Bob Hearts Abishola (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - The Wrong Adebambo - full transcript

[indistinct chatter]

♪

Hello, Abishola.

Now, I don't want to alarm you,

but I have alarming news.

What is it?

My cousin Dipe called me

early this morning to tell
me that her friend Ngozi

was at Balogun Market
to buy a new DVD player

because her baby jammed
it with slices of toast.

She was furious
because she was on



on the second to last episode
of Narcos season two.

Anyway, the stall
is right next to

the man that sells
knockoff Samsonite cases.

Now, if you look closely,
they actually say "Samso-tite."

But when you go inside...

Kemi.

Can you please get to the point?

Will you not allow me
to build up the suspense?

No.

Fine. Your husband
is coming to America.

What? How you know that

from a clogged DVD player?

Well, if you had let me finish.

Dipe told me that her
friend Ngozi told her



that she saw Tayo...
Abishola's husband...

Buying a large suitcase,
with four wheels.

Oluwa mi o.

And he was seen buying
a coat with mittens.

Oluwa mi o.

He also bought
five pounds of dried fish

and made the man wrap it twice.

Oluwa mi o.

Why are you olo woo-ing that?

That is Uncle Tunde's favorite.

And it's an 18-hour flight.

Wrapping it twice
will keep the fish stench

off of Tayo's underpants.

Oh, come on, all these Nigerian
Murder, She Wrote clues

tell you Abishola's
husband's coming to Detroit?

Yes.Yes.

And on his last Facebook post
he wrote,

"I'm going to Detroit."

Oh.

Oluwa mi o.

["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing]

It's been eight years. why
is he coming to Detroit now?

It is a business trip.

Really? So the minute
we get engaged,

WellStar International
suddenly sends its VP

all the way to America?

How do you know where he works?

Are you crazy? I googled
the hell out of him.

There's also a Tayo Adebambo
who's a funk bass player.

Thank God you weren't
married to him,

I wouldn't have stood a chance.

He will probably
want to see Dele.

That makes sense.

Which means he will be
at the apartment

for several dinners.

[sighs] Can't you just
dangle Dele out the window

so he can look at him
from the street?

Bob.

I really don't want to see him.

Maybe this is for the best.

He comes over, sees his son,

you ask him for the divorce,

you bring me Olu's leftovers
the next day.

It's a win for everybody.

That's true.

Just remember one thing.

[funk bass playing]

Thank God

you married the wrong Adebambo.

[laughs]Funky, right?

Ugh.

Sushi. Boring.

What do you guys got?

Something African and spicy?

I have a ham sandwich.

I have a Lunchable.

Want to trade?

This is $30 worth of sushi.

Throw in the Capri Sun,
you got a deal.

Fellas.

Mr. Wheeler. Ah, Mr. Wheeler.

Hey, let me ask you a question:

how long does it usually take
to get a divorce in Nigeria?

Do you mean
how long does it take

for the paperwork to go through?

Yeah. I have no idea.

I have never met
a divorced Nigerian.

Me, neither. Really?

Divorce is very rare,
something like one percent.

Come on, that can't be right.Mmm.

Divorce and good sushi:

two things you can't find
in Nigeria.

Well, what about you?

You said your parents haven't
spoken since you were a child.

But they stayed married. Are they happy?

What does that have
to do with anything?

They just celebrated
their 50th anniversary.

Daddy in Hawaii,
and Mummy in Costa Rica.

Says here the Nigerian
divorce rate is 0.2%.

That's pretty close to zero.

I don't care
if it's one in a million.

Abishola's getting divorced.

Actually, she would be
the one in 4,120,000.

Did you do that math
in your head?

Yes. Yeah, next time, keep it there.

Ah. Here's something. What?

One in 500 people have either
11 fingers or 11 toes.

How does that help me?

It gives you perspective.

At least you're not
one of those weirdos.

Excuse me.

He has an extra nipple.

Please don't tell him
I told you.

That's a nice dress.

Tayo will like it.

It's not for him.

I just grabbed any old thing
from the closet.

Well, your old thing

has a tag from Nordstrom's.

I did not want him to come here.

Ah, ah. A father
must see his son.

Would you rather they eat
at the home of the Whopper?

I know my sister did
not raise you like this.

No, Auntie.

So stop talking nonsense

and prepare the pounded yam.

Ah. Tayo prefers rice to yam o.

Does he, now?

Dele. Yes, Mum?

Did you vacuum the front room?

Yes, Mum.

And display my
nursing certificates

and your mathematics trophy
where your father can see them?

Yes, Mum.Good.

He may have abandoned us,

but that does not mean
we're not thriving.

Do you want me
to say that to him?

Don't be ridiculous. That's what
the trophies are for.

You are a good son,

and your father will
be proud of you.

I am proud of you.

Thanks, Mom.

You look really nice.

I look the same as always.

Put your books away.

[knocking on door]

E kaale,Uncle Tunde.

Tayo.

I brought you something, Uncle.

Stockfish? I know how much you love it.

I wouldn't say "love."

[inhales sharply] Ah.

I suppose you can come in.

Ah, my son.

E kaabo,Dad.

Look at you. [chuckles]

You are a man now.

Abishola, you look beautiful.

This dress is old.
I look the same.

Kaabo,Tayo!

E kaale,Auntie.

Come, come. Dele, take his coat.

We are having
your favorite: jollof rice.

Abishola begged me to make it.

[music playing on TV]

This is nice, huh?

Just sitting around together,

watching TV as a family.

It is. It really is.

[microwave beeping]Oh. Popcorn's ready.

I'll go get us all bowls.

Great.

[whispers]: How long
do we have to sit here?

As long as Abishola's
on her date.

BOB: It's not a date.

Of course it isn't, honey.

Any dinner that lasts longer
than three hours is a date.

I've had shorter
one-night stands.

Come on, you guys.
This is tough for him.

Thank you, Christina.

You are welcome.
I understand your pain.

I've been the other woman.

What are you talking about?

They're at dinner
with their family,

you're waiting for them to text,

it takes everything
in your power

not to rush over there
and peer into their windows

and watch them unwrap
their Christmas presents.

Oh, God, why doesn't
that sound crazy to me?

Because we'd do
anything for love, Bob.

Anything.

It's not the same.

Abishola knows she's
in a relationship with Bob.

And I think it's cool.
You're her side piece.

Or a "goomah."

That's what the Italians
call it.

All right, this isn't working.
You guys can go.

Yeah, Mom, Douglas,
you are not helping.

They don't get us.

[laughing]

How is your sister Blessing?

Ah, still crazy.
She's vegan now.

Oh, no.

This madness
has reached Nigeria?

I will pray for her.

While you are there,

Pray for Dele.
He supports Arsenal.

They will just break your heart.

I must say, Auntie,

you're an even better cook
than Abishola's mother.

[laughs loudly]

When I tell her,
she will be furious.

So, you are in town
for business? Yes.

My company
has sent me to consult

with the Ambassador Bridge
Authority

for our new billion-dollar
mainland project.

Wow.

Yes, your father
is very successful in Nigeria.

Had he not given up, he would
have been successful here.

Well, perhaps you had more faith
in this country than I did.

Perhaps I had more faith in you.

Let me help you
clear the plates.Uh...

I've never seen you
set foot in the kitchen.

Well, I've changed a lot
over the last eight years.

This is like one
of your soap operas.

So, Auntie Olu still refuses
to buy a dishwasher.

She says what is the point when
we have a child in the house

with two hands?

[laughing]

You know what kind
of rental car they gave me?

What?

A Jeep.

Oh, no. [laughs]

That day in Mexico,
it was the most rain

I have ever seen in my life.

It would have been fine

if we had a car
with a roof on it.

Ah, and you persuaded me
to wear my white dress that day.

Even angry and covered in muck,

you were the most
beautiful woman in Acapulco.

Mm. So beautiful the hotel
doorman thought I was homeless.

[laughs]

Ah, it's good to see you,
Abishola. I've missed you.

A good way to keep
from missing someone

is to not abandon them
and take a second wife.

You have every reason
to be angry with me.

I know.

But I was unable to
give you and Dele

the lives that you deserved.

So you left us.

I am back now.

And I can provide for you both.

Tayo...

I know you missed me, too.

Don't do this.

I'm sorry.

I don't want to
make you uncomfortable.

If you want me to, I will leave.

Get back to work.

Good morning.Hey.

So, how'd it go?

Tayo came, he saw Dele,
he ate food,

He went back to his hotel.

Great. I mean, it would have
been nice if you called.

I texted you.

At 1:00 a.m.
You said "Went well."

You know how many ways
you can take "went well"?

That's how it went.

So, did you ask him
about a divorce?

No.Oh.

It was not the right time.

Is it ever the right time?

I mean, I asked my wife
for a divorce

halfway through her Grand Slam
breakfast at Denny's.

Do not push me.
I'll deal with it.

Okay.
Well, I made a call to my lawyer

just to see where we stand,
and he said that we sh...

I do not care
what your lawyer said.

He's not the one
dealing with it.

And neither are you.

I'm just trying to be proactive.

Well, don't. I will
handle my husband.

What I need from you now
is to be patient.

I am the side piece.

Uncle,

the seasoning
on this suya is good,

but I'd forgotten
how American meat feels like

chewing on a wallet.

Just throw some more
pepper on it.

You'll forget again.[chuckles]

So my son has grown up
not knowing

what real food tastes like.[both laugh]

He also grew up without you.

Oh! Fancy seeing you here.

Hey, Uncle Tunde.

What a wonderful coincidence.

I just happen to be having lunch

with Abishola's husband,
and you show up.

Yes, what a wonderful
coincidence.

Small world.

Bob.

I know who you are.

I looked you up on LinkedIn.

There's another Detroit
Bob Wheeler who's a dentist.

Yeah, I get his mail.

You mind if we talk
for a second?

Of course.

Uh, look, we both know
what's going on here.

Yes, you are engaged to my wife.

Well, I like to think of it as
you're married to my fiancée.

In Olu's soap opera,

you would discover
you are brothers.

Pass the fufu.

The point is, you left her.

[laughs]
Is that what she told you?

Well, am I missing something?

Have you been in Tunde's
basement this whole time?

You make it sound like I left
in the middle of the night.

I wanted my family
to come back to Nigeria with me,

but Abishola refused.

In a way,
she is the one who left me.

Is that true?

In a way.

There was no abandonment.

I've been in constant contact
with my son the entire time.

Okay, I didn't know that either.

You did not know this because
it is none of your business

what goes on with my family.

Whatever your side
of the story is,

you've been gone
for eight years.

She's with me now.

She's moved on.

[scoffs]

Abishola and I were happy once,
when we had nothing.

But now I have a large house,

driver, staff.

And I have picked out
a wonderful

private school for Dele.

I can provide her with
everything that she wants.

And that is why I will be
taking her back to Nigeria.

It is time for you to move on.

In the soap opera,
you would storm out now.

You could also
turn over the table,

but I am still eating.

Gorgeous day, huh?

Yes, it is. Very pretty.

[sighs]

So, you're gonna
find out eventually.

I met Tayo.

You did what? You heard me.

I specifically
asked you not to do that.

You did.

And yet you went behind my back.

You know he wants to take
you and Dele back to Nigeria.

Why are you smiling about this?

Because I know you're not going.

But he's my husband.

This isn't about him.

Or me.

This is about you.

You have a life you've created.

You've got a job you love.

You are in charge
of your own destiny.

You're not gonna
give all that up

to go back to Nigeria and be
some rich guy's second wife.

First wife.

Whatever.

You're not the same woman
he left eight years ago.

Tayo doesn't know it.

But I do.

So you have me all figured out.

Not at all. Good answer.

Yes, it was.

Karo. Karo.

E karo,Dad.

Hey, are you ready to go?

Yes. Let me grab my stuff.

Okay.

We are going to play chess
with the old men in the park.

Well, Dele's going to play.

I need him to win back
the money that I lost.

It's good you are
spending time with him.

Yes. We are a family again.

We will never be a family again.

I am not the same person
you left eight years ago.

That is all right. I am not

asking you if it's all right.

I am telling you

I think it is best
we get a divorce.

You do not know
what is for the best.

I do.

And that is what
I've been working for

all this time.Tayo...

And that is why I will never,

ever give you a divorce.

Okay, my son.

Are you ready? Yes. Bye, Mom.

We will be home for dinner.

[door closes]