Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 17 - Inappropriate Nakedness - full transcript

Previously on
Bob Hearts Abishola...

- E kaale, Mummy.
- What are you doing?

- Studying.
- Where's dinner?

I've not started it.

- Bob will be home soon.
- He can wait.

Oh, no.

Another man is
going to divorce you.

Fine, I'll stop studying
and start dinner.

I did not say stop studying.

You can read and stir

- at the same time.
- What if I cannot?



Then you will kill your mother
with shame.

Ah-ah. Ebun.

Where have you been?

Uh, running errands.

I came to see you.

I have been waiting
nearly six hours.

Check your phone next time, dear.

For the love of God.

Bob?

Bob?

Tunde?

Where is your stepladder?

What?

I am here to paint
your mother-in-law's bedroom.



What?

I believe this means she is
staying through the summer.

What?!

Is this where
the party's at?

No. We're sleeping.

Then what's
everybody doing in here?

I was just telling Bob

I was looking
for his stepladder.

- Why?
- To paint Ebun's bedroom.

Oh, good! She decided to stay
through the summer.

I found the ladder.

- Ah. Wh-
- Where was it hiding?

Kitchen pantry.

Oh, uh, never mind, Bob.
We found the ladder.

It was in the kitchen pantry.

Get out.

He's not
a morning person.

Unbelievable.

Shh!

Oh, that's what woke you?

Why didn't you tell me about
your mom redecorating?

Because I did not know about it.

Well, don't you think she should
run that stuff by us?

I do, but she does not.

Has she said anything about
when she might be leaving?

- No.
- Well, could you ask her?

No.

That would be disrespectful,

and she would think
I want her to go.

But you do want her to go.

Oh, you can't even say it,
can you?

Well, maybe I'll talk to her.

Okay.

Why is that funny?

I'll just find the right time

and ask her
how long she's staying.

You are kicking me out
of your home?

Wow, you do that well.

Answer me.

Well, I'm just saying,
Mama Ebun,

it's been weeks.

I did not realize
you'd been marking the days

like a prisoner
with chalk on the wall.

Well, that's a little dramatic.

How dare you
call me dramatic.

I don't like this game anymore.

I don't like being kicked out
of your house

and onto the street like a dog.

Okay, I'm done.

You are done
when I say you are done!

You're freaking me out!

In our culture,
there's no respectful way

to ask an elder
to leave your house.

That's not just Nigerian.

Family freeloaders are
an international dilemma.

But your relatives overstay

a couple of weeks.

Ours stay for decades.

So, you can never
get rid of 'em?

Oh, there are ways.

Devilish ways.

Let me write this down.

Okay, so, you get
a blow-up mattress.

You stab it with a pin
in several spots.

Not too big,
not too small.

They cannot see it,
they cannot hear it.

Buy... air... mattress.

In the morning,

they wake up flat on the floor

in excruciating pain.

That is how you make sciatica.

- Make... sciatica.
- Mm-hmm.

You could also try

inappropriate nakedness.

Is that why you kept leaving
your bathrobe open

when I stayed with you
after my husband left?

Yes, you were crying constantly.

My naked breasts
helped you move on.

I'm not exposing myself
to my mother.

It doesn't have to be you.

Bob is not exposing himself
to my mother.

Then perhaps you can go
the dead ancestor route.

Anybody naked in that?

- Unfortunately, no.
- Hmm.

Abishola calls her mother,

pretending to be
a spirit from beyond.

Guiding her with advice
like, "Get out,

go home, get out."

So Abishola's mother thinks
a ghost can use a phone?

Why not?

With unlimited minutes,
anything is possible.

Your mother's mother
would be perfect.

I agree.

But I do not know what
my grandmother sounded like.

That's your problem
with this plan?

90% of a good paint job

is proper preparation.

Yes, Uncle.

Failing to prepare
is preparing to fail.

Yes, Uncle.

Sex appeal is 50% what you got

and 50% what they think you got.

Uncle?

Uh, once I turn
the wisdom spigot on,

it's hard to turn off.

Yes, Uncle.

I know this is the last thing
you wanted to do today.

It's not the last thing.

But, Dele, you are lucky.

You have successful,
loving parents,

all the comforts of the world,

and an uncle
who will not let you grow soft.

I appreciate it, Uncle.

Before the day is over,
that will not be a lie.

There are four basic skills

that every young man
should know.

How to paint a room,
tie a tie,

fix a flat, and give a toast.

What about cook a meal?

Unnecessary.
There are Wendy's everywhere.

- Are we ready?
- Yes.

Wrong.

The most important part

about doing anything right
is the music.

♪ I said a hip-hop, a hippie

♪ A hippie to the hip hip-hop,
and you don't stop ♪

♪ Rockin' to the bang-bang
boogie ♪

♪ Say up jump the boogie

♪ To the rhythm of the boogie,
the beat ♪

♪ Now, what you hear is not
a test... ♪Wow.

- What?
- You can rap?

Have you never heard me
in the shower, young man?

Who is this?

You do not know
The Sugarhill Gang?

No, Uncle.

What about Grandmaster Flash?

I'm sorry, no.

Eric B. and Rakim?

Mm-mm.

This painting can wait.

Your musical education is
far more important.

1979.

Big Bank Hank, Wonder Mike
and Master Gee formed

the group that was to bring
hip-hop to the world.

♪ The black, to the white,
the red and the brown ♪

♪ The purple and yellow,
but first ♪

♪ I gotta bang-bang
the boogie to the boogie ♪

♪ Say up jump the boogie
to the bang-bang boogie ♪

♪ Let's rock, you don't stop

♪ Rock the rhythm
that'll make your body rock ♪

♪ Well, so far
you've heard my voice... ♪

Hey, guys.

Do me a favor,

step inside this square.

Why?
Just do it.

Is it a magic square?

Stop making it weird
and get in the square.

You guys think you could live
in something this size?

If it's a room
to punish the workers,

I'd make it much smaller.

What? No.
I'm thinking about putting

one of those tiny homes
in my backyard

for my mother-in-law.

Good, you're coming to terms

that she will be
living with you forever.

No, I just want her
outside the house

for when she visits.

So you're building
her a home?

A tiny home.

That she will
live in forever.

Please stop saying "forever."

We just want you to be
realistic, Mr. Wheeler.

I live above Goodwin's garage,
and I am never leaving.

And I have accepted that.

The day he bought

- the Wi-
- Fi extender,

I knew we were in it
for the long haul.

I was gonna buy
- the Wi-
- Fi extender.

You see?

How are you so okay with this?

Simple. I am a Christian,
Mr. Wheeler.

My good deeds will be rewarded
in the afterlife.

We sometimes joke

that I will live in the room
above his cloud in heaven.

You make that joke,
I do not.

Screw it.

I-I can't build this.

She'll never leave.

I am telling you this
as a friend.

Build the tiny house.

Accept your fate.

And maybe
when she's not using it,

Kofo can stay there.

What a wonderful idea.

- Nope, nope, nope.
- Never.

Nope, nope.
Not gonna happen, guys.

Hello? Hello?

Ebunoluwa Adebisi Odegbami.

Ah-ah. Who is this?

Who is this?

Mummy?

You have hooked the fish,
now reel her in.

I am listening.

But I do not want to leave.

But I am not ready.

But I do not think I am.

Go home!

Mummy?

I just...

...do not want to go
back to that man.

No, he is just my husband.

The love left many years ago.

I try to be a good wife,
but how can I be?

All I do is cook and clean
for a man

who barely looks at me.

Let alone touches me.

It is like living
with a stranger.

Ask her if she's taken
any lovers.

She told me things a daughter
should never have to hear.

That is the power
of the ghost call.

But be careful, you should
only use this technique

every five to seven years.

Otherwise, people will think
you are a witch.

Where have you been?

Oh, just having a little
ghost mother-daughter time.

Oh, no, you didn't.

We did.
We did.

I don't even want to know.

But I want to know.

She opened up
like a fire hydrant,

and we danced in the mud puddle
of her secrets.

So many secrets.

How could I not have known
that my parents were so unhappy?

Well, I'm sure they were just
shielding you from it

so you didn't worry.

Exactly.

My husband and I
hated each other.

But we scheduled sex
every six months

just so our children
could overhear,

because that is
what good parents do.

Should I tell her I know?

Of course not.

You betrayed her trust
with your ghost trickery.

Okay, my ghost trickery.

I'm sorry, honey.

I don't want to talk about this anymore.

- Understood.
- Of course.

We will never speak of this again. No.

- Tell me everything.
- Wait, let me get my notes.

Unfortunately,
Kurtis Blow never had

another hit quite as big
as "The Breaks," but,

as he says,
"These are the breaks."

I really like that song.

Of course you do.
Everyone likes that song.

But let us step into 1983.

Here's one
from Miss Patti LaBelle.

It's nice.

Yes, it is.

I can tell you the exact moment
I first heard this song.

Really?

Olu and I had just moved
into our apartment.

She opened the window,

and this song was playing
from someone else's apartment.

We didn't have much furniture.

Uh, w-we did not have
much of anything,

but we had each other.

So we danced.

That's beautiful.

That is the wonderful thing
about music.

Songs can serve as
a time capsule

to the best moments
of your life.

♪ But when I get up
the nerve... ♪

Well, now,
when I hear this song,

I'll think of getting
to paint a room with my uncle.

No. This is mine and Olu's song.

You can have "The Breaks."

♪ If only you knew.

Hey, Mama Ebun.

Kaale, Bob.

I'm gonna get a drink.
You want something?

No. Come sit with me.

- Am I in trouble?
- Just come sit.

- Just let me get my drin-- Okay.
- Sit!

I see how you look
at my daughter.

Well, she's pretty,
I can't help it.

- You really love her.
- I do.

Promise me you will always
look at her that way.

- Of course.
- Forever.

- Yeah.
- Until you are dead.

Okay.

And even after you are dead!

Are you all right?

It is time for me to go.

To bed?

To Nigeria.

Oh... no...

- I must.
- When?

Tonight.

It's time for me to go home
to my husband.

Great!

For him, not for me.

I'm devastated.

She's packing.

She's upstairs packing
right now.

- What are you talking about?
- Your mom.

She's gonna be catching
the 10:10 to Lagos.

- Tonight?
- Yeah,

and all I had to do was
promise to love you forever,

and I was gonna do that anyway.

What have I done?

Well, you married a sweetheart,
that's what you did.

I should never have involved
the ghost of her mother.

The ghost of her what now?

You will mail
the rest of my belongings

first thing in the morning.

Yes, Mummy.

Or maybe you could keep
some things here.

Why?

For when you come
back and visit.

Just send the things.

I am not looking forward
to this flight.

16 hours in a middle seat.

That's terrible.

I booked last minute,

so it is what it is.

You do not have to do this, Mummy.

What are you talking about?

Sometimes in life,
if you are unhappy with...

"the middle seat,"

it's okay to make a change.

It is not that easy.

I made a commitment.

To the seat.

But if you and the seat are
no longer right for each other.

One does not just change seats.

I did,

and now I'm happier
than I've ever been.

Maybe I am not as strong as you.

Who do you think I got
that strength from?

You do not need to rush home.

Take your time
and think about what you want.

♪ Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi... ♪

I hope you don't celebrate
like this when I leave.

Only one way to find out.

I'm not going out that door
without a toe tag.

Don't give me any ideas.

Ah, I wish I could have
gotten the chance

to say goodbye
to Granny Ebun.

We were just starting
to connect.

I know she is difficult,
but I will miss my sister.

You can have mine.

♪ Gitchie, gitchie
ya-ya here... ♪

Well, what is
the celebration?

Uh, I-I, uh, texted Bob
and told him you were staying,

and he threw you
this impromptu party.

Isn't that right, Bob?

Surprise.

♪ Voulez-vous coucher avec moi♪

Oh, no.

Is my room finished?

Uh, soon.

Very soon.

And turn off
that horrible music!

♪ Can I kick it? ♪ Yes, you can♪

♪ Can I kick it? ♪ Yes, you can

♪ Well, I'm gone

♪ Go on, then ♪ Can I kick it?

♪ To all the people who can
quest like A Tribe does ♪

♪ Before this, did you
really know what live was? ♪

♪ Comprehend to the track,
for its why 'cause ♪

♪ Getting measures
on the tip of the vibers ♪

♪ Rock and roll
to the beat of the ♪

♪ Funk fuzz

♪ Wipe your feet really good

♪ On the rhythm rug

♪ If you feel
the urge to freak ♪

♪ Do the jitterbug

♪ Come and spread your arms

♪ If you really need a hug
Go, Uncle.

Go, Uncle, go, Uncle.

♪ Fun♪ That's what I love

♪ A lower plateau
is what we're above. ♪

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