Blue Bloods (2010–…): Season 2, Episode 15 - The Life We Chose - full transcript

How are we doing here?

Now, remember, these radios are
good for about 200 yards, tops.

After that, the
repeaters crap out,

and reception's spotty.

Modern technology, huh?

Yeah. I just need to
finish wiring the car

and you guys
are good to go.

Yo, back in the day,

you ever think we'd be these
old, married family guys?

Are you kidding me?
At least I was smart enough

to stop at two kids, unlike you.



I miss them days, man.

All I did was chase skirts
and catch bad guys.

Well,
look on the bright side,

you still get to catch bad guys.

That's true, that's true.
Now I get to live

vicariously
through this playboy.

Yeah, well somebody had
to pick up your slack, Jack.

All right, should I leave

while you guys reminisce
about the good ol' days?

Eh, it's just guy talk.

What time is the christening anyway?
Come on, man, you know

how Tracy gets
about people being late.

I'm joking. Look, you think
my wife would let me be late?

It's all she's talked
about for weeks,



is how excited she is
to be a godmother.

Sarge!

All right, here we go.
Let's do this.

Here's your 50 grand.

Don't run away with it.

Vegas, here we come.

Yeah.

Reagan and Curatola
are gonna your ghosts tonight.

All right?

Let's go over the codes.

Any reference you use
to good weather

means things are going okay.

Reference
to bad weather means

things are getting
a little hinky.

And "geek" means come
and come heavy.

Let's hope we don't get
to "geek."

the uncles are in control.

You guys can call it off
for any reason you see fit.

All right?
Got it.

All right.

Here's you date for tonight.

Why is he looking so smug?

He's been one
elusive dude.

We've been buying our
way up the food chain

to Señor David Fernandez
for the last six months.

Well, let's not spook him.

The idea is to get
a few buys from Fernandez,

right, with some major weight,

and then get to his source.

All right?
Let's go.

Let's rock and roll.

Let's do it.

Okay, now we get
these four bars intro,

and then we sing together.

You ready?

Oh, come on, Nicky.

I know you're a little rusty,
but it's all in your head.

You're a terrific singer.

I know, I know,
it's just...

I'm trying
to remember the words.

It's been a while.

What are you two up to?

- Hi.
- Hey.

Nicky is going to accompany me
at the parish talent show.

Wouldn't miss it.
Wow.

Sister Josephine always said

that you had
the best voice in town.

Yeah, well, Sister
Josephine was an ogre.

Well, still,
it killed me when you quit.

When was it

you quit choir?
Seventh grade.

It was between singing

and soccer, and I didn't
have time for both.

So, Pop,
you brought in a ringer.

You must really want
to win this thing.

Hey, listen, last year

Jack Smith brought his grandson,
and that kid made it

to the third round
of American Idol.

So, I got Nicky.

Besides, I made
a little side bet

with Jack.

What was the bet?

Bottle of Irish single malt.

You have my 15-year-old daughter
performing for whiskey?

Oh.

My doctor always stressed
the importance of hydration.

You know, Nicky,
Pop made me sing with him once.

But only once.

It was
the Emerald Society benefit.

It was ugly.

That's him.

That's David Fernandez,
the big-time drug dealer?

Yep.
Looks like a pipsqueak.

Al Capone was a runt, too.

What's up, Papa?

How you feeling?

Drive.

He's in.

Let's go.

Next corner,
make a right.

Right here on Pulaski?

Yeah.

Right again.

Right here on Eagle?

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, watch it.
Hey! Hey!

Move it!

Move, moron!

Get out of the...!

Jackass.

Y'all believe that, uh,

pitchers and catchers
reported this week?

Sunny and 80 in Florida.

You into Yankees or Mets?

What do I care
about baseball?

- Okay, hold on. Hold on.
- Wait, wait, wait.

This corner, make a left,
and let's pick up the pace.

Let's go left.

You better have
that weight, man.

Don't worry about
what I got or don't got.

They must have turned

down one of these streets.

Yeah, but which one?

Yeah, I used to deliver oil
right down here.

Ash Street.

Ash! Ash was back there.
Hang on.

Hey, here's my man now.

What's up, player?

It's cold out
there, huh?

I'm not getting them
on the walkie, Jack.

Okay, okay.
Where the hell are they?

We lost them.

I got nothing.

They're hit, Jack.

They're hit!

Roland!

Roland... no!
He's alive.

He's alive. He's alive.
Come here, come here.

Okay.
Buddy.

Come on, buddy.
Come on.

Don't do this.
Central?

Don't do this to me.
Yeah, we got a 10-13

on the corner of Ash and Fulton.
Look at me.

You and Tracy got a
big day coming up.

You hear me?
Yeah, we got two MOS.

We... we need a bus.
We need a bus.

No!

Okay. They appear
to be shot.

♪ Blue Bloods 2x15 ♪
The Life We Chose
Original Air Date on February 24, 2012

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
== WEB-DL resync by Crushcode ==

♪

Come on, Jackie.
Pull him in.

Come on!

Hang in there, Cruz.
Yeah, I got him, Danny.

Take care of
him, Jack.

Go! Go! Go!

All right, the perp,

David Fernandez, he left his cap
in the back of the car.

You got it.
Yeah, I got the hat.

Here's your man,
here's your man.

Has he got the scent?

Get the scent, boy. Get the scent.
Hurry up! Come on!

Get your man, boy.

All right, he's got the scent.

All right, let's go!
Let's move it!

He went out the back.

Out the back.

Out the back!

Hey, what's wrong with the dog?

He lost the trail.
What's wrong with him?!

He lost the trail.
What do you mean, he lost...?

He lost it.
Where'd they go?!

They got in a car
and drive away.

Son of a bitch!

- Commissioner.
- As you were.

What about the search warrants?

First 13
locations tied

to the Fernandez
investigation that were hit

have come up empty.

You're maintaining contact
with the DA's office?

Yes, sir.

Detective Cruz took two
rounds to the torso,

through the seat
of the car.

Missed the
vital organs,

but one bullet's
lodged near his spine.

Potential paralysis?

Surgeon says
it's fifty-fifty.

He's being prepped
for surgery.

They gave him something
for the pain,

but he's in and out.

Commissioner.

I'm so sorry, sir.

I had a bad
feeling

about this operation.

I didn't trust my gut.

I knew when we had lost
the ghosts, I...

We've all been there, Jose.

Next thing I know,

I'm on my way to the hospital.

They told me I was shot.

The doctors
are going to fix you up.

Gates.

Oh, man.

Before we turned out
tonight, he...

he was talking
about christening his kid

and the party he
was going to throw.

I hope he gets out
in time for that.

Danny, hi.

Hey.

Look, I'm, uh... I'm sorry
to wake you so late, babe.

It's a... it's a bad night.

What?

What happened?

It's Roland.

Roland?

What about him?

There was a shooting, Linda.

Is he dead?

Oh, my God.

I know his family
is on the way up for the...

the christening,
and, uh, Tracy's alone.

They haven't arrived yet.

Can you just go look after her?

O-Okay, of course.

I will.

I will.

What about you?

I'm good.

Y-You be careful.

You promise me.

Always.

What's that?

A little scratch.

That's too much blood
for a scratch.

Reagan temper, you know?

How you holding up?

We lost him.

I know.

Hey, listen up.

Commissioner's on his way in.

He'd like to take a minute...

Attention!

Thank you, Sergeant.

At ease.

Detective Cruz has come
through surgery in good shape.

I'm happy to say
that he will walk...

...through those doors
on his own two feet.

I have spoken
to Roland Gates' family.

They're holding up well...

considering.

When a cop is killed...

we don't rest.

The 5-4 was home

to these two
brave detectives.

When someone
violates our home...

it's personal.

Stay focused.

Do your job.

We need to get these
sons of bitches.

Carry on.

Okay.

TARU retrieved this
from the camera

inside the undercover car.

It ain't pretty.

Hey, here's my man
right now.

What's up, player?

It's cold out
there, huh?

I got three kids, man.

Too bad for them.

Damn, Phantom, we was just
supposed to rip them off.

Grab the money. Let's bolt.

All right, what else
you got on Fernandez?

Guy moves around
pretty much every night.

Checked all known
locations, nothing.

And the mother was
involved in the operation.

She did a dime for distribution.

- Real family values.
- She's got a meeting with

her P.O. at 9:00 a.m.

All right, you snatch her up.

Will do.

Back to work.

Hold on, Jack.

Yeah, Dad.

My... my hand is fine.

I got the message
loud and clear.

Yes, sir.

- Come on, Grandpa,
- I'm gonna be late for school.

Come on, one more time.

♪ Together ♪

♪ At last ♪

♪ To... ♪

Hey, Nicky.

What's eatin' you, kid?

That detective that was shot.

What about him?

His oldest daughter, Shanna,

she's on my soccer team.

Yeah, that's a shame.

But you shouldn't
be thinking about that.

How awful she must feel.

Besides...

it just seems silly
to be singing songs

at a time like this.

You're right.

You know...

you can never prepare

for this kind of thing,

and I guess
with our young,

we keep trying
to protect you

from the harsh reality

of this life that we chose.

I know, Pop, it's just...
I'm living this life, too.

I mean, I buried
my uncle Joe when I was 13.

I know.

And that kills me.

I just want to show
Shanna my support.

Make her feel
better somehow.

Ms. Fernandez...

look, we know that your son
didn't pull the trigger.

But every minute that you stall,

every minute that
you don't cooperate

to help us find
where your son is,

he's getting into
deeper and deeper trouble.

That's one hard bitch.

Yeah. I think an
hour of good cop's

about enough, don't you?
Go for it.

I keep telling you,
I don't know nothing,

and I ain't done
nothing wrong,

so why the hell
am I here?

Ms. Fernandez, we need you
to help us locate your son.

Ain't seen him.

Okay.

I'm done with you.

Don't you think it's time

that you stopped playing dumb,
Ms. Fernandez?

Tell us who your son's been
running around with these days.

I don't know nothing

about my son's friends.

Well, I suggest you
think hard and fast,

'cause you better
give me something

I can use right now.
Why?

Because some cops got shot?

Too bad.

What you call that?

Hazards of the occupation?

You know, I really hope
that you don't make

another comment like
that right now.

What the hell are you
talking about, cop?

Because I might forget
that you're not a man

and knock your freaking
teeth out, you old witch.

You want to talk
about being a man?

My boy is a real man.
Your boy's a coward!

Not some punk
police like you.

All tough with your
badge and your gun.

Listen, your son's going down

for this one way or the other,

so you want to help him,
you better help me.

Why would I want to help you?

'Cause there are
35,000 cops with guns

hunting his punk-ass down
right now, and if he

so much as blinks when they
find him they will blast him

into the next lifetime,
you understand me?

Hijo de puta.

Is that all you got, white boy?

You'll find out.

She must be angling for
"Mother of the Year" award.

Hey, the dump on
her phone came back.

We got several calls from
an address in, uh, Hunts Point,

all dialed after the shooting--
possible location for Fernandez.

Yeah, the mutts always
run home to Mommy.

You hustle, you can rendezvous
with the ESU guys

before they hit the location.

Save her for me.

Go, go, go!

David Fernandez.

We got a fresh one.

Closet clear.

Bedroom clear!

Problem is, he's the only guy
that could I.D. Phantom.

Hello again.

You miss me?

That's okay, I didn't
miss you, either.

But I did get a
chance to rendezvous

with your boy since
we chatted last.

Yeah, whatever.
No, I did.

It's interesting, you
know, I keep thinking,

if his mom wasn't
a drug dealer, that kid

actually might've
had a shot at a good life.

We wasn't living
in no suburbs like you.

Mm. What are you gonna do.

Anyway, I thought
you'd like a little memento.

This picture was taken
of your son earlier.

He's very handsome.

Looks like a movie star,
your boy.

I got nothing for you.

I know, you already
told me that.

Which is a shame,

because I was giving you
a chance to help me help him--

your own flesh and blood--
but you told me to take a hike,

so now...

here's a more recent
picture of your son.

Go on, check it out.

This was taken
right after Phantom decided

he didn't need
a partner anymore.

So what do you
call it...

one of those
"hazards of the job,"

like you were
telling me about earlier?

You lie, you lie.
No.

No, I don't.

See, if you would've
helped me earlier,

I would've gotten to your boy
before that animal Phantom did,

and that probably
wouldn't have happened to him.

That's right,

look at him.

Now, Mrs. Fernandez,
you and I both have

a reason to get that
sick son of a bitch Phantom

off the streets.

So you gonna help me?

Or are you gonna let
that coward get away

with doing this to your son?

David was hooking up with...

Nelson Ortiz, the...

the drug dealer
from the Alexander Houses.

And who's Phantom?
I don't know.

I don't know who...

Some guy who was
gonna be muscle for them

when they expanded
their territory.

You keep that one.

Tough stuff.

Well, she wanted to play
hardball, so screw her.

Nelson Ortiz is one of the big
players in Brooklyn drug trade.

I know. I know him from
the days in Narcotics.

Hmm. He's usually not
very talkative.

That's all right.
I'll pay him a visit,

see if I can loosen
up his tongue.

Linda's here.
Where?

In my office.

All right. Thanks.

Hey.
Hey.

Didn't know when
you'd be home, so I, uh...

brought you some clothes.

Great, I could use them.

How's Tracy?

Well, I had to...

help her pick out her
husband's casket,

and so you can imagine.
Yeah.

I had to hold her and tell
her everything was gonna

be okay for her, but...

it's not gonna
be okay for her.

No, her life's never
gonna be the same.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I really wanted just
to give you a hug.

It's been a rough
couple of weeks.

I know.

I know.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, well, it
is what it is.

Yeah.

I brought your favorite tie.

They're making
that roast chicken

that you love
for Sunday dinner.

If you don't make it,

I'll bring you a plate.

Thank you.

I got to get back to Tracy.

They're going ahead
with the baptism.

I put together an update
on the manhunt.

I'd like to get it out
right away.

Do you want to have a look?

Does your update have
the killer in custody?

I wish it did.

Just go with what you got.

There are 8.3 million people
in this city, most of 'em good,

some of 'em not,
a few of them dangerously bad.

That your update?
No.

This is me talking to you.

There's a lot
of moving parts,

and it's inevitable that
some of the good ones

are gonna get
crushed by the bad.

And there's no one man,
or even an army,

that can prevent that
from happening all the time.

Two hundred seventy-one.

What's that?

That's the number
of line-of-duty deaths

since I came on the job
as a rookie.

In my office if you need me.

Thank you, Garrett.

Danny, I keep trying
to tell myself

that we did
everything we could,

but it ain't working.

I don't know if we're
ever gonna believe we

did all we could, Jack.

We should've been there;
we weren't.

You saw the video--
if we were there,

even if we were there, they
would've got shots off, right?

Yeah.

Am I taking this too personal?

It is personal.

Let's go.

We're closed.

So what the hell
are you doing here?

Just doing my job.

Is that right?
Is Nelson scared of somebody?

Look, ain't nothin' here
for y'all.

Well, we'll see
about that ourselves.

Call him a bus.

Hey, how the hell
did you get past Felix?

Shut your mouth,
or you're gonna

find out quick.

Detective Reagan.

Still running amok.

I need answers from you.

You first.

I don't know nothin'
about no cop being killed, man.

No clue, huh?

Okay. And what about
your new partner?

You have any clue what
Phantom did to him?

Hmm?

You're bleeding.

It's an occupational hazard.

You probably know about
those now, don't you?

Working with a guy like Phantom.

Must be bad
for business

having a guy like that
running around.

Those real?

Pretty impressive.

I bet you're handy
with 'em, huh?

I know my way around 'em.

Why don't you take it down.

Take a look at one.

This is an authentic Uchigatana.

700 years old.

Here's how
my testimony's gonna go.

The subject grabbed a sword
down from the wall.

I ordered him to drop the sword;
he failed to comply.

Blada, blada, blada,

I feared for my life,
so I had no choice

but to discharge my service
weapon into the subject,

striking him several times
in the chest and face.

You want to tell me
who Phantom is?

You're crazy.

I'm not in the mood
to take "no" for an answer.

This guy Phantom's like some
original gangster nightmare

from the past, man.

Who is he?

Who is he?!

All I know is,

he was gone before
I got out of grade school, man.

They used to tell us
these Phantom stories

like they'd tell us
ghost stories.

They all dead
from the crack war days.

Problem is, Phantom ain't dead.

No, Phantom isn't dead.

And he's not a ghost.

So I want you to tell me
who he is right now.

His last name is Washington.

That's all I know.

You can shoot me
all you want, man.

I'm not gonna shoot you.

I got what I wanted.

Reagan.
Yeah.

Phantom's given name
is Donald Washington.

He was one of the youngest
crack kingpins.

Terrorized Brooklyn
back in the day.

He was targeted by a
special narcotics operation,

- Task Force Apache.
- That's Phantom.

Where the hell's this son of
a bitch been hiding out

the past few years?
Just got released

from Raiford Penitentiary in
Florida after serving 22 years.

How did he end up down there?

Went on a major buy in Miami,

decided he wanted
the money and the drugs,

shot four people to get them.

And he's out already?

Got a reduced sentence

for ratting out
his Colombian suppliers.

You mean the ones
he didn't kill.

Yeah.

Most of that whole generation
was wiped out,

but we did track down one of his
old running partners, Ray Bell.

Guy looks like he, uh,
dropped the bad habits

and became a citizen.

Runs a barbershop in Brooklyn.

Barbershop?

Great. Wife says
I could use a trim.

Ray Bell.
You talk for a second?

It's closing time.

Really?

How about now?

I just seen him
on the news.

You seen him in person?

Not since the smart
Bush was president.

He hasn't reached out to you
at all?

No. And I hope he don't.

I was young and dumb once.

I did three years
for selling crack cocaine.

And he stayed young and dumb.

Mm-hmm.

You became a good guy,
just like that.

That was another life.

Another Ray Bell.

All right, Mr. Ray Bell.

You know where I could find
any of the old crew?

If I was you,
I'd try looking in the cemetery.

Put that gadget away.

Come here.

This is Derek,
my youngest.

Say hello to
the detective.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Nice to meet you, too, Derek.

I'll tell you what, Mr. Bell.

You see or hear anything,

why don't you give me a call,
all right?

Take it easy, kid.

Go ahead, sit down.

I don't like funerals.

I've had my fill of them myself.

Pass the stuffing, please.

Except when you're serving
the Mass.

People tip good at funerals.

"Well."

Tip well.

Is that why you became
an alter boy, Jack?

No, Grandpa.
Okay.

And we're not going to a funeral,
we're going to a christening.

I called Shanna Gates.

I'm gonna ride with her
to church.

And I invited her
to come hear us sing.

Terrific!

That's great, honey.

Where's Dad?

He's working a case.

You worried about
your dad, Sean?

Is he gonna be okay?

Yeah. Most of the time,
detective work's boring.

Not when you're getting shot at.

Yeah, well, most of the time
you're not getting shot at.

But when you join the force,
it comes with the territory.

Detective Gates

made a choice.

He knew what the dangers were.

Well, I don't think that
that's a comfort

to Tracy Gates right now.

What do you think, Jack?

I think...

you get two lives.

The one you're born into,
and the one you choose.

Unless you're a Reagan.

You always get a choice, Jack.

Maybe I don't want a choice.

Oh, boy.

What happened to
wanting to be a doctor?

Yeah, or a lawyer, huh, bud?

Hey.

Hey!

Sorry I'm late.

Wow. You look like crap.

Thank you.

Hey.

What's up with the hand?

Uh...
ah, I cut myself shaving.

Lots of chicken in the oven.
Yeah.

I got my eyes on a piece
right here that looks perfect.

- You can't do that.
- Law of the Reagan jungle, Jack,

protect your food at all times.

Around here,
you snooze, you lose.

Hey. Rise and shine, partner.

Look at you.
New clothes.

Yeah.

My old clothes smelled so bad

my family threw me out
of Sunday dinner yesterday.

Oh-oh.

Get any rest?

No. Every time I close my eyes,
I just...

I know the feeling,
partner, but look,

we may have some good news.

Guy named Jamal Williams

was shot dead
in Brooklyn last night.

Doesn't sound like
very good news for Williams.

How's that good news for us?

Because Jamal Williams was shot
dead with a ten millimeter,

same as our guys.

Not only that, a witness
description matches Phantom.

Is it random?
Not random.

Williams was an informant
for Task Force Apache

back in the days,
and he snitched on Phantom.

So Phantom's not just taking
down scores, he's settling them.

Phantom is getting revenge.
Now look at this.

This is a list of old
Brooklyn North Narcotics CIs.

They were all registered,
including Jamal Williams,

but this guy Detective Ryan,
he had one informant

that was not on the register.

His nickname was Snippy.

So Ryan kept informants
off the books.

It was pretty common
back in the days,

but that's not what's important.

What is, is this Detective Ryan,
in all these Snippy reports,

he initialed "R.B."
here in the margins.

Look. "R.B."

Ray Bell. Snippy. The barber.

If they're the
same person,

then Ray Bell
snitched on Phantom, too,

which means Phantom is going
to go after Ray Bell next.

You keep digging in these
files for more informants.

I'll go warn Snippy.

Ray Bell.

Or maybe I should
call you "Snippy"?

I ain't Snippy no more.
Yeah?

Well, you were an informant
for Task Force Apache.

I escaped my past.

I don't care about
your past, all right,

but Phantom does.

He's whacking
old informants, okay,

and you're next on the list.

So why don't you
do yourself a favor,

and be smart and
help me find the guy.

What is it?

It's my boy, Derek.

He's texting me from
under the bed.

He says some guy's in
my house with a gun.

Whoa, what?
He's got my family.

Whoa! Hey, hey!
Slow down!

I got to save my family
from this animal!

Listen to me!
Take it easy, all right?

I'm here to help you.
Now, where's your family?

What apartment are they in?

3B. Apartment 3B.

3B. All right, and which
window is Derek's bedroom?

Right there by
the fire escape.

Can I get in that window?
It's locked.

All right,
you text your kid, okay?

You tell Derek that
a police officer is coming up

that fire escape, he's got
open the window and let me in

so I can help him.
He's too scared.

You text him and tell him
to be brave. All right?

Do it.

So Snippy never told you
about his old buddy Phantom?

He thought he was
all free and clear,

his new life without me.

Now he gonna be surprised
when he come home

and finds out
it's old home week, ain't he?

Yes, he is.

He say he's gonna do it.

Call 911.

How long it take that fool
to get some damn milk?

I got you.

♪ ♪

Drop it or die!

Right here, right now!

Your choice!

You gonna shoot me
in the back, cop?

No, that's what cowards
like you do it.

You ain't got the balls
to shoot me.

Turn around and
find out, punk.

Our next act is Henry Reagan

and his great-granddaughter
Nicky Reagan-Boyle.

Together they will perform

a rendition of
"I Don't Need Anything But You"

from Annie.

♪ Together at last ♪

♪ Together forever ♪

♪ We're tying a knot ♪

♪ They never can sever ♪

♪ I don't need sunshine now ♪

♪ To turn my sky to blue ♪

♪ I don't need anything
but you ♪

I hate being late.

Oh.

♪ We're tying a knot ♪

The life we chose.

♪ They never can sever ♪

I'll let them know.

♪ I don't need sunshine now
to turn my sky to blue ♪

I'm on my way.

♪ I don't need anything
but you ♪

♪ Yesterday was plain awful ♪

♪ You can say
that again ♪

♪ Yesterday was plain awful ♪

♪ But that's... ♪

♪ Not now ♪

♪ That's then ♪

♪ We're two of a kind ♪

♪ The happiest pair now ♪

♪ Like Fred and Adele ♪

♪ We're floating on air now ♪

♪ And what's the title of that
dream that just came true? ♪

♪ I don't need
anything ♪

♪ Anything ♪

♪ Anything ♪

♪ I don't need anything ♪

♪ But you... ♪

Commissioner,
what can you tell us about

the alleged perpetrator,
Donald Washington?

I have nothing more to say
about Donald Washington.

Well, the last couple
of days have brought

the worst kind of
news to this office:

the line-of-duty shooting
of two NYPD detectives.

Detective Gates
and Detective Cruz.

Can you talk a little bit

about how you manage the force

when a tragedy
like this hits home?

Well, I don't know who it
was, but someone wrote,

"Courage is not the absence
of fear, it is the judgment

that something else
is more important than fear."

I try to keep us all focused
on what we do and why we do it,

no matter what
the circumstances.

And how has the loss

of Detective Gates affected
the department as a whole?

Jim, the NYPD is a family.

When you lose
a member of the family,

you come together, you grieve,

then you strengthen your resolve

to carry on in the spirit
of the one you lost.

And how has this affected you
personally, Commissioner?

Loss comes with the job.

Every man and woman who joins
the force is well aware of that.

Doesn't make it any easier
to take when it happens.

I think the toughest part
of my job

is ordering my people
into harm's way every day.

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