do this time?
This one is not entirely
her fault.
Wait, no, actually it is.
(chuckles)
(chimes)
Here's an idea,
maybe sit this one out.
Oh, what are you talking about?
I'm just saying Kemi's got
a lot of problems.
Catch her on the next one.
I can't. She is my friend.
I have to help her.
Do you?
You know, when I was a kid,
every year my friends would
drag me to this
haunted corn maze.
It was horrifying.
Hands coming
through the stalks,
clowns with chainsaws.
Were there real ghosts?
No.
So why were you scared?
I was ten, but that's
not the point.
(groans)
Ten is old enough to know.
Can I finish my
story, please?
Continue.
After a few years,
I realized I didn't have
to go through the maze.
I could just duck out,
grab a taffy apple,
and meet my buddies
by the exit.
So, Kemi's love life is
a haunted corn maze?
And she's the clown
with the chainsaw.
I am not a manipulative person,
but it's hard to do nothing
when you see people
making bad decisions
and ruining their lives.
Your Chewbacca dude doesn't know
what he's losing.
Chukwuemeka.
Yeah, I'm never gonna get that.
You know, I'm going through
something very similar
right now with my Corvette.
How is that similar?
I was forced to give up
something that I love.
It wasn't sexual
like your relationship,
but I did have sex in it.
Not easy.
It was very tight.
Even when you were alone.
I suppose Chukwuemeka is
a bit like a Corvette.
Sexy, powerful,
a fun ride.
But at the same time,
it's a gas guzzler.
Mm.
If Chukwuemeka eats
even a little cheese,
his body backfires
like an old tractor.
The Vette didn't even have
a rear camera.
Was constantly bumping into
trash cans and short people.
Hmm. And nobody would
call Chukwuemeka
the sharpest razor in
the CVS men's grooming aisle.
(chuckles)
There you go.
Chewbacca, Corvettes.
We're better off without 'em.
Maybe so. Hmm.
(rings)
(groans)
It's my stop.
Nice talking to you.
And you.
What is your stop?
I don't have one.
I gave the driver my address.
Okay.
I got to tell you,
I think I've become
a better Christian
since coming to this church.
That's wonderful.
Why do you think that is?
The singing? The praying?
Honestly,
I think it's the food.
I could get baptized
in that soup.
Hello, Bob.
Hello, Abishola.
- Hello, Auntie.
- Auntie.
Where is that old woman
that you fraternize with?
- Old woman?
- Easy. Easy.
I have not seen Kemi today.
And praise God for that.
Good morning, Auntie.
Morenike.
Have you killed any snakes
lately?
There was one,
but I scared it away.
There's snakes in this church?
Hello, everybody.
God is good. Hmm?
Hello, Kemi.
Who is your friend?
Sure, let's
call him my "friend."
This is Terrence.
We work together
at the hospital.
- Hello.
- How you doing?
I like your aftershave.
Smells like strawberries.
See?
Not so bad.
And nobody's stabbing anybody.
Okay. We didn't think that,
Douglas.
Well, I did. That's why...
I'm not carrying
any cash!
Really? So I got to
pay your fares?
How much is it, a dime?
(groans):
Oh, my God!
Sorry. It should work.
I put money on it yesterday.
Don't worry about it.
I have cash.
Relax. It's on me.
I saw you help out that rich
old lady and her daughter.
You do what you can.
You can always
tell the people
who've never
ridden a bus before.
They act like they're going
on a poor person safari. (scoffs)
Their entitlement's disgusting.
Olivia.
Douglas.
Actually, Doug.
Down-to-earth Doug.
That's what my buddies...
in the warehouse call me.
- (chuckles)
- Where I work.
You know, with my hands.
(whispers):
Everything is so sticky.
Do you have a wet wipe?
No, because
I don't have a purse!
(sighs)
- (sighs)
- Those weirdos aremaking me
uncomfortable.
You mind giving me your number
in case they try to follow me
when I get off the bus?
I'm not gonna do that.
(chuckles)
Was worth a try.
Guess you'll just have to
ride again tomorrow
so I know you're okay.
I guess I will.
'Cause I don't have a car.
And I take the bus.
To my job.
At a warehouse.
Bus driver seems cute.
Don't talk to me,
don't talk to me,
don't talk to me.
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
Sync corrections by srjanapala
"Bob Hearts Abishola"...
KEMI:
So this is what we do:
Chukwuemeka and I get
back together,
and you have your happy son.
So happy.
Then, you and I will need
to see the women
to see who is fit
to bear your grandchildren.
- Wait, what?
- Shh.
Why would you get any say in
who this new woman should be?
The same reason you get a say.
I am his mother.
And I am his Kemi.
Do I get a say?
So, what do you think, Auntie?
I can find no fault
with this arrangement.
Oh, we have not met.
I am Chukwuemeka.
This is Morenike.
A cousin of Abishola staying
with her family.
It is wonderful to meet you.
You as well.
- Are you as student?
- Yes.
At Wayne State.
I went to Wayne State.
I'm studying to become
a pharmacist.
Uh-uh, you are kidding.
I am a pharmacist.
It must be fate that we met.
(chuckles):
Yes.
What are the odds you'd meet
another failed doctor?
My little Puff Puff,
I need your magic hands.
There's a knot in my neck.
I would worry more about
that hump on your back.
Oh. Hello, Auntie.
I thought I felt the temperature
drop a few degrees.
I tried to tell you
Mummy was here,
but you were singing Tina Turner
so loud.
Because that is the only way
to sing Tina Turner.
I thought you had Bible study.
What happened?
Did you finish the book?
Tonight I will be doing
God's work here.
Then I will let you two
and God get to it.
We have chosen
who will be
the mother of Chukwuemeka's
children.
I thought we decided
we'd make that choice together.
I thought that, too,
but you seem
to find a flaw
in everyone I suggest.
I did not realize you wanted
your son to settle
for someone less than perfect.
He already has.
Oh, it's not his fault, a boy
cannot choose his own mother.
(groans) Stop fighting.
Please sit.
Please sit.
Kemi, my love,
I know you want
what is best for me.
Mm-hmm.
So please do not be angry
straightaway.
At least give it
a chance.
This girl is from
a prestigious family.
She is studious,
devoutly religious.
And, most importantly, does not
have any sons
the same age as Chukwuemeka.
Funmbi is six months younger!
Kemi, we have chosen Morenike.
Abishola's cousin.
Oh. I see.
And have you spoken to her
about this?
Not yet, we were going to
bring it up in church.
Well, that's good.
I'm so happy she's going again.
She was angry with God
for such a long time.
What are you talking about?
Oh, she didn't tell you?
I shouldn't say anything.
Why was she angry with God?
Well, you didn't
hear this from me,
but... she has been married before.
To the Dark Prince.
The Fallen Angel.
Satan!
Nonsense.
May God strike me down
if I am lying.
There you go.
"Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing...
*BOB HEARTS ABISHOLA*
Season 03 Episode 06
Episode Title: "The Devil's Throuple"
Aired on: November 01, 2021.
Sync corrections by srjanapala
You're still here?
Everybody's gone for the day.
I hate bringing work
home with me.
I'll sleep a lot better
knowing this is done.
You know, when you got demoted
to the warehouse floor,
I didn't think
your ego could take it,
but I was wrong.
Sometimes people
surprise you, Bob.
Hmm.
Anyway, for my next company car,
should I
go Camaro SS
or stick with a Corvette?
This is what
you've been working on?
For two days.
I'm so stressed,
I almost called in sick.
Let me help you.
You're not getting
a new company car.
So we're extending the lease
- on the one I've got now?
- No.
- We're buying it out?
- No.
I don't see any other option.
You're not management anymore.
If I get you a company car,
I'm gonna have to get one
for everybody.
That's really generous of you.
It's not happening, bud.
Look, I get it.
As my boss, you can't be seen
giving me special treatment.
Exactly.
But as my big brother...
As your big brother,
no car, idiot.
You struck an employee!
I'm telling Mom!
Abishola.
What is the medical term
for webbed feet?
Syndactyly.
Thank you.
What are you doing?
I'm creating
a fake Wikipedia page
about Morenike's family.
They are a sickly bunch.
I am part of Morenike's family.
Oh, good.
I can put "gigantism" in there.
Why are you doing all this?
I have to convince Ogechi
that Chukwuemeka is marrying
a genetic dud.
I think that is a terrible idea.
What choice do I have?
I am fighting for
the love of my life.
By spreading lies
on the Internet?
What else is the Internet for?
Boy, the things that go on
under that wig.
I am sorry, Gloria,
but I am desperate.
And if either of you
cared about me at all,
you would give me the medical
term for overly large ears.
Macrotia.
Thank you.
(typing)
I will pair that
with "tiny head disease."
Microcephaly.
Stop helping her!
(typing)
Hold still.
It stings.
Do not be such a baby.
Last week, someone on the floor
lost a finger.
I did not hear about that.
And as long as I am safety
manager, no one ever will.
Just got my paycheck.
I don't know
how you guys do it.
Do what?
You know, live on,
you know, this.
You have to be frugal.
I don't know what that is.
It is very simple.
In life, there are things
that you need to survive,
and things that bring you joy.
Remove all joy.
Then what's the point of living?
I do not recommend asking
yourself that question.
You do not need to buy joy,
it is everywhere.
A quiet sunrise,
a warm summer breeze,
a discarded joke book
you find on the sidewalk.
You found that book
on the sidewalk?
I think it found me.
Look, it's easy
for you guys to say,
you were born into... frugacity?
Fru... frugaliciousness?
GOODWIN:
Frugality.
And I grew up with money.
My father was a judge.
Really?
What happened?
I decided to forgo
my father's wealth
and come to this country
to make my own way.
(sighs) Whoops.
I support my family,
I own my own home,
and I enjoy my work.
What else is there?
So much, you have no idea.
You made the same choice I did,
Douglas.
What do you mean?
You left your cushy office job,
to make an honest living
on the warehouse floor.
Well, my mom made me do it.
But you did it.
And now you have
the pride that comes
with making
an honest living.
Standing on your own two feet.
(chuckles):
Yeah. I guess I do.
Huh.
Thanks, guys.
(both chuckle)
That was nice, what you said.
It was nonsense.
More tea, Chukwuemeka?
Yes, please.
Such a lovely girl.
AUNTIE OLU:
Yes.
She also cooks, cleans
and has all of her
original teeth.
Just like her uncle.
I thought you had a bridge.
And you have seven fillings.
There, all our secrets are out.
Oh, e kaale, everyone.
(others respond)
E kaale, Abishola.
Your mail is
on the table there.
- Oh, thank you for keeping it.
- Mm-hmm.
And opening it.
Congratulations on
your new credit card limit.
Very exciting.
Morenike,
I insist that you come
to Nigeria with Chukwuemeka
and me next month.
But, Auntie, I have school.
You will do it online.
Mummy, please.
There is no need to rush this.
You're already behind on
giving me my grandchildren.
There will have to be
twins to catch up.
Those also run in our family.
- Who has a twin?
- My uncle.
He ate his twin in the womb.
Must you air
all our dirty laundry?
(chuckles)
Look at us.
Carpool buddies.
- (chuckles)
- Uh-huh.
So, how was your day?
- You were there.
- Well...
I was there,
but I wasn't there.
(chuckles)
(groans)
Come on, Mom.
You know, we can't squander
these precious minutes.
We don't know how many Tuesdays
with Dottie we have left.
I've got plenty
of Tuesdays left.
Sure.
(phone rings)
Oh. Hey, Douglas. What's up?
Where are you?
Driving Mom home.
You forget something?
I don't think so.
Me! I don't have a car!
Oh, shoot, that's right.
I'm sorry.
You gonna come back and get me?
Well... (sighs)
Can't you just take an Uber?
I don't make that kind of
money anymore!
I'm frugal!
You're a smart boy, Douglas.
Figure out a way to get home.
Hang on.
- Goodwin, is the forklift street-legal?
- GOODWIN: No.
DOUGLAS:
I'm out of ideas, Christina!
- Just hang up on him.
- Really?
You have my permission.
(chuckles)
Christina?
Good luck, Douglas!
(laughing)
Do you need help?
Oh. No, thank you, Auntie.
Ah. You know you do not
have to call me Auntie.
Ah. I must respect my elders,
or my mother will reach
across the ocean
and hit me with her shoe.
(chuckles)
Okay.
Well, as an elder,
may I give you some advice?
Of course.
You are a sweet girl.
You came here to study.
Do not jeopardize that.
What do you mean?
This whole Chukwuemeka situation
is a lot more complicated
than they are telling you.
There's another party involved.
You mean Kemi.
You know about her?
Of course.
And do not worry,
she will not be a problem.
(scoffs)
I don't think you understand.
Kemi is always a problem.
You do not want her as an enemy.
Perhaps she does not want me
as an enemy.
You?
Back home, whenever
a snake got in the house,
I was the one
to take care of it.
Others were too scared.
But I knew, all you have
to do is be patient, eh?
Let the snake
believe it is safe,
and then in one swift motion,
chop off its head.
(kettle whistling)
Would you like some more tea?
Auntie?
Oh, hello, Kemi.
Chukwuemeka.
I just came to pick up
a few things.
Two Clif Bars...
And strawberry-flavored
lubricant?
There was a sale on Clif Bars.
And the strawberry lubricant?
Oh. That is for my next lover.
Or lovers.
I like to keep my options open.
What is going on?
You are starting a new life,
and so am I.
Ooh. I have coupons.
Shouldn't we talk about this?
There's nothing to talk about.
Your mother has
made up her mind.
You will marry Morenike
and have dull children
with giant ears.
But I still want to be with you.
Well, you cannot have my cake
and eat it, too.
I'd like a bag, please.
- Paper or plastic?
- Plastic!
How about we honeymoon
in Greece?
Oh, I love a gyro.
So you are picking our honeymoon
based on a sandwich?
Not just the sandwich.
The history, the
architecture, the beaches.
I thought you hated beaches.
Well, I did about
50 pounds ago.
But now I want to
strut my stuff.
You know they have nude beaches.
Eating a gyro in
my birthday suit.
(phone chimes)
Now that's a honeymoon.
(groans)
Everything okay?
Kemi is upset.
And the sky is blue.
What'd she do this time?
This one is not entirely
her fault.
Wait, no, actually it is.
(chuckles)
(chimes)
Here's an idea,
maybe sit this one out.
Oh, what are you talking about?
I'm just saying Kemi's got
a lot of problems.
Catch her on the next one.
I can't. She is my friend.
I have to help her.
Do you?
You know, when I was a kid,
every year my friends would
drag me to this
haunted corn maze.
It was horrifying.
Hands coming
through the stalks,
clowns with chainsaws.
Were there real ghosts?
No.
So why were you scared?
I was ten, but that's
not the point.
(groans)
Ten is old enough to know.
Can I finish my
story, please?
Continue.
After a few years,
I realized I didn't have
to go through the maze.
I could just duck out,
grab a taffy apple,
and meet my buddies
by the exit.
So, Kemi's love life is
a haunted corn maze?
And she's the clown
with the chainsaw.
I am not a manipulative person,
but it's hard to do nothing
when you see people
making bad decisions
and ruining their lives.
Your Chewbacca dude doesn't know
what he's losing.
Chukwuemeka.
Yeah, I'm never gonna get that.
You know, I'm going through
something very similar
right now with my Corvette.
How is that similar?
I was forced to give up
something that I love.
It wasn't sexual
like your relationship,
but I did have sex in it.
Not easy.
It was very tight.
Even when you were alone.
I suppose Chukwuemeka is
a bit like a Corvette.
Sexy, powerful,
a fun ride.
But at the same time,
it's a gas guzzler.
Mm.
If Chukwuemeka eats
even a little cheese,
his body backfires
like an old tractor.
The Vette didn't even have
a rear camera.
Was constantly bumping into
trash cans and short people.
Hmm. And nobody would
call Chukwuemeka
the sharpest razor in
the CVS men's grooming aisle.
(chuckles)
There you go.
Chewbacca, Corvettes.
We're better off without 'em.
Maybe so. Hmm.
(rings)
(groans)
It's my stop.
Nice talking to you.
And you.
What is your stop?
I don't have one.
I gave the driver my address.
Okay.
I got to tell you,
I think I've become
a better Christian
since coming to this church.
That's wonderful.
Why do you think that is?
The singing? The praying?
Honestly,
I think it's the food.
I could get baptized
in that soup.
Hello, Bob.
Hello, Abishola.
- Hello, Auntie.
- Auntie.
Where is that old woman
that you fraternize with?
- Old woman?
- Easy. Easy.
I have not seen Kemi today.
And praise God for that.
Good morning, Auntie.
Morenike.
Have you killed any snakes
lately?
There was one,
but I scared it away.
There's snakes in this church?
Hello, everybody.
God is good. Hmm?
Hello, Kemi.
Who is your friend?
Sure, let's
call him my "friend."
This is Terrence.
We work together
at the hospital.
- Hello.
- How you doing?
I like your aftershave.
Smells like strawberries.
See?
Not so bad.
And nobody's stabbing anybody.
Okay. We didn't think that,
Douglas.
Well, I did. That's why...
I'm not carrying
any cash!
Really? So I got to
pay your fares?
How much is it, a dime?
(groans):
Oh, my God!
Sorry. It should work.
I put money on it yesterday.
Don't worry about it.
I have cash.
Relax. It's on me.
I saw you help out that rich
old lady and her daughter.
You do what you can.
You can always
tell the people
who've never
ridden a bus before.
They act like they're going
on a poor person safari. (scoffs)
Their entitlement's disgusting.
Olivia.
Douglas.
Actually, Doug.
Down-to-earth Doug.
That's what my buddies...
in the warehouse call me.
- (chuckles)
- Where I work.
You know, with my hands.
(whispers):
Everything is so sticky.
Do you have a wet wipe?
No, because
I don't have a purse!
(sighs)
- (sighs)
- Those weirdos aremaking me
uncomfortable.
You mind giving me your number
in case they try to follow me
when I get off the bus?
I'm not gonna do that.
(chuckles)
Was worth a try.
Guess you'll just have to
ride again tomorrow
so I know you're okay.
I guess I will.
'Cause I don't have a car.
And I take the bus.
To my job.
At a warehouse.
Bus driver seems cute.
Don't talk to me,
don't talk to me,
don't talk to me.
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
Sync corrections by srjanapala