Bloods (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 9 - Episode #2.9 - full transcript
We are the army in an ambulance.
- One, two, three, HART!
- Having fun?
Would it be wrong
to say shit loads?
You stole a memorial bench...
- Yeah.
- ...to get back at a dead woman
for cock blocking you.
What are you doing?
I don't want to sit in a pub
acting all matey
just so you don't have
to feel bad
about rejecting me
on New Year's.
I can't sleep.
I didn't even want to
get out of bed this morning.
Next week we've got a taster
course for potential HART recruits.
You don't like it, you can
come back to the granny lifters.
Fastest time yet.
I inject it!
You hear that,
you slow bastards?
I am a beast! A beast!
- Are you done?
- Sorry, done now.
- Whoo!
- Opening theme music plays...
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Morning, campers!
So, uh, Gary here.
I'm in charge while,
uh, whilst Jo's away.
And I just want to
quickly congratulate Darrell
who's been presented
with a bravery award
for apprehending
a dangerous criminal.
Someone give him a big pat
on the back from me.
What the hell, Kareshma?
- That was from Gary.
- You're bang out of order, Gary.
- How dare you.
- Sorry.
I'm here to serve you...
you, you, you...
Uh, you only pointed
at the white staff.
Racist.
God, no.
You, uh, you, you... uh, you...
- What about the gays?
- I'm here for them as well.
- Oh, dear.
- Yeah, fuck this.
Uh, well, definitely you...
Well, we're all
a little bit gay, aren't we?
Uh, you... you, maybe. You?
Ready?
Ta-da!
Who made this
dead primary school sign?
I did. Do you love it?
- It's whack, fem.
- Yeah, it's whack!
- Sorry, is that a good thing?
- No.
How have the sessions been going
with George?
It's all right, you know.
You know, I used to think
therapy was some
white people's shit,
- like crumpet.
- And now what do you think?
Well, I still think it's rich white
people's shit like crumpets
however, I like both.
Well, today, I want you to
have a nice easy shift back
after your little breakdown.
Hey! It wasn't
a little breakdown, man.
You better not be telling the
streets that you saw a man crying.
I don't even know how to
get in touch with the streets.
...two collapse at funeral,
Heaven and Earth Church,
Lewisham.
I'm gonna try and divert this.
You cried not at a funeral,
what will you be like at a funeral?
Four-five-ten responding.
Please, Wendy, I love funerals.
They're actually my favourite.
That sounds like something someone
would say after having a little break...
Sorry.
Hello, aunty.
Hi, you all right?
Oh, oh. Hello, aunty.
Wait, are all these women
your aunty?
No, it's a sign of respect,
they're my elders, remember?
I don't know every black person.
Hey, yo.
Well, who's that person
you're waving at?
Oh, that's my cousin.
And I know them,
but... it's besides the point.
What's happening, brudda?
You all right, aunty? Hello, mate.
Can you tell us
what's happened, duck?
Hi, uh, quick one.
I just want to know
how long Jo's gone for?
I really need to talk to her.
Well, she's in Essex
at the HART training
for at least a week.
- Ah.
- Have you heard of texting?
Yeah, or... or a phone call?
I love picking up
unknown numbers.
No, I need to speak to her
face to face.
Uh, Essex...
I need to take the day off
today, um...
sick leave?
Yeah, I'm feeling sick.
It's just, come on.
Oh, Lawrence,
do you want a soother or...
No, I just need to go
and lie down in a dark room.
Okay, Gary, as depot lead, he
needs to ask your permission now.
Oh.
Gary, can I have a day off sick?
Of course, I'm not a dictator.
Thank you.
Well, that went very well.
Gary!
You two-faced monster.
You think it's jiggy to split up
me and my bro on our last shift?
- It's not jiggy.
- I want everything to be jiggy.
- Put us back together, or we'll strike!
- We'll bite you!
There must have
been a terrible mix up.
Ooh, work together.
Please, please.
Mate that was so
intimidating, the way you just...
- I plunged him.
- Oh, God.
- I swapped the rotas.
- What?
Well, it's hard
being at the top, Gary.
And today,
I'm gonna make it harder.
Well, I'm already taking pills for
that at the moment, so, good luck.
TMI, Gary.
That's way too much information.
So, we've been thinking
about your assertion that Jo's
at the root
of the pastoral care failings
at South Hill and, um...
...well, are you familiar
with the concept
of an HR shit sandwich?
That you take a slice
of good news,
hide the shit in the middle and
top it off with more good news?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly, exactly.
So, we thought we'd move her
onto a quieter depot.
Co-lead, something like that.
Actually, Roger, would you mind
leaving this with me for now?
I think I have a solution
that would benefit everyone.
Yeah, yeah, sure, be my guest.
Between us, um...
I'm actually a bit scared
of her.
Look who's turned up.
Daddy Long legs
has brought your lunch?
If so,
he better have cut off my crusts.
No, only joking,
I bloody love crusts.
Fiber, you know. One sec.
- Loz.
- Hi, um, could I have a word?
I knew I should never have left
a boy to do a man's job.
Did Gary burn down the depot? Tell
me he has at least perished in the fire?
Ah, no, everything's fine
with the depot,
and, um, Gary's actually
a very positive leader.
Oh, all right, well,
why don't you marry him then?
Um...
What?
I actually wrote
what I was gonna say
on the palm of my hand,
but the gloves, the bike,
sweat glands and cheap biro,
it's turned into a blurry mess.
- Um, but, it's all up here.
- Okay.
Spit it out, you lanky twat.
Five minutes
to the next exercise.
Come on!
Ah...
what I wanted to say was...
um...
...I heard you were low on patient
volunteers, maybe I could, um...
What?
Loz, we've got dummies for that.
I need to get ready
for the next exercise.
Right, yeah, yeah. You do that.
I'll just hang here
with these legends.
That didn't pan out
the way I thought it would.
No need to panic,
great people, God will protect this man.
Amen to that. Hey, what's
your name, my friend?
Just call me Pastor Olofemi.
He was talking to the patient.
His name is Lazarus, help him.
In the scriptures,
Lazarus will rise from the dead.
In the scriptures, was Lazarus
diabetic with high cholesterol?
Pastor, please,
we have to let the medics focus.
He's unconscious.
He's barely breathing.
Twelve breathes a minute.
Is everything all right, Maleek?
Is he reminding you of your dad?
No, he wasn't. Well, he is now.
Thanks very much, Wendy.
Well, think happy thoughts.
You like crumpets.
Think about crumpets.
I'm trying to think of
how to save this brother's life.
Right, Wendy,
do his blood pressure,
O2 sats and sugar levels.
I'm gonna set up the CCG.
Oh, duck,
this is traumatic for you.
I don't want you to
have another little breakdown.
Hey! Wendy! Stop.
Just do your job now, man.
So, have you
written a speech for later?
- Have I?
- Yeah, have you?
- Ooh, have I.
- Bro, have you or haven't you?
- Have I.
- Just answer the question.
Have you written a speech
or not?
No, I have.
That's why I'm saying "have I".
It's one of the best speeches
ever.
Oh, see when you're saying
"have I",
I didn't know
if you've written it or not.
No, I have, that's why I said
"have I" because I have.
So, did you restock the truck
for later?
Did I.
- "I did", that's all!
- I did it, I...
- Just be clear!
- Did... I did!
I did.
Go, go, go, you're P1.
You're P2, you're P3, you're P4.
P1, get them out!
- It's not looking great for him.
- It's not meant to look good for you either, mate.
Did you read your patient card? You're supposed
to be coughing and struggling for breath.
I thought that was
a bit on the nose.
I'm going for something
a bit more nuanced.
Jo, I sometimes
struggle to say how I feel.
Speaking as Lawrence
or the patient?
I see a lot of my
emotions as colours, actually.
Grays, darker grays,
midnight grays.
All right, Mr. Farrar
on ball ache.
What I'm trying to say is
I love you.
- What?
- I love you!
Again...
Lawrence or the patient?
As Lawrence.
- You are a jellyfish.
- What?
Just randomly floating along
with your dangling tentacles
paying no mind to the people
swimming around you
and then you sting them.
And they just have to
find someone else
to piss all over them
and make them feel better.
Have you found somebody else
to... piss on you?
I have found something
that makes me feel better.
This. HART.
I mean... what?
You turn up
with your graying mustache
and little sad bear eyes
and just expect...
- I didn't expect.
- No, Lawrence, no.
I'm sorry. You blew it.
You're right. If me going will
make you happy, then I'll just go.
Can you unbuckle me, please?
Don't touch me.
What's happening?
Get off me, get off me now.
- Get off me now.
- It's okay, darling.
- You're in the hands of...
- God.
Uh, I was going to say the paramedics.
Right, look,
everyone just needs to focus.
Mate, I need you
to hold him down.
I can't find a vein
to get the line in.
Right, give it here, I'll try.
Can't have him decline again,
he might go into arrest.
Hold him down.
Please, let me help
with my anointing oils.
Pastor, please be my guest. This
man needs all the help we can get.
You do the God thing,
I'll do the science.
- What about me?
- Just do whatever it is you do.
Ooh, they smell lovely.
Are they from Habitat?
- Yes.
- Which store?
The one in
Look, hold him down. Please.
There we go.
My oils worked.
- In God's name.
- Amen.
Science did chip in though.
But we did it.
Do your job now, man.
I just want
you all to know how proud I am
that you're part of Gary's team.
I'd like to
take this opportunity
to thank my wife Trish,
Trish was making my egg mayo
this morn...
Yes, well, carry on, everyone,
carry on.
Hi, hey.
I, uh, saw that
this was overflowing
and I thought you might like to
have a little read.
The feedback form box.
Yeah, if you can't trust
the feedback of your colleagues,
what can you trust?
- My thoughts exactly.
- Yeah.
The sheer venom.
I've only been in charge
for a day,
how could I have offended
so many people?
"Gary is the dictionary
definition of a chocolate teapot."
Oh, no, that says more about the
person who wrote it than you, Gary.
- "Gary is a shit house."
- It's not even constructive.
I'm not even going to read
that one out loud.
Oh, come on here,
look, I'll do it.
No, I'll have a look.
Thank you, Gary.
Oh, would you look at that.
They're all
in the same handwriting.
Isn't that interesting,
Kareshma?
Okay, Gary,
we're just gonna take some air.
No, don't look her in the eye.
Don't talk.
Oh... come on.
Come on, this is gold.
I know right now you're thinking maybe I
should bow down in the face of greatness.
But don't.
I'm just a normal guy,
a normal regular bloke
who opened a door
that hit a bad guy.
Really, that door
could have hit anyone.
An innocent old lady
or a small child.
Before I finish,
there's one person in particular
that I'd like to thank.
His name is Darryl.
He means everything to me.
Without him, I'd be nothing.
Just a heap of skin
lying on the ground,
no bones,
just with maybe clothes I guess.
No, oh. I'm only doing a photo
for the Twitter feed.
Oh, right.
- Hey, George.
- Nice tux.
Thanks. I just picked up
my bravery award.
At least now I have a memento of the London
Ambulance Service to take back to Australia.
That and my jar
of Darryl's beard hair.
You're leaving?
That's a crying shame to lose
such an outstanding team member.
Especially considering
the current staffing crisis.
My visa expired.
I'd do anything to stay.
Even murder.
Well, why didn't you come
and see me sooner?
I'm your union rep,
I'm gonna get onto this.
See if we can't resolve
the situation.
You don't think he'd really
want me to do a murder?
You have got to work harder,
you have got to work faster,
you are in the game
of saving lives.
Do I see harder?
Do I see faster?
- Ooh, it's a shame.
- Oh, shit, what did I get wrong?
If you let me finish,
it's a shame...
no one's gonna do it better
than you've just done.
- Thanks.
- Oh, I was expecting another,
"I am a beast!"
Um, no, I'm just...
ah, cream crackered.
You know,
if you complete the course, Jo,
there's a place for you
on the HART team.
Be good to see you
at the table of the gods.
This is what you want, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
just with the depot and, um...
Are you sure
this isn't about motorbike man?
It's not about that helmet
headcase, and even if it sort of was,
he doesn't know
what he wants, so...
You know, a little bird told me he
does know what he wants. He wants you.
And you strike me as a woman
who knows what she wants.
So all you've got to do now
is go and get what you want.
But he messed up.
And then I extra messed up some
more, and anyway, he's offskis.
Well then, go and stop him.
That's an order.
Loz, stop!
I love your 'tache
and teddy bear eyes.
I love your weird Victorian
socks that creep me out
and turn me on at the same time.
Loz, I love that you chew soup!
I love that you're the only
person I can be myself around.
I want to give us a go, Loz.
I love you, too.
What?
- Did you hear any of...
- No, I had my helmet on.
Are you gonna shout at me
through a megaphone?
Whilst I probably deserve it,
I just want to let you know...
I do have very sensitive ears.
I had grommets as a child.
Let's get out of here,
Daddy Long legs.
Wow.
Yeah.
Jesus, Gary.
What... you doing,
creeping up on me like that?
This is my office.
Well, that's one way to speak
to your good friend
who's made you a cup of tea.
Mm, I'm not sure I want to defecate
out my organs today, thank you.
Excuse me?
Well, you've put enough eye
drops in there to clean out a horse.
Enough with the pranks.
You won.
But I do have something
to show you.
Come with me.
- Pranking you is totally shit.
- Why?
You take it all so well.
I've been making your day
a living hell
for shits and giggles
and then you go and do
one of the nicest things
you could ever have done for me.
Oh, well, I'm...
I'm so glad you like it.
My thumb's hanging on
by a thread.
Ah.
Uh, you... you do know we can't actually
drive around like that. Right, man?
Yes,
I did realise that afterwards.
I'll come in early tomorrow,
and cover it over.
Oh, mate,
I'm so sorry about your locker.
Why?
You're gonna need to get it
professionally cleaned.
And did you eat your lunch?
Yes, I did.
Well, I'm...
I'm sorry about that as well,
but, uh, hey,
let's put that all behind us.
I'm gonna take you for a pint.
Yeah?
We'll go somewhere
with good toilet access.
All right?
Me and you out on the town.
- Oh, that looks like good news.
- Yeah.
- The oba is here.
- What does oba mean?
It means king,
but who's she talking to?
- Oba!
- It's you, puff-puff.
- Hello, aunty.
- You saved my husband.
- He's alive! Praise be!
- Praise be!
- No, honestly, it was an hon our.
- Such a good boy.
A medic.
I wish my son was a medic.
He's an actor.
- A terrible waste.
- Oh.
You are the sort of boy
who would make his father proud.
Aw. I bet your dad's up
in heaven
eating his ocean pie,
cheering you on.
Go, Maleek, go my son.
Why'd you have to kill
such a beautiful moment
with that dead accent?
And thank you also, white lady.
Oh, it's just my job, duck.
I would like to officially
elevate you to aunty status.
Well, from one aunty to another,
that's an absolute hon our.
Is there a WhatsApp group I
could join or shall I set one up?
I could set one up.
"Aunties Anonymous".
Oh, sorry, I'm just so excited.
All right, Wendy, let's get you back to the ambo...
Sorry.
Let's get you back
to the ambulance, Aunty Wendy.
- Take care.
- Bye, aunty.
- See you, aunties.
- Bye, aunties, bye, aunties.
Come on.
Closing theme music plays...
- One, two, three, HART!
- Having fun?
Would it be wrong
to say shit loads?
You stole a memorial bench...
- Yeah.
- ...to get back at a dead woman
for cock blocking you.
What are you doing?
I don't want to sit in a pub
acting all matey
just so you don't have
to feel bad
about rejecting me
on New Year's.
I can't sleep.
I didn't even want to
get out of bed this morning.
Next week we've got a taster
course for potential HART recruits.
You don't like it, you can
come back to the granny lifters.
Fastest time yet.
I inject it!
You hear that,
you slow bastards?
I am a beast! A beast!
- Are you done?
- Sorry, done now.
- Whoo!
- Opening theme music plays...
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah! ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Morning, campers!
So, uh, Gary here.
I'm in charge while,
uh, whilst Jo's away.
And I just want to
quickly congratulate Darrell
who's been presented
with a bravery award
for apprehending
a dangerous criminal.
Someone give him a big pat
on the back from me.
What the hell, Kareshma?
- That was from Gary.
- You're bang out of order, Gary.
- How dare you.
- Sorry.
I'm here to serve you...
you, you, you...
Uh, you only pointed
at the white staff.
Racist.
God, no.
You, uh, you, you... uh, you...
- What about the gays?
- I'm here for them as well.
- Oh, dear.
- Yeah, fuck this.
Uh, well, definitely you...
Well, we're all
a little bit gay, aren't we?
Uh, you... you, maybe. You?
Ready?
Ta-da!
Who made this
dead primary school sign?
I did. Do you love it?
- It's whack, fem.
- Yeah, it's whack!
- Sorry, is that a good thing?
- No.
How have the sessions been going
with George?
It's all right, you know.
You know, I used to think
therapy was some
white people's shit,
- like crumpet.
- And now what do you think?
Well, I still think it's rich white
people's shit like crumpets
however, I like both.
Well, today, I want you to
have a nice easy shift back
after your little breakdown.
Hey! It wasn't
a little breakdown, man.
You better not be telling the
streets that you saw a man crying.
I don't even know how to
get in touch with the streets.
...two collapse at funeral,
Heaven and Earth Church,
Lewisham.
I'm gonna try and divert this.
You cried not at a funeral,
what will you be like at a funeral?
Four-five-ten responding.
Please, Wendy, I love funerals.
They're actually my favourite.
That sounds like something someone
would say after having a little break...
Sorry.
Hello, aunty.
Hi, you all right?
Oh, oh. Hello, aunty.
Wait, are all these women
your aunty?
No, it's a sign of respect,
they're my elders, remember?
I don't know every black person.
Hey, yo.
Well, who's that person
you're waving at?
Oh, that's my cousin.
And I know them,
but... it's besides the point.
What's happening, brudda?
You all right, aunty? Hello, mate.
Can you tell us
what's happened, duck?
Hi, uh, quick one.
I just want to know
how long Jo's gone for?
I really need to talk to her.
Well, she's in Essex
at the HART training
for at least a week.
- Ah.
- Have you heard of texting?
Yeah, or... or a phone call?
I love picking up
unknown numbers.
No, I need to speak to her
face to face.
Uh, Essex...
I need to take the day off
today, um...
sick leave?
Yeah, I'm feeling sick.
It's just, come on.
Oh, Lawrence,
do you want a soother or...
No, I just need to go
and lie down in a dark room.
Okay, Gary, as depot lead, he
needs to ask your permission now.
Oh.
Gary, can I have a day off sick?
Of course, I'm not a dictator.
Thank you.
Well, that went very well.
Gary!
You two-faced monster.
You think it's jiggy to split up
me and my bro on our last shift?
- It's not jiggy.
- I want everything to be jiggy.
- Put us back together, or we'll strike!
- We'll bite you!
There must have
been a terrible mix up.
Ooh, work together.
Please, please.
Mate that was so
intimidating, the way you just...
- I plunged him.
- Oh, God.
- I swapped the rotas.
- What?
Well, it's hard
being at the top, Gary.
And today,
I'm gonna make it harder.
Well, I'm already taking pills for
that at the moment, so, good luck.
TMI, Gary.
That's way too much information.
So, we've been thinking
about your assertion that Jo's
at the root
of the pastoral care failings
at South Hill and, um...
...well, are you familiar
with the concept
of an HR shit sandwich?
That you take a slice
of good news,
hide the shit in the middle and
top it off with more good news?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly, exactly.
So, we thought we'd move her
onto a quieter depot.
Co-lead, something like that.
Actually, Roger, would you mind
leaving this with me for now?
I think I have a solution
that would benefit everyone.
Yeah, yeah, sure, be my guest.
Between us, um...
I'm actually a bit scared
of her.
Look who's turned up.
Daddy Long legs
has brought your lunch?
If so,
he better have cut off my crusts.
No, only joking,
I bloody love crusts.
Fiber, you know. One sec.
- Loz.
- Hi, um, could I have a word?
I knew I should never have left
a boy to do a man's job.
Did Gary burn down the depot? Tell
me he has at least perished in the fire?
Ah, no, everything's fine
with the depot,
and, um, Gary's actually
a very positive leader.
Oh, all right, well,
why don't you marry him then?
Um...
What?
I actually wrote
what I was gonna say
on the palm of my hand,
but the gloves, the bike,
sweat glands and cheap biro,
it's turned into a blurry mess.
- Um, but, it's all up here.
- Okay.
Spit it out, you lanky twat.
Five minutes
to the next exercise.
Come on!
Ah...
what I wanted to say was...
um...
...I heard you were low on patient
volunteers, maybe I could, um...
What?
Loz, we've got dummies for that.
I need to get ready
for the next exercise.
Right, yeah, yeah. You do that.
I'll just hang here
with these legends.
That didn't pan out
the way I thought it would.
No need to panic,
great people, God will protect this man.
Amen to that. Hey, what's
your name, my friend?
Just call me Pastor Olofemi.
He was talking to the patient.
His name is Lazarus, help him.
In the scriptures,
Lazarus will rise from the dead.
In the scriptures, was Lazarus
diabetic with high cholesterol?
Pastor, please,
we have to let the medics focus.
He's unconscious.
He's barely breathing.
Twelve breathes a minute.
Is everything all right, Maleek?
Is he reminding you of your dad?
No, he wasn't. Well, he is now.
Thanks very much, Wendy.
Well, think happy thoughts.
You like crumpets.
Think about crumpets.
I'm trying to think of
how to save this brother's life.
Right, Wendy,
do his blood pressure,
O2 sats and sugar levels.
I'm gonna set up the CCG.
Oh, duck,
this is traumatic for you.
I don't want you to
have another little breakdown.
Hey! Wendy! Stop.
Just do your job now, man.
So, have you
written a speech for later?
- Have I?
- Yeah, have you?
- Ooh, have I.
- Bro, have you or haven't you?
- Have I.
- Just answer the question.
Have you written a speech
or not?
No, I have.
That's why I'm saying "have I".
It's one of the best speeches
ever.
Oh, see when you're saying
"have I",
I didn't know
if you've written it or not.
No, I have, that's why I said
"have I" because I have.
So, did you restock the truck
for later?
Did I.
- "I did", that's all!
- I did it, I...
- Just be clear!
- Did... I did!
I did.
Go, go, go, you're P1.
You're P2, you're P3, you're P4.
P1, get them out!
- It's not looking great for him.
- It's not meant to look good for you either, mate.
Did you read your patient card? You're supposed
to be coughing and struggling for breath.
I thought that was
a bit on the nose.
I'm going for something
a bit more nuanced.
Jo, I sometimes
struggle to say how I feel.
Speaking as Lawrence
or the patient?
I see a lot of my
emotions as colours, actually.
Grays, darker grays,
midnight grays.
All right, Mr. Farrar
on ball ache.
What I'm trying to say is
I love you.
- What?
- I love you!
Again...
Lawrence or the patient?
As Lawrence.
- You are a jellyfish.
- What?
Just randomly floating along
with your dangling tentacles
paying no mind to the people
swimming around you
and then you sting them.
And they just have to
find someone else
to piss all over them
and make them feel better.
Have you found somebody else
to... piss on you?
I have found something
that makes me feel better.
This. HART.
I mean... what?
You turn up
with your graying mustache
and little sad bear eyes
and just expect...
- I didn't expect.
- No, Lawrence, no.
I'm sorry. You blew it.
You're right. If me going will
make you happy, then I'll just go.
Can you unbuckle me, please?
Don't touch me.
What's happening?
Get off me, get off me now.
- Get off me now.
- It's okay, darling.
- You're in the hands of...
- God.
Uh, I was going to say the paramedics.
Right, look,
everyone just needs to focus.
Mate, I need you
to hold him down.
I can't find a vein
to get the line in.
Right, give it here, I'll try.
Can't have him decline again,
he might go into arrest.
Hold him down.
Please, let me help
with my anointing oils.
Pastor, please be my guest. This
man needs all the help we can get.
You do the God thing,
I'll do the science.
- What about me?
- Just do whatever it is you do.
Ooh, they smell lovely.
Are they from Habitat?
- Yes.
- Which store?
The one in
Look, hold him down. Please.
There we go.
My oils worked.
- In God's name.
- Amen.
Science did chip in though.
But we did it.
Do your job now, man.
I just want
you all to know how proud I am
that you're part of Gary's team.
I'd like to
take this opportunity
to thank my wife Trish,
Trish was making my egg mayo
this morn...
Yes, well, carry on, everyone,
carry on.
Hi, hey.
I, uh, saw that
this was overflowing
and I thought you might like to
have a little read.
The feedback form box.
Yeah, if you can't trust
the feedback of your colleagues,
what can you trust?
- My thoughts exactly.
- Yeah.
The sheer venom.
I've only been in charge
for a day,
how could I have offended
so many people?
"Gary is the dictionary
definition of a chocolate teapot."
Oh, no, that says more about the
person who wrote it than you, Gary.
- "Gary is a shit house."
- It's not even constructive.
I'm not even going to read
that one out loud.
Oh, come on here,
look, I'll do it.
No, I'll have a look.
Thank you, Gary.
Oh, would you look at that.
They're all
in the same handwriting.
Isn't that interesting,
Kareshma?
Okay, Gary,
we're just gonna take some air.
No, don't look her in the eye.
Don't talk.
Oh... come on.
Come on, this is gold.
I know right now you're thinking maybe I
should bow down in the face of greatness.
But don't.
I'm just a normal guy,
a normal regular bloke
who opened a door
that hit a bad guy.
Really, that door
could have hit anyone.
An innocent old lady
or a small child.
Before I finish,
there's one person in particular
that I'd like to thank.
His name is Darryl.
He means everything to me.
Without him, I'd be nothing.
Just a heap of skin
lying on the ground,
no bones,
just with maybe clothes I guess.
No, oh. I'm only doing a photo
for the Twitter feed.
Oh, right.
- Hey, George.
- Nice tux.
Thanks. I just picked up
my bravery award.
At least now I have a memento of the London
Ambulance Service to take back to Australia.
That and my jar
of Darryl's beard hair.
You're leaving?
That's a crying shame to lose
such an outstanding team member.
Especially considering
the current staffing crisis.
My visa expired.
I'd do anything to stay.
Even murder.
Well, why didn't you come
and see me sooner?
I'm your union rep,
I'm gonna get onto this.
See if we can't resolve
the situation.
You don't think he'd really
want me to do a murder?
You have got to work harder,
you have got to work faster,
you are in the game
of saving lives.
Do I see harder?
Do I see faster?
- Ooh, it's a shame.
- Oh, shit, what did I get wrong?
If you let me finish,
it's a shame...
no one's gonna do it better
than you've just done.
- Thanks.
- Oh, I was expecting another,
"I am a beast!"
Um, no, I'm just...
ah, cream crackered.
You know,
if you complete the course, Jo,
there's a place for you
on the HART team.
Be good to see you
at the table of the gods.
This is what you want, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
just with the depot and, um...
Are you sure
this isn't about motorbike man?
It's not about that helmet
headcase, and even if it sort of was,
he doesn't know
what he wants, so...
You know, a little bird told me he
does know what he wants. He wants you.
And you strike me as a woman
who knows what she wants.
So all you've got to do now
is go and get what you want.
But he messed up.
And then I extra messed up some
more, and anyway, he's offskis.
Well then, go and stop him.
That's an order.
Loz, stop!
I love your 'tache
and teddy bear eyes.
I love your weird Victorian
socks that creep me out
and turn me on at the same time.
Loz, I love that you chew soup!
I love that you're the only
person I can be myself around.
I want to give us a go, Loz.
I love you, too.
What?
- Did you hear any of...
- No, I had my helmet on.
Are you gonna shout at me
through a megaphone?
Whilst I probably deserve it,
I just want to let you know...
I do have very sensitive ears.
I had grommets as a child.
Let's get out of here,
Daddy Long legs.
Wow.
Yeah.
Jesus, Gary.
What... you doing,
creeping up on me like that?
This is my office.
Well, that's one way to speak
to your good friend
who's made you a cup of tea.
Mm, I'm not sure I want to defecate
out my organs today, thank you.
Excuse me?
Well, you've put enough eye
drops in there to clean out a horse.
Enough with the pranks.
You won.
But I do have something
to show you.
Come with me.
- Pranking you is totally shit.
- Why?
You take it all so well.
I've been making your day
a living hell
for shits and giggles
and then you go and do
one of the nicest things
you could ever have done for me.
Oh, well, I'm...
I'm so glad you like it.
My thumb's hanging on
by a thread.
Ah.
Uh, you... you do know we can't actually
drive around like that. Right, man?
Yes,
I did realise that afterwards.
I'll come in early tomorrow,
and cover it over.
Oh, mate,
I'm so sorry about your locker.
Why?
You're gonna need to get it
professionally cleaned.
And did you eat your lunch?
Yes, I did.
Well, I'm...
I'm sorry about that as well,
but, uh, hey,
let's put that all behind us.
I'm gonna take you for a pint.
Yeah?
We'll go somewhere
with good toilet access.
All right?
Me and you out on the town.
- Oh, that looks like good news.
- Yeah.
- The oba is here.
- What does oba mean?
It means king,
but who's she talking to?
- Oba!
- It's you, puff-puff.
- Hello, aunty.
- You saved my husband.
- He's alive! Praise be!
- Praise be!
- No, honestly, it was an hon our.
- Such a good boy.
A medic.
I wish my son was a medic.
He's an actor.
- A terrible waste.
- Oh.
You are the sort of boy
who would make his father proud.
Aw. I bet your dad's up
in heaven
eating his ocean pie,
cheering you on.
Go, Maleek, go my son.
Why'd you have to kill
such a beautiful moment
with that dead accent?
And thank you also, white lady.
Oh, it's just my job, duck.
I would like to officially
elevate you to aunty status.
Well, from one aunty to another,
that's an absolute hon our.
Is there a WhatsApp group I
could join or shall I set one up?
I could set one up.
"Aunties Anonymous".
Oh, sorry, I'm just so excited.
All right, Wendy, let's get you back to the ambo...
Sorry.
Let's get you back
to the ambulance, Aunty Wendy.
- Take care.
- Bye, aunty.
- See you, aunties.
- Bye, aunties, bye, aunties.
Come on.
Closing theme music plays...